Ok, so i got dumped last sunday by a girl who I was with for almost a year. It sucked, but I'm not one to let things get to me too hard. So, I moved on, and devloped an interest in this one girl in my youth group at church. Well, we were on a mission trip, I told her about my interest, and it seemed going good- she'd let me put my arms around her and hold her hand and stuff like that, then literally out of NOWHERE she just started avoiding me like the plague. One of my friends her her saying something about wanting a guy who "was equal and not whipped" and that I was a "bad flirter". alright, I'll admit I'm not the best conversationalist, but seriously? It was seriously like a 3 second mind switch. I have no idea why I like her, but I do. Like, do I talk to her about it, do I let it blow over, do I pretend like nothing is going on? I'm so like 100% confused. Maybe my bros at MTGS can give their opinions.
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I wouldn't waste my time on her if that's how she's going to act.
Just move on and try not to get any more attached than you already are, you'd just be putting yourself in a worse position and, in all honesty, trying for a girl that talked that badly about you would probably only make her think what she does even more.
Move on. It really will be OK. Find someone else or something else to think about. If you're still pining for her, things will only be more awkward.
As a church youth group tends to be a fairly small/tight community, it seems likely that you'll have to interact with her and her friends in the future. Be kind/courteous/polite. But don't be into her.
Try to disassociate from your feelings of betrayal and loss and treat this person like the friend she is. She probably has her reasons, you may want to know them, but it really doesn't change the reality right? It's not worth badgering about except to give yourself some peace of mind.
I've seen this happen before. People are fickle but their decision making in these interactions are also super personal so it's not like you know all the attributes going into the interaction and frankly you shouldn't expect to. She might not be all that attracted to you, and for some reason decided to take a wait and see approach that obviously roll out very well for her. These things don't always work out but you are a lot more likely to eventually get your friend back and maybe a little closure if you start treating this person like they aren't just a confusing symbol of your failure. You don't have to seem like a dink, but failed romance isn't something you want to define your relationship with someone.
My rule of thumb is to not pick up girls t church. Mainly, at your personal church. You do not want awkward moments with flings at your place of worship. Also, I find most the girls at church are crazy in the narcissistic and extremely controlling. Just my experience and not hating on church people. Look for the crazy eyes! Denotzo from NCIS said it best.
Which, incidentally, will make her go crazy for you. But I agree, don't get involved with flaky people (women or otherwise). It's not good for your blood pressure.
More than likely one of her friends said something to her.
I had that experience in High School, where a girls attitude towards me changed seemingly overnight from flirty to treating me like a stalker. It's not worth your time, don't get upset about it. You don't want to be with someone like that anyway.
Why does everyone think it is the girl's problem? Maybe she found out that you started showing interest in her less than a week after you got out of a year long relationship...
Why does everyone think it is the girl's problem? Maybe she found out that you started showing interest in her less than a week after you got out of a year long relationship...
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But, if she really did mood swing that fast, then it's her problem. Of course, we only have the OP's word for it, so he could be coloring it in his favor. Mostly, though, from experiencing other women, I would tend to believe him.
But, if she really did mood swing that fast, then it's her problem. Of course, we only have the OP's word for it, so he could be coloring it in his favor. Mostly, though, from experiencing other women, I would tend to believe him.
A lot of the time when someone feels lied to or betrayed by someone they really like, they will start to think or talk badly about the person. Not just women do this.... I'm pretty sure that is what prompted the sudden mood swing. You're right to say that she shouldn't be talking bad about him, but I think you could agree that it would be understandable if she found out that he was coming onto her so strong day(s) after getting out of a (serious?) long term relationship.
Maybe you shouldn't go from a year long relationship to putting the moves on some girl at church in four days. She probably picked up the vibe you're giving off.
Ok, so i got dumped last sunday by a girl who I was with for almost a year. It sucked, but I'm not one to let things get to me too hard. So, I moved on, and devloped an interest in this one girl in my youth group at church. Well, we were on a mission trip, I told her about my interest, and it seemed going good- she'd let me put my arms around her and hold her hand and stuff like that, then literally out of NOWHERE she just started avoiding me like the plague.
It happens.
do I let it blow over, do I pretend like nothing is going on?
Yes. Just move on.
Someone like that isn't worth the time.
Careful with this line of thinking. It might not be fair.
But, if she really did mood swing that fast, then it's her problem. Of course, we only have the OP's word for it, so he could be coloring it in his favor. Mostly, though, from experiencing other women, I would tend to believe him.
I do, too. Seen it happen, had it happen.
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"Sometimes, the situation is outracing a threat, sometimes it's ignoring it, and sometimes it involves sideboarding in 4x Hope//Pray." --Doug Linn
Case in point, you don't want to be with someone who already thinks of you as "whipped" and not equal to her based on what we are assuming is second hand information from a friend of hers talking about your previous relationship.
That's not saying you can't still treat your church group as well, your church group. Just let it roll off your shoulders. Don't hold any spite over the situation, just be happy that you probably have just dodged a bullet that would of stabbed you in the back sometime down the road.
Kraken, that was pretty useful advice actually.. went to church last night, and acted like everything was fine until it really was. It's a church group of like 50 other people, why should one person stop me from having fun? she tried to be a nuisance, but whenever she did I just went and chilled with my other friends. Problem solved!
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Just move on and try not to get any more attached than you already are, you'd just be putting yourself in a worse position and, in all honesty, trying for a girl that talked that badly about you would probably only make her think what she does even more.
As a church youth group tends to be a fairly small/tight community, it seems likely that you'll have to interact with her and her friends in the future. Be kind/courteous/polite. But don't be into her.
I've seen this happen before. People are fickle but their decision making in these interactions are also super personal so it's not like you know all the attributes going into the interaction and frankly you shouldn't expect to. She might not be all that attracted to you, and for some reason decided to take a wait and see approach that obviously roll out very well for her. These things don't always work out but you are a lot more likely to eventually get your friend back and maybe a little closure if you start treating this person like they aren't just a confusing symbol of your failure. You don't have to seem like a dink, but failed romance isn't something you want to define your relationship with someone.
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If she wants to feel petty and rude, then let her do that by herself. I wouldn't try going after this girl, she doesn't seem like a very nice person.
But heck what do I know.
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Which, incidentally, will make her go crazy for you. But I agree, don't get involved with flaky people (women or otherwise). It's not good for your blood pressure.
I had that experience in High School, where a girls attitude towards me changed seemingly overnight from flirty to treating me like a stalker. It's not worth your time, don't get upset about it. You don't want to be with someone like that anyway.
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Bros before garden implements.
But, if she really did mood swing that fast, then it's her problem. Of course, we only have the OP's word for it, so he could be coloring it in his favor. Mostly, though, from experiencing other women, I would tend to believe him.
A lot of the time when someone feels lied to or betrayed by someone they really like, they will start to think or talk badly about the person. Not just women do this.... I'm pretty sure that is what prompted the sudden mood swing. You're right to say that she shouldn't be talking bad about him, but I think you could agree that it would be understandable if she found out that he was coming onto her so strong day(s) after getting out of a (serious?) long term relationship.
It happens.
Yes. Just move on.
Careful with this line of thinking. It might not be fair.
I do, too. Seen it happen, had it happen.
"Sometimes, the situation is outracing a threat, sometimes it's ignoring it, and sometimes it involves sideboarding in 4x Hope//Pray." --Doug Linn
That's not saying you can't still treat your church group as well, your church group. Just let it roll off your shoulders. Don't hold any spite over the situation, just be happy that you probably have just dodged a bullet that would of stabbed you in the back sometime down the road.
Standard:Red Deck Wins
Frites- under construction (42/75 cards)
Legacy: Manaless dredge
Modern: ELVES!
EDH: Sliver Overlord