@udnam7am: I wasn't seeking attention, I was actually debating on whether or not to do this thread. I have a lot of people here who don't like it and a lot that don't think it's a big deal. I was looking for some outside opinions.
@pokershark: She's not like the other kids. She actually doesn't really have many friends, I mean a few school friends but no real friends. I never said she was like super mature or anything. And yeah I guess I can be immature.
@SterlingAngel: She doesn't look up to me as this big older wiser person, just another person.
As I posted earlier, I was in the same situation and mine turned out perfectly fine. I would say go for it.
Do I believe that you are mentally challenged in some way? No. Do I believe that you are a pedobear? No. I took a lot of grief from first dating my wife. When I say a lot, I mean a lot. From friends, family and anyone that decided to say something. I had bets going on how long my relationship would last.
But, somehow, we ended up doing just fine 8 years later. There are times when people just click. It happens and you find the right person a lot earlier than you think. Also, there are times when you just get a good dose of puppy love.
Just be smart. It's not easy, especially as teenagers.
To those of you who consider her a child, you may as well refer to him in the same respect. They're both high schoolers.
No no no no. There is a difference between 14 and 18, a vast difference depending on the people. During adolescence, every year is a great deal of growth. An 18 year-old and a 14 year-old are not equals in that regard. All other things being equal, an 18 year-old will be more advanced in terms of personal development than a 14 year-old.
Studies show that today's young adults take longer to reach the psychological, social, and emotional milestones of adulthood than at any time in our past. One yardstick for this is age of leaving the parental home. 30 years ago, it was not uncommon for 18-year-olds to be leaving the home and going off to college, or out into the work force. Now, the average age at which people take on their first rent check is 24 or so. Some of it is due to the recent economy, but the trendlines over the last couple boom-bust cycles suggest it would have increased anyway.
To this end, think about the psychosocial milestones a 14-year-old in this milieu is likely to have reached.
Many 25-year-olds I know aren't capable of the level of abstract critical thinking and self-discipline, prioritization, and judgment their parents were at their age.
I don't know this girl. She may seem very mature for her age. Both physically and psychosocially. But as I said before, avoid the appearance of wrongdoing.
Society and the law will not stop to ask her if she's more mature than the average 14-year-old. They will assume she is as most 14-year-olds - immature and impressionable, capable of understanding only the most concrete and immediate consequences for her actions, thinking barely one step ahead.
Blue ghost, no your not a bad person IMO. yes she's younger, but your not having sex so their's no broken laws. plus if a broken heart will scar her for life, she's destined to get one of those eventually (cuz basically everyone does).
if you and her are ok with it, you not breaking any laws, upsetting anyone, it seems fine to me.
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It's really weird. There's no reason someone 18 years old should be dating a 14-year-old, especially if it's your friend's sister.
Not to sound mean, but if I was your friend I would beat you up.
What does he think of all of this?
It's really weird. There's no reason someone 18 years old should be dating a 14-year-old, especially if it's your friend's sister.
Not to sound mean, but if I was your friend I would beat you up.
What does he think of all of this?
Well my friend isn't a he it's a she, and she's ok with it as long as I treat her well and don't have sex with her.
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Dating a 14-year-old is illegal here in Denmark, at least if you're 18 or older. Actually, you can end up in prison. However, I don't think you're a bad person. If you love her, and she loves you, just keep it going.
it's illegal? to date someone? even if they aren't having sex? wow
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it's illegal? to date someone? even if they aren't having sex? wow
Sad, isn't it? This is why I'm not a big fan of society sometimes. But before I get into a Hannibal Lecture (look it up on TV Tropes!), I'll actually post something relevant to the topic at hand.
If you two really believe you love each other, I see no reason to exit the relationship. Granted, having sex with a 14 year old is something that I would not endorse, but you've said that you aren't having sex with her, so that is a moot point. I'd say have fun, if you two are in love, good for you.
Your 18 bro, If your not having sex with her, what are you doing. Don't tell me your already more mature that you dont need to have sex. I say you should be with a woman that your comfortable having sex with because, like it or not, it is a big part of any relationship.
I feel like your wasting a great time in your sex life (high school senior) by being stuck with a girl you cant/dont want to have sex with.
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Your 18 bro, If your not having sex with her, what are you doing. Don't tell me your already more mature that you dont need to have sex. I say you should be with a woman that your comfortable having sex with because, like it or not, it is a big part of any relationship.
I feel like your wasting a great time in your sex life (high school senior) by being stuck with a girl you cant/dont want to have sex with.
Isn't being more mature a good thing?
That makes a relationship stronger.
Your 18 bro, If your not having sex with her, what are you doing. Don't tell me your already more mature that you dont need to have sex.
QFT PLEASE. I can understand the joy you can get out of reading a nice book or enjoying a peaceful walk with your other though.
Honestly, at 18, sex is a big thing in a relationship. I wouldn't be comfortable, but if you say it's legal and you like her, then date away.
My current woman was 13 when she lost her virginity. Her boyfreind was 18.
Im not saying you are going to have sex with her (and despite you saying you dont want to, or its not that focused on it now, you will be eventually; your a maturing adult male) as they have said before, there are things you can do that can scar her. He used to cheat on her all the time because he couldn't get it from her. (She strongly claims he was loving and did all he could for her, even to this day. and shes 19 now >_>) Eventually she gave it up, and that led into a terrible whirlwind of going in and out of terrible short term relationships, and not being able to seperate like/love from sex, and being used by at least 3-4 guys from our school (SENIORS IN THE HIGHSCHOOL, for all of you who are and see nothing wrong with it) Followed by a terrible reputation for it. (I had to fight a couple people over that too. I still have a scar under my right eye) I'm not saying all her BF's in high school were bad, but guys tend to brag, and it tends to get around like wildfire.
I've been her friend since freshman year, going to her to counseling and etc. having to help her deal with suicidal fits from emotional distress. I'm 100% sure she'd be a nice cultured girl if she wasn't a mess.
All for a guy who saw being with her as just another crappy relationship, and moved on.
My old Bestfriends sister is worse. She has a baby and no one to support her, and she's 16.
I'm not saying this will ever be you, but for everyone saying "WTF CUD HAPEN" here's an example. If the rammifications aren't emotional, it can be physical or social. I know people might say/think bad things about you, but what about your girl? Are you okay with that?
It's understandable blue control players would be shocked and in denial at the notion of this card, since their decks have been dominating multiple formats for an eternity yet they've curiously never once had to deal with any counter-hosers that weren't ineffectual, narrow CRAP.
I think that it's wrong. At 14 there still a minor while at 18 your considered and adult. But legality issues aside, you dated your best friends sister? Not to mention is little sister? I don't know about you but if I dated my best friends little sister he would be pissed off. I don't know if I'm sounding harsh but it's just something I don't agree with.
My GOD this has become a flame thread.
If you think OP is wrong, you don't have to be so harsh about it.
I, however do not think this is wrong. There is a lot of negative stigma about it, but women used to marry older men at the age of 13 and were expected to have children, and somehow it wasn't viewed as horrible back then. It's all stigma and ignorance. If you can have a meaningful relationship with someone, wouldn't it be a greater injustice to terminate the relationship just because a couple of closed-minded people didn't agree with you?
wow just wow.
are you serious dude, after a few times where you cant get her in a rated r movie or go to the club you want cuz shes to young, thlen you will understand.
really its kinda creepy for a 18 year old to be into a real CHILD my cousin was being used like this and it ☺☺☺☺ed her up. she turned into a full blown lezbo cuz of it lolo
wow just wow.
are you serious dude, after a few times where you cant get her in a rated r movie or go to the club you want cuz shes to young, thlen you will understand.
really its kinda creepy for a 18 year old to be into a real CHILD my cousin was being used like this and it ☺☺☺☺ed her up. she turned into a full blown lezbo cuz of it lolo
the psychological damage is crazy.
How does my relationship have anything in common with your cousins other than the age thing? You have no other details other than age so why do you assume she is being used?
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Im 17 senior in highschool, hes 18 hes basically a senior in high school dating a freshman. it happens all the time. From being in highschool you notice how a girl changes from being the daddy girl into being a SL*T. If thats what you guys mean she hasnt "matured". I personally dont see any wrong doing in life most people grown up have 2 years in between each other age, but there is tons of others who are like 5+ years or 10. 4 years isn't that huge but it is something. I can see where people are coming from but she has a choice and hes not taking advantage of her.
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Well, if there is genuine feelings associated, that wouldn't go away if you stop viewing her as a prospect, i'd say ask first, explain that you have respect for her, and will take it slower than you probably should.
IF that fails, tough titties tommy.
I think the bigger issue at hand is that you're going to college while she's still staying behind. That might be quite the turning point if you don't handle things well with the whole "long distance" thing. I've seen it work, but it takes 2 to make it work out, so that might be an issue with her being like 14 years old. If she is as mature as you're saying she is, this should be no problem. I must also warn you that you are in love, and therefore you are also blind minute details such as maturity.
In terms of sex: stay away and you'll be fine. Legally they can't do anything to you if you don't touch her for another 4 years. Honestly, if you are in love with each other that much, 4 years shouldn't be that big of a deal. Heck, I'm abstinent for months at a time because I'm in medical school outside of the country. Look, EVEN under the condition where you have so much sexual tension, to put it bluntly, there is always your right hand.
As to morally whether you're a bad person or not, I cannot fault you for liking a girl 4 years your junior. The moral line I would draw is, however, sexual intercourse.
wow just wow.
are you serious dude, after a few times where you cant get her in a rated r movie or go to the club you want cuz shes to young, thlen you will understand.
really its kinda creepy for a 18 year old to be into a real CHILD my cousin was being used like this and it ☺☺☺☺ed her up. she turned into a full blown lezbo cuz of it lolo
the psychological damage is crazy.
while you might find it creepy, that wasn't the point of this thread. he was asking along the line of is he a bad guy or not (is this right or wrong), not am i a creep for doing this.
also, dating older men doesn't make you gay/lesbian. that's a personal choice in people. you don't get turned gay or turned ungay (according to courses out their :facepalm:)
Blue_Ghost4: if your ok with this, and she is along with her sister/parents, there is nothing to worry about. as long as you aren't breaking any state laws/hurting her your fine. just have fun and take care of her.
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@chubbz: Thanx.
@Kenny "Lan" Karasu: Good points. I never think long distance works but I'll be going to a community college so I won't be going away. And on sex, I couldn't be touched legally even if we did have sex according to my state law, but we don't because I also believe we should wait till she's older.
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BG You know what... my mother is 51 my father is... 47. That is a 5 year difference. She was 30 him 25 when they started living together and I would imagine that they were dating before that. That is society, they don't give a flying fudgecake if both parties are over 18... but is one is under then it becomes the biggest scandal in the world. Look, don't sex with her until she is of age, treat her with respect, and understand that she is still figuring things out in life. Don't let her talk you into sex either Females do have a sex drive too, men.
And by the way people, I have been in a relationship for 7 years, 7 damned long years... My love is older than me by 6 months but guess what? We met in 7th grade started dating in 8th grade, and I can say from that experience, yeah it isn't fully love at that young of an age, but it is love, and it is there. To say that a 14 year old can't fully love someone is crue, why don't you look at the history books and realize that 13 used to be the age females started looking for a family (well, maybe not looking) Even if it isn't quite like the mature love of an adult relationship she can grow with him. As you get older those puppy love feelings develop into a burning love. Being 19, I can not live my life any longer without this man. Love exists in high and middle school but adults tend to not believe it, since it is rare.
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We're not questioning whether women have a sex drive or not (obviously they do), but rather on how to handle sexuality in general. I agree that he shouldn't be talked into it.
And by the way people, I have been in a relationship for 7 years, 7 damned long years... My love is older than me by 6 months but guess what? We met in 7th grade started dating in 8th grade, and I can say from that experience, yeah it isn't fully love at that young of an age, but it is love, and it is there. To say that a 14 year old can't fully love someone is crue, why don't you look at the history books and realize that 13 used to be the age females started looking for a family (well, maybe not looking) Even if it isn't quite like the mature love of an adult relationship she can grow with him. As you get older those puppy love feelings develop into a burning love. Being 19, I can not live my life any longer without this man. Love exists in high and middle school but adults tend to not believe it, since it is rare.
That's...basically it. Maturity is an issue behind everything you said here. It does matter on maturity and the difference between your "puppy love" and your "burning love". Honestly, I think the advice I gave him was simply common sense anyway.
@pokershark: She's not like the other kids. She actually doesn't really have many friends, I mean a few school friends but no real friends. I never said she was like super mature or anything. And yeah I guess I can be immature.
@SterlingAngel: She doesn't look up to me as this big older wiser person, just another person.
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Do I believe that you are mentally challenged in some way? No. Do I believe that you are a pedobear? No. I took a lot of grief from first dating my wife. When I say a lot, I mean a lot. From friends, family and anyone that decided to say something. I had bets going on how long my relationship would last.
But, somehow, we ended up doing just fine 8 years later. There are times when people just click. It happens and you find the right person a lot earlier than you think. Also, there are times when you just get a good dose of puppy love.
Just be smart. It's not easy, especially as teenagers.
No no no no. There is a difference between 14 and 18, a vast difference depending on the people. During adolescence, every year is a great deal of growth. An 18 year-old and a 14 year-old are not equals in that regard. All other things being equal, an 18 year-old will be more advanced in terms of personal development than a 14 year-old.
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To this end, think about the psychosocial milestones a 14-year-old in this milieu is likely to have reached.
Many 25-year-olds I know aren't capable of the level of abstract critical thinking and self-discipline, prioritization, and judgment their parents were at their age.
I don't know this girl. She may seem very mature for her age. Both physically and psychosocially. But as I said before, avoid the appearance of wrongdoing.
Society and the law will not stop to ask her if she's more mature than the average 14-year-old. They will assume she is as most 14-year-olds - immature and impressionable, capable of understanding only the most concrete and immediate consequences for her actions, thinking barely one step ahead.
Heck I can remember being like that at 18.
if you and her are ok with it, you not breaking any laws, upsetting anyone, it seems fine to me.
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Not to sound mean, but if I was your friend I would beat you up.
What does he think of all of this?
Well my friend isn't a he it's a she, and she's ok with it as long as I treat her well and don't have sex with her.
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it's illegal? to date someone? even if they aren't having sex? wow
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Sad, isn't it? This is why I'm not a big fan of society sometimes. But before I get into a Hannibal Lecture (look it up on TV Tropes!), I'll actually post something relevant to the topic at hand.
If you two really believe you love each other, I see no reason to exit the relationship. Granted, having sex with a 14 year old is something that I would not endorse, but you've said that you aren't having sex with her, so that is a moot point. I'd say have fun, if you two are in love, good for you.
I feel like your wasting a great time in your sex life (high school senior) by being stuck with a girl you cant/dont want to have sex with.
Isn't being more mature a good thing?
That makes a relationship stronger.
QFT PLEASE. I can understand the joy you can get out of reading a nice book or enjoying a peaceful walk with your other though.
Honestly, at 18, sex is a big thing in a relationship. I wouldn't be comfortable, but if you say it's legal and you like her, then date away.
My current woman was 13 when she lost her virginity. Her boyfreind was 18.
Im not saying you are going to have sex with her (and despite you saying you dont want to, or its not that focused on it now, you will be eventually; your a maturing adult male) as they have said before, there are things you can do that can scar her. He used to cheat on her all the time because he couldn't get it from her. (She strongly claims he was loving and did all he could for her, even to this day. and shes 19 now >_>) Eventually she gave it up, and that led into a terrible whirlwind of going in and out of terrible short term relationships, and not being able to seperate like/love from sex, and being used by at least 3-4 guys from our school (SENIORS IN THE HIGHSCHOOL, for all of you who are and see nothing wrong with it) Followed by a terrible reputation for it. (I had to fight a couple people over that too. I still have a scar under my right eye) I'm not saying all her BF's in high school were bad, but guys tend to brag, and it tends to get around like wildfire.
I've been her friend since freshman year, going to her to counseling and etc. having to help her deal with suicidal fits from emotional distress. I'm 100% sure she'd be a nice cultured girl if she wasn't a mess.
All for a guy who saw being with her as just another crappy relationship, and moved on.
My old Bestfriends sister is worse. She has a baby and no one to support her, and she's 16.
I'm not saying this will ever be you, but for everyone saying "WTF CUD HAPEN" here's an example. If the rammifications aren't emotional, it can be physical or social. I know people might say/think bad things about you, but what about your girl? Are you okay with that?
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If you think OP is wrong, you don't have to be so harsh about it.
I, however do not think this is wrong. There is a lot of negative stigma about it, but women used to marry older men at the age of 13 and were expected to have children, and somehow it wasn't viewed as horrible back then. It's all stigma and ignorance. If you can have a meaningful relationship with someone, wouldn't it be a greater injustice to terminate the relationship just because a couple of closed-minded people didn't agree with you?
are you serious dude, after a few times where you cant get her in a rated r movie or go to the club you want cuz shes to young, thlen you will understand.
really its kinda creepy for a 18 year old to be into a real CHILD my cousin was being used like this and it ☺☺☺☺ed her up. she turned into a full blown lezbo cuz of it lolo
the psychological damage is crazy.
How does my relationship have anything in common with your cousins other than the age thing? You have no other details other than age so why do you assume she is being used?
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Im 17 senior in highschool, hes 18 hes basically a senior in high school dating a freshman. it happens all the time. From being in highschool you notice how a girl changes from being the daddy girl into being a SL*T. If thats what you guys mean she hasnt "matured". I personally dont see any wrong doing in life most people grown up have 2 years in between each other age, but there is tons of others who are like 5+ years or 10. 4 years isn't that huge but it is something. I can see where people are coming from but she has a choice and hes not taking advantage of her.
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IF that fails, tough titties tommy.
In terms of sex: stay away and you'll be fine. Legally they can't do anything to you if you don't touch her for another 4 years. Honestly, if you are in love with each other that much, 4 years shouldn't be that big of a deal. Heck, I'm abstinent for months at a time because I'm in medical school outside of the country. Look, EVEN under the condition where you have so much sexual tension, to put it bluntly, there is always your right hand.
As to morally whether you're a bad person or not, I cannot fault you for liking a girl 4 years your junior. The moral line I would draw is, however, sexual intercourse.
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while you might find it creepy, that wasn't the point of this thread. he was asking along the line of is he a bad guy or not (is this right or wrong), not am i a creep for doing this.
also, dating older men doesn't make you gay/lesbian. that's a personal choice in people. you don't get turned gay or turned ungay (according to courses out their :facepalm:)
Blue_Ghost4: if your ok with this, and she is along with her sister/parents, there is nothing to worry about. as long as you aren't breaking any state laws/hurting her your fine. just have fun and take care of her.
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@Kenny "Lan" Karasu: Good points. I never think long distance works but I'll be going to a community college so I won't be going away. And on sex, I couldn't be touched legally even if we did have sex according to my state law, but we don't because I also believe we should wait till she's older.
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And by the way people, I have been in a relationship for 7 years, 7 damned long years... My love is older than me by 6 months but guess what? We met in 7th grade started dating in 8th grade, and I can say from that experience, yeah it isn't fully love at that young of an age, but it is love, and it is there. To say that a 14 year old can't fully love someone is crue, why don't you look at the history books and realize that 13 used to be the age females started looking for a family (well, maybe not looking) Even if it isn't quite like the mature love of an adult relationship she can grow with him. As you get older those puppy love feelings develop into a burning love. Being 19, I can not live my life any longer without this man. Love exists in high and middle school but adults tend to not believe it, since it is rare.
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We're not questioning whether women have a sex drive or not (obviously they do), but rather on how to handle sexuality in general. I agree that he shouldn't be talked into it.
That's...basically it. Maturity is an issue behind everything you said here. It does matter on maturity and the difference between your "puppy love" and your "burning love". Honestly, I think the advice I gave him was simply common sense anyway.
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