This poll is all over the place. I think 4-5 years is the maximum ideal age, but apparently, a large group of people feel a decade difference doesn't matter. I can't believe people would support a couple with that much age difference. This isn't celebrity dating here. In real life, that's pretty awkward (unless you live in the 1500s =) ).
It's not your place to "support a couple with that much of age difference." Frankly, it doesn't concern you at all. Why do you care if two people 10 years apart decide to have a romantic relationship?
There shouldn't even be a discussion about this, in my opinion. If two people are old enough to comprehend the situation, the only thing that matters is the thoughts, personalities and feelings of those two people.
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JollytheOctopuss, I agree with everything you've said. When the ideal of beauty is to look as much like a teenager as possible, it's ridiculous that it would be "wrong" to be attracted to an *actual* teenager. I, personally, think that age of consent laws are a nothing more than an example of the government meddling in people's private affairs (yeah, I'm a libertarian). YES, a relationship between a 15 year old and a 30 year old can be abusive. But you know what? So can a relationship between two 30 year olds. Age has nothing to do with it, and creating these artificial divisions between age groups where anyone under a certain age is sexless and innocent, but anyone older than that is automatically experienced and capable is ... just so mind-bogglingly nonsensical. I've known thirteen year olds who would be canny enough to put the moves on adults, and I've known adults who were completely clueless - myself included. I'm 20 now, and recently I dated a 17-year old who broke up with me because I was too clueless about what I wanted or needed from the relationship. He expected me to be the one who knew what to do just because I was older, but you can't make generalizations about people based on age. It just doesn't work that way.
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You know im all for letting people be who they want to be and love who they want to love, but i think that its a issue for anyone under 16. In most cases people shouldn't be seriously dating under 16 because they have no sense of what true love is, let alone a real commitment. It is a life choice that should be taken on a case by case basis, but at some point dont you have to look at the logical amount of time you will have with eachother? If your 60 and your dating a 25 year old (which happens) doesnt the 25 yr old have to look at the fact the spending you life with this much older person is much different than them spending the rest of their life with the 25 yr old. Personally i think there is a gap that makes it wierd in my eyes but i believe in letting people live their own lives.
You know im all for letting people be who they want to be and love who they want to love, but i think that its a issue for anyone under 16. In most cases people shouldn't be seriously dating under 16 because they have no sense of what true love is, let alone a real commitment. It is a life choice that should be taken on a case by case basis, but at some point dont you have to look at the logical amount of time you will have with eachother? If your 60 and your dating a 25 year old (which happens) doesnt the 25 yr old have to look at the fact the spending you life with this much older person is much different than them spending the rest of their life with the 25 yr old. Personally i think there is a gap that makes it wierd in my eyes but i believe in letting people live their own lives.
Yeah. I would never date anybody that much older than me. Personally, I'd probably keep the limit 2-3 years younger or older than me. But, that's just me, and everybody should be free to set their own limits.
As for "under 16", it gets murky. Obviously there gets a point where a kid doesn't have any grasp of what a relationship really is, but it's really hard to set an arbitrary line.
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Age is not a factor hindering a relationship other then how it will affect your children/ having children. Even then its pretty straightforward: either you don't care and aren't shallow or you need to stop and re-evaluate how you pre-judge your potential partners based on their age.
I'm on the side of however much, as long as you know what you are doing kind of thing. Michigan statutory laws are actually pretty good on this: 16-17 with over 21, 18 is your own damn business. I could see a further bottom end on the 16-17 range (maybe 14-15 with under 19?), but that sounds as close as laws are going to get to being openly correct.
As for optimal (as it says in the question), you would probably want the years where you are actually capabable of reproduction and most likely to do it to synch up and for the younger person to be past their prime years when the other person died, so probably 20-25 years max for men being younger and 25-39 for women being younger. But thats just biologically optimal.
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well i normally dont have a problem with age gaps... as long as they are no moe tha 10 years anythign further seems kinda iffy to me but thats my perception, i know its not something that abides to everyone and as such i dont impose it on others... there are scenarios though that uterly disgust me though... i have seen girls no older than 25 dating men in their 60's if not more... i can understand if you date someone who is as old as your father-daugther (im assuming the guy is the older party)... but is really icky when it seems you are dating your 'just out of college' granddaughter... those situations at a glance seem like goldiggin to me but if one is truly happy that way then who am i to judge right?
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Like how a 12 year old and a 17 year old isn't right, but a 35 year old and a 40 year old is fine, even though both couples have five years seperating them.
A high school freshman and a high school senior (3 years difference, likey 13 and 16) is ok...
* I'm assuming senior in high school
... but a 4 year old difference (likely 16 and 20) is out of hand?
and yet
a 1 or 2 year difference (16 to 17/18, which is less the 3 year difference in the first example), is ok "in some cases" and/or "depends on their maturity".
This is a perfect example of the completely arbitrary nature of trying to come up with an "maximum age gap".
I checked up on your profile, and I noticed that you've been out of high school for a while. Let me catch you up. Freshman-Sometimes 14, usually 15. Seniors-Usually, 17, sometimes 18. Freshman are not 13 (Way too young to be dating a high school student), and seniors are not 16 (dude, when did you start college?).
In my school, that is just how it is. In other schools, there might be younger seniors and older freshman, and the opposite. It really differs.
You said that high school age differences and college-high school age differences are the same. No they aren't. In high school, you see your boyfriend/girlfriend every day. In college-high school, depending on the proximity of the schools, it may be weeks until you see each other. Plus, its easier to connect in high school. You can hang with your friends and their friends. In college, you are the odd man out, because of the difference in age. Its not just the maturity (I realize that it differs between people), but the bonding. Isn't it much harder to create a relationship with someone when you see them a few times a month as opposed to every day? Plus, it is easier to trust someone you are around all the time, and when a bf/gf is in college, do you really think that they are going to be faithful all of the time?
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I checked up on your profile, and I noticed that you've been out of high school for a while. Let me catch you up. Freshman-Sometimes 14, usually 15. Seniors-Usually, 17, sometimes 18. Freshman are not 13 (Way too young to be dating a high school student), and seniors are not 16 (dude, when did you start college?).
So:
Freshman highschool -- 14/15
Senior highschool -- 17/18
Freshman college -- 18/19
senior college -- 21/22
However, it doesn't matter:
your first example: high school freshman, high school senior -- difference, 3-4 years; "ok"
your second example: highschool senior, college senior -- difference, 4-5 years; "out of hand"
your third example: high school senior, college freshman -- difference, 1/2 years: "depends on maturity of person"
The exact ages are irrevelant. What is relevant is that for you, a difference of 3-4 years is ok, 4-5 years not ok, 1-2 years "depends".
If you wish to confuse the topic with issues of proximity and findelity, that's your decision. When you labelled something "out of hand", matters of wheteher they see each other every day or whether one is faithful to another becomes moot -- in your eyes, the relationship is already inappropriate, whether or not they can pull the relationship off in the long run.
I know of several schools were the college and the highschool are held within the same campus. If this were the case, would you change your mind about it? If the answer is no, then you're just being stubborn, and given the arbitrary value of what is "ok", "out of hand", and "depends", and a bit hypocritical. If the answer is yes, then it isn't the age difference, but a problem with long-distance relationships.
As opposed to most people who suggest a number, I would suggest an equation that would fit these numbers instead:
-14: No (serious) dating
14-16: 1-2 years
16-20: 1-3 years
20-30: 1-5 years
30+: 1-8 years
Since its REALLY late, I can't think of anything yet, but if I remember this thread later today Ill write the equation. The thing im trying to get at is that its not the actual age difference, but the % of one person's age that the other person is (which increases as both people get older). Using this type of logic, it would be ok for a 8 year difference in a 30 year old, but only a 1 year difference in a 16 year old.
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Freshman highschool -- 14/15
Senior highschool -- 17/18
Freshman college -- 18/19
senior college -- 21/22
However, it doesn't matter:
your first example: high school freshman, high school senior -- difference, 3-4 years; "ok"
your second example: highschool senior, college senior -- difference, 4-5 years; "out of hand"
your third example: high school senior, college freshman -- difference, 1/2 years: "depends on maturity of person"
The exact ages are irrevelant. What is relevant is that for you, a difference of 3-4 years is ok, 4-5 years not ok, 1-2 years "depends".
If you wish to confuse the topic with issues of proximity and findelity, that's your decision. When you labelled something "out of hand", matters of wheteher they see each other every day or whether one is faithful to another becomes moot -- in your eyes, the relationship is already inappropriate, whether or not they can pull the relationship off in the long run.
I know of several schools were the college and the highschool are held within the same campus. If this were the case, would you change your mind about it? If the answer is no, then you're just being stubborn, and given the arbitrary value of what is "ok", "out of hand", and "depends", and a bit hypocritical. If the answer is yes, then it isn't the age difference, but a problem with long-distance relationships.
It is obviously a different situation when the location of the schools are in a close proximity (it is still irrelevant for middle school students, because I happen to think they are too young.
The two people that have quoted me so far are hung up on my age discrepancies. Yet, in my two previous posts, I think that it is clear that the maturity of the student matters a great deal, and the age is only a guideline.
I want to address everyone who thinks that high school seniors can have a serious relationship with college seniors. Are you kidding me? How can someone who doesn't even know that they want to do in life possibly relate to someone who is trying to create a career and a future? So you think that a graduate law student can establish a TRUE bond with some kid that has freshman economics? It is about the stages in life people. When you are just starting college, you don't want to get involved with someone that has no time for you because they are trying to find a way to balance their hospital internship and their Pre-Med exams. You want someone on the same page as you are; someone that wants to have fun and be social.
IT IS NOT ALL ABOUT THE AGE! Please, I'm tired of people calling me out on this. If you want to retort, make sure you understand what I've written (re-read it once or twice), THEN talk to me.
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I want to address everyone who thinks that high school seniors can have a serious relationship with college seniors. Are you kidding me? How can someone who doesn't even know that they want to do in life possibly relate to someone who is trying to create a career and a future?
How do you know the high school senior doesn't know what they want to do in life?
So you think that a graduate law student can establish a TRUE bond with some kid that has freshman economics?
I don't see why what you're studying affects how bonds are created between two people.
It is about the stages in life people. When you are just starting college, you don't want to get involved with someone that has no time for you because they are trying to find a way to balance their hospital internship and their Pre-Med exams. You want someone on the same page as you are; someone that wants to have fun and be social.
You don't get to decide what other people want.
You're right. It has nothing to do with the age. It has everything to do with the two individual people, what they want, their maturity level, what they can deal with, and their own choices.
People need to stop trying to fit love into a mathmatical equation and stop caring about the relationships of other people. Let people decide for themselves.
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It's not your place to "support a couple with that much of age difference." Frankly, it doesn't concern you at all. Why do you care if two people 10 years apart decide to have a romantic relationship?
There shouldn't even be a discussion about this, in my opinion. If two people are old enough to comprehend the situation, the only thing that matters is the thoughts, personalities and feelings of those two people.
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Yeah. I would never date anybody that much older than me. Personally, I'd probably keep the limit 2-3 years younger or older than me. But, that's just me, and everybody should be free to set their own limits.
As for "under 16", it gets murky. Obviously there gets a point where a kid doesn't have any grasp of what a relationship really is, but it's really hard to set an arbitrary line.
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As for optimal (as it says in the question), you would probably want the years where you are actually capabable of reproduction and most likely to do it to synch up and for the younger person to be past their prime years when the other person died, so probably 20-25 years max for men being younger and 25-39 for women being younger. But thats just biologically optimal.
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Like how a 12 year old and a 17 year old isn't right, but a 35 year old and a 40 year old is fine, even though both couples have five years seperating them.
I checked up on your profile, and I noticed that you've been out of high school for a while. Let me catch you up. Freshman-Sometimes 14, usually 15. Seniors-Usually, 17, sometimes 18. Freshman are not 13 (Way too young to be dating a high school student), and seniors are not 16 (dude, when did you start college?).
In my school, that is just how it is. In other schools, there might be younger seniors and older freshman, and the opposite. It really differs.
You said that high school age differences and college-high school age differences are the same. No they aren't. In high school, you see your boyfriend/girlfriend every day. In college-high school, depending on the proximity of the schools, it may be weeks until you see each other. Plus, its easier to connect in high school. You can hang with your friends and their friends. In college, you are the odd man out, because of the difference in age. Its not just the maturity (I realize that it differs between people), but the bonding. Isn't it much harder to create a relationship with someone when you see them a few times a month as opposed to every day? Plus, it is easier to trust someone you are around all the time, and when a bf/gf is in college, do you really think that they are going to be faithful all of the time?
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So:
Freshman highschool -- 14/15
Senior highschool -- 17/18
Freshman college -- 18/19
senior college -- 21/22
However, it doesn't matter:
your first example: high school freshman, high school senior -- difference, 3-4 years; "ok"
your second example: highschool senior, college senior -- difference, 4-5 years; "out of hand"
your third example: high school senior, college freshman -- difference, 1/2 years: "depends on maturity of person"
The exact ages are irrevelant. What is relevant is that for you, a difference of 3-4 years is ok, 4-5 years not ok, 1-2 years "depends".
If you wish to confuse the topic with issues of proximity and findelity, that's your decision. When you labelled something "out of hand", matters of wheteher they see each other every day or whether one is faithful to another becomes moot -- in your eyes, the relationship is already inappropriate, whether or not they can pull the relationship off in the long run.
I know of several schools were the college and the highschool are held within the same campus. If this were the case, would you change your mind about it? If the answer is no, then you're just being stubborn, and given the arbitrary value of what is "ok", "out of hand", and "depends", and a bit hypocritical. If the answer is yes, then it isn't the age difference, but a problem with long-distance relationships.
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-14: No (serious) dating
14-16: 1-2 years
16-20: 1-3 years
20-30: 1-5 years
30+: 1-8 years
Since its REALLY late, I can't think of anything yet, but if I remember this thread later today Ill write the equation. The thing im trying to get at is that its not the actual age difference, but the % of one person's age that the other person is (which increases as both people get older). Using this type of logic, it would be ok for a 8 year difference in a 30 year old, but only a 1 year difference in a 16 year old.
Night night >_>;
It is obviously a different situation when the location of the schools are in a close proximity (it is still irrelevant for middle school students, because I happen to think they are too young.
The two people that have quoted me so far are hung up on my age discrepancies. Yet, in my two previous posts, I think that it is clear that the maturity of the student matters a great deal, and the age is only a guideline.
I want to address everyone who thinks that high school seniors can have a serious relationship with college seniors. Are you kidding me? How can someone who doesn't even know that they want to do in life possibly relate to someone who is trying to create a career and a future? So you think that a graduate law student can establish a TRUE bond with some kid that has freshman economics? It is about the stages in life people. When you are just starting college, you don't want to get involved with someone that has no time for you because they are trying to find a way to balance their hospital internship and their Pre-Med exams. You want someone on the same page as you are; someone that wants to have fun and be social.
IT IS NOT ALL ABOUT THE AGE! Please, I'm tired of people calling me out on this. If you want to retort, make sure you understand what I've written (re-read it once or twice), THEN talk to me.
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How do you know the high school senior doesn't know what they want to do in life?
I don't see why what you're studying affects how bonds are created between two people.
You don't get to decide what other people want.
You're right. It has nothing to do with the age. It has everything to do with the two individual people, what they want, their maturity level, what they can deal with, and their own choices.
People need to stop trying to fit love into a mathmatical equation and stop caring about the relationships of other people. Let people decide for themselves.
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