Trying to make the set I'm working on the best it can be, so probably going to post a thread every day or so with a batch of cards. Current set title is Sacar, Trickster's Kingdom. A very brief and vague lore paragraph is below, followed by the cards, on which I would absolutely love feedback. Thank you. (Note: The cards posted don't necessarily match up exactly with what's in my set thread anymore.)
Sacar is a plane in chaos. No, it’s not under siege by some mysterious force. Nor is there any ancient race stirring just beneath the surface. There isn’t even that much of a war going on. Sacar is a plane that is ruled by tricksters and inquisitors, who hold capital in the Great Tower, a monolithic structure that stands in the center of the plane and, on a clear day, is visible even from its furthest points. From the comfort of their tower, the devious ruling class takes glee in toying with the world they oversee. But a resistance is brewing, and in time, a force may rise up to take the tower and install a more tolerable regime. Or, perhaps, the coup will merely lead to more of the same.
Ambushing Defenses1W
Instant (C)
Untap target creature. It can block an additional creature this turn. Informed — If a card has been revealed from a hand or library this turn, that creature gets +2/+2 until end of turn.
Athara Maverick3W
Creature — Bird Rebel (C)
Flying
When Athara Maverick enters the battlefield, each player reveals a card from his or her hand. If no other player revealed a card with higher converted mana cost than yours, put a +1/+1 counter on Athara Maverick.
2/2
Banished by the Council2W
Sorcery (C)
Reveal any number of cards from your hand. Exile target nonland permanent if its converted mana cost is less than or equal to the total converted mana cost of cards revealed this way.
Braggard SwordsmanW
Creature — Human Soldier (C)
As an additional cost to cast Braggard Swordsman, reveal two other nonland cards from your hand or pay 1.
2/2
Cloud-King Griffin5W
Creature — Griffin (C)
Flying
Whenever a creature enters the battlefield under your control, Cloud-King Griffin gets +1/+1 until end of turn.
3/4
Dakra Cavalry-Guard1WW
Creature — Elf Knight (C)
When Dakra Cavalry-Guard enters the battlefield, untap target nonland permanent.
2/4
Elk of the Hathari1W
Creature — Elk (C) Informed — Elk of the Hathari gets +1/+0 as long as a card has been revealed from a hand or library this turn.
2/2
Forge a PlanW
Sorcery (C)
Put a +1/+1 counter on up to one target creature.
Scry 1.
Plot. (Create a colorless Plan artifact token with “2, Sacrifice this artifact: The next card you cast this turn may be cast as though it had flash.”)
Geist of Hope1W
Creature — Spirit Rebel (C)
When Geist of Hope enters the battlefield, look at the top two cards of your library. You may reveal one and gain life equal to its converted mana cost. Then put both back on top in any order.
1/3
Hathari Scout2W
Creature — Cat Scout (C)
Whenever you cast your first spell in a turn, you may tap target creature.
3/1
Neutralize the Threat1W
Enchantment — Aura (C)
Enchant creature
Enchanted creature can’t attack or block. Informed — 3W: Return Neutralize the Threat to its owner’s hand. Activate this ability only if a card was revealed from a hand or library this turn.
Rebel’s VigorW
Enchantment — Aura (C)
Enchant creature
Enchanted creature has first strike and vigilance.
Whenever a creature enters the battlefield, enchanted creature gets +1/+1 until end of turn.
Scout’s Antelope3W
Creature — Antelope (C) Informed — At the beginning of each end step, if a card has been revealed from a hand or library this turn, you gain 1 life.
3/3
Send to Sabotage1W
Sorcery (C)
Create a 1/1 white Soldier creature tokens.
Destroy target artifact or enchantment.
Storming VolleyW
Instant (C)
Storming Volley deals 1 damage to target attacking or blocking creature for each spell you’ve cast this turn.
Draw a card.
Tower’s-Light Infantry1W
Creature — Human Soldier (C)
Mystery (At the beginning of your upkeep, you may exile the top card of your library face down. You may look at it for as long as it’s exiled.)
Turn a face-down exiled card with converted mana cost 3 or higher face up: Tower’s-Light Infantry gains flying and lifelink until end of turn.
2/2
Tuskmage Heirophant4W
Creature — Elephant Cleric (C) 1W, T, Reveal a noncreature, nonland card from your hand: Put a +1/+1 counter on target creature, put the revealed card on the bottom of your library, then draw a card.
3/5
Tuskmage Meditant2W
Creature — Elephant Monk (C)
Vigilance
When Tuskmage Meditant enters the battlefield, you may plot. (Create a colorless Plan artifact token with “2, Sacrifice this artifact: The next card you cast this turn may be cast as though it had flash.”)
2/3
1. Informed - This seems like an interesting mechanic. My only qualm is that it's an ability word, rather than a keyword. Is there a way to make "Informed" into something like Madness, where if it's revealed from your hand or library, you may exile it and pay it for it's informed cost? I'm just saying, that'd be fun (and far less text on the cards!).
Question: How does this work with cards like future sight? Seems like it's unintuitive to be "always on" like that. Hence, my suggestion of moving to a madness "When this is revealed, you may play it for its madness cost.
Ambushing Defenses - Sure? Can this cost W? Also, consider giving it lifelink somewhere. One of the toughest challenges with cards like this is making them even close to constructed playable. Giant Growth has been constructed playable in the past, so maybe reverse what the card does as appropriate:
Inspired DefenseW
Instant (C)
Untap target creature. If it blocks this turn, it gets +4/+4 and lifelink until end of turn.
Informed — If a card has been revealed from a hand or library this turn, create a 1/1 white soldier creature token.
Athara Maverick - Can you make this clash? Clash will reveal cards - sufficient for inspired - and was a fun mechanic. As is, this is just "Oh, wow, did I get a 3/3 for 4? BORING. But consider:
Athara Maverick 2W
Creature — Bird Soldier Rebel (C)
Flying
When Athara Maverick enters the battlefield, clash with target opponent. If you wish the clash, gain 3 life. (Each clashing player reveals the top card of his or her library, then puts that card on the top or bottom. A player wins if his or her card had a higher converted mana cost.)
2/2
Banished by the Council - I think counting CMC is going to get boring quite quick. My suggestion is to move to a Scent of Jasmine-style mechanic. If you're okay with encouraging mono-colored decks (having a lot of hybrid and/or artifact cards at common and uncommon), this is great. Otherwise, perhaps, care about the number of enchantments or whatever you reveal.
In any case, this is an O-Ring variant, and those should be (U).
Braggard Swordsman - Can this read
Braggard Swordsman 2W
Creature - Human Soldier (C)
You may reveal two equipment cards in your hand rather than play ~'s mana cost.
2/2
End of the day, you get a gray ogre with upside. Yeah, you'll have odd turns where you have 4 of these and 2 equipment in hand and drop your hand. But, really, it's a mediocre limited card with some build-around-me bonus.
Cloud-King Griffin - 1. This feels uncommon (IE, you can win lots of games off of this, ignoring flash combat tricks) (also, king?), and 2. This feels bad. The theme thus far as been revealing. In light of that, anything FILLER (and this is clearly filler) should not have text on it. Make it a french vanilla:
Oh, this is bad. But it's not clearly bad, and has some limited playability. If you had cycling or another similar mechanic, you could even make this fringe playable w/o warping limited.
Dakra Cavalry-Guard - Double W in the mana cost at common hurts limited, especially at 3 mana. Overall, this feels boring. Can it be:
Dakra Cavalry-Guard 2W
Creature - Elf Knight
First Strike
If you played Dakra Cavalry-Guard with mana from a non-mana source, it enters the battlefield with a +1/+1 counter on it.
2/2
Elk of the Hathari - So a 3/2 for 1W. You'll note that revealing has no combat trick potential here, in most cases. My suggestion:
Guarded Soldier 1W
Creature - Human Soldier (relevant) (C)
Inspired - As long as you've revealed a card from your hand or library this turn, ~ gets +0/+2.
2/2
(Of course, this as a vanilla 2/2 with Inspired-Madness of W would be pretty great.)
Forge a Plan - 1. I like plot. But Plot feels terrible for this set - revealing stuff all the time, the flash is less... flashy. I mean, you're revealing your plot! It's like making a set with Investigate and making the other main mechanic "As long as you don't have a clue, effect." Anti-synergy.
Oh, and on the card - it's underpowered, plot or not.
Geist of Hope - I genuinely don't like CMC-related cards (it's super swingy here), and I suggest maybe making it cost 3 and do 3 cards (for the numerology of it). Perhaps have the life gain relate to the p of the revealed creature, and have you put it into your hand (or if you've got inspired-madness you'd reveal, then play it...).
Edit:
Hathari Scout - Why isn't this triggered upon revealing a card (perhaps a card of a certain type)? Overall, this is very fragile and feels like limited filler. When designing limited filler, though, it's nice to try to make a scenario where it's constructed playable. Give it a fairly competitive p/t ratio and an eclectic creature type, and you're good.
Neutralize the Threat - I know we just had a functionally inferior pacifism variant, but I don't need a functionally superior one either. Just reprint pacifism. Nice, simple, easy, fringe playable (especially with a few black/red hurt-self cards), and saves TEXT room for other cards in your set. If you want an inspired pacifism, cost it at 2W. Just be aware it'd be useless.
Rebel’s Vigor - (1) Is the creature a rebel? No? Change the name. (2) would W for +1/+1, vigilance, and first strike be overpowered? No? Then no "until end of turn" design. Instants for instants, enchantments for enchantments. Heck, I'd argue that you could give this flash and it would still likely be garbage.
Scout’s Antelope - Why are so many inspired things... idiot animals that couldn't tell their head from headlights? 1 life is forgetable. Quite frankly, the bookkeeping involved here is just annoying. If you NEED a hill giant variant, print a french vanilla one:
Name 3W Lifelink (or flash or vigilance or inspired-madness 2W) 3/3
Send to Sabotage - Why isn't this just a 1/1 with a CIP ability? Also, why isn't your disenchant variant inspired?
Skypicker Elf - Wow, interesting. Good job. Not sure why all the white elves, but whatever.
Storming Volley - No storm for you. Come on man. Just say no to such things.
Tower’s-Light Infantry - I can't help but think you can change this mechanic into clash (or a cool, Clash-like ability that fuels inspired). However, mystery seems like a lot of bookkeeping/exile play, and that's just ANNOYING. There are PLENTY of private-information things that don't involve exile. Maybe give it the following keyword: Insight (At the end of turn, you may look at the top card of your library.)
Then do something like this:
Tower’s-Light Infantry 1W
Creature — Human Soldier (U) Insight (At the end of turn, you may look at the top card of your library.) 0: Reveal the top card of your library. If it is a creature card with flying, this gains flying until end of turn. The same is true for first strike, vigilance, and lifelink. Use this ability only once per turn.
2/2
Tuskmage Heirophant - You should try to make your "reveal" mechanics consistent. This pseudo-looting is off-color, and confusing. It strikes me that you can easily make this clash or insight related. In fact, if ALL your reveal stuff is a matter of top-card of your library, black discard, blue/green "choice" cards, or red "game" cards (IE, reveal a random card from your hand, if it's an X, Y.), it'll be fine.
In fact, maybe make each color have it's own reveal mechanics: R: Clash B: Discard (with no "inspired" or "inspired-madness" cards) UGifts ungiven-style cards. W: Insight (This is more or less "End of turn" kinship, w/ or w/o the pseudo-scry G: Kinship
Tuskmage Meditant - I'm not sure why you have a 2/3 elephant. Again, I strongly advise you to move plot to a different set; the anti-synergy is deafening.
Final thoughts:
1. There's a lot of conceptual oversights here; several 2/2s for 1W, several 3/3 (or soon to be) flyers, etc. When drafting I should be able to immediately identify what ever card is; so if you have multiple creatures for 1W, I better be able to know what's what. The 1/3 distinguishes itself from your 2/2s, for example.
2. There's a lot of text here - some related to keywords/ability words, and some just there to make the cards feel different. Simpler cards are always better, especially at common. This is one of the main reasons why Keywords are far better than ability words. You might think the "inspired madness" mechanic is "boring" insofar as it's just another way to play the spells in question, but it opens up a clear, advantageous mechanic that works with multiple mechanics. Inspired-Madness is a counter to reveal-discard effects from blue, works exceptionally well with tutor, reveal effects, works with clash, kinship, etc.
3. I cannot stress how anti-synergistic giving things flash is when your opponent knows what's in your hand. There's no way to avoid this except to remove one of the mechanics. Since I haven't seen any spells really interested in being given flash, I think the answer is clear: Move Plot to a different block.
Sacar is a plane in chaos. No, it’s not under siege by some mysterious force. Nor is there any ancient race stirring just beneath the surface. There isn’t even that much of a war going on. Sacar is a plane that is ruled by tricksters and inquisitors, who hold capital in the Great Tower, a monolithic structure that stands in the center of the plane and, on a clear day, is visible even from its furthest points. From the comfort of their tower, the devious ruling class takes glee in toying with the world they oversee. But a resistance is brewing, and in time, a force may rise up to take the tower and install a more tolerable regime. Or, perhaps, the coup will merely lead to more of the same.
Ambushing Defenses 1W
Instant (C)
Untap target creature. It can block an additional creature this turn.
Informed — If a card has been revealed from a hand or library this turn, that creature gets +2/+2 until end of turn.
Athara Maverick 3W
Creature — Bird Rebel (C)
Flying
When Athara Maverick enters the battlefield, each player reveals a card from his or her hand. If no other player revealed a card with higher converted mana cost than yours, put a +1/+1 counter on Athara Maverick.
2/2
Banished by the Council 2W
Sorcery (C)
Reveal any number of cards from your hand. Exile target nonland permanent if its converted mana cost is less than or equal to the total converted mana cost of cards revealed this way.
Braggard Swordsman W
Creature — Human Soldier (C)
As an additional cost to cast Braggard Swordsman, reveal two other nonland cards from your hand or pay 1.
2/2
Cloud-King Griffin 5W
Creature — Griffin (C)
Flying
Whenever a creature enters the battlefield under your control, Cloud-King Griffin gets +1/+1 until end of turn.
3/4
Dakra Cavalry-Guard 1WW
Creature — Elf Knight (C)
When Dakra Cavalry-Guard enters the battlefield, untap target nonland permanent.
2/4
Elk of the Hathari 1W
Creature — Elk (C)
Informed — Elk of the Hathari gets +1/+0 as long as a card has been revealed from a hand or library this turn.
2/2
Forge a Plan W
Sorcery (C)
Put a +1/+1 counter on up to one target creature.
Scry 1.
Plot. (Create a colorless Plan artifact token with “2, Sacrifice this artifact: The next card you cast this turn may be cast as though it had flash.”)
Geist of Hope 1W
Creature — Spirit Rebel (C)
When Geist of Hope enters the battlefield, look at the top two cards of your library. You may reveal one and gain life equal to its converted mana cost. Then put both back on top in any order.
1/3
Hathari Scout 2W
Creature — Cat Scout (C)
Whenever you cast your first spell in a turn, you may tap target creature.
3/1
Neutralize the Threat 1W
Enchantment — Aura (C)
Enchant creature
Enchanted creature can’t attack or block.
Informed — 3W: Return Neutralize the Threat to its owner’s hand. Activate this ability only if a card was revealed from a hand or library this turn.
Rebel’s Vigor W
Enchantment — Aura (C)
Enchant creature
Enchanted creature has first strike and vigilance.
Whenever a creature enters the battlefield, enchanted creature gets +1/+1 until end of turn.
Scout’s Antelope 3W
Creature — Antelope (C)
Informed — At the beginning of each end step, if a card has been revealed from a hand or library this turn, you gain 1 life.
3/3
Send to Sabotage 1W
Sorcery (C)
Create a 1/1 white Soldier creature tokens.
Destroy target artifact or enchantment.
Skypicker Elf W
Creature — Elf Archer Rebel (C)
First strike, reach
1/2
Storming Volley W
Instant (C)
Storming Volley deals 1 damage to target attacking or blocking creature for each spell you’ve cast this turn.
Draw a card.
Tower’s-Light Infantry 1W
Creature — Human Soldier (C)
Mystery (At the beginning of your upkeep, you may exile the top card of your library face down. You may look at it for as long as it’s exiled.)
Turn a face-down exiled card with converted mana cost 3 or higher face up: Tower’s-Light Infantry gains flying and lifelink until end of turn.
2/2
Tuskmage Heirophant 4W
Creature — Elephant Cleric (C)
1W, T, Reveal a noncreature, nonland card from your hand: Put a +1/+1 counter on target creature, put the revealed card on the bottom of your library, then draw a card.
3/5
Tuskmage Meditant 2W
Creature — Elephant Monk (C)
Vigilance
When Tuskmage Meditant enters the battlefield, you may plot. (Create a colorless Plan artifact token with “2, Sacrifice this artifact: The next card you cast this turn may be cast as though it had flash.”)
2/3
Question: How does this work with cards like future sight? Seems like it's unintuitive to be "always on" like that. Hence, my suggestion of moving to a madness "When this is revealed, you may play it for its madness cost.
Ambushing Defenses - Sure? Can this cost W? Also, consider giving it lifelink somewhere. One of the toughest challenges with cards like this is making them even close to constructed playable. Giant Growth has been constructed playable in the past, so maybe reverse what the card does as appropriate:
Inspired Defense W
Instant (C)
Untap target creature. If it blocks this turn, it gets +4/+4 and lifelink until end of turn.
Informed — If a card has been revealed from a hand or library this turn, create a 1/1 white soldier creature token.
Athara Maverick - Can you make this clash? Clash will reveal cards - sufficient for inspired - and was a fun mechanic. As is, this is just "Oh, wow, did I get a 3/3 for 4? BORING. But consider:
Athara Maverick 2W
Creature — Bird Soldier Rebel (C)
Flying
When Athara Maverick enters the battlefield, clash with target opponent. If you wish the clash, gain 3 life. (Each clashing player reveals the top card of his or her library, then puts that card on the top or bottom. A player wins if his or her card had a higher converted mana cost.)
2/2
Banished by the Council - I think counting CMC is going to get boring quite quick. My suggestion is to move to a Scent of Jasmine-style mechanic. If you're okay with encouraging mono-colored decks (having a lot of hybrid and/or artifact cards at common and uncommon), this is great. Otherwise, perhaps, care about the number of enchantments or whatever you reveal.
In any case, this is an O-Ring variant, and those should be (U).
Braggard Swordsman - Can this read
Braggard Swordsman 2W
Creature - Human Soldier (C)
You may reveal two equipment cards in your hand rather than play ~'s mana cost.
2/2
End of the day, you get a gray ogre with upside. Yeah, you'll have odd turns where you have 4 of these and 2 equipment in hand and drop your hand. But, really, it's a mediocre limited card with some build-around-me bonus.
Cloud-King Griffin - 1. This feels uncommon (IE, you can win lots of games off of this, ignoring flash combat tricks) (also, king?), and 2. This feels bad. The theme thus far as been revealing. In light of that, anything FILLER (and this is clearly filler) should not have text on it. Make it a french vanilla:
Monarch Griffin 3WW
Creature - Griffin (U)
Flying, Lifelink, Vigilance, Flash
3/3
Oh, this is bad. But it's not clearly bad, and has some limited playability. If you had cycling or another similar mechanic, you could even make this fringe playable w/o warping limited.
Dakra Cavalry-Guard - Double W in the mana cost at common hurts limited, especially at 3 mana. Overall, this feels boring. Can it be:
Dakra Cavalry-Guard 2W
Creature - Elf Knight
First Strike
If you played Dakra Cavalry-Guard with mana from a non-mana source, it enters the battlefield with a +1/+1 counter on it.
2/2
Elk of the Hathari - So a 3/2 for 1W. You'll note that revealing has no combat trick potential here, in most cases. My suggestion:
Guarded Soldier 1W
Creature - Human Soldier (relevant) (C)
Inspired - As long as you've revealed a card from your hand or library this turn, ~ gets +0/+2.
2/2
(Of course, this as a vanilla 2/2 with Inspired-Madness of W would be pretty great.)
Forge a Plan - 1. I like plot. But Plot feels terrible for this set - revealing stuff all the time, the flash is less... flashy. I mean, you're revealing your plot! It's like making a set with Investigate and making the other main mechanic "As long as you don't have a clue, effect." Anti-synergy.
Oh, and on the card - it's underpowered, plot or not.
Geist of Hope - I genuinely don't like CMC-related cards (it's super swingy here), and I suggest maybe making it cost 3 and do 3 cards (for the numerology of it). Perhaps have the life gain relate to the p of the revealed creature, and have you put it into your hand (or if you've got inspired-madness you'd reveal, then play it...).
Edit:
Hathari Scout - Why isn't this triggered upon revealing a card (perhaps a card of a certain type)? Overall, this is very fragile and feels like limited filler. When designing limited filler, though, it's nice to try to make a scenario where it's constructed playable. Give it a fairly competitive p/t ratio and an eclectic creature type, and you're good.
Neutralize the Threat - I know we just had a functionally inferior pacifism variant, but I don't need a functionally superior one either. Just reprint pacifism. Nice, simple, easy, fringe playable (especially with a few black/red hurt-self cards), and saves TEXT room for other cards in your set. If you want an inspired pacifism, cost it at 2W. Just be aware it'd be useless.
Rebel’s Vigor - (1) Is the creature a rebel? No? Change the name. (2) would W for +1/+1, vigilance, and first strike be overpowered? No? Then no "until end of turn" design. Instants for instants, enchantments for enchantments. Heck, I'd argue that you could give this flash and it would still likely be garbage.
Scout’s Antelope - Why are so many inspired things... idiot animals that couldn't tell their head from headlights? 1 life is forgetable. Quite frankly, the bookkeeping involved here is just annoying. If you NEED a hill giant variant, print a french vanilla one:
Name 3W Lifelink (or flash or vigilance or inspired-madness 2W) 3/3
Send to Sabotage - Why isn't this just a 1/1 with a CIP ability? Also, why isn't your disenchant variant inspired?
Skypicker Elf - Wow, interesting. Good job. Not sure why all the white elves, but whatever.
Storming Volley - No storm for you. Come on man. Just say no to such things.
Tower’s-Light Infantry - I can't help but think you can change this mechanic into clash (or a cool, Clash-like ability that fuels inspired). However, mystery seems like a lot of bookkeeping/exile play, and that's just ANNOYING. There are PLENTY of private-information things that don't involve exile. Maybe give it the following keyword:
Insight (At the end of turn, you may look at the top card of your library.)
Then do something like this:
Tower’s-Light Infantry 1W
Creature — Human Soldier (U)
Insight (At the end of turn, you may look at the top card of your library.)
0: Reveal the top card of your library. If it is a creature card with flying, this gains flying until end of turn. The same is true for first strike, vigilance, and lifelink. Use this ability only once per turn.
2/2
Tuskmage Heirophant - You should try to make your "reveal" mechanics consistent. This pseudo-looting is off-color, and confusing. It strikes me that you can easily make this clash or insight related. In fact, if ALL your reveal stuff is a matter of top-card of your library, black discard, blue/green "choice" cards, or red "game" cards (IE, reveal a random card from your hand, if it's an X, Y.), it'll be fine.
In fact, maybe make each color have it's own reveal mechanics:
R: Clash
B: Discard (with no "inspired" or "inspired-madness" cards)
U Gifts ungiven-style cards.
W: Insight (This is more or less "End of turn" kinship, w/ or w/o the pseudo-scry
G: Kinship
Tuskmage Meditant - I'm not sure why you have a 2/3 elephant. Again, I strongly advise you to move plot to a different set; the anti-synergy is deafening.
Final thoughts:
1. There's a lot of conceptual oversights here; several 2/2s for 1W, several 3/3 (or soon to be) flyers, etc. When drafting I should be able to immediately identify what ever card is; so if you have multiple creatures for 1W, I better be able to know what's what. The 1/3 distinguishes itself from your 2/2s, for example.
2. There's a lot of text here - some related to keywords/ability words, and some just there to make the cards feel different. Simpler cards are always better, especially at common. This is one of the main reasons why Keywords are far better than ability words. You might think the "inspired madness" mechanic is "boring" insofar as it's just another way to play the spells in question, but it opens up a clear, advantageous mechanic that works with multiple mechanics. Inspired-Madness is a counter to reveal-discard effects from blue, works exceptionally well with tutor, reveal effects, works with clash, kinship, etc.
3. I cannot stress how anti-synergistic giving things flash is when your opponent knows what's in your hand. There's no way to avoid this except to remove one of the mechanics. Since I haven't seen any spells really interested in being given flash, I think the answer is clear: Move Plot to a different block.