Lots of great ideas in here! This is what I submitted:
"Choking Vapors" or something... 2B (I hope)
Enchantment
At the beginning of your upkeep, put a blight counter on target non-Swamp land. Blighted lands are Swamps.
When there are no non-Swamp lands on the battlefield, sacrifice ~ and destroy all creatures.
Flavor idea - An expanding bog, muck pit or swamp slowly encroaching on all living things around it (maybe a nearby Forest filled with animals?).
Why not just "Whenever Vessel Vermin dies, put two 1/1 green Insect creature tokens named Vessel Vermin with this ability onto the battlefield at the beginning of the next end step."
That would stop you from going infinite all at once, wouldn't it? Still really useful with sac effects and good for making tons of creatures over time, but I think that would solve a lot of the problems right off the bat.
For whatever reason, I'm going to try and offer my input.
First of all it's not a set, it's a collection of cards. Which is totally fine by the way, just don't package it as a set. Sets are distinct in that you know they are a set - you can tell that they fit together.
Even Time Spiral block (which seems to be your inspiration?) had a cohesiveness to it, almost all of the cards reminded the player of older cards they used to play with (Time Spiral btw is IMO the most disjoint set, and should not really be used as a model, despite my love for it).
So your collection seems to lack a common thread, or theme, but it's not the end of the world. If you really want to package this as a set, take a moment to think about the story that you're trying to tell. Story/flavour always drives mechanics, never the other way around. Then use the cards in your set to tell that story (this is the essence of what MtG is about). I've never read any of the Ravnica books but I can still tell you all about each of the guilds, main characters and even that their unlucky number is 2.
The fact that I know all about Ravnica is a testament to the cards' ability to tell the story. That's what cards in a set try to do. If you really want this collection to be a set, you have to have these cards tell a story when they are together.
If you're perfectly fine just leaving them as an assortment of cards, that's your perrogative. I'll try to offer my insight with respect to that as well.
1) Internal logic:
Even if you don't buy into the idea that cards tell a story (which I gather that you don't), they still have to tell their own individual story, and be internally consistent.
Example:
Overwhelming Attrition
:2mana::symb:
Instant
Deal 2 damage to target creature or player.
Lose 3 life.
Draw a card.
Why does this card do these things? Try to ask yourself that every time you make a card. These three effects have nothing to do with either each other, and little to do with attrition (it's a stretch but I won't judge because I am terrible with card names). This card just feels really jarring and stuck out to me especially because of it's similarity to Orcish Cannonade, which is already a nod to Orcish Artillery.
To me this card is just too disconnected.
Example:
Mage Mark
Enchantment Aura
Flash.
Enchanted creature gets +1+2.
When CARDNAME enters the battlefield you may return enchanted creature to owners hand.
Here's another one I found that is just all over the place, and also poorly templated and (IMO) out-of-color. This card makes no sense to me at all. But leads pretty well into the next point.
2) Respect the color pie:
I suspect that every single person who has ever designed cards at one point or another believed themselves to have complete understanding of the color pie, and thus it was acceptable for them to fiddle with it (myself included). But I've come to realize that color "tweaks" or colorshifts need to be true to the color their shifted to in all cases.
Example:
Shield
:2mana::symg:
Instant
Target creature gets -5-0 until end of turn.
Draw a card. This is out of color entirely. Green hasn't gotten shrink effects like this in a very long time and there's a pretty darn good reason for that - Green doesn't want to shrink things, it wants to do the exact opposite. When it does get an effect like this, it uses mechanics already at its disposal such as Snakeform.
3) Understand Complexity:
Even in an expert level set, complexity at common should always be kept to a minimum. In fact, I'm of the belief that complexity should always be kept to a minimum. Acquaint yourself with which mechanics show up at common, and more importantly which ones don't. Then, figure out why the latter set is absent.
Example:
Druid
Creature Cleric
:symg:: CARDNAME becomes a 2/2 Bird and gains Flying until end of turn.
1/1 There is more than meets the eye. This card has a lot more going on then it seems, and as such will have rules issues more often. For example, what if I pump it and then activate it? Probably seems like an easy answer to you and I, but that question will come up a lot, and for new players it's probably a turn-off if they have to have an intimate knowledge of the rules.
4) Maintain balance:
Commons are going to be doing most of the legwork for any limited event, so balance is important. As a set designer, you control to a large degree how fast the format is. If you want a healthy and fun limited environment, you need to allow faster decks and slower decks to both prosper (again, IMO).
Example:
Reliquary Robot
Artifact Creature Construct
When CARDNAME dies gain two life.
2/2 This is too strong. Didn't black just get it's first ever 2/2 for 2 in Innistrad (with no drawbacks, that is)? I would like to think blue getting that kind of efficiency is still not possible. Not only is this a Runeclaw Bear, but it has a non-negligible benefit. You also have a cycle of colorless 2/2s for 2 with all-upside colored activations.
Example:
Taiga Spider
:1mana::symr::symg:
Creature Spider
Reach
:symrg:: Haste
3/4 This seems too good to me too. It indicates to me that you want a very fast and aggressive limited environment. If that's true, you should have a look at Lorwyn, which was a creature-intensive, fast limited environment that didn't have cards nearly as efficient as this at common. This card could be bumped up by 1 easily and still be highly playable. There were loads more cards in your collection that just seemed to indicate to me that you're interested in creating a bunch of good cards rather than a cohesive set.
5) Appreciate vanilla creatures:
I've noticed that you don't have a single vanilla creature in your entire collection of commons. I'm staunchly in the pro-vanilla creature camp. They are immensely useful in limited environments, and they are a great canvas for world-building flavour text. Try not to think of vanilla (or french vanilla) creatures as boring and lame, they are a valuable tool in set design.
Last Example:
Alectryomancer
:1mana::symw::symrb:
Creature Archer Monk
When CARDNAME enters the battlefield put two 1/1 white Birds with Flying on to the battlefield.
Reach
2/1 What? This guy for some reason jumps out to me as emblematic of the issues mentioned above. I have no idea what an Alectryomancer is, or why he is an Archer Monk instead of a Wizard (like the name suggests), or why an Archer would create Birds, or why you would have Reach in any of these colors (a cast could be made for White, I suppose), or why he's creating 4 power and 3 bodies for 3 mana at common.
Alright, I know that was really long and rambling. I hope I didn't come off too condescending, just trying to pay forward all the good advice I've gotten from this forum over the years. Hopefully you'll see the criticism as constructive.
I would up the cost by 1 and the starting loyalty by one just because at five it seems a little... maybe too good. Definitely add the "may" wording for second and third abilities.
In fact, I would redo the third ability to read:
-8: Reveal your hand. You may put any number of creature cards revealed this way onto the battlefield.
I'm probably one of the few who are fine with land tokens (they are printing tokens nowadays so it wouldn't be that hard to get ahold of them). That said, each color should still only be getting a couple of different types of tokens in a given block, no matter what type they are.
As far as OPs template, I would suggest amending it as such:
"Whenever ~ would die, put a terra counter on it instead.
As long as Pastoral Terranid has a terra counter on it, it is a colorless Plains land with "T: Add W to your mana pool." (It's no longer a creature.)"
A little bit longer, but the counter definitely helps with memory issues. (Although you could probably come up with a better counter type)
I recall an Alara limited match where my opponent had lethal on the board (two big dudes) and all I had were a couple of tiny evasive dudes. He was so afraid of getting hit by a cycled Resounding Silence (that he saw in game one I guess) that he kept only attacking with one dude at a time, which allowed me a couple turns of chump blocking before whittling him away with a Jhessian Infiltrator.
I'd like to first start out by saying that I loved the Deadlands idea, and I even really liked Showdown.
I really like the idea for Bounty, and I think I actually prefer the weird Suspend/Haunt version. Maybe I'm a bit naive about the rules, but it seems easy enough to do, and I don't personally recall ever having memory issues with Haunt.
If the number of cards with Bounty is kept fairly small, I don't really see a problem with it.
It should be noted that I would definitely draft a card like Najash Bounty 1.0, but I wouldn't even give Najash Bounty 2.0 or 3.0 a second look. I'm sure some of that has to do with the costing, but I think it is mostly about the flexibility of being able to hard cast it. Couple that with most players general distaste for Auras (especially Auras which rely on your opponent) and I think the second and third versions would ber received much worse.
Sorry if all that was incoherent, just trying to help. Good luck designing! Hope to see more.
I know 'Walkers are pretty hard to evaluate, but I'm hoping everyone can give me a little feedback on these five. They are intended to be suitable for a custom Core Set that I'm working on (if that matters at all).
Celia Devine3WW
Planeswalker - Celia (Mythic) +1: You may put an Aura card from your hand onto the battlefield attached to a permanent it could enchant. -1: Search your library for an enchantment card, reveal it and put it into your hand. Shuffle your library afterwards. -6: Any number of target enchantments lose all abilities and become 4/4 Angel creatures with flying and vigilance. [5]
Sof the Inquisitive2UU
Planeswalker - Sof (Mythic) +1: Reveal the top three cards of your library. You may put an instant or sorcery card revealed this way into your hand. Put the rest on the bottom of your library in a random order. -1: The next time you cast an instant or sorcery spell, put X 1/1 blue Weird creature tokens onto the battlefield, where X is that spell's converted mana cost. -7: Shuffle your library and exile the top seven cards. Until end of turn, you may cast spells exiled this way without paying their mana costs. [3]
Darsul, the Nightlord3BB
Planeswalker - Darsul (Mythic) 0: Until end of turn, whenever a creature you control deals damage, put a loyalty counter on Darsul. -3: Put three 1/1 black Bat creature tokens with flying onto the battlefield. -5: You gain an emblem with "Bat creatures and vampire creatures you control get +2/+2." [4]
Malse Luminous3RR
Planeswalker - Malse (Mythic) +1: Put two 1/1 red Goblin tokens onto the battlefield. -2: Until the beginning of your next turn, creatures you control have "T: This creature deals 1 damage to target creature or player." -5: Sacrifice all creatures you control. Malse deals damage to each opponent equal to the total power of creatures sacrificed this way. [3]
Erlena Fraywood2GG
Planeswalker - Erlena (Mythic) +2: You may put a land card from your hand onto the battlefield. -1: Target land you control becomes a 4/4 Elemental creature in addition to its other types. -6: You gain an emblem with "Whenever a land enters the battlefield under your control, destroy target noncreature permanent." [3]
Wording help is much appreciated, power level notes would be nice, though I tried to keep them somewhat underpowered (I think!). Thanks in advance.
This card specifically:
1) Dodges removal all day long
2) Gives you some countermagic mana in a pinch
3) Can ramp to six mana on turn four
4) Builds up storm count X times, where X is the amount of blue mana you have
5) Triggers things like Soul Warden X times, where again X is the amount of blue mana you have.
There's probably more, but that seems like a sufficient list. There is a very good reason Grinning Ignus only lets you use the ability as a sorcery, as it solves the first two problems nicely. I'm not really a big fan of fast mana in blue or white, or black really.
I say scrap it as a keyword. Perhaps keep a couple guys around with the sorcery-only ability in red, and stick to Offering. I like Offering and feel like it has a decent amount of design space.
Despite the general feeling that Cumulative upkeep is a terrible drawback, I feel that a couple of these are slightly overpowered.
Rising Glory - I can't help but feel it would be neater if you dropped the cost to 1W and changed the Cumulative Upkeep cost to W.
Ravenous Dead - 3/3s for 1B seem a tad high on the curve. Problem is that adding 1 to the cost or changing the upkeep to 2 life makes him pretty darn bad. Maybe if he just gave +1/+0 for each age counter?
Hellkite Assault is probably fine, but I would change the cost to 4RRR if I were designing it (but only because I tend to err on the side of caution).
Redwood Sage seems pretty darn powerful. I'd say the cost has to go up by 1 right off the bat. Even then it still seems pretty powerful, but that's at least a start.
Refined Selection is cute. I would try to play it in a control deck.
"Choking Vapors" or something... 2B (I hope)
Enchantment
At the beginning of your upkeep, put a blight counter on target non-Swamp land. Blighted lands are Swamps.
When there are no non-Swamp lands on the battlefield, sacrifice ~ and destroy all creatures.
Flavor idea - An expanding bog, muck pit or swamp slowly encroaching on all living things around it (maybe a nearby Forest filled with animals?).
That would stop you from going infinite all at once, wouldn't it? Still really useful with sac effects and good for making tons of creatures over time, but I think that would solve a lot of the problems right off the bat.
Just my two cents. =)
But if they were to Mindslaver you, then play your Leyline of Sanctity for whatever reason, then they COULD target you with your own Lightning Bolt.
Thank you!
First of all it's not a set, it's a collection of cards. Which is totally fine by the way, just don't package it as a set. Sets are distinct in that you know they are a set - you can tell that they fit together.
Even Time Spiral block (which seems to be your inspiration?) had a cohesiveness to it, almost all of the cards reminded the player of older cards they used to play with (Time Spiral btw is IMO the most disjoint set, and should not really be used as a model, despite my love for it).
So your collection seems to lack a common thread, or theme, but it's not the end of the world. If you really want to package this as a set, take a moment to think about the story that you're trying to tell. Story/flavour always drives mechanics, never the other way around. Then use the cards in your set to tell that story (this is the essence of what MtG is about). I've never read any of the Ravnica books but I can still tell you all about each of the guilds, main characters and even that their unlucky number is 2.
The fact that I know all about Ravnica is a testament to the cards' ability to tell the story. That's what cards in a set try to do. If you really want this collection to be a set, you have to have these cards tell a story when they are together.
If you're perfectly fine just leaving them as an assortment of cards, that's your perrogative. I'll try to offer my insight with respect to that as well.
1) Internal logic:
Even if you don't buy into the idea that cards tell a story (which I gather that you don't), they still have to tell their own individual story, and be internally consistent.
Example:
Overwhelming Attrition
:2mana::symb:
Instant
Deal 2 damage to target creature or player.
Lose 3 life.
Draw a card.
Why does this card do these things? Try to ask yourself that every time you make a card. These three effects have nothing to do with either each other, and little to do with attrition (it's a stretch but I won't judge because I am terrible with card names). This card just feels really jarring and stuck out to me especially because of it's similarity to Orcish Cannonade, which is already a nod to Orcish Artillery.
To me this card is just too disconnected.
Example:
Mage Mark
Enchantment Aura
Flash.
Enchanted creature gets +1+2.
When CARDNAME enters the battlefield you may return enchanted creature to owners hand.
Here's another one I found that is just all over the place, and also poorly templated and (IMO) out-of-color. This card makes no sense to me at all. But leads pretty well into the next point.
2) Respect the color pie:
I suspect that every single person who has ever designed cards at one point or another believed themselves to have complete understanding of the color pie, and thus it was acceptable for them to fiddle with it (myself included). But I've come to realize that color "tweaks" or colorshifts need to be true to the color their shifted to in all cases.
Example:
Shield
:2mana::symg:
Instant
Target creature gets -5-0 until end of turn.
Draw a card.
This is out of color entirely. Green hasn't gotten shrink effects like this in a very long time and there's a pretty darn good reason for that - Green doesn't want to shrink things, it wants to do the exact opposite. When it does get an effect like this, it uses mechanics already at its disposal such as Snakeform.
3) Understand Complexity:
Even in an expert level set, complexity at common should always be kept to a minimum. In fact, I'm of the belief that complexity should always be kept to a minimum. Acquaint yourself with which mechanics show up at common, and more importantly which ones don't. Then, figure out why the latter set is absent.
Example:
Druid
Creature Cleric
:symg:: CARDNAME becomes a 2/2 Bird and gains Flying until end of turn.
1/1
There is more than meets the eye. This card has a lot more going on then it seems, and as such will have rules issues more often. For example, what if I pump it and then activate it? Probably seems like an easy answer to you and I, but that question will come up a lot, and for new players it's probably a turn-off if they have to have an intimate knowledge of the rules.
4) Maintain balance:
Commons are going to be doing most of the legwork for any limited event, so balance is important. As a set designer, you control to a large degree how fast the format is. If you want a healthy and fun limited environment, you need to allow faster decks and slower decks to both prosper (again, IMO).
Example:
Reliquary Robot
Artifact Creature Construct
When CARDNAME dies gain two life.
2/2
This is too strong. Didn't black just get it's first ever 2/2 for 2 in Innistrad (with no drawbacks, that is)? I would like to think blue getting that kind of efficiency is still not possible. Not only is this a Runeclaw Bear, but it has a non-negligible benefit. You also have a cycle of colorless 2/2s for 2 with all-upside colored activations.
Example:
Taiga Spider
:1mana::symr::symg:
Creature Spider
Reach
:symrg:: Haste
3/4
This seems too good to me too. It indicates to me that you want a very fast and aggressive limited environment. If that's true, you should have a look at Lorwyn, which was a creature-intensive, fast limited environment that didn't have cards nearly as efficient as this at common. This card could be bumped up by 1 easily and still be highly playable. There were loads more cards in your collection that just seemed to indicate to me that you're interested in creating a bunch of good cards rather than a cohesive set.
5) Appreciate vanilla creatures:
I've noticed that you don't have a single vanilla creature in your entire collection of commons. I'm staunchly in the pro-vanilla creature camp. They are immensely useful in limited environments, and they are a great canvas for world-building flavour text. Try not to think of vanilla (or french vanilla) creatures as boring and lame, they are a valuable tool in set design.
Last Example:
Alectryomancer
:1mana::symw::symrb:
Creature Archer Monk
When CARDNAME enters the battlefield put two 1/1 white Birds with Flying on to the battlefield.
Reach
2/1
What? This guy for some reason jumps out to me as emblematic of the issues mentioned above. I have no idea what an Alectryomancer is, or why he is an Archer Monk instead of a Wizard (like the name suggests), or why an Archer would create Birds, or why you would have Reach in any of these colors (a cast could be made for White, I suppose), or why he's creating 4 power and 3 bodies for 3 mana at common.
Alright, I know that was really long and rambling. I hope I didn't come off too condescending, just trying to pay forward all the good advice I've gotten from this forum over the years. Hopefully you'll see the criticism as constructive.
Best of luck.
In fact, I would redo the third ability to read:
-8: Reveal your hand. You may put any number of creature cards revealed this way onto the battlefield.
As far as OPs template, I would suggest amending it as such:
"Whenever ~ would die, put a terra counter on it instead.
As long as Pastoral Terranid has a terra counter on it, it is a colorless Plains land with "T: Add W to your mana pool." (It's no longer a creature.)"
A little bit longer, but the counter definitely helps with memory issues. (Although you could probably come up with a better counter type)
I recall an Alara limited match where my opponent had lethal on the board (two big dudes) and all I had were a couple of tiny evasive dudes. He was so afraid of getting hit by a cycled Resounding Silence (that he saw in game one I guess) that he kept only attacking with one dude at a time, which allowed me a couple turns of chump blocking before whittling him away with a Jhessian Infiltrator.
I really like the idea for Bounty, and I think I actually prefer the weird Suspend/Haunt version. Maybe I'm a bit naive about the rules, but it seems easy enough to do, and I don't personally recall ever having memory issues with Haunt.
If the number of cards with Bounty is kept fairly small, I don't really see a problem with it.
It should be noted that I would definitely draft a card like Najash Bounty 1.0, but I wouldn't even give Najash Bounty 2.0 or 3.0 a second look. I'm sure some of that has to do with the costing, but I think it is mostly about the flexibility of being able to hard cast it. Couple that with most players general distaste for Auras (especially Auras which rely on your opponent) and I think the second and third versions would ber received much worse.
Sorry if all that was incoherent, just trying to help. Good luck designing! Hope to see more.
Celia Devine 3WW
Planeswalker - Celia (Mythic)
+1: You may put an Aura card from your hand onto the battlefield attached to a permanent it could enchant.
-1: Search your library for an enchantment card, reveal it and put it into your hand. Shuffle your library afterwards.
-6: Any number of target enchantments lose all abilities and become 4/4 Angel creatures with flying and vigilance.
[5]
Sof the Inquisitive 2UU
Planeswalker - Sof (Mythic)
+1: Reveal the top three cards of your library. You may put an instant or sorcery card revealed this way into your hand. Put the rest on the bottom of your library in a random order.
-1: The next time you cast an instant or sorcery spell, put X 1/1 blue Weird creature tokens onto the battlefield, where X is that spell's converted mana cost.
-7: Shuffle your library and exile the top seven cards. Until end of turn, you may cast spells exiled this way without paying their mana costs.
[3]
Darsul, the Nightlord 3BB
Planeswalker - Darsul (Mythic)
0: Until end of turn, whenever a creature you control deals damage, put a loyalty counter on Darsul.
-3: Put three 1/1 black Bat creature tokens with flying onto the battlefield.
-5: You gain an emblem with "Bat creatures and vampire creatures you control get +2/+2."
[4]
Malse Luminous 3RR
Planeswalker - Malse (Mythic)
+1: Put two 1/1 red Goblin tokens onto the battlefield.
-2: Until the beginning of your next turn, creatures you control have "T: This creature deals 1 damage to target creature or player."
-5: Sacrifice all creatures you control. Malse deals damage to each opponent equal to the total power of creatures sacrificed this way.
[3]
Erlena Fraywood 2GG
Planeswalker - Erlena (Mythic)
+2: You may put a land card from your hand onto the battlefield.
-1: Target land you control becomes a 4/4 Elemental creature in addition to its other types.
-6: You gain an emblem with "Whenever a land enters the battlefield under your control, destroy target noncreature permanent."
[3]
Wording help is much appreciated, power level notes would be nice, though I tried to keep them somewhat underpowered (I think!). Thanks in advance.
This card specifically:
1) Dodges removal all day long
2) Gives you some countermagic mana in a pinch
3) Can ramp to six mana on turn four
4) Builds up storm count X times, where X is the amount of blue mana you have
5) Triggers things like Soul Warden X times, where again X is the amount of blue mana you have.
There's probably more, but that seems like a sufficient list. There is a very good reason Grinning Ignus only lets you use the ability as a sorcery, as it solves the first two problems nicely. I'm not really a big fan of fast mana in blue or white, or black really.
I say scrap it as a keyword. Perhaps keep a couple guys around with the sorcery-only ability in red, and stick to Offering. I like Offering and feel like it has a decent amount of design space.
Hope I wasn't too harsh.
Rising Glory - I can't help but feel it would be neater if you dropped the cost to 1W and changed the Cumulative Upkeep cost to W.
Ravenous Dead - 3/3s for 1B seem a tad high on the curve. Problem is that adding 1 to the cost or changing the upkeep to 2 life makes him pretty darn bad. Maybe if he just gave +1/+0 for each age counter?
Hellkite Assault is probably fine, but I would change the cost to 4RRR if I were designing it (but only because I tend to err on the side of caution).
Redwood Sage seems pretty darn powerful. I'd say the cost has to go up by 1 right off the bat. Even then it still seems pretty powerful, but that's at least a start.
Refined Selection is cute. I would try to play it in a control deck.