I found that any of my other decks tend to beat the crap out of newer players, even if they're not that tuned just because I got a lot more game experience and deck building understanding. I've created a deck that has intentional poor mana base, curve and filled it to the brim with Legends. All it does is play Haymakers all day. I get to play with stupid cards, newbies get a chance to win and if left alone the deck will churn out absurd, obnoxious fatties all day - giving me a shot at winning even against good players with good decks.
I consider this deck a colossal failure, of the three games I've played with it I won two. This garbage fire is supposed to lose! But I guess I overestimate some of the people I face. In the end, it still just takes 3 Hydra swings to end anybody and there is very little they can do about that. What's strange is other people asked if I had other noncompetitive decks to play against newbies. Made me realize maybe I should make another 'bad deck'. I don't want this responsibility.
Bouncelands were a pain, so I switched them all for the Trilands. Night-Eyes never had someone to Ninjitsu with, so I replaced her with a Creature that draws me cards because I found that was a problem. See the Unwritten was wildly inconsistent, so I added another option to actually cheat my Creatures into play. Lastly, Ophidian was too confusing for players - many literally had never seen the card. While it was fun saying that 'yeah, this ***** used to be high tier', it's block of text to essentially draw a card was not worth the effort. So I grabbed the next least offensive 'Ophidian Effect' I could find.
Signets got blown up but were mostly boring. If this deck is going to be bad, it should use bad ramp but something that is more resilience - hence all of these Creatures that ETB to land fetch basics into play. The other change is noting how lacklustre Keiga was. I added the Valkyrie because it'll let me grab so many random cratures but mostly because I'm thinking of adding a Vigilance theme to the deck. I noticed with a bunch of my powerful creatures deterred attacks due to having Vigilance, though being keyword soup like Akroma, Angel of Wrath might be a good reason why. Either way, it lets me go on the offensive while staying defensive. So, perhaps I'll keep adding in these ramp creatures to start putting in better creatures.
The first few turns are misspent with ETBT Lands and then ramping. The general idea is now to have as many bodies that bring Lands with them so that the deck can ramp into the cool late game stuff. The problem is trying to not do so too consistently but still play with cards I like to play with. I might need to go to Group Hug to do so, testing out K&T to see if that's the case.
Maze's End provides more bad ramp for the deck, but also gives a win condition if it goes to an absolute grindfest. Thar, Legacy Weapon, Void and the Captain add more to the journey of Timmyness. The goal here is to have only cheat-into-play or ramp creatures under 5 CMC, 5 CMC be utility Creatures and then drop bombs all day.
Cutting the small stuff for more Timminess. I'm adding more Vigilance Creatures because I've found that it's solid defense plus Teysa and Meglonoth is some good inevitability; Granger for Ramp and Tariel is evasion plus stealing.
Adding to the Vigilance subtheme, Chromanticore Bestows that upon a Creature plus so much more. As much fun Clones are, I decided to get rid of my last Clone because I feel like anything 4 CMC or under should be ramping. But of course, this terrible ramp, not real ramp.
Rites theoretically will draw me more cards than Night's Whisper and I do like Land Drops. The thing is, if this is my own most Casual deck I'm playing against people who don't know how to play Magic very well. They don't run acceleration or draw, so this helps them get there too. Much more fair.
So I was explaining the deck to someone and they laughed, then I said it's just 'big guys and wraths, no spot removal'. He went through my deck and pointed out that Acidic Slime is spot removal. Realizing it would be another funny theme, I decided to cut Acidic Slime and realized that there is indeed a Vigilant Creature that also can act as a 5 drop problem solver: Enter Cataclysmic Gearhulk.
Since I have a semi-recursion theme and a steal theme, I put in Havengul Lich to grab nifty Creatures. Granted, this is an actually good Creature but I really like its effect. It lets me steal Creatures and that's good enough of a reason, especially since I'm 5 color so I can get anything but dedicated Eldrazi. Harbinger of the Hunt is another 5 drop activated ability guy, so that's what I cut.
Duplicant is another spot removal creature, so I cut it for Sunblast Angel. Also, with my Vigilance theme my Creatures are protected moreso than others.
Lord of the Void was weird, either too good or too bad. I also don't have a connection to it like I do with Akroma, Angel of Wrath so I didn't enjoy scrambling for Triple Black. I do like Kaervek, ever since I read some flavour text off of Mirage cards and he's been freed from my Rakdos deck. I also do like slapping people with their own things.
Lastly, Trygon Predator is a good card. No doubt about that. But I want my under 4 CMC to help accelerate the deck, which the Gardener does and then he poops out huge tokens. Match made in heaven for my 'Adventures in Timmyland' deck.
If this deck is going to be facing newbies, then adding Group Hug will enable them to fight in a pod despite their decks. Bauble fetches me one Basic once, Oath grabs me something whenever I'm behind and if I'm ahead on mana that usually means I'm doing pretty good. It also means that if someone explodes out of the gate with ramp, their lead isn't going to last. Hell, I'm getting tempted to consider the other Oaths.
Oath of Druids replaces Champion because the Champion was disappointing. It only put a Creature into play every other turn and was subject to all of the follies of Creatures. There were also times that it would just have to attack into certain death to get the Exert and I didn't like how that made me feel. I also disliked that it put Creatures from my hand into play, I didn't want to lose card advantage. I liked the Cards that put Creatures into play from nowhere, like Selvala's Stampede. Oath of Druid goes in due to multiple Creatures into play; makes my opponents also be able to put Creatures into play so if they're just sitting there with nothing, they'll still get benefits; and it mills me, nullifying my Maze's End game plan. Yes, a drawback is a bonus. This is still my bad deck to fight newbies with.
Legacy Weapon was just too difficult to play and fire despite being awesome. With my theme of 'only Wraths', it was also an easy choice. Oath of Ghouls continues Lieges and Druids' idea of something I can probably benefit from but also helps out my opponents.
As soon as I saw Conqueror's Galleon I knew it was destined for Progenitus as it definitely a Progenitus card: flashy, powerful and overcosted. Grave Betrayal, somehow, has always been disappointing so it got the axe for the Galleon.
I freed my Hell's Caretaker from my Sidisi, Brood Tyrant deck and tried it out in Jarad, Golgari Lich Lord but it suffered from the same problem: too slow to really benefit me. Then it clicked, another perfect Progenitus card. The whole deck is just a slow push towards victory and if anyone kills the momentum the deck stalls out, but if you don't then Progenitus crushes you. I cut Rite because it isn't a permanent, really that's it. Also, I don't think I could ever copy the glory of Rite Kicked on Magmatic Force.
I gave myself permission to use Command Tower so I cut Ash Barrens.
The Flip-int-Lands cards are cool. Frontier Guide in theory ramps me but I can only think of it working one time. While Compass doesn't provide a body like I usually prefer with this deck, it does turn into a useful utility land late game which is pretty nifty.
I really like the modular nature of Gaze where I can set what blows up, especially since a lot of my permanents cost a lot and could possibly dodge the Wrath. I've cut it to put it in my Jarad, Golgari Lich Lord deck and found an O-Stone that I'm chucking in here. Overall, I think O-Stone is superior so it's not really a big deal.
Damn, Concerted Effort looks like a load of fun. I'll have to think of something to cut for it, perhaps.
I don't have Maelstrom Archangel because it's expensive. The majority of this deck is from cards that got cut from other decks or when I cannibalized my Type 4 Cube. In effect, this is actually my least expensive deck because it's mostly chaff that's been bought for it - the rest are random cards. So I don't feel like spending $15 on the Archangel, even if it is a good fit for the theme and means of the deck. Also, a lot of cards in this get used up by other decks, such as today's change:
My Shattergang Brothers needed my Hell's Caretaker, so I'm swapping it out. I bought Teneb because he's cheap but also a beast. He also does a similar job of putting cool stuff into play under my control.
Prince of Thralls rarely got me cards and I didn't feel like its' Bolts were worthwhile. Homura rarely did anything as a 4/4 and flipping into his Enchantment didn't last. In fact, it usually gave my opponents' something noncreature to hit. The other Artifacts and Enchantments in the deck are powerful or group hug enough that I could ignore that. The +2/+2 and Flying felt secondary to something like Mind's Dilation or Lurking Predators.
I was looking for more ways to draw cards and the Reaver answers the question of 'what's the timmyiest way to draw?' Double Strike and Lifelink? Awesome. It's what steered me to include Vona, as she could hit problem permanents and syngerizes with the Reaver.
Math is hard strikes again. After a frustrating experience which I noted was part of a trend, I went over the deck with a fine tooth comb and discovered it was 97 cards. With that in mind, I made some swap and added three cards.
The frustration I've had is due to the nature of the deck, it gets slowed down plenty. It is easy to stall games out with Progenitus and some of the longest grinds I've had is when I'm playing Progenitus. With that in mind, I added a lot more draw so I could keep drop game ending fattys and then I added game ending fattys.
I love Sheoldred, she's probably one of my favourite creatures and I warred with including her. She's very good, almost too good for the opponents this deck was designed for. With that in mind, I decided to put her in once I cut her from my Sidisi, Brood Tyrant deck. She is also a game ending fatty. I cut Angel of Despair who only deals with one permanent once. I was a little conflicted, as she's my only solution to land problems.
Sepulchral Primordial is neat but his problem is that other people's creatures aren't as huge as mine. With that in mind, I put in Kothophed who has a bigger body, better evasion and draws a lot more cards.
Soul of the Harvest may be slower card draw but considering how often I cheat in creatures, it's good it doesn't rely on cast triggers. Plus Trample is evasive and while the 6/6 body doesn't quite impress me, it's still a lot larger than most of the Creatures I face. The Adarkar Valkyrie gets traded out as I usually didn't have time to really use her tap ability.
Aurelia closes games out and does so quickly, which helps Progenitus count to 21 faster if someone goes with a mass life gain strategy. Mulldrifter was just a one shot draw, so he got the axe. Perhaps I'll need more draw, we'll have to see.
With the three free slots, I focused more on ending the game. I think that Sunbird's Invocation does so, as it lets me dig deep for fattys and throw them into play. It's an obnoxious enchantment in the vein of Lurking Predators and Oath of Druids.
Maelstrom Wanderer lets me cast two cards off of the top and gives me team haste, which speeds up Progenitus' clock and I'm thankful for that.
If someone Wraths, as that is a frequent solution for my board, or something I opt to do myself, Stalking Vengeance can let me fling my board at their face. The best part is that Progenitus can die and with his death trigger causing him to reshuffle, I can put him in the Commander Zone. That extra 10 damage is some serious reach.
I decided to cut the Gardener because despite looking like ramp, it isn't really. It does have a pretty big scare factor if drawn late, which the Caretaker does as well but the Caretaker comes online many turns before we hit 10 lands. At the very least it'll be rotating my land fetch creatures, at best I'll be chucking one of those in the yard to resurrect a bonkers big creature.
I liked Twister because I could set the X to whatever, which means that a lot of my Creatures could survive and then swing in. With the inclusion of Maelstrom Wanderer, I don't want a feelsbad Twister for 0. Blasphemous' cost of usually one also means I've potentially open mana to play a threat afterwards, instead of the monotonous nature of the deck that is usually fatty or Wrath in the late game.
Surprisingly, Skullclamp did very little. I didn't have Creatures I would just feed to it or would trade in combat, my Creatures were tougher than that. Oath of Ghouls also didn't do that much for me. While I would like the idea of being friendly, I didn't really see it in comparison to the other Oaths.
In contrast, Planar Bridge is a lot of mana for whatever I want. I've played games where I've hit 14+ mana and this is a dangerous card that forces people to answer it. What? You'd think I'd replace like average CMC for like? Again, this is my bad Casual deck that is just fatty tribal. Guild Feud also feeds into the deck's ability to reanimate more than ever before and puts all of my dangerous Creatures into play.