I currently am not in a romantic relationship, but I wish to be, since several of my friends are, and I find myself being envious of them. I certainly understand that such relationships take time to develop, but I hope to have such a relationship while I still am young (I currently am twenty-six years of age at the time of this post) and not wait until I am older.
I have some female friends, but none of them are suitable as romantic partners (so they are strictly platonic), so I am contemplating using online dating services to find a potential partner, and I wish to ask for advice about which services are the best. For those users here who have used online dating services, which seem to be the easiest and most intuitive to use? Which seem to have the greatest success in finding partners for their members? Which sites have the most options for allowing their members to use certain criteria to find matches? However, I also am wary of joining such a service, since doing so requires one to have their face and real name visible to the entire internet, and I value my privacy and anonymity online very greatly, so which services make it easy to close one's account if one does not wish to keep it active?
What advice can anyone here offer? I shall appreciate any feedback.
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“Those who would trade their freedoms for security will have neither.”-Benjamin Franklin
“When the people fear the government, there is tyranny; when the government fears the people, there is liberty.”-Thomas Jefferson
“A vote is like a rifle; its usefulness depends upon the character of its user.”-Theodore Roosevelt
“Patriotism means to stand by one's country; it does not mean to stand by one's president.”-Theodore Roosevelt
I think you're over-thinking the online dating thing. Most services have pros and cons. The one I hear about the most is OKCupid, I think that's the one where a couple of my friends found their current girlfriends (meeting people after college is tough). But most of the online dating sites out there tend to be fairly decent.
What do you mean by your female friends being unsuitable as romantic partners? What are you looking for? If you want to check search boxes marked 'Hot Girl' and 'Level 80 Sorc', I think you're going to be disappointed. When I met my wife, she wasn't particularly nerdy (except for some Diablo II obsession one summer, but I didn't find out about that for a year or two). In fact, she wasn't anything resembling what I thought I wanted or I would end up with. We play co-op platformers together and some Diablo III when we have a free night, but that is about as far as the nerdy goes. And I'm actually happy about it - having time away from your SO with your own interests is a good thing, and she tends to be a heatsink for my OCD-levels of nerd.
The common problem I see with nerdy guys on online dating is that they're trying to find something that only exists in their head, like they want a female version of themselves or an idealized nerd girl. You should be looking for someone who complements your personality, not someone who shares every one your interests. This may or may not apply to you, I don't know without more information.
What do you mean by your female friends being unsuitable as romantic partners? What are you looking for? If you want to check search boxes marked 'Hot Girl' and 'Level 80 Sorc', I think you're going to be disappointed. When I met my wife, she wasn't particularly nerdy (except for some Diablo II obsession one summer, but I didn't find out about that for a year or two). In fact, she wasn't anything resembling what I thought I wanted or I would end up with. We play co-op platformers together and some Diablo III when we have a free night, but that is about as far as the nerdy goes. And I'm actually happy about it - having time away from your SO with your own interests is a good thing, and she tends to be a heatsink for my OCD-levels of nerd.
First, I certainly do not seek a woman who is "drop-dead gorgeous," since I understand that very few women actually can be described as such; as long as a woman is reasonably attractive (i.e., not overweight, symmetrical face and body, and has good hygiene and fashion sense), she shall be acceptable, to me.
Second, I met a woman at my church who seemed to have much in common with me; she shared my taste in movies and music, she was fond of hiking, as I am, and she seemed to have similar social and political beliefs to what I have. We had some differences: I am pursuing a career in technical support, while she is pursuing a career as an automobile mechanic/technician, which allowed for a greater variety of conversational topics. However, she is still in college, while I have finished with college, and she already has a boyfriend, whom she met at her school, so she obviously interacts with him far more often than she interacts with me. When I learned that she had a boyfriend, I ceased speaking to her, and I have not seen her at my church's services or events, recently. For me, that was very displeasing, since I was very fond of that woman, but I forced myself to accept the fact that she already has a partner, one who is likely a better match for her than I am.
The common problem I see with nerdy guys on online dating is that they're trying to find something that only exists in their head, like they want a female version of themselves or an idealized nerd girl. You should be looking for someone who complements your personality, not someone who shares every one your interests. This may or may not apply to you, I don't know without more information.
I know that it is very unlikely that I shall find a woman who is exactly identical to myself, but I do seek one who shares many of my interests. For example, I am fond of not only Magic: the Gathering, but also games such as Dungeons & Dragons, Scrabble, Monopoly, Uno, Fluxx, Apples to Apples, and Taboo (i.e., games that challenge one's intellectual abilities). For physical hobbies, I am fond of hiking, mountain climbing, and swimming. For artistic hobbies, I like to engage in woodworking, piano playing, and writing short stories and poetry. I am fond of classical and rock music, and I am fond of action and comedy movies (such as the Star Wars,Indiana Jones,Ghostbusters, and Home Alone series).
In terms of social and political beliefs, I tend to be somewhat conservative in favoring private ownership of firearms and strong stances against illegal immigration, but I tend to be more liberal on such subjects as abortion, homosexual marriage, alternative energy sources, and education.
Finally, I hope that it it not narrow-minded or offensive to say so, but I would prefer a woman who is white/Caucasian, like me, as a romantic partner (I certainly have no dislike of other ethnic groups, and consider myself to be very egalitarian, but I have very high/strict standards regarding potential romantic partners).
Does that provide sufficient information about myself?
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“Those who would trade their freedoms for security will have neither.”-Benjamin Franklin
“When the people fear the government, there is tyranny; when the government fears the people, there is liberty.”-Thomas Jefferson
“A vote is like a rifle; its usefulness depends upon the character of its user.”-Theodore Roosevelt
“Patriotism means to stand by one's country; it does not mean to stand by one's president.”-Theodore Roosevelt
I don't think you'll have problems, just manage your expectations. Online Dating isn't like offline dating, and the social queues are different. Good Luck!
Does that provide sufficient information about myself?
Not trying to be mean here but you might want to work a little on the way you "speak". The phrase I quoted above kinda makes you sound like Sheldon from big Bang Theory. More like the socially awkward robotic nerd than the quirky fun nerd(Leonard).
You want to sound a little more casual and a little less grammar nazi/robot. Instead of listing 10 games that you like... just say that you enjoy playing strategy and puzzle games.
Then again it depends on what you want to find I suppose...
Not trying to be mean here but you might want to work a little on the way you "speak". The phrase I quoted above kinda makes you sound like Sheldon from big Bang Theory. More like the socially awkward robotic nerd than the quirky fun nerd(Leonard).
You want to sound a little more casual and a little less grammar nazi/robot. Instead of listing 10 games that you like... just say that you enjoy playing strategy and puzzle games.
Then again it depends on what you want to find I suppose...
This x100
Also, you have to lower your standards a bit. Wanting someone that is not overweight, good hygiene, and your own ethnicity are one thing. But; wanting a symmetrical body/face and good fashion sense (in your opinion) might be asking for too much.
I've had some success with online dating. All you have to do is make yourself likeable. Show pictures of yourself smiling and having fun. Don't come across like a serial killer...
Personally; I think a fedora would go a long way. They look really cool and have a lot of class. It shows that you are a rational thinker as well, which you most definitely appear to be.
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Dear kbx41,
You have received a warning at MTG Salvation Forums.
Reason:
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Flaming or Other Forms of Misbehavior
Saying that you sometimes wish people (in this case the implication is the staff) would fall down a well and get AIDS is hardly appropriate for the forum.
I would recommend staying friends with women who have boyfriends, not in the hopes that they will breakup and you can swoop in (because that's is just creepy and dishonest), but because if they invite you to parties or events you may meet some of their single girlfriends. Expanding your social circle only increases your chances of meeting more potential romantic partners.
I have attempted to remain in contact with this woman of whom I have spoken for the reason that you mentioned, but, as I said, she no longer attends services at my church, and the last time that I attempted to communicate with her, by text message, she did not respond, so it seems to me that the best thing to do is forget about her and not attempt to contact her, again, for fearing of appearing overbearing/stalking.
Not trying to be mean here but you might want to work a little on the way you "speak". The phrase I quoted above kinda makes you sound like Sheldon from big Bang Theory. More like the socially awkward robotic nerd than the quirky fun nerd(Leonard).
You want to sound a little more casual and a little less grammar nazi/robot. Instead of listing 10 games that you like... just say that you enjoy playing strategy and puzzle games.
Then again it depends on what you want to find I suppose...
You are not the first person to tell me that my manner of speech is unusual (and I also doubt that you shall be the last person to do so, either), but that simply is how I speak. In person, my speech is more varied and natural, since verbal communication carries tone and inflection, which cannot be conveyed through posting in an online forum. And your reference to The Big Bang Theory is an appropriate one, since Sheldon is my favorite character from that series, because I find that he and I are very similar (although I believe that I am not as extreme as he is). Hopefully, my manner of speech shall not repel any potential romantic partner, because I seek a romantic partner who shall accept me as I am, and not attempt to make me alter my behavior to suit themselves.
It will repel most people and "accept me as I am" is an excuse a lot of young guys use. That's fine though... seriously it is. I did online dating 10 years ago with eHarmony and it was great. In 3 months they said I was a good match for about 300 women in the Denver area. I made contact with every single one regardless of their profile. Most had no interest, but when you get rejected 2-3 times PER DAY you see that the game isn't about finding "the one" so much as "finding the one while getting your dating skills honed." Of those 300, I went out with about 20 of them. Of those 5 were completely terrible, 10 were okay, and 5 were awesome. Of those 5 I married one and 10 years later we are still together and happy.
My point? I sucked at dating when I started and if I took the "Accept me as I am" approach I wouldn't have adapted as a person. I wouldn't have had much fun either - getting to know people by the end of the ordeal became fun and completely low expectation. I could relax and pull my head out of my ass. I tried out things that felt totally wrong: A first date at Casa Bonita (look it up), a bar famous for serving bull testicles, and one with her mom along with us. Some were terrible, but who cares? What do you have to lose?
So, you may have this picture in your head of what you want but really I think you want to try to shotgun approach and roll with it. It's a lot more fun, you'll probably learn something about yourself, and you might find someone better than you thought you wanted. Find a site that you think looks good (don't over think it) and just pursue every single person they send your way. Be honest with them and yourself and get ready to get the ever loving crap rejected out of you.
You are not the first person to tell me that my manner of speech is unusual (and I also doubt that you shall be the last person to do so, either), but that simply is how I speak. In person, my speech is more varied and natural, since verbal communication carries tone and inflection, which cannot be conveyed through posting in an online forum. And your reference to The Big Bang Theory is an appropriate one, since Sheldon is my favorite character from that series, because I find that he and I are very similar (although I believe that I am not as extreme as he is). Hopefully, my manner of speech shall not repel any potential romantic partner, because I seek a romantic partner who shall accept me as I am, and not attempt to make me alter my behavior to suit themselves.
I don't find your way of typing unusual, but rather incredibly wooden and poorly worded.
For example, "Hopefully, my manner of speech shall not repel any potential romantic partner"? Why use "shall" here? People generally use "shall" to emphasize forcefulness or a near-guarantee. It's not really appropriate in the sentence you wrote here.
You keep using shall in places that technically fits, but isn't appropriate given the tone of the sentence and overall paragraph as a whole.
It feels like an essay written by a 9th grader who wants to sound educated and so uses a thesaurus to substitute words in. He neglects the fact that words generally have a point and purpose, and so using "fancy" (but they're really not fancy because there is a place for most words and people generally don't use them because that isn't the place for them) words actually detracts from or distorts the point he wants to get across.
You want to sound a little more casual and a little less grammar nazi/robot. Instead of listing 10 games that you like... just say that you enjoy playing strategy and puzzle games.
A true grammar robot would rarely if ever use the passive tense =)
In person, my speech is more varied and natural, since verbal communication carries tone and inflection, which cannot be conveyed through posting in an online forum.
Hopefully, my manner of speech shall not repel any potential romantic partner, because I seek a romantic partner who shall accept me as I am, and not attempt to make me alter my behavior to suit themselves.
Taking these two sentences together, you should try to make your written speech sound more like your spoken speech. Remember these women will be deciding whether or not to go on a date with you based on your written speech. After that whether or not she likes your more natural written speech doesnt really matter. Most couples that get to see each other frequently dont "talk" through writing more than texting where they are or generic questions. After getting married my IM and Texting usage dropped to almost nothing.
On a dating site you want to provide the best first impression possible to get that first date. Let the first date be the real filter.
I hate to admit that I'm an OKcupid veteran. The biggest problem on there is the high ratio of undatable men to datable men. Add to that the high ratio of men to women and you can see why online dating is a "woman's market." I remember when I was making my profile - the moment I put up 2 pictures (obviously the most flattering), my inbox received at least 20 messages. I would get more than 100 per day. I initially tried to reply to them all, but this took way too much time. So I decided to pick only the nerdy ones (duh .. I'm on a magic website). I went out with a few of them. Each had something awkward about them - but they all shared the problem that they couldn't communicate very well. They just didn't project an aura of maturity when they communicated. One mentioned how much he liked a female superhero multiple times during lunch (the female version of Captain America.. I forgot her name) - to the point where I'm wondering if he's got the hots for her.
Oh yeah and only half of them were actually employed. The other half lied - "I was working at company X when I made the profile." Don't lie on your profile. Serious dating is serious. The point is that Okcupid is not a good place (in my opinion) to meet datable people.
What others have said about your speech - at least your online speech - is appropriate. It sounds stiff and robotic. This sentence along made me cringe a little - "Hopefully, my manner of speech shall not repel any potential romantic partner, because I seek a romantic partner who shall accept me as I am, and not attempt to make me alter my behavior to suit themselves." Soften it up a bit. Make it more natural sounding. As sexy as Benedict Comberbatch's Sherlock sounds on TV, I'd be scared to talk to someone like that in real life.
Anyway, as for approaching girls - real life is where it's at. If you go to school or take any classes, those are great places to find girls. Study with them. Random lunches or dinners are perfect opportunities to get to know them and see if they're interested. Then when a test is over, ask if she's interested in doing something over the weekend.
Take advantage of your female friends. Ask them to introduce you to their friends with similar interests. But please note that your female friend will only help you if she thinks you're datable. Part of becoming datable includes lowering your standards.
Lower your qualifications. Over time, I've lowered mine to the following:
-college graduate
-employed
-ambitious (getting raises, etc..)
-nerdy things (cards, games, etcc..)
-Psychologically stable - this has become the top priority; I think people put more stock in this as they grow older.
And that's all. No Brad Pitt features necessary.
Anyway, some helpful hints for when you're talking to the girl while on a date (this may be biased due to my line of work):
-ask her questions about herself. Everyone enjoys talking about him/her self, so take advantage of that psychology. Be genuinely interested. If she says "I loved Mercadian Masques." You should say something like, "eww that set was not memorable at all. Why do you like it?" Don't say "eww that set was not memorable at all. Know what set is? Urza's block. It had X, Y, Z and combos A, B, C. I loved decks M, N, O, P. ...." Congrats, you've just hijacked the conversation and ruined the rapport. I'll admit that even I'm guilty of doing this at time (I think everyone is), but those who can avoid it consistently are automatically branded as datable in my book.
-pick things about yourself that a potential mate will find desirable. Talking about your job and career ambitions is always a good way. And ask her about hers. Unfortunately, this may involve keeping the nerdy things hidden until you're established a good rapport with the girl (unless the girl brings it up first).
-give impressions, not complete stories - it makes you sound confident. Ie. "I've been to Africa." If the girl wants to know more, she'll ask. When she asks, you'll be the one in control. And you'll seem awesome. Even when you're asked to elaborate, give information in chunks that will entice the girl to want to know more. "I went on a saffari. Saw some animals that I've only seen in zoos." See how it works?
You are not the first person to tell me that my manner of speech is unusual (and I also doubt that you shall be the last person to do so, either), but that simply is how I speak. In person, my speech is more varied and natural, since verbal communication carries tone and inflection, which cannot be conveyed through posting in an online forum. And your reference to The Big Bang Theory is an appropriate one, since Sheldon is my favorite character from that series, because I find that he and I are very similar (although I believe that I am not as extreme as he is). Hopefully, my manner of speech shall not repel any potential romantic partner, because I seek a romantic partner who shall accept me as I am, and not attempt to make me alter my behavior to suit themselves.
Please understand that the following comment is not meant to be an insult. I'm sincerely trying to be helpful.
You may not be ready for "dating advice." What you might need first is advice on social skills.
To use a metaphor: People here are essentially assuming you know how to play magic, and giving you advice on how to pilot a specific deck. But you might need to learn how to play the game first.
I say this because of your stilted way of speaking and your self-comparison to Sheldon. The point of Sheldon's character is that he doesn't understand social cues, and he has a hard time relating to other people. The way you talk about dating and the way you construct your sentences suggests you haven't really learned how to do this either.
If you're not confident in your social skills, I would suggest you try to get involved in some activities that get you out and interacting with strangers. Church is a good start, maybe some volunteering, or join a local organization that matches up with your interests. The point of these outings is not to meet women, it's to practice your social skills. Practice striking up normal conversations with people. Watch other people and see how they relate to one another. Learn how to express the appropriate amount of familiarity based on how well you know someone.
I am currently on POF/OKC/Tinder right now. It can be really good. If you want some more in depth help feel free to pm me and i can send you some of the openers i use. The best thing to do is to stand out. Dont send messages like "hey/Whats up?" etc. You want to make them want to respond to you.
When it comes to romance, everyone ends up compromising. If you're amazingly wealthy or a paragon of virtue you may do so to a lesser extent but it will still happen.
Don't feel bad about wanting to be with someone who is like you. America is extremely homogamous(to prefer marriage to someone who is culturally similar to you) and endogamous(to prefer marriage within your specific ethnic group) and so its normal to feel how you do. 95% of Americans marry within their ethnic group and the numbers are just as high for religion, political stance, age group, and several other factors.
What tends to be a deal breaker is what sub-cultures potential dates are involved in. Magic the Gathering is a good example of something that might turn a woman off. I know you expect potential dates to accept you for who you are but I would wait to give out any real information about yourself until the 3rd date. By then you will both be more comfortable and genuinely interested in knowing more about each other. Telling someone all about yourself on the first date is like starting a book on the last page.
Ask your female friends for dating advice and maybe see if they can hook you up with someone. Unless you live in a small town you probably don't know everyone they do. It's heavily implied by popular culture that only women can friend zone people but that's so not true and I'm pleased to see a guy firm in his resolve not to date someone he doesn't want to merely because of proximity.
I have also used OKcupid. Post college dating, heck even meeting people when working a full time job can be rather difficult. That said, prepare for a lot of people to just flat out ignore you. I messaged 2-3 people a day, and maybe only a small handfull replied back. Of that handful, only 2-3 kept up any kind of conversation
With that said, I am currently dating someone I met off of okcupid. As many people have stated, messages are key. My girlfriend showed me some of the messages she got daily. The typical messages ranged from "Hey" to "Do you want to meet up casual sex?" Alright so that last one turned out to be more or less "Your hot, wanna...." Well you know. Ok is a good site, but it literally falls on the females to make the ultimate decision. I never had recieved a message from someone I didn't contact first.
As for the type of person you look for. Honestly, if they share some of the same interests, try and message them. My girlfriend is a bit girlier than I thought I could ever tolerate. She's a bit geeky, but I don't know if I'll ever get her to play magic or even a board game. But it's nice to know we have things we can share and things we can do apart with out friends.
Now, I would also be a bit put off by your speech. While it's something that works for a forum, or just that's how you try to stay professional; you will scare off a good number of people.
My best advice: have someone you trust look over your profile if you ever get to creating one. It will help. I had multiple people make sure things looked nice on mine. And message everyone you seem like you could be interested in. I didn't expect things to work out for me, but I'm so happy they did.
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I used PoF for a long time. I met a few interesting people on there, but it really depends on your approach. As a guy, if you log in to any online dating site expecting to find what you're looking for right away you will be disappointed. Hell, if you expect anything at all, you will probably be disappointed, but the key is to keep trying. As the above poster said, get help making your profile, make SURE you are using good pictures (more than one), and if you see anyone that meets the base of your criteria, message them. If you send out 3-4 messages per day to new women, you may get a couple responses back in the week. Be patient. I also got pretty lucky and found someone with a lot of similar interests. We've been going out for a little over a month now and she's taken an active interest in learning to play MTG which has been pretty cool. There are good ones out there, just keep trying.
My best advice: have someone you trust look over your profile if you ever get to creating one. It will help. I had multiple people make sure things looked nice on mine. And message everyone you seem like you could be interested in. I didn't expect things to work out for me, but I'm so happy they did.
This would be a very good idea.
ITT: Teaching a robot how to love
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Dear kbx41,
You have received a warning at MTG Salvation Forums.
Reason:
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Flaming or Other Forms of Misbehavior
Saying that you sometimes wish people (in this case the implication is the staff) would fall down a well and get AIDS is hardly appropriate for the forum.
I have some female friends, but none of them are suitable as romantic partners (so they are strictly platonic), so I am contemplating using online dating services to find a potential partner, and I wish to ask for advice about which services are the best. For those users here who have used online dating services, which seem to be the easiest and most intuitive to use? Which seem to have the greatest success in finding partners for their members? Which sites have the most options for allowing their members to use certain criteria to find matches? However, I also am wary of joining such a service, since doing so requires one to have their face and real name visible to the entire internet, and I value my privacy and anonymity online very greatly, so which services make it easy to close one's account if one does not wish to keep it active?
What advice can anyone here offer? I shall appreciate any feedback.
“When the people fear the government, there is tyranny; when the government fears the people, there is liberty.”-Thomas Jefferson
“A vote is like a rifle; its usefulness depends upon the character of its user.”-Theodore Roosevelt
“Patriotism means to stand by one's country; it does not mean to stand by one's president.”-Theodore Roosevelt
What do you mean by your female friends being unsuitable as romantic partners? What are you looking for? If you want to check search boxes marked 'Hot Girl' and 'Level 80 Sorc', I think you're going to be disappointed. When I met my wife, she wasn't particularly nerdy (except for some Diablo II obsession one summer, but I didn't find out about that for a year or two). In fact, she wasn't anything resembling what I thought I wanted or I would end up with. We play co-op platformers together and some Diablo III when we have a free night, but that is about as far as the nerdy goes. And I'm actually happy about it - having time away from your SO with your own interests is a good thing, and she tends to be a heatsink for my OCD-levels of nerd.
The common problem I see with nerdy guys on online dating is that they're trying to find something that only exists in their head, like they want a female version of themselves or an idealized nerd girl. You should be looking for someone who complements your personality, not someone who shares every one your interests. This may or may not apply to you, I don't know without more information.
TerribleBad at Magic since 1998.A Vorthos Guide to Magic Story | Twitter | Tumblr
[Primer] Krenko | Azor | Kess | Zacama | Kumena | Sram | The Ur-Dragon | Edgar Markov | Daretti | Marath
First, I certainly do not seek a woman who is "drop-dead gorgeous," since I understand that very few women actually can be described as such; as long as a woman is reasonably attractive (i.e., not overweight, symmetrical face and body, and has good hygiene and fashion sense), she shall be acceptable, to me.
Second, I met a woman at my church who seemed to have much in common with me; she shared my taste in movies and music, she was fond of hiking, as I am, and she seemed to have similar social and political beliefs to what I have. We had some differences: I am pursuing a career in technical support, while she is pursuing a career as an automobile mechanic/technician, which allowed for a greater variety of conversational topics. However, she is still in college, while I have finished with college, and she already has a boyfriend, whom she met at her school, so she obviously interacts with him far more often than she interacts with me. When I learned that she had a boyfriend, I ceased speaking to her, and I have not seen her at my church's services or events, recently. For me, that was very displeasing, since I was very fond of that woman, but I forced myself to accept the fact that she already has a partner, one who is likely a better match for her than I am.
I know that it is very unlikely that I shall find a woman who is exactly identical to myself, but I do seek one who shares many of my interests. For example, I am fond of not only Magic: the Gathering, but also games such as Dungeons & Dragons, Scrabble, Monopoly, Uno, Fluxx, Apples to Apples, and Taboo (i.e., games that challenge one's intellectual abilities). For physical hobbies, I am fond of hiking, mountain climbing, and swimming. For artistic hobbies, I like to engage in woodworking, piano playing, and writing short stories and poetry. I am fond of classical and rock music, and I am fond of action and comedy movies (such as the Star Wars, Indiana Jones, Ghostbusters, and Home Alone series).
In terms of social and political beliefs, I tend to be somewhat conservative in favoring private ownership of firearms and strong stances against illegal immigration, but I tend to be more liberal on such subjects as abortion, homosexual marriage, alternative energy sources, and education.
Finally, I hope that it it not narrow-minded or offensive to say so, but I would prefer a woman who is white/Caucasian, like me, as a romantic partner (I certainly have no dislike of other ethnic groups, and consider myself to be very egalitarian, but I have very high/strict standards regarding potential romantic partners).
Does that provide sufficient information about myself?
“When the people fear the government, there is tyranny; when the government fears the people, there is liberty.”-Thomas Jefferson
“A vote is like a rifle; its usefulness depends upon the character of its user.”-Theodore Roosevelt
“Patriotism means to stand by one's country; it does not mean to stand by one's president.”-Theodore Roosevelt
Here is some useful advice on the subject:
http://www.doctornerdlove.com/2013/04/secret-online-dating-success/
TerribleBad at Magic since 1998.A Vorthos Guide to Magic Story | Twitter | Tumblr
[Primer] Krenko | Azor | Kess | Zacama | Kumena | Sram | The Ur-Dragon | Edgar Markov | Daretti | Marath
Not trying to be mean here but you might want to work a little on the way you "speak". The phrase I quoted above kinda makes you sound like Sheldon from big Bang Theory. More like the socially awkward robotic nerd than the quirky fun nerd(Leonard).
You want to sound a little more casual and a little less grammar nazi/robot. Instead of listing 10 games that you like... just say that you enjoy playing strategy and puzzle games.
Then again it depends on what you want to find I suppose...
This x100
Also, you have to lower your standards a bit. Wanting someone that is not overweight, good hygiene, and your own ethnicity are one thing. But; wanting a symmetrical body/face and good fashion sense (in your opinion) might be asking for too much.
I've had some success with online dating. All you have to do is make yourself likeable. Show pictures of yourself smiling and having fun. Don't come across like a serial killer...
Personally; I think a fedora would go a long way. They look really cool and have a lot of class. It shows that you are a rational thinker as well, which you most definitely appear to be.
Dear kbx41,
You have received a warning at MTG Salvation Forums.
Reason:
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Flaming or Other Forms of Misbehavior
Saying that you sometimes wish people (in this case the implication is the staff) would fall down a well and get AIDS is hardly appropriate for the forum.
I have 28 different EDH decks
I have attempted to remain in contact with this woman of whom I have spoken for the reason that you mentioned, but, as I said, she no longer attends services at my church, and the last time that I attempted to communicate with her, by text message, she did not respond, so it seems to me that the best thing to do is forget about her and not attempt to contact her, again, for fearing of appearing overbearing/stalking.
You are not the first person to tell me that my manner of speech is unusual (and I also doubt that you shall be the last person to do so, either), but that simply is how I speak. In person, my speech is more varied and natural, since verbal communication carries tone and inflection, which cannot be conveyed through posting in an online forum. And your reference to The Big Bang Theory is an appropriate one, since Sheldon is my favorite character from that series, because I find that he and I are very similar (although I believe that I am not as extreme as he is). Hopefully, my manner of speech shall not repel any potential romantic partner, because I seek a romantic partner who shall accept me as I am, and not attempt to make me alter my behavior to suit themselves.
“When the people fear the government, there is tyranny; when the government fears the people, there is liberty.”-Thomas Jefferson
“A vote is like a rifle; its usefulness depends upon the character of its user.”-Theodore Roosevelt
“Patriotism means to stand by one's country; it does not mean to stand by one's president.”-Theodore Roosevelt
My point? I sucked at dating when I started and if I took the "Accept me as I am" approach I wouldn't have adapted as a person. I wouldn't have had much fun either - getting to know people by the end of the ordeal became fun and completely low expectation. I could relax and pull my head out of my ass. I tried out things that felt totally wrong: A first date at Casa Bonita (look it up), a bar famous for serving bull testicles, and one with her mom along with us. Some were terrible, but who cares? What do you have to lose?
So, you may have this picture in your head of what you want but really I think you want to try to shotgun approach and roll with it. It's a lot more fun, you'll probably learn something about yourself, and you might find someone better than you thought you wanted. Find a site that you think looks good (don't over think it) and just pursue every single person they send your way. Be honest with them and yourself and get ready to get the ever loving crap rejected out of you.
(eHarmony sends you a shirt and hat if you get married FYI)
WUBRGPauper Battle BoxWUBRG ... and why I am not a fan of Wayne Reynolds' Illustrations.
I don't find your way of typing unusual, but rather incredibly wooden and poorly worded.
For example, "Hopefully, my manner of speech shall not repel any potential romantic partner"? Why use "shall" here? People generally use "shall" to emphasize forcefulness or a near-guarantee. It's not really appropriate in the sentence you wrote here.
You keep using shall in places that technically fits, but isn't appropriate given the tone of the sentence and overall paragraph as a whole.
It feels like an essay written by a 9th grader who wants to sound educated and so uses a thesaurus to substitute words in. He neglects the fact that words generally have a point and purpose, and so using "fancy" (but they're really not fancy because there is a place for most words and people generally don't use them because that isn't the place for them) words actually detracts from or distorts the point he wants to get across.
A true grammar robot would rarely if ever use the passive tense =)
Taking these two sentences together, you should try to make your written speech sound more like your spoken speech. Remember these women will be deciding whether or not to go on a date with you based on your written speech. After that whether or not she likes your more natural written speech doesnt really matter. Most couples that get to see each other frequently dont "talk" through writing more than texting where they are or generic questions. After getting married my IM and Texting usage dropped to almost nothing.
On a dating site you want to provide the best first impression possible to get that first date. Let the first date be the real filter.
Oh yeah and only half of them were actually employed. The other half lied - "I was working at company X when I made the profile." Don't lie on your profile. Serious dating is serious. The point is that Okcupid is not a good place (in my opinion) to meet datable people.
What others have said about your speech - at least your online speech - is appropriate. It sounds stiff and robotic. This sentence along made me cringe a little - "Hopefully, my manner of speech shall not repel any potential romantic partner, because I seek a romantic partner who shall accept me as I am, and not attempt to make me alter my behavior to suit themselves." Soften it up a bit. Make it more natural sounding. As sexy as Benedict Comberbatch's Sherlock sounds on TV, I'd be scared to talk to someone like that in real life.
Anyway, as for approaching girls - real life is where it's at. If you go to school or take any classes, those are great places to find girls. Study with them. Random lunches or dinners are perfect opportunities to get to know them and see if they're interested. Then when a test is over, ask if she's interested in doing something over the weekend.
Take advantage of your female friends. Ask them to introduce you to their friends with similar interests. But please note that your female friend will only help you if she thinks you're datable. Part of becoming datable includes lowering your standards.
Lower your qualifications. Over time, I've lowered mine to the following:
-college graduate
-employed
-ambitious (getting raises, etc..)
-nerdy things (cards, games, etcc..)
-Psychologically stable - this has become the top priority; I think people put more stock in this as they grow older.
And that's all. No Brad Pitt features necessary.
Anyway, some helpful hints for when you're talking to the girl while on a date (this may be biased due to my line of work):
-ask her questions about herself. Everyone enjoys talking about him/her self, so take advantage of that psychology. Be genuinely interested. If she says "I loved Mercadian Masques." You should say something like, "eww that set was not memorable at all. Why do you like it?" Don't say "eww that set was not memorable at all. Know what set is? Urza's block. It had X, Y, Z and combos A, B, C. I loved decks M, N, O, P. ...." Congrats, you've just hijacked the conversation and ruined the rapport. I'll admit that even I'm guilty of doing this at time (I think everyone is), but those who can avoid it consistently are automatically branded as datable in my book.
-pick things about yourself that a potential mate will find desirable. Talking about your job and career ambitions is always a good way. And ask her about hers. Unfortunately, this may involve keeping the nerdy things hidden until you're established a good rapport with the girl (unless the girl brings it up first).
-give impressions, not complete stories - it makes you sound confident. Ie. "I've been to Africa." If the girl wants to know more, she'll ask. When she asks, you'll be the one in control. And you'll seem awesome. Even when you're asked to elaborate, give information in chunks that will entice the girl to want to know more. "I went on a saffari. Saw some animals that I've only seen in zoos." See how it works?
Hope this helps.
Please understand that the following comment is not meant to be an insult. I'm sincerely trying to be helpful.
You may not be ready for "dating advice." What you might need first is advice on social skills.
To use a metaphor: People here are essentially assuming you know how to play magic, and giving you advice on how to pilot a specific deck. But you might need to learn how to play the game first.
I say this because of your stilted way of speaking and your self-comparison to Sheldon. The point of Sheldon's character is that he doesn't understand social cues, and he has a hard time relating to other people. The way you talk about dating and the way you construct your sentences suggests you haven't really learned how to do this either.
If you're not confident in your social skills, I would suggest you try to get involved in some activities that get you out and interacting with strangers. Church is a good start, maybe some volunteering, or join a local organization that matches up with your interests. The point of these outings is not to meet women, it's to practice your social skills. Practice striking up normal conversations with people. Watch other people and see how they relate to one another. Learn how to express the appropriate amount of familiarity based on how well you know someone.
or in your phraseology, It would behoove you to augment your capacity to engage the common vernacular in your discourse.
Don't feel bad about wanting to be with someone who is like you. America is extremely homogamous(to prefer marriage to someone who is culturally similar to you) and endogamous(to prefer marriage within your specific ethnic group) and so its normal to feel how you do. 95% of Americans marry within their ethnic group and the numbers are just as high for religion, political stance, age group, and several other factors.
What tends to be a deal breaker is what sub-cultures potential dates are involved in. Magic the Gathering is a good example of something that might turn a woman off. I know you expect potential dates to accept you for who you are but I would wait to give out any real information about yourself until the 3rd date. By then you will both be more comfortable and genuinely interested in knowing more about each other. Telling someone all about yourself on the first date is like starting a book on the last page.
Ask your female friends for dating advice and maybe see if they can hook you up with someone. Unless you live in a small town you probably don't know everyone they do. It's heavily implied by popular culture that only women can friend zone people but that's so not true and I'm pleased to see a guy firm in his resolve not to date someone he doesn't want to merely because of proximity.
With that said, I am currently dating someone I met off of okcupid. As many people have stated, messages are key. My girlfriend showed me some of the messages she got daily. The typical messages ranged from "Hey" to "Do you want to meet up casual sex?" Alright so that last one turned out to be more or less "Your hot, wanna...." Well you know. Ok is a good site, but it literally falls on the females to make the ultimate decision. I never had recieved a message from someone I didn't contact first.
As for the type of person you look for. Honestly, if they share some of the same interests, try and message them. My girlfriend is a bit girlier than I thought I could ever tolerate. She's a bit geeky, but I don't know if I'll ever get her to play magic or even a board game. But it's nice to know we have things we can share and things we can do apart with out friends.
Now, I would also be a bit put off by your speech. While it's something that works for a forum, or just that's how you try to stay professional; you will scare off a good number of people.
My best advice: have someone you trust look over your profile if you ever get to creating one. It will help. I had multiple people make sure things looked nice on mine. And message everyone you seem like you could be interested in. I didn't expect things to work out for me, but I'm so happy they did.
USakashima the Imposter: CloneTheft.dec
UWIsperia, Supreme Judge: Attack Me I Dare You
GBWKarador, Ghost Chieftan: ETB Recursion
GBWGhave, Guru of Spores: Infinite Win
GMultaani, Maro-Sorcerer: Hug Beats
This would be a very good idea.
ITT: Teaching a robot how to love
Dear kbx41,
You have received a warning at MTG Salvation Forums.
Reason:
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Flaming or Other Forms of Misbehavior
Saying that you sometimes wish people (in this case the implication is the staff) would fall down a well and get AIDS is hardly appropriate for the forum.
I have 28 different EDH decks