So I know a couple of friends who seem to be durdling in life. They don't have serious work (not going to school either) but they make enough survival money to indulge on materialistic things and keep themselves happy. One of whom does nothing but play MTG, watch movies, and maybe other computer games. The other just buys things, plays computer games, and watches anime. No girlfriends, no wives, no kids. Their living housing is provided by family members. They both seem complacent. They've been doing this for years now. They are will into their 30's now. They have completely given up on anything adult like owning a house, marrying, etc. etc. I can't imagine they being 100% happy though as they see other friends advancing to the next chapter in their lives.
Keep in mind, I'm a friend, not a parent so I don't want to be badgering them. I also realize that people need to help themselves first before other people can help them (and they are not helping themselves). If they are happy, I'll just let them be. Being an adult comes with adult responsibilities. Who'd want that?!
Society frowns upon people like these. How do we get them to change? How will they see themselves 5 years from now? The rest of us work hard to earn a living and we don't have the same amount of time to "have fun" or "chill out". Can it be that we as productive members of society have it all wrong? Perhaps we should indulge in the little and materialistic things and keep us happy.
Anyone a durdler or know of one care to chime in? I'd like to get some insight on what they are thinking.
If everyone durdled in life, we'd have a degenerate society. I also realize that.
I'm going to violate my own rule of life and say, 'don't tell people how to live their lives' If your friends are happy and content, then, man, leave things well enough!
I have a wife, kids, home, shop etc and I love my free durdling time, I really envy people who don't give a flying foot about 'society' and norms and they get to do what they want, when they want.
Also, Karoshi! PS I don't want to troll, but very seriously asking, are you jealous somehow??
I'd like to get some insight on what they are thinking.
They have no ambition, and no reason to seek anything to better themselves. Because they already have everything that they want. Because they live with family members who provide housing and everything. Things become a helluva lot more difficult when you have to pay for your own housing.
Family member who houses them kicks them out. Then, in all likelihood, the person will develop a completely unjustified anger towards the world and become a homeless for the rest of his/her life.
Can it be that we as productive members of society have it all wrong? Perhaps we should indulge in the little and materialistic things and keep us happy.
No. Because most of us do not have family members who provide us housing.
Perhaps we should indulge in the little and materialistic things and keep us happy.
With every action we take, we can either contribute something to the world or we can take away from it. At the same time, that action will give us either positive feelings or negative feelings. The feelings that we have and the memories that we form are internal to ourselves, and cannot be projected to the outside world except through the actions we take. When we die, our feelings and memories cease to exist, as we lack the physical capability to project them into the world through our actions. The physical consequences of the actions we took while alive will persist for the duration of the existence of the universe.
Society frowns upon people like these. How do we get them to change? How will they see themselves 5 years from now? The rest of us work hard to earn a living and we don't have the same amount of time to "have fun" or "chill out". Can it be that we as productive members of society have it all wrong? Perhaps we should indulge in the little and materialistic things and keep us happy.
No. I was once a "durdler" in life and can tell you from experience that it's not fulfilling. Fun for a while, but let it go too long and you start to lose all self-respect. Peers are a big motivator. They don't even have to say anything directly, just having some good friends to be an example and picking up things from everyday conversations about the joys and challenges they face in their career, family, home ownership, etc. is huge.
If you're worried about your friends you should ask them what their plans are, where they see themselves in 5 yrs or 10 yrs. At least get them thinking about it. Do they want to be 47yrs old still living with their parents and just watching movies and playing games all the time? What about when their parents eventually retire? What about when their parents inevitably die? If they mention wanting to change something, encourage them. Chances are they've already thought about it but they don't know how to take the next step and are too afraid of looking stupid to ask for help.
I'm what you consider a "durdler". I'm 30 years old, still living with parents, no job, no wife, no kids. Am I happy? Sure, most of the time. But I also know I would be much happier if I had a job/wife. But then again, would I?
I know people who have a house, car, kids, job, wife and they are still unhappy. It's all relative. It's not that things and events makes us unhappy it's our reaction to those things.
I'm not defending this style of life, but as long as your durdler friends are good decent folk who are not breaking any law, I say: let them be. Live and let live man.
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Watch your words, for they become actions.
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Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.
Different people, aspire to be different things. Just because you feel these who durdle are not happy, does not mean they are not happy. Not everyone wishes to be rich and powerful in the business world. Not every person wants to be a company owner. Each person has their personal comfort zone.
My question is why do you feel others need to change to fit your idea of what life should be?
So I've got a couple 'durdler' friends, and we're just shy of 30.
Now, for everyone saying 'don't judge them', remember that these are 30 year-old-men who live at home and are chronically lacking in self-sufficiency. These aren't just bachelors or underachievers, he is referring to people who have chosen to not be self-sufficient by doing the bare minimum. We're talking about the 'failure to launch' types. That a serious problem to a friend's long term well being, and one a friend is right to be concerned about.
Honestly, if they're unmotivated and their family isn't pushing them, there isn't anything you can do. What you should be is supportive of any attempts they make to break out of the lifestyle. As others have said, it's not very fulfilling and they probably realize it.
For instance, I've got a friend who has been in community college getting a 2 year degree for the last 6 years. It's not that he can't go full time, he just doesn't want to, and in the mean time life is passing him by (although social anxiety is a large factor, but coddling parents is another - we did more good gently pushing him to further steps in life over two years than fifteen years of therapy). He's got a major crush on a coworker of mine who I've introduced to my friends because she's a big board game nerd, and I don't really have the heart to tell him she has zero interest in a guy like him without a 'real' job ('real' meaning a job that would make him self-sufficient).
You should keep in mind that they probably aren't 'durdling' (love the word) because they don't care, but because they're frightened or depressed. Or there is something keeping them back. I guarantee their family wants them to move on, however. If you want to talk to one of these friends, just talk to them about it. We're not talking about an intervention here, but a little friendly push from friends can do a great deal. If my friends and I had left the durdler I describe above alone, he still wouldn't be capable of going to a movie theater or restaurant on his own. So if you want to talk, talk:
"Hey, _______, how is work going?"
"It sucks/It's terrible/I hate retail"
"Have you considered looking for other jobs?"
"No/They all suck"
"I hear the community college has a great program in X. Why don't you check it out?"
"*Grunting Noise*"
"Anyway, Wrath of God, fools!"
Similar quick conversations can be used for people who went to school but got a worthless degree. Just remember to only give a small push or a suggestion, it's ultimately up to them if they want to change their lifestyle. More importantly, remember that looking down on them isn't helpful, you need to be a friend wanting their buddy to succeed, not a parent with a disappointing kid.
But that's about as far as you take it. Their lives are not your responsibility, and sooner or later they'll have a rude awakening, and they'll either try to do better or they'll start leeching off their friends as well as their family. If it's the former, make every effort to help. If it's the latter, you're better off without them long-term.
I'm what you consider a "durdler". I'm 30 years old, still living with parents, no job, no wife, no kids. Am I happy? Sure, most of the time. But I also know I would be much happier if I had a job/wife. But then again, would I?
I know people who have a house, car, kids, job, wife and they are still unhappy. It's all relative. It's not that things and events makes us unhappy it's our reaction to those things.
I'm not defending this style of life, but as long as your durdler friends are good decent folk who are not breaking any law, I say: let them be. Live and let live man.
What happens when your parents die and you cannot maintain your lifestyle?
It's not a matter of being happy. It's a matter of wtf happens when you no longer have the people supporting you around you?
You will die. That is the unflinching and incredibly harsh truth. If you have no education or learning that allows you to make a living that allows you to be independent then at best you'll be a parasite to society or you will just starve and die.
Neither are good.
Get the **** out of your parent's house and become independent.
If you're worried about your friends you should ask them what their plans are, where they see themselves in 5 yrs or 10 yrs. At least get them thinking about it. Do they want to be 47yrs old still living with their parents and just watching movies and playing games all the time? What about when their parents eventually retire? What about when their parents inevitably die? If they mention wanting to change something, encourage them. Chances are they've already thought about it but they don't know how to take the next step and are too afraid of looking stupid to ask for help.
I have asked where they see themselves in 5-10 years. They shrug their shoulders with an "I don't know" answer. How's that for failing to launch?
Thanks for the replies everyone. My friends are law abiding people. They are happy when we meet and talk so I'm not trying to impose my view of life on them. I let them be and we are still good friends. I just can't understand how someone can operate with zero ambitions.
What happens when your parents die and you cannot maintain your lifestyle?
It's not a matter of being happy. It's a matter of wtf happens when you no longer have the people supporting you around you?
You will die. That is the unflinching and incredibly harsh truth. If you have no education or learning that allows you to make a living that allows you to be independent then at best you'll be a parasite to society or you will just starve and die.
Neither are good.
Get the **** out of your parent's house and become independent.
I didn't become "durdler" because I wanted to.
I'm well aware that my parents will die one day and if I don't get a job by then, I'm screwed. However, I still have plenty of time to get a job, so I'm not panicking yet. That doesn't mean that I'm not ambitious and that I'm just sitting on my ass all day.
I'm constantly applying for jobs, but the economy is tough. It's hard to find a job, especially in your own profession (at least for me). I know plenty of people who are also unemployed. Some are even bigger durdlers than myself as they don't even try. Besides, even if you get a job, you can end up in the street very easily. What then? What if I get a job and lose it at the age of 50? Do I become a "durdler" once again?
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Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.
I didn't become "durdler" because I wanted to.
I'm well aware that my parents will die one day and if I don't get a job by then, I'm screwed. However, I still have plenty of time to get a job, so I'm not panicking yet. That doesn't mean that I'm not ambitious and that I'm just sitting on my ass all day.
I'm constantly applying for jobs, but the economy is tough. It's hard to find a job, especially in your own profession (at least for me). I know plenty of people who are also unemployed. Some are even bigger durdlers than myself as they don't even try. Besides, even if you get a job, you can end up in the street very easily. What then? What if I get a job and lose it at the age of 50? Do I become a "durdler" once again?
The way you are describing yourself does not match the 'durdler' criteria. You are actively trying to do better.
I have asked where they see themselves in 5-10 years. They shrug their shoulders with an "I don't know" answer. How's that for failing to launch?
Thanks for the replies everyone. My friends are law abiding people. They are happy when we meet and talk so I'm not trying to impose my view of life on them. I let them be and we are still good friends. I just can't understand how someone can operate with zero ambitions.
It's fairly easy, honestly. I don't really have much ambition and it hasn't impeded my life to any great degree. I live on my own, have a decent job, have friends and relationships and I even have a dream that I'm working toward. But I'm a smell the roses type and I'm in no rush to zip through life. I wouldn't have a much better answer for the 5-10 years from now question than "I don't know", and I'm not sure that's an altogether terrible thing. I have ideas of where I'd like to be, but I'm in no rush to get there.
I didn't become "durdler" because I wanted to.
I'm well aware that my parents will die one day and if I don't get a job by then, I'm screwed. However, I still have plenty of time to get a job, so I'm not panicking yet. That doesn't mean that I'm not ambitious and that I'm just sitting on my ass all day.
I'm constantly applying for jobs, but the economy is tough. It's hard to find a job, especially in your own profession (at least for me). I know plenty of people who are also unemployed. Some are even bigger durdlers than myself as they don't even try. Besides, even if you get a job, you can end up in the street very easily. What then? What if I get a job and lose it at the age of 50? Do I become a "durdler" once again?
You're not a "durdler" then.
Because, as Jay13x said, you're actively trying to improve your life.
Though I question the thing you wrote about happiness. Like I wrote, it's not necessarily about happiness, but rather responsibility and being independent/self-sufficient.
Have you considered a career change? After a long time of trying to do something that fits my choice of career from since college, I gave up and have moved onto something completely different.
I wouldn't consider people like Arminion and MTGS_User585 to be durdlers. They are trying to get something better for themselves.
The real durdlers are those who just do the least to survive. They are earning (with a minimalist job like washing dishes) just enough to buy their video games, build their MTG decks, eat, maybe a few bills, and that's it. Real durdlers don't apply for better jobs, or go to school. Real durdlers just don't try.
The economy is very rough, and it's very easy to confuse a true durdler vs one who just fell on hard times.
I guess I am not understanding durdling then. Where I live it is quite common to have 3 and 4 generations living under one roof. Family worth is much more important then individual wealth or accomplishments. Some families are living on the exact land their forefathers bought 100-150 years ago.
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I just can't understand how someone can operate with zero ambitions.
What seems to be lack of ambition to one is fine for others. Some people strive to be a business owner or a home owner. Others strive to not be tied down and free to do as they wish.
I guess I am not understanding durdling then. Where I live it is quite common to have 3 and 4 generations living under one roof. Family worth is much more important then individual wealth or accomplishments. Some families are living on the exact land their forefathers bought 100-150 years ago.
Will any of them lose their ability to maintain their standard of living the moment the people they're dependent on dies?
I guess I am not understanding durdling then. Where I live it is quite common to have 3 and 4 generations living under one roof. Family worth is much more important then individual wealth or accomplishments. Some families are living on the exact land their forefathers bought 100-150 years ago.
Will any of them lose their ability to maintain their standard of living the moment the people they're dependent on dies?
Yeah, I think that's all we're trying to say bocephus. I married an Indian woman, I know all about families living under one roof
I'm talking about 30+ year olds living with middle and upper middle class families who won't be able to subsist when their link to their parents is gone. Not people who had to move back in or never left because they can't find a job or are unemployed, or are saving money, etc. I lived with my parents until fairly recently (middle of last year) to pay off my student loans and save for my wedding.
Basically the two qualities are: Not self-sufficient, not trying to be.
I should have been clear that the friend I mentioned earlier USED to be a durdler, and while he's moving slowly he's at least making progress out of it now.
here I was thinking I was pretty bad considering I've only applied to like 14 jobs since finishing college last year.
on a somewhat serious, related note. My step-mom lived at her parents house until she was 27-28 (almost 14 years ago I think). The only reason why she moved out was because her and my dad had been together for a few years and he told her they'd get a house together if she'd get a job to help pay for it. Her parents let her live at their house at the time on the condition that she did minimal work around the house, which resulted in her not even having a real job until she was in her very late 20s. She had no reason to support herself and move out since she essentially had everything handed to her for free
Take the life style of someone in Alaska and someone in a large metropolis, ambition and how to be self sufficient would be 2 very different things to those 2 people. Somewhere along the line life became more about who dies with the most/most expensive toys instead of being comfortable and surviving.
Take the life style of someone in Alaska and someone in a large metropolis, ambition and how to be self sufficient would be 2 very different things to those 2 people. Somewhere along the line life became more about who dies with the most/most expensive toys instead of being comfortable and surviving.
Stop trying to be a smart-ass.
Can you survive/sustain whatever lifestyle you want without aid?
If yes, then you are self-sufficient.
This doesn't change whether you're living alone in the middle of nowhere in Alaska or in NYC.
As for the ambition thing- You're taking it far too seriously. Yes. You can most certainly live a comfortable life without being ambitious.
But I ask you this- Did you at any point in time choose to work to achieve something? If so, then you had a certain ambition for as long as you worked to achieve that. Ambition doesn't mean working to achieve riches or being spectacular at something; it merely means having a goal in mind that you work to get at.
Magickware, I get where you are coming from. I think we should all strive to be better than we are.
But at the same time, durdling from lack of ambition is a tremendously subjective concept from individual to individual, and varies across cultures as well.
I hold myself to an aspiration where I have to go out and improvement my prospects in private industry. For me, being an engineer making 60k per year is durdling, but being a doctor making 160k/yr isn't.
Not everyone sees things that way. At the same time, I've met some woman who are truly content in life without any job, simply being stay at home mothers and caring for children. They have no more aspiration in life than to have a husband with a child, and to raise that child. However, if I was a father and jobless, I would say I'm durdling in life. The latter being a self imposed subjective evaluation probably influenced by cultural norms.
I'm saying that we should all strive to be self-sufficient, and anyone who isn't striving to achieve that is probably a "durdler".
That is my definition of a "durdler"- someone who isn't striving to be self-sufficient. That's it. Ambition or self-betterment doesn't even fit into it.
Do I personally hold myself to the standard that I should constantly try to better myself? Yes, but that isn't a standard that I really hold anyone else to.
I'm saying that we should all strive to be self-sufficient, and anyone who isn't striving to achieve that is probably a "durdler".
That is my definition of a "durdler"- someone who isn't striving to be self-sufficient. That's it. Ambition or self-betterment doesn't even fit into it.
Do I personally hold myself to the standard that I should constantly try to better myself? Yes, but that isn't a standard that I really hold anyone else to.
What do you mean by self-sufficient? I said earlier I see an engineer making 60k per year as a durdler.
There's a reason for that: It's hard to sustain a wife and kids on 60k per year in a major metropolitan area. It's not impossible of course,
but with house prices where they are, the economic reality is 60k wont cut it. It's not enough to be self-sufficient --in this case self sufficiency being defined as being able to
support a wife and kids. I can support myself fine...but someday my reality is going to change. What then? good question.
Same with these people living off their parents dime. Someday their parents are going to die. What then? good question.
What about the women who are stay at home mothers who are content in life doing nothing else but raising their kids. What happens if their husband divorces them? What then? Good question.
All I'm trying to say is that it's all subjective--even the hard line of "self sufficiency" is subjective.
You might argue well...the divorced woman might get alimony and child support. I might argue the durdler whose parents die will get life insurance and might even inherit the house.
Both of those are besides the point.
My question is what is your definition of self-sufficiency?
--For me, its the point where I can support a wife and kids by myself at the same economic standards my parents provided me.
If I can't do that; if I dont aspire to that I'm a durdler.
--For you its ???? (I'm guessing probably not the same standard as mine. )
You can argue my standard is dumb. You are argue it is specifically YOUR definition of self sufficiency that should apply. But that's just my point. It's a subjective standard.
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Keep in mind, I'm a friend, not a parent so I don't want to be badgering them. I also realize that people need to help themselves first before other people can help them (and they are not helping themselves). If they are happy, I'll just let them be. Being an adult comes with adult responsibilities. Who'd want that?!
Society frowns upon people like these. How do we get them to change? How will they see themselves 5 years from now? The rest of us work hard to earn a living and we don't have the same amount of time to "have fun" or "chill out". Can it be that we as productive members of society have it all wrong? Perhaps we should indulge in the little and materialistic things and keep us happy.
Anyone a durdler or know of one care to chime in? I'd like to get some insight on what they are thinking.
If everyone durdled in life, we'd have a degenerate society. I also realize that.
BTW - I'm not a durdler.
I'm going to violate my own rule of life and say, 'don't tell people how to live their lives' If your friends are happy and content, then, man, leave things well enough!
I have a wife, kids, home, shop etc and I love my free durdling time, I really envy people who don't give a flying foot about 'society' and norms and they get to do what they want, when they want.
Also, Karoshi! PS I don't want to troll, but very seriously asking, are you jealous somehow??
They have no ambition, and no reason to seek anything to better themselves. Because they already have everything that they want. Because they live with family members who provide housing and everything. Things become a helluva lot more difficult when you have to pay for your own housing.
Family member who houses them kicks them out. Then, in all likelihood, the person will develop a completely unjustified anger towards the world and become a homeless for the rest of his/her life.
I'm being totally serious here.
No. Because most of us do not have family members who provide us housing.
With every action we take, we can either contribute something to the world or we can take away from it. At the same time, that action will give us either positive feelings or negative feelings. The feelings that we have and the memories that we form are internal to ourselves, and cannot be projected to the outside world except through the actions we take. When we die, our feelings and memories cease to exist, as we lack the physical capability to project them into the world through our actions. The physical consequences of the actions we took while alive will persist for the duration of the existence of the universe.
No. I was once a "durdler" in life and can tell you from experience that it's not fulfilling. Fun for a while, but let it go too long and you start to lose all self-respect. Peers are a big motivator. They don't even have to say anything directly, just having some good friends to be an example and picking up things from everyday conversations about the joys and challenges they face in their career, family, home ownership, etc. is huge.
If you're worried about your friends you should ask them what their plans are, where they see themselves in 5 yrs or 10 yrs. At least get them thinking about it. Do they want to be 47yrs old still living with their parents and just watching movies and playing games all the time? What about when their parents eventually retire? What about when their parents inevitably die? If they mention wanting to change something, encourage them. Chances are they've already thought about it but they don't know how to take the next step and are too afraid of looking stupid to ask for help.
I know people who have a house, car, kids, job, wife and they are still unhappy. It's all relative. It's not that things and events makes us unhappy it's our reaction to those things.
I'm not defending this style of life, but as long as your durdler friends are good decent folk who are not breaking any law, I say: let them be. Live and let live man.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.
My question is why do you feel others need to change to fit your idea of what life should be?
Now, for everyone saying 'don't judge them', remember that these are 30 year-old-men who live at home and are chronically lacking in self-sufficiency. These aren't just bachelors or underachievers, he is referring to people who have chosen to not be self-sufficient by doing the bare minimum. We're talking about the 'failure to launch' types. That a serious problem to a friend's long term well being, and one a friend is right to be concerned about.
Honestly, if they're unmotivated and their family isn't pushing them, there isn't anything you can do. What you should be is supportive of any attempts they make to break out of the lifestyle. As others have said, it's not very fulfilling and they probably realize it.
For instance, I've got a friend who has been in community college getting a 2 year degree for the last 6 years. It's not that he can't go full time, he just doesn't want to, and in the mean time life is passing him by (although social anxiety is a large factor, but coddling parents is another - we did more good gently pushing him to further steps in life over two years than fifteen years of therapy). He's got a major crush on a coworker of mine who I've introduced to my friends because she's a big board game nerd, and I don't really have the heart to tell him she has zero interest in a guy like him without a 'real' job ('real' meaning a job that would make him self-sufficient).
You should keep in mind that they probably aren't 'durdling' (love the word) because they don't care, but because they're frightened or depressed. Or there is something keeping them back. I guarantee their family wants them to move on, however. If you want to talk to one of these friends, just talk to them about it. We're not talking about an intervention here, but a little friendly push from friends can do a great deal. If my friends and I had left the durdler I describe above alone, he still wouldn't be capable of going to a movie theater or restaurant on his own. So if you want to talk, talk:
"Hey, _______, how is work going?"
"It sucks/It's terrible/I hate retail"
"Have you considered looking for other jobs?"
"No/They all suck"
"I hear the community college has a great program in X. Why don't you check it out?"
"*Grunting Noise*"
"Anyway, Wrath of God, fools!"
Similar quick conversations can be used for people who went to school but got a worthless degree. Just remember to only give a small push or a suggestion, it's ultimately up to them if they want to change their lifestyle. More importantly, remember that looking down on them isn't helpful, you need to be a friend wanting their buddy to succeed, not a parent with a disappointing kid.
But that's about as far as you take it. Their lives are not your responsibility, and sooner or later they'll have a rude awakening, and they'll either try to do better or they'll start leeching off their friends as well as their family. If it's the former, make every effort to help. If it's the latter, you're better off without them long-term.
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What happens when your parents die and you cannot maintain your lifestyle?
It's not a matter of being happy. It's a matter of wtf happens when you no longer have the people supporting you around you?
You will die. That is the unflinching and incredibly harsh truth. If you have no education or learning that allows you to make a living that allows you to be independent then at best you'll be a parasite to society or you will just starve and die.
Neither are good.
Get the **** out of your parent's house and become independent.
I have asked where they see themselves in 5-10 years. They shrug their shoulders with an "I don't know" answer. How's that for failing to launch?
Thanks for the replies everyone. My friends are law abiding people. They are happy when we meet and talk so I'm not trying to impose my view of life on them. I let them be and we are still good friends. I just can't understand how someone can operate with zero ambitions.
I didn't become "durdler" because I wanted to.
I'm well aware that my parents will die one day and if I don't get a job by then, I'm screwed. However, I still have plenty of time to get a job, so I'm not panicking yet. That doesn't mean that I'm not ambitious and that I'm just sitting on my ass all day.
I'm constantly applying for jobs, but the economy is tough. It's hard to find a job, especially in your own profession (at least for me). I know plenty of people who are also unemployed. Some are even bigger durdlers than myself as they don't even try. Besides, even if you get a job, you can end up in the street very easily. What then? What if I get a job and lose it at the age of 50? Do I become a "durdler" once again?
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.
The way you are describing yourself does not match the 'durdler' criteria. You are actively trying to do better.
TerribleBad at Magic since 1998.A Vorthos Guide to Magic Story | Twitter | Tumblr
[Primer] Krenko | Azor | Kess | Zacama | Kumena | Sram | The Ur-Dragon | Edgar Markov | Daretti | Marath
It's fairly easy, honestly. I don't really have much ambition and it hasn't impeded my life to any great degree. I live on my own, have a decent job, have friends and relationships and I even have a dream that I'm working toward. But I'm a smell the roses type and I'm in no rush to zip through life. I wouldn't have a much better answer for the 5-10 years from now question than "I don't know", and I'm not sure that's an altogether terrible thing. I have ideas of where I'd like to be, but I'm in no rush to get there.
Archatmos
Excellion
Fracture: Israfiel (WBR), Wujal (URG), Valedon (GUB), Amduat (BGW), Paladris (RWU)
Collision (Set Two of the Fracture Block)
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Katingal: Plane of Chains
You're not a "durdler" then.
Because, as Jay13x said, you're actively trying to improve your life.
Though I question the thing you wrote about happiness. Like I wrote, it's not necessarily about happiness, but rather responsibility and being independent/self-sufficient.
Have you considered a career change? After a long time of trying to do something that fits my choice of career from since college, I gave up and have moved onto something completely different.
The real durdlers are those who just do the least to survive. They are earning (with a minimalist job like washing dishes) just enough to buy their video games, build their MTG decks, eat, maybe a few bills, and that's it. Real durdlers don't apply for better jobs, or go to school. Real durdlers just don't try.
The economy is very rough, and it's very easy to confuse a true durdler vs one who just fell on hard times.
Again, I'm not trying to offend anyone.
What seems to be lack of ambition to one is fine for others. Some people strive to be a business owner or a home owner. Others strive to not be tied down and free to do as they wish.
Will any of them lose their ability to maintain their standard of living the moment the people they're dependent on dies?
That I do not know.
I'm talking about 30+ year olds living with middle and upper middle class families who won't be able to subsist when their link to their parents is gone. Not people who had to move back in or never left because they can't find a job or are unemployed, or are saving money, etc. I lived with my parents until fairly recently (middle of last year) to pay off my student loans and save for my wedding.
Basically the two qualities are: Not self-sufficient, not trying to be.
I should have been clear that the friend I mentioned earlier USED to be a durdler, and while he's moving slowly he's at least making progress out of it now.
TerribleBad at Magic since 1998.A Vorthos Guide to Magic Story | Twitter | Tumblr
[Primer] Krenko | Azor | Kess | Zacama | Kumena | Sram | The Ur-Dragon | Edgar Markov | Daretti | Marath
on a somewhat serious, related note. My step-mom lived at her parents house until she was 27-28 (almost 14 years ago I think). The only reason why she moved out was because her and my dad had been together for a few years and he told her they'd get a house together if she'd get a job to help pay for it. Her parents let her live at their house at the time on the condition that she did minimal work around the house, which resulted in her not even having a real job until she was in her very late 20s. She had no reason to support herself and move out since she essentially had everything handed to her for free
Take the life style of someone in Alaska and someone in a large metropolis, ambition and how to be self sufficient would be 2 very different things to those 2 people. Somewhere along the line life became more about who dies with the most/most expensive toys instead of being comfortable and surviving.
Stop trying to be a smart-ass.
Can you survive/sustain whatever lifestyle you want without aid?
If yes, then you are self-sufficient.
This doesn't change whether you're living alone in the middle of nowhere in Alaska or in NYC.
As for the ambition thing- You're taking it far too seriously. Yes. You can most certainly live a comfortable life without being ambitious.
But I ask you this- Did you at any point in time choose to work to achieve something? If so, then you had a certain ambition for as long as you worked to achieve that. Ambition doesn't mean working to achieve riches or being spectacular at something; it merely means having a goal in mind that you work to get at.
But at the same time, durdling from lack of ambition is a tremendously subjective concept from individual to individual, and varies across cultures as well.
I hold myself to an aspiration where I have to go out and improvement my prospects in private industry. For me, being an engineer making 60k per year is durdling, but being a doctor making 160k/yr isn't.
Not everyone sees things that way. At the same time, I've met some woman who are truly content in life without any job, simply being stay at home mothers and caring for children. They have no more aspiration in life than to have a husband with a child, and to raise that child. However, if I was a father and jobless, I would say I'm durdling in life. The latter being a self imposed subjective evaluation probably influenced by cultural norms.
I'm saying that we should all strive to be self-sufficient, and anyone who isn't striving to achieve that is probably a "durdler".
That is my definition of a "durdler"- someone who isn't striving to be self-sufficient. That's it. Ambition or self-betterment doesn't even fit into it.
Do I personally hold myself to the standard that I should constantly try to better myself? Yes, but that isn't a standard that I really hold anyone else to.
What do you mean by self-sufficient? I said earlier I see an engineer making 60k per year as a durdler.
There's a reason for that: It's hard to sustain a wife and kids on 60k per year in a major metropolitan area. It's not impossible of course,
but with house prices where they are, the economic reality is 60k wont cut it. It's not enough to be self-sufficient --in this case self sufficiency being defined as being able to
support a wife and kids. I can support myself fine...but someday my reality is going to change. What then? good question.
Same with these people living off their parents dime. Someday their parents are going to die. What then? good question.
What about the women who are stay at home mothers who are content in life doing nothing else but raising their kids. What happens if their husband divorces them? What then? Good question.
All I'm trying to say is that it's all subjective--even the hard line of "self sufficiency" is subjective.
You might argue well...the divorced woman might get alimony and child support. I might argue the durdler whose parents die will get life insurance and might even inherit the house.
Both of those are besides the point.
My question is what is your definition of self-sufficiency?
--For me, its the point where I can support a wife and kids by myself at the same economic standards my parents provided me.
If I can't do that; if I dont aspire to that I'm a durdler.
--For you its ???? (I'm guessing probably not the same standard as mine. )
You can argue my standard is dumb. You are argue it is specifically YOUR definition of self sufficiency that should apply. But that's just my point. It's a subjective standard.