Not that I'm trying to say that you can't dislike being called something - as you most certainly can.
But I'm imagining in my head a kind of casual conversation where someone has seen you, thought you were attractive and they're taking their shot at paying you a compliment.
Now, when meeting/early on you do definitively pay more attention to the physical - that's what attracted you in the first place.
So, would not this be similar to someone saying they like my curves? Or my eyes? They're trying to pay me a compliment based on the physical attribute they think is special? I realise - yes - this also means different but, let's face it, we're all different.
---
In regards to my opinion on the words used:
* Hot/Sexy/Gorgeous = Would hit that. Gorgeous tends to take on a different meaning dependent entirely on the inflection used when said.
* Beautiful/Gorgeous = Facial beauty/attractiveness. Tends to not so much be something I sad when attracted to someone. This is more of a platitude/opinion between friends. Or a compliment from a boyfriend.
* Cute/Gorgeous (When talking about a GIRL) = Adorable. Young. Innocent.
* Cute/Gorgeous (When talking about a MALE) = Can mean adorable but normally used for 'Would hit that'.
I love this car to death, having spent a bit of time in Thailand, I am EXTREMELY superstitious, and I really believe that my car is good luck to me, and has a very distinct personality. Once the car itself saved my life, I don't want to go into it, but I'm positive any other car would have crashed and killed me, but my baby DRIFTED out of the way, and I hadn't done anything to engage a drift, so yeah.
Sorry, I know this wasn't quite what you'd ask, but I'm just wondering - if you're rebuilding the car from the ground up - won't it BE a different car anyway? In which case you'd be better off just using your money to buy a new car?
I always think of the engine as the heart/mind of the car, not the shell that protects it.
1. I'm weighing in on the conversation regarding words. Agreed, do not throw around the word 'Otaku' to the Japanese nor claim to be one. Not only is it ridiculously offensive to call someone that, but the average citizen would actually be afraid of you if you claimed to be one.
2. I would probably break up with L at this point. I don't say that so that you are free to go be with M, but because if you have to ask 'do I like her?' or 'should I be with her?' then the answer is no. If the answer was yes to either of those questions, you wouldn't have to ask. You either feel it, or you don't.
And speaking from personal experience, the sooner you get that off of your plate the better. Not only does it make things worse for her dragging it out when you don't like her, but you will have a weight on your shoulders of being afraid to hurt her but not really being happy.
P.S. I know you said you definitely like her as a friend. Just a side note: Don't break up with her with high hopes you're going to stay close friends. Just go in it thinking 'what ever happens happens'. If she copes with it by no longer being friends, then that's her choice.
For the debate happening above, apparently Wikipedia defines the 'friend zone' as :
"The friend zone is when one person in a platonic relationship wishes to enter into a romantic relationship while the other does not. It is generally considered to be a regrettable situation by the lovelorn person. Common publications giving advice on dating state that once this situation has happened in a relationship, it is difficult to undo. "
Some of the definitions I've seen thrown around in this thread are what I would just define as 'friends' or 'they just don't like you back'.
I think I read through about 6 pages of this thread before this question nagged me enough to skip ahead and post it.
HOW did you reach 6 YEARS into your relationship, and not already have a clear understanding of her boundaries/expectations and personal definitions for what is and is not ok? Do you not ever talk!?
That's exactly what a friendzone is: you like someone, they like you as a friend only. Just because it's not an official word doesn't mean it doesn't exist.
Well, if that's what 'friendzone' means, then why don't people say 'they're just not interested'. The way I have always thought the 'friendzone' worked was that if you hold off making a move on a girl for too long, then you get moved into some imaginary category that can never be escaped from.
"Putting someone in an imaginary category because they failed to express their feelings in time" and "I just don't like you like that" to me are two different things. But my apologies if that's not what it meant.
So... either we have the same opinion or we can't be friends? That's... not how friendship is supposed to work, at least it's never been like that for me. We're not extensions of eachother.
Haha, no of course not. I have a lot of friends with very different opinions.
But I said "she is too dedicated to her conservatism for you" . The specific part being FOR YOU. Sometimes, those differing opinions can create too much of a lifestyle gap for it to work for various reasons. My entire answer was SOLEY based on if it was TOO conservative FOR YOU. If it's not, than there's nothing to worry about - but obviously there is, because you made it a point.
Sorry, it wasn't meant to sound like I was suggesting people should only be friends with like-minded people. That would be a sad and boring world.
I think Killane really covered it all, but my two cents.
I would change the sentance 'I am curious to know what it is like' to 'I am eager to learn how to' - I think the use of the word eager will convey your enthusiasm to participate better.
And:
'I also want to enhance my leadership skills. In group work, I often desire to take the leadership position, and when I do, I usually know all the content or how things should be done, and on disagreements I am usually willing to compromise or discuss an agreement. Becoming a CIT will allow me to further understand the role of a leader in real life.'
I would adjust this as it sounds a little like you wouldn't be happy unless you were in charge (which makes for bad leaders) - when I look through resumes for applications to work in my office, I immediately reject these purely because we have had too many people that cannot work effectively as a team because they're upset that they're not in charge, or people that are in charge suddenly have it go to their heads and turn into a dictator/know it all that doesn't take criticism or advise.
I realise, however, this was not how you were intending to sound, it's just that leadership skills would be a big part of this role. So I might suggest something more along the lines of 'developing leadership skills, eager to take on new responsibilities, the fact that you work well as part of a team and independently, good problem solving skills and good interpersonal skills and keep your comments about conflict resolution - I like that
Otherwise I think it sounded really good. You obviously have an ongoing interest in the work. Best of luck!
- No idea, without meeting you both. From how you've described it, it sounds like she thinks of you as a very good friend that she has a lot of fun with.
It does sound as though she may be oblivious to your feelings though - nothing you said indicated to me that she's interested back - but that means very little. Nerdy girls can be just as...uncomfortable expressing interest as nerdy guys.
How to I navigate the friend zone, if that's where I am?
- There is no such thing as a 'friend zone'. So I wouldn't worry at all about that.
When it comes to my friends and when we talk about 'who's interested in who' and 'do you think such-and-such would say yes to a date' I have never found that myself or any other girls go 'nah, they're my friend'.
When someone says 'Nah, they're just a friend' they actually mean 'I really like them, but I'm not romantically interested in them'. This is why people think there's a friend zone. It's just a made up confort for why someone doesn't like you back.
I.E. I was good friends with my boyfriend for 2-3 years before we started a romantic relationship.
How do I get over her semi-conservatism? I don't want to force my own beliefs on her.
- Well, in all honesty, you either present your case of why you believe/think the things you do and either she's convinced by your argument - or she's not.
If, it turns out that she is too dedicated to her conservatism for you, then the choice is changing your views because her arguments convinced you it's better, or you're not and chances are you two won't work well together anyway.
HOW THE [redacted] DO YOU KISS IN A SCENE?!
- Generally, closed eyed, open mouthed, heads tilted on a right angle and head movement.
No one normally kisses like this, but it's generally how they do it for videos/movies to get the effect of a passionate kiss.
You might try filming a few different types of kiss to see which one looks better on camera. I think they usually go with the above option because it's easier to get a facial angle, and the slightly larger than normal movement creates an emotional/passionate feeling to the scene.
Well we do flirt with each other a bit. I do try to talk to her on a regular basis. I think my plan is to wait it out because I don't want to piss her off. I honestly don't think that just because she is in a bad relationship, I can swoop in and pluck her away from him. She never says anything good about the dude so I'm going to just bide my time. If she works stuff out with him I will be happy to see her happy.
The only reason I came here about it is cause people at work disagree with me waiting.
This is the best thing you could have done. I am shocked people are suggesting you try to date her.
Being female, and in a relationship (although I don't know if my gender really is a contributing factor) but, if I had anyone try to hit on me, while knowing that I was in a relationship, not only would I be annoyed, but probably re-evaluate my respect for said person.
1. People will always whine about something. She's obviously still with the guy for a reason.
2. It's not ok to cut anyone elses lunch, I don't care who they are.
But I'm imagining in my head a kind of casual conversation where someone has seen you, thought you were attractive and they're taking their shot at paying you a compliment.
Now, when meeting/early on you do definitively pay more attention to the physical - that's what attracted you in the first place.
So, would not this be similar to someone saying they like my curves? Or my eyes? They're trying to pay me a compliment based on the physical attribute they think is special? I realise - yes - this also means different but, let's face it, we're all different.
---
In regards to my opinion on the words used:
* Hot/Sexy/Gorgeous = Would hit that. Gorgeous tends to take on a different meaning dependent entirely on the inflection used when said.
* Beautiful/Gorgeous = Facial beauty/attractiveness. Tends to not so much be something I sad when attracted to someone. This is more of a platitude/opinion between friends. Or a compliment from a boyfriend.
* Cute/Gorgeous (When talking about a GIRL) = Adorable. Young. Innocent.
* Cute/Gorgeous (When talking about a MALE) = Can mean adorable but normally used for 'Would hit that'.
Sorry, I know this wasn't quite what you'd ask, but I'm just wondering - if you're rebuilding the car from the ground up - won't it BE a different car anyway? In which case you'd be better off just using your money to buy a new car?
I always think of the engine as the heart/mind of the car, not the shell that protects it.
2. I would probably break up with L at this point. I don't say that so that you are free to go be with M, but because if you have to ask 'do I like her?' or 'should I be with her?' then the answer is no. If the answer was yes to either of those questions, you wouldn't have to ask. You either feel it, or you don't.
And speaking from personal experience, the sooner you get that off of your plate the better. Not only does it make things worse for her dragging it out when you don't like her, but you will have a weight on your shoulders of being afraid to hurt her but not really being happy.
P.S. I know you said you definitely like her as a friend. Just a side note: Don't break up with her with high hopes you're going to stay close friends. Just go in it thinking 'what ever happens happens'. If she copes with it by no longer being friends, then that's her choice.
In this instance, I don't feel 'friendzoned' would be as appropriate as 'misleading cow' would.
"The friend zone is when one person in a platonic relationship wishes to enter into a romantic relationship while the other does not. It is generally considered to be a regrettable situation by the lovelorn person. Common publications giving advice on dating state that once this situation has happened in a relationship, it is difficult to undo. "
Some of the definitions I've seen thrown around in this thread are what I would just define as 'friends' or 'they just don't like you back'.
HOW did you reach 6 YEARS into your relationship, and not already have a clear understanding of her boundaries/expectations and personal definitions for what is and is not ok? Do you not ever talk!?
Well, if that's what 'friendzone' means, then why don't people say 'they're just not interested'. The way I have always thought the 'friendzone' worked was that if you hold off making a move on a girl for too long, then you get moved into some imaginary category that can never be escaped from.
"Putting someone in an imaginary category because they failed to express their feelings in time" and "I just don't like you like that" to me are two different things. But my apologies if that's not what it meant.
So... either we have the same opinion or we can't be friends? That's... not how friendship is supposed to work, at least it's never been like that for me. We're not extensions of eachother.
Haha, no of course not. I have a lot of friends with very different opinions.
But I said "she is too dedicated to her conservatism for you" . The specific part being FOR YOU. Sometimes, those differing opinions can create too much of a lifestyle gap for it to work for various reasons. My entire answer was SOLEY based on if it was TOO conservative FOR YOU. If it's not, than there's nothing to worry about - but obviously there is, because you made it a point.
Sorry, it wasn't meant to sound like I was suggesting people should only be friends with like-minded people. That would be a sad and boring world.
I would change the sentance 'I am curious to know what it is like' to 'I am eager to learn how to' - I think the use of the word eager will convey your enthusiasm to participate better.
And:
'I also want to enhance my leadership skills. In group work, I often desire to take the leadership position, and when I do, I usually know all the content or how things should be done, and on disagreements I am usually willing to compromise or discuss an agreement. Becoming a CIT will allow me to further understand the role of a leader in real life.'
I would adjust this as it sounds a little like you wouldn't be happy unless you were in charge (which makes for bad leaders) - when I look through resumes for applications to work in my office, I immediately reject these purely because we have had too many people that cannot work effectively as a team because they're upset that they're not in charge, or people that are in charge suddenly have it go to their heads and turn into a dictator/know it all that doesn't take criticism or advise.
I realise, however, this was not how you were intending to sound, it's just that leadership skills would be a big part of this role. So I might suggest something more along the lines of 'developing leadership skills, eager to take on new responsibilities, the fact that you work well as part of a team and independently, good problem solving skills and good interpersonal skills and keep your comments about conflict resolution - I like that
Otherwise I think it sounded really good. You obviously have an ongoing interest in the work. Best of luck!
- No idea, without meeting you both. From how you've described it, it sounds like she thinks of you as a very good friend that she has a lot of fun with.
It does sound as though she may be oblivious to your feelings though - nothing you said indicated to me that she's interested back - but that means very little. Nerdy girls can be just as...uncomfortable expressing interest as nerdy guys.
How to I navigate the friend zone, if that's where I am?
- There is no such thing as a 'friend zone'. So I wouldn't worry at all about that.
When it comes to my friends and when we talk about 'who's interested in who' and 'do you think such-and-such would say yes to a date' I have never found that myself or any other girls go 'nah, they're my friend'.
When someone says 'Nah, they're just a friend' they actually mean 'I really like them, but I'm not romantically interested in them'. This is why people think there's a friend zone. It's just a made up confort for why someone doesn't like you back.
I.E. I was good friends with my boyfriend for 2-3 years before we started a romantic relationship.
How do I get over her semi-conservatism? I don't want to force my own beliefs on her.
- Well, in all honesty, you either present your case of why you believe/think the things you do and either she's convinced by your argument - or she's not.
If, it turns out that she is too dedicated to her conservatism for you, then the choice is changing your views because her arguments convinced you it's better, or you're not and chances are you two won't work well together anyway.
HOW THE [redacted] DO YOU KISS IN A SCENE?!
- Generally, closed eyed, open mouthed, heads tilted on a right angle and head movement.
No one normally kisses like this, but it's generally how they do it for videos/movies to get the effect of a passionate kiss.
You might try filming a few different types of kiss to see which one looks better on camera. I think they usually go with the above option because it's easier to get a facial angle, and the slightly larger than normal movement creates an emotional/passionate feeling to the scene.
This is the best thing you could have done. I am shocked people are suggesting you try to date her.
Being female, and in a relationship (although I don't know if my gender really is a contributing factor) but, if I had anyone try to hit on me, while knowing that I was in a relationship, not only would I be annoyed, but probably re-evaluate my respect for said person.
1. People will always whine about something. She's obviously still with the guy for a reason.
2. It's not ok to cut anyone elses lunch, I don't care who they are.
Tend to agree.
And personally, I'll take the sweet caring shy guy in the corner any day over the prick with loads of confidence.
Confidence isn't everything.