So I'm a freshman in college, and I really have no experience with relationships. I dated a girl for about 3 weeks during junior year, and that ended very abruptly (still not entirely sure what happened). I had kind of a relationship with a girl this summer - we were both touring with different groups, so we met at a show in July, texted until August, and then spent 2 days together at the end of the summer. We live 6 hours away and I have no transportation available, so it kind of fell apart once we each got home. The last one wasn't really a relationship, but it's as close as I've had in a while.
The common thread, however, was that both of these were set up by friends. It was definitely mutual between us, but friends introduced us and friends kind of... led the way to make anything happen. Which sucks now that I'm in college, 2500 miles away from everyone I know. Having friends set me up doesn't quite work any more.
There's a girl in my Japanese class I'm interested. She's cute, she's funny, and I have absolutely no idea what to do. Talking to her isn't hard, but I've never had to do something remotely like asking someone out. Before everyone says it - yes, I am WILDLY overthinking this. But I am very much an analytical person, and **** like this freaks me out. What do I say? Do I get her number and text her for a while first? Where do we go? I've never lived here before, I have no idea what there even is to do. This is all the crap that runs through my head every time I think about it. We're only about 3 weeks into the school year so it's not like I've known her for a while, but I'm really tired of being eternally single and even if it's not with this particular girl, I need to get off my ass and stop making my friends set everything up for me.
Just ask her if she wants to get coffee some time when you're chatting. She'll get the message. Don't overthink it.
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():
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Sing lustily and with good courage.
Be aware of singing as if you were half dead,
or half asleep:
but lift your voice with strength.
Be no more afraid of your voice now,
nor more ashamed of its being heard,
than when you sang the songs of Satan.
I know at your age I wouldn't have believed the advice I'm about to give you, but here goes anyway.
Just talk to her. After class, walk with her for a bit and talk. Get to know her. Show interest in who she is. Find something she likes to do, then ask if she'd like to go do that thing with you one day. If it's ice skating or watching movies or bicycling, whatever, just ask her if she'd like to go with you. Even if it's something you've never done, just say you've always wanted to try it or something like that. It's not a date, it's you two hanging out and enjoying time with each other.
Keep doing that stuff. Then ask her on an actual date. If you can cook, offer a meal at her place. If not, just ask her to join you for dinner somewhere and maybe a drink after.
It's really not that hard. Just spend time with her. Hell, maybe you'll find out you don't really like who she is. Either way, you need to get to know her and let her get to know you. Then it all just feels natural.
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"[Screw] you and the green you ramped in on." - My EDH battle cry. If I had one. Which I don't.
So I'm a freshman in college, and I really have no experience with relationships. I dated a girl for about 3 weeks during junior year, and that ended very abruptly (still not entirely sure what happened). I had kind of a relationship with a girl this summer - we were both touring with different groups, so we met at a show in July, texted until August, and then spent 2 days together at the end of the summer. We live 6 hours away and I have no transportation available, so it kind of fell apart once we each got home. The last one wasn't really a relationship, but it's as close as I've had in a while.
The common thread, however, was that both of these were set up by friends. It was definitely mutual between us, but friends introduced us and friends kind of... led the way to make anything happen. Which sucks now that I'm in college, 2500 miles away from everyone I know. Having friends set me up doesn't quite work any more.
There's a girl in my Japanese class I'm interested. She's cute, she's funny, and I have absolutely no idea what to do. Talking to her isn't hard, but I've never had to do something remotely like asking someone out. Before everyone says it - yes, I am WILDLY overthinking this. But I am very much an analytical person, and **** like this freaks me out. What do I say? Do I get her number and text her for a while first? Where do we go? I've never lived here before, I have no idea what there even is to do. This is all the crap that runs through my head every time I think about it. We're only about 3 weeks into the school year so it's not like I've known her for a while, but I'm really tired of being eternally single and even if it's not with this particular girl, I need to get off my ass and stop making my friends set everything up for me.
Trust me, I have been there. I had not gone on a date until I was a junior in college and at 24 years old I got married... The biggest issue for me was that I made too big of a deal out of asking a girl out. You're probably worrying about what will happen if you ask her but she says no. Guess what? Nothing will happen. The first time I asked a girl out she said no and we were still friends like nothing happen. That is the simple truth you have to understand. If you ask her "wanna go out sometime?" and she says no. It will not be the end of the world. She will not shun you like you suddenly developed cooties.
So, while it sounds cliche' just ask the girl out and dont over think it.
First of all, it sounds like you are in a strange situation in your personal life. Transportation, despite what some may think, is a big deal, offset things like this by trying to avoid it until later and instead, DHV. People are more inclined to buy a product with faults if the product provides more use than disuse if you know what I mean.
What I would focus on, is learning how to demonstrate higher value. This is not just important in trying to begin a relationship with someone, but also allows you a bit of personal growth.
1. Introduce yourself, even after introductions are made they can just be an introduction to a conversation rather than yourself.
2. Key into the conversation. You like her right? Actively listening and promoting the conversation should come naturally then.
3. Demonstrate higher value. You don't want to sound arrogant and cocky as ****, but you do want to do what we call in the presentation world, DHV. As it's name implies, it demonstrates higher value which essentially encourages the audience (or in this case the girl) to "buy what you are selling".
From here it is just a rinse an repeat process until you get to a kinetic stage in your relationship to where she is not freaked out by the idea of you also showing physical interest, such as a pat on the back (meh) or a flirtatious shoulder bump. Once here, you should be able to just confidently ask her out.
You could try the abrupt approach and just ask her, but if you are an analytically inclined guy, you would understand that without building rapport, you are bound to her a lot of no's before you hear a yes and I would say be prepared for that.
I know at your age I wouldn't have believed the advice I'm about to give you, but here goes anyway.
Just talk to her. After class, walk with her for a bit and talk. Get to know her. Show interest in who she is. Find something she likes to do, then ask if she'd like to go do that thing with you one day. If it's ice skating or watching movies or bicycling, whatever, just ask her if she'd like to go with you. Even if it's something you've never done, just say you've always wanted to try it or something like that. It's not a date, it's you two hanging out and enjoying time with each other.
Keep doing that stuff. Then ask her on an actual date. If you can cook, offer a meal at her place. If not, just ask her to join you for dinner somewhere and maybe a drink after.
It's really not that hard. Just spend time with her. Hell, maybe you'll find out you don't really like who she is. Either way, you need to get to know her and let her get to know you. Then it all just feels natural.
This sooooo many times over. I was in the same situation my freshman year. I met an awesome girl in my Chinese class. We started off just chatting after class, met up at the dining halls for dinner, etc. We aren't technically dating, but she's become my best friend instead, which is just as good. Girl friends aren't all that different than guy friends. You don't need to worry so much, just be friendly, show interest, and let things roll from there.
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"Proving god exists isn't hard. Proving god is God is the tricky part" - Roommate
As nerdy guys we tend to build these things up in our heads. Stop. It isn't a big deal, just talk to her and see if there is mutual interest.
Here is some general advice:
1) There is no relationship 'switch', relationships don't being when you ask a girl out. It's all a matter of degrees, if you talk and you're friends that can lead to more.
2) Ask her to do friend activities (get food at the commons, go to the library to study together, etc). Then progress from there.
If the girl is local, ask her to show you around. It sounds like you feel kind of lost in this new place and if she is remotely interested she will probably pick up on that. Also, this will solve the problem of "Where do we go? What do we do?" because that will be her job if she's the one showing you around town. Let her show you what she likes and if you're still interested, ask her out when you feel comfortable.
What I would do is. Have fun doing whatever you'd be doing with someone that you are always around, just like any other friend. I agree with Jay13x. There is no relationship mode it just happens. You are already doing it just by conversing. Attraction is natural. Relationships will occur naturally. If you find yourself being yourself and the person isn't already let off, all signs point to yes. #NERDLOVERS
If the girl is local, ask her to show you around. It sounds like you feel kind of lost in this new place and if she is remotely interested she will probably pick up on that. Also, this will solve the problem of "Where do we go? What do we do?" because that will be her job if she's the one showing you around town. Let her show you what she likes and if you're still interested, ask her out when you feel comfortable.
This an example of demonstrating lower value, or simply put DLV.
Don't act lost or ask for help. You are independent, also, in the way of dating, not having a clear direction for courting is a terrible idea.
You don't let her show you what interests her, you actively seek to learn those things. It makes you come off as needy or unsure.
So I'm a freshman in college, and I really have no experience with relationships. I dated a girl for about 3 weeks during junior year, and that ended very abruptly (still not entirely sure what happened). I had kind of a relationship with a girl this summer - we were both touring with different groups, so we met at a show in July, texted until August, and then spent 2 days together at the end of the summer. We live 6 hours away and I have no transportation available, so it kind of fell apart once we each got home. The last one wasn't really a relationship, but it's as close as I've had in a while.
The common thread, however, was that both of these were set up by friends. It was definitely mutual between us, but friends introduced us and friends kind of... led the way to make anything happen. Which sucks now that I'm in college, 2500 miles away from everyone I know. Having friends set me up doesn't quite work any more.
There's a girl in my Japanese class I'm interested. She's cute, she's funny, and I have absolutely no idea what to do. Talking to her isn't hard, but I've never had to do something remotely like asking someone out. Before everyone says it - yes, I am WILDLY overthinking this. But I am very much an analytical person, and **** like this freaks me out. What do I say? Do I get her number and text her for a while first? Where do we go? I've never lived here before, I have no idea what there even is to do. This is all the crap that runs through my head every time I think about it. We're only about 3 weeks into the school year so it's not like I've known her for a while, but I'm really tired of being eternally single and even if it's not with this particular girl, I need to get off my ass and stop making my friends set everything up for me.
Look up some stuff to do in advance (movies, concerts, whatever). As you guys are leaving class make sure to run into her and ask her if she's interested in whatever. Then, tell her you just happen to be going to see this band or that movie or whatever, and ask her if she wants to go with. I think it's better than asking for studying or coffee because it makes it clearer TO HER that it's a date.
Also, if she says no or whatever, don't hound her. Just let it go. As the old man would say: "be a man."
This an example of demonstrating lower value, or simply put DLV.
Don't act lost or ask for help. You are independent, also, in the way of dating, not having a clear direction for courting is a terrible idea.
You don't let her show you what interests her, you actively seek to learn those things. It makes you come off as needy or unsure.
OP, I would suggest you ignore ^^^that^^^ advice.
Ask her out. It's terrifying and you'll overthink it way too much, but once you actually do it you'll know where you stand. There's no situation in which you not finding out if she's interested in you is preferable to simply asking:
-She likes you and you ask: Best case. Everyone wins.
-She likes you and you don't ask: You miss your shot. She thinks you're not interested because you never ask her out.
-She doesn't like you and you ask: You now know the score and can move on. You could still remain friends with her as an added bonus.
-She doesn't like you and you don't ask: You pine away, never knowing you don't have a chance. False hope does you no good and you might even miss an opportunity that you would otherwise take because you "might have a shot".
And believe me, I've been in the same situation. I've experienced all four of those outcomes. Asking was always the best solution, even when I was shot down.
Everything scares me... kitties scare me... squirrels scare me... corpses....corpses bring forth a pletora of confusing feeling which i prefer not to dwell on...:p
As a freshman in college, start asking women out a lot. I regret not doing it more when I was single. Confidence is palpable and if it doesn't come naturally, it will with experience. The fact is, there are plenty of girls in college that want to meet people and have a good time (who doesn't). Not having any expectations is important too, sometimes there is a connection (romantic or otherwise), often there isn't. I've made some very good friends that started with spending time together even though there was never a spark. Hell, I even went out on a couple of dates (if you could call it that) with lesbians just because we had very similar interests and enjoyed hanging out. Making friends is a great fringe benefit of putting yourself out there and not concerning yourself with rejection.
Ask her out. It's terrifying and you'll overthink it way too much, but once you actually do it you'll know where you stand. There's no situation in which you not finding out if she's interested in you is preferable to simply asking:
-She likes you and you ask: Best case. Everyone wins.
-She likes you and you don't ask: You miss your shot. She thinks you're not interested because you never ask her out.
-She doesn't like you and you ask: You now know the score and can move on. You could still remain friends with her as an added bonus.
-She doesn't like you and you don't ask: You pine away, never knowing you don't have a chance. False hope does you no good and you might even miss an opportunity that you would otherwise take because you "might have a shot".
And believe me, I've been in the same situation. I've experienced all four of those outcomes. Asking was always the best solution, even when I was shot down.
Whaa?
Ignore basic presentation methods such as value demonstration?
I hate to break it to you, but there is actually a science behind social interaction and ques and how they effect the comfort level and chemistry between individuals.
You can simplify if as much as you want by just saying "Ask her out, here are the possible outcomes." and that is fine, but really, if there is play room and things you should avoid doing and things you most certainly do demonstrating higher value is almost at the top of that list when you are presenting something to a consumer and it can translate very well into the dating scene as well.
The fact remains, that your presentation does effect whether she will say yes or no to a date.
Advice which shows insecure or dependent tendencies is just bad. Acting like you are lost when you really are not, might be cute and all, but not everyone is going to find it cute. Avoiding this method is your best bet simply because the OP is clearly not comfortable enough with the situation as it is.
Advice that shows security and independence is far better because it is universally accepted behavior, unless the girl is a complete slob on welfare and no drive to do anything and fine with someone who is just like her... since she is in one of his college classes, I will assume she is not.
So back to my initial advice
Quote from Kamahl, the Fallen »
First of all, it sounds like you are in a strange situation in your personal life. Transportation, despite what some may think, is a big deal, offset things like this by trying to avoid it until later and instead, DHV. People are more inclined to buy a product with faults if the product provides more use than disuse if you know what I mean.
What I would focus on, is learning how to demonstrate higher value. This is not just important in trying to begin a relationship with someone, but also allows you a bit of personal growth.
1. Introduce yourself, even after introductions are made they can just be an introduction to a conversation rather than yourself.
2. Key into the conversation. You like her right? Actively listening and promoting the conversation should come naturally then.
3. Demonstrate higher value. You don't want to sound arrogant and cocky as ****, but you do want to do what we call in the presentation world, DHV. As it's name implies, it demonstrates higher value which essentially encourages the audience (or in this case the girl) to "buy what you are selling".
From here it is just a rinse an repeat process until you get to a kinetic stage in your relationship to where she is not freaked out by the idea of you also showing physical interest, such as a pat on the back (meh) or a flirtatious shoulder bump. Once here, you should be able to just confidently ask her out.
You could try the abrupt approach and just ask her, but if you are an analytically inclined guy, you would understand that without building rapport, you are bound to her a lot of no's before you hear a yes and I would say be prepared for that.
Don't listen to the PUA bull****. Just ask her out.
I've lived in my new city for two weeks and I've been on five dates in that time. Be confident and just do it.
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Sing lustily and with good courage.
Be aware of singing as if you were half dead,
or half asleep:
but lift your voice with strength.
Be no more afraid of your voice now,
nor more ashamed of its being heard,
than when you sang the songs of Satan.
I will also note that picking someone in a language class is especially good, as you therefore have a study-buddy, a guaranteed conversation starter, and because the class is about talking you have a built in excuse to talk to people.
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"Proving god exists isn't hard. Proving god is God is the tricky part" - Roommate
Relationships are not video games, bro. You don't get laid just because you fulfill some nonsense criteria someone with too much time on their hands pulled out.
If you follow this advice there is a good chance she'll laugh at you because you're acting like a goof.
Just man up and ask her out, straight up. Don't be a creep about anime or whatever, and don't ever mention you play wizard poker. Keep those nerdy hobbies to yourself until you actually know this person. They are NOT socially respectable, and for good reason.
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“A man's at odds to know his mind cause his mind is aught he has to know it with. He can know his heart, but he dont want to. Rightly so. Best not to look in there. It aint the heart of a creature that is bound in the way that God has set for it. You can find meanness in the least of creatures, but when God made man the devil was at his elbow. A creature that can do anything. Make a machine. And a machine to make the machine. And evil that can run itself a thousand years, no need to tend it.”
― Cormac McCarthy, Blood Meridian, or the Evening Redness in the West
Relationships are not video games, bro. You don't get laid just because you fulfill some nonsense criteria someone with too much time on their hands pulled out.
If you follow this advice there is a good chance she'll laugh at you because you're acting like a goof.
Just man up and ask her out, straight up. Don't be a creep about anime or whatever, and don't ever mention you play wizard poker. Keep those nerdy hobbies to yourself until you actually know this person. They are NOT socially respectable, and for good reason.
Liking anime hasn't gotten me in trouble yet, but otherwise this
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"Proving god exists isn't hard. Proving god is God is the tricky part" - Roommate
In general, though, don't lead with embarrassing stuff unless it's endearing.
Play the Autoharp? Ride a unicycle? Cool. Don't base your flirtation around it.
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Sing lustily and with good courage.
Be aware of singing as if you were half dead,
or half asleep:
but lift your voice with strength.
Be no more afraid of your voice now,
nor more ashamed of its being heard,
than when you sang the songs of Satan.
I know at your age I wouldn't have believed the advice I'm about to give you, but here goes anyway.
Just talk to her. After class, walk with her for a bit and talk. Get to know her. Show interest in who she is. Find something she likes to do, then ask if she'd like to go do that thing with you one day. If it's ice skating or watching movies or bicycling, whatever, just ask her if she'd like to go with you. Even if it's something you've never done, just say you've always wanted to try it or something like that. It's not a date, it's you two hanging out and enjoying time with each other.
Keep doing that stuff. Then ask her on an actual date. If you can cook, offer a meal at her place. If not, just ask her to join you for dinner somewhere and maybe a drink after.
It's really not that hard. Just spend time with her. Hell, maybe you'll find out you don't really like who she is. Either way, you need to get to know her and let her get to know you. Then it all just feels natural.
This is the same advice I'd give as well. Getting to know the girl in question is the best way I've found to approach dating, rather than trying to ask her out "cold" (so-to-speak). Talk to her about her family, her interests, her aspirations, etc, like Dechs said if there's a connection the rest will come naturally.
This is the same advice I'd give as well. Getting to know the girl in question is the best way I've found to approach dating, rather than trying to ask her out "cold" (so-to-speak). Talk to her about her family, her interests, her aspirations, etc, like Dechs said if there's a connection the rest will come naturally.
See, I agree with you, but that's what I've done every time I've been in a similar situation and it's never worked out.
Relationships are not video games, bro. You don't get laid just because you fulfill some nonsense criteria someone with too much time on their hands pulled out.
If you follow this advice there is a good chance she'll laugh at you because you're acting like a goof.
Just man up and ask her out, straight up. Don't be a creep about anime or whatever, and don't ever mention you play wizard poker. Keep those nerdy hobbies to yourself until you actually know this person. They are NOT socially respectable, and for good reason.
I think what you're saying and what Kamahl is saying is more or less the same. The "Don't be a creep about anime/don't tell about wizard poker" bit sounds more or less what Kamahl is saying: Be presentable.
Guys, I wouldn't necessarily follow what Kamahl is saying literally; rather, his post comes down to this: Be confidant. I mean, that's all it really is. Just don't be a pansy, and talk to her. Do try to be yourself, but man...if "yourself" is "Scared, shy, self-loathing," then boy you will not be getting any brownie points.
Incorrect in many levels. When trying to date someone you should always be yourself and not some kind of actor, since you want your ''future girlfriend'' to like your actual personality and not the fake qualities you presented to get laid. If you start something with lies then it will not end up well. And women are not ''products'' like you say, they can understand lies, that's why all ''good'' guys are stuck in the ''friendzone''. They are fakers. Seriously op this is not the advice i would follow.
Regarding this thread, try to introduce yourself and get to know each other to see if you are interested in her. Don't rush things until you are sure. Now it is your time to ask her on a date. That's it, nothing more, nothing less it must be done. It's really easy, simply when you are alone with her somewhere, tell her you want to hang out for a drink. If she says no, she is probably not into you, deal with it you are a man. If she says yes then good luck on your date!
I wouldn't say "good" guys and "nice" guys (I hate the term) get friendzoned a lot because of acting too tough or acting like who they aren't. It's more that they all believe in this fantasy that you be best friends first and then over the years you become lovers. I've seen too many people fall into this trap. "Sorry, I see you more as a brother." GG
Yes it happens, and yes it can start out as friends first. What I'm trying to say is don't drag it out forever. You like her? Just make it clear to her. Yes yes, fine. Get to know them first or whatever. Be friends, hang out, do stuff together. That's fine. Just...ASK her out in the near future. Better sooner than later.
If you start dragging it out too long, either she isn't interested anymore or some other guy swoops in.
Reprints the one card that people point to when saying that art objectifies women.
Well done Wizards.
Liliana does not objectify women in any way at all. We have gotten to a point in our society that every single picture of a women must be objectifying a women in some negative way......blah blah blah.. That is not the case. (((Sarcasm)))Picture of a girl drinking a milk shake, must be sex related and putting women down, picture of girl sitting on a beach, picture of a girl driving a car, picture of a girl on the moon at a new space station.)))
You have a picture of an attractive strong power women who girls dress up as for anime conventions. What more do you want? The picture is fine, happy to see a reprint. Sick of of seeing people claim that everything in existence must be putting women down. Then all I have to do is replace the word "women" with anything else to get the same mentality; fish, cats, arabs, blacks, jews, men, environment, whites, chinese, old people, etc. It doesn't matter what word I put in. Stop sucking life out of everything man. That artwork of her is awesome. Stop putting stuff down man. Just stop. If the picture was really as negative as you claim she would totally nude, in a kitchen, making sandwiches and giving blow jobs. Her abilities would be horrible as well. +1 do nothing -2 do nothing -6 do nothing. Instead liliana of the veil is an amazing planeswalker comparable to jace, the mind sculpter with great art to appreciate.
My suggestion listen to some comedy radio for a while, pandora is free, youtube is free there is something out there for you. ***** go make fun of somebody. The whole world is so serious and campaigning for some cause, or someones rights, everything is a hate crime, racist, sexist. blah blah blah.
"O no mcdonalds must be slandering a hate crime against skinny people every time they make a big mac." hahaha jeeze You're just someone perpetuating another groups negative perspective that they've made you believe is correct. Look at the picture for a hour and tell me what's wrong with it? I don't see anything.
I have heard vague rumors of a moustache-dispensing vending machine in a distant laundromat, across the street from a tattoo parlor. However, this information is shaky, and time is of the essence.
This is the same advice I'd give as well. Getting to know the girl in question is the best way I've found to approach dating, rather than trying to ask her out "cold" (so-to-speak). Talk to her about her family, her interests, her aspirations, etc, like Dechs said if there's a connection the rest will come naturally.
Dating is a good way to get to know someone. Dating isn't high romance, you're spending time with another person to see if you're compatible.
Guys, I wouldn't necessarily follow what Kamahl is saying literally; rather, his post comes down to this: Be confidant.
It sounds a lot like the PUA mind games that only really work on women with low self esteem.
I wouldn't say "good" guys and "nice" guys (I hate the term) get friendzoned a lot because of acting too tough or acting like who they aren't. It's more that they all believe in this fantasy that you be best friends first and then over the years you become lovers. I've seen too many people fall into this trap. "Sorry, I see you more as a brother." GG
Anyone who uses "friendzone" unironically is someone who needs to readjust their perception of the world.
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“A man's at odds to know his mind cause his mind is aught he has to know it with. He can know his heart, but he dont want to. Rightly so. Best not to look in there. It aint the heart of a creature that is bound in the way that God has set for it. You can find meanness in the least of creatures, but when God made man the devil was at his elbow. A creature that can do anything. Make a machine. And a machine to make the machine. And evil that can run itself a thousand years, no need to tend it.”
― Cormac McCarthy, Blood Meridian, or the Evening Redness in the West
It sounds a lot like the PUA mind games that only really work on women with low self esteem.
I suppose. I suppose yeah. If that is what he's saying then no I don't condone it; however I think the main takeaway is to put yourself out there. That's my take on it.
Reprints the one card that people point to when saying that art objectifies women.
Well done Wizards.
Liliana does not objectify women in any way at all. We have gotten to a point in our society that every single picture of a women must be objectifying a women in some negative way......blah blah blah.. That is not the case. (((Sarcasm)))Picture of a girl drinking a milk shake, must be sex related and putting women down, picture of girl sitting on a beach, picture of a girl driving a car, picture of a girl on the moon at a new space station.)))
You have a picture of an attractive strong power women who girls dress up as for anime conventions. What more do you want? The picture is fine, happy to see a reprint. Sick of of seeing people claim that everything in existence must be putting women down. Then all I have to do is replace the word "women" with anything else to get the same mentality; fish, cats, arabs, blacks, jews, men, environment, whites, chinese, old people, etc. It doesn't matter what word I put in. Stop sucking life out of everything man. That artwork of her is awesome. Stop putting stuff down man. Just stop. If the picture was really as negative as you claim she would totally nude, in a kitchen, making sandwiches and giving blow jobs. Her abilities would be horrible as well. +1 do nothing -2 do nothing -6 do nothing. Instead liliana of the veil is an amazing planeswalker comparable to jace, the mind sculpter with great art to appreciate.
My suggestion listen to some comedy radio for a while, pandora is free, youtube is free there is something out there for you. ***** go make fun of somebody. The whole world is so serious and campaigning for some cause, or someones rights, everything is a hate crime, racist, sexist. blah blah blah.
"O no mcdonalds must be slandering a hate crime against skinny people every time they make a big mac." hahaha jeeze You're just someone perpetuating another groups negative perspective that they've made you believe is correct. Look at the picture for a hour and tell me what's wrong with it? I don't see anything.
I have heard vague rumors of a moustache-dispensing vending machine in a distant laundromat, across the street from a tattoo parlor. However, this information is shaky, and time is of the essence.
The common thread, however, was that both of these were set up by friends. It was definitely mutual between us, but friends introduced us and friends kind of... led the way to make anything happen. Which sucks now that I'm in college, 2500 miles away from everyone I know. Having friends set me up doesn't quite work any more.
There's a girl in my Japanese class I'm interested. She's cute, she's funny, and I have absolutely no idea what to do. Talking to her isn't hard, but I've never had to do something remotely like asking someone out. Before everyone says it - yes, I am WILDLY overthinking this. But I am very much an analytical person, and **** like this freaks me out. What do I say? Do I get her number and text her for a while first? Where do we go? I've never lived here before, I have no idea what there even is to do. This is all the crap that runs through my head every time I think about it. We're only about 3 weeks into the school year so it's not like I've known her for a while, but I'm really tired of being eternally single and even if it's not with this particular girl, I need to get off my ass and stop making my friends set everything up for me.
Be aware of singing as if you were half dead,
or half asleep:
but lift your voice with strength.
Be no more afraid of your voice now,
nor more ashamed of its being heard,
than when you sang the songs of Satan.
Just talk to her. After class, walk with her for a bit and talk. Get to know her. Show interest in who she is. Find something she likes to do, then ask if she'd like to go do that thing with you one day. If it's ice skating or watching movies or bicycling, whatever, just ask her if she'd like to go with you. Even if it's something you've never done, just say you've always wanted to try it or something like that. It's not a date, it's you two hanging out and enjoying time with each other.
Keep doing that stuff. Then ask her on an actual date. If you can cook, offer a meal at her place. If not, just ask her to join you for dinner somewhere and maybe a drink after.
It's really not that hard. Just spend time with her. Hell, maybe you'll find out you don't really like who she is. Either way, you need to get to know her and let her get to know you. Then it all just feels natural.
Pristaxcontrombmodruu!
Trust me, I have been there. I had not gone on a date until I was a junior in college and at 24 years old I got married... The biggest issue for me was that I made too big of a deal out of asking a girl out. You're probably worrying about what will happen if you ask her but she says no. Guess what? Nothing will happen. The first time I asked a girl out she said no and we were still friends like nothing happen. That is the simple truth you have to understand. If you ask her "wanna go out sometime?" and she says no. It will not be the end of the world. She will not shun you like you suddenly developed cooties.
So, while it sounds cliche' just ask the girl out and dont over think it.
What I would focus on, is learning how to demonstrate higher value. This is not just important in trying to begin a relationship with someone, but also allows you a bit of personal growth.
1. Introduce yourself, even after introductions are made they can just be an introduction to a conversation rather than yourself.
2. Key into the conversation. You like her right? Actively listening and promoting the conversation should come naturally then.
3. Demonstrate higher value. You don't want to sound arrogant and cocky as ****, but you do want to do what we call in the presentation world, DHV. As it's name implies, it demonstrates higher value which essentially encourages the audience (or in this case the girl) to "buy what you are selling".
From here it is just a rinse an repeat process until you get to a kinetic stage in your relationship to where she is not freaked out by the idea of you also showing physical interest, such as a pat on the back (meh) or a flirtatious shoulder bump. Once here, you should be able to just confidently ask her out.
You could try the abrupt approach and just ask her, but if you are an analytically inclined guy, you would understand that without building rapport, you are bound to her a lot of no's before you hear a yes and I would say be prepared for that.
This sooooo many times over. I was in the same situation my freshman year. I met an awesome girl in my Chinese class. We started off just chatting after class, met up at the dining halls for dinner, etc. We aren't technically dating, but she's become my best friend instead, which is just as good. Girl friends aren't all that different than guy friends. You don't need to worry so much, just be friendly, show interest, and let things roll from there.
As nerdy guys we tend to build these things up in our heads. Stop. It isn't a big deal, just talk to her and see if there is mutual interest.
Here is some general advice:
1) There is no relationship 'switch', relationships don't being when you ask a girl out. It's all a matter of degrees, if you talk and you're friends that can lead to more.
2) Ask her to do friend activities (get food at the commons, go to the library to study together, etc). Then progress from there.
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This an example of demonstrating lower value, or simply put DLV.
Don't act lost or ask for help. You are independent, also, in the way of dating, not having a clear direction for courting is a terrible idea.
You don't let her show you what interests her, you actively seek to learn those things. It makes you come off as needy or unsure.
Look up some stuff to do in advance (movies, concerts, whatever). As you guys are leaving class make sure to run into her and ask her if she's interested in whatever. Then, tell her you just happen to be going to see this band or that movie or whatever, and ask her if she wants to go with. I think it's better than asking for studying or coffee because it makes it clearer TO HER that it's a date.
Also, if she says no or whatever, don't hound her. Just let it go. As the old man would say: "be a man."
*DCI Rules Advisor*
OP, I would suggest you ignore ^^^that^^^ advice.
Ask her out. It's terrifying and you'll overthink it way too much, but once you actually do it you'll know where you stand. There's no situation in which you not finding out if she's interested in you is preferable to simply asking:
-She likes you and you ask: Best case. Everyone wins.
-She likes you and you don't ask: You miss your shot. She thinks you're not interested because you never ask her out.
-She doesn't like you and you ask: You now know the score and can move on. You could still remain friends with her as an added bonus.
-She doesn't like you and you don't ask: You pine away, never knowing you don't have a chance. False hope does you no good and you might even miss an opportunity that you would otherwise take because you "might have a shot".
And believe me, I've been in the same situation. I've experienced all four of those outcomes. Asking was always the best solution, even when I was shot down.
{Magic: The RPG}
Whaa?
Ignore basic presentation methods such as value demonstration?
I hate to break it to you, but there is actually a science behind social interaction and ques and how they effect the comfort level and chemistry between individuals.
You can simplify if as much as you want by just saying "Ask her out, here are the possible outcomes." and that is fine, but really, if there is play room and things you should avoid doing and things you most certainly do demonstrating higher value is almost at the top of that list when you are presenting something to a consumer and it can translate very well into the dating scene as well.
The fact remains, that your presentation does effect whether she will say yes or no to a date.
Advice which shows insecure or dependent tendencies is just bad. Acting like you are lost when you really are not, might be cute and all, but not everyone is going to find it cute. Avoiding this method is your best bet simply because the OP is clearly not comfortable enough with the situation as it is.
Advice that shows security and independence is far better because it is universally accepted behavior, unless the girl is a complete slob on welfare and no drive to do anything and fine with someone who is just like her... since she is in one of his college classes, I will assume she is not.
So back to my initial advice
I've lived in my new city for two weeks and I've been on five dates in that time. Be confident and just do it.
Be aware of singing as if you were half dead,
or half asleep:
but lift your voice with strength.
Be no more afraid of your voice now,
nor more ashamed of its being heard,
than when you sang the songs of Satan.
Relationships are not video games, bro. You don't get laid just because you fulfill some nonsense criteria someone with too much time on their hands pulled out.
If you follow this advice there is a good chance she'll laugh at you because you're acting like a goof.
Just man up and ask her out, straight up. Don't be a creep about anime or whatever, and don't ever mention you play wizard poker. Keep those nerdy hobbies to yourself until you actually know this person. They are NOT socially respectable, and for good reason.
― Cormac McCarthy, Blood Meridian, or the Evening Redness in the West
Liking anime hasn't gotten me in trouble yet, but otherwise this
Play the Autoharp? Ride a unicycle? Cool. Don't base your flirtation around it.
Be aware of singing as if you were half dead,
or half asleep:
but lift your voice with strength.
Be no more afraid of your voice now,
nor more ashamed of its being heard,
than when you sang the songs of Satan.
This is the same advice I'd give as well. Getting to know the girl in question is the best way I've found to approach dating, rather than trying to ask her out "cold" (so-to-speak). Talk to her about her family, her interests, her aspirations, etc, like Dechs said if there's a connection the rest will come naturally.
See, I agree with you, but that's what I've done every time I've been in a similar situation and it's never worked out.
I think what you're saying and what Kamahl is saying is more or less the same. The "Don't be a creep about anime/don't tell about wizard poker" bit sounds more or less what Kamahl is saying: Be presentable.
Guys, I wouldn't necessarily follow what Kamahl is saying literally; rather, his post comes down to this: Be confidant. I mean, that's all it really is. Just don't be a pansy, and talk to her. Do try to be yourself, but man...if "yourself" is "Scared, shy, self-loathing," then boy you will not be getting any brownie points.
I wouldn't say "good" guys and "nice" guys (I hate the term) get friendzoned a lot because of acting too tough or acting like who they aren't. It's more that they all believe in this fantasy that you be best friends first and then over the years you become lovers. I've seen too many people fall into this trap. "Sorry, I see you more as a brother." GG
Yes it happens, and yes it can start out as friends first. What I'm trying to say is don't drag it out forever. You like her? Just make it clear to her. Yes yes, fine. Get to know them first or whatever. Be friends, hang out, do stuff together. That's fine. Just...ASK her out in the near future. Better sooner than later.
If you start dragging it out too long, either she isn't interested anymore or some other guy swoops in.
Dating is a good way to get to know someone. Dating isn't high romance, you're spending time with another person to see if you're compatible.
It sounds a lot like the PUA mind games that only really work on women with low self esteem.
Anyone who uses "friendzone" unironically is someone who needs to readjust their perception of the world.
― Cormac McCarthy, Blood Meridian, or the Evening Redness in the West
I suppose. I suppose yeah. If that is what he's saying then no I don't condone it; however I think the main takeaway is to put yourself out there. That's my take on it.
Honestly, I hate the term. It always feels like it's used as an excuse for their own shortcomings, or simply for having someone rejecting them.