Ever had somebody dislike for no visible reason, but it's never brought up? This seems to happen a lot with me. In every setting I traverse to, it seems there's at least one person who dislikes my presence, but they never actually say it. This is understandable, it's impossible to get everyone to like you. But what I really don't understand is why whenever I ask why they don't like me, they never admit it. Heck, the query only seems to intensify it. I really don't get this. If somebody wants to get along with you better, why should you be a prick and keep the reason(s) a secret so they can't improve themselves? Assuming my younger brother, a jackass who parallels Konda in sheer ego and dickishness, were to seriously ask how he could improve himself, I'd only be too happy to lend advice. If one of my classmates or floormates were a jerk and asked what I didn't like, I'd be upfront and answer honestly. If you aren't ever open, how can anyone see what's wrong? But no. For some borderline retarded reason (much hyperbole here, I apologize, it just upsets me so), everyone who doesn't like me has to be vague, ambiguous, shies away constantly and just flat-out can't give a straight answer on the topic.
Just what is appropriate protocol in this situation? What should I ask to get a straight answer? And if I can't get a decent answer, what's a good thing to fix, just to improve something, anything?
About any "subpar" mechanics or cards: Context is king.
If I make a templating or grammar error, let me know.
The franchise MtG most resembles is Battlestar Galactica. Why? Its players exist in, at most, a dozen different models at any given point in time, with perhaps up to 3% variation, 5% if you're lucky.
How do you think person A will react? Will he say "Good lord, you're right! I'll go change right away!", or will he say "why you little !&@^!#"
A lot of people react the latter, even if person A "asked for honest criticism".
That sort of thing results to fights, whether the criticism was real indeed bad or not. A lot of people just would rather _not_ get into trouble.
Person A:"Tell me what wrong with me!"
Person B:*what, and risk you going berserk?* *what, and let people think I'm an ass for telling you?* *what, I don't like you, and I certainly won't help you* *what guarantee will it that you'll change and I won't be wasting my breath and just end up hating you more?*
A slightly different scenario, but illustrates my point:
"Honey, do I look fat in this?"
"Why, yes, you do need a diet--"
(wham)
If you think there's something about you that needs changing, then ask your friends about it -- people whom you trust and probably have your best interests in mind, not the people who dislike you.
Ever had somebody dislike for no visible reason, but it's never brought up? This seems to happen a lot with me. In every setting I traverse to, it seems there's at least one person who dislikes my presence, but they never actually say it. .......................
............Just what is appropriate protocol in this situation? What should I ask to get a straight answer? And if I can't get a decent answer, what's a good thing to fix, just to improve something, anything?
Everyone is diffenent in thier prespective on others. Alot of people will HATE you for having a quality while others will LIKE you for that same quality.
Alot of times your best friends will LIKE you for you, won't like something that you did. So sometimes that can them angry enough to voice thier opinions on you. When you ask them if they hate you, of course they will say no, but they didn't like what you did. This is no different then if they did something YOU didn't like. I find this to be less and less common in arguements with friends as we all know each other, and atleast know what the vast majority would and wouldn't like. It's almost predictable with some stuff how each one of us would react. I think you have noticed how your friends act normaly, and then how they act upset/angry/cheerful/enthusastic.
everyone who doesn't like me has to be vague, ambiguous, shies away constantly and just flat-out can't give a straight answer on the topic.
I think 90% of girls will be like that. Trust me, you need to be able to read minds sometimes in order to figure out if they want chocolates or flowers.
Some people don't want to tell you what they think you've done wrong, they want you to realize it. It's a type of mode of self-correction that requires a deep concious (I think I mispelled that...:-/ ) Sometimes you just have to be aware of what others are feeling like, more.
Remember too, that at first, if something bugs the people around you, they might not realize it until later when they've really thought about it. If it starts to get under thier skin, and that's when you've asked them if they hate you or not, and they say No, but then realize latter that they do hate you for "that" then they'll tell you latter.
And if you can't figure what thier talkign about out, say that your sorry for what ever the're angry about and leave the room. They can't hold a grudge forever.
If somebody wants to get along with you better, why should you be a prick and keep the reason(s) a secret ... I'd only be too happy to lend advice. If one of my classmates or floormates were a jerk and asked what I didn't like, I'd be upfront and answer honestly. If you aren't ever open, how can anyone see what's wrong?
But what I really don't understand is why whenever I ask why they don't like me, they never admit it.
It sounds to me like you're one of the few people who's actually willing to say what's on his mind. Other people will see that and think you're the prick because of it. Nobody's going to tell you or admit they don't like you because that's how polite society works. You pretend to get along with everyone and you have no problems. Obviously, that's not how your personality works. That's fine, but you'll just have to learn to deal with people not liking you.
Just what is appropriate protocol in this situation? What should I ask to get a straight answer? And if I can't get a decent answer, what's a good thing to fix, just to improve something, anything?
But what I really don't understand is why whenever I ask why they don't like me, they never admit it. Heck, the query only seems to intensify it.
Asking such a question goes against the norms acceptable in our society. (Note that I'm not debating what's right or wrong here, just what's commonly acceptable and what's not.)
You should seriously consider the possibility that people don't like you because of your refusal to conform to acceptable behaviors.
The next step will be to decide what's more important to you - having those people like you at the cost of adapting your behavior to their expectations, or keeping your behavior at the cost of having a few people dislike you. There is no correct answer to this question, you'll just have to do what fits you best.
I'm going to be blunt with you (as you have suggested). What you're doing is really foolish. If you had any respect for a person, you would not tell them why you didn't like them. It is a simple matter of social courtesy. I mean, unless they're your close firend, most people will just avoid you.
Sometimes, people may not tell you why they don't like you because it is something about you that you can't change. In a world where the first impression is often the only impression, this is how a person will tell whether they can get close to you. People like or dislike each other because of race or someone's voice or someone's appearance. This will always be the case. If you're ugly, people will just naturally be drawn away from you. The thing about society is that ugly people tend to be more comfortable with ugly people and tend to be intimidated by better looking people. This is why sometimes a whole group of friends look pimply and such.
Your friends have chosen you as their friend not really because of how you act (though most ppl would not realize or admit this), but because you look like them and wear like clothes. Also, this is casually how girls decide which guys they like.
I agree with you, Voila!, but it's just another thing that's weird about society. People hate uncomfortable situations with a fiery passion and will do most anything to avoid them, and criticizing others, particularly others you've only just met, is one of the things that people find uncomfortable. I don't really see the point in not being honest through and through when you aren't testing someone, actively concealing something, or lying, but everyone else does and there's not much to do about it.
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My anecdotal evidence disagrees with yours! EXPLAIN THAT!
I personally think that Alx hit on the crux of the matter here:
Asking such a question goes against the norms acceptable in our society. (Note that I'm not debating what's right or wrong here, just what's commonly acceptable and what's not.)
You should seriously consider the possibility that people don't like you because of your refusal to conform to acceptable behaviors.
The next step will be to decide what's more important to you - having those people like you at the cost of adapting your behavior to their expectations, or keeping your behavior at the cost of having a few people dislike you. There is no correct answer to this question, you'll just have to do what fits you best.
This is saying: is society right? You're performing in a way that society condemns, and you're having issues with it, since you can't decide what to do. Do you conform, or do you challenge? You are fundamentally asking if the society is correct in trying to force you to confirm, or if it is wrong in trying to do so.
Obviously, there is no answer that anyone can give you, since you've got to figure this stuff out for yourself. However, if you desire my opinion, here it is:
I think that you should NEVER stop questioning society. I believe very strongly that if you ever stop questioning, then you stop thinking, and are no better than the millions of "sheep" in the world who never question their existence or surroundings.
There's also the strong possibility that you're projecting a dislike onto others, and that the reason they always deny disliking you is because they don't dislike you... at least until you start badgering them about why they dislike you so much, anyway.
Or, IBA, he could just be hallucinating and/or be crazy, and so this whole conversation is moot. (and yes, I'm poking fun at you. It isn't personal though, so don't get mad or anything)
I agree with your opinion, bloodydoves. I'd go so far as to say that society is wrong on almost every issue, aside from things which are blatantly obvious.
How can it be wrong to prefer harmony over discord? Telling people that you don't like them and why, can get you a black eye. Especially if I don't think highly of you, why do I owe you the privilege of giving me a black eye, or wish to get in a huge argument over why I don't like you or worse, have you deny everything I list as reasons? I think in this case society has it right, don't pick an argument you can't win.
Its not really harmony. Kinda like artificial sweetener isn't sugar. Yes it looks kinda like sugar and tastes mostly like sugar. Its not sugar. So its not really Harmony, it just looks like harmony and taste like harmony. But its not really Harmony. A black eye? I tell people why I don't like them and no black eye so far, wonder what I am doing wrong.
A lot of people will say they want honestly, but when it's actually presented to them their reactions tend to be negative. I have a friend who really believes in being honest and saying what he's thinking in pretty much any situation. This has not only gotten him into trouble (being kicked out of a college course because he didn't care for the type of homework the professor assigned—oddly enough, he went to the trouble of completing the homework yet he got kicked out, while I often failed to do the homework and only received a poor grade because of it), but his relationships often fail as well. The "honey, do I look fat?" example a few posts up is a good example. Also, he has no problem expressing his favorable opinion of other girls to his girlfriends. They, however, apparently don't like to hear that he finds other girls (some of whom are actually close friends of his, or close friends of hers) attractive.
The point is, honesty is important, but sometimes it's just as important to keep things to oneself, as honesty might make the situation worse.
Just what is appropriate protocol in this situation? What should I ask to get a straight answer? And if I can't get a decent answer, what's a good thing to fix, just to improve something, anything?
About any "subpar" mechanics or cards: Context is king.
If I make a templating or grammar error, let me know.
The franchise MtG most resembles is Battlestar Galactica. Why? Its players exist in, at most, a dozen different models at any given point in time, with perhaps up to 3% variation, 5% if you're lucky.
Person A is a jerk.
Person B tells him he's a jerk.
How do you think person A will react? Will he say "Good lord, you're right! I'll go change right away!", or will he say "why you little !&@^!#"
A lot of people react the latter, even if person A "asked for honest criticism".
That sort of thing results to fights, whether the criticism was real indeed bad or not. A lot of people just would rather _not_ get into trouble.
Person A:"Tell me what wrong with me!"
Person B:*what, and risk you going berserk?* *what, and let people think I'm an ass for telling you?* *what, I don't like you, and I certainly won't help you* *what guarantee will it that you'll change and I won't be wasting my breath and just end up hating you more?*
A slightly different scenario, but illustrates my point:
"Honey, do I look fat in this?"
"Why, yes, you do need a diet--"
(wham)
If you think there's something about you that needs changing, then ask your friends about it -- people whom you trust and probably have your best interests in mind, not the people who dislike you.
"Sometimes, the situation is outracing a threat, sometimes it's ignoring it, and sometimes it involves sideboarding in 4x Hope//Pray." --Doug Linn
Everyone is diffenent in thier prespective on others. Alot of people will HATE you for having a quality while others will LIKE you for that same quality.
Alot of times your best friends will LIKE you for you, won't like something that you did. So sometimes that can them angry enough to voice thier opinions on you. When you ask them if they hate you, of course they will say no, but they didn't like what you did. This is no different then if they did something YOU didn't like. I find this to be less and less common in arguements with friends as we all know each other, and atleast know what the vast majority would and wouldn't like. It's almost predictable with some stuff how each one of us would react. I think you have noticed how your friends act normaly, and then how they act upset/angry/cheerful/enthusastic.
I think 90% of girls will be like that. Trust me, you need to be able to read minds sometimes in order to figure out if they want chocolates or flowers.
Some people don't want to tell you what they think you've done wrong, they want you to realize it. It's a type of mode of self-correction that requires a deep concious (I think I mispelled that...:-/ ) Sometimes you just have to be aware of what others are feeling like, more.
Remember too, that at first, if something bugs the people around you, they might not realize it until later when they've really thought about it. If it starts to get under thier skin, and that's when you've asked them if they hate you or not, and they say No, but then realize latter that they do hate you for "that" then they'll tell you latter.
And if you can't figure what thier talkign about out, say that your sorry for what ever the're angry about and leave the room. They can't hold a grudge forever.
It sounds to me like you're one of the few people who's actually willing to say what's on his mind. Other people will see that and think you're the prick because of it. Nobody's going to tell you or admit they don't like you because that's how polite society works. You pretend to get along with everyone and you have no problems. Obviously, that's not how your personality works. That's fine, but you'll just have to learn to deal with people not liking you.
Ignore it. Get used to it.
Asking such a question goes against the norms acceptable in our society. (Note that I'm not debating what's right or wrong here, just what's commonly acceptable and what's not.)
You should seriously consider the possibility that people don't like you because of your refusal to conform to acceptable behaviors.
The next step will be to decide what's more important to you - having those people like you at the cost of adapting your behavior to their expectations, or keeping your behavior at the cost of having a few people dislike you. There is no correct answer to this question, you'll just have to do what fits you best.
Sometimes, people may not tell you why they don't like you because it is something about you that you can't change. In a world where the first impression is often the only impression, this is how a person will tell whether they can get close to you. People like or dislike each other because of race or someone's voice or someone's appearance. This will always be the case. If you're ugly, people will just naturally be drawn away from you. The thing about society is that ugly people tend to be more comfortable with ugly people and tend to be intimidated by better looking people. This is why sometimes a whole group of friends look pimply and such.
Your friends have chosen you as their friend not really because of how you act (though most ppl would not realize or admit this), but because you look like them and wear like clothes. Also, this is casually how girls decide which guys they like.
This is saying: is society right? You're performing in a way that society condemns, and you're having issues with it, since you can't decide what to do. Do you conform, or do you challenge? You are fundamentally asking if the society is correct in trying to force you to confirm, or if it is wrong in trying to do so.
Obviously, there is no answer that anyone can give you, since you've got to figure this stuff out for yourself. However, if you desire my opinion, here it is:
Radha, Heir to Keld, Vorel of the Hull Clade, Kemba, Kha Regent, Vela the Night-Clad, Kozilek, Butcher of Truth, Barrin, Master Wizard, Slobad, Goblin Tinkerer, Patron of the Orochi, Oloro, Ageless Ascetic, Thraximundar, Roon of the Hidden Realm, Prossh, Skyraider of Kher, Marath, Will of the Wild, Teneb, the Harvester
If you did this, tell me and I'll credit you!
Radha, Heir to Keld, Vorel of the Hull Clade, Kemba, Kha Regent, Vela the Night-Clad, Kozilek, Butcher of Truth, Barrin, Master Wizard, Slobad, Goblin Tinkerer, Patron of the Orochi, Oloro, Ageless Ascetic, Thraximundar, Roon of the Hidden Realm, Prossh, Skyraider of Kher, Marath, Will of the Wild, Teneb, the Harvester
If you did this, tell me and I'll credit you!
How can it be wrong to prefer harmony over discord? Telling people that you don't like them and why, can get you a black eye. Especially if I don't think highly of you, why do I owe you the privilege of giving me a black eye, or wish to get in a huge argument over why I don't like you or worse, have you deny everything I list as reasons? I think in this case society has it right, don't pick an argument you can't win.
Control is the ultimate expression of power.
The point is, honesty is important, but sometimes it's just as important to keep things to oneself, as honesty might make the situation worse.
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