-When Jon Finkel got laid, the universe was created(there's a joke in there.. trust me)
-When Jon Finkel saw the Shadowmoor previews for Q, he was confused, because Jon Finkel doesn't need to tap cards to win. His opponents just scoop in fear.
-Jon Finkel can't be the target of spells or abilities.
-Jon Finkel doesn't have double strike, because that would be redundant.
-Jon Finkel always plays first, because no matter how lucky you are, you will never beat Jon Finkel.
-Jon Finkel never gets color screwed, because he is smart and only plays blue.
-In 3 years Wizards will release another Time Spiralish block, which will feature a blue ***. It will be called "Wrath of Jon Finkel".
Everything scares me... kitties scare me... squirrels scare me... corpses....corpses bring forth a pletora of confusing feeling which i prefer not to dwell on...:p
It is speculated that Jon Finkel once shook hands with Chuck Norris. This theory is known as "The Big Bang."
I see the joke Tarmogoyf was alluding to. If one assumes that the universe was created during the big bang and also that the universe was created once, then the occasion where Jon Finkel got laid was the same occasion when Jon Finkel shook hands with Chuck Norris. Maybe Norris was just greeting Finkel while they were in a threesome, or maybe Norris was just a spectator and wished to congratulate Finkel on a job well done, but I think the real solution is obvious. This would imply that Chuck Norris is gay, but we all know he's not (see Chuck Norris facts) so if the Internet is to be believed then this must be true:
Chuck Norris once jerked an other man off in a completely heterosexual way. Straight as an arrow he is.
As a corollary statement, if the universe contains blue mana we get a disgusting result:
Blue mana was created when Jon Finkel got a hand job from a dude.
This is why you can't apply logic to Finkel facts.
I think this harks back to the old philosophical question of the omnipotence paradox: "Can an omnipotent being make a rock so heavy that even he could not lift it?"
Could Jon Finkel beat Jon Finkel playing the Rock?
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- Jon Finkel Facts: (follow the link at left to see more Facts, or add more Facts!)
- Chuck Norris counted to infinity twice—because he was trying to count how much damage Jon Finkel deals in an average game.
- Jon Finkel believes in maintaining a healthy, balanced diet. He gets all his fiber from eating Magic cards for breakfast, and all his protein from eating Magic players for lunch.
I think this harks back to the old philosophical question of the omnipotence paradox: "Can an omnipotent being make a rock so heavy that even he could not lift it?"
Could Jon Finkel beat Jon Finkel playing the Rock?
Of course! The True Finkel will be playing...BLUE!
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Quote from Scott Adams »
Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs.
This is the principle behind lotteries, dating, and religion
Quote from *sigh...* *dreamy smile* »
She's a two-faced ****rag ***** bucket with NO grasp on reality or objectivity let alone sincerity or humanity!!! She FEEDS on drama, all day every day, like a ****ing prostitute feeds on STDs--- in much the same way, mind you...
Anakin skywalker was once Jon Finkel's Padawan learner. The story was changed when anakin was put into the witness protection program.
Obi-Wan once came to Finkel for advice as an apprentice jedi. Jon topdecked a lightning Helix and won, using only two blue mana. He then turned to obi-wan and said "use the force"
Basketball stars want to be like Mike. Magic players want to be like Jon.
Babe Ruth once called a now legendary home run. Jon Finkel always calls a legendary topdeck.
Jon once turned a staff into a snake and parted the red sea. His name was changed to Moses.
Jon once won a pro tour...using a deck with 60 islands
The angel Gabriel appeared to Richard Garfield during the early nineties, and told him that a great man would one day walk this earth, but to attain his great status, he would need Garfield's help. So Richard created Magic: The Gathering, and Jon Finkel now has the following and support he needs to overthrow the Anti-Christ when he rises up and tries to take over the world.
Jon Finkel has: Dredge X (X is the number of cards in his Library).
Jon Finkel can Terror a Merit Lage token... and kill it.
JF Turn 1: Forest, Birds of Paradise, Go.
Opponent Turn 1: Draw, Scoop
Only because we know what Jon can do with :symu:... Imagine what he could do to you with :symg:...
Why does Jon Finkel only play :symu:? Because the other colors are too afraid to fail.
When the Kithkin heard that Jon Finkel was drafting them they knew they HAD to win... their lives depended on it.
Jon Finkel has: :symtap:,:?mana:: Destroy target opponent. They can't be regenerated. (This ability doesn't use the stack and cannot be countered).
Jon Finkel can attack with a Birds of Paradise and do damage... on Turn 1.
Gleemax is Jon Finkel's alias.
Jon Finkel can build a mono Burn deck... and win a PT.
- Jon Finkel once played a game of Magic against Chuck Norris. Jon was at 3 life and Chuck cast Lightning Bolt. Jon tapped two Islands and said, "No." He said this not because he had a Counterspell in hand, but because the very words of Jon Finkel can cause spells to fizzle. He proceeded to manaburn for 2 and win the game.
When Jon Finkel plays against black lotus it adds mana to his mana pool. He then proceeds to play channel in spite of what mana was added to his pool, all the while maintaining his life total. He then randomly adds red mana to his mana pool and casts fireball targeting his opponent even when it's their turn for 20 damage. And all this happens regardless of what cards are actually in his deck. Thus the internet meme was born "Never play Black lotus against Jon Finkel." This was also a lesson that Richard Garfield had to learn the hard way.
John Finkel once had a growth removed from his back. That growth is now known as Tarmogoyf aka "The Growth that Keeps on Growing."
John Finkel once constructed a deck that consisted of only Chimney Imp, Squire and 58 copies of Forest. He went on to win the Pro Tour.
The original flavor text of Lhurgoyf was "Ach! Hans, Run! It's Jon Finkel" but the creative department decided that didn't make sense, because if Jon Finkel was after somebody, they would be dead long before they could speak those words.
I just realized. Mycoloth perfectly demonstrates the devour mechanic.
Mycoloth: NOMNOMNOM on Dragon Fodder.
One turn later, 1/1 turds come out.
Quote from kalkris »
btw i did it because i could. i was bored and decided to let my little med-free spree go ahead. I am bipolar, explaining all the drama that ensued after. I have problems.
Quote from ShadowWaveInc. »
Jon Finkel can simply walk into Mordor.
"When an artist dies the world loses two lives, that of the artist and that of his unfinished work."
In some places, "lucksacking" is simply called "Finkeling."
In 2006, Jon Finkel constructed the Vintage "Project Finkel" deck. He then found the Ark of the Covenant, and placed the deck in it, so that Magic would still be a viable game.
The art of Force of Will is an Artist's Depiction of what happened when someone tried to Lightning Bolt Jon Finkel on his 14th birthday.
Suspend was invented when someone tried to counter Jon Finkel's spell.
Trample was invented when someone tried to chump-block Jon Finkel's Force of Nature.
Jon Finkel's original Invitational Card submission was 'Harbringer of You Lose.'
Cycling was invented when Jon Finkel missed a topdeck.
Once, Jon Finkel's opponent thought that he scooped, in reality, he was inventing the Sweep keyword.
Wrath of God destroys all creatures. Wrath of Jon Finkel destroys all players.
(But Jon Finkel is, of course, indestructible.)
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Level 3 Magic Judge
Do you know any judges who always impress you with their work ethic, knowledge, or attitude? Nominate them to be the next Judge of the Week!
Chuck Norris built the house he was born in-Oh, wait.
Sorry, wrong thread.
John Finkel built the house he was born in.
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Hey kids! Don't like rules? Tired of having your lulz censored by terrible, terrible people called "moderators"? Big fan of metal? Check out Metaln☺☺☺☺! This is probably the worst possible forum to advertise it on!
Added bonus: we're holding a songwriting contest in march with a registry drive going on right now! Check it out, plus the opportunity to earn $50!
-Jon Finkel once lost a game...
-When Jon Finkel got laid, the universe was created(there's a joke in there.. trust me)
-When Jon Finkel saw the Shadowmoor previews for Q, he was confused, because Jon Finkel doesn't need to tap cards to win. His opponents just scoop in fear.
-Jon Finkel can't be the target of spells or abilities.
-Jon Finkel doesn't have double strike, because that would be redundant.
-Jon Finkel always plays first, because no matter how lucky you are, you will never beat Jon Finkel.
-Jon Finkel never gets color screwed, because he is smart and only plays blue.
-In 3 years Wizards will release another Time Spiralish block, which will feature a blue ***. It will be called "Wrath of Jon Finkel".
I might come back with more lol, this is fun.
techoverrated.{Magic: The RPG}
I see the joke Tarmogoyf was alluding to. If one assumes that the universe was created during the big bang and also that the universe was created once, then the occasion where Jon Finkel got laid was the same occasion when Jon Finkel shook hands with Chuck Norris. Maybe Norris was just greeting Finkel while they were in a threesome, or maybe Norris was just a spectator and wished to congratulate Finkel on a job well done, but I think the real solution is obvious. This would imply that Chuck Norris is gay, but we all know he's not (see Chuck Norris facts) so if the Internet is to be believed then this must be true:
As a corollary statement, if the universe contains blue mana we get a disgusting result:
... and blue mana came out his ragged veins, which countered his own attempt to off himself and shows that even Jon Finkel can't beat Jon Finkel.
Jon Finkel's blocking creatures deal trample damage.
Lol, "Ragged Veins". (Cardtagged for you!)
I think this harks back to the old philosophical question of the omnipotence paradox: "Can an omnipotent being make a rock so heavy that even he could not lift it?"
Could Jon Finkel beat Jon Finkel playing the Rock?
- Jon Finkel believes in maintaining a healthy, balanced diet. He gets all his fiber from eating Magic cards for breakfast, and all his protein from eating Magic players for lunch.
Of course! The True Finkel will be playing...BLUE!
Avatar courtesy of the wondermous Lord Tirian.
Obi-Wan once came to Finkel for advice as an apprentice jedi. Jon topdecked a lightning Helix and won, using only two blue mana. He then turned to obi-wan and said "use the force"
Basketball stars want to be like Mike. Magic players want to be like Jon.
Babe Ruth once called a now legendary home run. Jon Finkel always calls a legendary topdeck.
Jon once turned a staff into a snake and parted the red sea. His name was changed to Moses.
Jon once won a pro tour...using a deck with 60 islands
The angel Gabriel appeared to Richard Garfield during the early nineties, and told him that a great man would one day walk this earth, but to attain his great status, he would need Garfield's help. So Richard created Magic: The Gathering, and Jon Finkel now has the following and support he needs to overthrow the Anti-Christ when he rises up and tries to take over the world.
I have come to spread the gospel of Cockatrice, the best free source for online play.
------------
In Phyrexia, Black will do anything to be broken in Vintage.
Jon Finkel can Terror a Merit Lage token... and kill it.
JF Turn 1: Forest, Birds of Paradise, Go.
Opponent Turn 1: Draw, Scoop
Only because we know what Jon can do with :symu:... Imagine what he could do to you with :symg:...
Why does Jon Finkel only play :symu:? Because the other colors are too afraid to fail.
When the Kithkin heard that Jon Finkel was drafting them they knew they HAD to win... their lives depended on it.
Jon Finkel has: :symtap:,:?mana:: Destroy target opponent. They can't be regenerated. (This ability doesn't use the stack and cannot be countered).
Jon Finkel can attack with a Birds of Paradise and do damage... on Turn 1.
Gleemax is Jon Finkel's alias.
Jon Finkel can build a mono
:symu::symw:-Millfolk (14-6)
:symr::symu::symb::symg::symw:-Elementals (25-3)
T2: :symg::symb:-Elves (45-15)
T1.X: :symu::symb::symg::symw::symr:-Dredge (40-1)
Vintage/Legacy: NEVER!! (0-0)
T4: Mono :symu:/Artifact-Gleemax Control (36-0)
2HG Constructed: :symu::symb:-Control (15-5)
W
U
B
R
G
John Finkel once constructed a deck that consisted of only Chimney Imp, Squire and 58 copies of Forest. He went on to win the Pro Tour.
The original flavor text of Lhurgoyf was "Ach! Hans, Run! It's Jon Finkel" but the creative department decided that didn't make sense, because if Jon Finkel was after somebody, they would be dead long before they could speak those words.
In 2006, Jon Finkel constructed the Vintage "Project Finkel" deck. He then found the Ark of the Covenant, and placed the deck in it, so that Magic would still be a viable game.
The art of Force of Will is an Artist's Depiction of what happened when someone tried to Lightning Bolt Jon Finkel on his 14th birthday.
Suspend was invented when someone tried to counter Jon Finkel's spell.
Trample was invented when someone tried to chump-block Jon Finkel's Force of Nature.
Jon Finkel's original Invitational Card submission was 'Harbringer of You Lose.'
Cycling was invented when Jon Finkel missed a topdeck.
Once, Jon Finkel's opponent thought that he scooped, in reality, he was inventing the Sweep keyword.
Mad props to Spiderboy at HighLight for the sig!
Check out my drafting vids at MTGOvideos!
Click the link and despair. It may take a while for it to sink in, but trust me you will despair.
Jon Finkel invented The Rock after successfully sweeping an invitational with both The Scissors™ and The Paper™ in the same tournament.
Your sideboard is simply composed of cards waiting in line to be destroyed by Jon Finkel.
Jon Finkel once dared his opponent to counter his Morphling. When he did, Jon Finkel ate his pet goldfish. Thus, the term "goldfishing" was invented.
Ruin's Trading Post
Finkel doesn't shuffle. He causes the cards to mill about in panic.
Generation 9000: This is a social expiriment. When you see this, copy and paste it in your sig +1.
Wrath of God destroys all creatures. Wrath of Jon Finkel destroys all players.
(But Jon Finkel is, of course, indestructible.)
Do you know any judges who always impress you with their work ethic, knowledge, or attitude? Nominate them to be the next Judge of the Week!
The card art for Kitchen Finks is an artist's rendering of this event.
Sorry, wrong thread.
John Finkel built the house he was born in.
Added bonus: we're holding a songwriting contest in march with a registry drive going on right now! Check it out, plus the opportunity to earn $50!