Please help me clean up this rules text for a potential creature card idea I have.
At the beginning of your end step, you may choose another nonland permanent you control. If you do, put a veil counter on it and it gains hexproof. You lose life equal to the chosen permanant's converted mana cost.
Here are some alternate phrasings I have thought of but I am even less confident about these:
At the beginning of your end step, you may choose a nonland permanent you control, if you do, you lose life equal to its converted mana cost. If you lost life this way, put a veil counter on the chosen permanent and it gains hexproof.
At the beginning of your end step, you may choose another nonland permanent you control and pay life equal to its converted mana cost. If you do, put a veil counter on it and it gains hexproof.
Note: I want the hexproof to last indefinitely rather than just until end of turn. Also, I want the veil counter to just be a memory aid rather than what is actually causing the hexproof (sort of like Isareth the Awakener).
Bonus points for anyone that can come up with a flavor/lore explanation for this ability (I'm thinking golgari, dimir or sultai colors for this card).
I think you want the choice as mandatory and the option being whether you perform the action.
At the beginning of your end step choose another nonland permanent you control. You may put a veil counter on it. If you do, you lose life equal to its converted mana cost and it gains hexproof.(This effect lasts indefinitely.
The effect may be too strong being untargeted.
At the beginning of your end step you may put a veil counter on another target nonland permanent. If you do, you lose life equal to its converted mana cost and it gains hexproof.(This effect lasts indefinitely.
Because you are using veil counters and losing life I see it has a sort of cloak of shadows the Dimir would give to their operatives for important missions.
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Here are some alternate phrasings I have thought of but I am even less confident about these:
Note: I want the hexproof to last indefinitely rather than just until end of turn. Also, I want the veil counter to just be a memory aid rather than what is actually causing the hexproof (sort of like Isareth the Awakener).
Bonus points for anyone that can come up with a flavor/lore explanation for this ability (I'm thinking golgari, dimir or sultai colors for this card).
UBRKess, Dissident MageUBR - Controlling Dissidents
GRhonas the IndomitableG - Indomitable Four Drops
WUBOloro, Ageless AsceticWUB - Loot & Renanimate
The effect may be too strong being untargeted.
Because you are using veil counters and losing life I see it has a sort of cloak of shadows the Dimir would give to their operatives for important missions.