"My friends. I just... ah. Karn, the legend. Didn't disappear in midsentence this time, did you? 'Grats. I'd hate for Moss_E's show to get reset- I mean, rescheduled.
"Can I get a-?" *waits for someone to get him a glass*
*looks at the glass like it's a cat*
"Lili, my lovely raven. I must say you've given me a new outlook on life's little quandaries. Why acknowledge the expiry date on my bread if I can take it to the bakery, beat the retailer over the head with it, and banish the baker's mind to Netherbeing as an example to all the other bakers not to give me that line? Wasted words I say." *tips the glass, downs it*
"Tezzeret the 'Seeker'. You-" *snrk* "When-" *snorting noise*
*cough laugh*
"..." *wheezy laugh* "... a shack ...!" *quacking laugh* *Jace bangs the podium* *rests body on podium*
*long pause with eyes closed* *looks at Tezz* *sobbing laugh*
*brushes away tears*
"Speaking of roaming, Tezz, make sure you check with the venue before you leave, Tezz. There was something about fining you at parking rates as some kind of station wagon. I was able to barter you down to midsize car, just don't give them any reason to think you're a family man.
"Yeah that's it. That's the face."
*gets another glass*
"My friends, it's really something to be asked to speak in this forum about this legend-birthing, colossal-" *gesturing* "-mind-boggling screwup. Nicol Bolas. My relationship with this overgrown gecko began in a strange world, pristine, clean water. Lots of storage space. Gently air-conditioned. You know it as the perfect living quarters for a twenty-something with no coherent ambition and aimless habits. The real figure being about one thousand times greater than this... at least our established 'entrepreneur' Liliana is well in the clear." *drinks to that* "Yes, at her rates, Karn, you'll wanna hear this, my broad studies tell me Nicol is in fact one point five demon-slayings younger - younger - than Joan Rivers. The comparison you're looking for is Betty White.
"Back to the living, meeting this tryhard for the first time, I thought to myself, 'by the Eternities, he must be the master at this by now!' I knew I had to study up. First time we had really seen each other, and there was Nicol, eyeing my curiosity and daring like a degenerate signing a preteen pop singer. Oh I was a believer. I believed it was none too soon to get the Hell out of that body and swap some rival into it - a tom, say, whom I knew would compete with me for the attention of a woman." *shakes head, eyes upturned* "Whew."
*places hands far apart on podium*
"Yes, I'm sure the interdimensional travel has something to do with Nick losing the distinction out to Rivers, eldest beings and all." *turns to Bolas* "-Sorry Nicol. Upside is you have had less facial work done. You're at what, three touchups? Decided improvement since your first public outing in Legends." *violent shudder, turning away* "Yoi."
"Put me in touch with your cosmeticist. Or, no, Hell, give Ajani a number for Feroz' sake. Man you cannot sit on deals like that, hook us up." *leans on elbows* "Ajani, bro, the scars are cool, by all means, but you are getting profiled, I can promise you." *makes dumb face and flicks finger at his own head*
*smooth breath*
"I want to share something with this forum. It is a vast honour, to receive that urging, that egging-on, to speak on behalf of others as much as to my own opinion. So much so that for a few minutes, I considered doing it. But my talents would forbid you all the enjoyment of plausible deniability, that common luxury which I believe Wexford's dictionary defines, and can only put best, as 'Not imploding under Elder Dragon rage.' It's not definition one, it's definition two. Two."
"Yikes, you take an oaf like Nickie, you give him a few-" *rolls eyes* "-thousand years of knowledge and power, and when one bit of it starts to slip away it's all clenched talons and doom plots.
"You need to learn to forget, Nicol. Did Darius the First of Persia brood and lament when he fell under suspicion from Cyrus the Great, king before him? No, Nicko," *matter-of-factly, turns to him* "-he became bodyguard to Cyrus' son, who somehow died while with him in Egypt, and he returned to Persia to kill the other brother and take the throne, crushing three internal rebellions and warring for expansion into Greece.
"Now there's a lesson in this. Ah. Hmm. This isn't going like I thought it would - but see, just go with it. Karn over there was made god-king of Incarnate Plague tropes and presided over the despoilment of his own childplane - which I guess is kind of like getting shortlisted for adoption and resorting to breeding the ones you have for more - and he looks chipper to me."
"...
Come to think of it forget the- Forget I said that."
*avoids eye-contact with Karn now*
"Nicol, you who unite us in arms, in tears. You who deign to orchestrate plots across centuries and never bother to work in your own infamy as a liability. And you who treat Tezzeret as more disposable than his volume in water to a drowning man, you inspire ambition and nobility in all, in your myriad failures as much as solemn successes. I would not rather war with any other king."
"My friends. I just... ah. Karn, the legend. Didn't disappear in midsentence this time, did you? 'Grats. I'd hate for Moss_E's show to get reset- I mean, rescheduled.
"Can I get a-?" *waits for someone to get him a glass*
*looks at the glass like it's a cat*
"Lili, my lovely raven. I must say you've given me a new outlook on life's little quandaries. Why acknowledge the expiry date on my bread if I can take it to the bakery, beat the retailer over the head with it, and banish the baker's mind to Netherbeing as an example to all the other bakers not to give me that line? Wasted words I say." *tips the glass, downs it*
"Tezzeret the 'Seeker'. You-" *snrk* "When-" *snorting noise*
*cough laugh*
"..." *wheezy laugh* "... a shack ...!" *quacking laugh* *Jace bangs the podium* *rests body on podium*
*long pause with eyes closed* *looks at Tezz* *sobbing laugh*
*brushes away tears*
"Speaking of roaming, Tezz, make sure you check with the venue before you leave, Tezz. There was something about fining you at parking rates as some kind of station wagon. I was able to barter you down to midsize car, just don't give them any reason to think you're a family man.
"Yeah that's it. That's the face."
*gets another glass*
"My friends, it's really something to be asked to speak in this forum about this legend-birthing, colossal-" *gesturing* "-mind-boggling screwup. Nicol Bolas. My relationship with this overgrown gecko began in a strange world, pristine, clean water. Lots of storage space. Gently air-conditioned. You know it as the perfect living quarters for a twenty-something with no coherent ambition and aimless habits. The real figure being about one thousand times greater than this... at least our established 'entrepreneur' Liliana is well in the clear." *drinks to that* "Yes, at her rates, Karn, you'll wanna hear this, my broad studies tell me Nicol is in fact one point five demon-slayings younger - younger - than Joan Rivers. The comparison you're looking for is Betty White.
"Back to the living, meeting this tryhard for the first time, I thought to myself, 'by the Eternities, he must be the master at this by now!' I knew I had to study up. First time we had really seen each other, and there was Nicol, eyeing my curiosity and daring like a degenerate signing a preteen pop singer. Oh I was a believer. I believed it was none too soon to get the Hell out of that body and swap some rival into it - a tom, say, whom I knew would compete with me for the attention of a woman." *shakes head, eyes upturned* "Whew."
*places hands far apart on podium*
"Yes, I'm sure the interdimensional travel has something to do with Nick losing the distinction out to Rivers, eldest beings and all." *turns to Bolas* "-Sorry Nicol. Upside is you have had less facial work done. You're at what, three touchups? Decided improvement since your first public outing in Legends." *violent shudder, turning away* "Yoi."
"Put me in touch with your cosmeticist. Or, no, Hell, give Ajani a number for Feroz' sake. Man you cannot sit on deals like that, hook us up." *leans on elbows* "Ajani, bro, the scars are cool, by all means, but you are getting profiled, I can promise you." *makes dumb face and flicks finger at his own head*
*smooth breath*
"I want to share something with this forum. It is a vast honour, to receive that urging, that egging-on, to speak on behalf of others as much as to my own opinion. So much so that for a few minutes, I considered doing it. But my talents would forbid you all the enjoyment of plausible deniability, that common luxury which I believe Wexford's dictionary defines, and can only put best, as 'Not imploding under Elder Dragon rage.' It's not definition one, it's definition two. Two."
"Yikes, you take an oaf like Nickie, you give him a few-" *rolls eyes* "-thousand years of knowledge and power, and when one bit of it starts to slip away it's all clenched talons and doom plots.
"You need to learn to forget, Nicol. Did Darius the First of Persia brood and lament when he fell under suspicion from Cyrus the Great, king before him? No, Nicko," *matter-of-factly, turns to him* "-he became bodyguard to Cyrus' son, who somehow died while with him in Egypt, and he returned to Persia to kill the other brother and take the throne, crushing three internal rebellions and warring for expansion into Greece.
"Now there's a lesson in this. Ah. Hmm. This isn't going like I thought it would - but see, just go with it. Karn over there was made god-king of Incarnate Plague tropes and presided over the despoilment of his own childplane - which I guess is kind of like getting shortlisted for adoption and resorting to breeding the ones you have for more - and he looks chipper to me."
"...
Come to think of it forget the- Forget I said that."
*avoids eye-contact with Karn now*
"Nicol, you who unite us in arms, in tears. You who deign to orchestrate plots across centuries and never bother to work in your own infamy as a liability. And you who treat Tezzeret as more disposable than his volume in water to a drowning man, you inspire ambition and nobility in all, in your myriad failures as much as solemn successes. I would not rather war with any other king."