Unhinged Spoilers 141/0
Show Text"Ach! Hans, Run!"
At the beginning of your upkeep, you may say "Ach Hans, run It's the . . ." and the name of a creature card. If you do, search your library for a card with that name, put it onto the battlefield, then shuffle your library. That creature gains haste. Exile it at the beginning of the next end step.
illus. Quinton Hoover # 116/0
_____
: This card's name becomes the card name of your choice. Activate this ability anywhere, anytime.
{1}: This card's flavor text becomes the flavor text of your choice. (This ability doesn't work because it's flavor text, not rules text (but neither does this reminder text, so you figure it out).)
illus. Ron Spears # 23/0
Aesthetic Consultation
Choose an artist. Exile the top six cards of your library, then reveal cards from the top of your library until you reveal a card with art by the chosen artist. Put that card in your hand and exile all other cards revealed this way.
illus. David "Help Me" Martin # 48/0
Ambiguity
Whenever a player plays a spell that counters a spell that has been played or a player plays a spell that comes into play with counters, that player may counter the next spell played or put an additional counter on a permanent that has already been played, but not countered.
illus. Stephen Daniele # 24/0
Artful Looter
: Draw a card, then discard a card.
Whenever a permanent that shares an artist with another permanent you control enters the battlefield, untap Artful Looter.
PRICELESS PIC PILFEREDPainting Found Abandoned in GraveyardMerfolk Decry Wizards' Treatment
illus. Heather "Erica Gassalasca-Jape" Hudson # 25/0
Ass Whuppin'
Destroy target silver-bordered permanent in any game you can see from your seat.
Asses to ashes,Donkeys to dust.
illus. Don Hazeltine # 117/0
Assquatch
Each other Donkey gets +1½/+1½.
Whenever another Donkey enters the battlefield, untap target creature and gain control of it until end of turn. That creature gains haste until end of turn.
Who wants to see a picture of a big hairy ass?
illus. Jeremy Jarvis # 71/0
Atinlay Igpay
Oubleday ikestray
Enwhay ouyay eakspay ay onnay-igpay-atinlay ordway, acrificesay Atinlay Igpay.
Isthay iecepay ofay avorflay exttay oesn'tday eallyray aysay anythingay.
illus. Evkay Alkerway # 1/0
Avatar of Me
This spell costs more to cast for each ten years you've been alive.
Avatar of Me's power is equal to your height in feet and its toughness is equal to your American shoe size. Round to the nearest ½.
Avatar of Me is the color of your eyes.
illus. Greg Hildebrandt # 26/0
AWOL
Exile target attacking creature. Then remove it from the game. Then put it into the absolutely-removed-from-the-freaking-game-forever zone.
illus. Stephen Tappin # 2/0
Bad Ass
, Growl: Regenerate Bad Ass.
He wanders the land in search of Good Ass.
illus. Thomas M. Baxa # 49/0
B-I-N-G-O
Trample
Whenever a player casts a spell, put a chip counter on its converted mana cost.
B-I-N-G-O gets +9/+9 for each set of three numbers in a row with chip counters on them.
There was a farmer, had a hound . . .
illus. Ron Spencer # 92/0
Blast from the Past
Madness , cycling , kicker , flashback , buyback
Blast from the Past deals 2 damage to any target. If this spell was kicked, create a 1/1 red Goblin creature token.
illus. Douglas Schuler # 72/0
Bloodletter
When the names of three or more nonland permanents begin with the same letter, sacrifice Bloodletter. If you do, it deals 2 damage to each creature and each player.
"That's not really an A. It's an Æ. They changed it! Wait, don't—" —Hœbrus Væm, Aerathi librarian, last words
illus. Daren Bader # 50/0
Booster Tutor
Open a sealed Magic booster pack, reveal the cards, and put one of those cards into your hand. (Remove that card from your deck before beginning a new game.)
Real men use Arabian Nights boosters.
illus. Christopher Rush # 51/0
Bosom Buddy
Whenever you cast a spell, you may gain ½ life for each word in that spell's name.
"Step 1: I believe in a power and toughness greater than myself . . . ."
illus. Dan Scott # 3/0
Brushstroke Paintermage
: Target permanent's artist becomes the artist of your choice until end of turn.
He gives credit where credit isn't due.
illus. Ron "Don't You Dare Change Me" Spears # 27/0
Bursting Beebles
Bursting Beebles can't be blocked as long as defending player controls two or more nonland permanents that share an artist.
Like thousands of others, the beebles quit Magic for several years following the release of the Mercadian Masques set.
illus. David "Beeblemania" Martin # 28/0
Cardpecker
Flying
Gotcha — If an opponent touches the table with their hand, you may say "Gotcha" When you do, return Cardpecker from your graveyard to your hand.
illus. Richard Sardinha # 4/0
Carnivorous Death-Parrot
Flying
At the beginning of your upkeep, sacrifice Carnivorous Death-Parrot unless you say its flavor text.
Save a kill spell to deal with this guy.
illus. Tim Hildebrandt # 29/0
Cheap Ass
Spells you cast cost o½ less to cast.
And you thought Yawgmoth drove a hard bargain.
illus. Randy Gallegos # 5/0
Cheatyface
If Cheatyface is in your hand, you may sneak Cheatyface onto the battlefield. If an opponent catches you right away, that player may exile Cheatyface.
Flying
illus. Doug Chaffee # 30/0
Circle of Protection: Art
As Circle of Protection: Art enters the battlefield, choose an artist.
: The next time a source of your choice with art by the chosen artist would deal damage to you this turn, prevent that damage.
: Return Circle of Protection: Art to its owner's hand.
illus. Jim "Stop the Da Vinci Beatdown" Pavelec # 6/0
City of Ass
City of Ass enters the battlefield tapped.
: Add one and one-half mana of any one color.
"But . . ."
illus. John Avon # 134/0
Collector Protector
, Give an opponent a nonland card you own from outside the game: Prevent the next 1 damage that would be dealt to you or Collector Protector this turn.
"Here—have a Mudhole."
illus. Christopher Rush # 7/0
Creature Guy
Gotcha — If an opponent says "creature" or "guy," you may say "Gotcha" When you do, return Creature Guy from your graveyard to your hand.
There once was a player named Quinn, . . .
illus. Jeff Easley # 93/0
Curse of the Fire Penguin
Trample
When this creature dies, return Curse of the Fire Penguin to the battlefield.
illus. Matt Thompson # 73/0
Deal Damage
Deal Damage deals 4 damage to any target.
Gotcha — If an opponent says "deal" or "damage," you may say "Gotcha" When you do, return Deal Damage from your graveyard to your hand.
Until he got singed . . .
illus. Scott M. Fischer # 74/0
Double Header
Flying
When Double Header enters the battlefield, you may return target permanent with a two-word name to its owner's hand.
Players that don't read flavor text aren't too bright, sorta smell, and dress funny. But let's just keep this between us, okay? They can get kind of violent.
illus. Richard Sardinha # 31/0
Drawn Together
As Drawn Together enters the battlefield, choose an artist.
Creatures with art by the chosen artist get +2/+2.
"My Pete Venters theme deck is nearly complete. Then I shall be unstoppable Bwahahahaaa"—Pete Venters
illus. Pete "Fear Me" Venters # 8/0
Duh
Destroy target creature with reminder text. (Reminder text is any italicized text in parentheses that explains rules you already know.)
Will players understand that the creature is being crushed by two parentheses?Not a chance.
illus. Dave Dorman # 52/0
Dumb Ass
At the beginning of your upkeep, flip a coin. If you lose the flip, target opponent chooses whether Dumb Ass attacks this turn.
Envying the intelligence of goblins is a bad place to be.
illus. Bradley Williams # 75/0
Elvish House Party
Elvish House Party's power and toughness are each equal to the current hour, using the twelve-hour system.
The party was going strong for nearly an hour past midnight—then all of a sudden it just petered out.
illus. Thomas Manning # 94/0
Emcee
Whenever another creature enters the battlefield, you may stand up and say in a deep, booming voice, "Presenting . . . " and that creature's name. If you do, put a +1/+1 counter on that creature.
The ogre appealed the match loss and got it downgraded to a warning.
illus. Quinton Hoover # 9/0
Enter the Dungeon
Players play a Magic subgame under the table, starting at 5 life and using their libraries as their decks. The winner searches their library for two cards, puts those cards into their hand, then shuffles their library.
illus. Luca Zontini # 53/0
Erase (Not the Urza's Legacy One)
If you control two or more white permanents that share an artist, you may cast Erase (Not the Urza's Legacy One) without paying its mana cost.
Exile target enchantment.
Synonyms for "erase" we haven't used: ablate, abrade, chafe, fray, frazzle, scuff, and scrub.
illus. Pete "Yes the Urza's Legacy One" Venters # 10/0
Eye to Eye
You and target creature's controller have a staring contest. If you win, destroy that creature.
True, Gargox had blinded himself for life, but the glass eyes never lost.
illus. Michael Sutfin # 54/0
Face to Face
You and target opponent play a best two-out-of-three Rock, Paper, Scissors match. If you win, Face to Face deals 5 damage to that player.
Befuddled by this new game, Argg longed for the days of Rock, Rock, Rock.
illus. Randy Gallegos # 76/0
Farewell to Arms
As Farewell to Arms enters the battlefield, choose a hand attached to an opponent's arm.
When the chosen hand isn't behind its owner's back, sacrifice Farewell to Arms. If you do, that player discards their hand . . . of cards. (The lawyers wouldn't let us do it the other way.)
illus. Ron Lemen # 56/0
Fascist Art Director
: Fascist Art Director gains protection from the artist of your choice until end of turn.
Dear Mr. and Mrs. Cranford,After careful analysis of Jeremy's vocational testing, I feel that he is best suited for a career in either torture or art direction.
illus. Edward P. "Feed Me" Beard, Jr. # 11/0
Fat Ass
Fat Ass gets +2/+2 and has trample as long as you're eating. (Gum isn't food. We checked.)
Our lawyers say no matter how funny it would be, we can't encourage players to eat the cards. Hear that? Whatever you do, don't eat the delicious cards.
illus. Jeremy Jarvis # 95/0
First Come, First Served
Each attacking or blocking creature with the lowest collector number among attacking or blocking creatures has first strike.
The Yotian soldiers hoped that one day R&D would make an artifact creature whose name starts with Z. And in their dreams, it's a 4/1.
illus. Thomas Gianni # 12/0
Flaccify
Counter target spell unless its controller pays o½.
"Don't worry about it. It happens to every mage sooner or later."
illus. Tim Hildebrandt # 32/0
Form of the Squirrel
As Form of the Squirrel enters the battlefield, create a 1/1 green Squirrel creature token. You lose the game when that creature leaves the battlefield.
Creatures can't attack you.
You have shroud.
You can't cast spells.
illus. Carl Critchlow # 96/0
Fraction Jackson
, : Return target card with a ½ on it from your graveyard to your hand.
Bitten by radioactive beebles in a freak algebra accident, young Ricky Robertson discovered he'd gained the ability to harness the awesome power of fractions
illus. Mark Poole # 97/0
Framed!
Choose an artist. Tap all untapped permanents with art by that artist or untap all tapped permanents with art by that artist.
Who knew an 8˝ by 10˝ could feel like a 2˝ by 4˝?
illus. Alan "Don't Feel Like You Have to Pick Me" Pollack # 33/0
Frankie Peanuts
At the beginning of your upkeep, you may ask target player a yes-or-no question. If you do, that player answers the question truthfully and abides by that answer if able until end of turn.
Don't cross him or you'll end up sleeping with the merfolk.
illus. Thomas M. Baxa # 13/0
Frazzled Editor
Protection from wordy (Something is wordy if it has four or more lines of rules text.)
The pen is mightier than the sword.
illus. Jim Pavelec # 77/0
Gleemax
You choose all targets for all spells and abilities.
Help us . . . R&D under mental domination of alien brain in jar . . . only chance . . . Gleemax's blatant disregard for flavor text . . . send help
illus. Richard Thomas # 121/0
Gluetius Maximus
As Gluetius Maximus enters the battlefield, an opponent chooses one of your fingers. (Thumbs are fingers, too.)
When the chosen finger isn't touching Gluetius Maximus, sacrifice Gluetius Maximus.
illus. Jeff Easley # 98/0
Goblin Mime
When you speak, sacrifice Goblin Mime.
Pretending to be inside an invisible box was easy enough for Brug. It was finding the invisible door that caused him problems.
illus. Franz Vohwinkel # 78/0
Goblin S.W.A.T. Team
Say "Goblin S.W.A.T. Team": Put a +1/+1 counter on Goblin S.W.A.T. Team unless an opponent swats the table within five seconds. Activate this ability only once each turn.
They put the "special" in special weapons and tactics.
illus. Eric Deschamps # 80/0
Goblin Secret Agent
First strike
At the beginning of your upkeep, reveal a card from your hand at random.
SECRET AGENTPD042198LICENSE TO BE KILLED
illus. Tony Szczudlo # 79/0
Granny's Payback
You gain life equal to your age.
R&D CommentsBB 10/10: Why does a life-gaining card show an old lady killing people?MR (10/10/03): We'll fix it in the flavor text.
illus. Joel Thomas # 99/0
Graphic Violence
All creatures with art by the artist of your choice get +2/+2 and gain trample until end of turn.
WARNING: THE DOMINARIAN SURGEON GENERAL HAS FOUND THAT SAVAGE BEATINGS CAN LEAD TO CHUMP BLOCKS, LIFE REDUCTION, AND EVEN GAME LOSS.
illus. Wayne "King of" England # 100/0
Greater Morphling
: Greater Morphling gains your choice of banding, bushido 1, double strike, fear, flying, first strike, haste, landwalk of your choice, protection from a color of your choice, provoke, rampage 1, shadow, or trample until end of turn.
: Greater Morphling becomes the colors of your choice until end of turn.
: Greater Morphling becomes the creature type of your choice until end of turn.
: Greater Morphling's expansion symbol becomes the symbol of your choice until end of turn.
: Greater Morphling's art becomes by the artist of your choice until end of turn.
: Greater Morphling gets +2/-2 or -2/+2 until end of turn.
: Untap Greater Morphling.
illus. Greg "Six-Pack" Staples # 34/0
Head to Head
You and target opponent play Seven Questions with the top card of that player's library. If you win, prevent all damage that would be dealt this turn by a source of your choice. (To play Seven Questions, that player looks at the card, then you ask up to six yes-or-no questions about the card that they answer truthfully. You guess the card's name—that's question seven—then the player reveals the card.)
illus. Thomas Gianni # 14/0
Infernal Spawn of Infernal Spawn of Evil
Flying, first strike, trample
Once each turn, while you're searching your library, you may pay , reveal Infernal Spawn of Infernal Spawn of Evil from your library and say "I'm coming, too" If you do, Infernal Spawn of Infernal Spawn of Evil deals 2 damage to a player of your choice.
illus. Ron Spencer # 57/0
Johnny, Combo Player
: Search your library for a card, put that card into your hand, then shuffle your library.
"Just wait till I get my Krark-Clan Ironworks, Genesis Chamber, and Grinding Station. Oh yeah, and a second Myr Retriever."
illus. Kensuke Okabayashi # 35/0
Keeper of the Sacred Word
As Keeper of the Sacred Word enters the battlefield, choose a word.
Whenever an opponent says the chosen word, Keeper of the Sacred Word gets +3/+3 until end of turn.
This is not a subliminal message.
illus. Dany Orizio # 101/0
Kill Destroy
Destroy target nonblack creature.
Gotcha — If an opponent says "kill" or "destroy," you may say "Gotcha" When you do, return Kill Destroy from your graveyard to your hand.
Getting "Gotcha'ed" again and again.
illus. Corey D. Macourek # 58/0
Ladies' Knight
Flying
Spells cast by players wearing at least one item of women's clothing cost less to cast. (You can define women's clothing as you see fit. Be reasonable.)
"I said ‘Put him in a core set, not a corset'"—Richard Garfield, Ph.D.
illus. Ron Spears # 15/0
Land Aid '04
Search your library for a basic land card, put that card onto the battlefield tapped, then shuffle your library. If you sang a song the whole time you were searching and shuffling, you may untap that land.
illus. Jim Nelson # 102/0
Laughing Hyena
Gotcha — If an opponent laughs, you may say "Gotcha" When you do, return Laughing Hyena from your graveyard to your hand.
"Two muffins are baking in an oven. One muffin says to the other muffin, ‘It's getting hot in here, huh?' The other muffin says, ‘Aagh A talking muffin'"
illus. Mark Poole # 103/0
Letter Bomb
When Letter Bomb enters the battlefield, sign it and shuffle it into target player's library. That player reveals each card they draw until they draw Letter Bomb. When that player draws Letter Bomb, it deals 19½ damage to them.
"Dear Magic R&D, . . ."
illus. Daniel Gelon # 122/0
Little Girl
In the future, she may be a distinguished leader, a great scholar, or a decorated hero. These days all she does is pee the bed.
illus. Rebecca Guay # 16/0
Look at Me, I'm R&D
As Look at Me, I'm R&D enters the battlefield, choose a number and a second number one higher or one lower than the first number.
All instances of the first chosen number in the full text of each permanent, spell, and card in any zone are changed to the second chosen number.
illus. (none) # 17/0
Loose Lips
Enchant creature
As Loose Lips enters the battlefield, choose a sentence with eight or fewer words.
Enchanted creature has flying.
Whenever enchanted creature deals damage to an opponent, that player may say the chosen sentence. If they don't, you draw two cards.
Your sentence can't be longer than this one.
illus. John Matson # 36/0
Magical Hacker
: Change the text of target spell or permanent by replacing all instances of + with -, and vice versa, until end of turn.
1|= y()u (4|\| r3@d 7#5, y0|_| /\r3 @ IVI0/\/$+3|2 &33|
illus. Doug Chaffee # 37/0
Man of Measure
As long as you're shorter than an opponent, Man of Measure gets +0/+1 and has first strike.
As long as you're taller than an opponent, Man of Measure gets +1/+0.
You need to be this tall to play this card.
illus. Edward P. Beard, Jr. # 18/0
Mana Flair
Add for each nonland permanent with art by the artist of your choice.
What began as blackHas slowly shifted to red.Fickle color pie.
illus. Paolo "That's Actually Me" Parente # 81/0
Mana Screw
: Flip a coin. If you win the flip, add . Activate this ability only any time you could cast an instant.
There was no darker or more evil creation in all the multiverse than that of the mana screw.
illus. Mike Raabe # 123/0
Meddling Kids
As Meddling Kids enters the battlefield, choose a word with four or more letters.
Spells with the chosen word in their text box can't be cast.
These kids know their four-letter words.
illus. Christopher Moeller # 118/0
Mise
Choose a nonland card name, then reveal the top card of your library. If that card has the chosen name, you draw three cards.
mise 'miz v alter. of might as well (1997) 1: to win when you don't deserve to 2: to top-deck the "tings" you need 3: to be rewarded by an opponent's bad luck 4: to coin a phrase that spreads through the tournament scene like wildfire 5: to fling a monkey 6: to split firewood using a sharp instrument 7: To burn
illus. Matt Cavotta # 38/0
Moniker Mage
, Say your middle name: Moniker Mage gains shroud until end of turn.
, Say an opponent's middle name: Moniker Mage gains flying until end of turn.
illus. Keith Garletts # 39/0
Monkey Monkey Monkey
As Monkey Monkey Monkey enters the battlefield, choose a letter.
Monkey Monkey Monkey gets +1/+1 for each nonland permanent whose name begins with the chosen letter.
Many matches make more madcap monkey mayhem.
illus. Liz Danforth # 104/0
Mons's Goblin Waiters
Sacrifice a creature or land: Add .
Poached Rukh EggsRockCooked RockUnicorn-on-the-CobWormfang Turtle Soup
illus. Pete Venters # 82/0
Mother of Goons
Whenever a creature an opponent controls dies, sacrifice Mother of Goons unless you insult that creature.
"Word to me."
illus. Darrell Riche # 59/0
Mouth to Mouth
Choose target opponent and target creature they control. You and that player have a breath-holding contest. If you win, you gain control of that creature.
Interesting tidbit: Surveys show that the card Ow has one of the most popular pieces of flavor text in the Unglued expansion.
illus. Alan Pollack # 40/0
My First Tome
, : Say the flavor text on a card in your hand. Target opponent guesses that card's name. You may reveal that card. If you do and they guessed wrong, you draw a card.
This card is named My First Tome.
illus. Heather Hudson # 125/0
Name Dropping
Gotcha — If an opponent says a word that's in the name of a card in your graveyard, you may say "Gotcha" When you do, return that card to your hand.
Gemini (May 21–June 21) This week is a good time to branch out and meet others, but don't forget your roots. Avoid commitments and open flame.
illus. Tony Szczudlo # 105/0
Necro-Impotence
Skip your untap step.
At the beginning of your upkeep, you may pay X life. If you do, untap X permanents.
Pay ½ life: Exile the top card of your library face down. Put that card into your hand at the beginning of the next end step.
illus. Mark Tedin # 60/0
Now I Know My ABC's
At the beginning of your upkeep, if you control permanents with names that include all twenty-six letters of the English alphabet, you win the game.
The quick onyx goblin jumps over the lazy dwarf.
illus. Tony Szczudlo # 41/0
Number Crunch
Return target permanent to its owner's hand.
Gotcha — If an opponent says a number, you may say "Gotcha" When you do, return Number Crunch from your graveyard to your hand.
Can you digit?
illus. Stephen Daniele # 42/0
Old Fogey
Phasing, cumulative upkeep , echo , fading 3, bands with other Dinosaurs, protection from Homarids, snow-covered plainswalk, flanking, rampage 2
"These kids today with their collector numbers and their newfangled tap symbol. Twenty Black Lotuses and twenty Plague Rats. Now that's real Magic."
illus. Douglas Schuler # 106/0
Orcish Paratroopers
When Orcish Paratroopers enters the battlefield, flip it from a height of at least one foot. Sacrifice Orcish Paratroopers unless it turns over completely at least once during the flip and lands face up.
IOU one parashoot—Urk, mogg fanatic
illus. Matt Thompson # 83/0
Our Market Research Shows That Players Like Really Long Card Names So We Made this Card to Have the Absolute Longest Card Name Ever Elemental
Art rampage 2 (Whenever this creature becomes blocked by a creature, it gets +2/+2 for each creature in the blocker's art beyond the first.)
Just call it OMRSTPLRLCNSWMTCTHTALCNEE for short.
illus. Greg Hildebrandt # 107/0
Persecute Artist
Choose an artist other than Rebecca Guay. Target player reveals their hand and discards all nonland cards with art by the chosen artist.
The torches and pitchforks were no match for Rebecca's fans.
illus. Rebecca "Don't Mess with Me" Guay # 61/0
Phyrexian Librarian
Flying, trample
At the beginning of your upkeep, exile the top card of your library and balance it on your body.
When a balanced card falls or touches another balanced card, sacrifice Phyrexian Librarian.
illus. Kev Walker # 62/0
Pointy Finger of Doom
, : Spin Pointy Finger of Doom in the middle of the table so that it rotates completely at least once, then destroy the closest permanent the finger points to.
"I would have made a ‘Spin-The-Bottle' joke if I thought anyone reading this had ever played the game."—Bucky, flavor text writer
illus. Martina Pilcerova # 126/0
Punctuate
Punctuate deals damage to target creature equal to half the number of punctuation marks in that creature's text box. (The punctuation marks are ? , ; : - — ( ) / " " ‘ ' & .)
"Ooh—right in the colon."
illus. Jim Pavelec # 84/0
Pygmy Giant
, , Sacrifice a creature: Pygmy Giant deals X damage to target creature, where X is a number in the sacrificed creature's text box.
"487. You're welcome."—Bucky, flavor text writer
illus. Eric Deschamps # 85/0
Question Elemental?
Did you know this creature has flying?
Are you aware that any time you say something that isn't a question, when a player points out this fact first, they gain control of Question Elemental?
"What the . . . ?"
illus. Edward P. Beard, Jr. # 43/0
R&D's Secret Lair
Play cards as written. Ignore all errata.
: Add to your mana pool. (This mana is still added to your mana pool.)
"Let them complain. As long as the addictive ink is working, we can do anything we want."PLAY AT YOUR OWN RISK
illus. John Avon # 135/0
Rare-B-Gone
Each player sacrifices all permanents that are rare or mythic rare, then each player reveals their hand and discards all cards that are rare or mythic rare.
The only rare you'll ever need. Okay, not really.
illus. John Matson # 119/0
Red-Hot Hottie
Whenever Red-Hot Hottie deals damage to a creature, put a third-degree-burn counter on that creature. It gains "At the beginning of each end step, sacrifice this creature unless you scream ‘Aaah' at the top of your lungs."
She was winning the Dominarian "Are You Hot?" competition until disaster struck during the wet T-shirt round.
illus. Jeremy Jarvis # 86/0
Remodel
If you control two or more green permanents that share an artist, you may cast this spell without paying its mana cost.
Exile target artifact.
6 PM (23) This Old Grove 98055A rusted masticore makes a beautiful addition to any garden.
illus. Lars Grant-"Wild Wild"-West # 108/0
Richard Garfield, Ph.D.
You may play cards as though they were other cards of your choice with the same mana cost. You can't choose the same card twice. (Mana cost includes color.)
And yea he doth spake: "Let there be Magic."
illus. Dave Dorman # 44/0
Rocket-Powered Turbo Slug
Super haste (This may attack the turn before you cast it. (You may put this card from your hand onto the battlefield tapped and attacking during your declare attackers step. If you do, you lose the game at the beginning of your next turn's end step unless you pay this card's mana cost during that turn.))
illus. Franz Vohwinkel # 87/0
Rod of Spanking
, : Rod of Spanking deals 1 damage to target player. Then untap Rod of Spanking unless that player says "Thank you, sir. May I have another?"
Minutes before the campus watch busted pledge week at the Alpha Beta Unlimited house . . .
illus. Mark Brill # 127/0
S.N.O.T.
You may have S.N.O.T. enter the battlefield stuck to another creature named S.N.O.T. If you do, all those creatures form a single creature.
S.N.O.T.'s power and toughness are each equal to the square of the number of cards named S.N.O.T. stuck together to form it. (One is a 1/1, two are a 4/4, three are a 9/9, and four are a 16/16. If you manage to get -1 S.N.O.T.s stuck together, it's a 1/1.)
illus. Cyril Van Der Haegen # 111/0
Sauté
Sauté deals 3½ damage to any target.
"Selecting the proper beeble is the key to a good sauté. The pinker the fur and the heartier the yelp, the more succulent the beeble will be when you pop it in your mouth."—Asmoranomardicadaistinaculdacar,The Underworld Cookbook,
illus. Jeff Miracola # 88/0
Save Life
Choose one —
• Target player gains 2½ life.
• Prevent the next 2½ damage that would be dealt to target creature this turn.
Gotcha — If an opponent says "save" or "life," you may say "Gotcha" When you do, return Save Life from your graveyard to your hand.
Who consistently managed to win.
illus. Ray Lago # 19/0
Shoe Tree
Shoe Tree enters the battlefield with up to two shoe counters on it. Use your shoes as counters.
Shoe Tree gets +1/+1 for each shoe counter on it.
It grows several feet a year.
illus. Francis Tsai # 109/0
Side to Side
You and target opponent arm-wrestle. If you win, create a 3/3 green Ape creature token.
His friends at the gym never knew Garanth's secret shame. For years he had tried to walk away from professional arm wrestling, but hey—free monkeys.
illus. Jim Nelson # 110/0
Six-y Beast
As Six-y Beast enters the battlefield, you secretly put six or fewer +1/+1 counters on it, then an opponent guesses the number of counters. If that player guesses right, sacrifice Six-y Beast after it enters the battlefield.
Is it six?
illus. Anson Maddocks # 89/0
Smart Ass
Whenever Smart Ass attacks, choose a card name. If defending player has no cards with the chosen name in their hand, they may reveal their hand. If they don't reveal their hand, Smart Ass can't be blocked this turn.
"I don't get it. Why doesn't anybody like me?"
illus. Trevor Hairsine # 45/0
Spell Counter
Counter target spell.
Gotcha — If an opponent says "spell" or "counter," you may say "Gotcha" When you do, return Spell Counter from your graveyard to your hand.
Playing Unhinged, . . .
illus. Doug Chaffee # 46/0
Standing Army
As long as you're standing, Standing Army has vigilance.
They're the chair-men of the bored.
illus. Randy Gallegos # 20/0
Staying Power
"Until end of turn" and "this turn" effects don't end.
Mongo's fleas no longer bothered him. But the family of goblins that had moved in behind his left ear was starting to get really irritating.
illus. Richard Sardinha # 21/0
Stone-Cold Basilisk
Whenever Stone-Cold Basilisk blocks or becomes blocked by a creature with fewer letters in its name, destroy that creature at end of combat. (Punctuation and spaces aren't letters.)
Whenever an opponent reads Stone-Cold Basilisk, that player is turned to stone until end of turn. Stoned players can't attack, block, cast spells, or activate abilities.
illus. Don Hazeltine # 112/0
Stop That
Target player discards a card.
Gotcha — If an opponent audibly flicks the cards in their hand, you may say "Gotcha" When you do, return Stop That from your graveyard to your hand.
Now for a squirt of lemon juice.
illus. Anson Maddocks # 63/0
Super Secret Tech
Premium spells cost less to cast.
Premium creatures get +1/+1.
"Ooh . . . shiny"
illus. Dan Frazier # 141/0
Supersize
Target creature gets +3½/+3½ until end of turn.
You want "mise" with that?
illus. DiTerlizzi # 113/0
Symbol Status
Create a 1/1 colorless Expansion-Symbol creature token for each different expansion symbol among permanents you control.
"Everyone break into teams. Weaponry, you're with me. Nature group, meet by the palm tree. Stoneworks and metalworks, follow the anvil. Everyone else, gather around the giant V."—Sword of Kaldra
illus. Liz Danforth # 114/0
Tainted Monkey
: Choose a word. Target player puts the top card of their library into their graveyard. If that card has the chosen word in its text box, that player loses 3 life.
"C'mon, choose ‘monkey.' Everybody loves monkeys"
illus. Mark Zug # 64/0
The Fallen Apart
The Fallen Apart enters the battlefield with two arms and two legs.
Whenever damage is dealt to The Fallen Apart, remove an arm or a leg from it.
The Fallen Apart can't attack if it has no legs and can't block if it has no arms.
illus. Corey D. Macourek # 55/0
Time Machine
: Exile Time Machine and target nontoken creature you own. Return them to the battlefield at the beginning of your upkeep on your turn X in the next game you play with one of your opponents in this game, where X is the converted mana cost of the exiled creature.
illus. John Avon # 128/0
Togglodyte
Togglodyte enters the battlefield turned on.
Whenever a player casts a spell, toggle Togglodyte's ON/OFF switch.
As long as Togglodyte is turned off, it can't attack or block, and prevent all damage it would deal.
illus. Dan Frazier # 129/0
Topsy Turvy
The phases of each player's turn are reversed. (The phases are, in reverse order, ending, postcombat main, combat, precombat main, and beginning.)
As long as there are more than two players in the game, the turn order is reversed.
"Here on going is heck the what?"
illus. Jeff Miracola # 47/0
Touch and Go
Destroy target land.
Gotcha — If an opponent touches their face, you may say "Gotcha" When you do, return Touch and Go from your graveyard to your hand.
Judge's ruling: The interior of the face still counts as the face, so a nose-pick is legitimate grounds for saying "Gotcha"
illus. Ben Thompson # 90/0
Toy Boat
Cumulative upkeep—Say "Toy Boat" quickly. (At the beginning of your upkeep, put an age counter on Toy Boat, then sacrifice it unless you say "Toy Boat" once for each age counter on it—without pausing between or fumbling it.)
illus. Lars Grant-West # 130/0
Uktabi Kong
Trample
When Uktabi Kong enters the battlefield, destroy all artifacts.
Tap two untapped Apes you control: Create a 1/1 green Ape creature token.
"I desire the acquisition of a potassium-rich fruit comestible of substantial magnitude."
illus. Una Fricker # 115/0
Urza's Hot Tub
, Discard a card: Search your library for a card that shares a complete word in its name with the discarded card, reveal it, put it into your hand, then shuffle your library.
www.wizards.com/hottub
illus. Stephen Tappin # 131/0
Vile Bile
Whenever a player's skin or fingernail touches Vile Bile, that player loses 2 life.
illus. Tony Szczudlo # 65/0
Water Gun Balloon Game
As Water Gun Balloon Game enters the battlefield, each player puts a pop counter on a 0.
Whenever a player casts a spell, move that player's pop counter up 1.
Whenever a player's pop counter hits 5, that player creates a 5/5 pink Giant Teddy Bear creature token and resets all pop counters to 0.
illus. Mark Brill # 132/0
Wet Willie of the Damned
Wet Willie of the Damned deals 2½ damage to any target and you gain 2½ life.
Ever the warrior, Glissa responded with a "wedgie from beyond Uranus."
illus. Greg Staples # 66/0
When Fluffy Bunnies Attack
Target creature gets -X/-X until end of turn, where X is the number of times the letter of your choice appears in that creature's name.
"Get it? Bunnies, letters, -X/-X? Me neither."—Bucky, flavor text writer
illus. Ray Lago # 67/0
Who/What/When/Where/Why
Who
Target player gains X life.
//
What
Destroy target artifact.
//
When
Counter target creature spell.
//
Where
Destroy target land.
//
Why
Destroy target enchantment.
illus. Dan Frazier # 120/0
Wordmail
Enchant creature
Enchanted creature gets +1/+1 for each word in its name.
"Suck on it, Stangg"—Sol'kanar the Swamp King
illus. Ron Spencer # 22/0
Working Stiff
As Working Stiff enters the battlefield, straighten your arms.
When you bend an elbow, sacrifice Working Stiff.
Oh, does your nose itch?
illus. Darrell Riche # 68/0
World-Bottling Kit
, Sacrifice World-Bottling Kit: Choose a Magic set. Exile all permanents with that set's expansion symbol except for basic lands.
YOUR AD HERE
illus. Alan Rabinowitz # 133/0
Yet Another Aether Vortex
All creatures have haste.
Players play with the top card of their libraries revealed.
Noninstant, nonsorcery cards on top of a library are on the battlefield under their owner's control in addition to being in that library.
It puts the "vortex" in "flavortext."
illus. David Day # 91/0
Zombie Fanboy
As Zombie Fanboy enters the battlefield, choose an artist.
Whenever a permanent with art by the chosen artist is put into a graveyard, put two +1/+1 counters on Zombie Fanboy.
The real advantage of being a zombie gamer? No one notices the stench.
illus. Matt "I'm Your Boy" Cavotta # 69/0
Zzzyxas's Abyss
At the beginning of your upkeep, destroy all nonland permanents with the first name alphabetically among nonland permanents.
Tired of always being picked last, the wizard Zzzyxas created the ultimate revenge.
illus. Pete Venters # 70/0
