Okay, so I haven't finished looking through things yet ... and a bunch of the mistakes I found are totally trivial! For those mistakes, I just suggested corrections that will make the cards look more like something Wizards would publish, without affecting what the card does. Some of the mistakes are more significant and probably need to be fixed to improve clarity.
Anyway, don't let my pickiness offend you! I really enjoyed looking at these ideas. Here's my (incomplete) list of corrections!
[edit: I've added some more cards that I read to the list. -- 04-05-2012, 5:14 PM]
[edit: I've looked over all the creature cards! -- 05-05-2012, 12:57 AM]
Clefable -- "…If you do, you may exile a non-creature card [from which zone(s)?]…"
Mew -- "… have flash and Enchant Mew." (capitalize Enchant to avoid confusion)
Krabby -- "… with a +1/+1 counter [on it]."
Kingler -- "[Kingler] does not untap…"
Seaking -- missing a period.
Cubone -- "…with a bone counter [on it]."
Marowak -- "…with a bone counter [on it]…"
Jynx -- Another possible wording? "Target creature attacks this turn if able. Its activated abilities cannot be activated for as long as Jynx remains tapped." (Otherwise the second part of this ability would occur upon targetting, ie. before the ability resolves. This would lead to a weird interaction with, say, Dratini's countering ability, where the 2nd part of Jynx's ability would resolve even if its activated ability is countered.)
Vulpix -- "…[Deal] 1 damage…"
Electabuzz -- "…to a player, [put that many charge counters on Electabuzz]." Also, the static ability text is too confusing; I'm not sure what it's supposed to do. Also, the card name is misspelled "Electibuzz" throughout the card text.
Magmar -- It sounds like the emblems would stack if Magmar dealt damage to a player twice. Is that okay?
Ivysaur -- "[Deal] X damage…"
Venusaur -- "Put a 0/1 green Plant [creature] token…"
Victreebel -- 2nd ability doesn't needa comma.
Exeggcute -- has awesome art!
Exeggcutor -- "…counters [on it]." Also, for 2nd ability, "…counter [on it]."
Seel -- "… +1/+1 [as long as] you control…"
Lapras -- "…is attacking [and] is unblocked…" I think a better wording for Lapras' ability would be "Search your library for a land card and exile it. If you exile an Island card this way, put a creature card with converted mana cost X from your hand into play tapped and attacking. Use this ability only if Lapras is attacking and is unblocked."
Dratini -- "…[your] library."
Psyduck -- write "one" instead of "1". Also, the ability is missing a period. Also, typically magic cards refer to winning/losing a coin flip instead of heads/tails.
Poliwrath -- "…hand. You choose [a card from it]." Also, "…library for [a card and exile it]."
Abra -- "… for [a] card…"
Golem -- "[Deal] 1 damage …" Also, display the EOB trigger text before the activated ability text.
Diglett -- "When Diglett is [turned face-up]…"
Dugtrio -- "… for a land [card] and exile it … [deal] 3 damage…"
Mankey -- "Mankey [can't] block."
Primeape -- "Primeape [can't] block."
Machoke -- "…is [turned] face-up…"
Butterfree -- "…his or [her] next…" Also "basic" doesn't need to be capitalized
Raticate -- "…a player [dealt damage] by…"
Chansey -- the word "any" isn't necessary
Kakuna -- Should this read "When [Kakuna] dies…" instead of "When Metapod dies…"?
Arbok -- "Gains" needn't be capitalized.
Gloom -- write "…[target] opponent controls." or "…your [opponents control]" instead.
Vileplume -- write "…[target] opponent controls." or "…your [opponents control]" instead.
Meowth -- "If [it's] a creature card…"
Gastly -- "…counter on [it] at end of turn." Also, a better phrasing for the next ability: "…battlefield, [if it had any -1/-1 counters on it, put that many -1/-1 counters on target creature]."
Haunter -- "…from Haunter [onto] target creature."
Pikachu -- "…would [become untapped]…" Also, I think it's worth pointing out that if an aura granting an "untap"-cost ability is made, attaching it to Pikachu would form an instant speed infinite damage combo, which might be bad for the format. Just something to keep in mind!
Magnemite -- "…search your [library] for an artifact [card]…If [an equipment card is exiled] this way…"
Magneton -- "Whenever [Magneton becomes equipped], it deals…" This restricts Magneton's second ability slightly, but it clarifies which card (the equipment or Magneton) is the damage source (in case of, say, preventing damage dealt by a creature).
Electrode -- "…the number of charge counters [removed from] Electrode."
Jolteon -- "…counters [on it]." Also, "…damage to target [creature blocking or blocked by Jolteon or target player]."
Zapdos -- "…not [dealt damage] by…"
Tentacruel -- capitalize Island.
Slowpoke -- "[Clam cards] in your…that [card's] converted…"
Farfetch'd -- "…has no +1/+1 [counters on it], put…"
Staryu -- "Search your [library]…"
Ditto -- "…creature [for] as long as…"
Sandslash -- "…where X is [it's] power."
Rhyhorn -- "Rhyhorn attacks [each turn] if able."
Rhydon -- "…search your [library] for…"
Moltres -- "…dealt to Moltres [this turn?]. For [each damage] prevented this way, deal 1…" Also, remove the typo "prot".
…for these cards, instead of writing "If you exile a [mountain] this way…", write "If you exile a [Mountain card] this way…", capitalized to refer to the Mountain subtype, and because when cards aren't in play they are referred to with the "card" suffix.
Also, none of the cards that allow a player to search their library specify that the player must shuffle their library afterwards.
...Finally, I have to ask -- Why do Slowpoke and Slowbro give their enemies first strike if they also prevent all damage dealt to them?
I'm really excited by your project! I liked pokemon cards as a kid but those rules are too simplistic and devoid of strategy, I think. ... Also I'm more familiar with magic.
Anyway, I've been idly reading through the creature cards, and they're full of cool ideas. But I've noticed a bunch of errors and awkward phrases that make some cards difficult to interpret (for example, in Clefable's ability).
Do you want me to compile a list of problems for you?
Okay, so I haven't finished looking through things yet... and a bunch of the mistakes I found are totally trivial! For those mistakes, I just suggested corrections that will make the cards look more like something Wizards would publish, without affecting what the card does. Some of the mistakes are more significant and probably need to be fixed to improve clarity.Anyway, don't let my pickiness offend you! I really enjoyed looking at these ideas.
incomplete) list of corrections![edit: I've added some more cards that I read to the list. -- 04-05-2012, 5:14 PM]
[edit: I've looked over all the creature cards! -- 05-05-2012, 12:57 AM]
Mew -- "… have flash and Enchant Mew." (capitalize Enchant to avoid confusion)
Krabby -- "… with a +1/+1 counter [on it]."
Kingler -- "[Kingler] does not untap…"
Seaking -- missing a period.
Cubone -- "…with a bone counter [on it]."
Marowak -- "…with a bone counter [on it]…"
Jynx -- Another possible wording? "Target creature attacks this turn if able. Its activated abilities cannot be activated for as long as Jynx remains tapped." (Otherwise the second part of this ability would occur upon targetting, ie. before the ability resolves. This would lead to a weird interaction with, say, Dratini's countering ability, where the 2nd part of Jynx's ability would resolve even if its activated ability is countered.)
Vulpix -- "…[Deal] 1 damage…"
Electabuzz -- "…to a player, [put that many charge counters on Electabuzz]." Also, the static ability text is too confusing; I'm not sure what it's supposed to do. Also, the card name is misspelled "Electibuzz" throughout the card text.
Magmar -- It sounds like the emblems would stack if Magmar dealt damage to a player twice. Is that okay?
Ivysaur -- "[Deal] X damage…"
Venusaur -- "Put a 0/1 green Plant [creature] token…"
Victreebel -- 2nd ability doesn't needa comma.
Exeggcute -- has awesome art!
Exeggcutor -- "…counters [on it]." Also, for 2nd ability, "…counter [on it]."
Seel -- "… +1/+1 [as long as] you control…"
Lapras -- "…is attacking [and] is unblocked…" I think a better wording for Lapras' ability would be "Search your library for a land card and exile it. If you exile an Island card this way, put a creature card with converted mana cost X from your hand into play tapped and attacking. Use this ability only if Lapras is attacking and is unblocked."
Dratini -- "…[your] library."
Psyduck -- write "one" instead of "1". Also, the ability is missing a period. Also, typically magic cards refer to winning/losing a coin flip instead of heads/tails.
Poliwrath -- "…hand. You choose [a card from it]." Also, "…library for [a card and exile it]."
Abra -- "… for [a] card…"
Golem -- "[Deal] 1 damage …" Also, display the EOB trigger text before the activated ability text.
Diglett -- "When Diglett is [turned face-up]…"
Dugtrio -- "… for a land [card] and exile it … [deal] 3 damage…"
Mankey -- "Mankey [can't] block."
Primeape -- "Primeape [can't] block."
Machoke -- "…is [turned] face-up…"
Butterfree -- "…his or [her] next…" Also "basic" doesn't need to be capitalized
Raticate -- "…a player [dealt damage] by…"
Chansey -- the word "any" isn't necessary
Kakuna -- Should this read "When [Kakuna] dies…" instead of "When Metapod dies…"?
Arbok -- "Gains" needn't be capitalized.
Gloom -- write "…[target] opponent controls." or "…your [opponents control]" instead.
Vileplume -- write "…[target] opponent controls." or "…your [opponents control]" instead.
Meowth -- "If [it's] a creature card…"
Gastly -- "…counter on [it] at end of turn." Also, a better phrasing for the next ability: "…battlefield, [if it had any -1/-1 counters on it, put that many -1/-1 counters on target creature]."
Haunter -- "…from Haunter [onto] target creature."
Pikachu -- "…would [become untapped]…" Also, I think it's worth pointing out that if an aura granting an "untap"-cost ability is made, attaching it to Pikachu would form an instant speed infinite damage combo, which might be bad for the format. Just something to keep in mind!
Magnemite -- "…search your [library] for an artifact [card]…If [an equipment card is exiled] this way…"
Magneton -- "Whenever [Magneton becomes equipped], it deals…" This restricts Magneton's second ability slightly, but it clarifies which card (the equipment or Magneton) is the damage source (in case of, say, preventing damage dealt by a creature).
Electrode -- "…the number of charge counters [removed from] Electrode."
Jolteon -- "…counters [on it]." Also, "…damage to target [creature blocking or blocked by Jolteon or target player]."
Zapdos -- "…not [dealt damage] by…"
Tentacruel -- capitalize Island.
Slowpoke -- "[Clam cards] in your…that [card's] converted…"
Farfetch'd -- "…has no +1/+1 [counters on it], put…"
Staryu -- "Search your [library]…"
Ditto -- "…creature [for] as long as…"
Sandslash -- "…where X is [it's] power."
Rhyhorn -- "Rhyhorn attacks [each turn] if able."
Rhydon -- "…search your [library] for…"
Moltres -- "…dealt to Moltres [this turn?]. For [each damage] prevented this way, deal 1…" Also, remove the typo "prot".
Cards which search for a land card:
Horsea
Magikarp
Growlithe
Electabuzz
Venonat
Lapras
Golem
Machoke
Onix
Pinsir
Staryu
Also, none of the cards that allow a player to search their library specify that the player must shuffle their library afterwards.
...Finally, I have to ask -- Why do Slowpoke and Slowbro give their enemies first strike if they also prevent all damage dealt to them?
Anyway, I've been idly reading through the creature cards, and they're full of cool ideas. But I've noticed a bunch of errors and awkward phrases that make some cards difficult to interpret (for example, in Clefable's ability).
Do you want me to compile a list of problems for you?