Around 3 months ago, my girlfriend of six months broke up with me. We see each other rather a lot- I basically have to sit next to her in homeroom (senior year of highschool).
The problem is that I'm still in love, or at least what I perceive to be love, with her. Due to the issues that led to the break-up (communication issues for the most part; she felt that I didn't talk to her enough, I felt ignored when I did), and the fact that I graduate in 2 months, its not worth trying to get together with her again.
The other big problem is that we're in the same circle of friends, so to hang out with them I have to be with her, which gives me this whole lead-ball-in-the-stomach feel.
Basically.. How do I get over this? How do I get rid of the pain upon seeing her? How do I get my emotional connections to stop hanging on her, and either became happily single or begin developing feelings for someone else? I don't know how normal this is, and I kinda worry about it.
Unfortunately for you, the best way would be cut off all communications. But you said you're a senior in high school, which means that if you're patient this will all pass and then you'll be off to college, which is awesome.
I know exactly how you feel, because after my ex dumped me (even though she cheated on me) she insisted on staying friends and that made me saw her making out with a bunch of different guys.
Originally posted by mondu_the_fat: One minute you're arguing about meatlof and the next thing you know someone's sex life is being dredged up.
My playgroup: four people total.
We use the Legacy B&R list.
My meta consists of combo, control and some aggro / midrange decks.
My group uses proxies, so budget is not an issue. Because of this, things can get out of hand.
I agree with him. Trying to remain friends is a common problem, and it's the stupidest idea ever. The people who can stay friends are the exceptions, not the rules. I find distance and a new girl are the best way to bury your woes, and I guarantee that college will get you both of those. So just ride out the storm, it's hard, it's going to suck. Bury your head in a distraction.
URGImperial AnimarGRU BRGProssh, Tokenmaker of KherGRB WURNarset NostalgicRUW UBR"I like your deck better" JelevaRBU UBlue BraidsU GAzusa, Lost but RampingG
WUHanna, Pillowfort's NavigatorUW WBRAleshacratsBRW UBRGrixis Pew PewRBU URGYasova the ThreateningGRU BGGlissa the ArticiferGB WUSygg MerfolkUW RSquee, Value NabobR
You will learn that relationsssss are of no ussssse, not true onesssss anyway... alwaysssss remember that itsssss alwaysssss about how ussssseful another persssssson can be. If all thisssss failssss, then turn them into a mindlessssss thrall... the honor of being one of the Compleat sssssshould make up for lack of free will and higher thinking...
Sorry, sometimes I just cant help myself.
That being said, I've been in a similar experience, and honestly, isolation is the best call... your going off to college next year. Chances are, you'll never see these high school losers you call friends again, just ditch them, find new friends if you can. If you can't, just be the awesome, suave loner for the rest of the year.
But take my advice with a grain of salt. I have barely any friends left because of this, and am probably looking at spending the next 3 years of my high school career in this state, so there is a downside... but for you, with only a short time before college, wipe the slate clean right now.
if you really don't want to do that, than maybe distract yourself with Magic, or videogames, or any hobbies you enjoy, until you find you dont really care about her anymore.
Hope at least some of my completely negative advice helps you! I know it sucks, but we humans (oops! You humans) have the ability to recover from this kind of trauma, and actually you can recover from it more quickly than you might currently think.
I feel for you bro, Me and my ex have to be in a 6 person class of chinese so I know how hard it can be when you still have feelings for her.
talk with her about how you are feeling maybe you will find a solutions that works for both of you. Being friends with your ex can be very hard but if you learn to just co-exist everything will be fine eventually
You only have 2 months of this left so it will be gone soon
I agree with him. Trying to remain friends is a common problem, and it's the stupidest idea ever. The people who can stay friends are the exceptions, not the rules.
I think it's a lot more nuanced than that. I'd be surprised if most would not function as friends given a sufficiently long period without contact in the middle. The difficulty is accepting the break-up and really feeling that it's over. If you're not over it, or the ex is not, then friendship is always a bad idea. If you both have resolved those feelings, attained closure, I think it's fully possible.
You're not over it yet, so I'd highly recommend isolating yourself from her as others have said. When you have common friends it's difficult, but it comes down to letting those friends know that you can't be around her for now and to work it out with them how to hang out without her. It's an uncomfortable situation for all involved, but that's the way things go.
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My anecdotal evidence disagrees with yours! EXPLAIN THAT!
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The problem is that I'm still in love, or at least what I perceive to be love, with her. Due to the issues that led to the break-up (communication issues for the most part; she felt that I didn't talk to her enough, I felt ignored when I did), and the fact that I graduate in 2 months, its not worth trying to get together with her again.
The other big problem is that we're in the same circle of friends, so to hang out with them I have to be with her, which gives me this whole lead-ball-in-the-stomach feel.
Basically.. How do I get over this? How do I get rid of the pain upon seeing her? How do I get my emotional connections to stop hanging on her, and either became happily single or begin developing feelings for someone else? I don't know how normal this is, and I kinda worry about it.
I know exactly how you feel, because after my ex dumped me (even though she cheated on me) she insisted on staying friends and that made me saw her making out with a bunch of different guys.
You can't really do anything.
EDIT: Other than distracting yourself, of course.
My playgroup: four people total.
We use the Legacy B&R list.
My meta consists of combo, control and some aggro / midrange decks.
My group uses proxies, so budget is not an issue. Because of this, things can get out of hand.
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Modern: BRGLiving EndGRB
Legacy: UBGShardless BUGGBU
BRGProssh, Tokenmaker of KherGRB
WURNarset NostalgicRUW
UBR"I like your deck better" JelevaRBU
UBlue BraidsU
GAzusa, Lost but RampingG
WBRAleshacratsBRW
UBRGrixis Pew PewRBU
URGYasova the ThreateningGRU
BGGlissa the ArticiferGB
WUSygg MerfolkUW
RSquee, Value NabobR
Sorry, sometimes I just cant help myself.
That being said, I've been in a similar experience, and honestly, isolation is the best call... your going off to college next year. Chances are, you'll never see these high school losers you call friends again, just ditch them, find new friends if you can. If you can't, just be the awesome, suave loner for the rest of the year.
But take my advice with a grain of salt. I have barely any friends left because of this, and am probably looking at spending the next 3 years of my high school career in this state, so there is a downside... but for you, with only a short time before college, wipe the slate clean right now.
if you really don't want to do that, than maybe distract yourself with Magic, or videogames, or any hobbies you enjoy, until you find you dont really care about her anymore.
Hope at least some of my completely negative advice helps you! I know it sucks, but we humans (oops! You humans) have the ability to recover from this kind of trauma, and actually you can recover from it more quickly than you might currently think.
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talk with her about how you are feeling maybe you will find a solutions that works for both of you. Being friends with your ex can be very hard but if you learn to just co-exist everything will be fine eventually
You only have 2 months of this left so it will be gone soon
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You're not over it yet, so I'd highly recommend isolating yourself from her as others have said. When you have common friends it's difficult, but it comes down to letting those friends know that you can't be around her for now and to work it out with them how to hang out without her. It's an uncomfortable situation for all involved, but that's the way things go.