All right, I'm 21 right now, have never been in a real relationship, and I'm pretty fed up here. I've tried many different places both online and off to find women my age, but nothing has worked. I've been going out a couple of nights a week to do stand-up comedy, but not many women show up there. The bars around town are a haven for older women around 30. In the online realm I don't have enough spare money to afford those dating sites like match.com or anything like that. For some reason many women I meet look at me and see a guy they could only be friends with.
What's the best place to meet young and single women, or least what has been your experience for the best places? Also, what's the best way to lose this "friends-only" mantle?
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What's the best place to meet young and single women, or least what has been your experience for the best places?
It would seem you're not looking for a quick hook-up, so that more or less nixes the club scene. I guess where you should look depends largely on what kind of woman you'd like to meet.
Truthfully, there's no one magical place where available women go. Your best bet is to be as sociable as you can. Get out there and go to as many places as you can think and talk to people. Bars, parties, group activities (workplace functions, various clubs, that sort of thing), volunteer events, outdoor activities, anything and anywhere where people congregate. Just put yourself out there.
Though you really shouldn't go with the intent to find a relationship. Not only is that a little sad, it's going to end up disappointing you more often than not. Go with the intent to have fun and meet people. Maybe make some new friends. Chances are, if you meet enough people at places where you enjoy yourself, you'll eventually meet someone you're interested in that shares at least a few interests with you.
So there's not really one single best place. It's all a matter of chance and opportunity. Best you can do is increase the odds of getting that opportunity by putting yourself out there.
Unless of course you're just in it for a quick fling. In which case, just hit any club on a weekend night and you'll probably have your pick.
Also, what's the best way to lose this "friends-only" mantle?
The best way is to not be a friend to them. I don't understand why so many people have a problem with this. If you don't want to be their friend, don't be their friend. It all has to do with your attitude and confidence. You're nice enough that they want to hang out, but not interesting enough to want to be involved with you. So be nice enough that they don't think you're a total dick, but not so nice that they start to see you as another one of the girls.
err... where can a guy find a girl? anywhere actually. bars, streets... just about anywhere; but the one perfect for u's going to be in a place where u least expect it. and to take away the 'friends-only' mantle, you gotta think like a girl... not like what color to match this blouse with... i mean... you gotta be sensitive towards things. you need to be passionate about a girl's interests and stuff.
i know other peeps here can give better suggestions but that's all i could think of. take it from me, i'm a girl.
Whenever I want to be with a girl, I open up my walk in freezer.
Seriously though, girls are everywhere and if you can strike up a conversation, you can start to work your magic. Go to a library or something, don't talk to the girls that are just studying... unless it's a topic you're familiar with. You can base this on the books they're using. If it's something you know, try to offer some help. That's a rare occurance. Now, if a girl is in the library, just sitting and reading a book... she's basically sitting there WAITING to be broken out of the mundane. You can walk up and spark a conversation, make sure not to be a total putz and make sure you hook her interest. Then as the conversation begins to digress, suggest going to get something to drink... Coffee? I'm serious, as long as the girl feels safe, she'll pretty much be down for anything.
Though you really shouldn't go with the intent to find a relationship. Not only is that a little sad, it's going to end up disappointing you more often than not. Go with the intent to have fun and meet people. Maybe make some new friends. Chances are, if you meet enough people at places where you enjoy yourself, you'll eventually meet someone you're interested in that shares at least a few interests with you.
To expand on this, it's a really bad idea to start up a relationship with a girl for the relationship and not the girl. That's classic categorical imperative folks. It's downright unfair to use some poor girl to fulfill your selfish want of a relationship, which you only want because you feel like you should have been in one by now.
So I'll have two sides of advice- one, don't worry about girls, just learn to be content when you're single. That shows more than you think. Being happy and not actively seeking a relationship gives you a certain aura of self-confidence that girls find a hell of a lot more appealing than some guy desperate for a girlfriend. And if not? Well, you're content anyways, so win-win. It will make you much more likely to have an actually fulfilling relationship this way, because you won't settle for someone that you don't really work with just for the purpose of having a relationship.
And if you still want to seek them out, there are lots of good places. Anywhere that you can demonstrate a common interest- clubs (not the dancing kind, the social gathering for a certain purpose kind), or through friends, and so on. Big book stores like Chapters (you guys have that right) can be great. Just be friendly, try to be spontaneous, and don't stake your manhood on the outcome of each conversation. It either works or it doesn't- if not, just like in a magic game, take stock of possible mistakes you made, and move on to the next one.
Get involved in the kinds of activities and causes you believe in, can really shine in - volunteer work, charity fund raising, mountaineers' club, amateur bowling, dancing classes - if you enjoy it and contribute, girls will notice and be more receptive to you, might flirt with you...that's the best place to find eligible women. Not in bars or clubs, where girls travel in groups and it's hard to get time alone with them, in order to do that you have to charm ALL of them. Besides, do you want a relationship based solely on the club or bar scene?
Try and find someplace where there are women who share your interests. It's a lot better to find someone who you have some things in common with than to be with someone you hooked up with because she looked hot in her miniskirt.
Bookstores are good, if you like to read. The bar scene generally finds you people who are in it for a quick fling, which isn't exactly a relationship. Join a few clubs. The right one for you is out there somewhere.
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Try and find someplace where there are women who share your interests. It's a lot better to find someone who you have some things in common with than to be with someone you hooked up with because she looked hot in her miniskirt.
Bookstores are good, if you like to read. The bar scene generally finds you people who are in it for a quick fling, which isn't exactly a relationship. Join a few clubs. The right one for you is out there somewhere.
Yeah, I know a clerk at Blockbuster who flirts with a lot of girls, he eventually met someone who flirted back and now they've been together for 4 months. Movies, books, you name it. Just have any reason to talk to them, and you have instant conversation. Being a clerk or assistant helps a LOT, makes you look like less of a jerk if you walk up to a nice girl and ask her if there's anything she'd like to look at.
I advise you to make it clear to a girl you like that you're interested. I really hate having to guess whether a guy likes me or is just being really, really friendly. As for actually finding women, we're everywhere. And waiting to talk to a nice fellow like you!
I advise you to make it clear to a girl you like that you're interested. I really hate having to guess whether a guy likes me or is just being really, really friendly.
I second that. And I'll also add a recommendation that you let the girl know that you're interested as soon as possible after meeting her (without being creepy) - that way you're less likely to be inadvertently placed in the friend zone before you make your intentions clear.
~ramblings of a girl who really has very little experience in this stuff anyway;)
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Almost every city has a Jaycee chapter (Junior Chamber Commerce - AKA Young Beer Drinkers Club). You have to be between 21 - 39 to join, and the majority of JC's are single. If it is like my chapter, we all inner dated until we found the right match. Then you get married, and you drop out.
Why join the Jaycees?
Because it is a win-win situation. They do three things. Community Service, Fund Raising and Social activites.
Community service can be feeding the homeless, helping inner city children, volunteering at community events, etc. It's rewarding, and you get to meet a lot of people this way. Many of which have good connections and can also help you in the job market.
Fund Raising can be as fun as the socials, because you get to work with the people who are also members. The vast majority of fund raisers involve beer. Pouring beer at sporting events, community concerts, festivals, etc.
Socials can be anything from camping trips, ski trips, bar hops, concerts, sporting events, etc. Again, you get to meet a lot of people this way, both in and outside of the club.
In summary, the Jaycees give you the opportunity to meet people, and generally a reason to be talk to good people about subjects other than magic, video games, role playing, etc. The more people you meet, the more opportunty there is to find a date. The more dates you have, the more likely you find a relationship. And while you do it, you're generally helping your community out. That is why it is a win-win.
I'm sure the other guys here will back me up when I point out one of the consequences of being in a relationship: women start showing up.
I think I speak for a lot of guys when I say that I've been positively more attractive and girls have been showing up way more than before now that I'm in a solid relationship for 16 months. What this teaches you? When you're happy and finally settled down, being sympathetic and nice becomes natural, not an artificial way to try to make women look at you. I'm sure that I'm better company now than I was when I was single. If you are single and looking for someone it's hard to be nice and sympathetic and all that without second intentions. Every nice/good looking woman you meet becomes a possible girlfriend, and you obviously will act accordingly. You have to act just like you would if you had a girl: calm, settled down, sympathetic (but not not too nice: after all, ''you have a girl'' :P), funny, but nothing too extreme. This calm spirit and displayed safety makes women around you feel safe to talk to you: They won't see you like a guy that's just counting the minutes to take off their clothes, neither like some extremely cute but desperate guy that they feel they can help. It's the balance between a guy that wants nothing but to have fun with a lot of girls and the guy that wants ''that one girl'' so bad he becomes a cute friend rather than a possible boyfriend.
Like others mentioned here, be happy, and be there. Go out, put yourself out there, show to others that you are single but you are satisfied and happy with your single life. Treat flirting like a fun exercise: Do it for the fun and the ''what if?'' factor, not as a way to achieve a goal. When you do something funny or say something cheesy just to see what happens rather than doing that *expecting* some result, as annoying as that will sound, you will see some results.
You're in a perfect age and there's a lot of lonely, hot women out there just waiting for a intelligent, easy going, happy guy to show up and sweep them off their feet. Just be yourself, always, in every situation, and put your best smile, and you're golden
And never forget: confidence is key. That's probably been said 128128129121 times by now, but it's tried and true.
Exactly. You're still young, there's no need to be in a big relationship just yet. Relax, and enjoy being single. If you feel (and act) like you need a girl, then they'll avoid you. But if you show them that you're happy and secure with being single, they'll gravitate towards you. Watch and see.
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Look, You will meet a girl when you least expect it, and not when your looking.
Agreed, I met my current girlfriend of over a year and a half at an advanced placement history conference at my old high school. let me tell ya, nothing to set the mood for romance like hearing an archaeologist about how he drained a dead guy's brains out of his nose (i'm absolutely not joking).
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Going back to what was said about "settling in" making you more attractive overall by making you seem naturally nice instead of artificially so, what do you do if you were already nice to begin with, but they can't really tell? I for one am a good person already, but I honestly don't believe anyone I've ever come on to thought I was honest. Without seeming like you're not just playing another game, how can you make yourself actually to be what you really are, without it appearing to be a facade?
As a bit of a side note, if a female doesn't...er...care for your presence but doesn't outright acknowledge that she doesn't care for you, what's a good way to call her on it? I've been in situations where girls didn't like me all that much, but when I tried to ask them about it, they...well, didn't tell me anything useful and pretty much denied it. Afterwards, things were always worse. Not even with girls I wanted out, just girls I wanted as friends. What's a good way to confront someone on something like that without making it worse?
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The franchise MtG most resembles is Battlestar Galactica. Why? Its players exist in, at most, a dozen different models at any given point in time, with perhaps up to 3% variation, 5% if you're lucky.
Going back to what was said about "settling in" making you more attractive overall by making you seem naturally nice instead of artificially so, what do you do if you were already nice to begin with, but they can't really tell? I for one am a good person already, but I honestly don't believe anyone I've ever come on to thought I was honest. Without seeming like you're not just playing another game, how can you make yourself actually to be what you really are, without it appearing to be a facade?
As a bit of a side note, if a female doesn't...er...care for your presence but doesn't outright acknowledge that she doesn't care for you, what's a good way to call her on it? I've been in situations where girls didn't like me all that much, but when I tried to ask them about it, they...well, didn't tell me anything useful and pretty much denied it. Afterwards, things were always worse. Not even with girls I wanted out, just girls I wanted as friends. What's a good way to confront someone on something like that without making it worse?
You're trying too hard.
Slow down, relax, back off, and go about your usual business. Females can tell when something's not quite right in your life, and head the other direction. Of course they won't tell you what's wrong, because they're conditioned to the old rule "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all."
Could also be they just don't click with your personality style, and don't really know why ("There's something about you that rubs me the wrong way but I can't really put my finger on it") so naturally they can't tell you what that is.
If that's the case with only one or a few girls, then don't worry. But it sounds like it's a problem with a lot of girls, so naturally it raises some red flags. Maybe you should pay for coaching or counseling sessions to build your confidence and identify those areas you have problems in that make people avoid you. Until this happens, you shouldn't continue forcing yourself to be social with the ladies, because even if things get better later, they will still remember the earlier awkwardness.
To expand on this, it's a really bad idea to start up a relationship with a girl for the relationship and not the girl. That's classic categorical imperative folks. It's downright unfair to use some poor girl to fulfill your selfish want of a relationship, which you only want because you feel like you should have been in one by now.
I second this. A month or so ago, I got sort-of involved with a girl, starting with her asking to go out. Not having much experience in the area (actually, having none at all), I said sure. I figured hey, why not? Might as well give it a shot, being a boyfriend could be pretty cool. I didn't even think about her really, before that first date.
After that first date, I treated her like a good friend. That's all, I really didn't know how to be a boyfriend. Trust me, there's nothing worse than getting into a relationship you don't know how to handle. We had nothing in common, she just liked me for some reason. Needless to say, nothing happened. We went out with a bunch of her friends a couple of times after that, but it just felt forced. Obviously, the "relationship", if you can even call it that, ended a few weeks later. She just dumped me, she didn't even try to talk o me about it. And I didn't care, because neither of us really wanted the relationship to go further.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that you should look before you leap. Don't go looking for a relationship, go looking for people. If you have nothing in common, if you barely even like the person, there's no point in having a relationship (unless you're just in it for the sex ;)). Don't try to make a relationship work from the start, it shouldn't be all work. If you meet someone you like to spend time with, you'll know. I hope you have more luck than I did (and do).
There's actually been a study completed recently that suggests that if you have women around you with a positive expression on their face, you automatically become more attractive anyway.
But what you've said is completely true, when your with someone your defences go down and you are just who you are as you aren't trying to impress. After this people see you for who you are. So just miss out the middle bit and be who you are anyway.
First, if that study is true, then I should have women all over me all the time (maybe that explains the fact that the vast majority of my friends are women...).
Second, that's the truth for sure. Just be you, and what you want will come naturally. It might take awhile, but you'll get there.
enough of the psycho babel. how about this... what do you look like? how do you present yourself? clothes dont make the man, but they sure help getting the girl. (Generalizing here) Women aren't so shallow that you have to look good to be worthy of a relationship but first impressions say alot about a guy. First thing off the bat is what you look like and how you present yourself. wearing certain types of clothes tips off people on what kind of person you are, lacoste polo/luckyjeans=prep, footballer jersey/baggyjeans=gangsta, old out dated shirt/skinnyjeans with mountdew stains=not all to appealing. This is how you get out of the friend range, if you can make them lust after you, the last thing they'll want to do is be just a friend.
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What's the best place to meet young and single women, or least what has been your experience for the best places? Also, what's the best way to lose this "friends-only" mantle?
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It would seem you're not looking for a quick hook-up, so that more or less nixes the club scene. I guess where you should look depends largely on what kind of woman you'd like to meet.
Truthfully, there's no one magical place where available women go. Your best bet is to be as sociable as you can. Get out there and go to as many places as you can think and talk to people. Bars, parties, group activities (workplace functions, various clubs, that sort of thing), volunteer events, outdoor activities, anything and anywhere where people congregate. Just put yourself out there.
Though you really shouldn't go with the intent to find a relationship. Not only is that a little sad, it's going to end up disappointing you more often than not. Go with the intent to have fun and meet people. Maybe make some new friends. Chances are, if you meet enough people at places where you enjoy yourself, you'll eventually meet someone you're interested in that shares at least a few interests with you.
So there's not really one single best place. It's all a matter of chance and opportunity. Best you can do is increase the odds of getting that opportunity by putting yourself out there.
Unless of course you're just in it for a quick fling. In which case, just hit any club on a weekend night and you'll probably have your pick.
The best way is to not be a friend to them. I don't understand why so many people have a problem with this. If you don't want to be their friend, don't be their friend. It all has to do with your attitude and confidence. You're nice enough that they want to hang out, but not interesting enough to want to be involved with you. So be nice enough that they don't think you're a total dick, but not so nice that they start to see you as another one of the girls.
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i know other peeps here can give better suggestions but that's all i could think of. take it from me, i'm a girl.
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Seriously though, girls are everywhere and if you can strike up a conversation, you can start to work your magic. Go to a library or something, don't talk to the girls that are just studying... unless it's a topic you're familiar with. You can base this on the books they're using. If it's something you know, try to offer some help. That's a rare occurance. Now, if a girl is in the library, just sitting and reading a book... she's basically sitting there WAITING to be broken out of the mundane. You can walk up and spark a conversation, make sure not to be a total putz and make sure you hook her interest. Then as the conversation begins to digress, suggest going to get something to drink... Coffee? I'm serious, as long as the girl feels safe, she'll pretty much be down for anything.
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To expand on this, it's a really bad idea to start up a relationship with a girl for the relationship and not the girl. That's classic categorical imperative folks. It's downright unfair to use some poor girl to fulfill your selfish want of a relationship, which you only want because you feel like you should have been in one by now.
So I'll have two sides of advice- one, don't worry about girls, just learn to be content when you're single. That shows more than you think. Being happy and not actively seeking a relationship gives you a certain aura of self-confidence that girls find a hell of a lot more appealing than some guy desperate for a girlfriend. And if not? Well, you're content anyways, so win-win. It will make you much more likely to have an actually fulfilling relationship this way, because you won't settle for someone that you don't really work with just for the purpose of having a relationship.
And if you still want to seek them out, there are lots of good places. Anywhere that you can demonstrate a common interest- clubs (not the dancing kind, the social gathering for a certain purpose kind), or through friends, and so on. Big book stores like Chapters (you guys have that right) can be great. Just be friendly, try to be spontaneous, and don't stake your manhood on the outcome of each conversation. It either works or it doesn't- if not, just like in a magic game, take stock of possible mistakes you made, and move on to the next one.
Bookstores are good, if you like to read. The bar scene generally finds you people who are in it for a quick fling, which isn't exactly a relationship. Join a few clubs. The right one for you is out there somewhere.
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Yeah, I know a clerk at Blockbuster who flirts with a lot of girls, he eventually met someone who flirted back and now they've been together for 4 months. Movies, books, you name it. Just have any reason to talk to them, and you have instant conversation. Being a clerk or assistant helps a LOT, makes you look like less of a jerk if you walk up to a nice girl and ask her if there's anything she'd like to look at.
I second that. And I'll also add a recommendation that you let the girl know that you're interested as soon as possible after meeting her (without being creepy) - that way you're less likely to be inadvertently placed in the friend zone before you make your intentions clear.
~ramblings of a girl who really has very little experience in this stuff anyway;)
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Nah. Nothing wrong with flirting as long as you don't take it further. It's fun for both parties involved!
Personally I would try to avoid using the internet. Real life is much more rewarding and you are much likely to get a good first impression that way.
Why join the Jaycees?
Because it is a win-win situation. They do three things. Community Service, Fund Raising and Social activites.
Community service can be feeding the homeless, helping inner city children, volunteering at community events, etc. It's rewarding, and you get to meet a lot of people this way. Many of which have good connections and can also help you in the job market.
Fund Raising can be as fun as the socials, because you get to work with the people who are also members. The vast majority of fund raisers involve beer. Pouring beer at sporting events, community concerts, festivals, etc.
Socials can be anything from camping trips, ski trips, bar hops, concerts, sporting events, etc. Again, you get to meet a lot of people this way, both in and outside of the club.
In summary, the Jaycees give you the opportunity to meet people, and generally a reason to be talk to good people about subjects other than magic, video games, role playing, etc. The more people you meet, the more opportunty there is to find a date. The more dates you have, the more likely you find a relationship. And while you do it, you're generally helping your community out. That is why it is a win-win.
I think I speak for a lot of guys when I say that I've been positively more attractive and girls have been showing up way more than before now that I'm in a solid relationship for 16 months. What this teaches you? When you're happy and finally settled down, being sympathetic and nice becomes natural, not an artificial way to try to make women look at you. I'm sure that I'm better company now than I was when I was single. If you are single and looking for someone it's hard to be nice and sympathetic and all that without second intentions. Every nice/good looking woman you meet becomes a possible girlfriend, and you obviously will act accordingly. You have to act just like you would if you had a girl: calm, settled down, sympathetic (but not not too nice: after all, ''you have a girl'' :P), funny, but nothing too extreme. This calm spirit and displayed safety makes women around you feel safe to talk to you: They won't see you like a guy that's just counting the minutes to take off their clothes, neither like some extremely cute but desperate guy that they feel they can help. It's the balance between a guy that wants nothing but to have fun with a lot of girls and the guy that wants ''that one girl'' so bad he becomes a cute friend rather than a possible boyfriend.
Like others mentioned here, be happy, and be there. Go out, put yourself out there, show to others that you are single but you are satisfied and happy with your single life. Treat flirting like a fun exercise: Do it for the fun and the ''what if?'' factor, not as a way to achieve a goal. When you do something funny or say something cheesy just to see what happens rather than doing that *expecting* some result, as annoying as that will sound, you will see some results.
You're in a perfect age and there's a lot of lonely, hot women out there just waiting for a intelligent, easy going, happy guy to show up and sweep them off their feet. Just be yourself, always, in every situation, and put your best smile, and you're golden
And never forget: confidence is key. That's probably been said 128128129121 times by now, but it's tried and true.
Agreed, I met my current girlfriend of over a year and a half at an advanced placement history conference at my old high school. let me tell ya, nothing to set the mood for romance like hearing an archaeologist about how he drained a dead guy's brains out of his nose (i'm absolutely not joking).
Many thanks to ChibiSwan of The Ugly Swan for the great banner!
As a bit of a side note, if a female doesn't...er...care for your presence but doesn't outright acknowledge that she doesn't care for you, what's a good way to call her on it? I've been in situations where girls didn't like me all that much, but when I tried to ask them about it, they...well, didn't tell me anything useful and pretty much denied it. Afterwards, things were always worse. Not even with girls I wanted out, just girls I wanted as friends. What's a good way to confront someone on something like that without making it worse?
About any "subpar" mechanics or cards: Context is king.
If I make a templating or grammar error, let me know.
The franchise MtG most resembles is Battlestar Galactica. Why? Its players exist in, at most, a dozen different models at any given point in time, with perhaps up to 3% variation, 5% if you're lucky.
Slow down, relax, back off, and go about your usual business. Females can tell when something's not quite right in your life, and head the other direction. Of course they won't tell you what's wrong, because they're conditioned to the old rule "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all."
Could also be they just don't click with your personality style, and don't really know why ("There's something about you that rubs me the wrong way but I can't really put my finger on it") so naturally they can't tell you what that is.
If that's the case with only one or a few girls, then don't worry. But it sounds like it's a problem with a lot of girls, so naturally it raises some red flags. Maybe you should pay for coaching or counseling sessions to build your confidence and identify those areas you have problems in that make people avoid you. Until this happens, you shouldn't continue forcing yourself to be social with the ladies, because even if things get better later, they will still remember the earlier awkwardness.
After that first date, I treated her like a good friend. That's all, I really didn't know how to be a boyfriend. Trust me, there's nothing worse than getting into a relationship you don't know how to handle. We had nothing in common, she just liked me for some reason. Needless to say, nothing happened. We went out with a bunch of her friends a couple of times after that, but it just felt forced. Obviously, the "relationship", if you can even call it that, ended a few weeks later. She just dumped me, she didn't even try to talk o me about it. And I didn't care, because neither of us really wanted the relationship to go further.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that you should look before you leap. Don't go looking for a relationship, go looking for people. If you have nothing in common, if you barely even like the person, there's no point in having a relationship (unless you're just in it for the sex ;)). Don't try to make a relationship work from the start, it shouldn't be all work. If you meet someone you like to spend time with, you'll know. I hope you have more luck than I did (and do).
Thanks to the [Æther] shop for the sig!
First, if that study is true, then I should have women all over me all the time (maybe that explains the fact that the vast majority of my friends are women...).
Second, that's the truth for sure. Just be you, and what you want will come naturally. It might take awhile, but you'll get there.
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Thanks for the Sig and Avatar Fogatog @EPIC GRAPHICS