-You can’t beat Jon Finkel-you can only lose less. And even then, it’s iffy.
-It is a little known fact that any deck list you see that is credited to Jon Finkel is not actually a deck that he has ever used. If you saw what he actually won with, your head would explode.
-The opening of the Ark at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark is actually a dramatic reenactment of an average Jon Finkel game of Magic.
-The indestructible mechanic was inspired by Jon Finkel.
-Once, a young up-and-comer was trying to steal card ideas from the Wizard’s archive when Jon Finkel caught him and “accidentally” shoved him into a vat of chemicals. The result was Mark Rosewater.
-[Removed. Sorry!]
-The federal government once tried to control Jon Finkel’s Magic skills through regulation. The result was the Great Depression.
-In the interest of keeping things interesting, Jon Finkel has yet to reveal his most devastating deck to date: Epic Struggle-Chance Encounter combo.
Momir Basic was created to give all players a better chance against Jon Finkel. What they failed to realize is that the randomizer is too afraid of Jon Finkel to give him anything other than what he wants.
Just like Chuck Norris facts these thing start to blend together at some point. I think there are at most a half dozen original ones here.
D'oh! My apologies. I even read over this thread again to make sure that I wasn't copying anybody, but I guess that one didn't register when I put it in. I'll edit that one out.
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Quote from releasethedogs »
also listen to yodafan he knows whats hes talking about
Quote from Penumbra Leprechaun »
Yeah, Yodafan's pretty much a EDH pro.
Yodafan: Official pro of one of Magic’s most casual formats.
Jon Finkel has "Roundhouse kick: Counter target spell or ability."
Point of order, Jon Finkel is not Chuck Norris. Finkel is known for being a good magic player and not a martial artist. He has never roundhouse kicked anybody. Ever.
Point of order, Jon Finkel is not Chuck Norris. Finkel is known for being a good magic player and not a martial artist. He has never roundhouse kicked anybody. Ever.
But he did make Chuck Norris cry (and in the mean time, cured cancer). True story.
Some of you may have been in shock since we invaded Canada and Mexico, but fear not, it was for a good cause. Now that we conrol North America, we produce an extra 5 armies a turn.^_^
Point of order, Jon Finkel is not Chuck Norris. Finkel is known for being a good magic player and not a martial artist. He has never roundhouse kicked anybody. Ever.
you don't know Jon Finkel obviously.
Jon Finkel eats roundhouse kix for breakfast.
don't rag on me cuz you can't handle my humorosity!!
What's obvious is that you're not being funny. Humor is not just repeating things without understanding them. You have to know that Chuck Norris is famous for martial arts movies, and his trademark is a roundhouse kick. That is why the CN facts involve roundhouse kicks as much as they do. You can't not know this.
But this isn't about Chuck Norris. You can't just turn CN facts into JF facts without adapting them in some way. Let me demonstrate. I've decided to use this CN fact:
Let's review, Chuck Norris is good at martial arts, but punching a man in the soul is physically impossible. Now to translate this to magic we can make Jon Finkel do something relating to Magic that goes into the realm of the impossible.
Jon Finkel once Unsummoned his opponent back to God's hand.
My point here is that you can turn any Chuck fact into a Finkel fact, but you need to do something to it. Just repeating them and changing the name isn't humorosity.
...you know, there needs to be a Bush version of Godwin's Law.
Jon Finkel once dealt over twenty thousand damage to his opponent in a single turn. This doesn't seem all that impressive unless you consider that the opponent had him under a Mindslaver.
Jon Finkel once went 8-0 in a tournament using a deck of zero cards.
Jon Finkel can target mana abilities. With Incinerates.
...you know, there needs to be a Bush version of Godwin's Law.
Jon Finkel once dealt over twenty thousand damage to his opponent in a single turn. This doesn't seem all that impressive unless you consider that the opponent had him under a Mindslaver.
Jon Finkel once went 8-0 in a tournament using a deck of zero cards.
Jon Finkel can target mana abilities. With Incinerates.
You win on four counts here, quite impressive considering you only gave three Finkel facts. The second fact was kind of meh but you made up for it in spades because of your opening statement about Godwin's Law.
In response to Jesus Christ walking on the Sea of Galilee, Jon Finkel played a Rite of Flame with one in the 'yard, followed by a Boil. That was edited out of the gospels, but John of Patmos made it up to his good friend by including Finkel in his Revelation. As the Seven-Headed Beast.
Jon finkel once played a game of magic with Chuck Norris. When Finkel cast his card, Chuck tapped his two islands, and said no. Unfortunately, nothing happened. He said the word once more, and found that that his words were ineffective against Finkel's spells. Upon realizing this, he conceded.
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Slaughtering elves with a grin on meh face since 2004.
Quote from RunnerJimbob »
Chrome Homura is an intelligent guy. Stands up for Fulminator Mage and doesn't afraid of anything.
Jon Finkel has "Roundhouse kick: Counter target spell or ability."
okay, i just read a bit back on this page and i feel the need to defend myself and my joke a little here.
i did not simply "retread an old Chuck Norris joke." i took two words that are associated to Chuck Norris ("roundhouse kick") and inserted them into an otherwise completely new Jon Finkel joke. my main joke is somebody countering a spell with a dramatic physical action that is inherent to them and not printed on a card, and my referencing the original Norris premise in my joke by making the physical action a "roundhouse kick" is called "meta-humor." it is humor for smart people. i am smart. i'm sorry if you're not.
Metahumor is context dependent, and the JF fact in question wasn't different from the others that were already up. Then again it's not like you're the only person who's repeating the same facts right back. The sum of all good facts past the first post would be less than the size of that post, and would probably include nothing form either of us.
i'm not repeating anything. scour this thread and the Chuck Norris thread and find me one other instance of CN or JF countering a spell with a physical action. deal with it: my joke is original. i'll leave whether it's funny up to people with a sense of humor, which you seem to lack.
-It is a little known fact that any deck list you see that is credited to Jon Finkel is not actually a deck that he has ever used. If you saw what he actually won with, your head would explode.
-The opening of the Ark at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark is actually a dramatic reenactment of an average Jon Finkel game of Magic.
-The indestructible mechanic was inspired by Jon Finkel.
-Once, a young up-and-comer was trying to steal card ideas from the Wizard’s archive when Jon Finkel caught him and “accidentally” shoved him into a vat of chemicals. The result was Mark Rosewater.
-[Removed. Sorry!]
-The federal government once tried to control Jon Finkel’s Magic skills through regulation. The result was the Great Depression.
-In the interest of keeping things interesting, Jon Finkel has yet to reveal his most devastating deck to date: Epic Struggle-Chance Encounter combo.
Yodafan: Official pro of one of Magic’s most casual formats.
That sound familiar, let me see...
Just like Chuck Norris facts these thing start to blend together at some point. I think there are at most a half dozen original ones here.
D'oh! My apologies. I even read over this thread again to make sure that I wasn't copying anybody, but I guess that one didn't register when I put it in. I'll edit that one out.
Yodafan: Official pro of one of Magic’s most casual formats.
god, chuck norris jokes are old...
Trade thread!
http://forums.mtgsalvation.com/showthread.php?t=556274
or
http://darjarri.com
you know what's old? nerds trolling nerds, ya uber-nerd!
When Jon Finkel was a boy, he did not have a teddy bear. He played with a Darksteel Colossus.
Point of order, Jon Finkel is not Chuck Norris. Finkel is known for being a good magic player and not a martial artist. He has never roundhouse kicked anybody. Ever.
But he did make Chuck Norris cry (and in the mean time, cured cancer). True story.
you don't know Jon Finkel obviously.
Jon Finkel eats roundhouse kix for breakfast.
don't rag on me cuz you can't handle my humorosity!!
But this isn't about Chuck Norris. You can't just turn CN facts into JF facts without adapting them in some way. Let me demonstrate. I've decided to use this CN fact:
Let's review, Chuck Norris is good at martial arts, but punching a man in the soul is physically impossible. Now to translate this to magic we can make Jon Finkel do something relating to Magic that goes into the realm of the impossible.
Jon Finkel once Unsummoned his opponent back to God's hand.
My point here is that you can turn any Chuck fact into a Finkel fact, but you need to do something to it. Just repeating them and changing the name isn't humorosity.
Jon Finkel once dealt over twenty thousand damage to his opponent in a single turn. This doesn't seem all that impressive unless you consider that the opponent had him under a Mindslaver.
Jon Finkel once went 8-0 in a tournament using a deck of zero cards.
Jon Finkel can target mana abilities. With Incinerates.
- Jon Finkel doesn't draw. He tutors. Every turn.
- In order to control illegal immigration into the United States, the President asked Jon Finkel to declare blockers.
I lawl'd at those ones.
EDIT: Also...
John Finkel doesn't play Wrath of God. He is the Wrath of God.
You win on four counts here, quite impressive considering you only gave three Finkel facts. The second fact was kind of meh but you made up for it in spades because of your opening statement about Godwin's Law.
Dude, Chuck Norris jokes are the epitome of OLD. Those jokes are from my time in like, fourth grade. Seriously. Grow up..
Trade thread!
http://forums.mtgsalvation.com/showthread.php?t=556274
or
http://darjarri.com
And that, children, is where we get Cleanse from.
I̟̥͍̠ͅn̩͉̣͍̬͚ͅ ̬̬͖t̯̹̞̺͖͓̯̤h̘͍̬e͙̯͈̖̼̮ ̭̬f̺̲̲̪i͙͉̟̩̰r̪̝͚͈̝̥͍̝̲s̼̻͇̘̳͔ͅt̲̺̳̗̜̪̙ ̳̺̥̻͚̗ͅm̜̜̟̰͈͓͎͇o̝̖̮̝͇m̯̻̞̼̫̗͓̤e̩̯̬̮̩n͎̱̪̲̹͖t͇̖s̰̮ͅ,̤̲͙̻̭̻̯̹̰ ̖t̫̙̺̯͖͚̯ͅh͙̯̦̳̗̰̟e͖̪͉̼̯ ̪͕g̞̣͔a̗̦t̬̬͓͙̫̖̭̻e̩̻̯ ̜̖̦̖̤̭͙̬t̞̹̥̪͎͉ͅo͕͚͍͇̲͇͓̺ ̭̬͙͈̣̻t͈͍͙͓̫̖͙̩h̪̬̖̙e̗͈ ̗̬̟̞̺̤͉̯ͅa̦̯͚̙̜̮f͉͙̲̣̞̼t̪̤̞̣͚e̲͉̳̥r͇̪̙͚͓l̥̞̞͎̹̯̹ͅi͓̬f̮̥̬̞͈ͅe͎ ̟̩̤̳̠̯̩̯o̮̘̲p̟͚̣̞͉͓e͍̩̣n͔̼͕͚̜e̬̱d̼̘͎̖̹͍̮̠,͖̺̭̱̮ ̣̲͖̬̪̭̥a̪͚n̟̲̝̤̤̞̗d̘̱̗͇̮͕̳͕͔ ͖̞͉͎t̹̙͎h̰̱͉̗e̪̞̱̝̹̩ͅ ̠̱̩̭̦p̯̙e͓o̳͚̰̯̺̱̰͔̘p̬͎̱̣̼̩͇l̗̟̖͚̠e̱͉͔̱̦̬̟̙ ̖͚̪͔̼̦w̺̖̤̱e͖̗̻̦͓̖̘̜r̭̥e͔̹̫̱͕̦̰͕ ̗͔̠p̠̗͍͍̱̳̠r̰͔͎̰o͉̥͓̰͚̥s̟͚̹̱͔̣t͉̙̳̖͖̪̮r̥̘̥͙̹a͉̟̫̟̳̠̟̭t͈̜̰͈͎e̞̣̭̲̬ ͚̗̯̟͙i͍͖̰̘̦͖͉ṇ̮̻̯̦̲̩͍ ̦̮͚̫̤t͉͖̫͕ͅͅh͙̮̻̘̣̮̼e͕̺ ͙l͕̠͎̰̥i̲͓͉̲g̫̳̟͈͇̖h̠̦̖t͓̯͎̗ ̳̪̘̟̙̩̦o̫̲f̙͔̰̙̠ ̹̪̗͇̯t͖̼̼͉͖̬h̹͇̩e͚̖̺̤͉̹͕̪ ͚͓̭̝̺G͎̗̯̩o̫̯̮̟̮̳̘d̜̲͙̠-̩̳̯̲̗̜P̹̘̥͉̝h͍͈̗̖̝ͅa͍̗̮̼̗r̜̖͇̙̺a̭̺͔̞̳͈o̪̣͓̯̬͙̯̰̗h̖̦͈̥̯͔.͇̣̙̝
Osyp Lebedowicz, and I think the picture helps.
That link's broken. This one works.
In response to Jesus Christ walking on the Sea of Galilee, Jon Finkel played a Rite of Flame with one in the 'yard, followed by a Boil. That was edited out of the gospels, but John of Patmos made it up to his good friend by including Finkel in his Revelation. As the Seven-Headed Beast.
I̟̥͍̠ͅn̩͉̣͍̬͚ͅ ̬̬͖t̯̹̞̺͖͓̯̤h̘͍̬e͙̯͈̖̼̮ ̭̬f̺̲̲̪i͙͉̟̩̰r̪̝͚͈̝̥͍̝̲s̼̻͇̘̳͔ͅt̲̺̳̗̜̪̙ ̳̺̥̻͚̗ͅm̜̜̟̰͈͓͎͇o̝̖̮̝͇m̯̻̞̼̫̗͓̤e̩̯̬̮̩n͎̱̪̲̹͖t͇̖s̰̮ͅ,̤̲͙̻̭̻̯̹̰ ̖t̫̙̺̯͖͚̯ͅh͙̯̦̳̗̰̟e͖̪͉̼̯ ̪͕g̞̣͔a̗̦t̬̬͓͙̫̖̭̻e̩̻̯ ̜̖̦̖̤̭͙̬t̞̹̥̪͎͉ͅo͕͚͍͇̲͇͓̺ ̭̬͙͈̣̻t͈͍͙͓̫̖͙̩h̪̬̖̙e̗͈ ̗̬̟̞̺̤͉̯ͅa̦̯͚̙̜̮f͉͙̲̣̞̼t̪̤̞̣͚e̲͉̳̥r͇̪̙͚͓l̥̞̞͎̹̯̹ͅi͓̬f̮̥̬̞͈ͅe͎ ̟̩̤̳̠̯̩̯o̮̘̲p̟͚̣̞͉͓e͍̩̣n͔̼͕͚̜e̬̱d̼̘͎̖̹͍̮̠,͖̺̭̱̮ ̣̲͖̬̪̭̥a̪͚n̟̲̝̤̤̞̗d̘̱̗͇̮͕̳͕͔ ͖̞͉͎t̹̙͎h̰̱͉̗e̪̞̱̝̹̩ͅ ̠̱̩̭̦p̯̙e͓o̳͚̰̯̺̱̰͔̘p̬͎̱̣̼̩͇l̗̟̖͚̠e̱͉͔̱̦̬̟̙ ̖͚̪͔̼̦w̺̖̤̱e͖̗̻̦͓̖̘̜r̭̥e͔̹̫̱͕̦̰͕ ̗͔̠p̠̗͍͍̱̳̠r̰͔͎̰o͉̥͓̰͚̥s̟͚̹̱͔̣t͉̙̳̖͖̪̮r̥̘̥͙̹a͉̟̫̟̳̠̟̭t͈̜̰͈͎e̞̣̭̲̬ ͚̗̯̟͙i͍͖̰̘̦͖͉ṇ̮̻̯̦̲̩͍ ̦̮͚̫̤t͉͖̫͕ͅͅh͙̮̻̘̣̮̼e͕̺ ͙l͕̠͎̰̥i̲͓͉̲g̫̳̟͈͇̖h̠̦̖t͓̯͎̗ ̳̪̘̟̙̩̦o̫̲f̙͔̰̙̠ ̹̪̗͇̯t͖̼̼͉͖̬h̹͇̩e͚̖̺̤͉̹͕̪ ͚͓̭̝̺G͎̗̯̩o̫̯̮̟̮̳̘d̜̲͙̠-̩̳̯̲̗̜P̹̘̥͉̝h͍͈̗̖̝ͅa͍̗̮̼̗r̜̖͇̙̺a̭̺͔̞̳͈o̪̣͓̯̬͙̯̰̗h̖̦͈̥̯͔.͇̣̙̝
okay, i just read a bit back on this page and i feel the need to defend myself and my joke a little here.
i did not simply "retread an old Chuck Norris joke." i took two words that are associated to Chuck Norris ("roundhouse kick") and inserted them into an otherwise completely new Jon Finkel joke. my main joke is somebody countering a spell with a dramatic physical action that is inherent to them and not printed on a card, and my referencing the original Norris premise in my joke by making the physical action a "roundhouse kick" is called "meta-humor." it is humor for smart people. i am smart. i'm sorry if you're not.
Internet. Serious business...