[B]Ambuscemi[/B] 1GG
Creature - Human (U)
Flash
Intimidate
When Ambuscemi comes into play, prevent all damage that would be dealt to it this turn. "If Steve Buscemi fell out of a tree and started attacking me, I wouldn't fight back either"
--Me
2/2
IIW: Races no one cares about.
This might be my favourite pun ever. Imagine being ambushed by Steve Buscemi in a dark alley. Good card too, although somewhat schizophrenic.
[B]Myrsocath Lattice[/B]
Artifact (R)
All cards that aren't on the battlefield, spells, and permanents are colorless 2/2 myr artifact creatures with ":symtap:: add to your mana pool." and mana cost of
IIW: Big red enchantments
That's a stretch. Also, lands with mana costs could lead to issues. Also: Tooth and Nail for Fireball?
[B]Judge Unearthy[/B] XXBRG
Sorcery (R)
Destroy X target lands. For each land destroyed this way return X target creatures from your graveyard to the battlefield. They gain haste. Exile them at the beginning of the next end step or if they would leave the battlefield.
Homarid Bound[/B] - 2UUU
Sorcery
Gain control of all permanents you own, and then put X 1/1 homarid creature tokens into play where X is equal to the number of permanents you gained control of this way. They say you can never go.
IIW: Wedge Commanders
Given Brand exists and this is a super narrow effect, I'm inclined to say 2U at most. Also, I'm a fan of Homarid Bound.
[B]Boom Blade[/b] 1
Artifact — Equipment [U]
Whenever equipped creature deals combat damage, sacrifice Boom Blade. If you do, Boom Blade deals 3 damage to target creature or player.
Equip 1 "I never say no to a little destruction, but I prefer it when my weapon doesn't explode in my hands."
—Kamahl, Pit Fighter
[b]Angelic Accordion[/b] 3W
Enchantment (R)
Whenever you gain life, you may put that many verse counters on Angelic Accordion.
At the beginning of each upkeep, you may remove any number of verse counters from Angelic Accordion. If you do, it becomes an X/X white Angel enchantment creature with flying until end of turn, where X is the number of verse counters removed this way.
IIW: Mayan-themed cards (no Aztecs)
...sure? Seems pretty poor considering we have things like Ageless Entity, but the evasion is nice.
,T or W,T: Put a 0/1 white Goat creature token onto the battlefield.
-
[B]Huntmaster of the Shells[/B] 2UU
Creature- Human Werewolf (Mythic)
Whenever this creature enters the battlefield or transforms into Huntmaster of the Shells, put a 1/3 blue Turtle creature token onto the battlefield and untap target Island you control.
At the beginning of each upkeep, if no spells were cast last turn, transform Huntmaster of the Shells.
///
[B]Ravager of the Shells[/B] U Creature — Werewolf (Mythic)
Hexproof
Whenever this creature transforms into Ravager of the Fells, target instant or sorcery card in your graveyard gains flashback until end of turn. The flashback cost is equal to its mana cost.
At the beginning of each upkeep, if a player cast two or more spells last turn, transform Ravager of the Shells.
Haha, yes. Things I would change: Give the creatures a power and toughness, take away the untap an Island clause.
[B]Merfolk Bouncer[/B] 1UU
[U]Creature[/U] - [U]Merfolk[/U] [B]{U}[/B]
Whenever a creature deals damage to you, return it to ots owner's hand unless its controller pays 2. If you think that club can't handle you, his club can.
2/2
IIW: songcards OR 1-cmc legendary
Not an original pun but still a good one. Interesting take on Windborn Muse; I'd consider making it rare.
[B]Boom Satyr[/B] 2RR
Creature - Satyr (R) Heroic - Whenever ~ becomes the target of a spell you control, destroy target artifact or land, then ~ deals 2 damage to itself. On Theros, "Hero" is a very loosely defined term.
3/3
IIW: Game of Thrones
Destroying a land on heroic is just about the rudest thing I can think of. No dice.
[B]Tibalt, the Friend-Blooded[/B] RR
Planeswalker - Tibalt
+1: Target opponent gains control of target permanent you control. Hug that player.
-3: Every player except target player puts a 5/5 red dragon creature with flying onto the battlefield.
-6: All players vote on a player. That player's creatures each deal damage equal to their power to that player. You choose in case of a tie.
2
[B]IIW:[/B] Cards for multiplayer
I think the funny part here is that this is better than old Tibalt. His +1 is still arse though.
[B]Lady of the Evening[/B] BR
Creature - Human Horror (U) 1BR,T: Put a -1/-1 counter on target creature and gain control of it and it gains haste until end of turn. Untap it. The greatest mystery is how she has repeat customers.
2/2
Too subtle? (I think I'll make it a lady of the evening...)
IIW: Euphemisms made harmful, or a water world
Not really a pun as far as I can tell. Also ruuuude. Tack some more mana symbols on and we're alright here.
[B]Satyrday Night Fever[/B] 1GG
Sorcery (R)
Creatures you control get +1/+1 and trample until end of turn. Then if a creature you control has power 2 or less, repeat this process. "There's ways of killing yourself without killing yourself." — Satyr Manero
IIW: White control
Haha, love it. Could possibly be uncommon? I'm thinking Downsize or something to get some serious beats in.
[B]Knightfall[/B] 2WW
Instant (U)
Put two 2/2 white Knight creature tokens with flying onto the battlefield tapped and attacking. Sacrifice them at the beginning of the next end step. The higher the flight, the harder the landing.
IIW: DINOSAUR WORLD
So close to being glorious. Still appreciable though.
[B]Wholly Day[/B] 1WW
Enchantment (R)
When Wholly Day enters the battlefield, transform each double-faced permanent with no mana cost. Permanents with mana costs can't transform.
Single-faced creatures you control get +1/+1.
IIW: New counter types
Not sure where you're going with this pun. Doesn't really make sense to me. Mediocre hoser but at least it's an anthem. How does this work with tokens?
[B]Punner's Bane[/B] 1U
[U]Enchantment - Aura [B]C[/B][/U]
Enchant creature with a pun in its name
Enchanted creature does not untap in its controller's untap step.
Gotcha - whenever Punner's Bane's owner uses a pun, enchanted creature's controller may untap it.
Painfully. But AA moves the goalpost for obvious a few hundred football fields.
[B]Wire Hellkite[/B] 4
[U]Artifact Creature - Dragon Construct[/U] (U)
Flying, trample The grand dragon kites of Almera were once believed to be purely ceremonial. Every assault on the city since has proved this assumption very wrong.
4/2
IIW: Dragons
I think that's funny? Probably needs to cost 6 or something though.
[B]Winner: [/B]reebtoor.
[B]Next: [/B]Races no one cares about.
Load-Bearing Pillar
Land {R} T:Add 1 to your mana pool. 3G,T,Discard a card: Put a 2/2 green Bear creature token onto the battlefield.
Bear Witness1GG
Sorcery {U}
Return target card from your graveyard to your hand. Put a 2/2 green Bear creature token onto the battlefield. Exile Bear Witness.
Lay BearGW
Creature - Bear Cleric {U}
When Lay Bear enters the battlefield, destroy all Auras and Equipment attached to target creature.
2/2
Grizzly Spectacle2GG
Sorcery {U}
Put a 2/2 green Bear creature token onto the battlefield. It has haste this turn. All creatures able to block it this turn do so.
Bearer of Ill Omens3GG
Creature - Human Druid {R}
Whenever you discard a card, you may put a 2/2 green Bear creature token onto the battlefield.
3/4
Bearstrike4U
Sorcery {U}
Put two 2/2 blue Bear Illusion creature tokens with flying onto the battlefield. If R was spent to cast Bearstrike, those tokens gain haste until end of turn.
Bear and Tear1G
Sorcery {C}
Kicker 1W
Put a 2/2 green Bear creature token onto the battlefield. If Bear and Tear was kicked, destroy target artifact or enchantment.
Gilder Bearn1GG
Creature - Bear Ouphe {R} 3GG,Q:For each Bear you control, put a 2/2 green Bear creature token onto the battlefield.
1/3
Bearadicate3BB
Sorcery {R}
Destroy all creatures target player controls. For each creature put into a graveyard this way, its controller puts a 2/2 black Zombie Bear creature token onto the battlefield.
Roiling Bearrain4RG
Sorcery {U}
Destroy target land, then put a 2/2 green Bear creature token onto the battlefield for each land card in its controller's graveyard.
Fabled PoetWG
Creature - Human Advisor {R}
Whenever a +1/+1 counter is placed on a creature you control, creatures you control get +1/+1 until end of turn. "You. Hero. Be sure to listen."
1/1
Eocles, Oracle of PurphorosRRR
Legendary Creature — Human Wizard {R} X: Exile the top card of your library. If that card's converted mana cost is X or less, you may play it without paying its mana cost until end of turn.
4/2
I can't shake the feeling naming zero every time is an unintended side effect.
Aw man, I forgot that Oculus won't judge my entries because of the color of my text. I was so proud of my common too.
Legitimately missed that. All I saw was :words:.
Anyway, it's bad. A one-mana 0/2 defender won't be blocking much, and scry 1 is pretty negligible. People won't just blindly swing 1/1s into it and getting more than one block out of it is more trouble than it's worth.
Dimir Peeping Tom :1mana::symu:
Creature - Human Rogue Creep
Whenever a permanent becomes unattached from another creature, scry 4, then tap and untap Dimir Peeping Tom.
1/1
Warden's Eye3W
Enchantment (U)
Whenever a nontoken creature enters the battlefield under an opponent's control, you may put a 1/1 white Soldier creature token onto the battlefield. "Between the midnight patrols, the midday patrols, and the hourly patrols, very little within these walls goes unnoticed — or unpunished."
—Isvold, Karakev Prison jailer
IIW: Prison world.
I like this a lot. Could/should probably be rare but I'm not 100% on that.
Keyhole Peeker1B
Creature — Human Rogue (U)
Whenever a creature an opponent controls becomes unequipped, draw a card.
2/2
IIW: Undress a card
Less degenerate than Lapson's (in more than one way), but still too good to be a bear. Also this is blue, not black.
Aside: Would a creature dying set this off? I don't think it would but I may be wrong.
Watcher in the Water2UB
Creature - Horror R
Defender
Watcher in the Water can block a number of creatures equal to its power. 4UB Monstrosity 3
As long as Watcher in the Water is Monstrous, it loses Defender and has Vigilance.
3/5
IIW: Frienemies
This is basically Hundred-Handed One. Don't be afraid of assigning "evil" to colors other than black either - there's no reason for white not to have villains or monsters, especially when it's a major theme.
Unclosing Eye4B
Creature - Eye
Non-Eye creatures you control can't attack.
Whenever a player casts a spell, that player loses 2 life. It knows when you're sleeping; it know's when you're awake...
3/6
IIW: Punish everyone
I hope you realize how bad this is. If it only punished opponents it'd be pretty sweet.
Lapson and avatarz made the same joke. Foreigners sure are perverted.
Windriddle Curse2UB
Enchantment - Aura Curse {R}
Enchant player
Enchanted player plays with the top card of his or her library revealed.
During each player's turn, if that player isn't enchanted player, that player may play the top card of enchanted player's library.
IIW: A character from Theros flavor text.
Haha, this card is my jam. Up it to five mana and you got yourself a stew goin'.
Nighttime Vigilante2WB
Legendary Creature — Human Bat Knight [R]
Vigilance
Whenever another creature you control dies, Nighttime Vigilante deals damage equal to its power to each creature that dealt damage to the creature that died this turn. WB: Nighttime Vigilante gets +1/+1 until end of turn. A silent guardian. A watchful protector. A Dark Knight.
1/3
IIW: Innovative, non-color pie obliterating use of phybrid
Not sure what to make of this. My first thought is that it's Moonveil Dragon but much more restrictive. I suppose this is passable, if not that fantastic.
Prismatic Beholder :2mana::symr::symb:
Creature - Beholder Horror [M]
:symg::symu:: Monstrosity 2. (If this creature isn't monstrous, put two +1/+1 counters on it and it becomes monstrous.)
When Prismatic Beholder becomes monstrous, choose four target creatures. Put them in a random order. Prismatic Beholder fights the first, and deals 3 damage to the second. Return the third to its owner's hand, and destroy the fourth unless it is black or artifact.
4/4
Eye of Boundaries Beyond4
Legendary Artifact (M)
The first time each turn you return a card from your graveyard to your hand, you may return an additional target card of the same type from your graveyard to your hand.
The first time each turn you return a permanent card from your graveyard to the battlefield, you may return an additional target permanent card of the same type from your graveyard to the battlefield.
Oh hey that's neat. Would make Mikaeus the Unhallowed absurd. I suppose it's fine being an artifact, seeing every color has some interactions like this.
Effigy of Maligni4 Artifact [R]
At the beginning of your upkeep, lose one life and sacrifice a permanent.
Creatures with power less than the number of artifacts you control cannot attack or block. "Ages have passed since Maligni's inquisition, but his effigy leers still with eyes ungazed, and all kneel for reasons unknown."
- Dhallo, village storyteller
IIW: seven
That's a pretty minor drawback for what amounts to locking down the board pretty hard. Combine with Ensnaring Bridge or Meekstone for great :trolo:. Can we give this fading or something?
Eyeless Dominion4WU
Creature — Angel Advisor (M)
Flying, vigilance
Players play with the top card of their libraries revealed.
Eyeless Dominion and other creatures you control have protection from the colors of the top card of each player's library. She gave her eyes for limitless sight.
4/4
IIW: New counter types.
Can't decide how I feel about this. Seems like it'd be on the same level of griefy bombiness as Iona or Avacyn. Probably fine if you push it higher, like a 6/6 for 5WWU or something.
Better?
This might be my favourite pun ever. Imagine being ambushed by Steve Buscemi in a dark alley. Good card too, although somewhat schizophrenic.
That's a stretch. Also, lands with mana costs could lead to issues. Also: Tooth and Nail for Fireball?
Not feeling it. Decent card, if rude.
Given Brand exists and this is a super narrow effect, I'm inclined to say 2U at most. Also, I'm a fan of Homarid Bound.
Not seeing it. Pretty good though, if not exactly a white card.
Not much of a hoop to jump through to get a Searing Spear for 2. Nothing pundamentally wrong with the pun, just not great.
...sure? Seems pretty poor considering we have things like Ageless Entity, but the evasion is nice.
Haha, yes. Things I would change: Give the creatures a power and toughness, take away the untap an Island clause.
Not an original pun but still a good one. Interesting take on Windborn Muse; I'd consider making it rare.
Destroying a land on heroic is just about the rudest thing I can think of. No dice.
Haha, it's funny because Swords to Plowshares. Make it instant speed and/or white, tack on some flavor text, you got yourself a stew goin'.
I think the funny part here is that this is better than old Tibalt. His +1 is still arse though.
Not really a pun as far as I can tell. Also ruuuude. Tack some more mana symbols on and we're alright here.
Haha, love it. Could possibly be uncommon? I'm thinking Downsize or something to get some serious beats in.
So close to being glorious. Still appreciable though.
Not sure where you're going with this pun. Doesn't really make sense to me. Mediocre hoser but at least it's an anthem. How does this work with tokens?
Trying to see the pun but failing. Strong card. See Immolation. Not much else to say about it.
Your previous one was better.
I hate this and everything it stands for.
I think that's funny? Probably needs to cost 6 or something though.
[B]Winner: [/B]reebtoor.
[B]Next: [/B]Races no one cares about.
[Clan Flamingo] Tier Archivist
[15:21] <@CC> Remember, if you argue, you are an idiot.
Untrophied Wins:
Perfect MCC Scores: 2
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[Clan Flamingo] Tier Archivist
[15:21] <@CC> Remember, if you argue, you are an idiot.
Untrophied Wins:
Perfect MCC Scores: 2
---------------------------------------------------------------
It's a very distinctive eye.
Also, I will only be judging your best pun. Probably best to make sure it's your best card as well.
[Clan Flamingo] Tier Archivist
[15:21] <@CC> Remember, if you argue, you are an idiot.
Untrophied Wins:
Perfect MCC Scores: 2
---------------------------------------------------------------
Tell you what, I'll give you a few preset themes:
- Steve Buscemi
- Anything related to eyes
- Small woodland critters
- Trees
- Thyme
Feel free to use something else entirely though.
[Clan Flamingo] Tier Archivist
[15:21] <@CC> Remember, if you argue, you are an idiot.
Untrophied Wins:
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---------------------------------------------------------------
If you want to know what my flatmate uses as a wallpaper, google Buscemi Kid. You'll know it when you see it.
[Clan Flamingo] Tier Archivist
[15:21] <@CC> Remember, if you argue, you are an idiot.
Untrophied Wins:
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*Steve Buscemeye
No further comments.
[Clan Flamingo] Tier Archivist
[15:21] <@CC> Remember, if you argue, you are an idiot.
Untrophied Wins:
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Just kidding go make puns
[Clan Flamingo] Tier Archivist
[15:21] <@CC> Remember, if you argue, you are an idiot.
Untrophied Wins:
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Load-Bearing Pillar
Land {R}
T:Add 1 to your mana pool.
3G,T,Discard a card: Put a 2/2 green Bear creature token onto the battlefield.
Bear Witness 1GG
Sorcery {U}
Return target card from your graveyard to your hand. Put a 2/2 green Bear creature token onto the battlefield. Exile Bear Witness.
Lay Bear GW
Creature - Bear Cleric {U}
When Lay Bear enters the battlefield, destroy all Auras and Equipment attached to target creature.
2/2
Grizzly Spectacle 2GG
Sorcery {U}
Put a 2/2 green Bear creature token onto the battlefield. It has haste this turn. All creatures able to block it this turn do so.
Bearer of Ill Omens 3GG
Creature - Human Druid {R}
Whenever you discard a card, you may put a 2/2 green Bear creature token onto the battlefield.
3/4
Bearstrike 4U
Sorcery {U}
Put two 2/2 blue Bear Illusion creature tokens with flying onto the battlefield. If R was spent to cast Bearstrike, those tokens gain haste until end of turn.
Bear and Tear 1G
Sorcery {C}
Kicker 1W
Put a 2/2 green Bear creature token onto the battlefield. If Bear and Tear was kicked, destroy target artifact or enchantment.
Gilder Bearn 1GG
Creature - Bear Ouphe {R}
3GG,Q:For each Bear you control, put a 2/2 green Bear creature token onto the battlefield.
1/3
Underbear 1G
Enchantment Creature - Bear {C}
Bestow 1GG
Enchanted creature gets +2/+2.
2/2
Bearadicate 3BB
Sorcery {R}
Destroy all creatures target player controls. For each creature put into a graveyard this way, its controller puts a 2/2 black Zombie Bear creature token onto the battlefield.
Roiling Bearrain 4RG
Sorcery {U}
Destroy target land, then put a 2/2 green Bear creature token onto the battlefield for each land card in its controller's graveyard.
Bonus:
Polar Bear 1G
Snow Creature - Bear {C}
2/2
IIW: Non-bear related puns
[Clan Flamingo] Tier Archivist
[15:21] <@CC> Remember, if you argue, you are an idiot.
Untrophied Wins:
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Riptide Researcher exists, although I have a hunch you already knew that.
[Clan Flamingo] Tier Archivist
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Creature - Human Advisor {R}
Whenever a +1/+1 counter is placed on a creature you control, creatures you control get +1/+1 until end of turn.
"You. Hero. Be sure to listen."
1/1
IIW: One-liners
[Clan Flamingo] Tier Archivist
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I was more thinking along the lines of Laboratory Maniac or Memnite-Grapeshot
[Clan Flamingo] Tier Archivist
[15:21] <@CC> Remember, if you argue, you are an idiot.
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I can't shake the feeling naming zero every time is an unintended side effect.
[Clan Flamingo] Tier Archivist
[15:21] <@CC> Remember, if you argue, you are an idiot.
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Instant {U}
Untap target creature and gain control of it until end of turn.
IIW: A small change makes a big difference.
@AA:
[Clan Flamingo] Tier Archivist
[15:21] <@CC> Remember, if you argue, you are an idiot.
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Legitimately missed that. All I saw was :words:.
Anyway, it's bad. A one-mana 0/2 defender won't be blocking much, and scry 1 is pretty negligible. People won't just blindly swing 1/1s into it and getting more than one block out of it is more trouble than it's worth.
[Clan Flamingo] Tier Archivist
[15:21] <@CC> Remember, if you argue, you are an idiot.
Untrophied Wins:
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Things that make me wary of this: Lightning Greaves. Also ew.
I like this a lot. Could/should probably be rare but I'm not 100% on that.
Less degenerate than Lapson's (in more than one way), but still too good to be a bear. Also this is blue, not black.
Aside: Would a creature dying set this off? I don't think it would but I may be wrong.
This is basically Hundred-Handed One. Don't be afraid of assigning "evil" to colors other than black either - there's no reason for white not to have villains or monsters, especially when it's a major theme.
I hope you realize how bad this is. If it only punished opponents it'd be pretty sweet.
Haha, this card is my jam. Up it to five mana and you got yourself a stew goin'.
Eye on the Prize has waaay too good a forecast. Soul Stare is fine.
Not sure what to make of this. My first thought is that it's Moonveil Dragon but much more restrictive. I suppose this is passable, if not that fantastic.
Yeah, I'm okay with that. Spy Network that trades some utility for scaling nicely.
You already had your chance.
Oh hey that's neat. Would make Mikaeus the Unhallowed absurd. I suppose it's fine being an artifact, seeing every color has some interactions like this.
That's a pretty minor drawback for what amounts to locking down the board pretty hard. Combine with Ensnaring Bridge or Meekstone for great :trolo:. Can we give this fading or something?
Can't decide how I feel about this. Seems like it'd be on the same level of griefy bombiness as Iona or Avacyn. Probably fine if you push it higher, like a 6/6 for 5WWU or something.
Winner: void_nothing, with HMs to CC and AI.
Next: Use someone else's guild revision from a couple challenges ago.
[Clan Flamingo] Tier Archivist
[15:21] <@CC> Remember, if you argue, you are an idiot.
Untrophied Wins:
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