Applause indeed!
This reminds me of when I first started playing, but my experience was significantly different. I learned to play with my dad and a friend of his. At the time we played 3-player, 100 life games with decks that were less 'decks' and more collections (we're talking about hundreds, if not well over a thousand cards). The games were crazy, long and an epic story if you can imagine it. When each of us owned like 1 Wrath of God in the 800 cards we were playing, it doesn't come up often: but when it did!
Anyway, your article brought back some fond memories of my own. It was a long while before my inclination turned from 'pure fun' to a more competitive craving. The game is still fun for me, but the challenge of the battle is far more of what entertains me now. I'll never go back to the days of playing the way I did back then, but I'll never forget those games either.
The board is clogged with a vast assortment of monsters, all players having many large creatures and feeling a bit stalemated.
The opponent to my right plays Elspeth, Sun's Champion and uses the -3 ability to nuke the board.
I respond by targeting myself with Sudden Spoiling.
Isn't Helm of Possession a better option for theft?
Basilisk Collar for lifelink.
Nim Deathmantle for recursion.
Runechanter's Pike if you're heavily spell based.
Umezawa's Jitte wins games.
Darksteel Plate makes it very difficult to deal with the creature.
Fireshrieker great for comboing with sword of X&Y procs.
Loxodon Warhammer more lifelink and trample and power.
Sword of Vengeance mediocre imo, but playable.
Lashwrithe and Nightmare Lash very playable in a black heavy deck.
Godsend is a new good one.
Batterskull is an old good one.
PS: My wife suggested I should add these:
The Kaldra Set.
As others have commented, CIP/spell-creatures are great sword carriers too:
Duergar Hedge-Mage
Etherium-Horn Sorcerer
Nucklavee
Minotaur Illusionist
Grand Arbiter Augustin IV
Hana, Ship's Navigator
Augury Adept
As for 'good at getting hits in' (in which case you should consider Quietus Spike
Iridescent Angel (expensive)
Daxos of Meletis
Glassdust Hulk
Deep-Sea Kraken
Guile
Sun Quan, Lord of Wu
Higure, the Still Wind
Lu Xun, Scholar General
True-Name Nemesis
Hada Spy Patrol (hit level 3 only after you're done equipping it)
Special Note to:
Spirit en-Dal
Soltari Visionary
Drogskol Reaver (if you're using either of these swords it gets particularly good. Also if you're using Basilisk Collar.
Some of the above are more casual options, if you're truly going for cut-throat fast sword carriers, consider some of the cheaper options of which there are many.
The listed card destroyed all enchantments anyway, so really it only matters how many artifacts you're playing and Token strategies only sometimes truly care a lot about artifacts.
Thelon of Havenwood offers you black, which gives you tutors.
Smoke
Assemble the Legion
Lapse of Certainty
Porphyry Nodes (will never kill Zurgo and unlikely to leave play)
Ajani #1, Ajani #2
Fervent Charge
Legion's Initiative (to protect vs tuck and cheap anthem)
if you're playing Earthquake style board clear, then Repercussion and Pain Magnification
Keldon Twilight
Soul Link
Lightmine Field
Demonic Rising
Equipoise
Invasion Plans
Cataclysm
Restore Balance
Obsidian Battle-Axe
Raiders' Spoils
A few of the above were kind of obvious, but I think I've probably found at least a few gems.
If money is no object, heavy artifact decks can benefit a lot from Mishra's Workshop.
I don't think the opening up walkers as generals would create any obvious issues, but in all honesty I don't really care either way. Certainly, much like those playing Nephalim generals, it would be a worthwhile variant.
So true.
It's particularly fun in Jeskai decks where you can play Izzet and Azorious counterspells to protect it.
You're right that the point system is poorly put together.
A much better solution would be to ban players that break the spirit of their format from the league. No need for nit-picky rules then.
If you want to troll, you don't have a "right" to join other people's games, no matter how many card shops exist in the area.
Red and White are notoriously TERRIBLE with card advantage engines too, so you'll likely want to turn to artifacts and niche answers such as: Land Tax, Candles of Leng, Sword of Fire and Ice, Well of Lost Dreams, Mind's Eye, Memory Jar, Staff of Nin among many others.
Forgive me if you're already playing any of these, I didn't check them all against your list and if it isn't obvious, I wouldn't run *all* of the above cards. Just trying to suggest some ideas.