Im taking a photography class and i needed to borrow a tripod from my GF's friends boyfriend who is a pro photographer. Now i dont know the guy and ive never met him but my Gf and the rest of my friends say he is not a good person (a donkey's behind if you will), but ive never met him so i cant say anything about that and i wouldnt judge him till ive actually met him. So i asked her to ask her boyfriend and apparently he said yes, so when i go pick it up friday afternoon my friend explains to me that this was his only tripod and that he uses it for work. I told her that i understood and that i will take care of it like it was my child. She kept stressing it over and over again and i told her that i would bring it back in one piece. I thanked her and off i went.
So today (saturday) i get a text message asking me to bring the tripod back. i was a bit confused because we never mentioned when i was to bring it back but i understood that he might needed it for something related to his job. So i call my friend and and i ask her if she needs the tripod back because i still needed to use it for one more day.
She quickly gives the phone to her BF and he starts talking to me in a kinda stern voice. He asked me if i still needed the tripod and i said yes, and that i would return it tomorrow to his GF (my friend) in the morning. HE says ok and continues to talk to me about how that was his only tripod and he uses it for work. I answer by saying that i totally understood his situation and i would be concerned about lending equipment out like that as well. I then say that i really appreciate him helping me out and then he cuts me off and says NOi dont think you understand me and then threatens me by saying that if i dont return the tripod in one piece that he would cut my nads off and do something with them...
I WAS SHOCKED at what he said to me and when my friend came back on i was speachless....she didnt even apologize for his actions. I said that i would return the tripod tomorrow and i hung up.
I mean i really do understand that he needs the tripod for his job and he wants me to take care of it, but was it necessary to threaten me like that? I really thought this guy was cool because we share the same interest (photography) and he also plays MAGIC! i really wanted to play a couple of games with him one day but after this i probably wont.
SO my question is should i confront her BF about what he said or confront my friend about it?
I wouldn't take any action on it myself, but if you feel you need to, I'd talk to the friend first. Talking to him directly would probably just cause the trouble to escalate.
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My anecdotal evidence disagrees with yours! EXPLAIN THAT!
The guy sounds insecure about things. I would talk to your friend first and tell them that it is not ok to talk to you like that and that you would like to talk to him about his behavior if possible. This will save face with your friend, while still bieng an adult to resolve the issue. My advice:
1) If they choose not to talk about it then fine, return the tripod and don't deal with him again. What goes around comes around, if he treats you badly, he shouldn't expect help later on.
2) If they choose to talk about it, great, you let them know in a stern, calm, (and try to be respectful) manner, that while you understand his proffesional attachment to his equipment, that it is not polite or acceptable for him to treat others like that. You said that you don't really know this guy, well, he really doesn't know you, and therefore shouldn't talk to you like that.
If it was me, i'd have returned it right after the damn phone call.
On the flip side, yeah, I can see his point, tho. If i'm a professinal photographer, and my GF lends my Tripod to some random friend in High School which I have never met in my life, I would be very nervous about it getting damaged.
Which leads me to the question: Did you *really* need a tripod? Too much stress, me thinks.
If it was me, i'd have returned it right after the damn phone call.
On the flip side, yeah, I can see his point, tho. If i'm a professinal photographer, and my GF lends my Tripod to some random friend in High School which I have never met in my life, I would be very nervous about it getting damaged.
Which leads me to the question: Did you *really* need a tripod? Too much stress, me thinks.
Yes i really did need a tripod because the school ran out of tripods to lend out and i knew that her BF was a pro photographer so i figured him being a pro he would help me out no problem (i figured wrong). But yeah i do agree with you on lending things out to someone i dont know.
The guy sounds insecure about things. I would talk to your friend first and tell them that it is not ok to talk to you like that and that you would like to talk to him about his behavior if possible. This will save face with your friend, while still bieng an adult to resolve the issue. My advice:
1) If they choose not to talk about it then fine, return the tripod and don't deal with him again. What goes around comes around, if he treats you badly, he shouldn't expect help later on.
2) If they choose to talk about it, great, you let them know in a stern, calm, (and try to be respectful) manner, that while you understand his proffesional attachment to his equipment, that it is not polite or acceptable for him to treat others like that. You said that you don't really know this guy, well, he really doesn't know you, and therefore shouldn't talk to you like that.
My 2 cents.
I totally agree with you about talking to my friend first and thats what im going to do....but this morning i went with option 1 when i dropped off the tripod, only because the freakin BF was outside at her house fixing his car (i think he really wanted to be there to make sure the tripod was in one piece). So i returned it and left, because i didnt want a confrontation.
SO yeah thanks for the quick responses and i appreciate all the replies.
I realize your dilemma has passed, but I'll throw out my opinion just the same, since it's likely you will face many similar situations in your life. (I'm not condescending, by the, I'm just... "experienced". )
So the guy's a jerk. You have his tripod. What will you do? Return it to the jerk now? Return it to the jerk tomorrow? Not return it to the jerk? I suppose it depends upon how you feel about having a jerk's tripod in your possession. Can you live with it for one more day?
As for confronting said jerk, why bother? Do you think it will make a difference?
What about your friend? Do you think you can tell her anything about what a jerk her boyfriend is that she doesn't already know?
If it was me, I would return the tripod when I said I would (tomorrow) unless the owner insisted I return it immediately. When I returned it, I would thank the owner for allowing me to borrow it if he was there, or at the first opportunity otherwise (or have your friend thank him on your behalf, if you wish to avoid him, for whatever reason).
And perhaps most importantly: In the future, should your wish to borrow something from someone, be sure to get their express permission. It avoids a lot of unpleasant situations.
May your life go well.
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I'd have brought it back and broken it right in front of him, just based on principal. Then when it came to the whole nads thing, I'd simply present myself and say "either cut 'em or cuddle with 'em, but don't expect to make idle threats without repercussion."
In the first place though, if he's a professional photographer, I wouldn't lend out my work equipment to anyone. It's just not worth anything happening to it. If he girlfriend lent it out without asking, then it should be on her head.
As for confronting said jerk, why bother? Do you think it will make a difference?
Problably not, but he has every right to tell the jerk to shape up. Will one person telling him he's a jerk for one thing suddenly make him change his heart? No, but if enough people he deals with call him a jerk for his behavior then eventually he will realize that he needs to change.
Glad it kinda turned out ok, you should atleast let your friend know that it's not ok for her boy/friends to talk to you like that.
Problably not, but he has every right to tell the jerk to shape up. Will one person telling him he's a jerk for one thing suddenly make him change his heart? No, but if enough people he deals with call him a jerk for his behavior then eventually he will realize that he needs to change.
A fair point, but of all the jerks I've known, none has ever shaped up. They generally know what they are, and see their behavior as both reasonable and necessary.
Regardless of whether this individual is willing to change his attitude, a firm but polite approach is, I think, best. If they're willing to change their behavior, you can set a good example of how civilized people should act.
If anyone "needs" to be confronted, I believe it is the friend. She put you in a awkward situation by leading you to believe you had the tripod's owner's permission.
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No, no, I mean, you can take real good pictures without a tripod, that's my point. And I don't have steady hands. Improvisation is the key.
Boy I wish I had Photography classes in High School. That would've rocked.
Ohh i see what your saying, and yes you can take really good pics without a tripod (ive made a couple) but as youve mentioned i dont have good steady hands (for close up shots). And also im taking it for a college class ive considered myself a late bloomer for photography. Your school didnt have photo journalism? that was the equivalant of a photography class.
I realize your dilemma has passed, but I'll throw out my opinion just the same, since it's likely you will face many similar situations in your life. (I'm not condescending, by the, I'm just... "experienced". )
So the guy's a jerk. You have his tripod. What will you do? Return it to the jerk now? Return it to the jerk tomorrow? Not return it to the jerk? I suppose it depends upon how you feel about having a jerk's tripod in your possession. Can you live with it for one more day?
As for confronting said jerk, why bother? Do you think it will make a difference?
What about your friend? Do you think you can tell her anything about what a jerk her boyfriend is that she doesn't already know?
If it was me, I would return the tripod when I said I would (tomorrow) unless the owner insisted I return it immediately. When I returned it, I would thank the owner for allowing me to borrow it if he was there, or at the first opportunity otherwise (or have your friend thank him on your behalf, if you wish to avoid him, for whatever reason).
And perhaps most importantly: In the future, should your wish to borrow something from someone, be sure to get their express permission. It avoids a lot of unpleasant situations.
May your life go well.
Well the thing is about asking the person is ive never met the guy personally, ive only heard of him so i wanted to ask my friend first so she would be more convincing rather than me asking the guy and i not getting the tripod. BUt yeah im definetly going to ask the actually person (in the future) i want to borrow from and not through other people.
I'd have brought it back and broken it right in front of him, just based on principal. Then when it came to the whole nads thing, I'd simply present myself and say "either cut 'em or cuddle with 'em, but don't expect to make idle threats without repercussion."
In the first place though, if he's a professional photographer, I wouldn't lend out my work equipment to anyone. It's just not worth anything happening to it. If he girlfriend lent it out without asking, then it should be on her head.
HAHA, you know me and my GF were talking about this situation and that was one of the solutions she had came up with...She wanted to break the tripod and through $300 dollars at his face and say here you go (apparently the tripod cost 300 dollars but it looked like a P.O.S). I really think he was going for a sentimental value because he had the thing for a long time.
I definetly agree with your pro photographer comment and thats why i told him that i REALLY did appreciate him lending me his tripod. Ohh and she did ask him for me so nothing wrong on her part, she was just helping me out.
Problably not, but he has every right to tell the jerk to shape up. Will one person telling him he's a jerk for one thing suddenly make him change his heart? No, but if enough people he deals with call him a jerk for his behavior then eventually he will realize that he needs to change.
Glad it kinda turned out ok, you should atleast let your friend know that it's not ok for her boy/friends to talk to you like that.
Hmmm..i think that it would be hard for this guy to change only because of his age. HE is around his late 30's and my friend is going to be 21 ....some how i dont think i nor my other friends can change the way he is if 30+ years couldnt do that for him.
Ohh yeah im going to let her know how i feel about the situation. Well it turned out ok because her BF was out there other wise i wouldve said something to her.
A fair point, but of all the jerks I've known, none has ever shaped up. They generally know what they are, and see their behavior as both reasonable and necessary.
Regardless of whether this individual is willing to change his attitude, a firm but polite approach is, I think, best. If they're willing to change their behavior, you can set a good example of how civilized people should act.
If anyone "needs" to be confronted, I believe it is the friend. She put you in a awkward situation by leading you to believe you had the tripod's owner's permission.
Im more than likely going to believe you in that jerks are hard to change and i do believe that a respectable approach is indead the best way to handle the confrontation. I mean i have the up most respect for this guy because he makes his living off of taking photos and that is very hard to do.
Yeah i think im going to talk to my friend first before even confronting this guy. But i dont think she is at fault for helping me out.
Just give it back immediatly. Not because he threatened you. But because people like him are not worth dealing with, in any way. Trust me on this.
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A fair point, but of all the jerks I've known, none has ever shaped up. They generally know what they are, and see their behavior as both reasonable and necessary.
Sometimes true, sometimes not, I've dealt with jerks before, who thought they could push over me or my friends, but a simple, stern, and yes respectfull tone with them on that they didn't need to act like the way that they were to get what they wanted, or to get along with people. Some did leave our conversations with tails between thier legs, but it is different with every person.
Regardless of whether this individual is willing to change his attitude, a firm but polite approach is, I think, best. If they're willing to change their behavior, you can set a good example of how civilized people should act.
I agree that it is best that he show the example to this 30+ year old.
Quote from .handslikeguns »
Hmmm..i think that it would be hard for this guy to change only because of his age. HE is around his late 30's and my friend is going to be 21 ....some how i dont think i nor my other friends can change the way he is if 30+ years couldnt do that for him.
@.handslikeguns. And even if a jerk is 30+ years old, it still doesn't give him the right to be a jerk. It seems that you have shown, and I think you need to continue to show a better example then this guy despite age differences.
If anyone "needs" to be confronted, I believe it is the friend. She put you in a awkward situation by leading you to believe you had the tripod's owner's permission.
I think this situation could have easily been solved by asking the nutcase photographer in the first place. If I was under the impression that it was so important to someone I've never met, then I certainly wouldn't want to handle his equipment in case something bad happens (always could). Could you have rented a tripod...?
EDIT: Not that what you did or say deserved getting threatend like you did, but honestly, you shouldn't deal with people you haven't even met. Stuff like that can lead to improbable but bad circumstances.
I think this situation could have easily been solved by asking the nutcase photographer in the first place. If I was under the impression that it was so important to someone I've never met, then I certainly wouldn't want to handle his equipment in case something bad happens (always could). Could you have rented a tripod...?
EDIT: Not that what you did or say deserved getting threatend like you did, but honestly, you shouldn't deal with people you haven't even met. Stuff like that can lead to improbable but bad circumstances.
Now that i look at it, yes i couldve asked the guy straight up instead of asking my friend but i figured it would be easier to ask through his GF (my friend) and the end result wouldve been ok.
my friend values me as a trustworthy and responsible and i always help her out when she needs it, so i guessed she figured that i was responsible enough to handle her BF's tripod, she knows how passionate i am about photography and so she wanted to help me out i cant blame her (well in this case) for anything her jerk BF does.
On your edit i agree with you about not dealing with these kind of people but mind you i didnt know the guy to well all i was hearing was hear say about him being a jerk and stuff like that, but when he did lend me the tripod my characterization of him changed to being a good guy instead of a jerk...then when i got the phone call it went downhill so...idk. I more than likely wont talk to this guy ever again and if he does ask me for help im gonna turn him down.
About renting my school does lend out tripods but they were out of them by the time i wanted to rent one and i dont know if any stores do that or not.
Look into renting or see of anyone at school is done w/ one. Then give the camera back and tell your friend this dude is a dick. If he feels this strongly he should never have let you (or anyone) borrow it.
Sorry man, sounds like a sux situation. Good luck.
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I'd have brought it back and broken it right in front of him, just based on principal. Then when it came to the whole nads thing, I'd simply present myself and say "either cut 'em or cuddle with 'em, but don't expect to make idle threats without repercussion."
I'm going to disagree here. Again you're not sure or its unclear whether or not he actually expressed consent to lend it out in the first place? Still, from his position I can see why he would be upset, and breaking the thing in front of him isn't going to help anything. Even "based on principle," why cause unneccessary problems? Unless you feel very very very strongly about it, although things like this I'd just let go.
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Im taking a photography class and i needed to borrow a tripod from my GF's friends boyfriend who is a pro photographer. Now i dont know the guy and ive never met him but my Gf and the rest of my friends say he is not a good person (a donkey's behind if you will), but ive never met him so i cant say anything about that and i wouldnt judge him till ive actually met him. So i asked her to ask her boyfriend and apparently he said yes, so when i go pick it up friday afternoon my friend explains to me that this was his only tripod and that he uses it for work. I told her that i understood and that i will take care of it like it was my child. She kept stressing it over and over again and i told her that i would bring it back in one piece. I thanked her and off i went.
So today (saturday) i get a text message asking me to bring the tripod back. i was a bit confused because we never mentioned when i was to bring it back but i understood that he might needed it for something related to his job. So i call my friend and and i ask her if she needs the tripod back because i still needed to use it for one more day.
She quickly gives the phone to her BF and he starts talking to me in a kinda stern voice. He asked me if i still needed the tripod and i said yes, and that i would return it tomorrow to his GF (my friend) in the morning. HE says ok and continues to talk to me about how that was his only tripod and he uses it for work. I answer by saying that i totally understood his situation and i would be concerned about lending equipment out like that as well. I then say that i really appreciate him helping me out and then he cuts me off and says NO i dont think you understand me and then threatens me by saying that if i dont return the tripod in one piece that he would cut my nads off and do something with them...
I WAS SHOCKED at what he said to me and when my friend came back on i was speachless....she didnt even apologize for his actions. I said that i would return the tripod tomorrow and i hung up.
I mean i really do understand that he needs the tripod for his job and he wants me to take care of it, but was it necessary to threaten me like that? I really thought this guy was cool because we share the same interest (photography) and he also plays MAGIC! i really wanted to play a couple of games with him one day but after this i probably wont.
SO my question is should i confront her BF about what he said or confront my friend about it?
thanks in advance.
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1) If they choose not to talk about it then fine, return the tripod and don't deal with him again. What goes around comes around, if he treats you badly, he shouldn't expect help later on.
2) If they choose to talk about it, great, you let them know in a stern, calm, (and try to be respectful) manner, that while you understand his proffesional attachment to his equipment, that it is not polite or acceptable for him to treat others like that. You said that you don't really know this guy, well, he really doesn't know you, and therefore shouldn't talk to you like that.
My 2 cents.
On the flip side, yeah, I can see his point, tho. If i'm a professinal photographer, and my GF lends my Tripod to some random friend in High School which I have never met in my life, I would be very nervous about it getting damaged.
Which leads me to the question: Did you *really* need a tripod? Too much stress, me thinks.
Yes i really did need a tripod because the school ran out of tripods to lend out and i knew that her BF was a pro photographer so i figured him being a pro he would help me out no problem (i figured wrong). But yeah i do agree with you on lending things out to someone i dont know.
I totally agree with you about talking to my friend first and thats what im going to do....but this morning i went with option 1 when i dropped off the tripod, only because the freakin BF was outside at her house fixing his car (i think he really wanted to be there to make sure the tripod was in one piece). So i returned it and left, because i didnt want a confrontation.
SO yeah thanks for the quick responses and i appreciate all the replies.
H/W List http://forums.mtgsalvation.com/showthread.php?t=112656
Boy I wish I had Photography classes in High School. That would've rocked.
So the guy's a jerk. You have his tripod. What will you do? Return it to the jerk now? Return it to the jerk tomorrow? Not return it to the jerk? I suppose it depends upon how you feel about having a jerk's tripod in your possession. Can you live with it for one more day?
As for confronting said jerk, why bother? Do you think it will make a difference?
What about your friend? Do you think you can tell her anything about what a jerk her boyfriend is that she doesn't already know?
If it was me, I would return the tripod when I said I would (tomorrow) unless the owner insisted I return it immediately. When I returned it, I would thank the owner for allowing me to borrow it if he was there, or at the first opportunity otherwise (or have your friend thank him on your behalf, if you wish to avoid him, for whatever reason).
And perhaps most importantly: In the future, should your wish to borrow something from someone, be sure to get their express permission. It avoids a lot of unpleasant situations.
May your life go well.
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In the first place though, if he's a professional photographer, I wouldn't lend out my work equipment to anyone. It's just not worth anything happening to it. If he girlfriend lent it out without asking, then it should be on her head.
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Problably not, but he has every right to tell the jerk to shape up. Will one person telling him he's a jerk for one thing suddenly make him change his heart? No, but if enough people he deals with call him a jerk for his behavior then eventually he will realize that he needs to change.
Glad it kinda turned out ok, you should atleast let your friend know that it's not ok for her boy/friends to talk to you like that.
A fair point, but of all the jerks I've known, none has ever shaped up. They generally know what they are, and see their behavior as both reasonable and necessary.
Regardless of whether this individual is willing to change his attitude, a firm but polite approach is, I think, best. If they're willing to change their behavior, you can set a good example of how civilized people should act.
If anyone "needs" to be confronted, I believe it is the friend. She put you in a awkward situation by leading you to believe you had the tripod's owner's permission.
"Uncommonly Smooth."
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Ohh i see what your saying, and yes you can take really good pics without a tripod (ive made a couple) but as youve mentioned i dont have good steady hands (for close up shots). And also im taking it for a college class ive considered myself a late bloomer for photography. Your school didnt have photo journalism? that was the equivalant of a photography class.
Well the thing is about asking the person is ive never met the guy personally, ive only heard of him so i wanted to ask my friend first so she would be more convincing rather than me asking the guy and i not getting the tripod. BUt yeah im definetly going to ask the actually person (in the future) i want to borrow from and not through other people.
HAHA, you know me and my GF were talking about this situation and that was one of the solutions she had came up with...She wanted to break the tripod and through $300 dollars at his face and say here you go (apparently the tripod cost 300 dollars but it looked like a P.O.S). I really think he was going for a sentimental value because he had the thing for a long time.
I definetly agree with your pro photographer comment and thats why i told him that i REALLY did appreciate him lending me his tripod. Ohh and she did ask him for me so nothing wrong on her part, she was just helping me out.
Done and done, i really had thought it was ok for me to borrow it so i didnt think twice.
Hmmm..i think that it would be hard for this guy to change only because of his age. HE is around his late 30's and my friend is going to be 21 ....some how i dont think i nor my other friends can change the way he is if 30+ years couldnt do that for him.
Ohh yeah im going to let her know how i feel about the situation. Well it turned out ok because her BF was out there other wise i wouldve said something to her.
Im more than likely going to believe you in that jerks are hard to change and i do believe that a respectable approach is indead the best way to handle the confrontation. I mean i have the up most respect for this guy because he makes his living off of taking photos and that is very hard to do.
Yeah i think im going to talk to my friend first before even confronting this guy. But i dont think she is at fault for helping me out.
H/W List http://forums.mtgsalvation.com/showthread.php?t=112656
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Sometimes true, sometimes not, I've dealt with jerks before, who thought they could push over me or my friends, but a simple, stern, and yes respectfull tone with them on that they didn't need to act like the way that they were to get what they wanted, or to get along with people. Some did leave our conversations with tails between thier legs, but it is different with every person.
I agree that it is best that he show the example to this 30+ year old.
@.handslikeguns. And even if a jerk is 30+ years old, it still doesn't give him the right to be a jerk. It seems that you have shown, and I think you need to continue to show a better example then this guy despite age differences.
Totally, he does need to talk to her about that.
EDIT: Not that what you did or say deserved getting threatend like you did, but honestly, you shouldn't deal with people you haven't even met. Stuff like that can lead to improbable but bad circumstances.
Now that i look at it, yes i couldve asked the guy straight up instead of asking my friend but i figured it would be easier to ask through his GF (my friend) and the end result wouldve been ok.
my friend values me as a trustworthy and responsible and i always help her out when she needs it, so i guessed she figured that i was responsible enough to handle her BF's tripod, she knows how passionate i am about photography and so she wanted to help me out i cant blame her (well in this case) for anything her jerk BF does.
On your edit i agree with you about not dealing with these kind of people but mind you i didnt know the guy to well all i was hearing was hear say about him being a jerk and stuff like that, but when he did lend me the tripod my characterization of him changed to being a good guy instead of a jerk...then when i got the phone call it went downhill so...idk. I more than likely wont talk to this guy ever again and if he does ask me for help im gonna turn him down.
About renting my school does lend out tripods but they were out of them by the time i wanted to rent one and i dont know if any stores do that or not.
H/W List http://forums.mtgsalvation.com/showthread.php?t=112656
Sorry man, sounds like a sux situation. Good luck.
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I'm going to disagree here. Again you're not sure or its unclear whether or not he actually expressed consent to lend it out in the first place? Still, from his position I can see why he would be upset, and breaking the thing in front of him isn't going to help anything. Even "based on principle," why cause unneccessary problems? Unless you feel very very very strongly about it, although things like this I'd just let go.