The second ability is heavy-handed, even more so than Glaring Spotlight was. I'm not sure about the first, either -- no-downside abilities should be used sparingly, especially when you're talking about artifacts.
* * *
BrofistR
Instant (C)
Choose two target creatures your opponents don't control. Those creatures deal 1 damage to each other and get +2/+0 until end of turn.
As long as we're in the era of 'creature angry, creature smash'...
Any better way to template it without invoking the word 'teammate'?
Whet the Appetite1R
Instant
~ deals 1 damage to target creature. If that creature would deal damage to a permanent or player this turn, it deals double that damage to that permanent or player instead.
Death Stare1BB
Enchantment - Aura
Enchant creature
Whenever a creature fights, blocks, or becomes blocked by enchanted creature, destroy that creature at the beginning of the next end step. "Why are you looking at me like that?"
Next: "Oh, I'd hoped it wouldn't come to this. Squire, bring me my BFG."
Sullied Name1BB
Enchantment
As ~ enters the battlefield, name a card other than a basic land.
Whenever a player plays the named card, he or she loses half his or her life, rounded up.
Stinging RefutationX1UR
Instant
Counter target spell with converted mana cost X. If that spell is countered this way, ~ deals X damage to that spell's controller and each creature he or she controls.
Zekhamarvesh, Infernal Oligarch4BB
Legendary Creature - Demon Cleric
Flying
Whenever a source you control deals damage to an opponent or permanent an opponent controls, you gain that much life, but not more than the player's life total before that source dealt damage, the planeswalker's loyalty before that source dealt damage, or the creature's toughness.
5/5
I agree that Equip is very fine mechanically, but from a flavor standpoint, it's preposterous at times. For instance, how does a Wall don a helmet? Or a Snake, footwear?
* * *
Brofist R
Instant (C)
Choose two target creatures your opponents don't control. Those creatures deal 1 damage to each other and get +2/+0 until end of turn.
Any better way to template it without invoking the word 'teammate'?
Instant
~ deals 1 damage to target creature. If that creature would deal damage to a permanent or player this turn, it deals double that damage to that permanent or player instead.
Enchantment
Creatures you control have haste and double strike and attack each turn if possible.
Enchantment
5UB: Choose one -- Draw three cards; or search your library for a card, put it into your hand, then shuffle your library.
Next:
Dawn of a New Era
Fusion Dance
Phlegethon Gondolier
Sloppy Seconds
Enchantment - Aura
Enchant creature
Whenever a creature fights, blocks, or becomes blocked by enchanted creature, destroy that creature at the beginning of the next end step.
"Why are you looking at me like that?"
Next:
"Oh, I'd hoped it wouldn't come to this. Squire, bring me my BFG."
Sullied Name 1BB
Enchantment
As ~ enters the battlefield, name a card other than a basic land.
Whenever a player plays the named card, he or she loses half his or her life, rounded up.
Creature - Human Archer
First strike, reach, vigilance
3/1
Instant
Tap or untap up to one target artifact.
Tap or untap up to one target creature.
Tap or untap up to one target land.
Next:
Wild Punch
Just for Kicks
Throw Down
Shoulder Bash
Creature - Plant Wall
Defender
T: Choose a colored card in your graveyard. Add one mana of that card's colors to your mana pool.
0/4
Instant
Spells of the color of your choice cost 1 less to cast until the beginning of your next turn.
Next: Samhain Festival
Creature - Ape Berserker
Trample
~ can't be blocked by fewer than two creatures.
5/4
Sorcery
Look at target player's hand and choose a card in it. That player discards that card, then discards another card.
Next:
Beefgate
Furious Heatnik
Enchantment
Spells cost 3 more to cast.
Next:
Numbercrunch Ghost
Creature - Spirit
~'s power and toughness are each equal to the ones digit of your life total.
*/*
Instant
Counter target spell with converted mana cost X. If that spell is countered this way, ~ deals X damage to that spell's controller and each creature he or she controls.
Legendary Creature - Demon Cleric
Flying
Whenever a source you control deals damage to an opponent or permanent an opponent controls, you gain that much life, but not more than the player's life total before that source dealt damage, the planeswalker's loyalty before that source dealt damage, or the creature's toughness.
5/5