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    posted a message on Marit Lage? (locked until there is any new info, ever)
    Who/what is he/she/it?

    She's pretty much Cthulhu. She even looks like Cthulhu.

    How much importance does he/she/it has in the Ice Age block storyline?

    Not a lot. She was frozen in the Dark Depths. Her worshippers were still around during the Ice Age storyline. That's about it.

    Has it "awakened" at some point in the storyline, or is it still in the Dark Depths?

    Unknown. We haven't see her since Coldsnap, which took place chronologically before the Mirage War (before Magic Legends 1 if you want to get technical about it). I'm betting that no, she hasn't been freed yet. If she had, Dominaria would be dead. Like I said, she's pretty much Cthulhu with boobs.

    A Cthbooblhu, if you will.
    Posted in: Magic Storyline
  • 1

    posted a message on Magic - In a way you've never seen it! or read... about... it...
    Ooh, me next:

    The Mirari Saga:

    Part I - Odyssey
    Kamahl - "Gonna whip some ass!"
    Chainer - "Hi, I'm Chainer. I'll become one of the most popular characters in a long while, but right now I'm just filler."
    Kamahl - "Cool! Gonna smash!"
    Chainer - "Not yet. There are certain rules and regulations we have to go through first ..."
    Pit-Fighters - ::smashing::
    Kamahl - "Smash!"
    Chainer - "Yeah, those are those rules I was talking about. You're a quick learner. Gee, this could really get old if this goes on for more than three books. Anyway, let's see what you can do."
    Kamahl - "Smash!"
    Pit-Fighter - "I'm smashed."
    Kirtar - "I'm a very important character who surely won't die anytime soon."
    Laquatus - "I'm scheming! That's what I do, I'm a schemer!"
    Turg - "Hungry."
    Laquatus - "Go fight."
    Dragon - "ROOOOOOOARER!"
    Turg - "Too hungry to care."
    Laquatus - "Curses!"
    Chainer - "L8er!"
    Kirtar - "Smash!
    Kamahl - "Oh no you didn't! That's my line!" ::chases after Kirtar::
    Kirtar - ::smashes dragon::
    Kamahl - ::smashes dragon::
    Dragon - "Oh noes!" ::falls on top of Kamahl::
    Patriarch - "I'm not actually here, but I'll be retconned into the story in a little while. Anyway, here's this shiny metal ball as a token of saving our city."
    Kirtar - "W00t!" ::leaves::
    Kamahl - "Finally got this dragon off me. Where's Kirtar?! Nobody smashes anything before I do!"
    Chainer - "He left. The Patriarch gave him this shiny ball, too."
    Kamahl - "Well, that's okay, then. Wait, you said it was shiny?"
    Chainer - "None shinier."
    Kamahl - "It must be mine!"
    Laquatus - "Mine, too! But I'll pretend to be everybody's friend and get the ball for myself!"
    Braids - "Does anybody want to tell him that nobody's falling for it?"
    Patriarch - "Not yet, let's just let him have his moment."
    Kirtar - "Yes! My very own shiny ball! Now I can topple to Cabal!"
    Pianna - "That would be a bad idea. As the only rational person in this entire storyline, I'm going to advise that we just destroy that thing."
    Post-Apocalypse Continuity - "Dur, pwetty birdie! Hur hur!"
    Kirtar - "As someone with an IQ in the triple digits, you are far too unreliable for this storyline! Die!"
    Pianna - "Blargh!"
    Order Soldiers - "Oh, no! The boss is dead!"
    Kamahl - "What?"
    Order Soldiers - "Hey, he must have something to do with it! He has a sword!"
    Kamahl - "Crap. SMASH!"
    Order Soldiers - ::are smashed::
    Kirtar - "There you are! Die! What's that?" ::dies::
    Kamahl - "Sweet. Mine now!" ::gets Mirari:: "My own. My precious!"
    Tolkien - ::rolls over::
    Turg - "I'll take that!" ::takes that::
    Kamahl - "Crap!"
    Laquatus - "Sweet! Pays to have minions. Here, take this somewhere."
    Minion - "Dur, okay." ::takes to Aboshan::
    Aboshan - "Yeah, throw it over there. I'm also a character that will be of tremendous importance throughout this entire story."
    Kamahl - "Well, I can't breathe underwater, so I guess I'm out of luck. I'll go do something useful, like fighting."
    Laquatus - "Okay, now where'd it go?"
    Minion - "Gave to squid-king!"
    Laquatus - "Bollocks."
    Braids - "I'm digging! I'm not really much of a digger, and am in fact far too important to the Cabal to be wasting my time digging, but the plot must survive!"
    Laquatus - "Hey, can I have that thing?"
    Aboshan - "No. It's an attack!"
    Kamahl - "Smash!"
    Aboshan - "You aren't here."
    Kamahl - "I don't have to be. I can smash from thousands of miles away."
    Aboshan - "Oh. Well, thanks for that."
    Post-Apocalypse Continuity - "We r teh smart!"
    Aboshan - "I'm tired of getting attacked. Maybe I have something that can make that not happen. Ooh, shiny ball!"
    Laquatus - "Crap."
    Llawan - "Ph34r!"
    Aboshan - "Oh no! Run! Wait, I'm too important to die!"
    Laquatus - ::kills Aboshan:;
    Aboshan - "Guess not."
    Laquatus - "Mine at last."
    Braids - "Hey, I'll save you if you give me that."
    Laquatus - "Man ..."
    Turg - ::dies::
    Kamahl - "What's that? Oh noes! It's a tidal wave!"

    Part II - Chainer's Torment
    Chainer - "Hey look, a shiny ball!"
    Kamahl - "Wait, how did you get it?"
    Chainer - "This is all flashback."
    Kamahl - "Oh. What happened with the tidal wave."
    Chainer - "Wait for it."
    Kamahl - "Right. But how did you get it?"
    Chainer - "Sigh. It's magic."
    Kamahl - "Kamahl SMASH confusing magic!"
    Teroh - "I'm another all-important character. Give me that."
    Chainer - "No!"
    Teroh - "Okay. After him!"
    Chainer - "Runses!"
    Skellum - "I'm one of those characters that's just too awesome to live for an entire book. But I'll save ya."
    Chainer - "Sweet."
    Teroh - "Gonna get you for this."
    Chainer - "Here."
    Patriarch - "Cool. Thnx."
    Chainer - "Now I'm gonna pal around with Kamahl."
    Kamahl - "Happy am I to receive a pal."
    Skellum - "Gonna train ya!"
    Chainer - ::trains:: "I'm such a badass."
    Kamahl - "Okay, I'm gonna go after the shiny thing now."
    Balthor - "Hey, let's fight!"
    Jeska - "Yeah!"
    Chainer - "Okay! Where'd my hand go?"
    Patriarch - "Ah, my plan is going flawlessly! I've given the most powerful artifact the world has ever seen to my enemies! Damn, I'm smart. Better kill Skellum now."
    Skellum - "Crap."
    Chainer - "Oh, that tears it. I'm going on a pilgrimage."
    Kamahl - "I'm back. I'll go too. Wait, what about the tidal wave."
    Post-Apocalypse Continuity - ::busy playing World of Warcraft"
    Chainer - "Guess it wasn't that important. I like snakes."
    Kamahl - "I like smashing."
    Chainer - "Here's a badass monster. What's the Patriarch's hidden name."
    Laquatus - "Dunno. Hang on. Alright, here you go."
    Chainer - "W00t! You are teh exiled!"
    Patriarch - "That's okay. This was all part of my plan."
    Chainer - "...k. I rule everything! Let's go kill that bird guy."
    Teroh - "Blarg!"
    Kamahl - "No man should rule everything."
    Chainer - "I do."
    Kamahl - "Smash!"
    Chainer - ::is smashed::

    Part III - Judgment
    Kamahl - "You know, maybe I shouldn't mess around with this thing anymore. It's far too powerful."
    Gandalf - "You must destroy it in the fires of Mount Doom!"
    Kamahl - "Hells yeah!"
    Balthor - "We gotta get rid of that thing."
    Kamahl - "Where's Mount Doom?"
    Balthor - "In Krosa."
    Kamahl - "W00t!"
    Jeska - "You can't be trusted with that thing."
    Kamahl - "SMASH sister!"
    Jeska - ::is smashed, but barely alive::
    Kamahl - "Oh no! Let's go to Krosa."
    Eesha - "Hi! I'm another incredibly important character that surely won't die."
    Seton - "Sup."
    Kamahl - "Sup, foo."
    Seton - "We gotta get rid of that thing."
    Kamahl - "Word."
    Thriss - "I am an incredibly ancient and wise creature! I will tell you exactly what to do with that thing."
    Kamahl - "k."
    Thriss - "Put it over there."
    Kamahl - "W00t."
    Laquatus - "Get him!"
    Braids - "Yeah, me too!"
    Eesha - "Yay!"
    Balthor - "This sucks."
    Burke - "Grar." ::smashes Balthor::
    Kamahl - "What's that? I detect smashing! I must now smash the smasher."
    Balthor - "Yay, I'm evil now! Gonna get ya!"
    Laquatus - "Eek!"
    Kamahl - "Yes! Let us smash as one!"
    Laquatus - "Wait, I control you now."
    Balthor - "Sucks."
    Kamahl - "Oh, the anguish! I, a pupil of Balthor, must now destroy my own master! Oh, the irony! Oh, the humanity! I am at last growing up as a character! SMASH!"
    Balthor - "Blarg."
    Laquatus - "Now you must face me in single--"
    Kamahl - "SMASH!"
    Laquatus - ::dies:: "Wait, I didn't read that right. I was actually interesting. You can't kill me."
    Post-Apocalypse Continuity - "Dur, pwetty bird."
    Laquatus - "Seriously, what are they going to do for the next three books? Whatever, this is dumb."
    Eesha - "I didn't die! Yay!"

    Part IV - Onslaught
    KING - "I am J. Robert King the Mighty! F*@# continuity! W00t!"
    Seton - "Watching over a helpless woman. Minding my own business."
    Braids - "Stabs!"
    Seton - "Blarg!"
    Kamahl - "What happened?"
    Braids - "Hey, here's Kamahl's sister."
    Patriarch - "Cool. Die!"
    Jeska - "Hey, I'm not dead. I'm just--"
    Phage - "--different."
    Patriarch - "... and hot."
    Phage - "I must use this newfound lease on life as an excuse to smash as my brother never could!"
    Ixidor - "Ooh, us first!"
    Nivea - "Yeah, get some!"
    Phage - "Die!"
    Nivea - ::dies::
    Ixidor - "Oh no! What's a goofy anime-looking guy to do? I will now wander the desert because of ... something."
    Kamahl - "Not enough smashing."
    KING - "I'm getting to that."
    Ixidor - "Wow, I have powers! I'll make my own nation! And a killer angel! And a big castle! But not a plot. Never a plot."
    Akroma - "Whee! Die!"
    Phage - "Oh no!"
    Kamahl - "I'll save you! SMASH!"
    Akroma - ::cut in half:: "OW! Still alive, though."
    Kamahl - "... WHAT?! No one survives my smashings! I swear a blood oath against you!"
    Phage - "Yeah, uh, me too."
    Akroma - "Run!"
    Ixidor - "What happened to you?"
    Akroma - "Got f^&%ed up!"
    Ixidor - "Here's a new body. Hmm, wonder if players would still find you attractive if they knew you were a freaky cat-angel-woman. Who cares?"
    Akroma - "They're coming!"
    Kamahl - "Get some!"
    Ixidor - "Better make some shadow guys. That's what you do when you get attacked. You make shadow guys."
    Phage - "Oh no, I'm going crazy!"
    Deathwurms - "ROAR! We're scary!"
    Kamahl - "SMASH! SMASH! SMASH! They're are too many to SMASH!"
    Jeska - "You have to kill me! It's the only way to stop the continuity clusterf$@% that is to come!"
    Kamahl - "I can't! You're the one person I could never smash!"
    Ixidor - "Oh no!"
    Deathwurm - "Gonna eat ya!" ::eats Ixidor::
    Akroma - "No!"
    Braids - "Yeah, this is just dumb. I'm going home."
    Deathwurm - "Gonna eat ya too!"
    Braids - "H0p!"

    Part V - Legions
    Braids - "Whee! This is fun! Fall!"
    Akroma - "You're mine now!"
    Phage - "I'm back and I'm evil! Evil evil!"
    Patriarch - "And hot."
    Phage - "Yeah, hot too."
    Patriarch - "Bow chicka bow-wow."
    Kamahl - "The world is in a sad state. I must forgo my smashing from here on and turn to a life of druid shamanism. L8er."
    Stonebrow - "I'll take up your cause!"
    Akroma - "No more Ixidor? Let's kill everybody!"
    Braids - "Yeah, me too! I'm with you! This will surely be a turning point in my character's life!"
    Sash - "Boobies!"
    Waistcoat - "Farting!"
    Zagorka - "This sucks. Let's make a new home."
    Stonebrow - "Yeah, Ixidor is overrated. I'm coming too."
    Phage - "I'm preggers!"
    Patriarch - "Yeah, I think I'll kill you now."
    Phage - "Runs! I'll go make a huge coliseum! People haven't had enough pit fighting in the last four books."
    Kamahl - "Still brooding."
    Sash - "Still boobies!"
    Waistcoat - "Still farting!"
    Averru - "Ha! I'm not just a town! I'm an ancient wizard that will return to destroy the world!"
    Akroma - "Look! Ixidor's alive! But I have no feet!"
    Patriarch - "Gonna kill you now."
    Braids - "Not if I kill you first!"
    Patriarch - "Blarg!"
    Phage - "Hey, I wanna hang out with you guys."
    Zagorka - "k."
    Phage - "Baby!"
    Kuberr - "Yes! I'm an ancient wizard that is worshiped as a god, but now I'm a two year old: The target audience for this god-awful storyline!"
    Akroma - "Getting bored. Let's go kill Phage!"
    Phage - "Fight!"
    Akroma - "Fight!"
    Zagorka - "Fall out of a window!"
    Kamahl - "My brooding is over! I must set to right all the wrongs I have created! Because, y'know, that's worked so well in the past. Time to kill! But with what? Ooh! The shiny ball! Once and for all: SMASH!"
    Akroma - "No!"
    Phage - "Ick!"
    Zagorka - "Argh!"
    Sash - "Boobies!"
    Karoma - "I am Karoma. I am magic!"

    Part VI - Scourge
    Karona - "I am Karona. I am magic!"
    Kamahl - "Wait, I thought you were Karoma?"
    Karona - "Typo."
    Kamahl - "Right."
    Editor - "Meh."
    Otarians - "Worship worship worship!"
    Averru - "We have to stop her before she tears continuity a new one!"
    Kamahl - "I'll go get Ixidor."
    Ixidor - "I'm can't go one without my precious Nivea!"
    Kamahl - "SMA--!"
    Ixidor - "Okay, okay! Sorry! Let's go."
    Karona - "Boom! Boom! Kill everything!"
    Sash - "Hey, she's almost as stupid as we are!"
    Waistcoat - "Yeah, we're with you!"
    Braids - "Me too!"
    Karona - "Nah, I just need two flunkies. Die!"
    Braids - "Blarg!"
    KING - "Can I do something different?"
    Post-Apocalypse Continuity - "Yeah, whatever."
    KING - "Sweet."
    Teferi - "Is it safe to come out yet?"
    Karona - "No, and I'm not talking to you right now."
    Teferi - "You're not?"
    Karona - "Nope. This isn't happening."
    Teferi - "... Okay. Tell me when Time Spiral starts."
    Yawgmoth - "I'm alive, *****! Alive! Nothing can stop me!"
    Dommermuth - "Oh crap!"
    Averru - "Let's make her a perfect match, then kill her!"
    Kuberr - "That'd never work. Too stupid."
    Karona - "Yeah, but I'm stupid."
    Kuberr - "Right, sorry. Let's do that then."
    Kamahl - "You r teh exiled!"
    Karona - "No!"
    Serra - "I'm still alive, too!"
    Dommermuth - "Somebody stop him!"
    Karona - "Mercadian Phyrexians! Yawgmoth again!"
    Dommermuth - "KIIIIIING!"
    Kirk - "KAAAAHN!"
    Dominaria - "We're gonna die with no magic!"
    Karn - "I'll save you!"
    Gerrard - "Wait, what about me?"
    Karn - "No, just me."
    Gerrard - "Why do you get to come back?"
    Karn - "Well, I created the Mirari in the first place. It was originally intended to be a probe so I could monitor things happening on Dominaria while I'm off brooding on Mirrodin."
    Gerrard - "Why'd you make a probe that can blow up nations?"
    Karn - "Yeah, I'm new at this. My bad."
    Karona - "I'm back."
    Kamahl - "SMASH!"
    Karona - "Ha! Not even you can smash magic!"
    Kuberr - "Blarg!"
    Ixidor - "Blarg!"
    Averru - "Blarg!"
    Sash/Waistcoat - "Boobies/farting!"
    Karona - "NO! Blarg!"
    Karn - "Jeska, you okay?"
    Jeska - "Yeah. It's a good thing they made me a planeswalker, seeing as how I'm such a fan-favorite."
    Casual Magic Player - "Who?"
    Kamahl - "Yay, let's go get a beer."
    Dommermuth - "Oh bollocks."
    KING - "Tee hee!"
    Posted in: Magic Storyline
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