[color=navy]:Tezzeret, Agent of Bolas uncrosses his legs in a swirl of bright pink light. standing up, the Etherium master collects his silvery goblet. he casually looks at the other roasters, then glances over the crowd. he walks towards the podium, ignoring the roast master and smirking at the Roastie. Tezzeret reaches the podium, sits his cup on the top of it and pulls a folded piece of paper from seemingly out of no where. he clears his throat, and stares at the audience for a brief period as the audience's applause dies down. staring directly at Sarkan Vol seated in the front row, he begins his roast:[/color]
"They say Im the Agent of Bolas. Would that make Sarkhan Vol a friend with benefits? Sarkhan Vol is about as useful as Mishra, Artificer Prodigy in Commander.
Who else is that out there? Is that Koth, or is that a fire pit? I can't ever tell.
Haha! Ga-rook, Ga-rook, Garruk Wild Speaker! He has about as many intelligent thoughts as M12 had legendary creatures. Woah! Just kidding Garruk. Please don't eat me. Wait, can you digest metal?"
[color=navy]:garruk looks confused:[/color]
"Forget I asked."
[color=navy]:tezzeret looks over to karn:[/color]
When I saw Karn in New Phyrexia, he was really on the edge of his seat. I asked him what the problem was, and he said he needed a date. I didn't know what to say. I asked him what the problem was, and he told me he was just a bit rusty.
[color=navy]:sarkhan vol laughs loudly:[/color]
"I'm kinda scared of Jace. Seems like every time Liliana sleeps with a guy he turns out to be a soul-eating demon.
Speaking of diarrhea, what can possibly be said about Jace that hasn't been said by someone who drank water in Innistrad?
Jace and Liliana make a good couple. In the way WotC made Nicol-Bolas, Planeswalker a playable card. Be careful there, buddy, she's got the green envy now."
[color=navy]:tezzeret peers at liliana, shaking his head:[/color]
"Is the old saying true, Lili? 'Once you go green, you're never clean.'?"
[color=navy]:looks across the room at Garruk:[/color]
"What about the other one, 'Once you go black, your printed on the back.'? Sorry Garruk, but we all know what Veil Cursed really means.
Ajani took forever getting up here. I guess he must have been cat-napping. I knew he was getting old, but I didn't know he was the.old cat lady. Urza-H-Brother, did he just spray on my seat?
[color=navy]:tezzeret touches his metal glass, and it turns into a.spray bottle. He then sprays a pink liiquid in the general direction of Ajani:[/color]
"Bad kitty! No!"
[color=navy]:the crowd laughs harder than ever, and applauds. tezzeret tosses the bottle into the audience. Nisaa Revane and Tamiyo the Moonsage squabble over it. Surprisingly, Tibalt reaches in to grab it, and blows a kiss as tezzeret. raising an eyebrow at the result, tez looks up at Bolas:[/color]
"It seems Bolas is just the go-to filler plot bad guy; basically the Daleks of the multiverse. He's less relevant than Tibalt in standard! Or any format.
Yeah, Bolas isn't one of those bosses you can prank and screw around with... He won't just fire you, he'll incinerate you where you stand. And you wanna know why Bolas' story has changed more than Jace's hairstyle? He's stspped reading! Do you see any books in his latest incarnation? Mind you, nobody took him seriously with his glasses on, and nobody alive today makes dragon-sized contact lenses...
Bolas is so old he still uses MySpace and his only friend aside from Tom is Sarkhan.
You know what Bolas and Rakish Heir have in common? Being the odd one out in their corsets. Bolas being multicolor and [/color]Rakish Heir being the only transgendered. Wait, I mean core sets, not corsets. To be honest, Lili wore it better.
[color=navy]tezzeret sighs:[/color]
Nicol Bolas: The most ancient and powerful being in the multiverse. He's gonna cop a hell of a fine when he returns those library books.
Elder dragon, huh? I guess that makes him too old to do things himself! Trust me, Sarkhan told me all about it...Bolas didn't keep him alive so he could carry out some mysterious plot. Turns out he just needed help going to the bathroom! We should call him an Elderly Dragon instead!
I just realized Bolas is probably the most pimp planeswalker of the multiverse. He gave me this awesome pink light in my abdomen, you know? Only a pimp would hook me up like that. He has his own private plane. Complete with his own private flight attendants. The man has taste, right? Okay, probably, when creating a crew of flight attendants, if you're 25000 years old, a mirror should probably not be the tool of choice."
[color=navy]:tezzeret smiles and the crowd goes absolutely bonkers. he folds the paper back up and it disappears in a pink puff of smoke. tezzeret looks directly at Sorin, Lord of Innistrad, and nods subtly. he grabs the mic with his etherium hand, then bangs his chest twice with the mic:[/color]
"GO TEAM SORIN!"
[color=navy]:tezzeret drops the mic, and calmly walks to his seat as the crowd practically rushes the stage, begging for more of the metallic god:[/color]
There were some hilarious parts in every entry.
I smh at some of the jibes, lol.
@ME, thanks for running the contest!
Putting the sexy in Science Fiction!
gamertag: filthychocolate
[color=navy]:Tezzeret, Agent of Bolas uncrosses his legs in a swirl of bright pink light. standing up, the Etherium master collects his silvery goblet. he casually looks at the other roasters, then glances over the crowd. he walks towards the podium, ignoring the roast master and smirking at the Roastie. Tezzeret reaches the podium, sits his cup on the top of it and pulls a folded piece of paper from seemingly out of no where. he clears his throat, and stares at the audience for a brief period as the audience's applause dies down. staring directly at Sarkan Vol seated in the front row, he begins his roast:[/color]
"Sarkan Vol."
[color=navy]the crowd laughs uproariously:[/color]
"They say Im the Agent of Bolas. Would that make Sarkhan Vol a friend with benefits? Sarkhan Vol is about as useful as Mishra, Artificer Prodigy in Commander.
Who else is that out there? Is that Koth, or is that a fire pit? I can't ever tell.
Haha! Ga-rook, Ga-rook, Garruk Wild Speaker! He has about as many intelligent thoughts as M12 had legendary creatures. Woah! Just kidding Garruk. Please don't eat me. Wait, can you digest metal?"
[color=navy]:garruk looks confused:[/color]
"Forget I asked."
[color=navy]:tezzeret looks over to karn:[/color]
When I saw Karn in New Phyrexia, he was really on the edge of his seat. I asked him what the problem was, and he said he needed a date. I didn't know what to say. I asked him what the problem was, and he told me he was just a bit rusty.
[color=navy]:sarkhan vol laughs loudly:[/color]
"I'm kinda scared of Jace. Seems like every time Liliana sleeps with a guy he turns out to be a soul-eating demon.
Speaking of diarrhea, what can possibly be said about Jace that hasn't been said by someone who drank water in Innistrad?
Jace and Liliana make a good couple. In the way WotC made Nicol-Bolas, Planeswalker a playable card. Be careful there, buddy, she's got the green envy now."
[color=navy]:tezzeret peers at liliana, shaking his head:[/color]
"Is the old saying true, Lili? 'Once you go green, you're never clean.'?"
[color=navy]:looks across the room at Garruk:[/color]
"What about the other one, 'Once you go black, your printed on the back.'? Sorry Garruk, but we all know what Veil Cursed really means.
Ajani took forever getting up here. I guess he must have been cat-napping. I knew he was getting old, but I didn't know he was the.old cat lady. Urza-H-Brother, did he just spray on my seat?
[color=navy]:tezzeret touches his metal glass, and it turns into a.spray bottle. He then sprays a pink liiquid in the general direction of Ajani:[/color]
"Bad kitty! No!"
[color=navy]:the crowd laughs harder than ever, and applauds. tezzeret tosses the bottle into the audience. Nisaa Revane and Tamiyo the Moonsage squabble over it. Surprisingly, Tibalt reaches in to grab it, and blows a kiss as tezzeret. raising an eyebrow at the result, tez looks up at Bolas:[/color]
"It seems Bolas is just the go-to filler plot bad guy; basically the Daleks of the multiverse. He's less relevant than Tibalt in standard! Or any format.
Yeah, Bolas isn't one of those bosses you can prank and screw around with... He won't just fire you, he'll incinerate you where you stand. And you wanna know why Bolas' story has changed more than Jace's hairstyle? He's stspped reading! Do you see any books in his latest incarnation? Mind you, nobody took him seriously with his glasses on, and nobody alive today makes dragon-sized contact lenses...
Bolas is so old he still uses MySpace and his only friend aside from Tom is Sarkhan.
You know what Bolas and Rakish Heir have in common? Being the odd one out in their corsets. Bolas being multicolor and [/color]Rakish Heir being the only transgendered. Wait, I mean core sets, not corsets. To be honest, Lili wore it better.
[color=navy]tezzeret sighs:[/color]
Nicol Bolas: The most ancient and powerful being in the multiverse. He's gonna cop a hell of a fine when he returns those library books.
Elder dragon, huh? I guess that makes him too old to do things himself! Trust me, Sarkhan told me all about it...Bolas didn't keep him alive so he could carry out some mysterious plot. Turns out he just needed help going to the bathroom! We should call him an Elderly Dragon instead!
I just realized Bolas is probably the most pimp planeswalker of the multiverse. He gave me this awesome pink light in my abdomen, you know? Only a pimp would hook me up like that. He has his own private plane. Complete with his own private flight attendants. The man has taste, right? Okay, probably, when creating a crew of flight attendants, if you're 25000 years old, a mirror should probably not be the tool of choice."
[color=navy]:tezzeret smiles and the crowd goes absolutely bonkers. he folds the paper back up and it disappears in a pink puff of smoke. tezzeret looks directly at Sorin, Lord of Innistrad, and nods subtly. he grabs the mic with his etherium hand, then bangs his chest twice with the mic:[/color]
"GO TEAM SORIN!"
[color=navy]:tezzeret drops the mic, and calmly walks to his seat as the crowd practically rushes the stage, begging for more of the metallic god:[/color]
Putting the sexy in Science Fiction!
gamertag: filthychocolate
Coming to collect on late fees owed to the Library.
Putting the sexy in Science Fiction!
gamertag: filthychocolate