Not every story ends on a good note, and not every hero gets a good ending. Today, we're going to remedy that, and give a character a shot at redemption.
Main challenge: Choose a modern-legal set and a legendary creature card or planeswalker card from that set that is important to that block's story. Design an alternate version of that card that either represents a different version of their past or a possible version of their future.
Subchallenge 1: Your card has a different converted mana cost than the original. If your new card is a creature, it has a different power and toughness. If your new card is a planeswalker, it has a different starting loyalty.
Subchallenge 2: Your card has a different color identity from the original, and the change in color identity is flavorfully reflected in a change in philosophy of the new card.
Main Challenge
Your card doesn't have to stay the same card type; you could turn a planeswalker into a legendary creature, and vice versa.
Subchallenge 2
Your new card can have overlap in its color identity, but it cannot be exactly the same.
A reminder to everyone: In the MCC, putting rarity on cards is mandatory! If you don't put a rarity on your card, expect huge deductions in both Viability AND Quality.
Also, you should format your text cards accordingly to the forum rules (see the "this formatting looks best" spoiler in the linked OP). Again, expect deductions in Quality otherwise.
Design - (X/3) Appeal: Do the different player psychographics (Timmy/Johhny/Spike) have a use for the card? (X/3) Elegance: Is the card easily understandable at a glance? Do all the flavor and mechanics combined as a whole make sense?
Development - (X/3) Viability: How well does the card fit into the color wheel? Does it break or bend the rules of the game? Is it the appropriate rarity? (X/3) Balance: Does the card have a power level appropriate for contemporary constructed/limited environments without breaking them? Does it play well in casual and multiplayer formats? Does it create or fit into a deck/archetype? Does it create an oppressive environment?
Creativity - (X/3) Uniqueness: Has a card like this ever been printed before? Does it use new mechanics, ideas, or design space? Does it combine old ideas in a new way? Overall, does it feel “fresh”? (X/3) Flavor: Does the name seem realistic for a card? Does the flavor text sound professional? Do all the flavor elements synch together to please Vorthos players?
Polish - (X/3) Quality: Points deducted for incorrect spelling, grammar, and templating. (X/2) *Main Challenge: Was the main challenge satisfied? Was it approached in a unique or interesting way? Does the card fit the intent of the challenge? (X/2) Subchallenges: One point awarded per satisfied subchallenge condition.
Total: X/25
*An entry with 0 points here is subject to disqualification.
DEADLINES
Design deadline: Friday, August 4th 2017 23:59 EDT
Basam the Benevolent2GW
Legendary Creature - God (M)
Vigilance, indestructible
Basam the Benevolent can't attack or block unless you control at least three nonbasic lands. 1GW, Sacrifice a basic land: Search your library for a nonbasic land card and put it onto the battlefield tapped. Then shuffle your library.
6/6
(The idea was inspired by this picture. Basam, god of Farming become The Locust God because locust does exactly the opposite - I mean, eating the cultivated lands).
Glissa, the SaviorGW
Legendary Creature - Elf Warrior (M)
Vigilance, lifelink T: Destroy target artifact if its converted mana cost less than or equal to the amount of life you gained this turn. She had once saved Mirrodin from the clutches of Memnarch. Now, an even greater threat jeopardizes the plane.
2/1
Konda, Vengeful Progenitor6WB
Legendary Creature - Spirit Samurai (M)
Indestructible
Konda, Vengeful Progenitor has bushido X, where X is your life total. (Whenever this creature blocks or becomes blocked, it gets +X/+X until end of turn.)
Whenever Konda deals combat damage to a player, you may exchange life totals with that player.
4/4
Dragon's Maze - Lavinia of the Tenth Lavinia, Sunhome Vanguard2RW
Legendary Creature - Human Soldier (R)
Vigilance, protection from creatures
When Lavinia, Sunhome Vanguard enters the battlefield, until your next turn, creatures your opponents control attack you or a planeswalker you control if able. "The feeling of facing transgressors head on, without warrants or extensive backup, is something that the Azorius will never experience nor understand."
5/1
Design - (1/3) Appeal: Spike enjoys it, the other two demographics don't care at all. (2.5/3) Elegance: Obligatory half point off for protection, especially non standard protections.
Development - (3/3) Viability: White gives the top line, red gives the bottom. (2.5/3) Balance: Totally fine for constructed. Perhaps a little swingy as a limited rare, this falls into the "Have a removal spell or lose" camp.
Creativity - (2/3) Uniqueness: Mass provoke effects have been done several times, and Goblin Diplomats has a similar "Come at me bro!" flavoring. The combo with a powerful blocker has not been done though (to my surprise, I Gatherer checked this). (3/3) Flavor: Nailed it.
Basam the Benevolent2GW
Legendary Creature - God (M)
Vigilance, indestructible
Basam the Benevolent can't attack or block unless you control at least three nonbasic lands. 1GW, Sacrifice a basic land: Search your library for a nonbasic land card and put it onto the battlefield tapped. Then shuffle your library.
6/6
Design - (2.5/3) Appeal: Spike is sold on power level. Johnny might like a land toolbox/combo, although the basic land requirement makes an expansive toolbox/combo difficult. Timmy like the large hard to murder booty, although I'm not sure if they'd appreciate the requirement. (2.5/3) Elegance: The established God template helps clarity, though it's still pretty complex.
Development - (3/3) Viability:Knight of the Reliquary gives the thumbs up... (1.5/3) Balance: The current GW standard list (Ramp) runs 21 nonbasics out of 26, giving like 85% odds of naturally having 3 nonbasics on four land drops, and any non-aggro GW deck could run a mana base like that. So this feels awfully close to a straight up 4 mana 6/6 vigilance indestructible in constructed that nothing can actually kill (sans Dec in Stone and Anguished Unmaking), which seems... excessive.
Creativity - (2/3) Uniqueness: ... and then consults her attorney for infringement. They are doing somewhat different things with the ability though. (3/3) Flavor: Does the name seem realistic for a card? Does the flavor text sound professional? Do all the flavor elements synch together to please Vorthos players?
Glissa, the SaviorGW
Legendary Creature - Elf Warrior (M)
Vigilance, lifelink T: Destroy target artifact if its converted mana cost less than or equal to the amount of life you gained this turn. She had once saved Mirrodin from the clutches of Memnarch. Now, an even greater threat jeopardizes the plane.
2/1
Design - (1/3) Appeal: Spike is somewhat interested, and a lifegain Timmy would mb run it though wouldn't be super thrilled. (3/3) Elegance: Straightforward enough.
Development - (2.5/3) Viability: Color pie is fine, probably should be a rare. (2.5/3) Balance: Pretty weak for a mythic in Standard/Limited, though hilariously enough it has some powered cube potential since it can snipe Moxen/crypts at will (and mb moonlight as a Trygon Predator from time to time). I agree with doomfish's suggestion of giving it first strike if you want to keep it mythic.
Creativity - (3/3) Uniqueness: This does share the same structure as Glissa 1.0, but they play so differently in practice I think it just carves its own space. (3/3) Flavor: Very nice, and the mechanical callback is gravy.
Polish - (2.5/3) Quality: "...you've gained this turn." (2/2) *Main Challenge: Yep. (2/2) Subchallenges: Different than both Glissas!
Total: 21.5/25
*An entry with 0 points here is subject to disqualification.
Konda, Vengeful Progenitor6WB
Legendary Creature - Spirit Samurai (M)
Indestructible
Konda, Vengeful Progenitor has bushido X, where X is your life total. (Whenever this creature blocks or becomes blocked, it gets +X/+X until end of turn.)
Whenever Konda deals combat damage to a player, you may exchange life totals with that player.
4/4
Design - (1/3) Appeal: A Timmy card through and through. (2/3) Elegance: There's an awkward tension between hitting an opponent and then potentially swapping that lowered life total to you.
Development - (3/3) Viability: Yep yep. (1.5/3) Balance: This is pretty far on the weak side (nailing that Kawigama block feel!), even for a Timmy centric mythic this could be pushed a little more. My suggestion would have the swap happen BEFORE he deals his power in damage.
Creativity - (3/3) Uniqueness: Yep. (2.5/3) Flavor:I admit I'm not super familiar with kawigama flavor (I know the broad story beats but nothing beyond that), lemme skim a summary and get back to this. Well the lifeswap is appropriate, especially with a Reverse the Sands flavoring. Still the pivot isn't quite as clear here; as far as I can tell Konda was a dick even when he was mono-white with decent intentions for his kingdom, I'm not sure this card shows a super strong pivot from there.
Design - (2.5/3) Appeal: Certainly a big one for Timmy/Tammy and it's powerful, so Spike is interested. Most players however will have mixed feeling about spending 4 mana on a 1 toughness creature. (2.5/3) Elegance: That attack clause is a bit on the complex side. Once you got it it's simple enough.
Development - (2/3) Viability: Protection is no longer done, except in super rare cases and I feel like this could have very well been just "Prevent all damage dealt to ~ by creatures." (2.5/3) Balance: Protection from creatures at rare is rather worrysome, as that can be very easily game breaking in limited. In other formats this is playable, but easily dies to any removal should it be too much of a problem. The effect gets through anyways and can be worked with, so that's good.
Creativity - (2.5/3) Uniqueness: Interesting take on the forced attack to make it work with multiplayer. The combination with a strong blocker is fun. Nothing terribly new though. (3/3) Flavor: The line between Azorius and Boros is slim and someone changing between guilds is very believable.
Polish - (2.5/3) Quality: The wording on goad tells me this had to be "When Lavinia, Sunhome Vanguard enters the battlefield, until your next turn, creatures your opponents control attack each combat and attack you or a planeswalker you control if able." (2/2) Main Challenge: Sure. (2/2) Subchallenges: Check and check.
Total: 21.5/25
Design - (3/3) Appeal: Gods appear to be a big hit with the playerbase. I'd imagine constructed players would be all over a 4 mana 6/6 vigilance indestructible with virtually no downside. (2.5/3) Elegance: In a way caring about basic lands and non basic lands in different ways is strange, even if the "caring about basic lands" boils down to converting them to non basics. In the end it helps out with playability.
Development - (2/3) Viability: I don't think I see a whole lot of white in here. Vigilance doesn't necessarily need white, as it's secondarily in green. This could just as well be a mono green god. Rarity is appropriate of course. (1/3) Balance: I'm happy about a god that's hard to activate in limited. But this card is immensily problematic. Most other gods can be deactivated by destroying the resources they care about, but land destruction isn't in the game anymore, so that's not a way to deal with this. Combine that with the fact that practicially every constructed deck runs almost exclusively non-basics (or at least can easily do so if you want to) and this is an unstoppable force that can even be used to fetch Cloud Posts and similar things. To me this just is a 6/6 indestructible for 4 mana. That's hardly okay.
Creativity - (2/3) Uniqueness: Fetching exlusively for non basic lands is interesting. A god caring about lands this way also hasn't been done. Other than that this doesn't innovate on the god design space. (3/3) Flavor: An excellent idea to show the original form of one of the nameless gods.
Polish - (3/3) Quality: Looks good. (2/2) Main Challenge: Certainly. (2/2) Subchallenges: Check and 180° turn for sure.
Total: 20.5/25
Design - (0/3) Appeal: Let's take a step back and think about this: Who enjoys 2 mana 2/1 creatures that hate on artifacts in lifegain decks? I can't think of anyone. Sure, it's self activated artifact hate, but only if there are no blockers besides Ornithopters! (3/3) Elegance: The combination of a tap-activated ability together with vigilance is nice and the card is simple enough. Everything ties into eachother.
Development - (2.5/3) Viability: White and lifegain, green and artifact destruction. While this could be entirely in white, the artifact destruction is deeper in green. Not sure what is Mythic about this. It's neither splashy nor complex. (1.5/3) Balance: This could have done with First Strike. Like this, it's a 2 mana 2/1 that very occasionally gets you artifact destruction. Unacceptable for a mythic rare and a story relevant legendary that should be high profile.
Creativity - (3/3) Uniqueness: Tying the artifact destruction to lifegain like this is a neat idea and a cool twist on Glissa's original ability. (3/3) Flavor: This is a realistic take on a Glissa that escaped corruption and is now fighting the good fight.
Polish - (3/3) Quality: Looks good. (2/2) Main Challenge: Satisfied. (2/2) Subchallenges: Check and check.
Total: 20/25
Design - (3/3) Appeal: It's big! It's got combo potential! And it's legendary! Timmy/Tammy and Johnny/Jenny and the commander crowd should be thrilled. (3/3) Elegance: There's a lot to this card, but in the end they are simple effects with huge impact. The parts also work well together.
Development - (3/3) Viability: Bushido equal to your life total justifies white and life swapping justifies black. Mythic rare is very appropriate. (3/3) Balance: This is incredibly hard to evaluate. Combining this with lifesteal or trample is super scary. Then again you can always just let this go through. I don't think the life total swapping is a big deal, since you already chipped 4 off of that. At 8 mana, how bad can this possibly be for any format?
Creativity - (3/3) Uniqueness: Interesting take on Bushido. Life swapping for combat damage is also a unique way of doing it. (3/3) Flavor: Ah yes, ancestor cult is a good fit for Kamigawa. The card has a Konda feeling to it with some added malevolence.
Polish - (3/3) Quality: Looks good. (2/2) Main Challenge: Futuristic! (1/2) Subchallenges: The first subchallenge checks out. Regarding the secone one - it does have a different color identity. However Konda used to be a megalomaniac ruler, a perfect example of a white villian and I don't feel much has changed. He seems to still pursue the quest for eternal "life".
Multiple instances of lifelink on the same creature are redundant.
Multiple instances of lifelink on the same creature are redundant.
Multiple instances of lifelink on the same creature are redundant.
—Eli Shiffrin, Rules Manager, on a design stacking lifelink instances
Lavinia, Sunhome Vanguard2RW
Legendary Creature - Human Soldier (R)
Vigilance, protection from creatures
When Lavinia, Sunhome Vanguard enters the battlefield, until your next turn, creatures your opponents control attack you or a planeswalker you control if able. "The feeling of facing transgressors head on, without warrants or extensive backup, is something that the Azorius will never experience nor understand."
5/1
Design - (2.5/3) Appeal: If only this were an angel, this would be a 10/10 for Timmy. Johnny thinks the card is too obvious and self-contained, but might possibly try using it as a convoluted blink target, and Spike cackles maniachly at the prosect of forcing opponents to attack into this thing (2/3) Elegance: If a card can be both complicated and elegant, it's this one. I really dislike "until your next turn" effects because of the memory issues they cause, but I can't deny how well everything fits together here. Not being as harsh as I feel inclined to be.
Development - (1.5/3) Viability: I did some digging, cause the taunt effect didn't strike me like a very red or white thing to do. Red definitely has a lot of forced attacking, but never with the stipulation of choosing WHO gets attacked. Master Warcraft I think comes the closest, since you can choose how the creatures block. On the other hand, blue is the only color I'm aware of with this particular effect, and it's very uncommon. Maybe R/W is an acceptable way to reintroduce it? I don't personally think so, but I'm not gonna throw the book at you for it. Rarity-wise, this is borderline too good at rare in limited. What's keeping me from saying you definitely got the rarity wrong is that the taunt effect only triggers once. (2/3) Balance: It slots into basically any red OR white limited deck, and will frequently win the game on its own. Bombs are allowed to do that sometimes, of course. I just can't help thinking it would get oppressive quickly. It's easy to remove with noncombat damage by the time it comes down, and the trigger only happens once.. I'm just still skeptical that this is a fair card in limited. It might find a home in some standard decks, but will be an absolute EDH darling. Such a powerful, board-wide effect that can be easily blinked.
Creativity - (2/3) Uniqueness: These two keywords sound relatively unique together, but as you'll see in Flavor, this is very much not the case. Vigilance creatures that get blocking bonuses aren't new at all, but this card in particular has a fun balance between hyper-aggression and strategic defense. Cards with high power and 1 toughness are also not especially unique in-and-of themselves, but the interplay between the uncommon, risky P/T and the vigilance/protection/mass lure effect is definitely spicy enough for a point. (0.5/3) Flavor: (I'm scoring flavor very strictly on account of how central it is to this particular challenge. Flavor scores will start at 0. Entries must earn more points than they lose in order to come out ahead on this one)
The good: The dig on Azorius in the flavor text gives a satisfying zing. Overall the mechanics feel Boros-ish, with some reservations. There's never been a red vanguard, and that term in Magic is an unofficial signifier of solid defenses, as evidenced here and here. A 5/1 shouldn't normally be able to be a vanguard, but giving this vigilance I think takes care of all of those quibbles. This represents a reasonably well-executed red vanguard.
The bad: This exact combination of keyword abilities can already be found on another Dragons Maze legend, and an Orzhov one. That's a pretty big Vorthos fail, there. And you seem to be forgetting that the Boros are a LEGION. They don't rush in without backup; they thrive on teamwork and combat synergies. Seriously, this same set featured the BATALLION keyword!
Polish - (3/3) Quality: I see no errors. (2/2) *Main Challenge: Sticking to just mechanics, I got a good chuckle out of how you designed the total opposite of a mass arrest. (2/2) Subchallenges: Despite my relatively harsh review of the card so far, I think you basically nailed both subchallenges.
Total: 17.5/25
*An entry with 0 points here is subject to disqualification.
Basam the Benevolent2GW
Legendary Creature - God (M)
Vigilance, indestructible
Basam the Benevolent can't attack or block unless you control at least three nonbasic lands. 1GW, Sacrifice a basic land: Search your library for a nonbasic land card and put it onto the battlefield tapped. Then shuffle your library.
6/6
Design - (3/3) Appeal: Simply put, I see all the archetypes fnding favor with this for different reasons. Timmy will make it work despite the drawback. Johnny will use the drawback, and Spike will build so as to minimize the drawback. (3/3) Elegance: Very clean. Plays well with itself, but isn't totally self-contained. Simple to understand, but still interesting to consider.
Development - (1/3) Viability: So, this is on the strong end of the spectrum for a CMC4 6/6. It needs to be mythic because of how much shop it will wreck in limited, which it is. Now, there's a big issue with the colors. Green often refers to nonbasic lands, but always while punishing opponents for playing them, never as an incentive to play them yourself. White has much fewer references to nonbasic lands, but it always treats them the same as green. A G/W card that rewards you for playing nonbasics (and even sacs your basics for nonbasics!) is simply an egregious color break. (1.5/3) Balance: Power level might just destroy any limited game it's a part of, since it's very tough to remove. Its main drawback isn't so bad since it's fine just sitting around for a few turns. It's definitely a bomb, at the very least. In standard, the drawback will sometimes be a complete non-issue, making this easily overpowered with little effort. Throw in a Ramunap Excavator, and this becomes an effective ramp engine as well as an offensive AND defensive powerhouse. I think the card just does too much too well for limited and standard. Eternal formats have better tools available to keep this in check, and there are better ways to fetch nonbasics in commander. It'll get played in budget decks, so as not to have to fill them with as many expensive nonbasics, maybe, but I doubt it'll be a G/W staple.
Creativity - (3/3) Uniqueness: I was actually really impressed by how cleverly this card does what it does. Except for a few glaring oversights, this could have been my personal favorite card of the round on account of how cohesive it is without feeling contrived or stale. Very, very few cards have abilities or effects like these, and you've put them together in a way that makes them feel like they were designed just for this card. (1/3) Flavor: (I'm scoring flavor very strictly on account of how central it is to this particular challenge. Flavor scores will start at 0. Entries must earn more points than they lose in order to come out ahead on this one)
The good: It's sort of a Theros-formatted god, which is fine. Instead of it not being a creature until a condition is met, it's just pacified. it plays really, really well with Ramunap Excavator, as mentioned. Set cohesion can be a very effective flavor vehicle. I guess the idea of benevolence can be evoked by turning basics into something better? This one's kind of a stretch for me.
The bad: Benevolence has little to do with aggression being dependant on having access to rich resources. Other gods in HOU are clearly depicted (and named) as a particular insect. They aren't given proper names beyond that. This one has a proper name, but no insect type. The justification for your choice needed to be baked into the design itself, not solely provided as a footnote.
Polish - (3/3) Quality: I see no errors. (0.5/2) *Main Challenge: Man... I liked this card so much, but you really didn't stick to the challenge at all. You didn't name a set, besides picking The Locust God as your legend. Your card isn't an alternate version of the chosen card in name, flavor, or mechanics. There's no clear reference to alternate history or hypothetical future... It makes me sad. (2/2) Subchallenges: #1 is met very well. I'm digging the even swap between CMC and P/T. Very clever. #2 is mostly met, except that you are only calling the card G/W in name. The defining element of the card is neither green nor white, but it's not exactly U/R, either I guess.
Total: 18/25
*An entry with 0 points here is subject to disqualification.
Glissa, the SaviorGW
Legendary Creature - Elf Warrior (M)
Vigilance, lifelink T: Destroy target artifact if its converted mana cost less than or equal to the amount of life you gained this turn. She had once saved Mirrodin from the clutches of Memnarch. Now, an even greater threat jeopardizes the plane.
2/1
Design - (1/3) Appeal: Timmy won't run this except maybe as a late draft pick. Too narrow for his tastes. Johnny doesn't see enough combo or synergy potential to make it worth building around, and it doesn't enable any current combos that I'm aware of. Spike isn't excited about it, but recognizes that it's a strong enough card to be picked early-ish and to include in sideboards. (2.5/3) Elegance: Extremely elegant. Very well-designed. The relation between gaining life and nuking artifacts feels a little awkward, but it's at least templated cleanly.
Development - (2/3) Viability: Excellent use of colors here. Everything is either clearly green, clearly white, or even both. Mythic seems a stretch here. The card won't have an impact the turn it comes down, and its best uses will only come up some of the time. It's not a limited bomb, either... It honestly feels like a weak rare. Without the vigilance, or with a mana cost in the ability, it could even pass as uncommon. (3/3) Balance: It will be "fine" in basically all formats without breaking any of them. Balanced, if unexciting.
Creativity - (2/3) Uniqueness:(Just noticing how all of the entries have either vigilance or indestructible. Odd...) Anyway, I'm not aware of a card that tempers artifact destruction with a lifegain check, but those two mechanics aren't conceptually related at all. It's unique, but not especially inventive or fitting. (1.5/3) Flavor: (I'm scoring flavor very strictly on account of how central it is to this particular challenge. Flavor scores will start at 0. Entries must earn more points than they lose in order to come out ahead on this one)
The good: It TOTALLY makes sense for Glissa to have vigilance after what went down on Mirrodin. I loved this. Lifelink seems more arbitrary, but since it fuels her artifact hate (which also makes tons of sense for her character), that can be partially forgiven.
The bad: Honestly... I have to admit that this bland flavor text would have best been left off entirely. The rest of the card tastes great already, and this cookie-cutter, "unnamed looming threat" business fails to enrich it any further.
Polish - (1.5/3) Quality: You're missing a verb in the activated ability (probably "is") (-1). The only other card that checks life lost or gained this turn that uses the phrasing, "Equal to the amount of life..." follows it with "...you've gained this turn." (-0.5) (2/2) *Main Challenge: Very nice approach to the "alternate future" challenge. (2/2) Subchallenges: Yup and yup!
Total: 17.5/25
*An entry with 0 points here is subject to disqualification.
Konda, Vengeful Progenitor6WB
Legendary Creature - Spirit Samurai (M)
Indestructible
Konda, Vengeful Progenitor has bushido X, where X is your life total. (Whenever this creature blocks or becomes blocked, it gets +X/+X until end of turn.)
Whenever Konda deals combat damage to a player, you may exchange life totals with that player.
4/4
Design - (3/3) Appeal: Johnny and Spike obviously have their respective uses for this, but they can hardly think over the sound of Timmy screaming in hysterical exuberance. (2/3) Elegance: I WANT this to be as elegant as it feels once it's fully understood. The interplay between the 2nd and 3rd abilities is phenomenal, but basing his bushido value on your life total forces that very awkward templating for it. In addition, if played like
Development - (3/3) Viability: You've taken no huge liberties with color here, but the only precedent for white getting a Mirror Universe-type effect wasn't exactly the same thing, and it was on a joke card. Still, there's enough going on that IS white that this color combo seems pretty much perfect for the main idea of what you've designed. Obviously a mythic, for sure. (2.5/3) Balance: You've filled this gigantic multicolor mana cost with about as much value and shenanigans as it can hold. It feels odd to call into question the strength of such a high-costed card. But in the end, that 8 mana is gonna be a pretty big obstacle for most decks to clear. Even in limited, this will be a risky include.
Creativity - (3/3) Uniqueness:It's a far more interesting and useful Serra Avatar. One of the better epic-feeling, life total-referencing cards I've seen. (1.5/3) Flavor: (I'm scoring flavor very strictly on account of how central it is to this particular challenge. Flavor scores will start at 0. Entries must earn more points than they lose in order to come out ahead on this one)
The good: Except for some fairly nerdy criticisms, I actually really dig the flavor. He died during his imprisonment, prsumably, and came back as a vengeful spirit, pathologically determined to carry on stealing the life force of others.All-around solid treatment of the character.
The bad: Why is he a "progenitor?" Just because he had a daughter? I think the use of that word was a bit sloppy, flavor-wise. What gave Konda his indestructibility was his enslavement of the spirit, Kyodai, within That Which Was Taken. Kyodai was released by Toshiro Umezawa, and Konda imprisoned. Without flavor text, it's not clear to me why Konda should still have indestructible.
Polish - (3/3) Quality:As usual, I see no issues. (2/2) *Main Challenge: Very nice approach to the "alternate future" challenge. (2/2) Subchallenges: Yup and yup!
Total: 22/25
*An entry with 0 points here is subject to disqualification.
August MCC Round 4
Not every story ends on a good note, and not every hero gets a good ending. Today, we're going to remedy that, and give a character a shot at redemption.
Main challenge: Choose a modern-legal set and a legendary creature card or planeswalker card from that set that is important to that block's story. Design an alternate version of that card that either represents a different version of their past or a possible version of their future.
Subchallenge 1: Your card has a different converted mana cost than the original. If your new card is a creature, it has a different power and toughness. If your new card is a planeswalker, it has a different starting loyalty.
Subchallenge 2: Your card has a different color identity from the original, and the change in color identity is flavorfully reflected in a change in philosophy of the new card.
Your card doesn't have to stay the same card type; you could turn a planeswalker into a legendary creature, and vice versa.
Subchallenge 2
Your new card can have overlap in its color identity, but it cannot be exactly the same.
(X/3) Appeal: Do the different player psychographics (Timmy/Johhny/Spike) have a use for the card?
(X/3) Elegance: Is the card easily understandable at a glance? Do all the flavor and mechanics combined as a whole make sense?
Development -
(X/3) Viability: How well does the card fit into the color wheel? Does it break or bend the rules of the game? Is it the appropriate rarity?
(X/3) Balance: Does the card have a power level appropriate for contemporary constructed/limited environments without breaking them? Does it play well in casual and multiplayer formats? Does it create or fit into a deck/archetype? Does it create an oppressive environment?
Creativity -
(X/3) Uniqueness: Has a card like this ever been printed before? Does it use new mechanics, ideas, or design space? Does it combine old ideas in a new way? Overall, does it feel “fresh”?
(X/3) Flavor: Does the name seem realistic for a card? Does the flavor text sound professional? Do all the flavor elements synch together to please Vorthos players?
Polish -
(X/3) Quality: Points deducted for incorrect spelling, grammar, and templating.
(X/2) *Main Challenge: Was the main challenge satisfied? Was it approached in a unique or interesting way? Does the card fit the intent of the challenge?
(X/2) Subchallenges: One point awarded per satisfied subchallenge condition.
Total: X/25
*An entry with 0 points here is subject to disqualification.
DEADLINES
Design deadline: Friday, August 4th 2017 23:59 EDT
Judges
admirableadmiral
ManyCookies
Rocco
doomfish
Players
Conntroll
RickyRickster
Raptorchan
IcariiFA
Legendary Creature - God (M)
Vigilance, indestructible
Basam the Benevolent can't attack or block unless you control at least three nonbasic lands.
1GW, Sacrifice a basic land: Search your library for a nonbasic land card and put it onto the battlefield tapped. Then shuffle your library.
6/6
(The idea was inspired by this picture. Basam, god of Farming become The Locust God because locust does exactly the opposite - I mean, eating the cultivated lands).
Glissa, the Savior GW
Legendary Creature - Elf Warrior (M)
Vigilance, lifelink
T: Destroy target artifact if its converted mana cost less than or equal to the amount of life you gained this turn.
She had once saved Mirrodin from the clutches of Memnarch. Now, an even greater threat jeopardizes the plane.
2/1
Konda, Vengeful Progenitor 6WB
Legendary Creature - Spirit Samurai (M)
Indestructible
Konda, Vengeful Progenitor has bushido X, where X is your life total. (Whenever this creature blocks or becomes blocked, it gets +X/+X until end of turn.)
Whenever Konda deals combat damage to a player, you may exchange life totals with that player.
4/4
Design -
(1/3) Appeal: Spike enjoys it, the other two demographics don't care at all.
(2.5/3) Elegance: Obligatory half point off for protection, especially non standard protections.
Development -
(3/3) Viability: White gives the top line, red gives the bottom.
(2.5/3) Balance: Totally fine for constructed. Perhaps a little swingy as a limited rare, this falls into the "Have a removal spell or lose" camp.
Creativity -
(2/3) Uniqueness: Mass provoke effects have been done several times, and Goblin Diplomats has a similar "Come at me bro!" flavoring. The combo with a powerful blocker has not been done though (to my surprise, I Gatherer checked this).
(3/3) Flavor: Nailed it.
Polish -
(3/3) Quality: Templating is perfect.
(2/2) *Main Challenge: Oh yes.
(2/2) Subchallenges:
Total: 21/25
*An entry with 0 points here is subject to disqualification.
Design -
(2.5/3) Appeal: Spike is sold on power level. Johnny might like a land toolbox/combo, although the basic land requirement makes an expansive toolbox/combo difficult. Timmy like the large hard to murder booty, although I'm not sure if they'd appreciate the requirement.
(2.5/3) Elegance: The established God template helps clarity, though it's still pretty complex.
Development -
(3/3) Viability: Knight of the Reliquary gives the thumbs up...
(1.5/3) Balance: The current GW standard list (Ramp) runs 21 nonbasics out of 26, giving like 85% odds of naturally having 3 nonbasics on four land drops, and any non-aggro GW deck could run a mana base like that. So this feels awfully close to a straight up 4 mana 6/6 vigilance indestructible in constructed that nothing can actually kill (sans Dec in Stone and Anguished Unmaking), which seems... excessive.
Creativity -
(2/3) Uniqueness: ... and then consults her attorney for infringement. They are doing somewhat different things with the ability though.
(3/3) Flavor: Does the name seem realistic for a card? Does the flavor text sound professional? Do all the flavor elements synch together to please Vorthos players?
Polish -
(3/3) Quality: Templating looks good.
(2/2) *Main Challenge: Yep.
(2/2) Subchallenges:
Stealing the hell out of those god concepts.
Total: 21.5/25
*An entry with 0 points here is subject to disqualification.
Design -
(1/3) Appeal: Spike is somewhat interested, and a lifegain Timmy would mb run it though wouldn't be super thrilled.
(3/3) Elegance: Straightforward enough.
Development -
(2.5/3) Viability: Color pie is fine, probably should be a rare.
(2.5/3) Balance: Pretty weak for a mythic in Standard/Limited, though hilariously enough it has some powered cube potential since it can snipe Moxen/crypts at will (and mb moonlight as a Trygon Predator from time to time). I agree with doomfish's suggestion of giving it first strike if you want to keep it mythic.
Creativity -
(3/3) Uniqueness: This does share the same structure as Glissa 1.0, but they play so differently in practice I think it just carves its own space.
(3/3) Flavor: Very nice, and the mechanical callback is gravy.
Polish -
(2.5/3) Quality: "...you've gained this turn."
(2/2) *Main Challenge: Yep.
(2/2) Subchallenges: Different than both Glissas!
Total: 21.5/25
*An entry with 0 points here is subject to disqualification.
Design -
(1/3) Appeal: A Timmy card through and through.
(2/3) Elegance: There's an awkward tension between hitting an opponent and then potentially swapping that lowered life total to you.
Development -
(3/3) Viability: Yep yep.
(1.5/3) Balance: This is pretty far on the weak side (nailing that Kawigama block feel!), even for a Timmy centric mythic this could be pushed a little more. My suggestion would have the swap happen BEFORE he deals his power in damage.
Creativity -
(3/3) Uniqueness: Yep.
(2.5/3) Flavor:
I admit I'm not super familiar with kawigama flavor (I know the broad story beats but nothing beyond that), lemme skim a summary and get back to this.Well the lifeswap is appropriate, especially with a Reverse the Sands flavoring. Still the pivot isn't quite as clear here; as far as I can tell Konda was a dick even when he was mono-white with decent intentions for his kingdom, I'm not sure this card shows a super strong pivot from there.Polish -
(3/3) Quality: Yep.
(2/2) *Main Challenge: Yep.
(2/2) Subchallenges: Yep.
Total: 20/25
*An entry with 0 points here is subject to disqualification.
Conntroll: 21
Raptorchan: 21.5
RickyRister: 21.5
IcariiFA: 20
(2.5/3) Appeal: Certainly a big one for Timmy/Tammy and it's powerful, so Spike is interested. Most players however will have mixed feeling about spending 4 mana on a 1 toughness creature.
(2.5/3) Elegance: That attack clause is a bit on the complex side. Once you got it it's simple enough.
Development -
(2/3) Viability: Protection is no longer done, except in super rare cases and I feel like this could have very well been just "Prevent all damage dealt to ~ by creatures."
(2.5/3) Balance: Protection from creatures at rare is rather worrysome, as that can be very easily game breaking in limited. In other formats this is playable, but easily dies to any removal should it be too much of a problem. The effect gets through anyways and can be worked with, so that's good.
Creativity -
(2.5/3) Uniqueness: Interesting take on the forced attack to make it work with multiplayer. The combination with a strong blocker is fun. Nothing terribly new though.
(3/3) Flavor: The line between Azorius and Boros is slim and someone changing between guilds is very believable.
Polish -
(2.5/3) Quality: The wording on goad tells me this had to be "When Lavinia, Sunhome Vanguard enters the battlefield, until your next turn, creatures your opponents control attack each combat and attack you or a planeswalker you control if able."
(2/2) Main Challenge: Sure.
(2/2) Subchallenges: Check and check.
Total: 21.5/25
(3/3) Appeal: Gods appear to be a big hit with the playerbase. I'd imagine constructed players would be all over a 4 mana 6/6 vigilance indestructible with virtually no downside.
(2.5/3) Elegance: In a way caring about basic lands and non basic lands in different ways is strange, even if the "caring about basic lands" boils down to converting them to non basics. In the end it helps out with playability.
Development -
(2/3) Viability: I don't think I see a whole lot of white in here. Vigilance doesn't necessarily need white, as it's secondarily in green. This could just as well be a mono green god. Rarity is appropriate of course.
(1/3) Balance: I'm happy about a god that's hard to activate in limited. But this card is immensily problematic. Most other gods can be deactivated by destroying the resources they care about, but land destruction isn't in the game anymore, so that's not a way to deal with this. Combine that with the fact that practicially every constructed deck runs almost exclusively non-basics (or at least can easily do so if you want to) and this is an unstoppable force that can even be used to fetch Cloud Posts and similar things. To me this just is a 6/6 indestructible for 4 mana. That's hardly okay.
Creativity -
(2/3) Uniqueness: Fetching exlusively for non basic lands is interesting. A god caring about lands this way also hasn't been done. Other than that this doesn't innovate on the god design space.
(3/3) Flavor: An excellent idea to show the original form of one of the nameless gods.
Polish -
(3/3) Quality: Looks good.
(2/2) Main Challenge: Certainly.
(2/2) Subchallenges: Check and 180° turn for sure.
Total: 20.5/25
(0/3) Appeal: Let's take a step back and think about this: Who enjoys 2 mana 2/1 creatures that hate on artifacts in lifegain decks? I can't think of anyone. Sure, it's self activated artifact hate, but only if there are no blockers besides Ornithopters!
(3/3) Elegance: The combination of a tap-activated ability together with vigilance is nice and the card is simple enough. Everything ties into eachother.
Development -
(2.5/3) Viability: White and lifegain, green and artifact destruction. While this could be entirely in white, the artifact destruction is deeper in green. Not sure what is Mythic about this. It's neither splashy nor complex.
(1.5/3) Balance: This could have done with First Strike. Like this, it's a 2 mana 2/1 that very occasionally gets you artifact destruction. Unacceptable for a mythic rare and a story relevant legendary that should be high profile.
Creativity -
(3/3) Uniqueness: Tying the artifact destruction to lifegain like this is a neat idea and a cool twist on Glissa's original ability.
(3/3) Flavor: This is a realistic take on a Glissa that escaped corruption and is now fighting the good fight.
Polish -
(3/3) Quality: Looks good.
(2/2) Main Challenge: Satisfied.
(2/2) Subchallenges: Check and check.
Total: 20/25
(3/3) Appeal: It's big! It's got combo potential! And it's legendary! Timmy/Tammy and Johnny/Jenny and the commander crowd should be thrilled.
(3/3) Elegance: There's a lot to this card, but in the end they are simple effects with huge impact. The parts also work well together.
Development -
(3/3) Viability: Bushido equal to your life total justifies white and life swapping justifies black. Mythic rare is very appropriate.
(3/3) Balance: This is incredibly hard to evaluate. Combining this with lifesteal or trample is super scary. Then again you can always just let this go through. I don't think the life total swapping is a big deal, since you already chipped 4 off of that. At 8 mana, how bad can this possibly be for any format?
Creativity -
(3/3) Uniqueness: Interesting take on Bushido. Life swapping for combat damage is also a unique way of doing it.
(3/3) Flavor: Ah yes, ancestor cult is a good fit for Kamigawa. The card has a Konda feeling to it with some added malevolence.
Polish -
(3/3) Quality: Looks good.
(2/2) Main Challenge: Futuristic!
(1/2) Subchallenges: The first subchallenge checks out. Regarding the secone one - it does have a different color identity. However Konda used to be a megalomaniac ruler, a perfect example of a white villian and I don't feel much has changed. He seems to still pursue the quest for eternal "life".
Total: 24/25
Raptorchan 20.5
RickyRister 20
IcariiFA 24
Multiple instances of lifelink on the same creature are redundant.
Multiple instances of lifelink on the same creature are redundant.
—Eli Shiffrin, Rules Manager, on a design stacking lifelink instances
Lavinia, Sunhome Vanguard 2RW
Legendary Creature - Human Soldier (R)
Vigilance, protection from creatures
When Lavinia, Sunhome Vanguard enters the battlefield, until your next turn, creatures your opponents control attack you or a planeswalker you control if able.
"The feeling of facing transgressors head on, without warrants or extensive backup, is something that the Azorius will never experience nor understand."
5/1
Design -
(2.5/3) Appeal: If only this were an angel, this would be a 10/10 for Timmy. Johnny thinks the card is too obvious and self-contained, but might possibly try using it as a convoluted blink target, and Spike cackles maniachly at the prosect of forcing opponents to attack into this thing
(2/3) Elegance: If a card can be both complicated and elegant, it's this one. I really dislike "until your next turn" effects because of the memory issues they cause, but I can't deny how well everything fits together here. Not being as harsh as I feel inclined to be.
Development -
(1.5/3) Viability: I did some digging, cause the taunt effect didn't strike me like a very red or white thing to do. Red definitely has a lot of forced attacking, but never with the stipulation of choosing WHO gets attacked. Master Warcraft I think comes the closest, since you can choose how the creatures block. On the other hand, blue is the only color I'm aware of with this particular effect, and it's very uncommon. Maybe R/W is an acceptable way to reintroduce it? I don't personally think so, but I'm not gonna throw the book at you for it. Rarity-wise, this is borderline too good at rare in limited. What's keeping me from saying you definitely got the rarity wrong is that the taunt effect only triggers once.
(2/3) Balance: It slots into basically any red OR white limited deck, and will frequently win the game on its own. Bombs are allowed to do that sometimes, of course. I just can't help thinking it would get oppressive quickly. It's easy to remove with noncombat damage by the time it comes down, and the trigger only happens once.. I'm just still skeptical that this is a fair card in limited. It might find a home in some standard decks, but will be an absolute EDH darling. Such a powerful, board-wide effect that can be easily blinked.
Creativity -
(2/3) Uniqueness: These two keywords sound relatively unique together, but as you'll see in Flavor, this is very much not the case. Vigilance creatures that get blocking bonuses aren't new at all, but this card in particular has a fun balance between hyper-aggression and strategic defense. Cards with high power and 1 toughness are also not especially unique in-and-of themselves, but the interplay between the uncommon, risky P/T and the vigilance/protection/mass lure effect is definitely spicy enough for a point.
(0.5/3) Flavor: (I'm scoring flavor very strictly on account of how central it is to this particular challenge. Flavor scores will start at 0. Entries must earn more points than they lose in order to come out ahead on this one)
The good: The dig on Azorius in the flavor text gives a satisfying zing. Overall the mechanics feel Boros-ish, with some reservations. There's never been a red vanguard, and that term in Magic is an unofficial signifier of solid defenses, as evidenced here and here. A 5/1 shouldn't normally be able to be a vanguard, but giving this vigilance I think takes care of all of those quibbles. This represents a reasonably well-executed red vanguard.
The bad: This exact combination of keyword abilities can already be found on another Dragons Maze legend, and an Orzhov one. That's a pretty big Vorthos fail, there. And you seem to be forgetting that the Boros are a LEGION. They don't rush in without backup; they thrive on teamwork and combat synergies. Seriously, this same set featured the BATALLION keyword!
Polish -
(3/3) Quality: I see no errors.
(2/2) *Main Challenge: Sticking to just mechanics, I got a good chuckle out of how you designed the total opposite of a mass arrest.
(2/2) Subchallenges: Despite my relatively harsh review of the card so far, I think you basically nailed both subchallenges.
Total: 17.5/25
*An entry with 0 points here is subject to disqualification.
Basam the Benevolent 2GW
Legendary Creature - God (M)
Vigilance, indestructible
Basam the Benevolent can't attack or block unless you control at least three nonbasic lands.
1GW, Sacrifice a basic land: Search your library for a nonbasic land card and put it onto the battlefield tapped. Then shuffle your library.
6/6
Design -
(3/3) Appeal: Simply put, I see all the archetypes fnding favor with this for different reasons. Timmy will make it work despite the drawback. Johnny will use the drawback, and Spike will build so as to minimize the drawback.
(3/3) Elegance: Very clean. Plays well with itself, but isn't totally self-contained. Simple to understand, but still interesting to consider.
Development -
(1/3) Viability: So, this is on the strong end of the spectrum for a CMC4 6/6. It needs to be mythic because of how much shop it will wreck in limited, which it is. Now, there's a big issue with the colors. Green often refers to nonbasic lands, but always while punishing opponents for playing them, never as an incentive to play them yourself. White has much fewer references to nonbasic lands, but it always treats them the same as green. A G/W card that rewards you for playing nonbasics (and even sacs your basics for nonbasics!) is simply an egregious color break.
(1.5/3) Balance: Power level might just destroy any limited game it's a part of, since it's very tough to remove. Its main drawback isn't so bad since it's fine just sitting around for a few turns. It's definitely a bomb, at the very least. In standard, the drawback will sometimes be a complete non-issue, making this easily overpowered with little effort. Throw in a Ramunap Excavator, and this becomes an effective ramp engine as well as an offensive AND defensive powerhouse. I think the card just does too much too well for limited and standard. Eternal formats have better tools available to keep this in check, and there are better ways to fetch nonbasics in commander. It'll get played in budget decks, so as not to have to fill them with as many expensive nonbasics, maybe, but I doubt it'll be a G/W staple.
Creativity -
(3/3) Uniqueness: I was actually really impressed by how cleverly this card does what it does. Except for a few glaring oversights, this could have been my personal favorite card of the round on account of how cohesive it is without feeling contrived or stale. Very, very few cards have abilities or effects like these, and you've put them together in a way that makes them feel like they were designed just for this card.
(1/3) Flavor: (I'm scoring flavor very strictly on account of how central it is to this particular challenge. Flavor scores will start at 0. Entries must earn more points than they lose in order to come out ahead on this one)
The good: It's sort of a Theros-formatted god, which is fine. Instead of it not being a creature until a condition is met, it's just pacified. it plays really, really well with Ramunap Excavator, as mentioned. Set cohesion can be a very effective flavor vehicle. I guess the idea of benevolence can be evoked by turning basics into something better? This one's kind of a stretch for me.
The bad: Benevolence has little to do with aggression being dependant on having access to rich resources. Other gods in HOU are clearly depicted (and named) as a particular insect. They aren't given proper names beyond that. This one has a proper name, but no insect type. The justification for your choice needed to be baked into the design itself, not solely provided as a footnote.
Polish -
(3/3) Quality: I see no errors.
(0.5/2) *Main Challenge: Man... I liked this card so much, but you really didn't stick to the challenge at all. You didn't name a set, besides picking The Locust God as your legend. Your card isn't an alternate version of the chosen card in name, flavor, or mechanics. There's no clear reference to alternate history or hypothetical future... It makes me sad.
(2/2) Subchallenges: #1 is met very well. I'm digging the even swap between CMC and P/T. Very clever. #2 is mostly met, except that you are only calling the card G/W in name. The defining element of the card is neither green nor white, but it's not exactly U/R, either I guess.
Total: 18/25
*An entry with 0 points here is subject to disqualification.
Glissa, the Savior GW
Legendary Creature - Elf Warrior (M)
Vigilance, lifelink
T: Destroy target artifact if its converted mana cost less than or equal to the amount of life you gained this turn.
She had once saved Mirrodin from the clutches of Memnarch. Now, an even greater threat jeopardizes the plane.
2/1
Design -
(1/3) Appeal: Timmy won't run this except maybe as a late draft pick. Too narrow for his tastes. Johnny doesn't see enough combo or synergy potential to make it worth building around, and it doesn't enable any current combos that I'm aware of. Spike isn't excited about it, but recognizes that it's a strong enough card to be picked early-ish and to include in sideboards.
(2.5/3) Elegance: Extremely elegant. Very well-designed. The relation between gaining life and nuking artifacts feels a little awkward, but it's at least templated cleanly.
Development -
(2/3) Viability: Excellent use of colors here. Everything is either clearly green, clearly white, or even both. Mythic seems a stretch here. The card won't have an impact the turn it comes down, and its best uses will only come up some of the time. It's not a limited bomb, either... It honestly feels like a weak rare. Without the vigilance, or with a mana cost in the ability, it could even pass as uncommon.
(3/3) Balance: It will be "fine" in basically all formats without breaking any of them. Balanced, if unexciting.
Creativity -
(2/3) Uniqueness:(Just noticing how all of the entries have either vigilance or indestructible. Odd...) Anyway, I'm not aware of a card that tempers artifact destruction with a lifegain check, but those two mechanics aren't conceptually related at all. It's unique, but not especially inventive or fitting.
(1.5/3) Flavor: (I'm scoring flavor very strictly on account of how central it is to this particular challenge. Flavor scores will start at 0. Entries must earn more points than they lose in order to come out ahead on this one)
The good: It TOTALLY makes sense for Glissa to have vigilance after what went down on Mirrodin. I loved this. Lifelink seems more arbitrary, but since it fuels her artifact hate (which also makes tons of sense for her character), that can be partially forgiven.
The bad: Honestly... I have to admit that this bland flavor text would have best been left off entirely. The rest of the card tastes great already, and this cookie-cutter, "unnamed looming threat" business fails to enrich it any further.
Polish -
(1.5/3) Quality: You're missing a verb in the activated ability (probably "is") (-1). The only other card that checks life lost or gained this turn that uses the phrasing, "Equal to the amount of life..." follows it with "...you've gained this turn." (-0.5)
(2/2) *Main Challenge: Very nice approach to the "alternate future" challenge.
(2/2) Subchallenges: Yup and yup!
Total: 17.5/25
*An entry with 0 points here is subject to disqualification.
Konda, Vengeful Progenitor 6WB
Legendary Creature - Spirit Samurai (M)
Indestructible
Konda, Vengeful Progenitor has bushido X, where X is your life total. (Whenever this creature blocks or becomes blocked, it gets +X/+X until end of turn.)
Whenever Konda deals combat damage to a player, you may exchange life totals with that player.
4/4
Design -
(3/3) Appeal: Johnny and Spike obviously have their respective uses for this, but they can hardly think over the sound of Timmy screaming in hysterical exuberance.
(2/3) Elegance: I WANT this to be as elegant as it feels once it's fully understood. The interplay between the 2nd and 3rd abilities is phenomenal, but basing his bushido value on your life total forces that very awkward templating for it. In addition, if played like
Development -
(3/3) Viability: You've taken no huge liberties with color here, but the only precedent for white getting a Mirror Universe-type effect wasn't exactly the same thing, and it was on a joke card. Still, there's enough going on that IS white that this color combo seems pretty much perfect for the main idea of what you've designed. Obviously a mythic, for sure.
(2.5/3) Balance: You've filled this gigantic multicolor mana cost with about as much value and shenanigans as it can hold. It feels odd to call into question the strength of such a high-costed card. But in the end, that 8 mana is gonna be a pretty big obstacle for most decks to clear. Even in limited, this will be a risky include.
Creativity -
(3/3) Uniqueness:It's a far more interesting and useful Serra Avatar. One of the better epic-feeling, life total-referencing cards I've seen.
(1.5/3) Flavor: (I'm scoring flavor very strictly on account of how central it is to this particular challenge. Flavor scores will start at 0. Entries must earn more points than they lose in order to come out ahead on this one)
The good: Except for some fairly nerdy criticisms, I actually really dig the flavor. He died during his imprisonment, prsumably, and came back as a vengeful spirit, pathologically determined to carry on stealing the life force of others.All-around solid treatment of the character.
The bad: Why is he a "progenitor?" Just because he had a daughter? I think the use of that word was a bit sloppy, flavor-wise. What gave Konda his indestructibility was his enslavement of the spirit, Kyodai, within That Which Was Taken. Kyodai was released by Toshiro Umezawa, and Konda imprisoned. Without flavor text, it's not clear to me why Konda should still have indestructible.
Polish -
(3/3) Quality:As usual, I see no issues.
(2/2) *Main Challenge: Very nice approach to the "alternate future" challenge.
(2/2) Subchallenges: Yup and yup!
Total: 22/25
*An entry with 0 points here is subject to disqualification.
Raptorchan — 18/25
RickyRickster — 17.5/25
IcariiFA — 22/25