Hey guys. This is an essay I wrote for my College level English Composition class. Disclaimer-I know Im not a total expert at Magic, the only reason I said that is because that was the prompt. Comments and criticism are welcome.
Every single person on this planet is a master of something. Whether it is something we do for fun, or something we master through having to do it over and over, everyone has at least one thing. As for myself, I actually have many hobbies and interests, ranging from playing guitar to collecting sneakers to cooking, but the one I have chosen to write about is the one hobby that has stuck with me the longest out of all of them. I’m talking about playing with and collecting Magic: The Gathering cards. I have been playing and collecting for over 10 years, and it is something I can always pick up and do; I love the game and the mental challenge it entails. I believe it is safe to call me an expert at the game, due to my experience with it, as well as my competitive experience.
Magic: The Gathering is a trading card created by Whitman College Mathematics professor Richard Garfield in 1993. The initial set, dubbed Alpha, was a homebrew affair, and had many printing errors and inconsistencies between the cards. Despite all of this, the game caught on like wildfire, and the first print run was eaten up within the first 6 months of the game’s release. Eventually, players began independently designing expansion sets, which were then forwarded to Garfield for review. The first official expansion was released later at the end of 1993, titled Arabian Nights. The release of the expansion was also accompanied by two rereleases of alpha, with the errors corrected; the rereleases were titled Beta and Unlimited. Both the reissues and the expansion sold fabulously well. Because of this, Garfield assembled a team of designers and joined the gaming company, Wizards of the Coast, who owns and operates the game today. Since then, there have been 50 new expansion sets, as well as 11 different “Core Set” reissues.
The game itself has many variant formats, but the most common is the straightforward two-person head to head match. Each player has a deck of typically 60 cards, and they each start at 20 life. The main objective of the game is to reduce your opponent’s life to zero, though there are other ways to win. The main way to reduce your opponent’s life is to attack them with the creature cards you play throughout the game. In addition to creatures, there are various artifact and enchantment cards that provide bonuses to your cause, as well as instant spells and sorcery spells that provide a one-time benefit and then are discarded. While the core of the game is playing spells, this couldn’t be accomplished without land cards. Each of the 5 colors of Magic has a basic land cards they use to play spells. Land cards produce mana, which is a resource usable for a turn to play spells. Of course, more powerful spells cost more mana to play, and because you are restricted to playing one land a turn, these usually don’t show up until late in the game. A key part of deckbuilding is striking a balance between the amounts of land in your deck, relative to the amount and cost of the spells in your deck. The rule essentials of Magic are easy to learn, but the infinite nuances of the game take years to pick up on, and such is the strategic beauty of the game.
The cards of Magic are divided into five different colors. The colors are White, Blue, Black, Red and Green. Each color represents a different sort of play style and from a flavor standpoint, what sort of mage you are. White is the color of order, law and righteousness. White cards tend to favor defense and protection, as well as hindering your opponent’s resources while beating their face in with a majestic angel. Blue is the color of knowledge, logic and manipulation. Blue mages tend to work a permission-based strategy, only letting their opponents play what they want them to play and waiting for the perfect time to strike. Black is the color of greed and death. Black cards often focus on giving up anything, be it creatures, cards or life, in order to gain an edge over the opponent. Red is the color of passion and destruction. Red mages use the elements to burn opponents and their creatures to a crisp, while hitting fast and hard with creatures of their own. And Finally, Green is the color of life, instinct and nature. Green mages tend to favor larger creatures and manipulate their mana in order to get big threats out early. Each color is a blast to play, and they are often very balanced against each other, each of them having weaknesses and advantages.
As far as my personal experience with the game, I have been playing since about 3rd grade, so around 10 years. My best friend at the time’s dad had been playing since the release of Alpha, and had a massive collection of cards, literally two laundry baskets full. Naturally, my friend and I were curious so we used to spend hours just looking at the cards until his dad finally showed us how to play. The rest is history. I played casually until about 7th grade, when I lost interest in the game. The interest sparked back up my junior year of high school, when I learned my then bandmates used to play. I found my old collection and we began playing every weekend. After about a year of doing this, I became bored with my old collection of cards and looked toward the new expansions and tournament scene. Since this summer, I have been competing in local tournaments and doing very well. This spring I intend to qualify to play the game professionally in the summer pro tour circuit, which has over $230,000 in prizes.
In my personal opinion, there is no game more flavorful and immersive than Magic: The Gathering. I have literally logged hundreds of hours playing, deckbuilding, and strategizing, not to mention the hundreds of dollars I have sunk into my collection, which is thousands of cards strong. I have an intense passion for the game and everything about it, and not a whole lot in my life compares to brilliantly outwitting my opponent with a crucial play. It seem juvenile and silly to some, but to me, it’s more than a game. It’s an outlet for my creativity, a way to pass some time, and it always gives my busy brain something to ponder, not to mention its just plain fun. I love teaching people how to play and I love seeing them develop an appreciation for the game and what it has accomplished. Yes, I think it is easy enough to say that I am an expert at Magic: The Gathering.
Interesting. I like it. A few years ago, I wrote a paper about World of Warcraft and the sense of accomplishment one can get out of it for a college paper about something we do for fun and why others should try it. A paper.
Out of curiosity, can you post what the original prompt was that lead you to using Magic as your paper topic?
Private Mod Note
():
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Standard: BRG Jund Midrange GRB //// B Vampire Aggro B //// WRU Patriot Control URW
Extended: RGW Zoo WGR
Legacy: RUG Canadian Thresh GUR
Thanks! It was a really easy paper to write, and I honestly couldve gone on for probably two or so pages more about the ins and out of the game, but I tried to stay concise.
The original prompt was just to write about something that we do that we are an expert at.
You give a lot of background information, which is useful, but a reader unfamiliar with the game will likely come away confused*. I might have spent some time explicitly outlining a framework for what qualifies one as an expert at Magic. I feel that would better address the original question.
*I honestly don't think explaining Magic with text alone is possible. Visual aids are an absolute must in that regard. Did you provide website links in your bibliography? For the reader that might assist their frame of reference.
Not sure "beating their face" is appropriate wording for college level writing but I did lol, as it were. The use of the phrase actually felt disjointed to me, as you had previously used the word attack. Colorful though its may be I'm not sure it was the best choice there. Having said that you might get a Prof. who just loves color more than consistency in writing. English professors tend to put a lot of stock in interpretation.
Suggestion: strengths and weaknesses OR advantages and disadvantages. The juxtaposition of the two ideas sounds better when paired as such.
Suggestion, paragraph 5: At the time, my best friend's Dad had been playing (less clunky).
Suggestion, paragraph 6: I have logged hundreds and hundreds of hours playing, deckbuilding, and strategizing, not to mention the hundreds of dollars I have sunk into my collection, which is now thousands of cards strong. (I dislike using the term literally, preferring instead to stress via repetition. However, I am still not entirely happy with how many commas are used in this sentence and would probably reword/rewrite the entire thing were it my paper).
Bear in mind I have not written a college level paper in a number of years. I do, however, teach English as a second language. As such, I write and proofread things all the time. Hopefully the advice here is helpful to you.
There are a few mistakes:
"It seem juvenile and silly to some"
"its just plain fun"
In general, things are pretty well proofed.
There are plenty of unneccessary words and clauses in there "As far as my personal experience", "In my personal opinion"-- these tend to make the prof think you are just trying to use extra words to fill your 500 word minimum or whatever. And I might watch out for Magic jargon like "deckbuilding" and "beating face". And I might get rid of cliches like "took off like wildfire." But in general you will be fine. You explain things well enough and you should be safe enough in the spelling/grammar dept.
What was the prompt for the essay? Although the essay was fine as an entry-level article to Magic I think it might have gone too far into the details of the game for an academic essay. The history was fine though.
If I had wrote the essay I would have related it to real world mechanics and strategy. The card game that most people are familiar with is Poker and I would have assessed Magic as a valid card game as well by explaining bluffing and other mental games you can play with your opponent (again, without getting into the jargon of Magic).
Reading the following article (if you know what all the Legacy cards in that article do as well as the deck Next Level Storm) can help you realize how in depth you need to to analyze the situation you are in and successfully react to it:
Not to seem unduly harsh, but it doesn't seem to pay much attention to it's own structure. It tries to do several things, but never settles down and does one of them especially well.
The most popular styles of essays that instructors will most often ask you to write are: Persuasive/argumentative, Comparison, Descriptive, Evaluation, and Narrative.
Your essay jumps around, dabbles in what would be a descriptive essay about magic, tries to establish itself as a persuasive essay at the outset, and dances around being a narrative essay when you talk of your own experience.
From your main point, which I assume is that "I am an expert at Magic: The Gathering", it looks like you want to write a persuasive/argumentative essay.
The biggest things I notice is that you never quite get around to making a formal thesis statement, and thus never support that statement. Most instructors will teach students to do this by offering them a five paragraph method for writing essays... in the first paragraph you have an intrest statement that draws the reader in, and builds up to your thesis statement. The second, third and fourth paragraphs all exist to add support to the claim you make in your thesis statement. The fifth paragraph then restates your thesis statement, states your conclusions and closes out the paper.
Now, other formats would have to be used if you were trying to write a descriptive essay about the history of the game, or a narrative essay about your experiences.
If that's your ides of a college level essay, you're not going to be in college very long. It lacks structure, make fascious claims (Everyone is a master at something? WTF?), assumes a ****ton of knoledge from the reader to even be remotely understandable.
Magic: The Gathering is a trading card created by Whitman College Mathematics professor Richard Garfield in 1993. The initial set, dubbed Alpha, was a homebrew affair, and had many printing errors and inconsistencies between the cards. Despite all of this, the game caught on like wildfire, and the first print run was eaten up within the first 6 months of the game’s release. Eventually, players began independently designing expansion sets, which were then forwarded to Garfield for review. The first official expansion was released later at the end of 1993, titled Arabian Nights. The release of the expansion was also accompanied by two rereleases of alpha, with the errors corrected; the rereleases were titled Beta and Unlimited. Both the reissues and the expansion sold fabulously well. Because of this, Garfield assembled a team of designers and joined the gaming company, Wizards of the Coast, who owns and operates the game today. Since then, there have been 50 new expansion sets, as well as 11 different “Core Set” reissues.
The game itself has many variant formats, but the most common is the straightforward two-person head to head match. Each player has a deck of typically 60 cards, and they each start at 20 life. The main objective of the game is to reduce your opponent’s life to zero, though there are other ways to win. The main way to reduce your opponent’s life is to attack them with the creature cards you play throughout the game. In addition to creatures, there are various artifact and enchantment cards that provide bonuses to your cause, as well as instant spells and sorcery spells that provide a one-time benefit and then are discarded. While the core of the game is playing spells, this couldn’t be accomplished without land cards. Each of the 5 colors of Magic has a basic land cards they use to play spells. Land cards produce mana, which is a resource usable for a turn to play spells. Of course, more powerful spells cost more mana to play, and because you are restricted to playing one land a turn, these usually don’t show up until late in the game. A key part of deckbuilding is striking a balance between the amounts of land in your deck, relative to the amount and cost of the spells in your deck. The rule essentials of Magic are easy to learn, but the infinite nuances of the game take years to pick up on, and such is the strategic beauty of the game.
The cards of Magic are divided into five different colors. The colors are White, Blue, Black, Red and Green. Each color represents a different sort of play style and from a flavor standpoint, what sort of mage you are. White is the color of order, law and righteousness. White cards tend to favor defense and protection, as well as hindering your opponent’s resources while beating their face in with a majestic angel. Blue is the color of knowledge, logic and manipulation. Blue mages tend to work a permission-based strategy, only letting their opponents play what they want them to play and waiting for the perfect time to strike. Black is the color of greed and death. Black cards often focus on giving up anything, be it creatures, cards or life, in order to gain an edge over the opponent. Red is the color of passion and destruction. Red mages use the elements to burn opponents and their creatures to a crisp, while hitting fast and hard with creatures of their own. And Finally, Green is the color of life, instinct and nature. Green mages tend to favor larger creatures and manipulate their mana in order to get big threats out early. Each color is a blast to play, and they are often very balanced against each other, each of them having weaknesses and advantages.
As far as my personal experience with the game, I have been playing since about 3rd grade, so around 10 years. My best friend at the time’s dad had been playing since the release of Alpha, and had a massive collection of cards, literally two laundry baskets full. Naturally, my friend and I were curious so we used to spend hours just looking at the cards until his dad finally showed us how to play. The rest is history. I played casually until about 7th grade, when I lost interest in the game. The interest sparked back up my junior year of high school, when I learned my then bandmates used to play. I found my old collection and we began playing every weekend. After about a year of doing this, I became bored with my old collection of cards and looked toward the new expansions and tournament scene. Since this summer, I have been competing in local tournaments and doing very well. This spring I intend to qualify to play the game professionally in the summer pro tour circuit, which has over $230,000 in prizes.
In my personal opinion, there is no game more flavorful and immersive than Magic: The Gathering. I have literally logged hundreds of hours playing, deckbuilding, and strategizing, not to mention the hundreds of dollars I have sunk into my collection, which is thousands of cards strong. I have an intense passion for the game and everything about it, and not a whole lot in my life compares to brilliantly outwitting my opponent with a crucial play. It seem juvenile and silly to some, but to me, it’s more than a game. It’s an outlet for my creativity, a way to pass some time, and it always gives my busy brain something to ponder, not to mention its just plain fun. I love teaching people how to play and I love seeing them develop an appreciation for the game and what it has accomplished. Yes, I think it is easy enough to say that I am an expert at Magic: The Gathering.
UBlue mage at heartU
Out of curiosity, can you post what the original prompt was that lead you to using Magic as your paper topic?
BRG Jund Midrange GRB //// B Vampire Aggro B //// WRU Patriot Control URW
Extended:
RGW Zoo WGR
Legacy:
RUG Canadian Thresh GUR
EDH:
U Arcum Dagsson U //// WB Teysa, Orzhov Scion BW //// UR Jhoira of the Ghitu RU
Special thanks to spiderboy4 of High~Light Studios for the banner
The original prompt was just to write about something that we do that we are an expert at.
UBlue mage at heartU
*I honestly don't think explaining Magic with text alone is possible. Visual aids are an absolute must in that regard. Did you provide website links in your bibliography? For the reader that might assist their frame of reference.
Not sure "beating their face" is appropriate wording for college level writing but I did lol, as it were. The use of the phrase actually felt disjointed to me, as you had previously used the word attack. Colorful though its may be I'm not sure it was the best choice there. Having said that you might get a Prof. who just loves color more than consistency in writing. English professors tend to put a lot of stock in interpretation.
Suggestion: strengths and weaknesses OR advantages and disadvantages. The juxtaposition of the two ideas sounds better when paired as such.
Suggestion, paragraph 5: At the time, my best friend's Dad had been playing (less clunky).
Suggestion, paragraph 6: I have logged hundreds and hundreds of hours playing, deckbuilding, and strategizing, not to mention the hundreds of dollars I have sunk into my collection, which is now thousands of cards strong. (I dislike using the term literally, preferring instead to stress via repetition. However, I am still not entirely happy with how many commas are used in this sentence and would probably reword/rewrite the entire thing were it my paper).
Bear in mind I have not written a college level paper in a number of years. I do, however, teach English as a second language. As such, I write and proofread things all the time. Hopefully the advice here is helpful to you.
"It seem juvenile and silly to some"
"its just plain fun"
In general, things are pretty well proofed.
There are plenty of unneccessary words and clauses in there "As far as my personal experience", "In my personal opinion"-- these tend to make the prof think you are just trying to use extra words to fill your 500 word minimum or whatever. And I might watch out for Magic jargon like "deckbuilding" and "beating face". And I might get rid of cliches like "took off like wildfire." But in general you will be fine. You explain things well enough and you should be safe enough in the spelling/grammar dept.
If I had wrote the essay I would have related it to real world mechanics and strategy. The card game that most people are familiar with is Poker and I would have assessed Magic as a valid card game as well by explaining bluffing and other mental games you can play with your opponent (again, without getting into the jargon of Magic).
Reading the following article (if you know what all the Legacy cards in that article do as well as the deck Next Level Storm) can help you realize how in depth you need to to analyze the situation you are in and successfully react to it:
http://emidln.blogspot.com/2009/09/this-situation-was-proposed-on-storm.html
Not to seem unduly harsh, but it doesn't seem to pay much attention to it's own structure. It tries to do several things, but never settles down and does one of them especially well.
The most popular styles of essays that instructors will most often ask you to write are: Persuasive/argumentative, Comparison, Descriptive, Evaluation, and Narrative.
Your essay jumps around, dabbles in what would be a descriptive essay about magic, tries to establish itself as a persuasive essay at the outset, and dances around being a narrative essay when you talk of your own experience.
From your main point, which I assume is that "I am an expert at Magic: The Gathering", it looks like you want to write a persuasive/argumentative essay.
The biggest things I notice is that you never quite get around to making a formal thesis statement, and thus never support that statement. Most instructors will teach students to do this by offering them a five paragraph method for writing essays... in the first paragraph you have an intrest statement that draws the reader in, and builds up to your thesis statement. The second, third and fourth paragraphs all exist to add support to the claim you make in your thesis statement. The fifth paragraph then restates your thesis statement, states your conclusions and closes out the paper.
Now, other formats would have to be used if you were trying to write a descriptive essay about the history of the game, or a narrative essay about your experiences.