I enjoyed this story. It was fun and light and kept me interested. The main problems were with the overall structure. You make a deal with the reader at the beginning of a story that any unresolved issues you present will be resolved in the end. this doesn't happen here. We never find out why Grakk has been turned into a zombie or, really what he's searching for (sure it's supposedly food, but it's not, really).
Thus the ending leaves the reader feeling a little cheated. Not only does the character we've been rooting for from the beginning die, but he dies with unresolved issues. We're left wondering why we cared for him in the first place.
This is the main reason for the lower ratings in flow/structure and style. Your mechanics were basically sound, but you should still work on grammar and sentence flow. Avoid overusing adjectives and adverbs. The strongest words in any sentence are the verbs and nouns. Pick the right verbs and nouns and you will find you don't need so many adverbs and adjectives.
Also, you do tend to let your sentences run away with you. the word I like to use is "tighten." this basically means say the same thing with fewer words or break the sentence in multiple sentence. Every word you put into a short story has be put through the test of does it have to be there or not. If you can get the same meaning with fewer words, it is almost always a stronger and more powerful way to say it.
As for Creativity, there was a lot here. I liked the zombie story. Zombies, themselves are not that original, but you gave it an interesting slant. And I liked the mystery angle of not knowing how he became a zombie or why he was searching for food. If you had resolved those issues in the end, I would have upped your creativity score.
A general note about my scoring: I scored all the entries from the viewpoint of "professional quality." Fives (and even fours) will be rare and mean that in my opinion those works were ready (or nearly ready) to be published in a professional magazine.
A general note about my scoring: I scored all the entries from the viewpoint of "professional quality." Fives (and even fours) will be rare and mean that in my opinion those works were ready (or nearly ready) to be published in a professional magazine.
A general note about my scoring: I scored all the entries from the viewpoint of "professional quality." Fives (and even fours) will be rare and mean that in my opinion those works were ready (or nearly ready) to be published in a professional magazine.
A general note about my scoring: I scored all the entries from the viewpoint of "professional quality." Fives (and even fours) will be rare and mean that in my opinion those works were ready (or nearly ready) to be published in a professional magazine.
A general note about my scoring: I scored all the entries from the viewpoint of "professional quality." Fives (and even fours) will be rare and mean that in my opinion those works were ready (or nearly ready) to be published in a professional magazine.
A general note about my scoring: I scored all the entries from the viewpoint of "professional quality." Fives (and even fours) will be rare and mean that in my opinion those works were ready (or nearly ready) to be published in a professional magazine.
A general note about my scoring: I scored all the entries from the viewpoint of "professional quality." Fives (and even fours) will be rare and mean that in my opinion those works were ready (or nearly ready) to be published in a professional magazine.
A general note about my scoring: I scored all the entries from the viewpoint of "professional quality." Fives (and even fours) will be rare and mean that in my opinion those works were ready (or nearly ready) to be published in a professional magazine.
Okay, this question isn't actually Magic related, it's more "Hey, a chance to talk to published authors, they might be able to help" related. I recently won the short story contest in the Personal Writing's forum here with my parody of high fantasy, and after a little polishing, would like to submit it for actual publication somewhere. Problem is, as it is parodic in tone, I'm not sure what sorts of publications would accept this sort of stories. Any ideas?
(incidentally, one of the judges from the last contest suggested asking if any of you would be interested in judging the next one, which I get to run as prize for winning the first one. So, um... here's the invitation ;))
The biggest problem with parody high fantasy is that it's a small sub-market of an already small market. My guess on your best bet is to go with the high fantasy pubs already out there. Start at the top and work your way down. F&SF doesn't print a lot of high fantasy, so I would start with Realms of Fantasy.
You can also look at online publishers. Not as prestigious (although this is changing), but there are a LOT more of them, so a better chance to find a paying market. Here are a couple of good URLs for finding markets:
And as for judging, I would love to. I actually teach a small writing course through our local Continuing Education Administration, so I get a chance to read a lot of amateur writing. I like to think I have a good eye and ear for quality. Let me know. I think it would be fun.
I've another question for Cory and Will: Ur-Golem's Eye's flavor text mentions millenea, meaning Mirrodin happens in a quite distant future, but as far as I know, no official date has been given for the Mirrodin cycle yet. Where you given any indication to how long after the Invasion/Onslaught cycle it is supposed to happen?
I don't believe we were ever given a specific timeframe, but the number 1,000 sticks out in my brain. I believe the thought was that they wanted to distance this story from the previous one in both space and time.
Memnarch definitely spends centuries just wandering around karn's world and then going mad and bringing all the other residents to Mirrodin. Then you have at least several hundred more years when the residents begin to transform from flesh to metal.
Remember the elves go through their memory wiping ritual every hundred years and Glissa has been through at least one already and for it to become a ritual, then it must have happened quite a few times before that.
My estimate was always about that 1,000 year mark, but I also agree with Cory that time between planes may or may not be consistent.
If we can bring other authors into this as well, I think the one character beyond anyone who got their just deserts was Laquatus.
Thank you, Tanthalas.
I really loved writing the death of Laquatus. Heck I just loved writing Laquatus from beginning to end. He was a smarmy diplomat - the perfect villain. Everyone was going to hate him from the get go.
And that death scene was something I had seen in my head from the very beginning of the story. I knew exactly how the book would end even before I started writing.
Wow, I must say you do type quickly!
One other thing that I forgot to mention before: is there any reason why all the book from Masques to Scourge were called exactly the same thing as the set, apart from Chainer's Torment? And do you know of any reason why this was changed with the Moons of Mirrodin?
I can answer this one.
It was a marketing decision. The Magic brand team felt that it would be better to tie the books more closely to the sets to give the entire package a more cohesive look and feel.
The authors didn't necessarily like the decision because one-word titles are often too ambiguous to entice readers outside the Magic fold into reading the work.
After Chainer's Torment, which used the name of the set within the title of the book to great effect, the decision was altered so that more evocative titles could be used so long as the title of the set was in the title of the book somewhere. Of course, timing being what it is in the publishing business, this meant that the first book to be published under this decision was Moons of Mirrodin (only slightly altered from the title I suggested - The Four Moons of Mirrodin). So, then you got the Darksteel Eye for Darksteel and Fifth Dawn, which although it shared it's exact title with the set, it didn't need anything more because it's a pretty cool title all around.
What was found was that the shared titles worked when the set name had an evocative sound that would pull in readers and yet still meant something on it's own. But when you get just a made-up word for the set name, that will not sell books on its own. So Judgment, Odyssey, Fifth Dawn work because they evoke an image in your mind. You know what all those words mean. But since nobody was going know what Mirrodin or Kamigawa meant, these cried out for longer titles. The Moons of Mirrodin tells you that we're talking about a planet with multiple moons.
Hope this helps.
And, as always, with marketing, this current trend could change at any moment when new data shows that something else will work better or new people come into power and put their own stamp on the brand.
Here's a good question for all you writer types. Two parts:
1) How familiar are ya'll with prerevisionist magic storylines?
and
2) How big a priority do you think it should be to rehabilitate these storylines, and make them fully a part of modern, accepted magic canon?
I am not personally familiar with them. I think I have a couple, but since they didn't affect the storylines I was working on, I haven't read them yet.
As for should they be rehabilitated? I would say a qualified yes. It would be great to make the canon work well enough to get everything to flow neatly. But sometimes this can't happen because it's such a huge, sprawling multiverse. Also, as these were published before Wizards took publishing in-house, I don't know how the rights were done on these stories. It is completely possible that WotC does not have all rights to these books. I do not know if that's true, but it is possible, which would mean that Wizards could not use certain parts of the story (things that have nothing to do with copyrighted wizards material such as characters created by the authors for the story) without permission from the authors or maybe even from the publisher.
Thus the ending leaves the reader feeling a little cheated. Not only does the character we've been rooting for from the beginning die, but he dies with unresolved issues. We're left wondering why we cared for him in the first place.
This is the main reason for the lower ratings in flow/structure and style. Your mechanics were basically sound, but you should still work on grammar and sentence flow. Avoid overusing adjectives and adverbs. The strongest words in any sentence are the verbs and nouns. Pick the right verbs and nouns and you will find you don't need so many adverbs and adjectives.
Also, you do tend to let your sentences run away with you. the word I like to use is "tighten." this basically means say the same thing with fewer words or break the sentence in multiple sentence. Every word you put into a short story has be put through the test of does it have to be there or not. If you can get the same meaning with fewer words, it is almost always a stronger and more powerful way to say it.
As for Creativity, there was a lot here. I liked the zombie story. Zombies, themselves are not that original, but you gave it an interesting slant. And I liked the mystery angle of not knowing how he became a zombie or why he was searching for food. If you had resolved those issues in the end, I would have upped your creativity score.
I hope some of this helps your writing.
Will
E
Flow/Structure - 4
Mechanics - 4
Creativity - 3
Style - 4
A general note about my scoring: I scored all the entries from the viewpoint of "professional quality." Fives (and even fours) will be rare and mean that in my opinion those works were ready (or nearly ready) to be published in a professional magazine.
Flow/Structure - 3
Mechanics - 4
Creativity - 4
Style - 5
A general note about my scoring: I scored all the entries from the viewpoint of "professional quality." Fives (and even fours) will be rare and mean that in my opinion those works were ready (or nearly ready) to be published in a professional magazine.
Flow/Structure - 4
Mechanics - 3
Creativity - 4
Style - 3
A general note about my scoring: I scored all the entries from the viewpoint of "professional quality." Fives (and even fours) will be rare and mean that in my opinion those works were ready (or nearly ready) to be published in a professional magazine.
Flow/Structure - 4
Mechanics - 3
Creativity - 3
Style - 4
A general note about my scoring: I scored all the entries from the viewpoint of "professional quality." Fives (and even fours) will be rare and mean that in my opinion those works were ready (or nearly ready) to be published in a professional magazine.
Flow/Structure - 4
Mechanics - 3
Creativity - 2
Style - 4
A general note about my scoring: I scored all the entries from the viewpoint of "professional quality." Fives (and even fours) will be rare and mean that in my opinion those works were ready (or nearly ready) to be published in a professional magazine.
Flow/Structure - 2
Mechanics - 3
Creativity - 2
Style - 2
A general note about my scoring: I scored all the entries from the viewpoint of "professional quality." Fives (and even fours) will be rare and mean that in my opinion those works were ready (or nearly ready) to be published in a professional magazine.
Flow/Structure - 3
Mechanics - 3
Creativity - 3
Style - 3
A general note about my scoring: I scored all the entries from the viewpoint of "professional quality." Fives (and even fours) will be rare and mean that in my opinion those works were ready (or nearly ready) to be published in a professional magazine.
Flow/Structure - 2
Mechanics - 3
Creativity - 3
Style - 2
A general note about my scoring: I scored all the entries from the viewpoint of "professional quality." Fives (and even fours) will be rare and mean that in my opinion those works were ready (or nearly ready) to be published in a professional magazine.
The biggest problem with parody high fantasy is that it's a small sub-market of an already small market. My guess on your best bet is to go with the high fantasy pubs already out there. Start at the top and work your way down. F&SF doesn't print a lot of high fantasy, so I would start with Realms of Fantasy.
You can also look at online publishers. Not as prestigious (although this is changing), but there are a LOT more of them, so a better chance to find a paying market. Here are a couple of good URLs for finding markets:
http://gilaqueen.us/
http://www.ralan.com/
And as for judging, I would love to. I actually teach a small writing course through our local Continuing Education Administration, so I get a chance to read a lot of amateur writing. I like to think I have a good eye and ear for quality. Let me know. I think it would be fun.
Will
I don't believe we were ever given a specific timeframe, but the number 1,000 sticks out in my brain. I believe the thought was that they wanted to distance this story from the previous one in both space and time.
Memnarch definitely spends centuries just wandering around karn's world and then going mad and bringing all the other residents to Mirrodin. Then you have at least several hundred more years when the residents begin to transform from flesh to metal.
Remember the elves go through their memory wiping ritual every hundred years and Glissa has been through at least one already and for it to become a ritual, then it must have happened quite a few times before that.
My estimate was always about that 1,000 year mark, but I also agree with Cory that time between planes may or may not be consistent.
Hope some of this helps.
Will
Thank you, Tanthalas.
I really loved writing the death of Laquatus. Heck I just loved writing Laquatus from beginning to end. He was a smarmy diplomat - the perfect villain. Everyone was going to hate him from the get go.
And that death scene was something I had seen in my head from the very beginning of the story. I knew exactly how the book would end even before I started writing.
Will
I can answer this one.
It was a marketing decision. The Magic brand team felt that it would be better to tie the books more closely to the sets to give the entire package a more cohesive look and feel.
The authors didn't necessarily like the decision because one-word titles are often too ambiguous to entice readers outside the Magic fold into reading the work.
After Chainer's Torment, which used the name of the set within the title of the book to great effect, the decision was altered so that more evocative titles could be used so long as the title of the set was in the title of the book somewhere. Of course, timing being what it is in the publishing business, this meant that the first book to be published under this decision was Moons of Mirrodin (only slightly altered from the title I suggested - The Four Moons of Mirrodin). So, then you got the Darksteel Eye for Darksteel and Fifth Dawn, which although it shared it's exact title with the set, it didn't need anything more because it's a pretty cool title all around.
What was found was that the shared titles worked when the set name had an evocative sound that would pull in readers and yet still meant something on it's own. But when you get just a made-up word for the set name, that will not sell books on its own. So Judgment, Odyssey, Fifth Dawn work because they evoke an image in your mind. You know what all those words mean. But since nobody was going know what Mirrodin or Kamigawa meant, these cried out for longer titles. The Moons of Mirrodin tells you that we're talking about a planet with multiple moons.
Hope this helps.
And, as always, with marketing, this current trend could change at any moment when new data shows that something else will work better or new people come into power and put their own stamp on the brand.
Will
Perhaps they are the whole key to understanding the very fabric of the multiverse. Mwah ha ha.
Okay, maybe not.
Will
I am not personally familiar with them. I think I have a couple, but since they didn't affect the storylines I was working on, I haven't read them yet.
As for should they be rehabilitated? I would say a qualified yes. It would be great to make the canon work well enough to get everything to flow neatly. But sometimes this can't happen because it's such a huge, sprawling multiverse. Also, as these were published before Wizards took publishing in-house, I don't know how the rights were done on these stories. It is completely possible that WotC does not have all rights to these books. I do not know if that's true, but it is possible, which would mean that Wizards could not use certain parts of the story (things that have nothing to do with copyrighted wizards material such as characters created by the authors for the story) without permission from the authors or maybe even from the publisher.
Will