So, I'm currently a junior in college. Thing is, at the moment I am currently at a loss with what to do with my life (or in it). School just seems more like a chore rather than a means for me to reach a dream. To be honest I've never really had a dream, or something with which I was truly passionate about. Nor have I found anything I would consider myself to be "good" at that would make me a living. Lately I've just been cutting class and I always dread waking up the next morning because I just don't "feel anything" (as vague as that sounds). I've always felt a kinship with the dolls in clothing stores or any sort of puppet. Being pulled along in life, not really going anywhere. Just dancing to please those around me. Often times I wonder what kind of life I could lead without college, and whether or not I really am cut out for it. It goes without saying that thinking about this sort of thing has caused my grades to drop, so I'm limiting my options with each day.
It just makes me wonder; "what to do"? I don't know the answer or even how to go about finding one. I just wish there was a way to find it out. I just need help. Please advise.
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I've been there myself recently, and it took me a while to pull out of the downward spiral. Now's a good time to take a step back, take some more interesting classes (if your situation allows for it), and make time for the real basic things you enjoy in life. People make fun of "senioritis," but you'd rather be evaluating this stuff now than when you're in grad school for a dead-end degree or working a job you can't stand. Remember, most college graduates don't end up working in the field of their major. You're not remotely trapped into what you're doing right now.
Being good at something doesn't necessarily mean being preternaturally talented at it or grinding long hours of misery... sometimes it involves immersing yourself in something you love and getting to know it like the back of your hand. Maybe it'll end up a potential job, or maybe it'll just be a hobby you support. Either way, it keeps you moving forward, even if that something is just a game like Magic.
Maybe putting some distance between yourself and campus life would do some good as well. Getting away from that constant grind gives you some perspective and ease of mind, trust me.
I might recommend talking to a counselor or therapist. One should be available through your school's health center. "Feeling nothing" is actually a sign of depression.
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This really sounds like you have depression. Talk to a mental health professional, your school should have some that are free for you to visit. They deal with issues like this in students all the time.
So, I'm currently a junior in college. Thing is, at the moment I am currently at a loss with what to do with my life (or in it). School just seems more like a chore rather than a means for me to reach a dream. To be honest I've never really had a dream, or something with which I was truly passionate about. Nor have I found anything I would consider myself to be "good" at that would make me a living. Lately I've just been cutting class and I always dread waking up the next morning because I just don't "feel anything" (as vague as that sounds). I've always felt a kinship with the dolls in clothing stores or any sort of puppet. Being pulled along in life, not really going anywhere. Just dancing to please those around me. Often times I wonder what kind of life I could lead without college, and whether or not I really am cut out for it. It goes without saying that thinking about this sort of thing has caused my grades to drop, so I'm limiting my options with each day.
It just makes me wonder; "what to do"? I don't know the answer or even how to go about finding one. I just wish there was a way to find it out. I just need help. Please advise.
Well the correct answer to that is always "do what makes you come alive." But it seems like you're having trouble finding that. Not all that surprising really. From kindergarten to high school, you're mostly going to school because people tell you to. So it makes sense that you're asking now what it's all for.
What you might need is a break to go do something different. I felt a great deal of dissatisfaction my junior year, and what really helped was when I did a study abroad trip. It was a profound learning experience. Taught me more about who I am and what I want, taught me even more about who I'm not and what I don't want, and opened my eyes to how much I took for granted and was lucky to have. You could also take a semester off to sort of evaluate who you are.
Moreover, a counselor might help as others have suggested. I would definitely suggest meeting with an academic adviser, because if you're not going to class because you genuinely want to, it could mean you're not studying something you're actually passionate about.
As it relates to college specifically, I ran into a similar dead end with my studies and dropped out. My life didn't immediately end, but I also didn't immediately know what I wanted to do, either. I might also say that being out of school without a degree, with student loans, and without the structure of college was not necessarily an amazing experience. But it was probably better than continuing to fail at being a student in a field I didn't enjoy.
Things did work out for me - I eventually found a field I did enjoy, finished college with a different degree, and have stuck with that career. It can happen.
I might recommend talking to a counselor or therapist. One should be available through your school's health center. "Feeling nothing" is actually a sign of depression.
I can't agree with this. Sure talking to a counselor to see if they can help with college is a decent idea, but needing to see a therapist seems a little much. I was in the same situation as the OP. Not knowing what you want to do and feeling nothing is no more complicated than what is stated, he/she feels nothing towards school and that isn't something that needs therapy for. Now if the OP is hurting himself in other ways then there is definitely a need for some help. Feeling nothing isn't depression, it is pure neutral thoughts. I should know, I feel the same.
OP, I did the same thing as you. It took me 6 years to get an associates degree, through a combination of lack of money, life, and my own stuff. Every time I started school anew I would get perfect grades and everything was fine, but it faded quickly as I had no idea what I wanted to do and school just seemed like something I just did to please others and to reach my dream, but the things I thought I could do, or wanted to do, was something I knew I wasn't good enough at and had no talent for so I didn't want to spend my time going to school only to end up in some cubicle (although I am sure I am going to end up going there anyways). School itself caused me more problems than helped and every day going there just made things worse for me, and my home life wasn't getting easier at the time either. I have 40k in loans and don't really have anything to show for it. Hell, I didn't even pick up my diploma because I couldn't care about it.
Ultimately OP I would think real hard on what you enjoy and see if maybe there are ways to work a career into that. School counselors have some tests and stuff that may help you find what you are suited for and could give you ideas or, at the very least, give you something to think about which may help you solve some of the things that weigh on your mind.
Our system is backwards, how can you expect a 17 year old to know what he/she will do for the rest of their lives at such young age with no world view, no world experience.
To put it bluntly, 17-18 year olds are mostly babies, they're spoon fed, sheltered at home, they have basically no real skills and worse they have swelled heads from years of people telling them they are great at taking poops and wiping their butts. Don't take it personally and don't blame anyone.
But the good news is, YOU finally realize that something is not right. Most people just push on and grind through their life without even knowing they didn't get to make a choice. You have a choice, don't waste this opportunity!
Not knowing what you want to do and feeling nothing is no more complicated than what is stated, he/she feels nothing towards school and that isn't something that needs therapy for. Now if the OP is hurting himself in other ways then there is definitely a need for some help. Feeling nothing isn't depression, it is pure neutral thoughts.
A feeling of emptiness is indeed one symptom of depression. But there is more to it, so the OP would be well served to have a conversation with a therapist.
Your comments on declining motivation resonated - I certainly felt that during my extended college experience.
I might add that I rather enjoy my career, even though it does include a cubicle.
@SaintA - I agree it would be ideal to have perfect knowledge before high school, even.
However, I have found that what I enjoy doing has changed over time. And that as my career has progressed that I can do more of what I enjoy and less of what I don't. I have also hired a fair number of folks from other fields who have been successful in my field. So I have come to believe that there isn't a single perfect degree for anyone - that it is possible to have an enjoyable career with a variety of different starting points.
I do agree that it is a great opportunuty to be thoughtful about the future!
Our system is backwards, how can you expect a 17 year old to know what he/she will do for the rest of their lives at such young age with no world view, no world experience.
To put it bluntly, 17-18 year olds are mostly babies, they're spoon fed, sheltered at home, they have basically no real skills and worse they have swelled heads from years of people telling them they are great at taking poops and wiping their butts. Don't take it personally and don't blame anyone.
But the good news is, YOU finally realize that something is not right. Most people just push on and grind through their life without even knowing they didn't get to make a choice. You have a choice, don't waste this opportunity!
Thing is that it doesn't seem like I have a choice, its either college or nothing.
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I have 3 degrees and I still have no idea what I want to do. Among people I know this is quite common. If your not putting anything into class right now, you are probably not getting as much out of it as you should. I don't know what your personal situation is, but if your not into college right now it may be best to take a break from school. Those credits you already have aren't going anywhere and you can come back and finish it up later if you want to.
I personally feel college is NOT the end all be all of education. Trade school is a valid way to go. The old saying "the world needs ditch diggers" is true, and most of the time if you are good at a trade the people who need your services will pay handsomely for your skills.
Aside from that consideration the best thing I would say to do is take a break and travel if you can. You'll learn a lot about yourself and how other people live. It may spark a fire in you that you didn't know about, it might not. But travel is definitely a great thing to do to gain perspective on your life, and have some experiences you'll remember. Traveling is definitely an educational experience, it's just not an academic education.
The easiest way to get into that downward spiral is to think or be told you have no choice. You always have a choice. Some are easy, some way harder.
I betcha if you sit down, clear your head, and just brainstorm some of the wildest, scariest ideas you can come up with, you will see you have choices. My friend was in the same situation. He lived up here in freezing cold Canada. Crappy job in a field he didn't choose, and he kept dreaming about California (hey when it's -30 deg celcius! you think alot about warmer climates!). Finally year after year of talking about it, he just up and sold everything, and hitchiked down there.
He's broke (so he says, but he's a smart guy) but happy and warm.
You're lucky, you're not married, you don't have kids, you're not 'tied' down. Really, open the door, and you can see options all over the place if you want to look.
Good luck man, hopefully you're in a warm spot already!
I might recommend talking to a counselor or therapist. One should be available through your school's health center. "Feeling nothing" is actually a sign of depression.
I second this. I've had the exact same feelings you have right now. It's been about two years since then and I'm currently in grad school, but I never quite recovered. Attend to these feelings. I highly recommend seeking the help of a confidant, like a counselor or a therapist to understand and work through these feelings you have. Don't be a fool like I have and just "roll with the punches." Those emotions will eat you from the inside out if you do nothing. Do yourself a favor and talk with someone about them.
Not knowing what you want to do and feeling nothing is no more complicated than what is stated, he/she feels nothing towards school and that isn't something that needs therapy for. Now if the OP is hurting himself in other ways then there is definitely a need for some help. Feeling nothing isn't depression, it is pure neutral thoughts.
A feeling of emptiness is indeed one symptom of depression. But there is more to it, so the OP would be well served to have a conversation with a therapist.
People already gave a lot of good angles here so I will try to give a different one.
In way too many cases, people feel lost because they don't have the means to change the environment around themselves. In your case, you want to find some activity to invest time an become a professional but the spectrum of activities you know don't fit the bill and you don't have the means to change that.
But some times the answer is changing ourselves. Sometime in our childhood someone surely said we have the right to be what we want to be... and that's correct. We can be what we want but that choice is not free of consequences. Sometimes we feel entitled to be something that makes us miserably and blame external factors for the misery.
Take a second to think about if the answer is changing yourself. If you believe it is, go for it. You're not doing any injustice to yourself by adapting to a world that is much more and larger then you.
It's what I say to myself all the time... The only way out is the way up.
I might recommend talking to a counselor or therapist. One should be available through your school's health center. "Feeling nothing" is actually a sign of depression.
And I agree with that recommendation. There's nothing alarming or out of the ordinary about seeing a therapist, and it might be worth doing depending on to what extent the OP is dealing with depression in his life, which we can't judge because we don't know him and haven't interacted with him outside of an internet forum.
WhenI had that problem in undergrad, I took a break from school for a year - either find work you like, or do something interesting. It gave me time to relax, cool down, and get some perspective on where I want to go. In fact, the job I had during my break is what led me to my current career path, and its been a TON of fun.
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The problem with traveling is that I can't. I do not have the ability to really go anywhere beyond my home. Whats so frustrating is that if college doesn't work out that its all over.
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Traveling is not all it's cracked up to be. (I've done it. This isn't some sort of "sour grapes" talking.)
College is actually not all it's cracked up to be, either. (I've done that, too, and went on for a Master's. But I knew exactly what I was doing at the time, knew what I would get out of it and why it would be worth to me the time and money invested.)
The difficulty with traveling is -- you are still there. Wherever you go, there you are. Unless and until you come to sort of grips with your life and your self, then changing your external circumstances will do no more than provide a temporary distraction.
College used to be for "higher education", that is, for those whose interest in and talent for higher level academics could not be satisfied with anything less than further study. Now it has simply become a thing you need to do to get a job interview.
If you can find a job without college, I recommend trying it. If you don't really like your job ... so what? It's work. That is why you get paid to do it: it's not something you would do otherwise. And at least you won't have student loans to deal with if you get out in time.
It just makes me wonder; "what to do"? I don't know the answer or even how to go about finding one. I just wish there was a way to find it out. I just need help. Please advise.
Being good at something doesn't necessarily mean being preternaturally talented at it or grinding long hours of misery... sometimes it involves immersing yourself in something you love and getting to know it like the back of your hand. Maybe it'll end up a potential job, or maybe it'll just be a hobby you support. Either way, it keeps you moving forward, even if that something is just a game like Magic.
Maybe putting some distance between yourself and campus life would do some good as well. Getting away from that constant grind gives you some perspective and ease of mind, trust me.
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I really like the advice on doing some charity work though. Maybe try to help out a soup kitchen for starters. It is really a nice thing to do.
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What you might need is a break to go do something different. I felt a great deal of dissatisfaction my junior year, and what really helped was when I did a study abroad trip. It was a profound learning experience. Taught me more about who I am and what I want, taught me even more about who I'm not and what I don't want, and opened my eyes to how much I took for granted and was lucky to have. You could also take a semester off to sort of evaluate who you are.
Moreover, a counselor might help as others have suggested. I would definitely suggest meeting with an academic adviser, because if you're not going to class because you genuinely want to, it could mean you're not studying something you're actually passionate about.
As it relates to college specifically, I ran into a similar dead end with my studies and dropped out. My life didn't immediately end, but I also didn't immediately know what I wanted to do, either. I might also say that being out of school without a degree, with student loans, and without the structure of college was not necessarily an amazing experience. But it was probably better than continuing to fail at being a student in a field I didn't enjoy.
Things did work out for me - I eventually found a field I did enjoy, finished college with a different degree, and have stuck with that career. It can happen.
I can't agree with this. Sure talking to a counselor to see if they can help with college is a decent idea, but needing to see a therapist seems a little much. I was in the same situation as the OP. Not knowing what you want to do and feeling nothing is no more complicated than what is stated, he/she feels nothing towards school and that isn't something that needs therapy for. Now if the OP is hurting himself in other ways then there is definitely a need for some help. Feeling nothing isn't depression, it is pure neutral thoughts. I should know, I feel the same.
OP, I did the same thing as you. It took me 6 years to get an associates degree, through a combination of lack of money, life, and my own stuff. Every time I started school anew I would get perfect grades and everything was fine, but it faded quickly as I had no idea what I wanted to do and school just seemed like something I just did to please others and to reach my dream, but the things I thought I could do, or wanted to do, was something I knew I wasn't good enough at and had no talent for so I didn't want to spend my time going to school only to end up in some cubicle (although I am sure I am going to end up going there anyways). School itself caused me more problems than helped and every day going there just made things worse for me, and my home life wasn't getting easier at the time either. I have 40k in loans and don't really have anything to show for it. Hell, I didn't even pick up my diploma because I couldn't care about it.
Ultimately OP I would think real hard on what you enjoy and see if maybe there are ways to work a career into that. School counselors have some tests and stuff that may help you find what you are suited for and could give you ideas or, at the very least, give you something to think about which may help you solve some of the things that weigh on your mind.
Our system is backwards, how can you expect a 17 year old to know what he/she will do for the rest of their lives at such young age with no world view, no world experience.
To put it bluntly, 17-18 year olds are mostly babies, they're spoon fed, sheltered at home, they have basically no real skills and worse they have swelled heads from years of people telling them they are great at taking poops and wiping their butts. Don't take it personally and don't blame anyone.
But the good news is, YOU finally realize that something is not right. Most people just push on and grind through their life without even knowing they didn't get to make a choice. You have a choice, don't waste this opportunity!
A feeling of emptiness is indeed one symptom of depression. But there is more to it, so the OP would be well served to have a conversation with a therapist.
http://www.psnpaloalto.com/wp/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/Depression-Diagnostic-Criteria-and-Severity-Rating.pdf
Your comments on declining motivation resonated - I certainly felt that during my extended college experience.
I might add that I rather enjoy my career, even though it does include a cubicle.
@SaintA - I agree it would be ideal to have perfect knowledge before high school, even.
However, I have found that what I enjoy doing has changed over time. And that as my career has progressed that I can do more of what I enjoy and less of what I don't. I have also hired a fair number of folks from other fields who have been successful in my field. So I have come to believe that there isn't a single perfect degree for anyone - that it is possible to have an enjoyable career with a variety of different starting points.
I do agree that it is a great opportunuty to be thoughtful about the future!
Thing is that it doesn't seem like I have a choice, its either college or nothing.
I personally feel college is NOT the end all be all of education. Trade school is a valid way to go. The old saying "the world needs ditch diggers" is true, and most of the time if you are good at a trade the people who need your services will pay handsomely for your skills.
Aside from that consideration the best thing I would say to do is take a break and travel if you can. You'll learn a lot about yourself and how other people live. It may spark a fire in you that you didn't know about, it might not. But travel is definitely a great thing to do to gain perspective on your life, and have some experiences you'll remember. Traveling is definitely an educational experience, it's just not an academic education.
I betcha if you sit down, clear your head, and just brainstorm some of the wildest, scariest ideas you can come up with, you will see you have choices. My friend was in the same situation. He lived up here in freezing cold Canada. Crappy job in a field he didn't choose, and he kept dreaming about California (hey when it's -30 deg celcius! you think alot about warmer climates!). Finally year after year of talking about it, he just up and sold everything, and hitchiked down there.
He's broke (so he says, but he's a smart guy) but happy and warm.
You're lucky, you're not married, you don't have kids, you're not 'tied' down. Really, open the door, and you can see options all over the place if you want to look.
Good luck man, hopefully you're in a warm spot already!
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I second this. I've had the exact same feelings you have right now. It's been about two years since then and I'm currently in grad school, but I never quite recovered. Attend to these feelings. I highly recommend seeking the help of a confidant, like a counselor or a therapist to understand and work through these feelings you have. Don't be a fool like I have and just "roll with the punches." Those emotions will eat you from the inside out if you do nothing. Do yourself a favor and talk with someone about them.
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Personally, I have easily come to grips with feeling like that, and it has been much easier than than the alternative.
In way too many cases, people feel lost because they don't have the means to change the environment around themselves. In your case, you want to find some activity to invest time an become a professional but the spectrum of activities you know don't fit the bill and you don't have the means to change that.
But some times the answer is changing ourselves. Sometime in our childhood someone surely said we have the right to be what we want to be... and that's correct. We can be what we want but that choice is not free of consequences. Sometimes we feel entitled to be something that makes us miserably and blame external factors for the misery.
Take a second to think about if the answer is changing yourself. If you believe it is, go for it. You're not doing any injustice to yourself by adapting to a world that is much more and larger then you.
It's what I say to myself all the time... The only way out is the way up.
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And I agree with that recommendation. There's nothing alarming or out of the ordinary about seeing a therapist, and it might be worth doing depending on to what extent the OP is dealing with depression in his life, which we can't judge because we don't know him and haven't interacted with him outside of an internet forum.
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College is actually not all it's cracked up to be, either. (I've done that, too, and went on for a Master's. But I knew exactly what I was doing at the time, knew what I would get out of it and why it would be worth to me the time and money invested.)
The difficulty with traveling is -- you are still there. Wherever you go, there you are. Unless and until you come to sort of grips with your life and your self, then changing your external circumstances will do no more than provide a temporary distraction.
College used to be for "higher education", that is, for those whose interest in and talent for higher level academics could not be satisfied with anything less than further study. Now it has simply become a thing you need to do to get a job interview.
If you can find a job without college, I recommend trying it. If you don't really like your job ... so what? It's work. That is why you get paid to do it: it's not something you would do otherwise. And at least you won't have student loans to deal with if you get out in time.
Because you essentially have no options left to support yourself comfortably.