My wife totally left me for my best friend. I caught them snuggled up in bed together. They've made it Facebook official.
She and I talked last night and she said that since I didn't leave a forwarding address she would get a non-contested divorce. (I hopped a bus, said **** it, and traveled across the country)
Exactly what can I expect to happen in this non-contested divorce. I know she'll get everything we own, but can she hit me up for anything else other than child support?
Should I fight it, since I can take screenshots from Facebook and prove that she has been screwing around with other guys?
If I'm not going to get royally screwed (IDC if she gets everything, I'm not really materialistic at all) should I just let it be, or is that just asking to get buttraped in the divorce?
Why would you let her get everything when she is the one that cheated? Lawyer up and don't let her screw you over. Doesn't the person that cheated usually get less in the divorce?
I am deeply sorry for the ordeal you have gone through and the ordeal you will go through. The correct move is to hire a divorce lawyer. People in your situation have a bad way of inadvertently compounding their own hardship by not acting rationally. That is, of course, somewhat expected in a profoundly emotional situation, but do your very best to follow your lawyers advice and to minimize contact with your ex wife as you move through the divorce.
Why would you let her get everything when she is the one that cheated? Lawyer up and don't let her screw you over. Doesn't the person that cheated usually get less in the divorce?
It depends if he lives in a state that has fault or no-fault divorce. Adultery has little or no impact on the divorce proceedings in a no-fault state. However, adultery in a fault state can severely reduce or eliminate financial obligations of one spouse to the adulterer. The smart move is to lawyer up like hard and fast and with ruthless conviction.
I can barely afford to eat right now, let alone hire a divorce attorney. I'm just now trying to get up on my feet here. I've slept on park benches, fields, floors, a church...
I just got to work...I need a place (and a car, since I left that behind) first so I'm not sleeping outside or on people's floors or in a church, lol. By the time I do that, she may already have everything and the divorce...
I have a friend I can stay with in a ghetto neighborhood about 15 miles from where I'm at right now, but I've already been robbed there...and my job is not there also...and a 15 mile bike ride twice a day every day isn't really doable...
And, after a little research it does appear that Idaho is a fault divorce state and Adultery is at the very very top of the list in terms of what qualifies as a fault divorce. She probably wanted to file a non-contested divorce because she knew, if you filed a fault divorce you would get everything and have no financial obligation to her whatsoever.
Gather every shred of evidence you can to support your case that she is an adulterer.
It may hurt, and you may want to just wash your hands of the situation but I’m telling you, PLEEDING with you: LAWYER UP HARD. You will win big time.
I don’t think anyone here can answer those questions for you. I would try and seek the help of any social services offices in the area. Additionally, try and do some research on divorce lawyers in your area. There may be some willing to take your case on for free to start because they know it’s such a slam dunk you’ll be good to pay them later.
See if any lawyers near you are offering pro bono work. At the very least, see if any divorce firms near you offer a free consultation. If you don't act fast and smart, this may not turn out well for you. But it seems like you have some experience with turning lemons into lemonade so I guess you already know how to take one on the chin.
If you are in any kind of bigger city, not sure where right now, but many bigger cities (at least 50k+) have free legal help for lower income people, you may try looking that up.
Man, you've been through a lot. Health issues, substance recovery and now cheating. Do you have any family that might be able to help you? I couldn't hurt to explain the situation to them.
Please tell me you don't have any kids with your soon to be ex-wife.
Apparently not; "everything except child support" or something to that effect.
I realized the OP was in dire financial straits. Decent divorce lawyers, or generally family lawyers, seldom do pro bono work; which, here at least, is more for those destitute (that is, money- or homewise) or at risk of being destitute and for minor criminal matters or other non-major-criminal, non-family matters, which tend not to be pains in the butt to deal with and extremely taxing (sorry to say).
I've recommended time and again that you ask those IRL, such as family, friends, banks (for loans, though successfully getting one is an entirely different beast), social workers, etc.
Edit: Apologies if I sound short. It all (this, RLA, WCT, etc.) sort of becomes exhausting, eh.
It is a guy thing, to just walk away from the problem, but I have to agree with a lot of people. You really need to fight this. Did she work? If she didn't work, depending on your states laws and how long you were married she can take you to the cleaners in spousal support.
Honestly, everything you left behind, do you really just want to let your things go? They are just possessions, but you really should consider your options. Basically you are sacrificing any potential comfort because the situation hurt and allowing her to take possession of everything, not a wise move at all. The kids are another issue too, you should really think hard about whether or not you want to have a larger role in their lives. Paying child support is not being a father, and as a father I find it pretty deplorable that any other father would just walk away because of something his ex did. They are your kids, right? You should be, first and foremost, fighting for them.
Idaho has a 21 day no fault clause for its divorces. Of course it only applies if you don't answer or do anything. Having a lawyer and filing for a fault divorce (adultery) changes how communal property is handled.
I didn't walk away from my kid. I'm planning on getting up on my feet and fighting for
at least partial custody.
With what? Homeless and penniless vagrants don't do well in courts.
You do realize that someone could just as easily paint you as an irresponsible prig, right? Talk to a lawyer, talk to any family member willing to help you, and go back to where you came from and see if you can get your old job back or whatever you left behind.
I understand the impulse to do a "great reset button," but these things take time the more baggage you have and setting up the next phase of your life. You're going to need people around you to support you that are competent.
Talk to a lawyer, but I would also add to seeing a shrink if possible. You're about to enter the ninth layer of hell when it comes to divorce court if she chooses to fight tooth and claw. And the courts don't care if she's a bad wife, only that she's a good mother.
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Ambition must be made to counteract ambition.
Individualities may form communities, but it is institutions alone that can create a nation.
Nothing succeeds like the appearance of success.
Here is my principle: Taxes shall be levied according to ability to pay. That is the only American principle.
Seriously though I feel for you and the pain you must be going through. Lawyer up man.
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By: ol MISAKA lo
Cockatrice: Infallible
Mhjames: mtgsalvation: I DON'T SEE HOW THIS CARD IS GOOD. I KNOW PATRICK CHAPIN USED IT AND WENT 8-0, BUT THAT WAS A SMALL TOURNAMENT. THE CARD IS TOO SLOW. YOU NEED TO MAKE SURE THE OPPONENT HAS A SPELL IN THE GRAVEYARD
@ Captain_Morgan Another case of lets make baseless assumptions.
You assume I'm penniless and jobless without even asking me.
I've been busting ass since I got back. Yes, I have slept outside. Benches. A field. A picnic table. A set of stairs.
You have to start somewhere.
I was working three jobs. Right now I'm working two because the third one wasn't going to work out with the schedule I have with the other two. I'm looking at around 65 hours a week, sometimes more as well as helping a friend do tech support. I have my **** together. I found an old friend here and I'm able to sleep in his living room until I find a place of my own.
One of my jobs is at a car lot. Three days in and the boss took me out for lunch and told me I was being trained for a promotion. Supervisor position after three days. He's also going to get me in sales so I can get some commission on top of everything else.
So. Homeless. Maybe at the moment, but not for long.
Penniless? Only until my first check gets in. I got my **** together, man.
Now that I'm away from her and her family and their drama I'm doing a lot better.
I have another question. If she tries to hmu for child support, can I request a DNA test first? She's been a cheater in the past as well but I kept forgiving her... It was her sleeping with my best friend in Idaho that was kinda the final straw. Also, since I know how you people operate...I'm not trying to get out of paying. I want to be for sure that it is my kid before I even think about paying her ANYTHING.
On child support I'd wager that varies by state - some states have been slow to adopt DNA testing and/or have reversed their position on it in regards to other legal matters.
And I'd rush to fix the homeless situation ASAP - that will bite you in the ass if not rectified. Even if it's something like a halfway house, it will reflect FAR better on you to have a roof than not. Heck, even that place you mentioned getting robbed at would reflect better.
PS - What happened during this "walkabout" that you had before leaving that drained your assets? If it was something under your own control, and you ended up wasting your life savings due to impulse control issues with spending that's another thing to absolutely start getting treatment for before any proceedings as well I'd imagine.
PSS - Of course, as everyone has said though - get a lawyer, he'll likely repeat my two suggestions anyhow I'd imagine and will be well versed in the specifics of your local laws.
I don't think its wise to assume that your wife will automatically receive all of your assets. If you helped pay for things then you should have to split things in a fair manner. Consult an attorney immediately. Not being able to pay is not really a barrier if you know what you're doing. I see that you live in Idaho and so here is your state's 211 website. 211 is a nationwide database of services, from child care to soup kitchens to legal services. Generally these services are for low income individuals so I hope you will take a look.
I was once homeless and so I understand how people are confused about what being homeless really is. You learn a lot from the experience and hopefully learn what you need to avoid it in the future. I hope you find your own place soon.
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She and I talked last night and she said that since I didn't leave a forwarding address she would get a non-contested divorce. (I hopped a bus, said **** it, and traveled across the country)
Exactly what can I expect to happen in this non-contested divorce. I know she'll get everything we own, but can she hit me up for anything else other than child support?
Should I fight it, since I can take screenshots from Facebook and prove that she has been screwing around with other guys?
If I'm not going to get royally screwed (IDC if she gets everything, I'm not really materialistic at all) should I just let it be, or is that just asking to get buttraped in the divorce?
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Archatmos
Excellion
Fracture: Israfiel (WBR), Wujal (URG), Valedon (GUB), Amduat (BGW), Paladris (RWU)
Collision (Set Two of the Fracture Block)
Quest for the Forsaken (Set Two of the Excellion Block)
Katingal: Plane of Chains
It depends if he lives in a state that has fault or no-fault divorce. Adultery has little or no impact on the divorce proceedings in a no-fault state. However, adultery in a fault state can severely reduce or eliminate financial obligations of one spouse to the adulterer. The smart move is to lawyer up like hard and fast and with ruthless conviction.
I just got to work...I need a place (and a car, since I left that behind) first so I'm not sleeping outside or on people's floors or in a church, lol. By the time I do that, she may already have everything and the divorce...
I have a friend I can stay with in a ghetto neighborhood about 15 miles from where I'm at right now, but I've already been robbed there...and my job is not there also...and a 15 mile bike ride twice a day every day isn't really doable...
What do I do? >.<
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Gather every shred of evidence you can to support your case that she is an adulterer.
It may hurt, and you may want to just wash your hands of the situation but I’m telling you, PLEEDING with you: LAWYER UP HARD. You will win big time.
I don’t think anyone here can answer those questions for you. I would try and seek the help of any social services offices in the area. Additionally, try and do some research on divorce lawyers in your area. There may be some willing to take your case on for free to start because they know it’s such a slam dunk you’ll be good to pay them later.
See if any lawyers near you are offering pro bono work. At the very least, see if any divorce firms near you offer a free consultation. If you don't act fast and smart, this may not turn out well for you. But it seems like you have some experience with turning lemons into lemonade so I guess you already know how to take one on the chin.
Archatmos
Excellion
Fracture: Israfiel (WBR), Wujal (URG), Valedon (GUB), Amduat (BGW), Paladris (RWU)
Collision (Set Two of the Fracture Block)
Quest for the Forsaken (Set Two of the Excellion Block)
Katingal: Plane of Chains
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Things to do:
1 Lawyer
2 Find out when she filed the divorce
3 Gather evidence
You should've been able to figure that much, though. There's nothing else that we can help you with.
Please tell me you don't have any kids with your soon to be ex-wife.
I realized the OP was in dire financial straits. Decent divorce lawyers, or generally family lawyers, seldom do pro bono work; which, here at least, is more for those destitute (that is, money- or homewise) or at risk of being destitute and for minor criminal matters or other non-major-criminal, non-family matters, which tend not to be pains in the butt to deal with and extremely taxing (sorry to say).
I've recommended time and again that you ask those IRL, such as family, friends, banks (for loans, though successfully getting one is an entirely different beast), social workers, etc.
Edit: Apologies if I sound short. It all (this, RLA, WCT, etc.) sort of becomes exhausting, eh.
Honestly, everything you left behind, do you really just want to let your things go? They are just possessions, but you really should consider your options. Basically you are sacrificing any potential comfort because the situation hurt and allowing her to take possession of everything, not a wise move at all. The kids are another issue too, you should really think hard about whether or not you want to have a larger role in their lives. Paying child support is not being a father, and as a father I find it pretty deplorable that any other father would just walk away because of something his ex did. They are your kids, right? You should be, first and foremost, fighting for them.
This is from personal experience.
tl;dr: It's lawyer time.
Big Thanks to Xeno for sig art <3.
at least partial custody.
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With what? Homeless and penniless vagrants don't do well in courts.
You do realize that someone could just as easily paint you as an irresponsible prig, right? Talk to a lawyer, talk to any family member willing to help you, and go back to where you came from and see if you can get your old job back or whatever you left behind.
I understand the impulse to do a "great reset button," but these things take time the more baggage you have and setting up the next phase of your life. You're going to need people around you to support you that are competent.
Talk to a lawyer, but I would also add to seeing a shrink if possible. You're about to enter the ninth layer of hell when it comes to divorce court if she chooses to fight tooth and claw. And the courts don't care if she's a bad wife, only that she's a good mother.
Ambition must be made to counteract ambition.
Individualities may form communities, but it is institutions alone that can create a nation.
Nothing succeeds like the appearance of success.
Here is my principle: Taxes shall be levied according to ability to pay. That is the only American principle.
Seriously though I feel for you and the pain you must be going through. Lawyer up man.
By: ol MISAKA lo
Cockatrice: Infallible
You assume I'm penniless and jobless without even asking me.
I've been busting ass since I got back. Yes, I have slept outside. Benches. A field. A picnic table. A set of stairs.
You have to start somewhere.
I was working three jobs. Right now I'm working two because the third one wasn't going to work out with the schedule I have with the other two. I'm looking at around 65 hours a week, sometimes more as well as helping a friend do tech support. I have my **** together. I found an old friend here and I'm able to sleep in his living room until I find a place of my own.
One of my jobs is at a car lot. Three days in and the boss took me out for lunch and told me I was being trained for a promotion. Supervisor position after three days. He's also going to get me in sales so I can get some commission on top of everything else.
So. Homeless. Maybe at the moment, but not for long.
Penniless? Only until my first check gets in. I got my **** together, man.
Now that I'm away from her and her family and their drama I'm doing a lot better.
I have another question. If she tries to hmu for child support, can I request a DNA test first? She's been a cheater in the past as well but I kept forgiving her... It was her sleeping with my best friend in Idaho that was kinda the final straw. Also, since I know how you people operate...I'm not trying to get out of paying. I want to be for sure that it is my kid before I even think about paying her ANYTHING.
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And I'd rush to fix the homeless situation ASAP - that will bite you in the ass if not rectified. Even if it's something like a halfway house, it will reflect FAR better on you to have a roof than not. Heck, even that place you mentioned getting robbed at would reflect better.
PS - What happened during this "walkabout" that you had before leaving that drained your assets? If it was something under your own control, and you ended up wasting your life savings due to impulse control issues with spending that's another thing to absolutely start getting treatment for before any proceedings as well I'd imagine.
PSS - Of course, as everyone has said though - get a lawyer, he'll likely repeat my two suggestions anyhow I'd imagine and will be well versed in the specifics of your local laws.
Re: People misusing the term Vanilla to describe a flying, unleash (sometimes trample) critter.
I don't think its wise to assume that your wife will automatically receive all of your assets. If you helped pay for things then you should have to split things in a fair manner. Consult an attorney immediately. Not being able to pay is not really a barrier if you know what you're doing. I see that you live in Idaho and so here is your state's 211 website. 211 is a nationwide database of services, from child care to soup kitchens to legal services. Generally these services are for low income individuals so I hope you will take a look.
I was once homeless and so I understand how people are confused about what being homeless really is. You learn a lot from the experience and hopefully learn what you need to avoid it in the future. I hope you find your own place soon.