Semi-serious topic - I've recently become single and a common dating conversation is "what are your favorite games" and, obviously, magic is #1 with several thousand bullets. So I usually say magic, and then also some other less-life-consuming board games so I don't sound like the obsessive freak that I am and, presumably, most of the people on this site are.
And then, frequently, they'll say something like "I haven't heard of those, maybe you could teach me sometime" smiley face winky face etc.
Putting aside that I'm obviously killing it on the dating scene, it got me thinking...my natural instinct it to say "well, magic is a huge competitive sport that can cost thousands of dollars, has enormous tournaments across the globe, and millions of nerds who dedicate their lives to getting marginal advantages over each other in every tiny facet of its deep strategy...I spend dozens of hours every week playing it, planning for it, and thinking about it...here, check out my collection, it's worth more an a luxury car, isn't that cool?" But I'm like 90% sure that would send most attractive women running away screaming (not sure on the odds for attractive men, feel free to enlighten me).
Obviously the dream is an SO that shares your passion for the game, but a slow boil is almost certainly necessary to avoid freaking people out. So what's peoples' experiences/theorycrafting on how to get people into the game, especially people who are, y'know, normal functioning (and hopefully attractive) members of society instead of one's nerd friends?
Well, you first need to break that old stereotype about MTG being a game exclusively played by hideous, virginal, antisocial nerds, which is both inaccurate and damaging. If your partner can't look beyond that, chances are they won't be able to reconcile with your hobby. I'd suggesting starting by stopping giving reference to that in your own point of view of the game, even if you use it jokingly.
Well, I think I was fairly clear that, in these cases, they aren't even aware of the game to have any prejudice about what the playerbase looks like (although once they see what the cards look like they might develop those prejudices).
It's all well and good to say it's an old tired stereotype, but having played in quite a few stores and major events in several countries, the playerbase - or at least the one showing up to events - has consistently been very, very heavily male. WotC says it's not as split as people think, but either they're talking about kitchen table magic, I'm somehow going to events that are unusually male-focused, or their data is wrong. My (now ex) gf actually had fun playing magic, but was turned off by the disproportionately male attendance at every event. At a certain point it's a self-sustaining problem.
I think it's actually pretty easy to get anyone, regardless of gender, to play casual kitchen-table magic, especially if they don't have any preconceived ideas about it. It's just a fun game to play with starter decks or whatever. The hard part is getting people (especially women) actually interested in the competitive scene, or even the FNM scene, when it's so male-dominated.
Your experience with trying to find women into Magic is oddly similar to my trying to find women into sadomasochism. You shotgun approach potential matches on every other interest, try not to suck at social interactions in general, be a generous lover and pray to the deity of your choice that everything works out. Then you introduce your niche thing. Good luck. You're gonna need it.
I'm actually surprised how often I have to explain girls what Magic even is. Then again, I'm the de facto IT guy on my work by virtue of being able to fix people's Macs, not ever having owned one myself.
When dating someone, Magic is something I reveal/properly introduce after a while, and they don't give a ***** by that point. I have actual bad things to scare them away with way before that point, so by then, it usually sticks.
If you just talk about it casually, like "Oh I can't, have to play Magic that day", like, verbally demonstrating that it's maybe weird but completely unthreatening and fine, you should be fine.
OK, answer time. How to actually get them playing. Well, it's basically board game. What I'd suggest is to treat it as such, removing the collectible aspect, and making some simple decks you can vary between. Perhaps give her her favorite and a few other cards to improve it with, and then you can start bringing her to casual events. If anything, you can play with her yourself, which is always cozy.
Women aren't very interested in much of anything that's competitive. I personally don't try to get girlfriends to play magic. I just do, other things. Hiking, movies, whatever.
I mean there are some of us who do play and our into it. Like I’m pretty casual with it mainly being kitchen table and commander. I started in m13 in middle school. I mainly got into it because I liked the art on the cards it looked nice , especially the Innistrad art. It really appealed to my emo side. And then I realized all the fun stuff about the game as well.
So my advice would be when trying to get a girl into the game or new players. Is first see if there’s anything fantasy or just like art related they like and show it to them and don’t expect someone to be interested beyond the casual level. Less intimidating for them and makes u seem less obsessive as well not good to overwhelm people let them get more into it as there ready and willing.
What? Are you saying "attractive" people is better? Or that they don't like games? What are you exactly saying? Maybe what you are saying is that people who play Magic is ugly and don't deserve to hang out with "attractive" people.
My ex wife is a beautiful actress. When I met her, I taught her how to play Magic. She loved it and she played fairly well. She is a great human being and she is really, really attractive. I never "tricked" her to like Magic. I never "tricked" her for anything.
I believe it is totally wrong If you need to "trick" anyone, not just a woman, to like the things you do.
Well, speaking as someone who has gotten multiple people of various genders into Magic, but not as someone who is into the dating scene...
Don't think of women or 'attractive people' as somehow fundamentally different from you (in this regard, at least ). Explain what the game is, design some super baseline 'duel decks' style decks to play if they want to (or just buy them; Eldraine has some very striking art to draw people in). Then try to assess interest.
This can be tough because even if they didn't like playing they usually won't say so out of politeness. I imagine this goes double if they're romantically interested in you and they get the impression that it's something important to you.
So pay attention to how interested they seem during the game; how many questions they ask versus just shrugging and nodding when you explain something to them. Hypothetical questions are a dead giveaway for interest because it means they're thinking about the game beyond what's currently in front of them. Magic as a form of creative self-expression thrives off of that sort of interest.
Then you've just gotta be reeeeal patient. They're starting out from square 1; try to remember how you thought about Magic at that point. Artwork is probably very important, and inclusion of cards will probably be based on factors other than effectiveness. As a form of self-expression they're probably going to want to make horrible deckbuilding decisions at first. Don't discourage that, they'll learn eventually. Keep explanations limited to basic game concepts like card advantage and tempo unless they specifically ask for help.
Most players learn through kitchen table magic. I would find some close friends (or maybe inexperienced SOs of close friends!) and start with low-power 60-card-casual decks. 4-player is ideal since 3-player tends to turn into kingmaker.
Keep your love life and Magic life separate. By doing this you’ll get time to yourself to get out and play cards, and have an excuse to not play cards as well.
I’ve never dated a gamer and it’s been great. When you date a gamer and all you do is game it takes a toll on your normal social life.
I’ve had friends that have dated/married Magic players, when it came time to break up splitting up collections became a nightmare. People all the sudden think that X,Y, and Z cards are theirs not yours. By never dating a Magic player I’ve never had this issue.
Magic is my second favorite activity, but I’m glad to have a partner and life outside of nerdom, it keeps me balanced. Do yourself a favor and keep the separation, once you get into a long term relationship you’ll understand. Just make sure your partner is OK with you getting out to play cards, I’ve had girl friends that hated me going to play cards, and those girls were kind of psycho.
My wife and I have plenty of hobbies and activities we don’t need to add Magic to the mix. And she’s usually ready for me to get out of the house once a week to play cards.
A sign of a healthy relationship is being able to do anything together but also to need time apart. Magic affords us that time apart.
I know that having a girlfriend that plays Magic seems like the dream, but in 99% of cases it’s a recipe for disaster.
Having a gal that doesn’t game helps get me out of the house and into more normal social activities, when I’m single I play way too much Magic, until I get too horny and snap, LOL.
Wow this thread fell out of the nineties. Magic isn't remotely obscure any more, and honestly it wasn't all that obscure twenty years ago either. Don't go around "tricking" people into it, just do what you like and invite them to join you if they want. If they don't then no big deal. You don't have to be identical to your partners and you don't have to do everything together. There's nothing wrong with you or your relationship if magic is just something you don't share. There is something wrong with your relationship if you prioritize magic over it, or make it a dealbreaker if they're not also playing it with you.
When dating someone, Magic is something I reveal/properly introduce after a while, and they don't give a ***** by that point. I have actual bad things to scare them away with way before that point, so by then, it usually sticks.
If you just talk about it casually, like "Oh I can't, have to play Magic that day", like, verbally demonstrating that it's maybe weird but completely unthreatening and fine, you should be fine.
OK, answer time. How to actually get them playing. Well, it's basically board game. What I'd suggest is to treat it as such, removing the collectible aspect, and making some simple decks you can vary between. Perhaps give her her favorite and a few other cards to improve it with, and then you can start bringing her to casual events. If anything, you can play with her yourself, which is always cozy.
So my advice would be when trying to get a girl into the game or new players. Is first see if there’s anything fantasy or just like art related they like and show it to them and don’t expect someone to be interested beyond the casual level. Less intimidating for them and makes u seem less obsessive as well not good to overwhelm people let them get more into it as there ready and willing.
I usually bring up magic fairly early to get a read on it, personally. Mostly because I'm hoping they'll go "omg, you play magic too?!" although this has never happened, lol. Don't think I've ever had anyone be bothered that I mention that I play it, though.
The slow boil is probably the way to go. In theory playing low-powered precons against each other is fun for a bit, but tbh I get bored of it fairly quickly because of the lack of variety (same reason I only play commander and limited). I have had fun playing pack wars with previous gfs, though. Low skill requirements, decent chance they win, and there's still the excitement of variety.
What? Are you saying "attractive" people is better? Or that they don't like games? What are you exactly saying? Maybe what you are saying is that people who play Magic is ugly and don't deserve to hang out with "attractive" people.
My ex wife is a beautiful actress. When I met her, I taught her how to play Magic. She loved it and she played fairly well. She is a great human being and she is really, really attractive. I never "tricked" her to like Magic. I never "tricked" her for anything.
I believe it is totally wrong If you need to "trick" anyone, not just a woman, to like the things you do.
TBH I think Magic, as big as it is, is still a small enough percentage of the population that whenever you go on a date, most likely the other person doesn't play. I think, based on attendance of events that I've seen, that if the person you're dating is an attractive woman, the odds are a lot lower that they play (or at least, play seriously). I never said anything about "better" or that they don't like games or any of that stuff. I have no idea where you're getting that. Now, put to the question do I think the average magic player is less attractive than the average non-magic-player? Probably, but I think the gender imbalance is the bigger problem as regards dating and magic.
"Tricked" was verbiage mostly used to make the thread seem spicier than it is. I don't even know how you'd categorize a strategy for getting someone interested in magic as a "trick" vs "not a trick". I guess if you told them some packs have winning lottery tickets inside or something. Obviously that's not my plan. I just want to have a plan that's most likely to get someone I'm interested into magic, without scaring them away. I'm guessing you didn't introduce your ex wife to magic by dumping her into a GP.
Also it sounds like you're not exactly over your ex wife but that's none of my business.
Well, speaking as someone who has gotten multiple people of various genders into Magic, but not as someone who is into the dating scene...
Don't think of women or 'attractive people' as somehow fundamentally different from you (in this regard, at least ). Explain what the game is, design some super baseline 'duel decks' style decks to play if they want to (or just buy them; Eldraine has some very striking art to draw people in). Then try to assess interest.
This can be tough because even if they didn't like playing they usually won't say so out of politeness. I imagine this goes double if they're romantically interested in you and they get the impression that it's something important to you.
So pay attention to how interested they seem during the game; how many questions they ask versus just shrugging and nodding when you explain something to them. Hypothetical questions are a dead giveaway for interest because it means they're thinking about the game beyond what's currently in front of them. Magic as a form of creative self-expression thrives off of that sort of interest.
Then you've just gotta be reeeeal patient. They're starting out from square 1; try to remember how you thought about Magic at that point. Artwork is probably very important, and inclusion of cards will probably be based on factors other than effectiveness. As a form of self-expression they're probably going to want to make horrible deckbuilding decisions at first. Don't discourage that, they'll learn eventually. Keep explanations limited to basic game concepts like card advantage and tempo unless they specifically ask for help.
Most players learn through kitchen table magic. I would find some close friends (or maybe inexperienced SOs of close friends!) and start with low-power 60-card-casual decks. 4-player is ideal since 3-player tends to turn into kingmaker.
Solid, very detailed advice, thanks! Good point about the questions and interest. Not sure how easy it'll be to set up casual groups since I just moved to a new country, though.
Keep your love life and Magic life separate. By doing this you’ll get time to yourself to get out and play cards, and have an excuse to not play cards as well.
I’ve never dated a gamer and it’s been great. When you date a gamer and all you do is game it takes a toll on your normal social life.
I’ve had friends that have dated/married Magic players, when it came time to break up splitting up collections became a nightmare. People all the sudden think that X,Y, and Z cards are theirs not yours. By never dating a Magic player I’ve never had this issue.
Magic is my second favorite activity, but I’m glad to have a partner and life outside of nerdom, it keeps me balanced. Do yourself a favor and keep the separation, once you get into a long term relationship you’ll understand. Just make sure your partner is OK with you getting out to play cards, I’ve had girl friends that hated me going to play cards, and those girls were kind of psycho.
My wife and I have plenty of hobbies and activities we don’t need to add Magic to the mix. And she’s usually ready for me to get out of the house once a week to play cards.
A sign of a healthy relationship is being able to do anything together but also to need time apart. Magic affords us that time apart.
I know that having a girlfriend that plays Magic seems like the dream, but in 99% of cases it’s a recipe for disaster.
Having a gal that doesn’t game helps get me out of the house and into more normal social activities, when I’m single I play way too much Magic, until I get too horny and snap, LOL.
Interesting perspective. I mean not having interest in magic is not a dealbreaker for me, of course. I think going to GPs was some of the most fun I had with my ex, though (also she thought it was pretty hot when I made it to top 8 of a PTQ, lol).
Wow this thread fell out of the nineties. Magic isn't remotely obscure any more, and honestly it wasn't all that obscure twenty years ago either. Don't go around "tricking" people into it, just do what you like and invite them to join you if they want. If they don't then no big deal. You don't have to be identical to your partners and you don't have to do everything together. There's nothing wrong with you or your relationship if magic is just something you don't share. There is something wrong with your relationship if you prioritize magic over it, or make it a dealbreaker if they're not also playing it with you.
It may not be super obscure but there are plenty of people who haven't heard of it.
Lol another person annoyed at my verbiage instead of my actual content. What exactly would "tricking" someone into playing magic be?
That seems like a guaranteed recipe for failing to get an SO interested. FNMs are usually male-dominated and at least fairly competitive. I think the vast majority of women, put into that situation unprepared, are not going to have a good time. Let alone something more competitive like a GP or PTQ.
But no, it's not a dealbreaker for me. As my biggest hobby, though, it would certainly be nice if my SO at least enjoyed the game enough to understand occasional highlight stories, though.
Wow this thread fell out of the nineties. Magic isn't remotely obscure any more, and honestly it wasn't all that obscure twenty years ago either.
I have been pretty open about my Magic hobby for a while, and basically every time I mention I play it, people go "what's that?", I say, it's that card game with elves and dragons, they're still a big questionmark, and then I google it and they go "oh I've seen that before."
That seems like a guaranteed recipe for failing to get an SO interested. FNMs are usually male-dominated and at least fairly competitive. I think the vast majority of women, put into that situation unprepared, are not going to have a good time. Let alone something more competitive like a GP or PTQ.
You want to make a woman go to FNM? To a room full of dudes with varying level of social skills who will invariably spend the entire night treating this woman as a weird object? You're right that she's not going to have a good time. I straight up stopped going to releases because I am exhausted by men and all their weird *****, let alone the extra competitive dudes who get extremely uptight about winning 5 packs or whatever.
Look, it's a systemic issue that's not going to be solved by you and it's not going to be solved by pushing your S.O. into uncomfortable situations. It's not because there's anything inherent about women or men and this card game or any game, it's a bunch of historical prejudice that arbitrarily assigned certain attributes like "competitiveness" to arbitrary measurements of genitals and hormone levels. Women will self-select out of these kinds of things for the same reasons dudes will buy large trucks or watch sports even if they're not really invested in either.
That said, this isn't the 90s and more women are playing magic now than ever. They're just playing it with their non-judgmental friends or anonymously online now that there's a decent internet version of magic.
I have been pretty open about my Magic hobby for a while, and basically every time I mention I play it, people go "what's that?", I say, it's that card game with elves and dragons, they're still a big questionmark, and then I google it and they go "oh I've seen that before."
It continues to be deeply unfortunate that the game is called something so generic as "Magic" because honestly, how is anyone supposed to know the difference? Especially when there's an entire genre of magic tricks specifically performed with cards. Far too late to change it, but I'll bet you like $5 the netflix series ends up being named something like "planeswalkers" or something instead.
You want to make a woman go to FNM? To a room full of dudes with varying level of social skills who will invariably spend the entire night treating this woman as a weird object? You're right that she's not going to have a good time. I straight up stopped going to releases because I am exhausted by men and all their weird *****, let alone the extra competitive dudes who get extremely uptight about winning 5 packs or whatever.
Look, it's a systemic issue that's not going to be solved by you and it's not going to be solved by pushing your S.O. into uncomfortable situations. It's not because there's anything inherent about women or men and this card game or any game, it's a bunch of historical prejudice that arbitrarily assigned certain attributes like "competitiveness" to arbitrary measurements of genitals and hormone levels. Women will self-select out of these kinds of things for the same reasons dudes will buy large trucks or watch sports even if they're not really invested in either.
That said, this isn't the 90s and more women are playing magic now than ever. They're just playing it with their non-judgmental friends or anonymously online now that there's a decent internet version of magic.
You said "do what you like and invite them to join". My usual magic diet is FNMs (and other drafts during the week if available), usually a night of commander (in a public group), and occasional GPs/PTQs/all-day-prerelease-weekends. Of those, if I'm just inviting them to join, I'd say FNM is probably the most accessible. If I wanted something more accessible to make it more appealing for them to play, I'd have to do something outside of my usual magic diet, which means putting some thought into what might appeal to them. Which is the subject of this thread.
I'm sure it varies, but "invariably spend the entire night treating this woman as a weird object" has not been my experience. Most people are totally fine. Some people are slightly weird. Once in a blue moon someone is actually rude. I don't know that it's so different from going to a bar, though.
My ex used to go to quite a few magic events, and although she stopped being as interested in magic for the last year or so of our relationship (which is also when she became less interested in me, ZING!) she enjoyed doing 2HG prereleases with me pretty consistently right up to the end. We had very few bad experiences with people (possibly because it's more common for SOs to come to 2HG so people are more used to it, or possibly because no one was operating under the hope that she was available). Unfortunately I never really liked 2HG magic, but I put up with it to try to get/keep her invested in the game, and of course to spend time with her etc. Ideally she would have gotten into commander but the card pool was too overwhelming. I'm crossing fingers that brawl takes off for that reason.
That seems like a guaranteed recipe for failing to get an SO interested. FNMs are usually male-dominated and at least fairly competitive. I think the vast majority of women, put into that situation unprepared, are not going to have a good time. Let alone something more competitive like a GP or PTQ.
You want to make a woman go to FNM? To a room full of dudes with varying level of social skills who will invariably spend the entire night treating this woman as a weird object? You're right that she's not going to have a good time. I straight up stopped going to releases because I am exhausted by men and all their weird *****, let alone the extra competitive dudes who get extremely uptight about winning 5 packs or whatever.
Look, it's a systemic issue that's not going to be solved by you and it's not going to be solved by pushing your S.O. into uncomfortable situations. It's not because there's anything inherent about women or men and this card game or any game, it's a bunch of historical prejudice that arbitrarily assigned certain attributes like "competitiveness" to arbitrary measurements of genitals and hormone levels. Women will self-select out of these kinds of things for the same reasons dudes will buy large trucks or watch sports even if they're not really invested in either.
That said, this isn't the 90s and more women are playing magic now than ever. They're just playing it with their non-judgmental friends or anonymously online now that there's a decent internet version of magic.
Personally I get awkward around women in Magic events even though I don't anywhere else exactly because of the weird climate around them at the events I go to. I want to be welcoming and just treat them as another person, but I feel I get weirdly dismissive because I'm too afraid to make them uncomfortable. Male players, I joke with them and talk cards, female players I rarely speak to in case I start mansplaining why a card is good. I don't have this problem in any other areas of my life, school, work, bars, readings, even other competetive types of events, whatever. I don't actually know whether it shows or not, since I've never gotten on good enough terms with any of the female players I meet through FNMs and such to ask. I play boardgames with some women however and have played Magic with them too there, and there everything is natural as normal. I'm not sure what you can use that information for, but I just wanted to let you know of my personal experience with this problem. And it's honestly all on me, of course.
I take the train to work every day, frequently I'll have a deck with me to shuffle through.
A few years ago, a very attractive, very drunk young woman saw me shuffling through my deck, moved her seat next to me, and was all..are those magic cards? I played magic with my friends back in high school....
She sat next to me for like half an hour and ooohhed and ahhed over some of the more well known cards i have....
She wasnt a competative player, but she clearly knew about the game....
We talked we laughed...
And then we got to her stop and she got off the train.
So there's that.....
And my wife owned magic cards before I did...over 20 years ago..
And all of my daughters friends, boys and girls around 10 years old, know about magic. And not just from me....
It sounds like you need a partner who enjoys gaming, whether it's board games or MTG or something else. Once you've established that common interest (or at least establish that she's open to trying games if she isn't a fan already), suggest you play some games together (board games, card games, escape rooms, video games, whatever).
Once you've done those, you can move onto MTG. If she isn't familiar with MTG already, just introduce it as another game -- you can even say it's your favorite. At that point, it'll be just another game, and you can gradually (over the course of a few days/weeks) explain why you like it so much and how you're a collector.
Even if she isn't into it, she'll respect it if she enjoyed all the other games and will see it's something you enjoy.
Btw, I think it's a false assumption that women don't enjoy competitive games. They just don't always enjoy the same competitive games that men do. Every woman in my life (my wife, my sister, my mom, my best friend) all enjoy various types of competitive games -- start there and build on that.
Semi-serious topic - I've recently become single and a common dating conversation is "what are your favorite games" and, obviously, magic is #1 with several thousand bullets. So I usually say magic, and then also some other less-life-consuming board games so I don't sound like the obsessive freak that I am and, presumably, most of the people on this site are.
And then, frequently, they'll say something like "I haven't heard of those, maybe you could teach me sometime" smiley face winky face etc.
Putting aside that I'm obviously killing it on the dating scene, it got me thinking...my natural instinct it to say "well, magic is a huge competitive sport that can cost thousands of dollars, has enormous tournaments across the globe, and millions of nerds who dedicate their lives to getting marginal advantages over each other in every tiny facet of its deep strategy...I spend dozens of hours every week playing it, planning for it, and thinking about it...here, check out my collection, it's worth more an a luxury car, isn't that cool?" But I'm like 90% sure that would send most attractive women running away screaming (not sure on the odds for attractive men, feel free to enlighten me).
Obviously the dream is an SO that shares your passion for the game, but a slow boil is almost certainly necessary to avoid freaking people out. So what's peoples' experiences/theorycrafting on how to get people into the game, especially people who are, y'know, normal functioning (and hopefully attractive) members of society instead of one's nerd friends?
EDH Primers
Phelddagrif - Zirilan
EDH
Thrasios+Bruse - Pang - Sasaya - Wydwen - Feather - Rona - Toshiro - Sylvia+Khorvath - Geth - QMarchesa - Firesong - Athreos - Arixmethes - Isperia - Etali - Silas+Sidar - Saskia - Virtus+Gorm - Kynaios - Naban - Aryel - Mizzix - Kazuul - Tymna+Kraum - Sidar+Tymna - Ayli - Gwendlyn - Phelddagrif 4 - Liliana - Kaervek - Phelddagrif 3 - Mairsil - Scarab - Child - Phenax - Shirei - Thada - Depala - Circu - Kytheon - GrenzoHR - Phelddagrif - Reyhan+Kraum - Toshiro - Varolz - Nin - Ojutai - Tasigur - Zedruu - Uril - Edric - Wort - Zurgo - Nahiri - Grenzo - Kozilek - Yisan - Ink-Treader - Yisan - Brago - Sidisi - Toshiro - Alexi - Sygg - Brimaz - Sek'Kuar - Marchesa - Vish Kal - Iroas - Phelddagrif - Ephara - Derevi - Glissa - Wanderer - Saffi - Melek - Xiahou Dun - Lazav - Lin Sivvi - Zirilan - Glissa
PDH - Drake - Graverobber - Izzet GM - Tallowisp - Symbiote Brawl - Feather - Ugin - Jace - Scarab - Angrath - Vraska - Kumena Oathbreaker - Wrenn&6
It's all well and good to say it's an old tired stereotype, but having played in quite a few stores and major events in several countries, the playerbase - or at least the one showing up to events - has consistently been very, very heavily male. WotC says it's not as split as people think, but either they're talking about kitchen table magic, I'm somehow going to events that are unusually male-focused, or their data is wrong. My (now ex) gf actually had fun playing magic, but was turned off by the disproportionately male attendance at every event. At a certain point it's a self-sustaining problem.
I think it's actually pretty easy to get anyone, regardless of gender, to play casual kitchen-table magic, especially if they don't have any preconceived ideas about it. It's just a fun game to play with starter decks or whatever. The hard part is getting people (especially women) actually interested in the competitive scene, or even the FNM scene, when it's so male-dominated.
EDH Primers
Phelddagrif - Zirilan
EDH
Thrasios+Bruse - Pang - Sasaya - Wydwen - Feather - Rona - Toshiro - Sylvia+Khorvath - Geth - QMarchesa - Firesong - Athreos - Arixmethes - Isperia - Etali - Silas+Sidar - Saskia - Virtus+Gorm - Kynaios - Naban - Aryel - Mizzix - Kazuul - Tymna+Kraum - Sidar+Tymna - Ayli - Gwendlyn - Phelddagrif 4 - Liliana - Kaervek - Phelddagrif 3 - Mairsil - Scarab - Child - Phenax - Shirei - Thada - Depala - Circu - Kytheon - GrenzoHR - Phelddagrif - Reyhan+Kraum - Toshiro - Varolz - Nin - Ojutai - Tasigur - Zedruu - Uril - Edric - Wort - Zurgo - Nahiri - Grenzo - Kozilek - Yisan - Ink-Treader - Yisan - Brago - Sidisi - Toshiro - Alexi - Sygg - Brimaz - Sek'Kuar - Marchesa - Vish Kal - Iroas - Phelddagrif - Ephara - Derevi - Glissa - Wanderer - Saffi - Melek - Xiahou Dun - Lazav - Lin Sivvi - Zirilan - Glissa
PDH - Drake - Graverobber - Izzet GM - Tallowisp - Symbiote Brawl - Feather - Ugin - Jace - Scarab - Angrath - Vraska - Kumena Oathbreaker - Wrenn&6
When dating someone, Magic is something I reveal/properly introduce after a while, and they don't give a ***** by that point. I have actual bad things to scare them away with way before that point, so by then, it usually sticks.
If you just talk about it casually, like "Oh I can't, have to play Magic that day", like, verbally demonstrating that it's maybe weird but completely unthreatening and fine, you should be fine.
OK, answer time. How to actually get them playing. Well, it's basically board game. What I'd suggest is to treat it as such, removing the collectible aspect, and making some simple decks you can vary between. Perhaps give her her favorite and a few other cards to improve it with, and then you can start bringing her to casual events. If anything, you can play with her yourself, which is always cozy.
So my advice would be when trying to get a girl into the game or new players. Is first see if there’s anything fantasy or just like art related they like and show it to them and don’t expect someone to be interested beyond the casual level. Less intimidating for them and makes u seem less obsessive as well not good to overwhelm people let them get more into it as there ready and willing.
My ex wife is a beautiful actress. When I met her, I taught her how to play Magic. She loved it and she played fairly well. She is a great human being and she is really, really attractive. I never "tricked" her to like Magic. I never "tricked" her for anything.
I believe it is totally wrong If you need to "trick" anyone, not just a woman, to like the things you do.
3BB
Sorcery
You lose the game.
Don't think of women or 'attractive people' as somehow fundamentally different from you (in this regard, at least ). Explain what the game is, design some super baseline 'duel decks' style decks to play if they want to (or just buy them; Eldraine has some very striking art to draw people in). Then try to assess interest.
This can be tough because even if they didn't like playing they usually won't say so out of politeness. I imagine this goes double if they're romantically interested in you and they get the impression that it's something important to you.
So pay attention to how interested they seem during the game; how many questions they ask versus just shrugging and nodding when you explain something to them. Hypothetical questions are a dead giveaway for interest because it means they're thinking about the game beyond what's currently in front of them. Magic as a form of creative self-expression thrives off of that sort of interest.
Then you've just gotta be reeeeal patient. They're starting out from square 1; try to remember how you thought about Magic at that point. Artwork is probably very important, and inclusion of cards will probably be based on factors other than effectiveness. As a form of self-expression they're probably going to want to make horrible deckbuilding decisions at first. Don't discourage that, they'll learn eventually. Keep explanations limited to basic game concepts like card advantage and tempo unless they specifically ask for help.
Most players learn through kitchen table magic. I would find some close friends (or maybe inexperienced SOs of close friends!) and start with low-power 60-card-casual decks. 4-player is ideal since 3-player tends to turn into kingmaker.
- Rabid Wombat
I’ve never dated a gamer and it’s been great. When you date a gamer and all you do is game it takes a toll on your normal social life.
I’ve had friends that have dated/married Magic players, when it came time to break up splitting up collections became a nightmare. People all the sudden think that X,Y, and Z cards are theirs not yours. By never dating a Magic player I’ve never had this issue.
Magic is my second favorite activity, but I’m glad to have a partner and life outside of nerdom, it keeps me balanced. Do yourself a favor and keep the separation, once you get into a long term relationship you’ll understand. Just make sure your partner is OK with you getting out to play cards, I’ve had girl friends that hated me going to play cards, and those girls were kind of psycho.
My wife and I have plenty of hobbies and activities we don’t need to add Magic to the mix. And she’s usually ready for me to get out of the house once a week to play cards.
A sign of a healthy relationship is being able to do anything together but also to need time apart. Magic affords us that time apart.
I know that having a girlfriend that plays Magic seems like the dream, but in 99% of cases it’s a recipe for disaster.
Having a gal that doesn’t game helps get me out of the house and into more normal social activities, when I’m single I play way too much Magic, until I get too horny and snap, LOL.
I usually bring up magic fairly early to get a read on it, personally. Mostly because I'm hoping they'll go "omg, you play magic too?!" although this has never happened, lol. Don't think I've ever had anyone be bothered that I mention that I play it, though.
The slow boil is probably the way to go. In theory playing low-powered precons against each other is fun for a bit, but tbh I get bored of it fairly quickly because of the lack of variety (same reason I only play commander and limited). I have had fun playing pack wars with previous gfs, though. Low skill requirements, decent chance they win, and there's still the excitement of variety. TBH I think Magic, as big as it is, is still a small enough percentage of the population that whenever you go on a date, most likely the other person doesn't play. I think, based on attendance of events that I've seen, that if the person you're dating is an attractive woman, the odds are a lot lower that they play (or at least, play seriously). I never said anything about "better" or that they don't like games or any of that stuff. I have no idea where you're getting that. Now, put to the question do I think the average magic player is less attractive than the average non-magic-player? Probably, but I think the gender imbalance is the bigger problem as regards dating and magic.
"Tricked" was verbiage mostly used to make the thread seem spicier than it is. I don't even know how you'd categorize a strategy for getting someone interested in magic as a "trick" vs "not a trick". I guess if you told them some packs have winning lottery tickets inside or something. Obviously that's not my plan. I just want to have a plan that's most likely to get someone I'm interested into magic, without scaring them away. I'm guessing you didn't introduce your ex wife to magic by dumping her into a GP.
Also it sounds like you're not exactly over your ex wife but that's none of my business. Solid, very detailed advice, thanks! Good point about the questions and interest. Not sure how easy it'll be to set up casual groups since I just moved to a new country, though. Interesting perspective. I mean not having interest in magic is not a dealbreaker for me, of course. I think going to GPs was some of the most fun I had with my ex, though (also she thought it was pretty hot when I made it to top 8 of a PTQ, lol). It may not be super obscure but there are plenty of people who haven't heard of it.
Lol another person annoyed at my verbiage instead of my actual content. What exactly would "tricking" someone into playing magic be?
That seems like a guaranteed recipe for failing to get an SO interested. FNMs are usually male-dominated and at least fairly competitive. I think the vast majority of women, put into that situation unprepared, are not going to have a good time. Let alone something more competitive like a GP or PTQ.
But no, it's not a dealbreaker for me. As my biggest hobby, though, it would certainly be nice if my SO at least enjoyed the game enough to understand occasional highlight stories, though.
EDH Primers
Phelddagrif - Zirilan
EDH
Thrasios+Bruse - Pang - Sasaya - Wydwen - Feather - Rona - Toshiro - Sylvia+Khorvath - Geth - QMarchesa - Firesong - Athreos - Arixmethes - Isperia - Etali - Silas+Sidar - Saskia - Virtus+Gorm - Kynaios - Naban - Aryel - Mizzix - Kazuul - Tymna+Kraum - Sidar+Tymna - Ayli - Gwendlyn - Phelddagrif 4 - Liliana - Kaervek - Phelddagrif 3 - Mairsil - Scarab - Child - Phenax - Shirei - Thada - Depala - Circu - Kytheon - GrenzoHR - Phelddagrif - Reyhan+Kraum - Toshiro - Varolz - Nin - Ojutai - Tasigur - Zedruu - Uril - Edric - Wort - Zurgo - Nahiri - Grenzo - Kozilek - Yisan - Ink-Treader - Yisan - Brago - Sidisi - Toshiro - Alexi - Sygg - Brimaz - Sek'Kuar - Marchesa - Vish Kal - Iroas - Phelddagrif - Ephara - Derevi - Glissa - Wanderer - Saffi - Melek - Xiahou Dun - Lazav - Lin Sivvi - Zirilan - Glissa
PDH - Drake - Graverobber - Izzet GM - Tallowisp - Symbiote Brawl - Feather - Ugin - Jace - Scarab - Angrath - Vraska - Kumena Oathbreaker - Wrenn&6
I have been pretty open about my Magic hobby for a while, and basically every time I mention I play it, people go "what's that?", I say, it's that card game with elves and dragons, they're still a big questionmark, and then I google it and they go "oh I've seen that before."
You want to make a woman go to FNM? To a room full of dudes with varying level of social skills who will invariably spend the entire night treating this woman as a weird object? You're right that she's not going to have a good time. I straight up stopped going to releases because I am exhausted by men and all their weird *****, let alone the extra competitive dudes who get extremely uptight about winning 5 packs or whatever.
Look, it's a systemic issue that's not going to be solved by you and it's not going to be solved by pushing your S.O. into uncomfortable situations. It's not because there's anything inherent about women or men and this card game or any game, it's a bunch of historical prejudice that arbitrarily assigned certain attributes like "competitiveness" to arbitrary measurements of genitals and hormone levels. Women will self-select out of these kinds of things for the same reasons dudes will buy large trucks or watch sports even if they're not really invested in either.
That said, this isn't the 90s and more women are playing magic now than ever. They're just playing it with their non-judgmental friends or anonymously online now that there's a decent internet version of magic.
It continues to be deeply unfortunate that the game is called something so generic as "Magic" because honestly, how is anyone supposed to know the difference? Especially when there's an entire genre of magic tricks specifically performed with cards. Far too late to change it, but I'll bet you like $5 the netflix series ends up being named something like "planeswalkers" or something instead.
I'm sure it varies, but "invariably spend the entire night treating this woman as a weird object" has not been my experience. Most people are totally fine. Some people are slightly weird. Once in a blue moon someone is actually rude. I don't know that it's so different from going to a bar, though.
My ex used to go to quite a few magic events, and although she stopped being as interested in magic for the last year or so of our relationship (which is also when she became less interested in me, ZING!) she enjoyed doing 2HG prereleases with me pretty consistently right up to the end. We had very few bad experiences with people (possibly because it's more common for SOs to come to 2HG so people are more used to it, or possibly because no one was operating under the hope that she was available). Unfortunately I never really liked 2HG magic, but I put up with it to try to get/keep her invested in the game, and of course to spend time with her etc. Ideally she would have gotten into commander but the card pool was too overwhelming. I'm crossing fingers that brawl takes off for that reason.
EDH Primers
Phelddagrif - Zirilan
EDH
Thrasios+Bruse - Pang - Sasaya - Wydwen - Feather - Rona - Toshiro - Sylvia+Khorvath - Geth - QMarchesa - Firesong - Athreos - Arixmethes - Isperia - Etali - Silas+Sidar - Saskia - Virtus+Gorm - Kynaios - Naban - Aryel - Mizzix - Kazuul - Tymna+Kraum - Sidar+Tymna - Ayli - Gwendlyn - Phelddagrif 4 - Liliana - Kaervek - Phelddagrif 3 - Mairsil - Scarab - Child - Phenax - Shirei - Thada - Depala - Circu - Kytheon - GrenzoHR - Phelddagrif - Reyhan+Kraum - Toshiro - Varolz - Nin - Ojutai - Tasigur - Zedruu - Uril - Edric - Wort - Zurgo - Nahiri - Grenzo - Kozilek - Yisan - Ink-Treader - Yisan - Brago - Sidisi - Toshiro - Alexi - Sygg - Brimaz - Sek'Kuar - Marchesa - Vish Kal - Iroas - Phelddagrif - Ephara - Derevi - Glissa - Wanderer - Saffi - Melek - Xiahou Dun - Lazav - Lin Sivvi - Zirilan - Glissa
PDH - Drake - Graverobber - Izzet GM - Tallowisp - Symbiote Brawl - Feather - Ugin - Jace - Scarab - Angrath - Vraska - Kumena Oathbreaker - Wrenn&6
Personally I get awkward around women in Magic events even though I don't anywhere else exactly because of the weird climate around them at the events I go to. I want to be welcoming and just treat them as another person, but I feel I get weirdly dismissive because I'm too afraid to make them uncomfortable. Male players, I joke with them and talk cards, female players I rarely speak to in case I start mansplaining why a card is good. I don't have this problem in any other areas of my life, school, work, bars, readings, even other competetive types of events, whatever. I don't actually know whether it shows or not, since I've never gotten on good enough terms with any of the female players I meet through FNMs and such to ask. I play boardgames with some women however and have played Magic with them too there, and there everything is natural as normal. I'm not sure what you can use that information for, but I just wanted to let you know of my personal experience with this problem. And it's honestly all on me, of course.
A few years ago, a very attractive, very drunk young woman saw me shuffling through my deck, moved her seat next to me, and was all..are those magic cards? I played magic with my friends back in high school....
She sat next to me for like half an hour and ooohhed and ahhed over some of the more well known cards i have....
She wasnt a competative player, but she clearly knew about the game....
We talked we laughed...
And then we got to her stop and she got off the train.
So there's that.....
And my wife owned magic cards before I did...over 20 years ago..
And all of my daughters friends, boys and girls around 10 years old, know about magic. And not just from me....
The Precious
B___U___G___R___W
Once you've done those, you can move onto MTG. If she isn't familiar with MTG already, just introduce it as another game -- you can even say it's your favorite. At that point, it'll be just another game, and you can gradually (over the course of a few days/weeks) explain why you like it so much and how you're a collector.
Even if she isn't into it, she'll respect it if she enjoyed all the other games and will see it's something you enjoy.
Btw, I think it's a false assumption that women don't enjoy competitive games. They just don't always enjoy the same competitive games that men do. Every woman in my life (my wife, my sister, my mom, my best friend) all enjoy various types of competitive games -- start there and build on that.