So, i'be had a relationship with this girl for two years. We lived with her mother for 8 months. We we're always 'the perfect couple'' until we moved... Since my parents died i've been stuck witha farm.. wich was finnaly sold! I could get my own place and move on. So it seemed.. My GF wanted to move to another province. I loved her, so i complied. After i've spend al my money building our little dreamhouse i thought we we're in paradise. I was wrong. She got depressed and left after two months. This was five months ago. She was mad at me because i said she was being selfish. I put all my money in her little dreamhouse. I had nothing left. She would provide for a single year so i could finish school.She had a fulltime job at this point. But since we moved she didn't want to work anymore and wanted to travel, see things or study. Anyway, she was mad and never gave me a good reason why she left. she did contact me a few times. Mostly to tell me how fun it was on her own and to rub salt in my wounds...
Nou 5 months later i still miss her. I never got over her. But life goes on. I've started seeing this girl. she's great. i really like her, but she's not my ex. But now my ex contacted me again. She apolagized and told me that she was having a breakdown. She wasn't ready for a real house with a mortage and she never got over her fathers death. She wants to meet me. I've told her that it would be a bad idea since i still loved her and meeting as won't help me get over her.Also that i was currently dating another girl. She said i should still date the other girl but meet anyway. Because she still has feelings for me, but she doesn't know if it's enough to be a couple again. She wants to see what these feelings are by meeting me.
What should i do? I don't want to mislead the other girl. I really want my ex and me together again, but somewhere i'm feeling she's giving me false hope.
Private Mod Note
():
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Thanks to SpiderBoy4 @ High-Light Studio's for the awesome banner
“I once had an entire race killed just to listen to the rattling of their dried bones as I waded through them.” —Volrath
Your ex is a terrible person, and by no means should you get back together. Rather than talk to you about her problems, she abandoned you (leaving you in a bad position financially and with school) AND cruelly let you know how great life was without you. And to top it off - she blamed you. She's realizing now life isn't as grand as she thought it was and now wants back in where things were cozy. But there is no reason to believe she won't leave you again for greener pastures the moment something slightly more appealing comes along. The reality here is that 'runners' will always run from their problems. The reason you were the 'perfect couple' before is because you didn't experience any stress that could send her running. The moment things get hard, she'll run again - I guarantee it. All you've done is try to do what she wants, and what you really need is to do what you need.
She is manipulating you emotionally - you can't trust her and you definitely shouldn't meet with her again. She'll just try and play your emotions again. You may not realize this, but she's been manipulating you from the beginning. Think about it, you moved to another province and spent all the money you have left from your parents on this home - a home she wanted in a place she wanted - on the idea that she'd support you both while you finished school. And she couldn't handle two whole months? What the everloving ****? She might be legitimately sorry right now, but she's not sorry for what she did to you - she's only sorry that it didn't work out for her.
Honestly, the way your post is written it seems like you know all this already and are looking for someone to talk you down. So here it is: if you get back together with this woman, she will make you miserable. She has already been horribly cruel to you and I'm angry on your behalf just thinking about this woman. The reason you haven't gotten over her is because of the horrible way she left you, and she made sure to keep in touch to keep her hooks in you. Yank those hooks out. Text her that you're done and that you don't want to talk to her again. She doesn't deserve the courtesy of a face to face meeting - she doesn't even rate a phone call. Then block her phone number and, most importantly, cut off all contact with her. She is a manipulative, cruel woman and you need distance. If she shows up at the house, tell her to leave or you'll call the police, and say nothing else.
Don't keep your ex's contact a secret from the new girl. Tell her the ex is trying to contact you and use her for emotional support. She doesn't have to be 'the one', but anything is better than your ex. One manipulative tactic people like your ex pull is to have 'secret' meetings because it keeps their power over you. Tell your new girl and you take away your ex's power.
As to the death of her father, grief is no excuse for cruelty. Not getting over the loss of her father didn't prevent her from having super fun times. If she's messed up this long after her father, it's going to be a lot longer before she's okay, if ever. That's something she needs to deal with, and it's not your responsibility. It's just another manipulation tactic, to make you feel like you need to be her white knight.
Skip the Ex. Bad news period. Learn to live on your own for a while, learn to appreciate yourself and your own company. Value yourself. If you keep dating the new girl, make sure she's not merely a substitute. 2 years is a good amount of time to date and get to know a person, not to get a mortgage. Sounds like you're a nice
guy, probably too nice. Until you value yourself properly, expect to be walked on. You haven't had many choices that were your own in your life. Choose some and live life! Buy some expensive magic cards, travel to Europe or Asia! Do some crazy ***** and try new stuff. Date a ton with no intentions of being serious. Try speed-dating or something ridiculous. Most importantly, NO EX and no rushed relationships!
Man, speaking from far too much experience of going back to exes, she's your ex for a reason. I know you love her and the new girl isn't her, but sometimes you just gotta let go. It's not easy and it sucks, but in the end it's what's best for you.
Private Mod Note
():
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Standard: GR Pummeler
Modern: Mono-Red Control, Lantern Control, Eldrazi Taxes, Skred Infect
Pauper: Affinity
EDH: Gaddock Teeg Kithkin Tribal, Meren
Legacy: 8 Rack, Omnitell (Both in progress)
Thans the advice people! I know she's probably bad news.. Last week she Messaged me a few times. She wanted to know if i've been dating other girls and if i've been intimate with other girls. She's also been spitting through my FB page. But she keeps saying that i shouldn't get my hopes up and that she doesn't want to give me false hope. But isn't that exactly what she's doing? I want meet her and bury the hatchet, but i can't figure out what her agenda is...
Private Mod Note
():
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Thanks to SpiderBoy4 @ High-Light Studio's for the awesome banner
“I once had an entire race killed just to listen to the rattling of their dried bones as I waded through them.” —Volrath
She wanted to know if i've been dating other girls and if i've been intimate with other girls. She's also been spitting through my FB page. But she keeps saying that i shouldn't get my hopes up and that she doesn't want to give me false hope. But isn't that exactly what she's doing?
She's manipulating you for her own personal gain. Plain and simple.
Sure you can. Her agenda has been spelled out by almost every person in this thread. She's trying to get you back, because she didn't realize what she had. Don't give in.
Playing millions of cards every turn... Slowly and systematically obliterating any chance my opponent has of winning... Clicking the multitude of locking mechanisms into place... Not even trying to win myself until turn 10+ once I have nigh absolute control... Watching my opponent desperately trying to navigate the labyrinthine prison that I've constructed... Seeing the light of hope fade and ultimately extinguished in an excruciatingly slow manner... THAT'S fun Magic.
We have 2-3 users that are dramatically making this thread incomprehensible and non-productive for anyone else to possibly join in the discussion. This needs to change.
Every time I see [ktkenshinx] post in here, I get the impression of a stern dad walking in on a bunch of kids trying to do something dumb and just shaking his head in disappointment.
Near Mint: The same as Slightly Played, but we threw some Altoids in the box we stored it in to cover up the scent of dead mice. Slightly Played: The base condition for all MTG cards. This card looks OK, but there’s one minor annoying ding in it that will always irritate and distract you whenever you draw it. Moderately Played: This card looks like it survived the Tet Offensive tucked inside the waistband of GI underwear. It may smell like it, too. Heavily Played: This card looks like the remains of Mohammed Atta’s passport after 9/11. It may be playable if you double-sleeve it to stop the chunks from falling out. The condition formerly known as "Washing Machine Grade" Damaged: This card is the unfortunate victim of a Mirrorweave/March of the Machines/Chaos Confetti/Mindslaver combo.
[M]aking counterfeit cards is the absolute height of dishonesty. Ask yourself this question: Since most people...are totally cool with the use of proxies...what purpose do [high] quality counterfeit cards serve?
I'm going to support what everyone else is saying and say stay as far away from the ex as possible. Don't even meet up with her.
Jay13x pretty much said it all. But I'll add in one more thing: there are things people because they are upset or even out of control, and there are things people do which reflect the quality of their hearts.
This is Column A:
If your girl screams at you, gives up in the moment, walks out on a fight, cries and shuts down, refuses to listen to you ---these are things which may come in the heat of the moment. All these fall in the category of losing control of one's emotions, being stressed out, refusing to extend social courtesies.
This is Column B:
If a girl manipulates you emotionally, blames you for being selfish, tells you how fun it was without you to rub salt in your wounds ---these are acts of cruelty. They are not the result of a breakdown.
Look if my parents died, it doesn't matter how distraught I am, I'm not going to go off and microwave puppies because I'm emotionally distraught. I'm not going to tie up kittens and pull their whiskers off them to enjoy watching their pain. Cruelty is a function of the heart. Some people just are just wired that way. They might not perform criminal acts, but they honestly to god feel better by inflicting pain on others.
A girl who calls you up to rub salt in your wounds takes pleasure from inflicting pain. It's not like you encountered her randomly and things got heated. She went out of her way to inflict pain on you. You know when I go out of my way to do something? It's because I want to. Same thing with your ex. She wanted to inflict pain on you, to be cruel to you, to manipulate you emotionally. She gets off on your emotional destruction.
You cannot go back to this kind of girl. Taking pleasure from inflicting pain is a fundamental kind of brain wiring. It's not a matter of forgiving them. It's a matter of them being inherently screwed up in the head. Imagine something you take pleasure in, like building a future with someone you care about. What would it take for you to hate and detest, to even feel pain from building a future with someone you care about?
If that sounds absolutely ridiculous, it's because you can't change someone's inherent emotional reactions.
Your ex is definitely one of those people who inherently takes pleasure in your emotional destruction. Avoid her at all costs. Don't bury the hatchet. Don't seek closure. If you're baffled at her agenda, I will explain her agenda to you now: to hurt you more.
If you do not avoid her, then I'm going to make a prediction about your future:
I don't know when, I don't know how, but someday she will falsely accuse you of something. False accusations are the easiest simplest way to ruin someone's life. They take no work, and they are the final destination of anyone who takes pleasure in inflicting pain on others.
Okay. We Messaged again today. And in the middle of a conversation she wanted to tell me something. She had been seeing another guy 3 months after we broke up. I asked her why she felt that i needed to know this. She didn't know, she just thought i needed to know. And that she still wasn't sure what she feels.
I'm really inclined to block her number. I really can't use this psychological mind ******* right now. But somehow i still want her.
Private Mod Note
():
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Thanks to SpiderBoy4 @ High-Light Studio's for the awesome banner
“I once had an entire race killed just to listen to the rattling of their dried bones as I waded through them.” —Volrath
The want will be there until you finally let go, which you will need to do to move on and heal. Block her number and let time do its thing. It's the best possible thing for you that you can do.
Private Mod Note
():
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Standard: GR Pummeler
Modern: Mono-Red Control, Lantern Control, Eldrazi Taxes, Skred Infect
Pauper: Affinity
EDH: Gaddock Teeg Kithkin Tribal, Meren
Legacy: 8 Rack, Omnitell (Both in progress)
Okay. We Messaged again today. And in the middle of a conversation she wanted to tell me something. She had been seeing another guy 3 months after we broke up. I asked her why she felt that i needed to know this. She didn't know, she just thought i needed to know. And that she still wasn't sure what she feels.
I'm really inclined to block her number. I really can't use this psychological mind ******* right now. But somehow i still want her.
Like I wrote earlier, she gets off on your pain. I know that might sound crude, but 4% of the population is wired that way. So I mean it in a clinical neutral sense.
She told you she was seeing another guy and wanted to let you know because she wanted your emotional reaction.
If you replied "OMG, I really want you back now" That would make her feel wanted. She still doesn't want you back though. She left you. She just wants emotional validation. it's like candy to her feelings.
If you replied with hurt which is what you said "why do i need to know this" she would get a psychological mind **** out of you.
and guess what. You played the part beautifully. You are now mind ****ed. You are now hurt. You feel bad. and she got the emotional candy she wanted out of you.
So I reiterate my former post. She is manipulating you for her pleasure. Avoid her at all costs.
She said i should still date the other girl but meet anyway. Because she still has feelings for me, but she doesn't know if it's enough to be a couple again. She wants to see what these feelings are by meeting me.
Really? Well let her figure that out on her own.
Seriously, your ex is a person with absolutely no respect for you. Don't see her again. Definitely don't get back together with her.
She said i should still date the other girl but meet anyway. Because she still has feelings for me, but she doesn't know if it's enough to be a couple again. She wants to see what these feelings are by meeting me.
Really? Well let her figure that out on her own.
Seriously, your ex is a person with absolutely no respect for you. Don't see her again. Definitely don't get back together with her.
We did meet up. I mostly agreed to see if she has changed. She hasn't. We've talked for about an hour. In that time she told me she had sex with a guy in the city park and that she made out with her boss. She hated that guy because he's 37, lives with his parents and picks up 17 year olds to screw at his parents place. Also, she didn't feel anything for me. She can't fake it. I was fed up with this **** and left Satan there alone. I kinda hoped she turned around so that i at least could get an apologie for what she did to me and that we could attend the same birthday parties. I was sorely misstaken.
Private Mod Note
():
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Thanks to SpiderBoy4 @ High-Light Studio's for the awesome banner
“I once had an entire race killed just to listen to the rattling of their dried bones as I waded through them.” —Volrath
We did meet up. I mostly agreed to see if she has changed. She hasn't. We've talked for about an hour. In that time she told me she had sex with a guy in the city park and that she made out with her boss. She hated that guy because he's 37, lives with his parents and picks up 17 year olds to screw at his parents place. Also, she didn't feel anything for me. She can't fake it. I was fed up with this **** and left Satan there alone. I kinda hoped she turned around so that i at least could get an apologie for what she did to me and that we could attend the same birthday parties. I was sorely misstaken.
Well, at least you know for sure now and can close that chapter.
What a horrible person, begging to meet up with you and then spending part of the time telling you, her ex, about all the people she's hooked up with. Like I said, she obviously didn't care about how she treated you, she only cares that it hasn't worked out for her. I highly recommend never coming in contact with her again.
We did meet up. I mostly agreed to see if she has changed. She hasn't. We've talked for about an hour. In that time she told me she had sex with a guy in the city park and that she made out with her boss. She hated that guy because he's 37, lives with his parents and picks up 17 year olds to screw at his parents place. Also, she didn't feel anything for me. She can't fake it. I was fed up with this **** and left Satan there alone.
Holy ***** dude. She did you a favor by leaving. This girl has some serious-ass attention-seeking issues that she needs to deal with and you need to stay the hell away from.
I kinda hoped she turned around so that i at least could get an apologie for what she did to me and that we could attend the same birthday parties. I was sorely misstaken.
I kinda figured that the main issue here was getting her respect, but you didn't get it and you may never get it.
The main thing, though, is to know that you deserved it even if she never gave you it. You gave up a lot for this girl, and look at what you received in return. So it doesn't matter if she ever shapes up and learns to appreciate you. You should appreciate you, because you were willing to devote yourself as much as you did to her.
You deserve better, man. Hopefully someone will come along soon who will see all of the things you're bringing to the table. Meantime, like Jay said, you've closed a chapter.
Yes, I can't agree with the others enough. Your ex was only out to hurt you. Why else would she have said "I might want to get back together" while she was seeing someone else? Don't get strung along by people who clearly have emotional and/or mental issues - you'll be a lot happier as a result, speaking from experience.
2011: Best Mafia Performance (Individual) - Best Newcomer
2012: Best (False?) Role Claim - Worst Town Performance (Group) - Best Mafia Performance (Group) - Best SK Performance - Best Overall Player
2013: Best Non-SK Neutral Performance
2014: Best Town Performance (Individual) - Best Town Performance (Group) - Most Interesting Role - Best Game - Best Overall Player
2015: Worst Mafia Performance (Group) - Best Read
2016: Best Town Performance (Group) - Best Town Player - Best Overall Player
She wanted your reaction. It's like candy to her. She tells you something that will hurt you, then you react in your facial expressions, your tone of voice, or simply just stewing with those thoughts in place.
You are basically a vending machine to her.
I predict that she will reach out to you again. She will be sweet, kind, maybe even offer to get physical with you.
She will probably come on to you when you are in a relationship with someone else.
Then she will drop you, cheat on you, sleep with other guys, and then tell you to your face again.
She will also try to get you to breakup or cheat on your current relationship when she comes onto you again.
You don't have to believe what I'm telling you. After all I'm just a guy on the internet. I never met this girl. How do I know?
I know because of this: All of her interactions with you have a common theme. 1. Contact you. 2. Tell you hurtful crap to your face.
Most people don't get off on hurting other people, so we can be pretty conclusive that shes doing this to hurt you.
We also know that she get's off on it because she goes out of her way to make these things happen.
She got her pain-candy from you the first time you broke up.
She got her pain-candy from you again when you guys messaged her other and you 'thought' about blocking her number.
She got her pain-candy from you a third time when you met with her again to see if she had changed.
Don't be fooled a 4th time. Cut her out of your life.
Addendum: Do not believe her if in the future she says she has changed. It is nigh-impossible to change a base emotional instinct. Getting off on someone else's pain is the deepest manner of internal wiring. It cannot be changed anymore than YOU can be changed to START getting off on people's destruction as well.
I'm still having a hard time with it all. Because she left me, i have to work atleast 32 hours a week next to my 40 hour internship to pay the bills. I work 7 days a week with 3 days of 20 hours. I'm kinda slipping into a depression. I have no friends, relatives or aqcuintences in this city, or entire province for that matter. Only coworkers. I feel very lonlely, think about my ex a lot and i even began to have anxiety attacks. I wish i could get into my hobbies etc to deal with this, but i don't have the time and i can't make anymore freetime.. Do you guys know of someway to deal with this stress/depression?
Private Mod Note
():
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Thanks to SpiderBoy4 @ High-Light Studio's for the awesome banner
“I once had an entire race killed just to listen to the rattling of their dried bones as I waded through them.” —Volrath
I'm sorry you're going through hard times. I've been there and had to hit the reset button on my life a couple times because of it.
As of now, you're living in 'her' idea of a dream house. I'd recommend you look into selling it so you're not constantly reminded of her. If you enjoy your internship, stay in town and just get an Apartment. Bills will be much less that way and it will help you get some closure. If it's a job you can get anywhere, I say move back to your hometown. That's what I did, it sucks restarting a life, but you'll have a little bit of a safty net from the home sale and you'll have your friends and other family members for support which will ease your stress considerably.
I hope things work out for you and that this experience doesn't turn you cold like mine did. Best of luck.
I'm still having a hard time with it all. Because she left me, i have to work atleast 32 hours a week next to my 40 hour internship to pay the bills. I work 7 days a week with 3 days of 20 hours. I'm kinda slipping into a depression. I have no friends, relatives or aqcuintences in this city, or entire province for that matter. Only coworkers. I feel very lonlely, think about my ex a lot and i even began to have anxiety attacks. I wish i could get into my hobbies etc to deal with this, but i don't have the time and i can't make anymore freetime.. Do you guys know of someway to deal with this stress/depression?
First of all I want to commend you for writing this. Acknowledging that you're falling into depression from the other elements in your life is important to figuring out what to do and what not to do.
The fact is anyone working 32 hours a week on top of a 40 hour internship would feel terrible. It's an awful life.
What I would do if I were you is try to sell your house and move elsewhere.
I don't know if you have parents or friends and family to stay with. But find some place to live cheaply and regain your financial footing.
How old are you? What education do you have? that's relevant to what advice would be best for you.
I'm still having a hard time with it all. Because she left me, i have to work atleast 32 hours a week next to my 40 hour internship to pay the bills. I work 7 days a week with 3 days of 20 hours. I'm kinda slipping into a depression. I have no friends, relatives or aqcuintences in this city, or entire province for that matter. Only coworkers. I feel very lonlely, think about my ex a lot and i even began to have anxiety attacks. I wish i could get into my hobbies etc to deal with this, but i don't have the time and i can't make anymore freetime.. Do you guys know of someway to deal with this stress/depression?
First of all I want to commend you for writing this. Acknowledging that you're falling into depression from the other elements in your life is important to figuring out what to do and what not to do.
The fact is anyone working 32 hours a week on top of a 40 hour internship would feel terrible. It's an awful life.
What I would do if I were you is try to sell your house and move elsewhere.
I don't know if you have parents or friends and family to stay with. But find some place to live cheaply and regain your financial footing.
How old are you? What education do you have? that's relevant to what advice would be best for you.
Well, my parents are dead. I do have two brothers. I've raised my younger brother since my fathers death. He's mildly autistic and an alcoholic. My oldest brother has a familie of his own. So they're no option. I'm 27 and currently working on my bachelor. If i move i'll never live as cheaply as i'm now...
Private Mod Note
():
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Thanks to SpiderBoy4 @ High-Light Studio's for the awesome banner
“I once had an entire race killed just to listen to the rattling of their dried bones as I waded through them.” —Volrath
My depression and stress seems to have triggerd a migraine..
I'm thinking of seeing a shrink, but i can't afford one. My i can get there with a doctor's note or something... But when i do see one, it's on The days that i have my internship. That's a bummer.
How can i get rid of these anxiety or panick attacks?
Private Mod Note
():
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Thanks to SpiderBoy4 @ High-Light Studio's for the awesome banner
“I once had an entire race killed just to listen to the rattling of their dried bones as I waded through them.” —Volrath
Well you can try the natural route with vitamins like Magnesium or B12. They will not be the end all be all but it may help or do nothing at all. Do your homework and see what could work for you.
Until you tell yourself eff it and move on its gonna be rough my friend. Ive been there. Some times you gotta laugh and tell yourself 'at least its not....(something worse than what you are going through).'
Private Mod Note
():
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
I dream of beer head armies.
To post a comment, please login or register a new account.
So, i'be had a relationship with this girl for two years. We lived with her mother for 8 months. We we're always 'the perfect couple'' until we moved... Since my parents died i've been stuck witha farm.. wich was finnaly sold! I could get my own place and move on. So it seemed.. My GF wanted to move to another province. I loved her, so i complied. After i've spend al my money building our little dreamhouse i thought we we're in paradise. I was wrong. She got depressed and left after two months. This was five months ago. She was mad at me because i said she was being selfish. I put all my money in her little dreamhouse. I had nothing left. She would provide for a single year so i could finish school.She had a fulltime job at this point. But since we moved she didn't want to work anymore and wanted to travel, see things or study. Anyway, she was mad and never gave me a good reason why she left. she did contact me a few times. Mostly to tell me how fun it was on her own and to rub salt in my wounds...
Nou 5 months later i still miss her. I never got over her. But life goes on. I've started seeing this girl. she's great. i really like her, but she's not my ex. But now my ex contacted me again. She apolagized and told me that she was having a breakdown. She wasn't ready for a real house with a mortage and she never got over her fathers death. She wants to meet me. I've told her that it would be a bad idea since i still loved her and meeting as won't help me get over her.Also that i was currently dating another girl. She said i should still date the other girl but meet anyway. Because she still has feelings for me, but she doesn't know if it's enough to be a couple again. She wants to see what these feelings are by meeting me.
What should i do? I don't want to mislead the other girl. I really want my ex and me together again, but somewhere i'm feeling she's giving me false hope.
“I once had an entire race killed just to listen to the rattling of their dried bones as I waded through them.”
—Volrath
Your ex is a terrible person, and by no means should you get back together. Rather than talk to you about her problems, she abandoned you (leaving you in a bad position financially and with school) AND cruelly let you know how great life was without you. And to top it off - she blamed you. She's realizing now life isn't as grand as she thought it was and now wants back in where things were cozy. But there is no reason to believe she won't leave you again for greener pastures the moment something slightly more appealing comes along. The reality here is that 'runners' will always run from their problems. The reason you were the 'perfect couple' before is because you didn't experience any stress that could send her running. The moment things get hard, she'll run again - I guarantee it. All you've done is try to do what she wants, and what you really need is to do what you need.
She is manipulating you emotionally - you can't trust her and you definitely shouldn't meet with her again. She'll just try and play your emotions again. You may not realize this, but she's been manipulating you from the beginning. Think about it, you moved to another province and spent all the money you have left from your parents on this home - a home she wanted in a place she wanted - on the idea that she'd support you both while you finished school. And she couldn't handle two whole months? What the everloving ****? She might be legitimately sorry right now, but she's not sorry for what she did to you - she's only sorry that it didn't work out for her.
Honestly, the way your post is written it seems like you know all this already and are looking for someone to talk you down. So here it is: if you get back together with this woman, she will make you miserable. She has already been horribly cruel to you and I'm angry on your behalf just thinking about this woman. The reason you haven't gotten over her is because of the horrible way she left you, and she made sure to keep in touch to keep her hooks in you. Yank those hooks out. Text her that you're done and that you don't want to talk to her again. She doesn't deserve the courtesy of a face to face meeting - she doesn't even rate a phone call. Then block her phone number and, most importantly, cut off all contact with her. She is a manipulative, cruel woman and you need distance. If she shows up at the house, tell her to leave or you'll call the police, and say nothing else.
Don't keep your ex's contact a secret from the new girl. Tell her the ex is trying to contact you and use her for emotional support. She doesn't have to be 'the one', but anything is better than your ex. One manipulative tactic people like your ex pull is to have 'secret' meetings because it keeps their power over you. Tell your new girl and you take away your ex's power.
As to the death of her father, grief is no excuse for cruelty. Not getting over the loss of her father didn't prevent her from having super fun times. If she's messed up this long after her father, it's going to be a lot longer before she's okay, if ever. That's something she needs to deal with, and it's not your responsibility. It's just another manipulation tactic, to make you feel like you need to be her white knight.
TerribleBad at Magic since 1998.A Vorthos Guide to Magic Story | Twitter | Tumblr
[Primer] Krenko | Azor | Kess | Zacama | Kumena | Sram | The Ur-Dragon | Edgar Markov | Daretti | Marath
guy, probably too nice. Until you value yourself properly, expect to be walked on. You haven't had many choices that were your own in your life. Choose some and live life! Buy some expensive magic cards, travel to Europe or Asia! Do some crazy ***** and try new stuff. Date a ton with no intentions of being serious. Try speed-dating or something ridiculous. Most importantly, NO EX and no rushed relationships!
EDH Decks
RGMarhault Elsdragon (A Touch of Rampage)RG
GWTrostani, Early Bird (Wurm Tribal)GW
RWAgrus Kos, Bumbat Drinkin' BadassRW
RDiaochan, Hateful BeautyR
Modern: Mono-Red Control, Lantern Control, Eldrazi Taxes, Skred Infect
Pauper: Affinity
EDH: Gaddock Teeg Kithkin Tribal, Meren
Legacy: 8 Rack, Omnitell (Both in progress)
“I once had an entire race killed just to listen to the rattling of their dried bones as I waded through them.”
—Volrath
She's manipulating you for her own personal gain. Plain and simple.
No, you don't. What you want, is to meet with her and find out that she's changed. But she hasn't, and you know it.
Sure you can. Her agenda has been spelled out by almost every person in this thread. She's trying to get you back, because she didn't realize what she had. Don't give in.
WUDeath&TaxesWG
Legacy
UBRGDredgeUBRG
UHigh TideU
URGLandsURG
WR Card Choice List
WUR American D&T
WUB Esper D&T
The Reserved List
Heat Maps
Jay13x pretty much said it all. But I'll add in one more thing: there are things people because they are upset or even out of control, and there are things people do which reflect the quality of their hearts.
This is Column A:
If your girl screams at you, gives up in the moment, walks out on a fight, cries and shuts down, refuses to listen to you ---these are things which may come in the heat of the moment. All these fall in the category of losing control of one's emotions, being stressed out, refusing to extend social courtesies.
This is Column B:
If a girl manipulates you emotionally, blames you for being selfish, tells you how fun it was without you to rub salt in your wounds ---these are acts of cruelty. They are not the result of a breakdown.
Look if my parents died, it doesn't matter how distraught I am, I'm not going to go off and microwave puppies because I'm emotionally distraught. I'm not going to tie up kittens and pull their whiskers off them to enjoy watching their pain. Cruelty is a function of the heart. Some people just are just wired that way. They might not perform criminal acts, but they honestly to god feel better by inflicting pain on others.
A girl who calls you up to rub salt in your wounds takes pleasure from inflicting pain. It's not like you encountered her randomly and things got heated. She went out of her way to inflict pain on you. You know when I go out of my way to do something? It's because I want to. Same thing with your ex. She wanted to inflict pain on you, to be cruel to you, to manipulate you emotionally. She gets off on your emotional destruction.
You cannot go back to this kind of girl. Taking pleasure from inflicting pain is a fundamental kind of brain wiring. It's not a matter of forgiving them. It's a matter of them being inherently screwed up in the head. Imagine something you take pleasure in, like building a future with someone you care about. What would it take for you to hate and detest, to even feel pain from building a future with someone you care about?
If that sounds absolutely ridiculous, it's because you can't change someone's inherent emotional reactions.
Your ex is definitely one of those people who inherently takes pleasure in your emotional destruction. Avoid her at all costs. Don't bury the hatchet. Don't seek closure. If you're baffled at her agenda, I will explain her agenda to you now: to hurt you more.
If you do not avoid her, then I'm going to make a prediction about your future:
I don't know when, I don't know how, but someday she will falsely accuse you of something. False accusations are the easiest simplest way to ruin someone's life. They take no work, and they are the final destination of anyone who takes pleasure in inflicting pain on others.
I'm really inclined to block her number. I really can't use this psychological mind ******* right now. But somehow i still want her.
“I once had an entire race killed just to listen to the rattling of their dried bones as I waded through them.”
—Volrath
Modern: Mono-Red Control, Lantern Control, Eldrazi Taxes, Skred Infect
Pauper: Affinity
EDH: Gaddock Teeg Kithkin Tribal, Meren
Legacy: 8 Rack, Omnitell (Both in progress)
Like I wrote earlier, she gets off on your pain. I know that might sound crude, but 4% of the population is wired that way. So I mean it in a clinical neutral sense.
She told you she was seeing another guy and wanted to let you know because she wanted your emotional reaction.
If you replied "OMG, I really want you back now" That would make her feel wanted. She still doesn't want you back though. She left you. She just wants emotional validation. it's like candy to her feelings.
If you replied with hurt which is what you said "why do i need to know this" she would get a psychological mind **** out of you.
and guess what. You played the part beautifully. You are now mind ****ed. You are now hurt. You feel bad. and she got the emotional candy she wanted out of you.
So I reiterate my former post. She is manipulating you for her pleasure. Avoid her at all costs.
but seriously. dump her out completely. you did your part by building your dream house. and that should be enough.
Seriously, your ex is a person with absolutely no respect for you. Don't see her again. Definitely don't get back together with her.
We did meet up. I mostly agreed to see if she has changed. She hasn't. We've talked for about an hour. In that time she told me she had sex with a guy in the city park and that she made out with her boss. She hated that guy because he's 37, lives with his parents and picks up 17 year olds to screw at his parents place. Also, she didn't feel anything for me. She can't fake it. I was fed up with this **** and left Satan there alone. I kinda hoped she turned around so that i at least could get an apologie for what she did to me and that we could attend the same birthday parties. I was sorely misstaken.
“I once had an entire race killed just to listen to the rattling of their dried bones as I waded through them.”
—Volrath
What a horrible person, begging to meet up with you and then spending part of the time telling you, her ex, about all the people she's hooked up with. Like I said, she obviously didn't care about how she treated you, she only cares that it hasn't worked out for her. I highly recommend never coming in contact with her again.
TerribleBad at Magic since 1998.A Vorthos Guide to Magic Story | Twitter | Tumblr
[Primer] Krenko | Azor | Kess | Zacama | Kumena | Sram | The Ur-Dragon | Edgar Markov | Daretti | Marath
I kinda figured that the main issue here was getting her respect, but you didn't get it and you may never get it.
The main thing, though, is to know that you deserved it even if she never gave you it. You gave up a lot for this girl, and look at what you received in return. So it doesn't matter if she ever shapes up and learns to appreciate you. You should appreciate you, because you were willing to devote yourself as much as you did to her.
You deserve better, man. Hopefully someone will come along soon who will see all of the things you're bringing to the table. Meantime, like Jay said, you've closed a chapter.
{мы, тьма}
2012: Best (False?) Role Claim - Worst Town Performance (Group) - Best Mafia Performance (Group) - Best SK Performance - Best Overall Player
2013: Best Non-SK Neutral Performance
2014: Best Town Performance (Individual) - Best Town Performance (Group) - Most Interesting Role - Best Game - Best Overall Player
2015: Worst Mafia Performance (Group) - Best Read
2016: Best Town Performance (Group) - Best Town Player - Best Overall Player
You are basically a vending machine to her.
I predict that she will reach out to you again. She will be sweet, kind, maybe even offer to get physical with you.
She will probably come on to you when you are in a relationship with someone else.
Then she will drop you, cheat on you, sleep with other guys, and then tell you to your face again.
She will also try to get you to breakup or cheat on your current relationship when she comes onto you again.
You don't have to believe what I'm telling you. After all I'm just a guy on the internet. I never met this girl. How do I know?
I know because of this: All of her interactions with you have a common theme. 1. Contact you. 2. Tell you hurtful crap to your face.
Most people don't get off on hurting other people, so we can be pretty conclusive that shes doing this to hurt you.
We also know that she get's off on it because she goes out of her way to make these things happen.
She got her pain-candy from you the first time you broke up.
She got her pain-candy from you again when you guys messaged her other and you 'thought' about blocking her number.
She got her pain-candy from you a third time when you met with her again to see if she had changed.
Don't be fooled a 4th time. Cut her out of your life.
Addendum: Do not believe her if in the future she says she has changed. It is nigh-impossible to change a base emotional instinct. Getting off on someone else's pain is the deepest manner of internal wiring. It cannot be changed anymore than YOU can be changed to START getting off on people's destruction as well.
I'm still having a hard time with it all. Because she left me, i have to work atleast 32 hours a week next to my 40 hour internship to pay the bills. I work 7 days a week with 3 days of 20 hours. I'm kinda slipping into a depression. I have no friends, relatives or aqcuintences in this city, or entire province for that matter. Only coworkers. I feel very lonlely, think about my ex a lot and i even began to have anxiety attacks. I wish i could get into my hobbies etc to deal with this, but i don't have the time and i can't make anymore freetime.. Do you guys know of someway to deal with this stress/depression?
“I once had an entire race killed just to listen to the rattling of their dried bones as I waded through them.”
—Volrath
As of now, you're living in 'her' idea of a dream house. I'd recommend you look into selling it so you're not constantly reminded of her. If you enjoy your internship, stay in town and just get an Apartment. Bills will be much less that way and it will help you get some closure. If it's a job you can get anywhere, I say move back to your hometown. That's what I did, it sucks restarting a life, but you'll have a little bit of a safty net from the home sale and you'll have your friends and other family members for support which will ease your stress considerably.
I hope things work out for you and that this experience doesn't turn you cold like mine did. Best of luck.
First of all I want to commend you for writing this. Acknowledging that you're falling into depression from the other elements in your life is important to figuring out what to do and what not to do.
The fact is anyone working 32 hours a week on top of a 40 hour internship would feel terrible. It's an awful life.
What I would do if I were you is try to sell your house and move elsewhere.
I don't know if you have parents or friends and family to stay with. But find some place to live cheaply and regain your financial footing.
How old are you? What education do you have? that's relevant to what advice would be best for you.
Well, my parents are dead. I do have two brothers. I've raised my younger brother since my fathers death. He's mildly autistic and an alcoholic. My oldest brother has a familie of his own. So they're no option. I'm 27 and currently working on my bachelor. If i move i'll never live as cheaply as i'm now...
“I once had an entire race killed just to listen to the rattling of their dried bones as I waded through them.”
—Volrath
I'm thinking of seeing a shrink, but i can't afford one. My i can get there with a doctor's note or something... But when i do see one, it's on The days that i have my internship. That's a bummer.
How can i get rid of these anxiety or panick attacks?
“I once had an entire race killed just to listen to the rattling of their dried bones as I waded through them.”
—Volrath
Until you tell yourself eff it and move on its gonna be rough my friend. Ive been there. Some times you gotta laugh and tell yourself 'at least its not....(something worse than what you are going through).'