Nutcrusher2
Artifact Creature - Soldier (U) T, sacrifice a naughty permanent: You gain 3 life. "Remember to be good, because they'll crush any nuts that end up on the naughty list."
1/3
Flavor is fine for an un-set, but not as hilarious to me as some other submissions this round. I can get behind the fact that this has no race, but just a class. In un-sets very few things, if any, are off limits. The only real major point against this design is that after reading it, it left me with a question: what are naughty permanents? I feel like some reminder text is needed here, or else you have another Steamflogger Boss, that is a card with meaningless rules text.
Coldbringer Yeti2UU
Snow Creature - Yeti (U)
When Coldbrnger Yeti enters the battlefield, you may tap target creature and put an ice cube on it. That creature remains tapped as long as the ice cube hasn't melted. "This will go great in my cube deck!" or "Have an ice day!"
3/3
Bonus points for the flavor text: it actually made me laugh! That's what un-cards are supposed to do. The mechanics also are in "an ice" place, as they are something that reads like an actual Magic card but with a touch that makes no sense in black border. It's wacky but in a good way, not in the way that makes you go "Oh my, what were they thinking?". Very good work. Just a typo: an "i" is missing in "Coldbrnger".
Gumdrop Commando1R
Creature - Cookie Warrior
Haste
Whenever Gumdrop Commando attacks you may race your opponent. If you win the race Gumdrop Commando cannot be blocked this turn. "Run, run as fast as you can..."
3/1
I appreciate the idea, it's quite good and original. I only wonder how can we race if we are playing in the classical kitchen table with little room available, but I guess a casual group of friends would find a way using their imagination. Outside of logistics, I see no problem with this, and it's actually quite flavorful. It didn't make me laugh as other entries this round, but it's fine anyway. Minor typos: two commas are missing (one after "attacks" and one after "win the race"), and "cannot" would be in its contracted form "can't" as it is in every Magic card.
Foodie Kid2B
Creature - Human Child (U)
Players may only use edibles for counters. (This affects counters already in use.) T: Eat a counter from target permanent or player. Surprisingly, the poison counters tasted like chicken.
2/3
Nice touch in using a creature type that doesn't exist in black border (Child). I would have liked it to be "Teenage" very much, for the ongoing thing about having "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" in un-world. It would actually have felt right on this card, it feels like a missed chance. Talking about mechanics, they fall in the same nice spot as aftermarketradio's card: they read "Magic" enough, but have that little touch of wacky added that doesn't feel too much. This flavor text is another one that made me laugh. Good work.
Naughty/Nice Accountant3GW
Creature - Elf Advisor (R)
As Naughty/Nice Accountant enters the battefield, make a list of five cards. Check it twice. Mark each card on the list as 'naughty' or 'nice'.
'Naughty' spells cost 2 more to cast.
'Nice' spells cost 2 less to cast. Apparently, forgetting "Adminstrative Assistant's Day" is a surefire ticket to the naughty list.
[Art: A naughty list with Santa's name angrily scrawled in]
2/2
I think you could have found a better name, as Naughty//Nice already exists as one of the holiday cards. Mechanically, this card feels like something that could be done in black border, just not with this exact wording, of course. But there is nothing in this card that can't be done in black border at all. Also, if we assume the color pie works also in un-world, which I think it should, this should be monowhite. I don't see the green in it. Flavor is fine but not as hilarious as other entries this round.
T, Tap X Elf creatures you control: Put an artifact card with converted mana cost X or less from your hand onto the battlefield.
This is a black bordered card. The only thing making it an un-card is maybe the flavor, but I can easily see that in black border too: let's just imagine that some elves on, say, Lorwyn have a book where they note the spells most useful to them. Regardless of border, this is a good card: clean, elegant and strong. I actually like this quite a lot as a card, it's just that I could see it in any regular expansion set in a world where there are elves.
Top 3
first place: aftermarketradio
second place: doomfish
third place: SelesnyaNewLife
Artorius, The King of Kings3WW
Legendary Creature - Human Knight (M)
Other creatures you control get +X/+X, where X is ~'s power. 1WW: ~ gets +X/+X until end of turn, where X is the number of equipment you control. Those that took seat at his table came to admire him. It was only a short time before they were emboldened by his valor and the good spirit.
2/3
Very good evolution of my character, I like it. You managed to keep Artorius's mechanical identity (global pump and equipment matters) in a way that's very different from the original. I also like the flavor text, with him being an inspiration for others. That justifies his mechanics very nicely. The only flaw could be having X twice on the card with different meanings, mechanically that's perfectly fine, but maybe it could be potentially confusing. Overall, you did a very good job evolving my character.
Blinding Crow, Emperor's Servant3WWR
Legendary Creature - Bird (M)
Flying
When ~ attacks, tap each other creature. Then return target creature card from your graveyard to the battlefield tapped and attacking. It gains indestructible until end of turn. "Your radiance has become the beacon of my people and the scourge of my foes."
-- Emperor Jimmu
2/2
Again, you managed to keep all elements of the original design rearranging them in a new form that makes complete sense. There's just one thing: I don't feel the "tap each other creature" part is necessary to capture the feel of the original card. I feel like you just put it there for power reasons, and this is certainly very powerful indeed. But that's the only point I can make against this card, all the rest is very good work. I particularly appreciate that you kept the essence of the original with even less word and more elegance.
Flash Fang Ujol3RRW
Legendary Creature - Elemental Wolf (M)
Vigilance, Haste
~ can't be blocked except by two or more creatures.
When ~ attacks or blocks, it deals 2 damage to any number of target creatures and/or players. Whether it strikes more than once or all at once the naked eye will never know.
3/3
Again, a very neat and clean evolution of the original card that manages in keeping its essence intact. The only strike against this is that it's actually maybe too similar to the original card. Other than that, not much more to say. Final note: haste shouldn't be capitalized, as in a list of keywords only the first one is. RaikouRider got this right in his original card, by the way.
Overall, three very good designs, simple and clean enough. I've been impressed by your ability in keeping the essence of the original cards while also applying some twists without adding too much complexity. Very good work.
Artorius the Liberator3RW
Legendary Creature - Human {M}
At the beginning of your upkeep, for each Equipment you control, put a 1/1 red and white Soldier creature token with haste onto the battlefield. You may attach that Equipment to that creature. The ruler of one kingdom swiftly became the ruler of many. 4/4
Another evolution of my character that I really like. That's a very original idea for the "equipment matters" side of Artorius, and the execution is very good too. Wording is perfect, and flavor too. The only criticism I have is that you lost the global pump, which was also part of Artorius's identity. But I could see that too as evolution, in the end when you evolve you don't always gain features, sometimes you lose them too. In this case, you ignored that part of my original card but surely gained in cohesiveness of the design. It can be a fair trade after all. Anyway, this is very good work.
Emperor's Blackwing4RBW
Legendary Creature - Bird {M}
Indestructible
When Emperor's Blackwing enters the battlefield, return up to two target creature cards from your graveyard to the battlefield. Those creatures gain indestructible, and they gain haste until end of turn.
If Emperor's Blackwing or a creature put onto the battlefield with it would leave the battlefield, instead exile it and all creatures put onto the battlefield with it.
2/2
That's certainly an evolution: instead of one card, I bring two back, and I'm also stronger. Nothing wrong with that. What pushes this card back in my preferences is complexity. This is very complex, particularly that last ability. I think this card could have existed without it well enough, and it would have gained a lot in simplicity, elegance and ease of understanding. By the way, a couple notes on editing and wording: first, the order of mana symbols is the traditional one and not the Tarkir one, but that can be fine as it's not yet clear if this is a permanent change or if it's only for Tarkir block. Second, it should be "Those creatures gain haste and indestructible until end of turn". No need to repeat "they gain".
Lucied the Scornful3WWW
Legendary Creature - Angel {M}
Flying
At the beginning of each upkeep, put a +1/+1 counter on Lucied the Scornful. 1WW, Remove X +1/+1 counters from Lucied the Scornful: Destroy each other creature with converted mana cost X. "If you think you're greater than me, let's just see how great you really are. Perish!" 4/4
A good way to evolve a character: make it bigger, copy its rules text and add an ability that cares about something the card already does. Nothing wrong about this, but you took the easy road. In fact, you managed perfectly in that, and the result is a good and coherent design, even if not so original.
Overall, I think I can see a common theme: good and neat ideas, but some little issues in the execution of those ideas. I feel like the execution doesn't live up to the idea, and that's true for all three cards of yours.
aftermarketradio
First, a note on your original card (Eight-Span Crow of Jimmu-O) which kept coming to my mind both as I was designing my evolution of it and as I wrote critiques on its evolutions by other participants: why doesn't it fly? It's a bird, it should fly. Maybe there's a reason in the reference, but MaRo told many times modern top down design is about the perception of the reference, not the faithfulness to it. It won't count in my judgment for this round, but I just felt like putting it out there.
Artorius, The Lionhearted3WW
Legendary Creature - Human (M)
Vigilance
As long as Artorius, The Lionhearted is equipped, treat other creatures you control as though that equipment were attached to them. "My men are my pride, in every sense"
4/4
The flavor of this, but mostly the name, really speaks to me, as you can guess from my username, which by the way comes from something very personal to me, so it warmed my heart. You couldn't know that as I never stated that publicly, so that's surely unintended. A period is missing at the end of the quoted flavor text. But let's talk mechanics. The idea is very good and original: Equipment attached to me works on all of my creatures. I like that idea very much, but unfortunately I feel the execution is not good enough. I don't think "treat" is a verb I could find in rules text in modern Magic design. I specified modern because of course it would have been normal years ago, and in fact if my memory serves you can find it in the printed text of some very old cards, but not today. I don't know how it could have been worded to be fine under modern design principles, but certainly not like this.
Ujol, the Gathering Storm3RGW
Legendary Creature - Elemental Wolf (R)
Vigilance, haste
Whenever Ujol, the Gathering Storm attacks, put a token copy of it onto the battlefield attacking.
Whenever Ujol, the Gathering Storm blocks a creature, put a token copy it onto the battlefield blocking that creature.
The "legend rule" doesn't apply to Ujol, the Gathering Storm. Clouds and wolves always travel in packs.
2/2
About the flavor, it's evident I wasn't the only one thinking about storms after reading about the reference. But that's not a problem, maybe it just was the easiest place to go to for a flavor evolution. Mechanically, that's a very interesting evolution: instead of dealing damage I put copies of myself. The only thing against this idea is that its execution is inevitably very complex, and this card is no exception. The final ability is obviously necessary to still have this be legendary to satisfy the main challenge. If it wasn't requested, this card probably wouldn't be legendary to start with, for gameplay reasons. A final note on wording: it should be "put a token onto the battlefield that's a copy of it" both times (see Pack Rat and other cards).
The Angel of Retribution3WW
Legendary Creature - Angel (M)
Flying
At the beginning of each upkeep, put a +1/+1 counter on The Angel of Retribution.
As long as The Angel of Retribution is in your graveyard, at the beginning of each upkeep, you may pay 1B. If you do, put a -1/-1 counter on target creature. "You did not revere me in life. But you will fear me in death."
3/3
What I said about RaikouRider's evolution of IcariiFA's original card is true here too: you took the easy road of making it bigger, copying its rules text and adding an ability. Nothing wrong about that. But here there's an additional thing to say beside that: if you want to follow R&D's policies, +1/+1 counters and -1/-1 counters are never together in a single set, let alone on the same card. I don't completely agree personally but I can see their point. Also, I don't see a great synergy between the last ability and the other ones, and that makes me almost wonder why that last ability is even there. I think if it asked the payment of white mana to give a +1/+1 counter instead of -1/-1 with black mana, it would have been both much more cohesive and elegant.
Overall, I have a similar view of your submission and RaikouRider's one: good and neat ideas but that are somewhat lacking in execution.
Top 3
first place: IcariiFA
second place: RaikouRider
third place: aftermarketradio
Votes:
CryoZenith
Koopa (even though you need to reveal the card you searched for before putting it into your hand, to make sure it shares a creature type)
Aggressive SoldierRW
Creature — Human Soldier (U) Battalion — Whenever Aggressive Soldier and at least two other creatures attack, Aggressive Soldier gets +2/+1 and gains first strike and trample until end of turn. “The fury of our army can’t be faced by a mere cat, you need a mighty beast.”
2/1
Aggressive BeastRG
Creature — Beast (U)
First strike, trample Bloodrush — RG, Discard Aggressive Beast: Target attacking creature gets +2/+1 and gains first strike and trample until end of turn. “The fury of the beast can’t be faced by a single man, you need a whole army.”
2/1
Last month I posted cards I designed during my lurking years for the challenges of the MCC. This month and the next one I'll do the same with the CCL. Yes, I already have 62 cards ready in a MSE file, one for each day of December and January.
Votes: AliasBot, CryoZenith
Abysmal Darkness3BB
Enchantment (R)
Black creatures you control get +1/+1 for each Swamp you control. “Here in Stensia it’s so dark that only creatures able to see are those made up of darkness itself.”
—Naroly, Innistrad traveler
Round 1 for December has been posted. You can find it here.
Also, I wanted to reveal all the voluntary mistakes I hid in the sample card for judging, and I chose to do so in a different way, with a little game added for those that want to have fun. That's not linked to or required for the MCC in any way, it's just for fun. You can find it here in the edited part of the post.
This month we'll be looking at the most basic foundation of the game: mana. But we'll look at it from a maybe unusual point of view. In fact, the theme of this month's MCC is "mana symbols". We'll explore what mana symbols look like when we go beyond the simple sun, drop, skull, flame, or tree within a grey circle. (By the way, you wouldn't believe how long it took me to understand that the red mana symbol was meant to represent a flame. I just haven't been able to see it for years, literally!)
This round we start by exploring what happens when two of those shapes get together to form a single mana symbol.
Main challenge: design a card with at least one hybrid mana symbol in its mana cost or text box. Please see clarifications.
Subchallenge 1: The card has ONLY hybrid mana symbols in both its mana cost and text box and they are ALL of the same colors. Please see clarifications.
Subchallenge 2: The card is common or uncommon.
Note: As :sym: notation doesn't seem to work on the new boards, to make hybrid mana symbols, you can use mana tags like this:
[mana]{W/U}{U/B}{B/R}{R/G}{G/W}{W/B}{U/R}{B/G}{R/W}{G/U}{2/W}{2/U}{2/B}{2/R}{2/G}[/mana]
which becomes: (W/U)(U/B)(B/R)(R/G)(G/W)(W/B)(U/R)(B/G)(R/W)(G/U)(2/W)(2/U)(2/B)(2/R)(2/G)
About the main challenge:
Your card can include any other symbols in its mana cost or rules text, as long as there is at least one hybrid mana symbol in either of them.
Colorless hybrid ((2/W), called "twobrid" informally) and traditional two-colored hybrid mana symbols both count.
Also, mana symbols in reminder text DO count. That's why I specified "text box", that includes rules text, reminder text and flavor text. For example, a card with extort satisfies this challenge as long as its reminder text is included in the card, because that reminder text contains a hybrid mana symbol ((W/B)).
About subchallenge 1:
This challenge means that all mana symbols that appear on your card are hybrid and identical.
If you use traditional two-colored hybrid mana symbols, satisfying this challenge implies that your card would have a hybrid frame if it were actually printed, and that its color identity is exactly two colors, no more and no less.
If you use monocolored hybrid mana symbols, satisfying this challenge implies that your card will be monocolored even though it can be cast using mana of any color, and that its color identity is exactly one color, no more and no less.
What follows are examples of cards that DO pass this challenge:
• A card that costs (W/U) with no mana symbols in its text box.
• A card that costs (U/B)(U/B) with an activated ability that costs (U/B).
• A card that costs (B/R)(B/R)(B/R) with a triggered ability that requires the payment of (B/R).
• A card that costs (R/G)(R/G) with an activated ability that costs T. (It has T in the text box, which is a non-hybrid symbol, but is not a MANA symbol, so it's fine.)
• A card that costs (G/W) with an activated ability that costs (G/W), T. (See above.)
• A card that costs (2/W) with an activated ability that costs (2/W), N. (N is also not a mana symbol, so it's fine. To make the untap symbol, use [mana]N[/mana].)
The following examples would NOT pass this challenge:
• A card that costs (U/B)(U/B) with an activated ability that costs (U/R). (It has a symbol with a different color in the text box. Even though it shares one color with the symbols in the mana cost, it doesn't share the other color too.)
• A card that costs (B/R)(B/R)(B/R) with a triggered ability that requires the payment of G.
• A card that costs (2/R)(2/R)(2/R) with a triggered ability that requires the payment of 2.
• A card that costs 1(W/U), regardless of what's in the text box. (It has a non-hybrid mana symbol in its mana cost.)
• A card that costs (W/U)(U/B), regardless of what's in the text box. (It has hybrid symbols with different colors in its mana cost, even though they share a color.)
• A card that costs (W/U)(2/W), regardless of what's in the text box. (It has hybrid symbols with different colors in its mana cost, even though they share a color.)
• A card that costs (W/U)(B/R), regardless of what's in the text box. (It has hybrid symbols with different colors in its mana cost.)
I will adopt a fixed schedule this month: each round will last exactly a week, with designs being due on each friday afternoon and judgings being due on the following tuesday afternoon, so that new rounds will be posted that same tuesday night. I'll adjust the deadline times to be more comfortable to me as I live in Europe, but I'll also convert them to EST as usual.
Design deadline: Friday, December 5th at 17:59 EST (23:59 in central Europe)
Judge deadline: Tuesday, December 9th at 17:59 EST (23:59 in central Europe)
If everything runs smoothly, round 2 will be posted Tuesday, December 9th in the evening (or early night in Europe).
Design (X/10) – This reflects the work put into the initial concept of the card. Creativity – How original or innovative is the card? Does it present an old idea with a new twist? Does it employ an entirely new mechanic? Elegance – Is the concept easily understood at a glance? Does the design just 'click' with the flavor? Potential – Will different player demographics (Spike/Johnny/Timmy) find a use for this card? Does it stand out as a card to build a deck around?
Development (X/10) – This reflects the execution of the idea, fleshing it into a playable card. Viability – How well does this card fit into the color wheel? Does it break or bend the rules of the game? Is it at the appropriate rarity? Balance – Does the card's cost match its power? How balanced are its interactions with other cards? Can it be played in constructed, limited, or multiplayer without breaking any of those formats? Creative Writing – Does the name sound like it fits on a card? Does the flavor text feel natural and professional? Does the combination of name, flavor text, and card concept make Vorthos spout poetry?
Polish – This reflects the finishing touches made to the card, polishing it to an end product that could see print. Challenge (X/2) – One point awarded per satisfied challenge condition. Quality (X/3) – Points deducted for incorrect spelling, grammar, and templating.
Total: X/25
BRACKETS
These brackets have been determinated at random (using the random function of Excel). Top 4 of each bracket advance to round 2.
I think this round will be very hard to design for and even more to critique. I was thinking to pass this month, when suddenly an idea hit me, and you know what? I'm not afraid of hard challenges after all!
Gift Givers1RR
Creature — Goblin (R)
When Gift Givers enters the battlefield, target opponent rolls a six-sided die, then...
1 — He or she puts a red 1/1 Goblin creature token onto the battlefield.
2 — Up to two creatures of his or her choice can’t block until your next turn.
3 — Gift Givers deals 3 damage to another creature of his or her choice.
4 — A creature of his or her choice gets +4/+0 until end of turn.
5 — Each player may discard his or her hand, then each player who did draws five cards.
6 — Gift Givers deals 6 damage to each other creature and each player. “We’ve got a whole bag full of gifts! You can have one! Just put your hand in and pick one!”
4/4
As this is a silver bordered card, I took some liberties, both on wording and text lenght. Obviously, the frame would have to be adapted and enlarged to not have microtext (think of something like Greater Morphling), but that should be ok in silver border land.
Vizkopa Vindicators3WB
Creature — Human Assassin (R)
Vigilance XWB, T: Choose target nonland permanent with converted mana cost X or less. Its controller sacrifices it. “Don’t miss to pay your debt with the Orzhov, or you will be the one to miss.”
3/3
The Angel of Pride1WWW
Legendary Creature - Angel (M)
Flying
At the beginning of each upkeep, put a +1/+1 counter on ~. He was created to be perfect. His only flaw, the desire for others to acknowledge it.
2/1
Redeemed Archangel4GWW
Legendary Creature — Angel (M)
Flying
At the beginning of your upkeep, distribute four +1/+1 counters among any number of target creatures. “I thought my torment was due to the world not accepting who I declared myself to be, but then I realized it was due to me not accepting the world for what it was created to be.”
4/4
(Note: I know it’s not true to the real reference, but I willingly chose to take a different path.)
Eight-Span Crow of Jimmu-O2WR
Legendary Creature - Bird
When Eight-Span Crow of Jimmu-O enters the battlefield, return target creature card from your graveyard to the battlefield. It gains haste until end of turn.
As long as Eight-Span Crow of Jimmu-O is on the battlefield, that creature has indestructible. "I had no fear as I walked the path of darkness. I knew your light would guide me home."
-- Emperor Jimmu
1/1
Imperial Crow3RW
Legendary Creature — Bird (M)
Flying, indestructible
When Imperial Crow enters the battlefield, you may have it fight target creature. “It guided me home. Now may its light defend all the empire and its citizens as faithfully and strongly as it protected me.”
—Emperor Jimmu
4/3
Ujol, the Nimbus FangRGW
Legendary Creature - Elemental Wolf {R}
Vigilance, haste
Whenever Ujol, the Nimbus Fang attacks or blocks, it deals 2 damage to target creature or player. Charging at the speed of lightning, it can ambush and electrocute a foe to unconsciousness in less than an eyeblink. 2/2
Ujol Stormfang2RR
Legendary Creature — Elemental Wolf (M)
Haste
Whenever Ujol Stormfang attacks, it deals 2 damage to defending player and each creature he or she controls.
Whenever Ujol Stormfang blocks, it deals 2 damage to attacking player and each creature he or she controls. Its fury is lightning. Its cry is thunder.
2/2
Undead RisingXBBB
Sorcery (R)
Put X 2/2 black Zombie creature tokens onto the battlefield. “And so you thought you had already disposed of them...”
—Shelac, necromancer
I'm interested. I've never judged so here is my sample critique:
Design (5/10) –
Creativity – This card has been done almost word for word quite recently: see Essence Backlash. Also, a blue and red counterspell that deals damage back to its controller has been a concept since at least Apocalypse (suffocating blast)
Elegance – No problems here conceptually though the wording is off.
Potential – Timmy normally hates counterspells, but might actually find some appeal in one that hurts so much. Johnny is indifferent. Spike normally doesn't like higher cost counters, but this one hurts enough and has the versatility to see use. He will give it a try.
Development (6.0/10) –
Viability – Certainly is a blue/red card, but Essence Backlash says this is too versatile to be a common. Probably an uncommon.
Balance – No problems here outside rarity.
Creative Writing – Backfire and recoil are not the same thing, so your flavor text throws off the concept here. It's certainly a reasonable direction in either case though.
Polish –
Challenge (2/2) – No problems here.
Quality (2/3) – Essence Backlash says your wording is off, and I can't find reference to a card that has ever said "if it was countered in this way"
Total: 15/25
You found some of the mistakes I hid in the sample card but not all of them. Anyway, your critique looks more than good enough to welcome you among the judges.
By the way, thanks everyone for showing so much support to a novice organizer. We already have five judges (myself, Moss_Elemental, Trivmvirate, IcariiFA, and Antny223) so I think we're good. I hope the players participation will be as good. Round 1 will be posted on Monday, December 1st (EDIT: now it's been posted and it's here). That day I'll also post here to reveal all the mistakes I voluntarily hid in the sample card.
EDIT to avoid double post:
Now that the judge signups are over, let's play a little game! Here is the sample card I gave you:
Backfire2RU
Instant (C)
Counter target spell. If it is countered in this way, backfire deals damage to its controller equal to the converted mana cost of that spell. If a gun has a strong recoil, just imagine that of a cannon!
Obviously, this card contains some voluntary mistakes to let potential judges have something to base their practice judgings on. The generic mistakes in creativity (this card being essentially Essence Backlash) and viability have already been found by IcariiFA in his sample judging. But now I'm going to let anyone try to find the mistakes in editing and wording by themselves. There are 8 of them voluntarily hidden in the card (if others are there they weren't voluntary on my part). Can you find them all?
Click on the spoilers below for hints and solutions. Mistakes are listed in order of apparition on the card.
Mistake #1
They say lightning never strikes the same place twice, but sometimes it does.
Backfire already exists as a card name. I willingly searched Gatherer for an already existing name to give to my sample card.
Mistake #2
Good soldiers always follow the orders of their general.
The order of mana symbols in the mana cost is wrong: it should be 2UR.
Mistake #3
In Italian we've got a saying that, translated in English, goes like this: A kiss is a pink apostrophe between the words "T'amo" (= "I love you").
"it is" should be in its contracted form "it's", with an apostrophe.
Mistake #4
Don't worry about what will come after you, but look at what came before you.
"in this way" should be "this way" without the preposition.
Mistake #5
"Is the capital of North Dakota, Bismarck?"
-Homer Simpson in "HOMR" (Season 12, episode 9)
The card name after the comma should be capitalized.
Mistake #6
"And here I thought 'crystal clear' meant a room with no objects made of crystal in it!"
It's not clear if "to its controller" refers to Backfire's controller or the countered spell's controller (the latter is the intent, but clarity is missing). It needs to say "that spell's controller" to be clearer (see Parallectric Feedback).
Mistake #7
"That is Lisa's sax on the table!" (this is not an actual quote but let's keep on with the Simpsons theme!)
A Saxon genitive is missing: "converted mana cost of that spell" should be "that spell's converted mana cost" (also see Parallectric Feedback).
Mistake #8
Always stick to your guns!
The flavor text is not something you'd ever read on a real Magic card. Guns have no place in real Magic, given the current R&D policy.
If you found them all, consider judging in the future months (if you don't already). If you only missed one or two, well, I guess it's still good enough, but there's still room left for improvement.
I hope you enjoyed this little game. See you in the rounds!
Votes:
CryoZenith (I think your card should be monowhite)
Rudyard
Tree of Remembrance3G
Creature — Treefolk (R)
As an additional cost to cast Tree of Remembrance, sacrifice a creature.
Tree of Remembrance’s power is equal to the total power of creature cards in your graveyard and its toughness is equal to their total toughness.
*/*
One thing's for sure: this time I'm not going to critique all entries, it already feels difficult enough to me to critique 6 un-cards.
Ingulit
Flavor is fine for an un-set, but not as hilarious to me as some other submissions this round. I can get behind the fact that this has no race, but just a class. In un-sets very few things, if any, are off limits. The only real major point against this design is that after reading it, it left me with a question: what are naughty permanents? I feel like some reminder text is needed here, or else you have another Steamflogger Boss, that is a card with meaningless rules text.
Bonus points for the flavor text: it actually made me laugh! That's what un-cards are supposed to do. The mechanics also are in "an ice" place, as they are something that reads like an actual Magic card but with a touch that makes no sense in black border. It's wacky but in a good way, not in the way that makes you go "Oh my, what were they thinking?". Very good work. Just a typo: an "i" is missing in "Coldbrnger".
I appreciate the idea, it's quite good and original. I only wonder how can we race if we are playing in the classical kitchen table with little room available, but I guess a casual group of friends would find a way using their imagination. Outside of logistics, I see no problem with this, and it's actually quite flavorful. It didn't make me laugh as other entries this round, but it's fine anyway. Minor typos: two commas are missing (one after "attacks" and one after "win the race"), and "cannot" would be in its contracted form "can't" as it is in every Magic card.
Nice touch in using a creature type that doesn't exist in black border (Child). I would have liked it to be "Teenage" very much, for the ongoing thing about having "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" in un-world. It would actually have felt right on this card, it feels like a missed chance. Talking about mechanics, they fall in the same nice spot as aftermarketradio's card: they read "Magic" enough, but have that little touch of wacky added that doesn't feel too much. This flavor text is another one that made me laugh. Good work.
I think you could have found a better name, as Naughty//Nice already exists as one of the holiday cards. Mechanically, this card feels like something that could be done in black border, just not with this exact wording, of course. But there is nothing in this card that can't be done in black border at all. Also, if we assume the color pie works also in un-world, which I think it should, this should be monowhite. I don't see the green in it. Flavor is fine but not as hilarious as other entries this round.
This is a black bordered card. The only thing making it an un-card is maybe the flavor, but I can easily see that in black border too: let's just imagine that some elves on, say, Lorwyn have a book where they note the spells most useful to them. Regardless of border, this is a good card: clean, elegant and strong. I actually like this quite a lot as a card, it's just that I could see it in any regular expansion set in a world where there are elves.
Top 3
first place: aftermarketradio
second place: doomfish
third place: SelesnyaNewLife
Very good evolution of my character, I like it. You managed to keep Artorius's mechanical identity (global pump and equipment matters) in a way that's very different from the original. I also like the flavor text, with him being an inspiration for others. That justifies his mechanics very nicely. The only flaw could be having X twice on the card with different meanings, mechanically that's perfectly fine, but maybe it could be potentially confusing. Overall, you did a very good job evolving my character.
Again, you managed to keep all elements of the original design rearranging them in a new form that makes complete sense. There's just one thing: I don't feel the "tap each other creature" part is necessary to capture the feel of the original card. I feel like you just put it there for power reasons, and this is certainly very powerful indeed. But that's the only point I can make against this card, all the rest is very good work. I particularly appreciate that you kept the essence of the original with even less word and more elegance.
Again, a very neat and clean evolution of the original card that manages in keeping its essence intact. The only strike against this is that it's actually maybe too similar to the original card. Other than that, not much more to say. Final note: haste shouldn't be capitalized, as in a list of keywords only the first one is. RaikouRider got this right in his original card, by the way.
Overall, three very good designs, simple and clean enough. I've been impressed by your ability in keeping the essence of the original cards while also applying some twists without adding too much complexity. Very good work.
Another evolution of my character that I really like. That's a very original idea for the "equipment matters" side of Artorius, and the execution is very good too. Wording is perfect, and flavor too. The only criticism I have is that you lost the global pump, which was also part of Artorius's identity. But I could see that too as evolution, in the end when you evolve you don't always gain features, sometimes you lose them too. In this case, you ignored that part of my original card but surely gained in cohesiveness of the design. It can be a fair trade after all. Anyway, this is very good work.
That's certainly an evolution: instead of one card, I bring two back, and I'm also stronger. Nothing wrong with that. What pushes this card back in my preferences is complexity. This is very complex, particularly that last ability. I think this card could have existed without it well enough, and it would have gained a lot in simplicity, elegance and ease of understanding. By the way, a couple notes on editing and wording: first, the order of mana symbols is the traditional one and not the Tarkir one, but that can be fine as it's not yet clear if this is a permanent change or if it's only for Tarkir block. Second, it should be "Those creatures gain haste and indestructible until end of turn". No need to repeat "they gain".
A good way to evolve a character: make it bigger, copy its rules text and add an ability that cares about something the card already does. Nothing wrong about this, but you took the easy road. In fact, you managed perfectly in that, and the result is a good and coherent design, even if not so original.
Overall, I think I can see a common theme: good and neat ideas, but some little issues in the execution of those ideas. I feel like the execution doesn't live up to the idea, and that's true for all three cards of yours.
First, a note on your original card (Eight-Span Crow of Jimmu-O) which kept coming to my mind both as I was designing my evolution of it and as I wrote critiques on its evolutions by other participants: why doesn't it fly? It's a bird, it should fly. Maybe there's a reason in the reference, but MaRo told many times modern top down design is about the perception of the reference, not the faithfulness to it. It won't count in my judgment for this round, but I just felt like putting it out there.
The flavor of this, but mostly the name, really speaks to me, as you can guess from my username, which by the way comes from something very personal to me, so it warmed my heart. You couldn't know that as I never stated that publicly, so that's surely unintended. A period is missing at the end of the quoted flavor text. But let's talk mechanics. The idea is very good and original: Equipment attached to me works on all of my creatures. I like that idea very much, but unfortunately I feel the execution is not good enough. I don't think "treat" is a verb I could find in rules text in modern Magic design. I specified modern because of course it would have been normal years ago, and in fact if my memory serves you can find it in the printed text of some very old cards, but not today. I don't know how it could have been worded to be fine under modern design principles, but certainly not like this.
About the flavor, it's evident I wasn't the only one thinking about storms after reading about the reference. But that's not a problem, maybe it just was the easiest place to go to for a flavor evolution. Mechanically, that's a very interesting evolution: instead of dealing damage I put copies of myself. The only thing against this idea is that its execution is inevitably very complex, and this card is no exception. The final ability is obviously necessary to still have this be legendary to satisfy the main challenge. If it wasn't requested, this card probably wouldn't be legendary to start with, for gameplay reasons. A final note on wording: it should be "put a token onto the battlefield that's a copy of it" both times (see Pack Rat and other cards).
What I said about RaikouRider's evolution of IcariiFA's original card is true here too: you took the easy road of making it bigger, copying its rules text and adding an ability. Nothing wrong about that. But here there's an additional thing to say beside that: if you want to follow R&D's policies, +1/+1 counters and -1/-1 counters are never together in a single set, let alone on the same card. I don't completely agree personally but I can see their point. Also, I don't see a great synergy between the last ability and the other ones, and that makes me almost wonder why that last ability is even there. I think if it asked the payment of white mana to give a +1/+1 counter instead of -1/-1 with black mana, it would have been both much more cohesive and elegant.
Overall, I have a similar view of your submission and RaikouRider's one: good and neat ideas but that are somewhat lacking in execution.
first place: IcariiFA
second place: RaikouRider
third place: aftermarketradio
CryoZenith
Koopa (even though you need to reveal the card you searched for before putting it into your hand, to make sure it shares a creature type)
Aggressive Soldier RW
Creature — Human Soldier (U)
Battalion — Whenever Aggressive Soldier and at least two other creatures attack, Aggressive Soldier gets +2/+1 and gains first strike and trample until end of turn.
“The fury of our army can’t be faced by a mere cat, you need a mighty beast.”
2/1
Aggressive Beast RG
Creature — Beast (U)
First strike, trample
Bloodrush — RG, Discard Aggressive Beast: Target attacking creature gets +2/+1 and gains first strike and trample until end of turn.
“The fury of the beast can’t be faced by a single man, you need a whole army.”
2/1
Votes: AliasBot, CryoZenith
Abysmal Darkness 3BB
Enchantment (R)
Black creatures you control get +1/+1 for each Swamp you control.
“Here in Stensia it’s so dark that only creatures able to see are those made up of darkness itself.”
—Naroly, Innistrad traveler
Also, I wanted to reveal all the voluntary mistakes I hid in the sample card for judging, and I chose to do so in a different way, with a little game added for those that want to have fun. That's not linked to or required for the MCC in any way, it's just for fun. You can find it here in the edited part of the post.
December MCC - Round 1
"Get together"
This month we'll be looking at the most basic foundation of the game: mana. But we'll look at it from a maybe unusual point of view. In fact, the theme of this month's MCC is "mana symbols". We'll explore what mana symbols look like when we go beyond the simple sun, drop, skull, flame, or tree within a grey circle. (By the way, you wouldn't believe how long it took me to understand that the red mana symbol was meant to represent a flame. I just haven't been able to see it for years, literally!)
This round we start by exploring what happens when two of those shapes get together to form a single mana symbol.
Main challenge: design a card with at least one hybrid mana symbol in its mana cost or text box. Please see clarifications.
Subchallenge 1: The card has ONLY hybrid mana symbols in both its mana cost and text box and they are ALL of the same colors. Please see clarifications.
Subchallenge 2: The card is common or uncommon.
Note: As :sym: notation doesn't seem to work on the new boards, to make hybrid mana symbols, you can use mana tags like this:
[mana]{W/U}{U/B}{B/R}{R/G}{G/W}{W/B}{U/R}{B/G}{R/W}{G/U}{2/W}{2/U}{2/B}{2/R}{2/G}[/mana]
which becomes:
(W/U)(U/B)(B/R)(R/G)(G/W)(W/B)(U/R)(B/G)(R/W)(G/U)(2/W)(2/U)(2/B)(2/R)(2/G)
About the main challenge:
Your card can include any other symbols in its mana cost or rules text, as long as there is at least one hybrid mana symbol in either of them.
Colorless hybrid ((2/W), called "twobrid" informally) and traditional two-colored hybrid mana symbols both count.
Also, mana symbols in reminder text DO count. That's why I specified "text box", that includes rules text, reminder text and flavor text. For example, a card with extort satisfies this challenge as long as its reminder text is included in the card, because that reminder text contains a hybrid mana symbol ((W/B)).
About subchallenge 1:
This challenge means that all mana symbols that appear on your card are hybrid and identical.
If you use traditional two-colored hybrid mana symbols, satisfying this challenge implies that your card would have a hybrid frame if it were actually printed, and that its color identity is exactly two colors, no more and no less.
If you use monocolored hybrid mana symbols, satisfying this challenge implies that your card will be monocolored even though it can be cast using mana of any color, and that its color identity is exactly one color, no more and no less.
What follows are examples of cards that DO pass this challenge:
• A card that costs (W/U) with no mana symbols in its text box.
• A card that costs (U/B)(U/B) with an activated ability that costs (U/B).
• A card that costs (B/R)(B/R)(B/R) with a triggered ability that requires the payment of (B/R).
• A card that costs (R/G)(R/G) with an activated ability that costs T. (It has T in the text box, which is a non-hybrid symbol, but is not a MANA symbol, so it's fine.)
• A card that costs (G/W) with an activated ability that costs (G/W), T. (See above.)
• A card that costs (2/W) with an activated ability that costs (2/W), N. (N is also not a mana symbol, so it's fine. To make the untap symbol, use [mana]N[/mana].)
The following examples would NOT pass this challenge:
• A card that costs (U/B)(U/B) with an activated ability that costs (U/R). (It has a symbol with a different color in the text box. Even though it shares one color with the symbols in the mana cost, it doesn't share the other color too.)
• A card that costs (B/R)(B/R)(B/R) with a triggered ability that requires the payment of G.
• A card that costs (2/R)(2/R)(2/R) with a triggered ability that requires the payment of 2.
• A card that costs 1(W/U), regardless of what's in the text box. (It has a non-hybrid mana symbol in its mana cost.)
• A card that costs (W/U)(U/B), regardless of what's in the text box. (It has hybrid symbols with different colors in its mana cost, even though they share a color.)
• A card that costs (W/U)(2/W), regardless of what's in the text box. (It has hybrid symbols with different colors in its mana cost, even though they share a color.)
• A card that costs (W/U)(B/R), regardless of what's in the text box. (It has hybrid symbols with different colors in its mana cost.)
I will adopt a fixed schedule this month: each round will last exactly a week, with designs being due on each friday afternoon and judgings being due on the following tuesday afternoon, so that new rounds will be posted that same tuesday night. I'll adjust the deadline times to be more comfortable to me as I live in Europe, but I'll also convert them to EST as usual.
Design deadline: Friday, December 5th at 17:59 EST (23:59 in central Europe)
Judge deadline: Tuesday, December 9th at 17:59 EST (23:59 in central Europe)
If everything runs smoothly, round 2 will be posted Tuesday, December 9th in the evening (or early night in Europe).
Creativity – How original or innovative is the card? Does it present an old idea with a new twist? Does it employ an entirely new mechanic?
Elegance – Is the concept easily understood at a glance? Does the design just 'click' with the flavor?
Potential – Will different player demographics (Spike/Johnny/Timmy) find a use for this card? Does it stand out as a card to build a deck around?
Development (X/10) – This reflects the execution of the idea, fleshing it into a playable card.
Viability – How well does this card fit into the color wheel? Does it break or bend the rules of the game? Is it at the appropriate rarity?
Balance – Does the card's cost match its power? How balanced are its interactions with other cards? Can it be played in constructed, limited, or multiplayer without breaking any of those formats?
Creative Writing – Does the name sound like it fits on a card? Does the flavor text feel natural and professional? Does the combination of name, flavor text, and card concept make Vorthos spout poetry?
Polish – This reflects the finishing touches made to the card, polishing it to an end product that could see print.
Challenge (X/2) – One point awarded per satisfied challenge condition.
Quality (X/3) – Points deducted for incorrect spelling, grammar, and templating.
Total: X/25
BRACKETS
These brackets have been determinated at random (using the random function of Excel). Top 4 of each bracket advance to round 2.
Judge: bravelion83
AliasBot
Cardz5000
doomfish
niko52301
VeiledAssassin
Wearth
Judge: Moss_Elemental
admirableadmiral
Asrama
Figurative
Ninja Caterpie
palanthas
SelesnyaNewLife
Judge: Trivmvirate
hopefulhawkeye
J.Do
Koopa
northprophet
NVRBLND
Rudyard
Judge: IcariiFA
8buffalo
aftermarketradio
Flatline
Marco
riliss
Sagharri
Judge: Antny223
GG Crono
JudaaMarr
Link
Ogonomany
porcelainscarecrow
Gift Givers 1RR
Creature — Goblin (R)
When Gift Givers enters the battlefield, target opponent rolls a six-sided die, then...
1 — He or she puts a red 1/1 Goblin creature token onto the battlefield.
2 — Up to two creatures of his or her choice can’t block until your next turn.
3 — Gift Givers deals 3 damage to another creature of his or her choice.
4 — A creature of his or her choice gets +4/+0 until end of turn.
5 — Each player may discard his or her hand, then each player who did draws five cards.
6 — Gift Givers deals 6 damage to each other creature and each player.
“We’ve got a whole bag full of gifts! You can have one! Just put your hand in and pick one!”
4/4
As this is a silver bordered card, I took some liberties, both on wording and text lenght. Obviously, the frame would have to be adapted and enlarged to not have microtext (think of something like Greater Morphling), but that should be ok in silver border land.
Vizkopa Vindicators 3WB
Creature — Human Assassin (R)
Vigilance
XWB, T: Choose target nonland permanent with converted mana cost X or less. Its controller sacrifices it.
“Don’t miss to pay your debt with the Orzhov, or you will be the one to miss.”
3/3
IcariiFA
Legendary Creature — Angel (M)
Flying
At the beginning of your upkeep, distribute four +1/+1 counters among any number of target creatures.
“I thought my torment was due to the world not accepting who I declared myself to be, but then I realized it was due to me not accepting the world for what it was created to be.”
4/4
(Note: I know it’s not true to the real reference, but I willingly chose to take a different path.)
aftermarketradio
Legendary Creature — Bird (M)
Flying, indestructible
When Imperial Crow enters the battlefield, you may have it fight target creature.
“It guided me home. Now may its light defend all the empire and its citizens as faithfully and strongly as it protected me.”
—Emperor Jimmu
4/3
RaikouRider
Legendary Creature — Elemental Wolf (M)
Haste
Whenever Ujol Stormfang attacks, it deals 2 damage to defending player and each creature he or she controls.
Whenever Ujol Stormfang blocks, it deals 2 damage to attacking player and each creature he or she controls.
Its fury is lightning. Its cry is thunder.
2/2
Undead Rising XBBB
Sorcery (R)
Put X 2/2 black Zombie creature tokens onto the battlefield.
“And so you thought you had already disposed of them...”
—Shelac, necromancer
You found some of the mistakes I hid in the sample card but not all of them. Anyway, your critique looks more than good enough to welcome you among the judges.
By the way, thanks everyone for showing so much support to a novice organizer. We already have five judges (myself, Moss_Elemental, Trivmvirate, IcariiFA, and Antny223) so I think we're good. I hope the players participation will be as good. Round 1 will be posted on Monday, December 1st (EDIT: now it's been posted and it's here). That day I'll also post here to reveal all the mistakes I voluntarily hid in the sample card.
EDIT to avoid double post:
Now that the judge signups are over, let's play a little game! Here is the sample card I gave you:
Backfire 2RU
Instant (C)
Counter target spell. If it is countered in this way, backfire deals damage to its controller equal to the converted mana cost of that spell.
If a gun has a strong recoil, just imagine that of a cannon!
Click on the spoilers below for hints and solutions. Mistakes are listed in order of apparition on the card.
Mistake #1
They say lightning never strikes the same place twice, but sometimes it does.
Backfire already exists as a card name. I willingly searched Gatherer for an already existing name to give to my sample card.
Mistake #2
Good soldiers always follow the orders of their general.
The order of mana symbols in the mana cost is wrong: it should be 2UR.
Mistake #3
In Italian we've got a saying that, translated in English, goes like this: A kiss is a pink apostrophe between the words "T'amo" (= "I love you").
"it is" should be in its contracted form "it's", with an apostrophe.
Mistake #4
Don't worry about what will come after you, but look at what came before you.
"in this way" should be "this way" without the preposition.
Mistake #5
"Is the capital of North Dakota, Bismarck?"
-Homer Simpson in "HOMR" (Season 12, episode 9)
The card name after the comma should be capitalized.
Mistake #6
"And here I thought 'crystal clear' meant a room with no objects made of crystal in it!"
It's not clear if "to its controller" refers to Backfire's controller or the countered spell's controller (the latter is the intent, but clarity is missing). It needs to say "that spell's controller" to be clearer (see Parallectric Feedback).
Mistake #7
"That is Lisa's sax on the table!" (this is not an actual quote but let's keep on with the Simpsons theme!)
A Saxon genitive is missing: "converted mana cost of that spell" should be "that spell's converted mana cost" (also see Parallectric Feedback).
Mistake #8
Always stick to your guns!
The flavor text is not something you'd ever read on a real Magic card. Guns have no place in real Magic, given the current R&D policy.
If you found them all, consider judging in the future months (if you don't already). If you only missed one or two, well, I guess it's still good enough, but there's still room left for improvement.
I hope you enjoyed this little game. See you in the rounds!
CryoZenith (I think your card should be monowhite)
Rudyard
Tree of Remembrance 3G
Creature — Treefolk (R)
As an additional cost to cast Tree of Remembrance, sacrifice a creature.
Tree of Remembrance’s power is equal to the total power of creature cards in your graveyard and its toughness is equal to their total toughness.
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