MTG Salvation

128. I'm no longer allowed to take naps on the tables between matches.
They don't seem to mind if I doze off during the match tho... I never win those games.

112. For some reason people don't like you showing up at a Pauper tourney in a Lamborghini...
Even after you explain that your priorities are perfectly in order... I spent all my money on the car.

100.
I'm no longer allowed to recite lines from Cheech and Chong movies every time I play a card with G in it.

74. I'm no longer allowed to kick my opponent in the shin during a crucial turn and claim...
"Maybe it was that dog I saw in here earlier... you saw it didn't you?"

72. I'm no longer allowed to solicit the prostitute around the corner from the shop
in between matches with boxes of bulk commons. She says they're not a viable form of currency.

Pfft. Whuteva.

70. When we roll for go, I'm no longer allowed to make my opponent roll with those
weighted trick dice I stole from a Las Vegas casino craps table.

I'm no longer allowed to do magic tricks that make my opponents cards vanish into thin air.

59. When I lose, I'm no longer allowed to Gambit throw my cards at my opponents eye.

If I do break rule 59...

60. I'm no longer allowed to dance on said opponents back while he cries about his mutilated eye.

(This is phooey crap too... I was so justified. And that guy was a ***** anyway...)

29. I'm no longer allowed to look at my deck while I shuffle as it means I must be stacking my deck.

30. I'm no longer allowed to break my opponents wrist for snatching my cards off my mat, pretending to read them, then bending and thumbnail gouging my card as he puts it back down.... ya know what? F that, I'm breakin somethin if that sh** ever happens again.

27. Whenever I play against white, it's rude of me to pass the turn by saying "Fear the Doom Blade."

10. I'm no longer allowed to think my lands count as colored permanents.

6. I'm no longer allowed to claim that any foreign card I play says "I win."