MTG Salvation

Which card is the funniest of the red cards?
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Pashalik Mons, goblin raider
Legendary creature—goblin
Just like every other Goblin Raiders, Mons can't block.
Because of the urge to do a dissertation of philosophy for his next philosophy lesson (and that's tomorrow at 8 am), ZeDorkSlipeur can't provide the extremely long flavor text this card should have had)
1/1
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OHBUGGERNOOHBUGGERHELLCRAPOHBUGGER!!! RR
Enchantment
At the beginning of each players upkeep, that player may put a OHBUGGERWE'REALLGONNADIE!!! counter on target creature.
At the end of your turn, OHBUGGERNOOHBUGGERHELLCRAPOHBUGGER!!! deals 1 damage to each creature with a OHBUGGERWE'REALLGONNADIE!!! counter on it.
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Flames :1mana::symr::symr:
Sorcery
Each player logs onto www.mtgsalvation.com and flames the other in a forum. Any players not involved in the current game judges those flames. The player with the best flame deals 4 damage to any number of players and creatures. The worst flame deals 2 damage to himself and a creature he controls. If it is undecided all creatures take 2 damge.
"You are a dumb dumb stupid head" -Timmy's last words.
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Up in Flames
Instant
Deal 2 damage to target creature target opponent controls, and then make an insult about the creature to its controller. If the controller shows any emotions to the insult, deal another 2 damage to another target creature.
Creatures on fire... now its out...er...dead.
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Confusion in the chairs :3mana::symr::symr:
Sorcery
Destroy all creatures target opponent Controls.You and target opponent exchange seats.
(The decks remain in the same place and you still have your own life total, you just go to his seat and play with his deck, permanents and hand and he comes to your seat and plays with your deck, permanents and hand. This effect doens't end at end of turn)
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Sorcery
BURN !!! can't be countered.
Choose a number. BURN !!! deals that much damage to target creature or player.
Happily for Spike, Timmy didn't learn yet to count until twenty
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Gasoline :4mana::symr::symr::symr:
Instant
Until the end of game double all damage red spells do.
Nothing like using gasoline, just wish it weren't so dang expensive. -Goblin Pyromancer
If this game is being played in an oil producing country Gasoline costs less to play.
What are you talking about? -Erg Raider
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Big Dragon With Flying And Firebreathing 6RR
Creature—Dragon
Flying.
R : +1/+0 until end of turn.
Last time, Nauria attacked a village of 150 inhabitants. He later said to his dragon friends he actually killed three hundreds human that day, 'cuz a warned human counts for two.
7/7
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Blasting Incinerate Torch of Blazing Inferno Fire :8mana::symr:
Sorcery
~ does a bunch of damage, but it doesn't matter, because nobody will ever play it at this cost.
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Overcosted extendednamed burn Spells - Discard feeder for Blazing Shoal :9mana::symr:
Sorcery
<this> deals 1 damage to target creature or player.
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Super-mega-anime-blaze :symr::10mana:ABCDE
sorcery
~ deals A damage to target B creatures and C players, destroy D target artifacts and E target lands.
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Blazing Dozen 10RR
Sorcery
Destroy up to twelve target creatures and ~ deals 12 damage to each player.
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Another Coin Flipping Card 8RRRRR
Sorcery
Each players flips eight coin at the same time.
For each coin a player failed to flip correctly, Another Coin Flipping Card deals 3 damage to him or her for each head he or she obtained, no matter if they were flipped correctly or not.
For each coin a player flipped correctly, he or she draws a card for each tails he or she obtained, no matter if they were flipped correctly or not
(a coin is flipped correctly if it reaches a height of at least one foot while in the air)
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Unlucky 13
13R
If you didnt play <name> from your hand, you lose the game.
When <name> deals combat damage to a player, that player gains control of <name>.
If <name> does not attack each turn, its controller loses 13 life
When <name> is put into the graveyard, its controller (at the time it was destroyed) loses 13 life
13/6
It puts the 13 in 1337.
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5 split card Warm, Hot, Scalding, Burnt, Crispy
Warm -- instant -- target creature is red.

Hot :1mana::symr: -- instant -- Creatures can not attack this turn.

Scalding :2mana::symr: -- sorcery -- All creatures take 2 damage.

Burnt :1mana::symr::symr::symr: -- instant -- target creature takes damage equal to its toughness.

Crispy :3mana::symr::symr: -- Sorcery --
Put a 2/2 red Kentucky Fried Chicken token into play. This token has Lure .