I was in my Psychology class no more than a month or two ago (well I guess that is a while but that's irrelevant), when my Psychology teacher told us that if you ever have the chance to introduce another person into the relationship or another two people or whatever, if you really care about the person you're with or the character of the relationship, do not do it. As a psychologist, he said that every couple's case in which this occurred inevitably ended in a terrible failure do the complex emotions felt, the connections to the third person, and a bunch of other stuff.
Here's where I come in. I have a serious relationship with my girlfriend, and we love each other very much. And then there's this girl that we both find attractive. I used to have a small crush on her, and my girlfriend does currently- she condones same-sex relationships, but is feeling rather confused and hypocritical, for the lack of a better term, about this girl. We spoke about it, and I totally supported her feelings for the girl (I was like "SCORE!!"), but my girlfriend came back to me and told me that it hurt her because it was something that was fundamentally wrong and bad for the relationship. I can't say that I don't agree, especially with my Psych teacher's intense warning signs, but the idea of being with both of them is just too hot to keep my mind off of. So in actuality, it's a case versus my mind and conscience (Religion taken into account) versus my libido teamed up with the society's reinforcement of the belief that 2 girls + you = GG.
What do you think? What should I do? My girlfriend and I have stuck through some crazy things, but everyone says it's an auto-lose. I recommended that she just try kissing another girl once to see how she feels about it, but I'm her first kiss and she says she doesn't want to taint that.
Right now we've stuck on "No." but it's sure to come up again because they see each other all the time.
I also agree that adding in a third person is a recipe for disaster. If I was you, I wouldn't touch this one. Just leave it as it is, both of you liking the look of her, and not doing anything about it. Otherwise, you'll probably be looking at the end of a good thing.
In a perfect world with maturity and no insecurities or conflicting emotions, it could work. But since this isn't a perfect world, you're just setting yourself up for drama.
It might be a hot idea in theory, but it's near-impossible to execute without negative ramifications. Even as a one time only deal, it's impossible for your relationship not to be affected in some way. Especially since you admitted that both you and your girlfriend have had (or do currently have) crushes on this other girl. That's just insane. Even for a threesome to hypothetically work, there can't be any feelings on the line. Since you've got a powder keg of complex issues on this one, do yourself a favor and not pursue it. Apologize to your dick and walk away from the idea, cuz it'll cause nothing but problems.
Thanks for the responses guys. The discussion can keep going (especially if there are further developments), perhaps if someone disagrees, but all I needed was some guys to tell me "Yeah, it may be hot, but it's not worth it." It would ruin everything, and perhaps if I were with two drunk girls at a party and I were single then yeah, it would be an opportunity, but I have something to lose here. Now all I need to do is find a way to tell the other chick to back off my girlfriend, because she's the one putting thoughts in her head. Before, when this idea was up in the air, I didn't really care, but now that I'm starting to take a side I'm getting kinda pissed.
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Getting the last word does not mean that you win the argument.
Bad idea. It sounds pretty hot but its something that should be discussed at the beginning of a relationship. If I liked another woman and had a bf I probably wouldn't want to share her with him. Men seem to think that 2 women is more appealing than 2 men. I dunno about that. It could be pretty hawt...if I got to pick the 2 men.
No healthy self respecting woman would let you do this, so no. You may have lost the game already, by your reaction to the idea. Now it may be that she simply doesn't trust you.
Maybe it would have been different, if she had suggested it first, and you had kept your cool about it.
I guess I'll chime in as the opposition here. Penn & Teller actually did an episode of Bull**** last year on Family Values. In that episode they interviewed a happily married couple, each of whom has a lover in addition to their spouse. There hasn't been any added stress on their relationship and they are happier in their marriage with that added element. Obviously, both partners in the relationship have to be completely comfortable with the additional sex partner and statistics are against you, but it is fallacious to say that every case ends in failure. That's simply not true.
I was in my Psychology class no more than a month or two ago (well I guess that is a while but that's irrelevant), when my Psychology teacher told us that if you ever have the chance to introduce another person into the relationship or another two people or whatever, if you really care about the person you're with or the character of the relationship, do not do it. As a psychologist, he said that every couple's case in which this occurred inevitably ended in a terrible failure do the complex emotions felt, the connections to the third person, and a bunch of other stuff.
Here's where I come in. I have a serious relationship with my girlfriend, and we love each other very much. And then there's this girl that we both find attractive. I used to have a small crush on her, and my girlfriend does currently- she condones same-sex relationships, but is feeling rather confused and hypocritical, for the lack of a better term, about this girl. We spoke about it, and I totally supported her feelings for the girl (I was like "SCORE!!"), but my girlfriend came back to me and told me that it hurt her because it was something that was fundamentally wrong and bad for the relationship. I can't say that I don't agree, especially with my Psych teacher's intense warning signs, but the idea of being with both of them is just too hot to keep my mind off of. So in actuality, it's a case versus my mind and conscience (Religion taken into account) versus my libido teamed up with the society's reinforcement of the belief that 2 girls + you = GG.
What do you think? What should I do? My girlfriend and I have stuck through some crazy things, but everyone says it's an auto-lose. I recommended that she just try kissing another girl once to see how she feels about it, but I'm her first kiss and she says she doesn't want to taint that.
Right now we've stuck on "No." but it's sure to come up again because they see each other all the time.
Something you're not even factoring in is the second girl's part in this. She'd have to have a say as well. You really can't just look at her as a sexual object of some sort. if you guys wanted to do this, it should be for all three of your guys's enjoyment.
No healthy self respecting woman would let you do this, so no. You may have lost the game already, by your reaction to the idea. Now it may be that she simply doesn't trust you.
Maybe it would have been different, if she had suggested it first, and you had kept your cool about it.
Well yeah, but she brought it up first, I complied with it, and then after a little while I thought about it more and told her I didn't like the idea, that it was just my ***** talking and not my mind, and I apologized. She communicated that she was hurt that I complied because she knew it was a bad idea and she thought I would agree. We resumed the normal relationship, and only now has the issue risen again, but after talking to her today I told her I liked that we thought about it but it's something that shouldn't happen. I'm hoping that we can just wait it out until she doesn't have these feelings anymore, but if they come up I want her to come to me with them and not go to the other girl.
I'm way delicate about this sort of thing, and (in response to someone else, don't remember who) I didn't want to bring it up in the beginning of the relationship because I didn't want to come off as a scumbag who was thinking about that sort of thing. She would have left me immediately.
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Getting the last word does not mean that you win the argument.
If you really want a 3 Way experience that will be both healthy and fondly memorable through out your life, pay top dollar for two beautiful prostitutes and enjoy that night for what it is. Do not get the woman you love mixed up in it... unless of course she wants it more than you, then you'll probably have to allow it just to keep her at bay... but it will most certainly lead to drama.
trying to take a closed, monogamous relationship into something else generally ends badly. if the relationship wasn't open at the get-go, i wouldn't suggest changing it now.
think of everyone's feelings in this, not only your own.
Well, polyamory isn't necessarily inherently bad, but it's hardly for everyone. The way I see it, when it comes to amorous relationships, three is a crowd. There are certain trust and intimacy issues that come along with it, and it's hard to reconcile that with adding the extra layers of complication (three relationships overlapping in the same space).
Ask youself this; why would you want to do it? One reason you posed was because it would be sexually stimulating. That in itself should be pretty revealing. An intimate relationship based only on the building block of sexual attraction can have its own problems; and if you fold that into a preexisting relationship that was based off of more, I think you can see how that'd be an issue.
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All that I yearn for, for richer or poorer, is to be the light that you see. All that I yearn for, for richer or poorer, is to be the peace that you feel. All that I yearn for, for richer or poorer, is to fill your heart on my own.
But the rainbow is an image of hope for many reasons, as it is a brilliant sight coming out of oftimes dismal weather.
Here's where I come in. I have a serious relationship with my girlfriend, and we love each other very much. And then there's this girl that we both find attractive. I used to have a small crush on her, and my girlfriend does currently- she condones same-sex relationships, but is feeling rather confused and hypocritical, for the lack of a better term, about this girl. We spoke about it, and I totally supported her feelings for the girl (I was like "SCORE!!"), but my girlfriend came back to me and told me that it hurt her because it was something that was fundamentally wrong and bad for the relationship. I can't say that I don't agree, especially with my Psych teacher's intense warning signs, but the idea of being with both of them is just too hot to keep my mind off of. So in actuality, it's a case versus my mind and conscience (Religion taken into account) versus my libido teamed up with the society's reinforcement of the belief that 2 girls + you = GG.
What do you think? What should I do? My girlfriend and I have stuck through some crazy things, but everyone says it's an auto-lose. I recommended that she just try kissing another girl once to see how she feels about it, but I'm her first kiss and she says she doesn't want to taint that.
Right now we've stuck on "No." but it's sure to come up again because they see each other all the time.
My helpdesk should you need me.
It might be a hot idea in theory, but it's near-impossible to execute without negative ramifications. Even as a one time only deal, it's impossible for your relationship not to be affected in some way. Especially since you admitted that both you and your girlfriend have had (or do currently have) crushes on this other girl. That's just insane. Even for a threesome to hypothetically work, there can't be any feelings on the line. Since you've got a powder keg of complex issues on this one, do yourself a favor and not pursue it. Apologize to your dick and walk away from the idea, cuz it'll cause nothing but problems.
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Maybe it would have been different, if she had suggested it first, and you had kept your cool about it.
Something you're not even factoring in is the second girl's part in this. She'd have to have a say as well. You really can't just look at her as a sexual object of some sort. if you guys wanted to do this, it should be for all three of your guys's enjoyment.
Well yeah, but she brought it up first, I complied with it, and then after a little while I thought about it more and told her I didn't like the idea, that it was just my ***** talking and not my mind, and I apologized. She communicated that she was hurt that I complied because she knew it was a bad idea and she thought I would agree. We resumed the normal relationship, and only now has the issue risen again, but after talking to her today I told her I liked that we thought about it but it's something that shouldn't happen. I'm hoping that we can just wait it out until she doesn't have these feelings anymore, but if they come up I want her to come to me with them and not go to the other girl.
I'm way delicate about this sort of thing, and (in response to someone else, don't remember who) I didn't want to bring it up in the beginning of the relationship because I didn't want to come off as a scumbag who was thinking about that sort of thing. She would have left me immediately.
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@BillyTheFridge
think of everyone's feelings in this, not only your own.
Ask youself this; why would you want to do it? One reason you posed was because it would be sexually stimulating. That in itself should be pretty revealing. An intimate relationship based only on the building block of sexual attraction can have its own problems; and if you fold that into a preexisting relationship that was based off of more, I think you can see how that'd be an issue.
All that I yearn for, for richer or poorer, is to be the peace that you feel.
All that I yearn for, for richer or poorer, is to fill your heart on my own.
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