So this guy walks into a bar (no, not into a bar, but opens the door and walks into the place) and sits up at the counter and orders a drink. All of a sudden, the bartender hears this ringing sound. He looks around, and next thing he knows, he sees the guy who walked in talking into his hand, like a telephone. When he's done, the bartender asks, "Hey man. What're you doing?".
The guy replies, "Oh, I'm sorry, but I have a phone integrated into my hand, and I had just gotten a call." .
The bartender replies, "OK OK, but this is a classy bar, and I can't have people talking into their hands. Could you please not do that here?".
The man agrees. A few minutes go by and the bartender hears this ringing again. Sure enough, the same man is talking into his hand again. Once he's done the bartender says "Hey, look, I told you already not to do that here. If you do it again, I'm gonna throw you out."
The man apologizes and says "A'right man, I gotta use the bathroom.".
A few minutes go by, and the bartender notices that the man hasn't come out yet. A few more minutes go by, and still nothing. Now the bartender is aggravated at this suspicious guy, and goes into the men's room and sees this guy standing inside an open stall with a roll of toilet paper up his butt. The bartender is furious and says, "OK buddy, you gotta get out NOW."
The guy replies, "Hang on, I'm receiving a fax...".
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pandaboy
I think it's funny how Indestructible Aura is neither indestructible nor an Aura.
Funny thing about this joke. My sister is blond. One of her friends told her this joke. She asked him each day for a week to explain it. Finally he tried. She is still convinced he's holding back the punch line. And that is no joke.
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The pirate jokes are all meant to be together like this:
What's a pirate's favorite movie rating?
Arrrrr.
What does a pirate use to get to work?
A carrrrr.
What's a pirate's favorite color?
Arrrrrange.
What's a pirate's favorite soda?
Sierra Mist.
It's just so refreshing!
Not great, but a little better.
The worst joke imo is the chicken crossing the road joke. It only works if you don't see it coming, but it's so overused/cliche that it's impossible not to.
And I'm assuming all these jokes have to have punch lines.
Alright, theres this girl at our school who's kind of... odd. She always voulnteeres to speak when a teacher asks, but she has like no sense of reality. Anyway, on a band trip a few weeks back, we were telling jokes, and she begins the following "joke":
Alright, so there's thie guy, and he walks into a soda bar - it has to be a soda bar, because there can't be alchohol, because alchohol is bad, right - and so he walks in, and theres this dog, I don't know what there was a dog in a soda bar, I mean, soda bars don't let dogs into them, right?, but there was a dog in there, I guess, and the guy sees the dog, and then the guy walks over and orders a Coca Cola, and then he takes a sip of the Coca Cola, and he looks at the dog, and the dog doesn't have any back legs, and so he takes another sip of his Coca Cola, and he looks at the dog, and the dog doesn't have any front legs, and so he looks at the guy with the dog - really, I don't know why the dog was in there at all - and so the guy asks the guy with the dog: "thats a nice dog", and the other guy was like: "thanks", and so he takes another sip of the Coca Cola, and he was like: "how long have you had that dog?", and the guy was like: "about nine years" - thats a really long time, dogs don't usually live that long - and so the guy takes another sip of the Coca Cola, and he says: "what's the dog's name?", and the other guy was like: "it doesn't have a name", and so the guy took another sip of the Coca Cola, and he's like: "why doesn't the dog have a name? You've had it for nine years," and the other guy was like: "it doesn't come when I call"... now you're supposed to laugh...
And that is just about the worst joke I've ever heard in my life.
Asking out a girl is like trying to cast a first turn Necropotence. Sometimes the other player will have the Force of Will to say no. You shouldn't let that stop you from trying it.
Someone may have posted this before, but it is a classic. A priest, an imam, and a rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says "What is this, a joke?"
Edt: I saw a variation of the one above earlier in the post, so I'll favor you with another.
mike and Bill go out camping. After a day they get sick of each other, so they decide to part ways for a few days and meet up the next day. Whwen they meet, Mike says "How did it go Bill?"
Bill says "Great. I found a river that emptied into a lake at the basis of a beautiful mountain rage. The view was amazing at sunset. How did it go for you?"
"Great. I came to a railroad track and found a woman tied up there. I untied her and we had sex in every way that you could imagine."
"Wow. Did she give you a BJ?"
"No. I couldn't find her head."
My apologies.
two nuns are sitting in the bathtub. One says, "Where's the soap?" and the second nun replies, "Yes, it is, isn't it."
Makes about as much sense as penguins.
This seems similar to the joke I think is the worst ever - worst because it is really mean to do to someone.
Basically you have to have a group of people - say 5 people, including you. You agree with 3 others to just laugh excessively at a joke you tell to the group, while acting like they've never heard it. It goes like this:
Two elephants are sitting in a bathtub. One says "please pass the soap" and the other says "no soap radio".
So everyone bursts out laughing, the 5th person inevitably starts laughing too, and while everyone is laughing, you ask if they get it. They say yes, and you ask them to explain it. And they can't.
At first I thought this was hilarious when my family did it to me, but we did it to one of my good friends from England and I felt horrible afterward. Use with caution!
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Why does P. Diddy carry umbrellas around?
Fo' Drizzle!
Why do asian people have skinny eyes?
Because when they're mom comes home they say "aww mom not rice again."
Sadly, I heard this stereotypical joke from a 14 year old.
Dam!
Actually We'd be canadian, haven't you seen South Park?
The librarian looks at him and says, "Sir, this is a library."
The Irish man apologizes and says in a whisper, "I'd like a Guinness please."
Yeah, now they're called FedUp
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The guy replies, "Oh, I'm sorry, but I have a phone integrated into my hand, and I had just gotten a call." .
The bartender replies, "OK OK, but this is a classy bar, and I can't have people talking into their hands. Could you please not do that here?".
The man agrees. A few minutes go by and the bartender hears this ringing again. Sure enough, the same man is talking into his hand again. Once he's done the bartender says "Hey, look, I told you already not to do that here. If you do it again, I'm gonna throw you out."
The man apologizes and says "A'right man, I gotta use the bathroom.".
A few minutes go by, and the bartender notices that the man hasn't come out yet. A few more minutes go by, and still nothing. Now the bartender is aggravated at this suspicious guy, and goes into the men's room and sees this guy standing inside an open stall with a roll of toilet paper up his butt. The bartender is furious and says, "OK buddy, you gotta get out NOW."
The guy replies, "Hang on, I'm receiving a fax...".
I think it's funny how Indestructible Aura is neither indestructible nor an Aura.
Guy B: and how smell?¿
Guy a: horrible
Monty python!
..I'll tell you tomorrow.
Funny thing about this joke. My sister is blond. One of her friends told her this joke. She asked him each day for a week to explain it. Finally he tried. She is still convinced he's holding back the punch line. And that is no joke.
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All my Decks.
What's a pirate's favorite movie rating?
Arrrrr.
A carrrrr.
Arrrrrange.
Sierra Mist.
It's just so refreshing!
The worst joke imo is the chicken crossing the road joke. It only works if you don't see it coming, but it's so overused/cliche that it's impossible not to.
And I'm assuming all these jokes have to have punch lines.
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Saprolings burn better if you use fireballs.
The Cakes is no lie. How do i know? I have eatens it.
The truly sick and twisted people are the ones who won't admit it.
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Saprolings burn better if you use fireballs.
The Cakes is no lie. How do i know? I have eatens it.
The truly sick and twisted people are the ones who won't admit it.
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Saprolings burn better if you use fireballs.
The Cakes is no lie. How do i know? I have eatens it.
The truly sick and twisted people are the ones who won't admit it.
The third one ducks.
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They just Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Why are there no Jewish Eskimos?
Edt: I saw a variation of the one above earlier in the post, so I'll favor you with another.
mike and Bill go out camping. After a day they get sick of each other, so they decide to part ways for a few days and meet up the next day. Whwen they meet, Mike says "How did it go Bill?"
Bill says "Great. I found a river that emptied into a lake at the basis of a beautiful mountain rage. The view was amazing at sunset. How did it go for you?"
"Great. I came to a railroad track and found a woman tied up there. I untied her and we had sex in every way that you could imagine."
"Wow. Did she give you a BJ?"
"No. I couldn't find her head."
My apologies.
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Trade with me http://forums.mtgsalvation.com/showthread.php?t=101483&highlight=" rel="nofollow"here.
This seems similar to the joke I think is the worst ever - worst because it is really mean to do to someone.
Basically you have to have a group of people - say 5 people, including you. You agree with 3 others to just laugh excessively at a joke you tell to the group, while acting like they've never heard it. It goes like this:
Two elephants are sitting in a bathtub. One says "please pass the soap" and the other says "no soap radio".
So everyone bursts out laughing, the 5th person inevitably starts laughing too, and while everyone is laughing, you ask if they get it. They say yes, and you ask them to explain it. And they can't.
At first I thought this was hilarious when my family did it to me, but we did it to one of my good friends from England and I felt horrible afterward. Use with caution!
"dam"
thanks to spideyhttp://forums.mtgsalvation.com/showthread.php?t=91142
This is America, where a lying, cheating degenerate can prosper.
Fo' Drizzle!
Why do asian people have skinny eyes?
Because when they're mom comes home they say "aww mom not rice again."
Sadly, I heard this stereotypical joke from a 14 year old.
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