Xen was about to ask, "Why are we going to a garden if I am to learn about black mana?" But he quelled the question and followed Ravgthos to the 'garden' wondering where the plants were.
After a moment in silence Xen turned to Ravgthos and asked, "Where are the plants?"
Xen tilted his head in confusion asking, "You grow your undead? I thought-"
Xen cut himself off. He was about to make a presumption and judgement where he had promised to not have any under Ravgthos' guidance. Instead he changed the end of that question to, "I did not know you could grow them."
Xen was becoming frustrated with himself. He wasn't used to learning under someone else. The first time he had taught himself in solitude. The second time had been more of a spiritual journey then tutelage. He would keep his promises though.
"Ye need to learn to speak yer mind. Black mana is about ambition and taking what you want from others. There is no way to do so if ye speak like a coward."
Xen bowed his head saying, "I speak not as a coward but one who is attempting, rather poorly, from bringing assumptions into the conversation. As I had said I would come to you as one new to magic. I do not wish to judge or bring any presumptions that may cloud your teachings."
Xen simply tilted his head to the side simply saying, "I had decided to change my comment from, 'I thought necromancy involved just animating any flesh with magic.' to my other comment about being unaware of being able to grow undead."
Xen realized he was probably irritating Ravgthos with his dancing around his chosen words and said, "One is a presumption and the other a simple observation of my ignorance to necromancy and black magic."
"But as you suggest I will speak my mind more readily as you have given permission in these lessons. As such I must ask if one's goal is power fueled by ambition then shouldn't the path of reserved comments and cowardice be employed if the power you seek involves politics and the manipulation of others?" asked Xen rather curiously.
"Absolutely." Ravgthos said. "However, if this one is to teach ye, I need to know what ye are thinking and feeling. Not that this one cares, but this one needs to know what direction ye mind is taking."
"Understood." replied Xen. Then explaining he said, "Recently I have practiced peaceful resolutions in most of my encounters. I've avoided killing when I can as I used to think the action pointless and damaging. Recent events have taught me differently. I know I am not a coward, though some would think as much simply because I take the more difficult path in combat. The truth is seen when my enemies push me too far, forcing my hand. When that happens I will not hesitate to strike and put an end to the fight."
Xen spoke with a tone that said he understood that Ravgthos wasn't going to like what he would say, "I guess you could say I have a strong moral compass, one that's been warped by a fool of a woman."
Xen blinked for a moment not sure if Ravgthos was trying to tell a joke or not. Xen settled for a light chuckle and shake of his head saying, "I'm still learning about it so I can't really comment. That is unless you're saying your methods are inferior to the woman named Anna?"
"This one's methods are rooted in tradition. The girl's are rooted in trying to understand that which was never made to be understood. Mana is to be felt, not studied and analyzed like some Simic rat."
I'm starting to think that maybe I should have gone with Anna. Though Ravgthos probably shares a view closest in line with Oona and her mentality. Learning his methods will give me the initial grasp I'll need to channel the swamps.
Like he said, I'll use him as a tool and then discard him when he is of no more use. That way I can make up my own mind concerning the swamps. No doubt he will show me some underlying truths. But what he will teach me will probably be done without thought to anything but feeding one's ambitions and gaining more power.
Thought Xen as he walked a little past Ravgthos saying, "Understood. Now where's this garden that grows undead?"
Xen surveyed the rest of the area trying to spot any details.
There was a noticeable misstep in Xen's stride as he thought, I should never have told him about my moral compass. Bastard!
Xen's face furrowed as he walked around the table examining it while running his right hand over the surface to feel the material. He asked coldly, "Am I to be told why this man is to be killed? Has he committed a crime?"
"No. This one bought him off of Rakdos slavers. This one is fairly certain they nabbed him on his way back from escorting a caravan. He has a wife and two sons."
"Perfect!?" asked Xen. "I've killed my own mother and suffered a self-imposed exile! You think my world is perfect?! Why!? Because I chose to embrace the ways of the forests instead of the swamps over that action?"
Ravgthos stood there for several moments, silence permeating the air. "So you killed yer own mother and pretended like it didn't happen? I was wrong, ye don't need to kill anyone. ye soul is already as black as the mana I yield."
Xen balled his fists tightly, deeply wanting to reach across the table and punch Ravgthos. Through gritted teeth he said, "My past shouldn't matter. You're here to show me how to use black mana, not how to kill innocents."
Xen closed his eyes and braced himself with his hands on the table. He let the memory drift back up...
It was a cold night. He had found the man who was destroying his family, hurting his mother. The bastard was with his gang, taking his mother back to the bastard's farm. She didn't even resist, despite the bruises, she loved the man too much.
Xen had been stalking them since they left the tavern. He had two well balanced daggers in his hands, both a good 8 inches long. He hugged the shadows of the village waiting until they would be far enough away. Tonight was going to be the last night that man ever laid his hands on Xen's mother.
The gang was drunk and slow to react, their senses dull to the near silent steps Xen was taking to come up from behind. The first one didn't know what was happening as Xen stabbed his throat spilling blood from the artery as he pulled the blade out moving to the next target.
The group was still ignorant to the dull thud their buddy had made as Xen seemed to glide from the fallen buddy to the next. His blood was like ice, pumping steady, following the motions he knew would end these men. Just like with the pigs from the farm, Xen's blades came swiping in and out, quick and efficient.
By the time the whole group was turning to see what was happening Xen was already soaked in blood, filled with murderous intent. Xen focused as the adrenaline pumped through his blood. There were four left, including the bastard. He was visualizing the path and stabs he would need to make to take all four of them down. Stab the one on the left stepping into the one on the right using him as a shield. Lefty goes down righty takes the hit center gets Xen's next blade. Kick center of blade knocking him into the bastard. Spin around on righty taking his arm with me, use the distracting pain for a stab into the left throat artery. Three goons down, dead or bleeding out. That will leave the bastard right behind Xen. Use motion from last stab to carry the blade into a throw at the bastard. Follow that up with a charge to find the bastard's opening and end him.
That's how everything would turn out in his head. There was one problem, Xen forgot about his mother. When he had downed the three goons and was in the motion for throwing the blade, his mother did the unthinkable: she got involved in the fight. She probably was just trying to stop Xen, but he had been in motion carrying out a chore, taking care of the trash. Going through those motions, one doesn't think, they act. It just so happened that his mother's actions put her in the way of the blade.
The sight of his mother bleeding out from his blade broke Xen. His blood had still felt like ice, but now it felt even colder filled with dread and realization. He had killed so many tonight. They had deserved it though. His mother had been the victim that he was coming to save. She wasn't supposed to die. She was part of his family, everything was supposed to be fine. Except with that realization came the dread of the other families he had effected. Five families were likely to be without fathers now. He had done that. He had become a killer. With that dread came the guilt and horror at his actions. Then the fear, light he was scared of the repercussions, he hadn't thought about it till now. He had been caught up in everything. He could still keep everything from getting out, he just needed to finish off the bastard.
The bastard who was laughing at his mothers death, a death caused by her son's hands. The coldness returned with a rage as Xen launched himself from the ground. Slashing continuously until the man was covered in cuts. Then as the man begged for his life, for mercy, Xen screamed and dropped upon the man stabbing the bastard's side until he stopped breathing.
Panting, Xen stood up taking his blades with him, let the town think it was bandits. He stopped over his mother and picked her up as well. He left the bodies to the creatures of the night and returned to the farm, numb...
Xen had repressed that memory for so long that he couldn't stop the tears from coming. He gripped the table until his knuckles were white and looked to the ceiling as tears rolled down his face. All of the guilt, dread, fear, and even the sensation of killing from that night came bubbling up. He felt it festering inside of him again.
He slammed his fist against the table scraping his knuckles leaving behind some blood. He screamed at Ravgthos saying, "Damn it! Why do I have to feel this crap again!? I just put this all behind me! I had forgiven myself, found redemption in the plains. Why do I need to remember this pain!? It's like a festering wound in my heart that can never be filled!"
Xen slammed his fist into the table again shouting, "Aren't there ways of drawing on the swamps without this crap? Couldn't we have made a deal with a demon rather than bring all of this back up."
Xen tried to calm his breathing, the guilt quickly setting in. Ravgthos saw Xen close his eyes trying to let his practiced meditations bring him peace...
Xen hesitated as the mixture of guilt, fear, pain, and power lingered in his mind. He wanted desperately to embrace the tranquil meditation he had taught himself, all so he could be at peace.
And yet, here his master was telling him to discard his defenses, to embrace the killing, the pain, everything. Could he do that? Embrace everything that had brought upon his self imposed exile?
Could he face the being he used to be? Come to accept the person he had thrown away in the forests?
Xen let out a whimper as tears streaked the side of his face, his eyes shut wide. He collapsed to the ground in the fetal position.
Can I really accept that person? Let the person who killed my mother back into my life? I shed my old form during my exile. I became a new person. All of that pain and guilt belonged to my old life.
I am not the same person that killed my mother. I've changed into something new. Right?
Xen's silent sobs were the only thing to answer his question. He uncurled from the fetal position and laid on his back looking towards the ceiling. He was ignoring the outside world and Ravgthos. All that existed to him at that moment were his thoughts, his emotions, his pain and guilt. The experience felt amplified by an unseen force. The mana of this land, the mana of the swamps, seemed to be feeding off of him and amplifying his emotions. The constant self imposed torture, day in and day out.
Xen steadied his breathing and let his emotions fester, allowed the pain and guilt to flood his mind. He was afraid he was going to lose himself to the swamps. He feared the killer inside would take control.
Xen glared at the ceiling as he balled his fists thinking, I want to understand all of the colors of mana. I believe that mana is existence, that I am made up of mana. I've already conjured up mana from myself proving that!
Yet, here I lay. Here I tremble in fear on the ground at what I may become. I know I am a form of mana, I've acknowledged that. I know I can access black mana, it's a part of me after all. But why do I feel paralyzed in the face of these memories? This is what I want, isn't it? I want to understand everything that I am made of. I want to know this aspect of my being.
And there's the problem. I've seen and experienced that aspect. It killed my mother out of blind hatred. I've discarded that aspect, refused to acknowledge it. I am not that person anymore!
Xen could feel the pulse of the mana around him growing weaker and distant from his grasp. He was losing his connection. He closed his eyes and continued to think.
I'm lying to myself.
I've always been that person.
Xen could feel the pulse of mana coming closer again.
I buried that aspect and chose to grow into a new one. But that person is still there. I am still there. My memories, emotions, pain, guilt, and all of my experiences are still in here, with me. I am who I am because of them. I continuously blinded myself out of remorse for my actions. I had been a fool and had ran away from my actions.
I lost myself in the forests, found peace in the plains, but I've always known power. Deep down in my core, I have always known power. I stayed my hand many times before out of self imposed penance because I was still lost. I've been limiting my potential out of pointless fear.
I thought I was wise in trying to stay my hand all the time. Really all I have been doing is blinding myself while binding my hands. I know what I have been, a fool who knew how to kill.
I accept that.
Xen felt the mana draw tantalizingly closer, almost in his grasp.
But I also know I can be more. I've seen my growth. I've seen my potential being realized over these past years. I see all of the opportunities and times I have limited that potential.I see that I can be so much more now. I just need to let go and embrace my full potential.
Xen opened his eyes, staring at the ceiling again. The pain, and guilt was still there, it always has been and always will be. He accepted that, but he would not allow what was the past to hold him back from his future, his potential. Xen pushed himself off of the floor. He felt the embarrassment mingle with the multitude of emotions. He didn't care what Ravgthos thought.
All that really mattered in the end was what Xen thought. A strange calm settled around Xen, something one sees around dead men who accept their fate. Xen wasn't giving up on life. He had simply found his purpose and an icy determination to achieve his potential.
Xen looked straight at Ravgthos who could see the change in Xen. That calm expression with icy determination, a sense of acceptance.
Time to draw on my acceptance, to take my power, and be one step closer to achieving my potential.
Xen seemed to look past Ravgthos as he slowly closed his eyes letting out a calm deep breath. He reached out to the land around him, felt the draw of black mana. He could feel the flow of the mana and land. He could see the breakdown of life. He could see how what had died was merely being transformed into something new. He saw through the swamps that what meant death for one thing meant life for another. Every bit of decay that formed into the swamps was merely this transformation, a shifting of energy from one form to another. That was the basic truth the swamps could provide. Death was not in end with the swamps, merely a transition.
A true sense of clarity fell upon Xen as he truly saw the life cycle in the universe's purest sense. All of existence was made from mana, he was mana, and mana traveled through the plane transforming from one form to another. He could see how the mana would manifest into the forms of creatures in habitats that resonate with the mana of their creation. He could see the death of one creature being drawn back into the plane. From the green mana to black mana. Creatures thriving in both habitats, coexisting in the plane, creating more mana. Always in flux, always changing, always transforming into the next stage of mana.
And in that moment Xen even realized how Ravgthos probably came into his current existence of lich-dom. The swamps and black mana were merely a transitional stage in the cycle that connected everyone to the mana of the planes. A simple anchor for Ravgthos' energy is all it would take to keep that energy from passing onto the next stage.
Xen was a part of this cycle, this passing of energy, of mana. He knew what needed to be done next. With that, Xen reached out with his mind towards the mana. He let all of his emotions, experience, and revelations guide him. He felt the swamps and the mana they held. With the plains and forests he had surrendered himself to them. Not this time, the swamps were a place of transitions, energy draining from one place to the other.
So Xen did what he thought made the most sense, he reached out and seized the mana of the swamps, willing it to drain into him, to allow Xen to become the next transition stage for the mana...
The moment Xen truly opened himself to black mana, it all just came rushing in. Thoughts of that horrible days swept through his mind for a moment, but they were quickly washed away as a strange feeling of peace seeped into every fiber of his being.
Xen let out a slow relaxed breath as the tension left his body. He opened his eyes looking at Ravgthos, a new calm and peace had settled inside of Xen.
Choice. Acceptance. Freedom. I am who I am because of my actions. Anguish and guilt only serve to hold me and restrict me. Those are bindings of my own creation. They were never real, merely a self imposed punishment. Holding myself back will only cause more problems. No more mindless following of codes and principles. Everything I do will now be done because I choose to do it.
"I can feel the swamps coursing through me now. Along with a different peace, one born from acceptance and freedom." spoke Xen faintly distracted by the mana flowing through him. "What do you want me to do next then, Ravgthos?"
After a moment in silence Xen turned to Ravgthos and asked, "Where are the plants?"
Xen cut himself off. He was about to make a presumption and judgement where he had promised to not have any under Ravgthos' guidance. Instead he changed the end of that question to, "I did not know you could grow them."
Xen was becoming frustrated with himself. He wasn't used to learning under someone else. The first time he had taught himself in solitude. The second time had been more of a spiritual journey then tutelage. He would keep his promises though.
Xen simply tilted his head to the side simply saying, "I had decided to change my comment from, 'I thought necromancy involved just animating any flesh with magic.' to my other comment about being unaware of being able to grow undead."
Xen realized he was probably irritating Ravgthos with his dancing around his chosen words and said, "One is a presumption and the other a simple observation of my ignorance to necromancy and black magic."
"But as you suggest I will speak my mind more readily as you have given permission in these lessons. As such I must ask if one's goal is power fueled by ambition then shouldn't the path of reserved comments and cowardice be employed if the power you seek involves politics and the manipulation of others?" asked Xen rather curiously.
Xen spoke with a tone that said he understood that Ravgthos wasn't going to like what he would say, "I guess you could say I have a strong moral compass, one that's been warped by a fool of a woman."
Xen smiled at that.
Like he said, I'll use him as a tool and then discard him when he is of no more use. That way I can make up my own mind concerning the swamps. No doubt he will show me some underlying truths. But what he will teach me will probably be done without thought to anything but feeding one's ambitions and gaining more power.
Thought Xen as he walked a little past Ravgthos saying, "Understood. Now where's this garden that grows undead?"
Xen surveyed the rest of the area trying to spot any details.
Ravgthos led Xen deeper down the hall into a room with a large stone table in the middle. This room, unlike the last few, was well lit.
"This is where ye will take yer first step towards harnessing black mana. Ye are going to kill a man in cold blood on this table."
Xen's face furrowed as he walked around the table examining it while running his right hand over the surface to feel the material. He asked coldly, "Am I to be told why this man is to be killed? Has he committed a crime?"
Xen had been stalking them since they left the tavern. He had two well balanced daggers in his hands, both a good 8 inches long. He hugged the shadows of the village waiting until they would be far enough away. Tonight was going to be the last night that man ever laid his hands on Xen's mother.
The gang was drunk and slow to react, their senses dull to the near silent steps Xen was taking to come up from behind. The first one didn't know what was happening as Xen stabbed his throat spilling blood from the artery as he pulled the blade out moving to the next target.
The group was still ignorant to the dull thud their buddy had made as Xen seemed to glide from the fallen buddy to the next. His blood was like ice, pumping steady, following the motions he knew would end these men. Just like with the pigs from the farm, Xen's blades came swiping in and out, quick and efficient.
By the time the whole group was turning to see what was happening Xen was already soaked in blood, filled with murderous intent. Xen focused as the adrenaline pumped through his blood. There were four left, including the bastard. He was visualizing the path and stabs he would need to make to take all four of them down. Stab the one on the left stepping into the one on the right using him as a shield. Lefty goes down righty takes the hit center gets Xen's next blade. Kick center of blade knocking him into the bastard. Spin around on righty taking his arm with me, use the distracting pain for a stab into the left throat artery. Three goons down, dead or bleeding out. That will leave the bastard right behind Xen. Use motion from last stab to carry the blade into a throw at the bastard. Follow that up with a charge to find the bastard's opening and end him.
That's how everything would turn out in his head. There was one problem, Xen forgot about his mother. When he had downed the three goons and was in the motion for throwing the blade, his mother did the unthinkable: she got involved in the fight. She probably was just trying to stop Xen, but he had been in motion carrying out a chore, taking care of the trash. Going through those motions, one doesn't think, they act. It just so happened that his mother's actions put her in the way of the blade.
The sight of his mother bleeding out from his blade broke Xen. His blood had still felt like ice, but now it felt even colder filled with dread and realization. He had killed so many tonight. They had deserved it though. His mother had been the victim that he was coming to save. She wasn't supposed to die. She was part of his family, everything was supposed to be fine. Except with that realization came the dread of the other families he had effected. Five families were likely to be without fathers now. He had done that. He had become a killer. With that dread came the guilt and horror at his actions. Then the fear, light he was scared of the repercussions, he hadn't thought about it till now. He had been caught up in everything. He could still keep everything from getting out, he just needed to finish off the bastard.
The bastard who was laughing at his mothers death, a death caused by her son's hands. The coldness returned with a rage as Xen launched himself from the ground. Slashing continuously until the man was covered in cuts. Then as the man begged for his life, for mercy, Xen screamed and dropped upon the man stabbing the bastard's side until he stopped breathing.
Panting, Xen stood up taking his blades with him, let the town think it was bandits. He stopped over his mother and picked her up as well. He left the bodies to the creatures of the night and returned to the farm, numb...
Xen had repressed that memory for so long that he couldn't stop the tears from coming. He gripped the table until his knuckles were white and looked to the ceiling as tears rolled down his face. All of the guilt, dread, fear, and even the sensation of killing from that night came bubbling up. He felt it festering inside of him again.
He slammed his fist against the table scraping his knuckles leaving behind some blood. He screamed at Ravgthos saying, "Damn it! Why do I have to feel this crap again!? I just put this all behind me! I had forgiven myself, found redemption in the plains. Why do I need to remember this pain!? It's like a festering wound in my heart that can never be filled!"
Xen slammed his fist into the table again shouting, "Aren't there ways of drawing on the swamps without this crap? Couldn't we have made a deal with a demon rather than bring all of this back up."
Xen tried to calm his breathing, the guilt quickly setting in. Ravgthos saw Xen close his eyes trying to let his practiced meditations bring him peace...
And yet, here his master was telling him to discard his defenses, to embrace the killing, the pain, everything. Could he do that? Embrace everything that had brought upon his self imposed exile?
Could he face the being he used to be? Come to accept the person he had thrown away in the forests?
Xen let out a whimper as tears streaked the side of his face, his eyes shut wide. He collapsed to the ground in the fetal position.
Can I really accept that person? Let the person who killed my mother back into my life? I shed my old form during my exile. I became a new person. All of that pain and guilt belonged to my old life.
I am not the same person that killed my mother. I've changed into something new. Right?
Xen's silent sobs were the only thing to answer his question. He uncurled from the fetal position and laid on his back looking towards the ceiling. He was ignoring the outside world and Ravgthos. All that existed to him at that moment were his thoughts, his emotions, his pain and guilt. The experience felt amplified by an unseen force. The mana of this land, the mana of the swamps, seemed to be feeding off of him and amplifying his emotions. The constant self imposed torture, day in and day out.
Xen steadied his breathing and let his emotions fester, allowed the pain and guilt to flood his mind. He was afraid he was going to lose himself to the swamps. He feared the killer inside would take control.
Xen glared at the ceiling as he balled his fists thinking, I want to understand all of the colors of mana. I believe that mana is existence, that I am made up of mana. I've already conjured up mana from myself proving that!
Yet, here I lay. Here I tremble in fear on the ground at what I may become. I know I am a form of mana, I've acknowledged that. I know I can access black mana, it's a part of me after all. But why do I feel paralyzed in the face of these memories? This is what I want, isn't it? I want to understand everything that I am made of. I want to know this aspect of my being.
And there's the problem. I've seen and experienced that aspect. It killed my mother out of blind hatred. I've discarded that aspect, refused to acknowledge it. I am not that person anymore!
Xen could feel the pulse of the mana around him growing weaker and distant from his grasp. He was losing his connection. He closed his eyes and continued to think.
I'm lying to myself.
I've always been that person.
Xen could feel the pulse of mana coming closer again.
I buried that aspect and chose to grow into a new one. But that person is still there. I am still there. My memories, emotions, pain, guilt, and all of my experiences are still in here, with me. I am who I am because of them. I continuously blinded myself out of remorse for my actions. I had been a fool and had ran away from my actions.
I lost myself in the forests, found peace in the plains, but I've always known power. Deep down in my core, I have always known power. I stayed my hand many times before out of self imposed penance because I was still lost. I've been limiting my potential out of pointless fear.
I thought I was wise in trying to stay my hand all the time. Really all I have been doing is blinding myself while binding my hands. I know what I have been, a fool who knew how to kill.
I accept that.
Xen felt the mana draw tantalizingly closer, almost in his grasp.
But I also know I can be more. I've seen my growth. I've seen my potential being realized over these past years. I see all of the opportunities and times I have limited that potential. I see that I can be so much more now. I just need to let go and embrace my full potential.
Xen opened his eyes, staring at the ceiling again. The pain, and guilt was still there, it always has been and always will be. He accepted that, but he would not allow what was the past to hold him back from his future, his potential. Xen pushed himself off of the floor. He felt the embarrassment mingle with the multitude of emotions. He didn't care what Ravgthos thought.
All that really mattered in the end was what Xen thought. A strange calm settled around Xen, something one sees around dead men who accept their fate. Xen wasn't giving up on life. He had simply found his purpose and an icy determination to achieve his potential.
Xen looked straight at Ravgthos who could see the change in Xen. That calm expression with icy determination, a sense of acceptance.
Time to draw on my acceptance, to take my power, and be one step closer to achieving my potential.
Xen seemed to look past Ravgthos as he slowly closed his eyes letting out a calm deep breath. He reached out to the land around him, felt the draw of black mana. He could feel the flow of the mana and land. He could see the breakdown of life. He could see how what had died was merely being transformed into something new. He saw through the swamps that what meant death for one thing meant life for another. Every bit of decay that formed into the swamps was merely this transformation, a shifting of energy from one form to another. That was the basic truth the swamps could provide. Death was not in end with the swamps, merely a transition.
A true sense of clarity fell upon Xen as he truly saw the life cycle in the universe's purest sense. All of existence was made from mana, he was mana, and mana traveled through the plane transforming from one form to another. He could see how the mana would manifest into the forms of creatures in habitats that resonate with the mana of their creation. He could see the death of one creature being drawn back into the plane. From the green mana to black mana. Creatures thriving in both habitats, coexisting in the plane, creating more mana. Always in flux, always changing, always transforming into the next stage of mana.
And in that moment Xen even realized how Ravgthos probably came into his current existence of lich-dom. The swamps and black mana were merely a transitional stage in the cycle that connected everyone to the mana of the planes. A simple anchor for Ravgthos' energy is all it would take to keep that energy from passing onto the next stage.
Xen was a part of this cycle, this passing of energy, of mana. He knew what needed to be done next. With that, Xen reached out with his mind towards the mana. He let all of his emotions, experience, and revelations guide him. He felt the swamps and the mana they held. With the plains and forests he had surrendered himself to them. Not this time, the swamps were a place of transitions, energy draining from one place to the other.
So Xen did what he thought made the most sense, he reached out and seized the mana of the swamps, willing it to drain into him, to allow Xen to become the next transition stage for the mana...
OOC: I'm back! Also, **** hackers and viruses.
Choice. Acceptance. Freedom. I am who I am because of my actions. Anguish and guilt only serve to hold me and restrict me. Those are bindings of my own creation. They were never real, merely a self imposed punishment. Holding myself back will only cause more problems. No more mindless following of codes and principles. Everything I do will now be done because I choose to do it.
"I can feel the swamps coursing through me now. Along with a different peace, one born from acceptance and freedom." spoke Xen faintly distracted by the mana flowing through him. "What do you want me to do next then, Ravgthos?"