MTG Salvation

So Polanski was granted bail and is now on house arrest.

I can only express my rage thusly:

Dearest Newbies,

Now, I don't want this to sound harsh, but I'm afraid it's probably going to. Those who have followed my discussions here on the forums know that I take rather deep umbrage to posters who do not seem to put effort into their posts here. My statements on the matter have been known to come across as severe and this blog entry will likely be no different.

You see, I have this feeling that my nerves will soon be hammered upon by yet another deluge of dimwittedness originating largely from the Rumor Mill. As it happens every few months, the 'Mill swells to the gills with posters eager to leave their mark upon the latest rumor season, and yet the majority of these posters can't post smartly to save their lives. The forum is polluted with ignorance, laziness, repeated 'insights' from posters who didn't bother to check to see if they're repeating what's already been said, baseless speculation and illogical arguments. The past few rumor seasons, in fact, have been so bad as to spark several discussion threads in Speak Your Mind about this very issue.

As is my wont, I've been rather vocal with my concerns about how some are posting in the 'Mill, and it's not always gone over well. I've been accused in the past of being newb-unfriendly and that if I had my way, I'd chase off every new poster who joins up. And that is largely inaccurate. What I'm unfriendly to and strive to chase off is worthless posting. And let's face it newbs - a lot of what you're posting is worthless.

You don't bother to do a forum search before posting a thread that as it turns out has already been posted. You make a point in a thread that's been made several times already but you wouldn't know because you didn't bother to actually read the thread before posting in it. You speculate on something and come across as ignorant because previously-known facts don't support your spec. You form baseless opinions when facts and common sense contradict you. You feel that you're entitled to post your opinions.

And yes, you are.

You're not, however, entitled to make worthless posts and junk up the forums. Many of you do anyway, ignorant to what you're doing. And this has to stop. It will stop. The goal here is to have every member making worthwhile contributions to the forum. The capability is there in every poster to reach that goal but too many are not. You are not being chased off, but you are not being coddled any longer, either. Because you are not a special little snowflake, your opinions are not golden eggs of insight and you are not the great poster that you may think you are.

This website and these forums are the premier unofficial site for Magic. And this community is the single best on the 'net for Magic, bar none. It is time we all start posting to those high standards.


Rallying from the trenches,
{mikeyG}

Dear self,

I can't believe it took you this long to realize: kingcobweb was right all along.

Disappointedly,
yourself

(spoiler alert for all my Supernatural-loving friends)

(seriously, pretty severe spoilers for upcoming villains)

.
.
.
.

Dear Eric Kripke,

I think I'm in love with you. Not just as friends.

You decided to title the second episode of Supernatural's fourth season "Are You There, God? It's Me, Dean Winchester", a title so perfect, I guffawed for a few minutes. Furthemore, it's an episode featuring heavy Dean and Bobby drama? And two of my favorite recurring antagonists of seasons past (Meg and Agent Henrikson)? **** yes.

And then, the kicker. The revelation that we'll soon be seeing examples of the demons' behalo'd counterparts. And it'll be Castiel (clearly representing Cassiel) and Uriel, Castiel the ambivalent watcher of humanity and Uriel the Fire of God who testified on behalf of humanity before God when the nephilim were terrorizing humanity (along with the Fallen Watcher Azazel - woot, real-world connections to canon characters). Only Supernatural's angels aren't into salvation and divine warmth, they've been watching humanity **** up for millennia and they're bitter about it. Rumor has it that Uriel has it in for mankind, and he wants to start with the Winchesters.

That's ****ing Amazing.

I love when shows in this vein dip into the angel mythology well, even moreso when they represent angels with a bit more edge. And Mr. Kripke, I have fallen in love with you for it.

Love and Kisses,
Michael (not the archangel, though)

Dear Fanclub,

I want to thank you all for the amazing comments in my resignation thread (the real one). It makes me feel great that I was able to make an impact for so many of you. I'm honored that I'd be so missed. To you guys, I have a hard time coming up with the words to convey how I feel, so I'll just say one thing:


Thank you and goodnight

Dear Bif Naked,

So you have cancer. That really sucks, especially considering your incredibly healthy lifestyle and young age. Not to mention it's a bit of a kick in the face given the timing proximity to both your recent wedding and Christmas.

As a Canadian 20-something who was a prime age in the mid-90's, I grew up listening to your music. Not exactly awe-inspiring stuff, but you were enjoyable. And your frank, level-headed attitude was a welcome oasis in the hard-living rocker landscape. Despite any and all outward appearances, you appear to be genuine, mature, intelligent, gracious, giving and strong. I've read literally nothing but good things about you as a woman, which makes this recent news of your health all the more unfortunate.

My life has been profoundly affected by cancer. Nine deaths in my family to the disease in little over a decade. A beloved uncle who struggles with a cancerous growth pushing on his spine. Lingering fears of who the next to be diagnosed will be. It's no easy thing. I do believe though, Bif, that you're strong enough to beat this. Without even knowing you I can believe that.

Why? Because if pansies like Kylie Minogue and Sheryl Crow can do it, you sure as hell can.

-Mike

Dear world,

Why do you suck? Seriously. Now I'm not usually one for self-pitying rants about how much my life sucks and oh-woe-is-me, but c'mon. This week has been one kick in the balls after another.

First came the news that because of my mind-numbingly increased hours at work recently (which I'll get to in a few), the National Student Loans Board has decided that I may just make too much (despite only making minimum wage) and that my interest relief may be suspended. This will result in monthly payments of $475 beginning as soon as February. Unfortunate, but I'd manage somehow. Dip into my savings or something.

But then the Unemployment Office sent me a letter stating that for six months back in early 2006 while I was collecting unemployment to supplement my income (since my work was unable to give me more than a shift or two per week and another decent job in my area was a rarity), I had under-claimed my weekly earnings and I now owed them all the money I was overpaid. I explained to them that the reason for my mis-claims was that our gratuities at my job at the time were added to our paycheques so I had no way of knowing exactly what my hourly wage would be including gratuity. So the only way to claim my earnings at all was to estimate what my wage would be including gratuities, and apparently on most weeks I undershot by a dollar or so an hour and that $20 on average I was overpaid each week on my unemployment cheques is now owed back to them. The grand total of all I owe back is around $750.

While all this was going on, an ex-friend of mine (who had slept with the girl I was after while she was living with me leading them to move in together and completely cut me from their lives) created a profile of me on a gay singles website. He used Halloween pictures of me dressed as a cowboy and faked all the information (he said I was an Islamic cowboy who acts wild but secretly just wants to snuggle) and even helpfully included my phone number for registered users to acquire. I only found out when interested parties started calling me and trying to get me to add them on Facebook and MSN. Funny prank? Sure, I'm good natured enough to recognize that. Fun ties for me? Not really.

Add to this that the whole time I'm working ten-hour shifts six days a week with a massive workload. Christmastime, plus understaffing, plus $100,000 in mailed-out coupons equals a nasty time in the restaurant. Hour-long waiting lists to get in, constantly full sections, larger sections that normal, decreased tipping (Christmastime is never that great, but the coupons have lead to $70 meals being paid for by coupons with no tip left behind) and little to no breaks have left me completely worn out. Especially since this is only slightly worse than it's been since July (I've been working six-day weeks since the first week of July). My breaking point in terms of my job is swiftly coming.

And for the final kick to the sack: yesterday I came home from work to find that my SUV had been broken into and everything inside stolen. There wasn't a lot inside ind you, but I'll certainly miss my iPod and my phone charger. Not to mention that the repairs are going to cost me upwards of $500 (the guys had used crowbars to rip apart he metal window casings before busting out the windows) and the cops told me point blank that they will never catch the guys.

So Merry ****ing Christmas Everyone!

Mike

Dear Zygote,

Right now, you're in my best friend's reproductive system, beginning your nine-month existence as a parasite. Which kinda sucks. This isn't really a great time for her or her fiance (ie; the unfortunate souls who created you), what with him laid off until spring and her working at a video store while the two of them pay her parents to rent out her old bedroom at their house. Not to mention her student loans and complete lack of a medical plan.

But the worst this you've done is that you've now ruined all the work your mother put into losing weight. She busted her ass (literally) to lose those twenty pounds and now here you are, getting her to eat ice cream and double Whoppers with cheese and extra pickles and soon my hag will be as flabby as Miss Spears herself. It's a tragedy.

So really, **** you.

I hate you and all you represent,
Uncle Mike

Dear Asshats on the Road,

Yes, we got snow today, about an inch of it. That does not mean the world is ending. You don't need to drive like a bat out of hell, or alternatively, as if the only solution is to practically crawl.

In my quick jaunt to the liquor store this afternoon, I saw three accidents. All caused by douchebags who didn't know how to react to driving on a thin layer of white powder. What the hell is wrong with you people? It's not even winter yet. And this is the ass-end of nowhere, we should be used to winter weather by now.

Gah!

Love, hugs and winter tires,
Mike

Dear Sycophants Loyal Subjects,

On a tad less snarky note, I would like to thank those who may have nominated/voted for me in this year's awards. Despite my feeling that the awards are corrupt and futile, I'd like to think that at least a few of my nominations and votes were from posters who honestly felt I deserved that particular title. And for that I'm honestly and uncharacteristically thankful.

So thank you,
Mike

PS: It would seem that there may be a sight bit of forum drama a-brewin'. Forum drama tickles me, more so when none of the parties involved are sympathetic and none of the outcomes really matter to me. It's all just pointless sniping and antagonism. Beautiful.

Dear MtGSalvation,

Thank you for reminding me why taking this place at all seriously will only lead to a migraine. I'm of course talking about our annual abortion of a Forum Awards where the worst in everyone gets to come out and play. For an event intended to unite us all in the spirit of fun and recognizing those who have put forth commendable contributions to this cauldron of crap-stew we call Salvation, it certainly turns out to be a big circle-jerk of stupidity, pathetic attitudes and even more pathetic whining.

Waaaaay back during our 2005 Awards (so far back in fact, that I can't see to find any of the discussion threads) when I was just a wee little newblet, I held the opinion that the awards are nothing more than a popularity contest (fitting since the awards are voted upon via a popular vote). For better or worse. Should it be based on merit? Absolutely. Does it or will it ever work that way? **** no.

And yet every year we see the same griping. The same voting-bloc antics. The same conspiracy theories. And each year I remember why I can't take people here seriously. I'll forget that lesson again by mid-March just like every year (typically due to a birthday-related binge-fest wherein enough chemicals are pumped into then summarily out of my body to make me forget who I am let alone unimportant crap about this place), but in the meantime I can just laugh. And gloat if and when I win an award. Because everything I just wrote flies out the window once I get a gold trophy under my name.

Love and crossed fingers,
Mike

Dear Vanessa Huggeninsengs (or something),

What's up? So how's life? Yeah, I hear ya. I hate it when my titties are posted all over the internet, too. It's especially embarrassing when you may or may not have been of legal age when said pictures were taken. I'm sure you feel violated and exposed and a bit ashamed and betrayed.

But it'll be okay. Sure, for a while there we all thought Disney was going to drop you like a hot potato, but they didn't. And your boyfriend is far prettier than you and probably likes boys, but your fauxmance is still keeping you in the headlines for reasons other than your nubile vajayjay. And I think they're making even more sequels to that musical you were in.

So buck up. And for chrissakes, put some clothes on.

Best regards,
Mike

Dear Blogosphere,

Yes, I ignored you for the past billiondy months. What can I say, you got old pretty damn quick.

But you're all shiny and new now, so I'm back. Probably only for a week or two or until I'm distracted by something shinier, but whatever. I'm better in small doses anyway.

Much love,
Me

Dear citizens of teh guttar,

*sniff*

I just wanted to take this opportunity to say how much I appreciate you guys for all your hard work. I do not agree with the ecent changes made to your humble forum, but I fear for my safety should I speak out publically outside my blog that only my closest friend ever reads. They may hurt me, or try to shut me up. Or even worse, they might demod me. I shudder to think.

But as a guttar-sympathizer, I will work from within the system to reverse the outlandish judgments passed upon you by the Nazi scum admins. Try not to despair, we my yet make it out of this safe and sound.

In actual seriousness, thank you guys for 'getting it'. So few around here do, myself included occasionally. You guys remind me just how stupid this place is and why I shouldn't care.

,
Mike

Dear George Takei,

I'm not a fan of yours. I've never watched Star Trek and you were boring on Heroes a few weeks back in your bit of stunt casting. And to be honest, I don't really have a clue what else you've done aside from being a pop culture icon.

Until today.

Today, I came upon this piece of beauty. And for this, I might actually like you for a few days. Possibly a week depending on how Hardaway reacts (assuming his agents will let him anywhere near a microphone). Good work.

Love,
Mike