Creature - Elemental
When ~ enters the battlefield, target creature gets -X/-0 until end of turn, where X is the number of Elementals and/or Weirds you control.
Creature - Weird Drake
If Static Breather would deal any amount of combat damage to anything, it instead deals combat damage equal to the number of words in the recipient's name. (Players' middle names are part of their names.)
Enchantment - Aura
Enchanted land has "4UU, T: Gain control of target creature for as long as Captivating Influence remains on the battlefield. Activate this ability only if a creature you control dealt combat damage to a player this turn." Oona used her glamers to conceal Glen Elendra. Maralen decided to inverse their effects.
Gain control of target land, or target artifact or enchantment with converted mana cost 4 or greater. "This mold feeds on the psychic residue left by intense sentimental connections. It excretes... goo." - Thelon of Havenwood
Creature - Orc Warrior
At the beginning of the end step, if Mardu Survivalist was dealt damage this turn and has no +1/+1 counters on it, put three +1/+1 counters on Mardu Survivalist.
Enchantment - Aura
Enchanted creature has "T, Pay 1 life: Add BBB."
When Cabal's Curtain is put into your graveyard from the battlefield, you may exile it. If you do, creatures you control gain "T, Pay 1 life: Add BBB" until end of turn."
Much as I'd like to go on an Un-path, this random just didn't call for it.
Creature - Zombie Rogue
When Sedraxis Abductor enters the battlefield, return target nonblack permanent that's one or more colors to its owner's hand.
Unearth - UUU, Discard a card.
Creature - Vedalken Wizard
Whenever another creature you control is returned to its owner's hand, Crackling Aether deals damage equal to that creature's power to target player or planeswalker. 2RU: Return another target creature you control to its owner's hand. 3/1
Create a 3/5 white, blue and red Angel Berserker creature token. It has flying and "When this creature enters the battlefield, it deals damage equal to its power to target opponent, and you may return target creature that player controls to its owner's hand."
Shuffle Heaven's Furor into its owner's library.