Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked the Movie Spiderman 3 then there he was on the movie, having Spiderman as the villain
Chuck Norris build a deck that always won. Its just that his opponents are afraid to be roundhouse kicked to death.
Chuck Norris Never won the movie awards. They said that all they saw chuck norris was doing in his movies was swirling his leg to destroy his opponent. They didnt call it roundhouse kick so that they will never make an award out of it.
Chuck Norris Once spammed the mtgsalvation forums
Chuck Norris once flamed the mtgsalvation forums
Chuck Norris was banned at the mtgsalvation forums
And after that, Chuck Norris got his own thread in the humor forums.
Many men are lucky if they kill 2 birds with one stone. Chuck Norris can kill 4 birds with a half of a stone. What? there is no such thing as a half of a stone?.....thats what the birds said.
When Chuck Norris wants popcorn he just breaths on Nebraska.
Scientists have just found out that there is one thing which can defeat a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris...
A stare from Christopher Walken
What Cristopher Walken does not realize, that Chuck Norris broke the nick of time and traveled back in time to roundhouse kick Walken when he was a baby.
During the beginning of Magic Chuck Norris was best friends with Richard Garfield. He then proceeded to convince Richy (as Chuck Norris called him) that the P9 was balanced.
Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.
Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the **** he wants.
Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.
Chuck Norris was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.
Once, while having sex in a tractor-trailer, part of Chuck Norris' sperm escaped and got into the engine. We now know this truck as Optimus Prime.
If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Chuck Norris?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."
Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
Chuck Norris doesn't pop his collar, his shirts just get erections when they touch his body.
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take **** from anyone.
Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.
Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's ****ing beef.
Chuck Norris doesn't have hair on his testicles, because hair does not grow on steel.
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris
If you play Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven" backwards, you will hear Chuck Norris banging your sister.
Chuck Norris secretly sleeps with every woman in the world once a month.
They bleed for a week as a result.
Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
Chuck Norris has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear pants. Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
The best part of waking up is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep.
Chuck Norris is always on top during sex because Chuck Norris never ****s up.
A rogue squirrel once challenged Chuck Norris to a nut hunt around the park. Before beginning, Chuck simply dropped his pants, instantly killing the squirrel and 3 small children. Chuck knows you can't find bigger, better nuts than that.
Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
Chuck Norris never retreats, he just attacks in the opposite direction.
Chuck Norris once punched a man in the soul.
Chuck Norris keeps his ID on the bottom of his right foot. Nobody ever asks him for his ID.
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
Chuck Norris can create a rock so heavy that even he can't lift it. And then he lifts it anyways, just to show you who the **** Chuck Norris is.
Private Mod Note
():
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Scott Adams... Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. This is the principle behind lotteries, dating, and religion
Chuck Norris once ate calamari. That night, he crapped out Cthulhu.
The phenomena known as black holes are caused by Chuck Norris roundhouse kicking neutron stars.
Chuck Norris can down a plate of uranium-243 and wash it down with a tall glass of mercury with no noticeable effects, given that he normally sets off Geiger counters and his veins tell the temperature in farenheit and celsius.
Chuck Norris's friend G. Gary Gygax included him in Dungeons and Dragons. As an inside joke, the Chuck Norris monster uses Gygax's nickname for him - Tarrasque.
just thought of this one:
chuck norris once tried to eat the devil while the devil tried to eat chuck norris,
the result is yin and yang, the white one is chuck.
i dont get it either...
Private Mod Note
():
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
"No wonder those gruul dirtbags follow him, the only orders he gives are "Crush them!" and "We eat!"."
Teysa - Orzhov scion
"the golgari raise their dead to serve, we raise our dead to lead."
"There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live." Upon hearing this, Chuck replied:
It's funny. It's cute. But here's what I really think about the theory of evolution: It's not real. It is not the way we got here. In fact, the life you see on this planet is really just a list of creatures God has allowed to live. We are not creations of random chance. We are not accidents. There is a God, a Creator, who made you and me. We were made in His image, which separates us from all other creatures. By the way, without Him, I don't have any power. But with Him, the Bible tells me, I really can do all things—and so can you."
Chuck Norris build a deck that always won. Its just that his opponents are afraid to be roundhouse kicked to death.
Chuck Norris Never won the movie awards. They said that all they saw chuck norris was doing in his movies was swirling his leg to destroy his opponent. They didnt call it roundhouse kick so that they will never make an award out of it.
Chuck Norris Once spammed the mtgsalvation forums
Chuck Norris once flamed the mtgsalvation forums
Chuck Norris was banned at the mtgsalvation forums
And after that, Chuck Norris got his own thread in the humor forums.
Monogreen 2007 | Jund Aggro MTGO 2013
When Chuck Norris wants popcorn he just breaths on Nebraska.
Note to self: Your mafia theories are usually wrong, so don't act on them.
What Cristopher Walken does not realize, that Chuck Norris broke the nick of time and traveled back in time to roundhouse kick Walken when he was a baby.
Monogreen 2007 | Jund Aggro MTGO 2013
Monogreen 2007 | Jund Aggro MTGO 2013
Chuck Norris can sit on his nose.
Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.
Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the **** he wants.
Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.
Chuck Norris was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.
Once, while having sex in a tractor-trailer, part of Chuck Norris' sperm escaped and got into the engine. We now know this truck as Optimus Prime.
If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Chuck Norris?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."
Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
Chuck Norris doesn't pop his collar, his shirts just get erections when they touch his body.
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take **** from anyone.
Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.
Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's ****ing beef.
Chuck Norris doesn't have hair on his testicles, because hair does not grow on steel.
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris
If you play Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven" backwards, you will hear Chuck Norris banging your sister.
Chuck Norris secretly sleeps with every woman in the world once a month.
They bleed for a week as a result.
Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
Chuck Norris has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear pants. Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
The best part of waking up is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep.
Chuck Norris is always on top during sex because Chuck Norris never ****s up.
A rogue squirrel once challenged Chuck Norris to a nut hunt around the park. Before beginning, Chuck simply dropped his pants, instantly killing the squirrel and 3 small children. Chuck knows you can't find bigger, better nuts than that.
Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
Chuck Norris never retreats, he just attacks in the opposite direction.
Chuck Norris once punched a man in the soul.
Chuck Norris keeps his ID on the bottom of his right foot. Nobody ever asks him for his ID.
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
Chuck Norris can create a rock so heavy that even he can't lift it. And then he lifts it anyways, just to show you who the **** Chuck Norris is.
After having been announced, but while still on the stack, Little Girl is vulnerable to Rethink, Fervent Denial, and/or Remove Soul. However, after Little Girl enters play, you'll have to use something like Donate to get rid of it.
How bout you? Can you think of one? No..Because only Chuck can do that.
Monogreen 2007 | Jund Aggro MTGO 2013
The phenomena known as black holes are caused by Chuck Norris roundhouse kicking neutron stars.
Chuck Norris can down a plate of uranium-243 and wash it down with a tall glass of mercury with no noticeable effects, given that he normally sets off Geiger counters and his veins tell the temperature in farenheit and celsius.
Chuck Norris's friend G. Gary Gygax included him in Dungeons and Dragons. As an inside joke, the Chuck Norris monster uses Gygax's nickname for him - Tarrasque.
I̟̥͍̠ͅn̩͉̣͍̬͚ͅ ̬̬͖t̯̹̞̺͖͓̯̤h̘͍̬e͙̯͈̖̼̮ ̭̬f̺̲̲̪i͙͉̟̩̰r̪̝͚͈̝̥͍̝̲s̼̻͇̘̳͔ͅt̲̺̳̗̜̪̙ ̳̺̥̻͚̗ͅm̜̜̟̰͈͓͎͇o̝̖̮̝͇m̯̻̞̼̫̗͓̤e̩̯̬̮̩n͎̱̪̲̹͖t͇̖s̰̮ͅ,̤̲͙̻̭̻̯̹̰ ̖t̫̙̺̯͖͚̯ͅh͙̯̦̳̗̰̟e͖̪͉̼̯ ̪͕g̞̣͔a̗̦t̬̬͓͙̫̖̭̻e̩̻̯ ̜̖̦̖̤̭͙̬t̞̹̥̪͎͉ͅo͕͚͍͇̲͇͓̺ ̭̬͙͈̣̻t͈͍͙͓̫̖͙̩h̪̬̖̙e̗͈ ̗̬̟̞̺̤͉̯ͅa̦̯͚̙̜̮f͉͙̲̣̞̼t̪̤̞̣͚e̲͉̳̥r͇̪̙͚͓l̥̞̞͎̹̯̹ͅi͓̬f̮̥̬̞͈ͅe͎ ̟̩̤̳̠̯̩̯o̮̘̲p̟͚̣̞͉͓e͍̩̣n͔̼͕͚̜e̬̱d̼̘͎̖̹͍̮̠,͖̺̭̱̮ ̣̲͖̬̪̭̥a̪͚n̟̲̝̤̤̞̗d̘̱̗͇̮͕̳͕͔ ͖̞͉͎t̹̙͎h̰̱͉̗e̪̞̱̝̹̩ͅ ̠̱̩̭̦p̯̙e͓o̳͚̰̯̺̱̰͔̘p̬͎̱̣̼̩͇l̗̟̖͚̠e̱͉͔̱̦̬̟̙ ̖͚̪͔̼̦w̺̖̤̱e͖̗̻̦͓̖̘̜r̭̥e͔̹̫̱͕̦̰͕ ̗͔̠p̠̗͍͍̱̳̠r̰͔͎̰o͉̥͓̰͚̥s̟͚̹̱͔̣t͉̙̳̖͖̪̮r̥̘̥͙̹a͉̟̫̟̳̠̟̭t͈̜̰͈͎e̞̣̭̲̬ ͚̗̯̟͙i͍͖̰̘̦͖͉ṇ̮̻̯̦̲̩͍ ̦̮͚̫̤t͉͖̫͕ͅͅh͙̮̻̘̣̮̼e͕̺ ͙l͕̠͎̰̥i̲͓͉̲g̫̳̟͈͇̖h̠̦̖t͓̯͎̗ ̳̪̘̟̙̩̦o̫̲f̙͔̰̙̠ ̹̪̗͇̯t͖̼̼͉͖̬h̹͇̩e͚̖̺̤͉̹͕̪ ͚͓̭̝̺G͎̗̯̩o̫̯̮̟̮̳̘d̜̲͙̠-̩̳̯̲̗̜P̹̘̥͉̝h͍͈̗̖̝ͅa͍̗̮̼̗r̜̖͇̙̺a̭̺͔̞̳͈o̪̣͓̯̬͙̯̰̗h̖̦͈̥̯͔.͇̣̙̝
Monogreen 2007 | Jund Aggro MTGO 2013
Chuck Norris is the real Slim Shady.
The saying "only God knows" was shortened to just "God knows" because Chuck Norris knows, too.
chuck norris once tried to eat the devil while the devil tried to eat chuck norris,
the result is yin and yang, the white one is chuck.
i dont get it either...
Teysa - Orzhov scion
"the golgari raise their dead to serve, we raise our dead to lead."
Trade With Me Here
Thanks to R&doom for avvi!
and Hot pizza for banner!
Decks:
W/B Orzhov Supreme
B/R Boggart Feast
W/G Spirits
WGselesnya conclave
WUBRGSLIVERS
UBDimir
Rakki goblins
WBGTreefolk Shamans
banner by god child. he'd make you one too, if you weren't so bad at posting.
Monogreen 2007 | Jund Aggro MTGO 2013
Thanks to AEther for the avvy.
I̟̥͍̠ͅn̩͉̣͍̬͚ͅ ̬̬͖t̯̹̞̺͖͓̯̤h̘͍̬e͙̯͈̖̼̮ ̭̬f̺̲̲̪i͙͉̟̩̰r̪̝͚͈̝̥͍̝̲s̼̻͇̘̳͔ͅt̲̺̳̗̜̪̙ ̳̺̥̻͚̗ͅm̜̜̟̰͈͓͎͇o̝̖̮̝͇m̯̻̞̼̫̗͓̤e̩̯̬̮̩n͎̱̪̲̹͖t͇̖s̰̮ͅ,̤̲͙̻̭̻̯̹̰ ̖t̫̙̺̯͖͚̯ͅh͙̯̦̳̗̰̟e͖̪͉̼̯ ̪͕g̞̣͔a̗̦t̬̬͓͙̫̖̭̻e̩̻̯ ̜̖̦̖̤̭͙̬t̞̹̥̪͎͉ͅo͕͚͍͇̲͇͓̺ ̭̬͙͈̣̻t͈͍͙͓̫̖͙̩h̪̬̖̙e̗͈ ̗̬̟̞̺̤͉̯ͅa̦̯͚̙̜̮f͉͙̲̣̞̼t̪̤̞̣͚e̲͉̳̥r͇̪̙͚͓l̥̞̞͎̹̯̹ͅi͓̬f̮̥̬̞͈ͅe͎ ̟̩̤̳̠̯̩̯o̮̘̲p̟͚̣̞͉͓e͍̩̣n͔̼͕͚̜e̬̱d̼̘͎̖̹͍̮̠,͖̺̭̱̮ ̣̲͖̬̪̭̥a̪͚n̟̲̝̤̤̞̗d̘̱̗͇̮͕̳͕͔ ͖̞͉͎t̹̙͎h̰̱͉̗e̪̞̱̝̹̩ͅ ̠̱̩̭̦p̯̙e͓o̳͚̰̯̺̱̰͔̘p̬͎̱̣̼̩͇l̗̟̖͚̠e̱͉͔̱̦̬̟̙ ̖͚̪͔̼̦w̺̖̤̱e͖̗̻̦͓̖̘̜r̭̥e͔̹̫̱͕̦̰͕ ̗͔̠p̠̗͍͍̱̳̠r̰͔͎̰o͉̥͓̰͚̥s̟͚̹̱͔̣t͉̙̳̖͖̪̮r̥̘̥͙̹a͉̟̫̟̳̠̟̭t͈̜̰͈͎e̞̣̭̲̬ ͚̗̯̟͙i͍͖̰̘̦͖͉ṇ̮̻̯̦̲̩͍ ̦̮͚̫̤t͉͖̫͕ͅͅh͙̮̻̘̣̮̼e͕̺ ͙l͕̠͎̰̥i̲͓͉̲g̫̳̟͈͇̖h̠̦̖t͓̯͎̗ ̳̪̘̟̙̩̦o̫̲f̙͔̰̙̠ ̹̪̗͇̯t͖̼̼͉͖̬h̹͇̩e͚̖̺̤͉̹͕̪ ͚͓̭̝̺G͎̗̯̩o̫̯̮̟̮̳̘d̜̲͙̠-̩̳̯̲̗̜P̹̘̥͉̝h͍͈̗̖̝ͅa͍̗̮̼̗r̜̖͇̙̺a̭̺͔̞̳͈o̪̣͓̯̬͙̯̰̗h̖̦͈̥̯͔.͇̣̙̝
(That was the joke, now laugh!)
http://youtube.com/watch?v=ORy50ikYw74
Tools...
Where is your god now?
Chuck norris once ate an entire birthday cake in one bite.... before his friend could tell him there was a stripper inside.
If you want a sig as awesome as this, here's the place to get it: http://forums.mtgsalvation.com/showthread.php?t=182339
Chuck Norris always has star power.
Now you know why it's called CN Tower.
How you should approach every game of Magic.
Mod Helpdesk (defunct)
My Flawless Score MCC Card | My Other One | # Three!
Five women have Chuck Norris with sex at the same time.
Wait....that's insane.
So is this thread.....
Some people just love Jace a little too much