Unhinged Spoilers 141/0

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Apr 23, 2018 - Zzzyxas's Abyss
Apr 23, 2018 - Zombie Fanboy
Apr 23, 2018 - World-Bottling Kit
Apr 23, 2018 - Working Stiff
Apr 23, 2018 - Wordmail
Apr 23, 2018 - Wet Willie of the Damned
Apr 23, 2018 - Water Gun Balloon Game
Apr 23, 2018 - Vile Bile
Apr 23, 2018 - Urza's Hot Tub
Apr 23, 2018 - Uktabi Kong
Apr 23, 2018 - Toy Boat
Apr 23, 2018 - Touch and Go
Apr 23, 2018 - Topsy Turvy
Apr 23, 2018 - Togglodyte
Apr 23, 2018 - Time Machine
Apr 23, 2018 - The Fallen Apart
Apr 23, 2018 - Tainted Monkey
Apr 23, 2018 - Symbol Status
Apr 23, 2018 - Supersize
Apr 23, 2018 - Super Secret Tech
Apr 23, 2018 - Stop That
Apr 23, 2018 - Stone-Cold Basilisk
Apr 23, 2018 - Staying Power
Apr 23, 2018 - Standing Army
Apr 23, 2018 - Spell Counter
Apr 23, 2018 - Smart Ass
Apr 23, 2018 - Six-y Beast
Apr 23, 2018 - Side to Side
Apr 23, 2018 - Shoe Tree
Apr 23, 2018 - Save Life
Apr 23, 2018 - Sauté
Apr 23, 2018 - S.N.O.T.
Apr 23, 2018 - Rod of Spanking
Apr 23, 2018 - Richard Garfield, Ph.D.
Apr 23, 2018 - Remodel
Apr 23, 2018 - Red-Hot Hottie
Apr 23, 2018 - Name Dropping
Apr 23, 2018 - My First Tome
Apr 23, 2018 - Mox Lotus
Apr 23, 2018 - Mouth to Mouth
Apr 23, 2018 - Mother of Goons
Apr 23, 2018 - Mons's Goblin Waiters
Apr 23, 2018 - Monkey Monkey Monkey
Apr 23, 2018 - Moniker Mage
Apr 23, 2018 - Mise
Apr 23, 2018 - Meddling Kids
Apr 23, 2018 - Mana Screw
Apr 23, 2018 - Mana Flair
Apr 23, 2018 - Man of Measure
Apr 23, 2018 - Magical Hacker
Apr 23, 2018 - Loose Lips
Apr 23, 2018 - Look at Me, I'm R&D
Apr 23, 2018 - Little Girl
Apr 23, 2018 - Letter Bomb
Apr 23, 2018 - Laughing Hyena
Apr 23, 2018 - Land Aid '04
Apr 23, 2018 - Ladies' Knight
Apr 23, 2018 - Kill Destroy
Apr 23, 2018 - Johnny, Combo Player
Apr 23, 2018 - Head to Head
Apr 23, 2018 - Greater Morphling
Apr 23, 2018 - Graphic Violence
Apr 23, 2018 - Granny's Payback
Apr 23, 2018 - Goblin Secret Agent
Apr 23, 2018 - Goblin S.W.A.T. Team
Apr 23, 2018 - Goblin Mime
Apr 23, 2018 - Gluetius Maximus
Apr 23, 2018 - Gleemax
Apr 23, 2018 - Frazzled Editor
Apr 23, 2018 - Frankie Peanuts
Apr 23, 2018 - Framed!
Apr 23, 2018 - Fraction Jackson
Apr 23, 2018 - Form of the Squirrel
Apr 23, 2018 - Flaccify
Apr 23, 2018 - First Come, First Served
Apr 23, 2018 - Fat Ass
Apr 23, 2018 - Fascist Art Director
Apr 23, 2018 - Farewell to Arms
Apr 23, 2018 - Face to Face
Apr 23, 2018 - Eye to Eye
Apr 23, 2018 - Enter the Dungeon
Apr 23, 2018 - Emcee
Apr 23, 2018 - Elvish House Party
Apr 23, 2018 - Dumb Ass
Apr 23, 2018 - Duh
Apr 23, 2018 - Drawn Together
Apr 23, 2018 - Double Header
Apr 23, 2018 - Deal Damage
Apr 23, 2018 - Creature Guy
Apr 23, 2018 - Collector Protector
Apr 23, 2018 - Cheatyface
Apr 23, 2018 - Cheap Ass
Apr 23, 2018 - Carnivorous Death-Parrot
Apr 23, 2018 - Cardpecker
Apr 23, 2018 - Bursting Beebles
Apr 23, 2018 - Brushstroke Paintermage
Apr 23, 2018 - Bosom Buddy
Apr 23, 2018 - Booster Tutor
Apr 23, 2018 - Bloodletter
Apr 23, 2018 - Blast from the Past
Apr 23, 2018 - B-I-N-G-O
Apr 23, 2018 - Bad Ass
Apr 23, 2018 - AWOL
Apr 23, 2018 - Avatar of Me
Apr 23, 2018 - Atinlay Igpay
Apr 23, 2018 - Assquatch
Apr 23, 2018 - Ass Whuppin'
Apr 23, 2018 - Artful Looter
Apr 23, 2018 - Ambiguity
Apr 23, 2018 - Aesthetic Consultation
Apr 23, 2018 - _____
Apr 23, 2018 - "Ach! Hans, Run!"
Sep 3, 2013 - Swamp
Sep 3, 2013 - R&D's Secret Lair
Sep 3, 2013 - Plains
Sep 3, 2013 - Mountain
Sep 3, 2013 - Island
Sep 3, 2013 - Forest
Sep 3, 2013 - City of Ass

"Ach! Hans, Run!"

    2 R R G G

At the beginning of your upkeep, you may say "Ach Hans, run It's the . . ." and the name of a creature card. If you do, search your library for a card with that name, put it onto the battlefield, then shuffle your library. That creature gains haste. Exile it at the beginning of the next end step.

illus. Quinton Hoover # 116/0


    1 U
Creature - Shapeshifter

1: This card's name becomes the card name of your choice. Activate this ability anywhere, anytime.

{1}: This card's flavor text becomes the flavor text of your choice. (This ability doesn't work because it's flavor text, not rules text (but neither does this reminder text, so you figure it out).)

illus. Ron Spears # 23/0


Aesthetic Consultation


Choose an artist. Exile the top six cards of your library, then reveal cards from the top of your library until you reveal a card with art by the chosen artist. Put that card in your hand and exile all other cards revealed this way.

illus. David "Help Me" Martin # 48/0


    2 U U

Whenever a player plays a spell that counters a spell that has been played or a player plays a spell that comes into play with counters, that player may counter the next spell played or put an additional counter on a permanent that has already been played, but not countered.

illus. Stephen Daniele # 24/0

Artful Looter

    2 U
Creature - Human Wizard

T: Draw a card, then discard a card.

Whenever a permanent that shares an artist with another permanent you control enters the battlefield, untap Artful Looter.

PRICELESS PIC PILFEREDPainting Found Abandoned in GraveyardMerfolk Decry Wizards' Treatment

illus. Heather "Erica Gassalasca-Jape" Hudson # 25/0


Ass Whuppin'

    1 W B

Destroy target silver-bordered permanent in any game you can see from your seat.

Asses to ashes,Donkeys to dust.

illus. Don Hazeltine # 117/0


    4 R
Creature - Donkey

Each other Donkey gets +1½/+1½.

Whenever another Donkey enters the battlefield, untap target creature and gain control of it until end of turn. That creature gains haste until end of turn.

Who wants to see a picture of a big hairy ass?

illus. Jeremy Jarvis # 71/0


Atinlay Igpay

    5 W
Eaturecray - Igpay

Oubleday ikestray

Enwhay ouyay eakspay ay onnay-igpay-atinlay ordway, acrificesay Atinlay Igpay.

Isthay iecepay ofay avorflay exttay oesn'tday eallyray aysay anythingay.

illus. Evkay Alkerway # 1/0


Avatar of Me

    2 U U
Creature - Avatar

This spell costs 1 more to cast for each ten years you've been alive.

Avatar of Me's power is equal to your height in feet and its toughness is equal to your American shoe size. Round to the nearest ½.

Avatar of Me is the color of your eyes.

illus. Greg Hildebrandt # 26/0



    2 W

Exile target attacking creature. Then remove it from the game. Then put it into the absolutely-removed-from-the-freaking-game-forever zone.

illus. Stephen Tappin # 2/0

Bad Ass

    2 B B
Creature - Donkey Zombie

1B, Growl: Regenerate Bad Ass.

He wanders the land in search of Good Ass.

illus. Thomas M. Baxa # 49/0



    1 G
Creature - Hound


Whenever a player casts a spell, put a chip counter on its converted mana cost.

B-I-N-G-O gets +9/+9 for each set of three numbers in a row with chip counters on them.

There was a farmer, had a hound . . .

illus. Ron Spencer # 92/0


Blast from the Past

    2 R

Madness R, cycling 1R, kicker 2R, flashback 3R, buyback 4R

Blast from the Past deals 2 damage to any target. If this spell was kicked, create a 1/1 red Goblin creature token.

illus. Douglas Schuler # 72/0


    2 B
Creature - Zombie

When the names of three or more nonland permanents begin with the same letter, sacrifice Bloodletter. If you do, it deals 2 damage to each creature and each player.

"That's not really an A. It's an Æ. They changed it! Wait, don't—" —Hœbrus Væm, Aerathi librarian, last words

illus. Daren Bader # 50/0


Booster Tutor


Open a sealed Magic booster pack, reveal the cards, and put one of those cards into your hand. (Remove that card from your deck before beginning a new game.)

Real men use Arabian Nights boosters.

illus. Christopher Rush # 51/0

Bosom Buddy

    3 W
Creature - Elephant Townsfolk

Whenever you cast a spell, you may gain ½ life for each word in that spell's name.

"Step 1: I believe in a power and toughness greater than myself . . . ."

illus. Dan Scott # 3/0


Brushstroke Paintermage

    3 U
Creature - Human Wizard

T: Target permanent's artist becomes the artist of your choice until end of turn.

He gives credit where credit isn't due.

illus. Ron "Don't You Dare Change Me" Spears # 27/0


Bursting Beebles

    2 U
Creature - Beeble

Bursting Beebles can't be blocked as long as defending player controls two or more nonland permanents that share an artist.

Like thousands of others, the beebles quit Magic for several years following the release of the Mercadian Masques set.

illus. David "Beeblemania" Martin # 28/0



    1 W
Creature - Bird


Gotcha — If an opponent touches the table with their hand, you may say "Gotcha" When you do, return Cardpecker from your graveyard to your hand.

illus. Richard Sardinha # 4/0


Carnivorous Death-Parrot

    1 U
Creature - Bird


At the beginning of your upkeep, sacrifice Carnivorous Death-Parrot unless you say its flavor text.

Save a kill spell to deal with this guy.

illus. Tim Hildebrandt # 29/0


Cheap Ass

    1 W
Creature - Donkey Townsfolk

Spells you cast cost o½ less to cast.

And you thought Yawgmoth drove a hard bargain.

illus. Randy Gallegos # 5/0



    U U U
Creature - Efreet

If Cheatyface is in your hand, you may sneak Cheatyface onto the battlefield. If an opponent catches you right away, that player may exile Cheatyface.


illus. Doug Chaffee # 30/0


Circle of Protection: Art

    1 W

As Circle of Protection: Art enters the battlefield, choose an artist.

1W: The next time a source of your choice with art by the chosen artist would deal damage to you this turn, prevent that damage.

1W: Return Circle of Protection: Art to its owner's hand.

illus. Jim "Stop the Da Vinci Beatdown" Pavelec # 6/0

City of Ass


City of Ass enters the battlefield tapped.

T: Add one and one-half mana of any one color.

"But . . ."

illus. John Avon # 134/0

Collector Protector

    3 W W
Creature - Human Gamer

W, Give an opponent a nonland card you own from outside the game: Prevent the next 1 damage that would be dealt to you or Collector Protector this turn.

"Here—have a Mudhole."

illus. Christopher Rush # 7/0


Creature Guy

    3 G
Creature - Beast

Gotcha — If an opponent says "creature" or "guy," you may say "Gotcha" When you do, return Creature Guy from your graveyard to your hand.

There once was a player named Quinn, . . .

illus. Jeff Easley # 93/0


Curse of the Fire Penguin

    4 R R
Creature - Penguin


When this creature dies, return Curse of the Fire Penguin to the battlefield.

illus. Matt Thompson # 73/0


Deal Damage

    2 R R

Deal Damage deals 4 damage to any target.

Gotcha — If an opponent says "deal" or "damage," you may say "Gotcha" When you do, return Deal Damage from your graveyard to your hand.

Until he got singed . . .

illus. Scott M. Fischer # 74/0

Double Header

    3 U U
Creature - Drake


When Double Header enters the battlefield, you may return target permanent with a two-word name to its owner's hand.

Players that don't read flavor text aren't too bright, sorta smell, and dress funny. But let's just keep this between us, okay? They can get kind of violent.

illus. Richard Sardinha # 31/0


Drawn Together

    2 W W

As Drawn Together enters the battlefield, choose an artist.

Creatures with art by the chosen artist get +2/+2.

"My Pete Venters theme deck is nearly complete. Then I shall be unstoppable Bwahahahaaa"—Pete Venters

illus. Pete "Fear Me" Venters # 8/0



Destroy target creature with reminder text. (Reminder text is any italicized text in parentheses that explains rules you already know.)

Will players understand that the creature is being crushed by two parentheses?Not a chance.

illus. Dave Dorman # 52/0

Dumb Ass

    2 R
Creature - Donkey Barbarian

At the beginning of your upkeep, flip a coin. If you lose the flip, target opponent chooses whether Dumb Ass attacks this turn.

Envying the intelligence of goblins is a bad place to be.

illus. Bradley Williams # 75/0


Elvish House Party

    4 G G
Creature - Elf Rogue

Elvish House Party's power and toughness are each equal to the current hour, using the twelve-hour system.

The party was going strong for nearly an hour past midnight—then all of a sudden it just petered out.

illus. Thomas Manning # 94/0



    2 W
Creature - Human Rogue

Whenever another creature enters the battlefield, you may stand up and say in a deep, booming voice, "Presenting . . . " and that creature's name. If you do, put a +1/+1 counter on that creature.

The ogre appealed the match loss and got it downgraded to a warning.

illus. Quinton Hoover # 9/0


Enter the Dungeon

    B B

Players play a Magic subgame under the table, starting at 5 life and using their libraries as their decks. The winner searches their library for two cards, puts those cards into their hand, then shuffles their library.

illus. Luca Zontini # 53/0

Erase (Not the Urza's Legacy One)

    2 W

If you control two or more white permanents that share an artist, you may cast Erase (Not the Urza's Legacy One) without paying its mana cost.

Exile target enchantment.

Synonyms for "erase" we haven't used: ablate, abrade, chafe, fray, frazzle, scuff, and scrub.

illus. Pete "Yes the Urza's Legacy One" Venters # 10/0

Eye to Eye

    2 B

You and target creature's controller have a staring contest. If you win, destroy that creature.

True, Gargox had blinded himself for life, but the glass eyes never lost.

illus. Michael Sutfin # 54/0

Face to Face

    1 R

You and target opponent play a best two-out-of-three Rock, Paper, Scissors match. If you win, Face to Face deals 5 damage to that player.

Befuddled by this new game, Argg longed for the days of Rock, Rock, Rock.

illus. Randy Gallegos # 76/0

Farewell to Arms

    1 B B

As Farewell to Arms enters the battlefield, choose a hand attached to an opponent's arm.

When the chosen hand isn't behind its owner's back, sacrifice Farewell to Arms. If you do, that player discards their hand . . . of cards. (The lawyers wouldn't let us do it the other way.)

illus. Ron Lemen # 56/0

Fascist Art Director

    1 W W
Creature - Human Horror

WW: Fascist Art Director gains protection from the artist of your choice until end of turn.

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Cranford,After careful analysis of Jeremy's vocational testing, I feel that he is best suited for a career in either torture or art direction.

illus. Edward P. "Feed Me" Beard, Jr. # 11/0


Fat Ass

    4 G
Creature - Donkey Shaman

Fat Ass gets +2/+2 and has trample as long as you're eating. (Gum isn't food. We checked.)

Our lawyers say no matter how funny it would be, we can't encourage players to eat the cards. Hear that? Whatever you do, don't eat the delicious cards.

illus. Jeremy Jarvis # 95/0


First Come, First Served

    1 W

Each attacking or blocking creature with the lowest collector number among attacking or blocking creatures has first strike.

The Yotian soldiers hoped that one day R&D would make an artifact creature whose name starts with Z. And in their dreams, it's a 4/1.

illus. Thomas Gianni # 12/0


    2 U

Counter target spell unless its controller pays 3o½.

"Don't worry about it. It happens to every mage sooner or later."

illus. Tim Hildebrandt # 32/0


Basic Land - Forest

illus. John Avon # 140/0

Form of the Squirrel


As Form of the Squirrel enters the battlefield, create a 1/1 green Squirrel creature token. You lose the game when that creature leaves the battlefield.

Creatures can't attack you.

You have shroud.

You can't cast spells.

illus. Carl Critchlow # 96/0

Fraction Jackson

    2 G
Creature - Human Hero

G, T: Return target card with a ½ on it from your graveyard to your hand.

Bitten by radioactive beebles in a freak algebra accident, young Ricky Robertson discovered he'd gained the ability to harness the awesome power of fractions

illus. Mark Poole # 97/0



    1 U

Choose an artist. Tap all untapped permanents with art by that artist or untap all tapped permanents with art by that artist.

Who knew an 8˝ by 10˝ could feel like a 2˝ by 4˝?

illus. Alan "Don't Feel Like You Have to Pick Me" Pollack # 33/0

Frankie Peanuts

    2 W W
Legendary Creature - Elephant Rogue

At the beginning of your upkeep, you may ask target player a yes-or-no question. If you do, that player answers the question truthfully and abides by that answer if able until end of turn.

Don't cross him or you'll end up sleeping with the merfolk.

illus. Thomas M. Baxa # 13/0


Frazzled Editor

    1 R
Creature - Human Bureaucrat

Protection from wordy (Something is wordy if it has four or more lines of rules text.)

The pen is mightier than the sword.

illus. Jim Pavelec # 77/0



Legendary Artifact

You choose all targets for all spells and abilities.

Help us . . . R&D under mental domination of alien brain in jar . . . only chance . . . Gleemax's blatant disregard for flavor text . . . send help

illus. Richard Thomas # 121/0

Gluetius Maximus

    3 G G
Creature - Beast

As Gluetius Maximus enters the battlefield, an opponent chooses one of your fingers. (Thumbs are fingers, too.)

When the chosen finger isn't touching Gluetius Maximus, sacrifice Gluetius Maximus.

illus. Jeff Easley # 98/0


Goblin Mime

    1 R
Creature - Goblin Mime

When you speak, sacrifice Goblin Mime.

Pretending to be inside an invisible box was easy enough for Brug. It was finding the invisible door that caused him problems.

illus. Franz Vohwinkel # 78/0


Goblin S.W.A.T. Team

    3 R
Creature - Goblin Warrior

Say "Goblin S.W.A.T. Team": Put a +1/+1 counter on Goblin S.W.A.T. Team unless an opponent swats the table within five seconds. Activate this ability only once each turn.

They put the "special" in special weapons and tactics.

illus. Eric Deschamps # 80/0


Goblin Secret Agent

    2 R
Creature - Goblin Rogue

First strike

At the beginning of your upkeep, reveal a card from your hand at random.


illus. Tony Szczudlo # 79/0


Granny's Payback

    7 G

You gain life equal to your age.

R&D CommentsBB 10/10: Why does a life-gaining card show an old lady killing people?MR (10/10/03): We'll fix it in the flavor text.

illus. Joel Thomas # 99/0

Graphic Violence

    2 G

All creatures with art by the artist of your choice get +2/+2 and gain trample until end of turn.


illus. Wayne "King of" England # 100/0

Greater Morphling

    6 U U
Creature - Shapeshifter

2: Greater Morphling gains your choice of banding, bushido 1, double strike, fear, flying, first strike, haste, landwalk of your choice, protection from a color of your choice, provoke, rampage 1, shadow, or trample until end of turn.

2: Greater Morphling becomes the colors of your choice until end of turn.

2: Greater Morphling becomes the creature type of your choice until end of turn.

2: Greater Morphling's expansion symbol becomes the symbol of your choice until end of turn.

2: Greater Morphling's art becomes by the artist of your choice until end of turn.

2: Greater Morphling gets +2/-2 or -2/+2 until end of turn.

2: Untap Greater Morphling.

illus. Greg "Six-Pack" Staples # 34/0


Head to Head


You and target opponent play Seven Questions with the top card of that player's library. If you win, prevent all damage that would be dealt this turn by a source of your choice. (To play Seven Questions, that player looks at the card, then you ask up to six yes-or-no questions about the card that they answer truthfully. You guess the card's name—that's question seven—then the player reveals the card.)

illus. Thomas Gianni # 14/0

Infernal Spawn of Infernal Spawn of Evil

    8 B B
Creature - Demon Child

Flying, first strike, trample

Once each turn, while you're searching your library, you may pay 1B, reveal Infernal Spawn of Infernal Spawn of Evil from your library and say "I'm coming, too" If you do, Infernal Spawn of Infernal Spawn of Evil deals 2 damage to a player of your choice.

illus. Ron Spencer # 57/0



Basic Land - Island

illus. John Avon # 137/0

Johnny, Combo Player

    2 U U
Legendary Creature - Human Gamer

4: Search your library for a card, put that card into your hand, then shuffle your library.

"Just wait till I get my Krark-Clan Ironworks, Genesis Chamber, and Grinding Station. Oh yeah, and a second Myr Retriever."

illus. Kensuke Okabayashi # 35/0


Keeper of the Sacred Word

    2 G
Creature - Human Druid

As Keeper of the Sacred Word enters the battlefield, choose a word.

Whenever an opponent says the chosen word, Keeper of the Sacred Word gets +3/+3 until end of turn.

This is not a subliminal message.

illus. Dany Orizio # 101/0


Kill Destroy

    1 B B

Destroy target nonblack creature.

Gotcha — If an opponent says "kill" or "destroy," you may say "Gotcha" When you do, return Kill Destroy from your graveyard to your hand.

Getting "Gotcha'ed" again and again.

illus. Corey D. Macourek # 58/0

Ladies' Knight

    3 W
Creature - Human Knight


Spells cast by players wearing at least one item of women's clothing cost 1 less to cast. (You can define women's clothing as you see fit. Be reasonable.)

"I said ‘Put him in a core set, not a corset'"—Richard Garfield, Ph.D.

illus. Ron Spears # 15/0


Land Aid '04

    G G

Search your library for a basic land card, put that card onto the battlefield tapped, then shuffle your library. If you sang a song the whole time you were searching and shuffling, you may untap that land.

illus. Jim Nelson # 102/0

Laughing Hyena

    1 G
Creature - Hyena

Gotcha — If an opponent laughs, you may say "Gotcha" When you do, return Laughing Hyena from your graveyard to your hand.

"Two muffins are baking in an oven. One muffin says to the other muffin, ‘It's getting hot in here, huh?' The other muffin says, ‘Aagh A talking muffin'"

illus. Mark Poole # 103/0


Letter Bomb


When Letter Bomb enters the battlefield, sign it and shuffle it into target player's library. That player reveals each card they draw until they draw Letter Bomb. When that player draws Letter Bomb, it deals 19½ damage to them.

"Dear Magic R&D, . . ."

illus. Daniel Gelon # 122/0

Little Girl

    H a l f a W H i t E
Creature - Human Child

In the future, she may be a distinguished leader, a great scholar, or a decorated hero. These days all she does is pee the bed.

illus. Rebecca Guay # 16/0


Look at Me, I'm R&D

    2 W

As Look at Me, I'm R&D enters the battlefield, choose a number and a second number one higher or one lower than the first number.

All instances of the first chosen number in the full text of each permanent, spell, and card in any zone are changed to the second chosen number.

illus. (none) # 17/0

Loose Lips

Enchantment - Aura

Enchant creature

As Loose Lips enters the battlefield, choose a sentence with eight or fewer words.

Enchanted creature has flying.

Whenever enchanted creature deals damage to an opponent, that player may say the chosen sentence. If they don't, you draw two cards.

Your sentence can't be longer than this one.

illus. John Matson # 36/0

Magical Hacker

    1 U
Creature - Human Gamer

U: Change the text of target spell or permanent by replacing all instances of + with -, and vice versa, until end of turn.

1|= y()u (4|\| r3@d 7#5, y0|_| /\r3 @ IVI0/\/$+3|2 &33|

illus. Doug Chaffee # 37/0


Man of Measure

    1 W W
Creature - Human Knight

As long as you're shorter than an opponent, Man of Measure gets +0/+1 and has first strike.

As long as you're taller than an opponent, Man of Measure gets +1/+0.

You need to be this tall to play this card.

illus. Edward P. Beard, Jr. # 18/0


Mana Flair

    1 R

Add R for each nonland permanent with art by the artist of your choice.

What began as blackHas slowly shifted to red.Fickle color pie.

illus. Paolo "That's Actually Me" Parente # 81/0

Mana Screw


1: Flip a coin. If you win the flip, add CC. Activate this ability only any time you could cast an instant.

There was no darker or more evil creation in all the multiverse than that of the mana screw.

illus. Mike Raabe # 123/0

Meddling Kids

    2 W U
Creature - Human Child

As Meddling Kids enters the battlefield, choose a word with four or more letters.

Spells with the chosen word in their text box can't be cast.

These kids know their four-letter words.

illus. Christopher Moeller # 118/0




Choose a nonland card name, then reveal the top card of your library. If that card has the chosen name, you draw three cards.

mise 'miz v alter. of might as well (1997) 1: to win when you don't deserve to 2: to top-deck the "tings" you need 3: to be rewarded by an opponent's bad luck 4: to coin a phrase that spreads through the tournament scene like wildfire 5: to fling a monkey 6: to split firewood using a sharp instrument 7: To burn

illus. Matt Cavotta # 38/0

Moniker Mage

    2 U
Creature - Human Wizard

U, Say your middle name: Moniker Mage gains shroud until end of turn.

U, Say an opponent's middle name: Moniker Mage gains flying until end of turn.

illus. Keith Garletts # 39/0


Monkey Monkey Monkey

    3 G
Creature - Monkey

As Monkey Monkey Monkey enters the battlefield, choose a letter.

Monkey Monkey Monkey gets +1/+1 for each nonland permanent whose name begins with the chosen letter.

Many matches make more madcap monkey mayhem.

illus. Liz Danforth # 104/0


Mons's Goblin Waiters

Creature - Goblin Waiter

Sacrifice a creature or land: Add HalfaREd.

Poached Rukh EggsRockCooked RockUnicorn-on-the-CobWormfang Turtle Soup

illus. Pete Venters # 82/0


Mother of Goons

    2 B
Creature - Human Cleric

Whenever a creature an opponent controls dies, sacrifice Mother of Goons unless you insult that creature.

"Word to me."

illus. Darrell Riche # 59/0



Basic Land - Mountain

illus. John Avon # 139/0

Mouth to Mouth

    3 U

Choose target opponent and target creature they control. You and that player have a breath-holding contest. If you win, you gain control of that creature.

Interesting tidbit: Surveys show that the card Ow has one of the most popular pieces of flavor text in the Unglued expansion.

illus. Alan Pollack # 40/0

Mox Lotus


T: Add InfinitE.

100: Add one mana of any color.

illus. Kevin Dobler # 124/0

My First Tome


1, T: Say the flavor text on a card in your hand. Target opponent guesses that card's name. You may reveal that card. If you do and they guessed wrong, you draw a card.

This card is named My First Tome.

illus. Heather Hudson # 125/0

Name Dropping

    1 G

Gotcha — If an opponent says a word that's in the name of a card in your graveyard, you may say "Gotcha" When you do, return that card to your hand.

Gemini (May 21–June 21) This week is a good time to branch out and meet others, but don't forget your roots. Avoid commitments and open flame.

illus. Tony Szczudlo # 105/0


    B B B

Skip your untap step.

At the beginning of your upkeep, you may pay X life. If you do, untap X permanents.

Pay ½ life: Exile the top card of your library face down. Put that card into your hand at the beginning of the next end step.

illus. Mark Tedin # 60/0

Now I Know My ABC's

    1 U U

At the beginning of your upkeep, if you control permanents with names that include all twenty-six letters of the English alphabet, you win the game.

The quick onyx goblin jumps over the lazy dwarf.

illus. Tony Szczudlo # 41/0

Number Crunch

    2 U

Return target permanent to its owner's hand.

Gotcha — If an opponent says a number, you may say "Gotcha" When you do, return Number Crunch from your graveyard to your hand.

Can you digit?

illus. Stephen Daniele # 42/0

Old Fogey

    G G
Summon - Dinosaur

Phasing, cumulative upkeep 1, echo GG, fading 3, bands with other Dinosaurs, protection from Homarids, snow-covered plainswalk, flanking, rampage 2

"These kids today with their collector numbers and their newfangled tap symbol. Twenty Black Lotuses and twenty Plague Rats. Now that's real Magic."

illus. Douglas Schuler # 106/0


Orcish Paratroopers

    2 R
Creature - Orc Paratrooper

When Orcish Paratroopers enters the battlefield, flip it from a height of at least one foot. Sacrifice Orcish Paratroopers unless it turns over completely at least once during the flip and lands face up.

IOU one parashoot—Urk, mogg fanatic

illus. Matt Thompson # 83/0


Our Market Research Shows That Players Like Really Long Card Names So We Made this Card to Have the Absolute Longest Card Name Ever Elemental

    1 G G
Creature - Elemental

Art rampage 2 (Whenever this creature becomes blocked by a creature, it gets +2/+2 for each creature in the blocker's art beyond the first.)


illus. Greg Hildebrandt # 107/0


Persecute Artist

    1 B B

Choose an artist other than Rebecca Guay. Target player reveals their hand and discards all nonland cards with art by the chosen artist.

The torches and pitchforks were no match for Rebecca's fans.

illus. Rebecca "Don't Mess with Me" Guay # 61/0

Phyrexian Librarian

    3 B
Creature - Horror

Flying, trample

At the beginning of your upkeep, exile the top card of your library and balance it on your body.

When a balanced card falls or touches another balanced card, sacrifice Phyrexian Librarian.

illus. Kev Walker # 62/0



Basic Land - Plains

illus. John Avon # 136/0

Pointy Finger of Doom


3, T: Spin Pointy Finger of Doom in the middle of the table so that it rotates completely at least once, then destroy the closest permanent the finger points to.

"I would have made a ‘Spin-The-Bottle' joke if I thought anyone reading this had ever played the game."—Bucky, flavor text writer

illus. Martina Pilcerova # 126/0


    3 R

Punctuate deals damage to target creature equal to half the number of punctuation marks in that creature's text box. (The punctuation marks are ? , ; : - — ( ) / " " ‘ ' & .)

"Ooh—right in the colon."

illus. Jim Pavelec # 84/0

Pygmy Giant

    1 R R
Creature - Giant

R, T, Sacrifice a creature: Pygmy Giant deals X damage to target creature, where X is a number in the sacrificed creature's text box.

"487. You're welcome."—Bucky, flavor text writer

illus. Eric Deschamps # 85/0


Question Elemental?

    2 U U
Creature - Elemental?

Did you know this creature has flying?

Are you aware that any time you say something that isn't a question, when a player points out this fact first, they gain control of Question Elemental?

"What the . . . ?"

illus. Edward P. Beard, Jr. # 43/0


R&D's Secret Lair

Legendary Land

Play cards as written. Ignore all errata.

T: Add C to your mana pool. (This mana is still added to your mana pool.)

"Let them complain. As long as the addictive ink is working, we can do anything we want."PLAY AT YOUR OWN RISK

illus. John Avon # 135/0


    2 B R

Each player sacrifices all permanents that are rare or mythic rare, then each player reveals their hand and discards all cards that are rare or mythic rare.

The only rare you'll ever need. Okay, not really.

illus. John Matson # 119/0

Red-Hot Hottie

    2 R R
Creature - Elemental

Whenever Red-Hot Hottie deals damage to a creature, put a third-degree-burn counter on that creature. It gains "At the beginning of each end step, sacrifice this creature unless you scream ‘Aaah' at the top of your lungs."

She was winning the Dominarian "Are You Hot?" competition until disaster struck during the wet T-shirt round.

illus. Jeremy Jarvis # 86/0



    2 G

If you control two or more green permanents that share an artist, you may cast this spell without paying its mana cost.

Exile target artifact.

6 PM (23) This Old Grove 98055A rusted masticore makes a beautiful addition to any garden.

illus. Lars Grant-"Wild Wild"-West # 108/0

Richard Garfield, Ph.D.

    3 U U
Legendary Creature - Human Designer

You may play cards as though they were other cards of your choice with the same mana cost. You can't choose the same card twice. (Mana cost includes color.)

And yea he doth spake: "Let there be Magic."

illus. Dave Dorman # 44/0


Rocket-Powered Turbo Slug

    3 R
Creature - Slug

Super haste (This may attack the turn before you cast it. (You may put this card from your hand onto the battlefield tapped and attacking during your declare attackers step. If you do, you lose the game at the beginning of your next turn's end step unless you pay this card's mana cost during that turn.))

illus. Franz Vohwinkel # 87/0


Rod of Spanking


2, T: Rod of Spanking deals 1 damage to target player. Then untap Rod of Spanking unless that player says "Thank you, sir. May I have another?"

Minutes before the campus watch busted pledge week at the Alpha Beta Unlimited house . . .

illus. Mark Brill # 127/0


Creature - Ooze

You may have S.N.O.T. enter the battlefield stuck to another creature named S.N.O.T. If you do, all those creatures form a single creature.

S.N.O.T.'s power and toughness are each equal to the square of the number of cards named S.N.O.T. stuck together to form it. (One is a 1/1, two are a 4/4, three are a 9/9, and four are a 16/16. If you manage to get -1 S.N.O.T.s stuck together, it's a 1/1.)

illus. Cyril Van Der Haegen # 111/0



    1 R R

Sauté deals 3½ damage to any target.

"Selecting the proper beeble is the key to a good sauté. The pinker the fur and the heartier the yelp, the more succulent the beeble will be when you pop it in your mouth."—Asmoranomardicadaistinaculdacar,The Underworld Cookbook,

illus. Jeff Miracola # 88/0

Save Life


Choose one —

• Target player gains 2½ life.

• Prevent the next 2½ damage that would be dealt to target creature this turn.

Gotcha — If an opponent says "save" or "life," you may say "Gotcha" When you do, return Save Life from your graveyard to your hand.

Who consistently managed to win.

illus. Ray Lago # 19/0

Shoe Tree

    4 G
Creature - Treefolk

Shoe Tree enters the battlefield with up to two shoe counters on it. Use your shoes as counters.

Shoe Tree gets +1/+1 for each shoe counter on it.

It grows several feet a year.

illus. Francis Tsai # 109/0


Side to Side

    2 G

You and target opponent arm-wrestle. If you win, create a 3/3 green Ape creature token.

His friends at the gym never knew Garanth's secret shame. For years he had tried to walk away from professional arm wrestling, but hey—free monkeys.

illus. Jim Nelson # 110/0

Six-y Beast

    3 R
Creature - Beast

As Six-y Beast enters the battlefield, you secretly put six or fewer +1/+1 counters on it, then an opponent guesses the number of counters. If that player guesses right, sacrifice Six-y Beast after it enters the battlefield.

Is it six?

illus. Anson Maddocks # 89/0


Smart Ass

    2 U
Creature - Donkey Wizard

Whenever Smart Ass attacks, choose a card name. If defending player has no cards with the chosen name in their hand, they may reveal their hand. If they don't reveal their hand, Smart Ass can't be blocked this turn.

"I don't get it. Why doesn't anybody like me?"

illus. Trevor Hairsine # 45/0


Spell Counter

    2 U U

Counter target spell.

Gotcha — If an opponent says "spell" or "counter," you may say "Gotcha" When you do, return Spell Counter from your graveyard to your hand.

Playing Unhinged, . . .

illus. Doug Chaffee # 46/0

Standing Army

    2 W W
Creature - Human Soldier

As long as you're standing, Standing Army has vigilance.

They're the chair-men of the bored.

illus. Randy Gallegos # 20/0


Staying Power

    2 W

"Until end of turn" and "this turn" effects don't end.

Mongo's fleas no longer bothered him. But the family of goblins that had moved in behind his left ear was starting to get really irritating.

illus. Richard Sardinha # 21/0

Stone-Cold Basilisk

    4 G
Creature - Basilisk

Whenever Stone-Cold Basilisk blocks or becomes blocked by a creature with fewer letters in its name, destroy that creature at end of combat. (Punctuation and spaces aren't letters.)

Whenever an opponent reads Stone-Cold Basilisk, that player is turned to stone until end of turn. Stoned players can't attack, block, cast spells, or activate abilities.

illus. Don Hazeltine # 112/0


Stop That


Target player discards a card.

Gotcha — If an opponent audibly flicks the cards in their hand, you may say "Gotcha" When you do, return Stop That from your graveyard to your hand.

Now for a squirt of lemon juice.

illus. Anson Maddocks # 63/0

Super Secret Tech


Premium spells cost 1 less to cast.

Premium creatures get +1/+1.

"Ooh . . . shiny"

illus. Dan Frazier # 141/0


    1 G

Target creature gets +3½/+3½ until end of turn.

You want "mise" with that?

illus. DiTerlizzi # 113/0


Basic Land - Swamp

illus. John Avon # 138/0

Symbol Status

    2 G G

Create a 1/1 colorless Expansion-Symbol creature token for each different expansion symbol among permanents you control.

"Everyone break into teams. Weaponry, you're with me. Nature group, meet by the palm tree. Stoneworks and metalworks, follow the anvil. Everyone else, gather around the giant V."—Sword of Kaldra

illus. Liz Danforth # 114/0

Tainted Monkey

    1 B
Creature - Monkey

T: Choose a word. Target player puts the top card of their library into their graveyard. If that card has the chosen word in its text box, that player loses 3 life.

"C'mon, choose ‘monkey.' Everybody loves monkeys"

illus. Mark Zug # 64/0


The Fallen Apart

    2 B B
Creature - Zombie

The Fallen Apart enters the battlefield with two arms and two legs.

Whenever damage is dealt to The Fallen Apart, remove an arm or a leg from it.

The Fallen Apart can't attack if it has no legs and can't block if it has no arms.

illus. Corey D. Macourek # 55/0


Time Machine


T: Exile Time Machine and target nontoken creature you own. Return them to the battlefield at the beginning of your upkeep on your turn X in the next game you play with one of your opponents in this game, where X is the converted mana cost of the exiled creature.

illus. John Avon # 128/0


Artifact Creature - Golem

Togglodyte enters the battlefield turned on.

Whenever a player casts a spell, toggle Togglodyte's ON/OFF switch.

As long as Togglodyte is turned off, it can't attack or block, and prevent all damage it would deal.

illus. Dan Frazier # 129/0


Topsy Turvy

    2 U

The phases of each player's turn are reversed. (The phases are, in reverse order, ending, postcombat main, combat, precombat main, and beginning.)

As long as there are more than two players in the game, the turn order is reversed.

"Here on going is heck the what?"

illus. Jeff Miracola # 47/0

Touch and Go

    3 R

Destroy target land.

Gotcha — If an opponent touches their face, you may say "Gotcha" When you do, return Touch and Go from your graveyard to your hand.

Judge's ruling: The interior of the face still counts as the face, so a nose-pick is legitimate grounds for saying "Gotcha"

illus. Ben Thompson # 90/0

Toy Boat

Artifact Creature - Ship

Cumulative upkeep—Say "Toy Boat" quickly. (At the beginning of your upkeep, put an age counter on Toy Boat, then sacrifice it unless you say "Toy Boat" once for each age counter on it—without pausing between or fumbling it.)

illus. Lars Grant-West # 130/0


Uktabi Kong

    5 G G G
Creature - Ape


When Uktabi Kong enters the battlefield, destroy all artifacts.

Tap two untapped Apes you control: Create a 1/1 green Ape creature token.

"I desire the acquisition of a potassium-rich fruit comestible of substantial magnitude."

illus. Una Fricker # 115/0


Urza's Hot Tub


2, Discard a card: Search your library for a card that shares a complete word in its name with the discarded card, reveal it, put it into your hand, then shuffle your library.


illus. Stephen Tappin # 131/0

Vile Bile

    1 B
Creature - Ooze

Whenever a player's skin or fingernail touches Vile Bile, that player loses 2 life.

illus. Tony Szczudlo # 65/0


Water Gun Balloon Game


As Water Gun Balloon Game enters the battlefield, each player puts a pop counter on a 0.

Whenever a player casts a spell, move that player's pop counter up 1.

Whenever a player's pop counter hits 5, that player creates a 5/5 pink Giant Teddy Bear creature token and resets all pop counters to 0.

illus. Mark Brill # 132/0

Wet Willie of the Damned

    2 B B

Wet Willie of the Damned deals 2½ damage to any target and you gain 2½ life.

Ever the warrior, Glissa responded with a "wedgie from beyond Uranus."

illus. Greg Staples # 66/0

When Fluffy Bunnies Attack

    3 B

Target creature gets -X/-X until end of turn, where X is the number of times the letter of your choice appears in that creature's name.

"Get it? Bunnies, letters, -X/-X? Me neither."—Bucky, flavor text writer

illus. Ray Lago # 67/0





Target player gains X life.




Destroy target artifact.




Counter target creature spell.




Destroy target land.




Destroy target enchantment.

illus. Dan Frazier # 120/0


Enchantment - Aura

Enchant creature

Enchanted creature gets +1/+1 for each word in its name.

"Suck on it, Stangg"—Sol'kanar the Swamp King

illus. Ron Spencer # 22/0

Working Stiff

    1 B
Creature - Mummy

As Working Stiff enters the battlefield, straighten your arms.

When you bend an elbow, sacrifice Working Stiff.

Oh, does your nose itch?

illus. Darrell Riche # 68/0


World-Bottling Kit


5, Sacrifice World-Bottling Kit: Choose a Magic set. Exile all permanents with that set's expansion symbol except for basic lands.


illus. Alan Rabinowitz # 133/0

Yet Another Aether Vortex

    3 R R

All creatures have haste.

Players play with the top card of their libraries revealed.

Noninstant, nonsorcery cards on top of a library are on the battlefield under their owner's control in addition to being in that library.

It puts the "vortex" in "flavortext."

illus. David Day # 91/0

Zombie Fanboy

    2 B
Creature - Zombie Gamer

As Zombie Fanboy enters the battlefield, choose an artist.

Whenever a permanent with art by the chosen artist is put into a graveyard, put two +1/+1 counters on Zombie Fanboy.

The real advantage of being a zombie gamer? No one notices the stench.

illus. Matt "I'm Your Boy" Cavotta # 69/0


Zzzyxas's Abyss

    1 B B

At the beginning of your upkeep, destroy all nonland permanents with the first name alphabetically among nonland permanents.

Tired of always being picked last, the wizard Zzzyxas created the ultimate revenge.

illus. Pete Venters # 70/0