@Ninja: Hey, that's cool! Who's the lucky sibling? Maybe now we can call you Unca Ninja.
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All that I yearn for, for richer or poorer, is to be the light that you see. All that I yearn for, for richer or poorer, is to be the peace that you feel. All that I yearn for, for richer or poorer, is to fill your heart on my own.
But the rainbow is an image of hope for many reasons, as it is a brilliant sight coming out of oftimes dismal weather.
Anyway, update on me. Last week I had a very good and peaceful week, overall. Actually, for a while now I've felt suprisingly positive and had an easier time dealing with stress. However, today was horrible. I was just in an awful mood the entire time. All the despair and negativity and tension that I thought I was getting over all seems to have come back. I'm worried that this will just be a hell-week, but I'm trying to remain optimistic since my fear of that will probably be the strongest factor in bringing it about (as is often the case).
Life is so confusing. Today I had this periodical review by my boss at work. What shes does is listen in on some of my calls and then she does a review of my performance in an interview. She said I have well above average skills in the area of customer service (politeness, responsivity, professional attitude, being informative, that kind of thing), but that my agressiveness in getting a complete sale is weak and that I tend to just let people go without a second thought if it seems like they might pose resistance. This is all true, of course. Anyway, another thing she said was that I should try to sound more upbeat, because she claimed I tend to speak in a monotone, and - here's the clincher - that "Most of the guys who work here seem to do that. I think it's just easier for a girl to sound perky."
My first reaction was to want to pinch her. My second was to think, "Could it be I sound flat because I'm bored to tears?" Of course, I acted on neither of these impulses, because I'm sure it would have warranted badness, and because my boss is really a nice lady (incidentally, when she talks to me, she tends to approach me like I'm some frightened woodland creature who might scamper off at any moment. Which is fair, since that's basically how I act most of the time).
It left me feeling very sour, though. I was partly upset because I let it get me upset. I thought I was at the point where I was no longer so bothered by silly little things like that. Of course, I do have a male-sounding voice. I know that, I'm not completely out of touch with reality. I guess I just don't like being reminded of it. It's a dumb thing to get upset about, I suppose, but I did anyway.
The row I sit in is full of women, where in the past there have been at least a few men or boys around. That's fine, I like all of them, but if there's a nearly homogenous group and one odd person out (and let's face it, that's me) it draws attention to the difference. Usually they'll get into conversations about their ex-boyfriends or ex-husbands who have wrong them, ending with some comment about how frustrating or exasperating men are, then looking at me and amending, "Well, except you. You're a nice one."
I appreciate the courteous distinction and the recognition of my apparently sex-incongruent niceness, but it still bugs me that such a distinction has to be made in the first place. Maybe it's a little juvenile, but I can't seem to avoid feeling that way.
I guess some people are just unlucky. Though, I will now quickly add that I am certainly more lucky than others, and I have a lot of advantages in other areas of life (i.e. I'm not estranged from loved ones, I don't have kids to take care of, no huge debts, etc.) to be thankful for.
As a side note, today it was brought to my attention once again how whenever I start to ask myself why I've so often felt disdain or timidness concerning the act of sex, I overhear a conversation about someone else's sexual experience and it all becomes clear. It's funny how there are times when castration, frigidity, or impotence actually sound like they'd be more convenient than not, as extreme as it must be to say that.
Anyway, thanks for listening to me moan and whine. Maybe things will look better after a good night's sleep.
To me, at least, ANYTHING can feel better after a good night's sleep.
I know it's a little late, but we're all here behind you if you ever wanna let it all out. It's more interesting hearing about other's lives anyway.
Every time you mention Ryan, I get confused and wonder what I did.
Then I remember.
Funny...you were always Yukora to me. At least, you were after hearing you say you prefer it. I agree, that there are too many Ryans. Only found 2 other Jacks on the whole board. Trip jacks for us.
Just wanted to pop in and say that my entry for round 3 of the FCC is up. Lemme know what ya think!
WOW! I really like that card, for some reason. Reanimator loves it. Deep drawback, but all that needs to be done is to not target creatures in an opponent's graveyard, right?
Hi, everyone. I had kind of a rotten day at work again, but at least now I'm home and in a reasonably good mood. I miss four-day weeks. *sigh*
I really desparately want a new job, but I just don't see it happening . . .
Mamelon, I commend you for always knowing how to make some of the longest posts ever. Good to see you have had a better day. Also hope things go well with your job. It's a sad thing to hear when people don't like their job.
Anyways, hi guys. I'm hoping to become more active here.
For those of you that don't know me, i'm obsessed with art + music. I make sig banners (obv obv) and I also do larger vector pieces, one of which became a finalist in the Young Australian Art Awards. I love to listen to music and I like to rant about it too.
and Congratulations to SnoopDogg for the 2007th post! Man, I can't believe its 2007 already...! back when i was a kid i used to calculate this as the year i'd finish college.. and now i AM actually almost finished w/ college..... wow...
Congrats on almost finished college, Danica. My sister, while on the subject, may also finish school a semester early. That's really cool for her, since she loves it at college. She goes to Clemson, by the way.
@Post cookies: to Nai for 1990th post, as that's when I was born....:sweat:
I'm kinda meh on it. I'm not as into the game as I used to be, and there are fewer cards that catch my eye than most sets have.
Quote from Mamelon again »
has anyone else here felt sickened, frightened, or otherwise averse to sex or romance (such as during adolescence)? If so, how come? And, it's its not too personal, did your first experience (from kissing to sexual experience) make it any better, if you've had one?
Obviously this is a kind of personal question, but I'll be as honest as I'm comfortable with.
I'm a virgin, I've never kissed anyone (saving myself for someone at least a little special), and I've never been in a serious relationship. (I'd like to think that this is because of my conscious choice, not because I'm a loser who can't get a significant other - I have spent the past full year avoiding getting into a relationship with a friend who I'm fully aware would like to be with me, since this person has told everyone on earth. I don't mean that to sound braggy; the whole thing has been very awkward for me, and has also made my friendships with some of our mutual friends awkward.)
Anyway, I'm currently in a state of very intentional singlehood. Someday, my opinion may change, but for now I feel as if I can serve the other things I need to do - school is a main one, but I also have other responsibilties - if I'm not trying to care for another person's heart, and if my heart is not given over to another human. It sounds terrible to put it into these terms, but a significant other is not a responsibility I wish to have right now. I'm fortunate that at this point in my life I am in an emotional state where I do not have a deep yearning for a significant other; I'm more than able to feel very complete as a single person.
To actually answer the question - I certainly feel romantic attraction towards some people at some times - I suspect this is true of most people - though not strongly enough to feel tempted to actually persue anything. They say guys think about sex, like, an awful lot. I certainly don't; it's not a huge part of my agenda. I won't lie; I sometimes check people out and everything, but 'get some sex' is not a major life goal. The whole jumping from partner to partner thing is not at all part of my M.O. at all. To the point, I don't feel terribly averse to the idea of physical intimacy, but I don't find the notion particularly enthralling. At times in my life, I've been more hormonal, and the idea of physical intimacy in whatever form has held a lot more appeal; I suppose if there were someone who I was really willing to give myself over to emotionally, the idea of physical intimacy would seem a little less bleh. (Also, as I'm concerned about my own purity, it's possible that I've squelched the parts of me that are all about getting me some sex. I'm no psychologist.)
Mamelon: I've oftentimes felt averse to sex and romance, usually because I notice how important it seems to the human race, and I have to wonder if it really is all that fantastic. I'm sort of worried it won't end up being so. Since everything humanity does seems to be based in some aspect of sex (romance, not so much), I'd be annoyed if it wasn't all that good, yet my behavior still revolves around it. Romance... Well, I just get irritated when the girl (haven't had a relationship with a guy yet) just strings me along and doesn't break up for some odd reason, and I have to deal with that. And, so far, no experiences to break that feeling.
But I'm rather proud of my virginity (getting through high school 'intact' like that seems to be a big deal nowadays), and I'd rather keep it and wait for the right time than give it up and wish I hadn't. I might be missing out (many have told me so), but at least the first time will be worth it.
DDR: I sucked, as usual. I got close to beating Max 300 for the first time, but I'm just too tired by that point in the game. I only had the stamina for two games today. Boy, that's a bad sign.
Charlie: Welcome to the Coffeehouse. It seems its been getting a lot of new regulars lately... Soon we'll be getting (gasp) 10 pages a day!
Alacar's DDR: I'd love to have a game like that. I often wish to have a DDR with songs I actually listen to. Like, say... I don't know. Nightwish
Multiple Names: There's no other Nai on this site, that I'm aware of, and I doubt my real name has many doubles either. Though, I'm not sayin' it.
Alacar's Card: Awesome, I really like it. And I don't find the drawback all that bad. A single card with haste could potentially win you the game.
Sex & Relationships: I've only had one moderately intimate relationship in the past with someone I actually could touch, and that ended badly (my heart was shattered). I am still a virgin (eesh.. 19 years old), but I'm proud to say that I am saving it for the woman I love, who has been with me long distance for over 2 years now. She is too young for me to even touch at the moment so it's best that we're separated.. but believe you me, as soon as she's 18 I am :symtap:ing that!
I'll try and find out the name of that DDR game for you guys. It's very generic and doesn't have a lot of panache, with its main selling point being that you insert a music CD and it'll scan it, then you can dance to the songs.
I'm right before Ganondorf on the final stage of Twilight Princess! Woo! I love this game! I wanna play it again. Though I do need to start FFXII at some point.. my dad has reposessed his PS2 though, so meh. I'll prolly play more Zelda or something. Or get Super Mario Sunshine.
Don't feel too bad about quiting. I'm considering it too, since there's no people I know in the area that plays or a card shop. I'd probably keep my cards and just play on MWS.
Grats, Ninja!
As for the whole sex issue, while it'd be nice to have, its not very high on my 'to do' list. I'm 19 and still a virgin too. It doesn't bug me at all. Because if anyone says anything to me about it, then, chances are, that person won't be able to have sex again.
It's possible to, using an ordinary copy of DDR StepMania and perhaps an additional program, make your own stepfile. (A DDR song is essentially three things - the music itself, the background image, and the stepfile, which records what arrows come when.) All you have to do is determine the BPM of the song, then enter what arrows you want to appear when. Hook the pad up to your laptop or computer, and you can dance your own songs! (I'll ask my roommate, the one that actually does this all of the time, for more details. If I can get him offa WoW.)
Unfortunately, Joyd, I'm fairly sure that you can't do that on a normal DDR game. The game can't read new music CDs. You CAN on Stepmania, the online game, but it's REALLY hard to hook up the Pad, since you have to reconfigure it for the computer. That, and I've never actually gotten Stempania to work.
Alacar: I think I"ll pass 19, personally. It'd be funny to see who can last longer, as opposed to the normal male but of who can 'get some' sooner.
Time for some Grand Theft Auto. With cheats, of course, so that I can enjoy rampages.
@ Super mario sunshine: Meh, i never really liked it. its just another mayio with some fun toys really. There are some fun puzzles though.
@Stepmania: good fun When i get bored i try to make my own and stuffs, and its cool too Download songs you actually like for it
@ WOW: Well there was a huuuge traffic backup for people rushing for the new expansion today... Man I wish people did realize it really destroys your life. Its fun, but it just eats it...
Well White is now spoiled for planar chaos. Nothing really special in my mind, I see a good removal spell (nodes) and a good save me critter (Dust elemental) and a jank rare (stupid 20 life) and a interesting wannna be meddling mage (Voidstone gargoyle)
Black really did turn out Super powerful. it got a new cranial for 1 thats uncouterable, A wrath of god, and some other stuff thats ok. I just hope there wont be any more super broken tek for black, since blue red green needs some stuff too, but than again red looks good enough at the moment with the Mass +X+0 spell, The Geddon, and torchling (i liked the ferrets idea, and i might tinker with a casual deck like that)
In blue im sadly seeing nothing noteworthy. So far it looks like blue got shafted.
Green.... Well i dont see much there other than the Ball lightning and Maybe timbermare if it becomes abusable Somehow (i doubt it).
Pc looks good to me, It looks like a huge money set but i look at it again, and theres only 9-10 playable cards in standard constructed. Im not sure atm though, I might be proven wrong.....
White, ruined in PC? I highly disagree with that one. I think that white's got a very different identity in PC, but it's still got some great power. Especially with what I've seen of white bounce and token generation, not to mention kill. I doubt the 20-life card (can't seem to remember the name) will ever be considered anything but jank in certain circles, but I'll play the hell out of it, believe me. It'd go great with Bonds of Agony for a semi-finisher, that's for sure.
@Alacar: You want me to create one of your lead characters for the new set? Alrighty. Any suggestions/guidelines?
Off to do the first new Weekly Underdog in some time, people. Be sure to stop by N20 and read it once I'm done! NES gamers will surely appreciate this week's entry.
Buzz: Hey, that's cool. It's funny, and I feel kinda happy to see me quoted directly in someone's sig like that.
Nai: I beat TP.. and the Magic Armor actually saved my skin on the final battle.. 1000 rupees, and nothing to spend it on? Magic Armor time. and GAH the ending.. GAH!!!! GAHHHH!!!!!!!! GGRRAAAAGGHHHH!!!!!
ethersphere: As long as it's not stereotypical, or is anything similar to what we have in Academy block. Same goes for you too, Nai.
I beat TP.. and the Magic Armor actually saved my skin on the final battle.. 1000 rupees, and nothing to spend it on? Magic Armor time. and GAH the ending.. GAH!!!! GAHHHH!!!!!!!! GGRRAAAAGGHHHH!!!!!
What about the ending didn't you like, Alacar? I thought it was a fine ending. The last part of Ganondorf seemed a tad easy, though. And as a matter of fact, the whole fight did, at least to me.
And is it just me, or in the last few cutscences, where Midna is leaving, does she call Link a queerface?
@PC: I like it. I'm pretty dang excited for the prerelease saturday! The only thing I really didn't like was the Red Akroma. Burned me up how she doesn't even have haste. At least she is a 6/6 still, unlike the previously rumored 4/4.
And BRAIDS?!? Talk about new hotness. Man, what a good card.
Jack: You play FFR? Im _pandaman_ on FFR. What are you ranked? I'm ranked 1988 :D. I know a guy personally who made TK and his old account was ranked like 98 for a while.
Too many secret songs for me to have to unlock
on TP:
Even though the Ganondorf fight was easy, i have a way to make it easier.
1. Target Ganondorf.
2. Pull out your Fishing Rod.
3. Cast your Fishing Rod.
4. Hack away.
Repeat. For some reason, Ganondorf is distracted by the fishing rod, stop what he's doing, and leave himself wide open. I did this on my second run through. It was great. He didn't lay a hand on me. Of course I beat him legit beforehand
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Uncle [T]utor of the [T]'s Winner of Weekly Contest 46!
@Yusuke: LMAO, that's hilarious. I'll have to try that some time. Harkens back to the old days of reflecting fireballs with the bug net in Link to the Past.
@Mamelon: Not revulsion towards sex, specifically, but I didn't want a real relationship until I turned about 20. Now I find myself wishing I had some significant other, not for sex, but for companionship (ie, I am lonely). I never really felt I needed another person in my life like this until college. Most likely, it is a natural, hormonal thing - if humans weren't programmed to seek out other humans and, well, f***, we'd all be... not dead, but unborn. We are required to like sex as a condition of our existence at all. (Clarification - what I mean is that while we can choose to not have sex, all concious thought aside, our ancestors had to want to have sex, or our species never would have happened. We're free to choose not to now, but it's in our programming, so to speak.)
Meh, I can never get my point across when I want to. What I want to say is that the human brain is a mess due to all the natural forces at work on it. We're programmed to do things the biological way, when we live in un-biological-friendly conditions. If you feel like you want a relationship now, well, I'd say that's normal.
@Stepmania: I play stepmania, and have a fair number of songs for it. I've actually made my own steps for a few songs, too.
@Yusuke: Well, all of my friends called me obssessed with it for a while. I don't blame them. I currently have 18,008 credits(Still aiming for 20,000 for Rottel da Station), and am ranked 488. If I could get up a few videos of me doing some songs, I would, but I need a webcam for that. Oh, and my account is harrythecabledude. I was a freshman at the time.......so sue me.
@Alacar:
Oh...you mean the part where she completely broke the mirror. Eh, that was kinda stupid, but Nintendo aimed more for "destiny accomplished" or something stupid like that.
But I agree. That was so stupid. We now know that she won't be appearing in any more Zelda games. At least if she does, it'll be stupid.
@Jack: I started when I was a freshmen too. I actually had close to 20000 credits, but apparently I got some from my friend that he got from a cheater (accidently), so i got 4000 credits taken away.
They also have a new song that is 25000 credits. Evil people at FFR
@stuff: Greatest. Avatar. Ever. Seriously.
EDIT: For all of you GHII fans, and those who would appreciate good guitaring, listen to Gemini at www.myspace.com/briankahanek
good stuff
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Uncle [T]utor of the [T]'s Winner of Weekly Contest 46!
Joyd, Alacar, Nai, Mr. Stuff, thanks for sharing, that's what I was looking for, and it helped.
Quote from Joyd »
Obviously this is a kind of personal question, but I'll be as honest as I'm comfortable with.
Of course. I wouldn't want to ask someone to share something unless they were comfortable with it.
I'm a virgin, I've never kissed anyone (saving myself for someone at least a little special), and I've never been in a serious relationship. (I'd like to think that this is because of my conscious choice, not because I'm a loser who can't get a significant other - I have spent the past full year avoiding getting into a relationship with a friend who I'm fully aware would like to be with me, since this person has told everyone on earth. I don't mean that to sound braggy; the whole thing has been very awkward for me, and has also made my friendships with some of our mutual friends awkward.)
Mhm, I understand this. I'm the same except I was in a serious relationshiop before, it just wasn't very physically intimate.
Anyway, I'm currently in a state of very intentional singlehood. Someday, my opinion may change, but for now I feel as if I can serve the other things I need to do - school is a main one, but I also have other responsibilties - if I'm not trying to care for another person's heart, and if my heart is not given over to another human. It sounds terrible to put it into these terms, but a significant other is not a responsibility I wish to have right now. I'm fortunate that at this point in my life I am in an emotional state where I do not have a deep yearning for a significant other; I'm more than able to feel very complete as a single person.
I can appreciate this. See, even though I have this nutty romantic side, I don't think I'm truly emotionally prepared for such a relationship, anyway. Most people need to learn to be okay by themselves before they can manage a very intimate relationship well, I think. It's so easy to get sucked into something because of overwhelming feelings, lose sense of boundaries, and end up helplessly attached to someone - either that, or become so taken over by the intensity of the experience that you have to pull away. This is alsy why I think it's not a bad idea to be friends first, then lovers.
They say guys think about sex, like, an awful lot. I certainly don't; it's not a huge part of my agenda. I won't lie; I sometimes check people out and everything, but 'get some sex' is not a major life goal.
Yeah, I know what you mean. I'm not sure I really count as a "guy," but I only think about sex every so often, maybe a few times a day (rather than once every two minutes or whatever it is people said it was). More on that later. Basically, you feel sexual responses in passing, but you're not exactly driving to have sex. Right?
The whole jumping from partner to partner thing is not at all part of my M.O. at all. To the point, I don't feel terribly averse to the idea of physical intimacy, but I don't find the notion particularly enthralling. At times in my life, I've been more hormonal, and the idea of physical intimacy in whatever form has held a lot more appeal; I suppose if there were someone who I was really willing to give myself over to emotionally, the idea of physical intimacy would seem a little less bleh. (Also, as I'm concerned about my own purity, it's possible that I've squelched the parts of me that are all about getting me some sex. I'm no psychologist.)
I think I understand this, but I'm not sure. For me, there is a lot of internal conflict involved with sexuality. When I do get hormonal, and such, it's kind of miserable and confusing, because while it's a perfectly normal and neutral feeling, I get upset and angry because of it. I don't want to feel that way. I get angry at my body. It responds in ways that make me feel bad, to simplify. I'm not sure how to explain it.
An example, spoiled, for it may be too-much-information:
Do you ever wake up with and erection and just feel utterly disgusted, with both yourself and it? I don't know, maybe most people never feel that way. Orindary sexual reactions like this usually have caused me to become disturbed, despondent, and confused. It seems to happen less and less often the older I get, though.
I don't mind so much having a sexual side, and on its own I don't feel bad about it anymore. I just don't want anyone to see it. I don't like the idea of being attracted to someone (maybe because I am forced to see myself as a guy being turned on, which is uncomfortable).
But, anyway, I understand your feeling of wanting to wait for the person who feels right. Someone you love and who loves you, that can make the event special. I want that, too.
Quote from Nai »
Mamelon: I've oftentimes felt averse to sex and romance, usually because I notice how important it seems to the human race, and I have to wonder if it really is all that fantastic. I'm sort of worried it won't end up being so. Since everything humanity does seems to be based in some aspect of sex (romance, not so much), I'd be annoyed if it wasn't all that good, yet my behavior still revolves around it. Romance... Well, I just get irritated when the girl (haven't had a relationship with a guy yet) just strings me along and doesn't break up for some odd reason, and I have to deal with that. And, so far, no experiences to break that feeling.
Yeah, I think I get that. It seems like our race is just obsessed with sex. It's like a bottomless thirst, consuming and avaricious.
In fact, I've been doing some thinking and hunger seems to be a perfect analog to sexuality in my mind.
There are some dreams I've had in which I was very afraid of being eaten, or that somehow revolved around me being eaten up by some predator, and occasionally I notice this symbol being prevelant in my conscious mind. I don't really know how to describe the sensation of this fear, but I've come to realize that it is a very sexual symbol.
I heard a little story once about how when the gods first made humans, they loved them so much that they ate them. This is analogous to parents' love for their children, whom they not only cherish and protect, but they give of themselves. The infant world is like being merged with these greater, stronger beings, not dissimilar to being physically connected to the mother in the womb. There is some sentiment that this is very similar to sexual desire, the impetus to be utterly consumed in another person, to forgo boundaries and feel that closeness again.
It's poetic, but I think it's condign. I think that's sort of how I see sex. I'm afraid of what would happen if I had sex with someone, how I'd feel. I'm afraid of being drawn in and losing my already somewhat gossamer sense of identity - of being eaten, devoured.
Lately, every now and then, when I feel more comfortable with these kinds of thoughts, I recognize a deep feeling of wanting to be "eaten up," of wanting that depth of connection. It's a terrifying ambivalence, I feel like I'm being pulled both towards it and away from it.
This may contribute to how I often see mating and sexual interactions between people as being very predatory and aggressive, and my perception of this in turns contributes to my fear. On the one hand, I don't want to be someone's piece of meat. On the other, even with someone I deeply loved, I'm just not sure what would happen if I had sex with them. I see things as simple as kissing, touching, and hugging as big deals (I generally never let people touch me). Maybe I just have a heightened sense of proximity to people, I don't know.
Part of it, too, is that having sex has always seemed to be a kind of duty that people have to fulfill. To grow up, get married, reproduce. I recall in my childhood and especially adolescence feeling like I was basically just supposed to be a sperm-donor, like other boys, and that girls were being cultivated to be egg-incubators. I'm not being as expressive of it as I'd like, but it all seemed to be like this insidious, monstrous conspiracy to me, some planet-wide breeding program, in which you were wanted for your genetic material and little else. This perception has stayed with me for a long time, and has caused me to many times vow to myself "I'm never, ever having sex." Maybe I just didn't want to risk eventually being grouped in with the "sperm donors," so I'd avoid the whole process. Probably the worst part was having girls like me or be attracted to me (happened a few times), because I almost felt like they were inadverdently forcing me into this dance.
It's frustrating and it's painful, because I want to be able to feel close to people - and maybe have someone I've very close with - and yet I've always felt that extra layer of separation, that boundary I've raised, "Don't touch me, I'm not getting pulled into that." In the same way that some people feel after having sex that they've become part of something larger, an ancient tradition, I feel like I'd have been drafted into some kind of nightmarish game, an insensate web of unfettered lust and domination and robotic obligation that just tangles you up and never lets you go again.
How do I reconcile that? How am I supposed to let go of that? I want to be more relaxed about all this, but I feel like this fear and revulsion has become so automatic. I hate my body and am ashamed to let anyone near it or to even see it. I wish I could stop feeling that way, because it's not fair. Like it or not, my body is a part of me, and it's done nothing wrong, and doesn't deserve my disrespect. I feel guilty about it but it's just so difficult and grueling to accept.
Quote from Alacar »
Sex & Relationships: I've only had one moderately intimate relationship in the past with someone I actually could touch, and that ended badly (my heart was shattered). I am still a virgin (eesh.. 19 years old), but I'm proud to say that I am saving it for the woman I love, who has been with me long distance for over 2 years now.
I don't think you need to worry about being a virgin at 19. It's still pretty young, a lot of people are virgins well into college.
She is too young for me to even touch at the moment so it's best that we're separated.. but believe you me, as soon as she's 18 I am :symtap:ing that!
Ouch.
Quote from Mr. Stuff »
Not revulsion towards sex, specifically, but I didn't want a real relationship until I turned about 20. Now I find myself wishing I had some significant other, not for sex, but for companionship (ie, I am lonely).
Yeah, I get that. That's kind of how I feel, too. Part of it is a little selfish - I miss having someone pay attention to me, ask me how I'm doing, what's on my mind, hug me when I'm upset, and so on. Part of it is a little more . . . I just wish I could have some more close relationships than I do, with more sharing and trust. I typically have few people I really trust, and I wish I could change that.
Meh, I can never get my point across when I want to. What I want to say is that the human brain is a mess due to all the natural forces at work on it. We're programmed to do things the biological way, when we live in un-biological-friendly conditions. If you feel like you want a relationship now, well, I'd say that's normal.
Yeah, you're right. I guess I just have a hard time accepting it.
All that I yearn for, for richer or poorer, is to be the light that you see. All that I yearn for, for richer or poorer, is to be the peace that you feel. All that I yearn for, for richer or poorer, is to fill your heart on my own.
But the rainbow is an image of hope for many reasons, as it is a brilliant sight coming out of oftimes dismal weather.
I'm still a virgin, but I'm just 17. I've never been in any relationship, except a long distance one that didn't even get off the ground. The most physical contact I've ever done with someone would be hugs and holding hands.
Obviously, my hormones still attack me, a lot. Sometimes I want to stay single, and sometimes my mind is telling me to pounce on someone :o. Thank God for self-control :p.
Yeah, I get that. That's kind of how I feel, too. Part of it is a little selfish - I miss having someone pay attention to me, ask me how I'm doing, what's on my mind, hug me when I'm upset, and so on. Part of it is a little more . . . I just wish I could have some more close relationships than I do, with more sharing and trust. I typically have few people I really trust, and I wish I could change that.
Personally, I don't feel thats selfish at all (and I wish I had more people like that in my life as well). To me, it feels like a basic human need to have someone to do all those things. If you only have 1 or 2 people that close to you, it feels wrong for some reason, it seems almost instinctive...
Personally Mamelon, I'd advise lowering the barriers a little. Set boundries at "no kissing or beyond" or something, and make sure anyone you do attempt to let in knows about that choice. Sorry though, I have no experience in those feelings, I've never felt very bad about my body before, plus I feel right in my inherent gender ;).
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I'll bet you wish you had a non-unglued/unhinged card that shared your first name.
What the hell is a "cool" age to lose your virginity? Like, Chuck Norris "before your dad does" cool? I honestly am a bit miffed by that stereotype. It makes no sense. You're ready when you're ready psychologically, age-wise, and can find a person you want to share that with, whatever age that may happen for you at. Why rush because of something as hokey as peer pressure?
What the hell is a "cool" age to lose your virginity? Like, Chuck Norris "before your dad does" cool? I honestly am a bit miffed by that stereotype. It makes no sense. You're ready when you're ready psychologically, age-wise, and can find a person you want to share that with, whatever age that may happen for you at. Why rush because of something as hokey as peer pressure?
Wha-hoah there, Stuffy. I guess you missed my rather playful tone in that post because I didn't include a silly string of smileys :):p:D Seriously though, there is no 'cool' or 'uncool' age to lose your virginity. No need to jump down my throat.
All that I yearn for, for richer or poorer, is to be the peace that you feel.
All that I yearn for, for richer or poorer, is to fill your heart on my own.
Gaymers | Magic Coffeehouse | Little Jar of Mamelon | Natural 20
Hey...I still think they're funny. Although, not better than ualealualuale, though. That's the best. (No possible way to spell check, btw. :p)
To me, at least, ANYTHING can feel better after a good night's sleep.
I know it's a little late, but we're all here behind you if you ever wanna let it all out. It's more interesting hearing about other's lives anyway.
I plan on it, dude...I certainly plan on it. *returns hugs* Won't return a kiss, though.......sorry.
Funny...you were always Yukora to me. At least, you were after hearing you say you prefer it. I agree, that there are too many Ryans. Only found 2 other Jacks on the whole board. Trip jacks for us.
THERE'S the Photon I remember! How ya been, dude? Long time no speak.
WOW! I really like that card, for some reason. Reanimator loves it. Deep drawback, but all that needs to be done is to not target creatures in an opponent's graveyard, right?
Hi Sene, whom I know for sure is a dude. ...........(At least, I REALLY hope so, for awkward's sake.
Add one more name onto the list. Good to be back, at least. How's it goin'?
WOAH!! That was all of that post I needed to read before I knew something was wrong here. Too much garlic on a pizza?!? Didn't know it was possible...
Mamelon, I commend you for always knowing how to make some of the longest posts ever. Good to see you have had a better day. Also hope things go well with your job. It's a sad thing to hear when people don't like their job.
CHARLIE DEEEEEE!!! Whassup, foo?
Congrats, friend. I'm sure it's a good feeling.
Congrats on almost finished college, Danica. My sister, while on the subject, may also finish school a semester early. That's really cool for her, since she loves it at college. She goes to Clemson, by the way.
@Post cookies: to Nai for 1990th post, as that's when I was born....:sweat:
Obviously this is a kind of personal question, but I'll be as honest as I'm comfortable with.
I'm a virgin, I've never kissed anyone (saving myself for someone at least a little special), and I've never been in a serious relationship. (I'd like to think that this is because of my conscious choice, not because I'm a loser who can't get a significant other - I have spent the past full year avoiding getting into a relationship with a friend who I'm fully aware would like to be with me, since this person has told everyone on earth. I don't mean that to sound braggy; the whole thing has been very awkward for me, and has also made my friendships with some of our mutual friends awkward.)
Anyway, I'm currently in a state of very intentional singlehood. Someday, my opinion may change, but for now I feel as if I can serve the other things I need to do - school is a main one, but I also have other responsibilties - if I'm not trying to care for another person's heart, and if my heart is not given over to another human. It sounds terrible to put it into these terms, but a significant other is not a responsibility I wish to have right now. I'm fortunate that at this point in my life I am in an emotional state where I do not have a deep yearning for a significant other; I'm more than able to feel very complete as a single person.
To actually answer the question - I certainly feel romantic attraction towards some people at some times - I suspect this is true of most people - though not strongly enough to feel tempted to actually persue anything. They say guys think about sex, like, an awful lot. I certainly don't; it's not a huge part of my agenda. I won't lie; I sometimes check people out and everything, but 'get some sex' is not a major life goal. The whole jumping from partner to partner thing is not at all part of my M.O. at all. To the point, I don't feel terribly averse to the idea of physical intimacy, but I don't find the notion particularly enthralling. At times in my life, I've been more hormonal, and the idea of physical intimacy in whatever form has held a lot more appeal; I suppose if there were someone who I was really willing to give myself over to emotionally, the idea of physical intimacy would seem a little less bleh. (Also, as I'm concerned about my own purity, it's possible that I've squelched the parts of me that are all about getting me some sex. I'm no psychologist.)
But I'm rather proud of my virginity (getting through high school 'intact' like that seems to be a big deal nowadays), and I'd rather keep it and wait for the right time than give it up and wish I hadn't. I might be missing out (many have told me so), but at least the first time will be worth it.
DDR: I sucked, as usual. I got close to beating Max 300 for the first time, but I'm just too tired by that point in the game. I only had the stamina for two games today. Boy, that's a bad sign.
Charlie: Welcome to the Coffeehouse. It seems its been getting a lot of new regulars lately... Soon we'll be getting (gasp) 10 pages a day!
Alacar's DDR: I'd love to have a game like that. I often wish to have a DDR with songs I actually listen to. Like, say... I don't know. Nightwish
Multiple Names: There's no other Nai on this site, that I'm aware of, and I doubt my real name has many doubles either. Though, I'm not sayin' it.
Alacar's Card: Awesome, I really like it. And I don't find the drawback all that bad. A single card with haste could potentially win you the game.
My helpdesk should you need me.
Sex & Relationships: I've only had one moderately intimate relationship in the past with someone I actually could touch, and that ended badly (my heart was shattered). I am still a virgin (eesh.. 19 years old), but I'm proud to say that I am saving it for the woman I love, who has been with me long distance for over 2 years now. She is too young for me to even touch at the moment so it's best that we're separated.. but believe you me, as soon as she's 18 I am :symtap:ing that!
I'll try and find out the name of that DDR game for you guys. It's very generic and doesn't have a lot of panache, with its main selling point being that you insert a music CD and it'll scan it, then you can dance to the songs.
I'm right before Ganondorf on the final stage of Twilight Princess! Woo! I love this game! I wanna play it again. Though I do need to start FFXII at some point.. my dad has reposessed his PS2 though, so meh. I'll prolly play more Zelda or something. Or get Super Mario Sunshine.
Like freeform roleplaying? Try Darkness Befalls Us
Ryttare Kelasin Luna Orelinalei
Grats, Ninja!
As for the whole sex issue, while it'd be nice to have, its not very high on my 'to do' list. I'm 19 and still a virgin too. It doesn't bug me at all. Because if anyone says anything to me about it, then, chances are, that person won't be able to have sex again.
@Alacar: *Points to sig* Sorry man, I had to.
Windmills do not work that way!
Grats to N_P on uncleship!
Alacar: I think I"ll pass 19, personally. It'd be funny to see who can last longer, as opposed to the normal male but of who can 'get some' sooner.
Time for some Grand Theft Auto. With cheats, of course, so that I can enjoy rampages.
My helpdesk should you need me.
@Stepmania: good fun When i get bored i try to make my own and stuffs, and its cool too Download songs you actually like for it
@ WOW: Well there was a huuuge traffic backup for people rushing for the new expansion today... Man I wish people did realize it really destroys your life. Its fun, but it just eats it...
Well White is now spoiled for planar chaos. Nothing really special in my mind, I see a good removal spell (nodes) and a good save me critter (Dust elemental) and a jank rare (stupid 20 life) and a interesting wannna be meddling mage (Voidstone gargoyle)
Black really did turn out Super powerful. it got a new cranial for 1 thats uncouterable, A wrath of god, and some other stuff thats ok. I just hope there wont be any more super broken tek for black, since blue red green needs some stuff too, but than again red looks good enough at the moment with the Mass +X+0 spell, The Geddon, and torchling (i liked the ferrets idea, and i might tinker with a casual deck like that)
In blue im sadly seeing nothing noteworthy. So far it looks like blue got shafted.
Green.... Well i dont see much there other than the Ball lightning and Maybe timbermare if it becomes abusable Somehow (i doubt it).
Pc looks good to me, It looks like a huge money set but i look at it again, and theres only 9-10 playable cards in standard constructed. Im not sure atm though, I might be proven wrong.....
@Alacar: You want me to create one of your lead characters for the new set? Alrighty. Any suggestions/guidelines?
Off to do the first new Weekly Underdog in some time, people. Be sure to stop by N20 and read it once I'm done! NES gamers will surely appreciate this week's entry.
Nai: I beat TP.. and the Magic Armor actually saved my skin on the final battle.. 1000 rupees, and nothing to spend it on? Magic Armor time. and GAH the ending.. GAH!!!! GAHHHH!!!!!!!! GGRRAAAAGGHHHH!!!!!
ethersphere: As long as it's not stereotypical, or is anything similar to what we have in Academy block. Same goes for you too, Nai.
Like freeform roleplaying? Try Darkness Befalls Us
Ryttare Kelasin Luna Orelinalei
This week's Underdog is finished, and I'm liking it! Go look, people =)
A FELLOW SM PLAYER?!? So hard to find anymore nowadays. By chance, do you play ffr? flashflashrevolution.com It's a fun fun place.
And is it just me, or in the last few cutscences, where Midna is leaving, does she call Link a queerface?
@PC: I like it. I'm pretty dang excited for the prerelease saturday! The only thing I really didn't like was the Red Akroma. Burned me up how she doesn't even have haste. At least she is a 6/6 still, unlike the previously rumored 4/4.
And BRAIDS?!? Talk about new hotness. Man, what a good card.
Too many secret songs for me to have to unlock
on TP:
1. Target Ganondorf.
2. Pull out your Fishing Rod.
3. Cast your Fishing Rod.
4. Hack away.
Repeat. For some reason, Ganondorf is distracted by the fishing rod, stop what he's doing, and leave himself wide open. I did this on my second run through. It was great. He didn't lay a hand on me. Of course I beat him legit beforehand
Winner of Weekly Contest 46!
Jack: It was the middle of the ending, silly. Made me mad! Why'd she do that!? Midna you *****.
Yusuke: I'm gonna have to try that.. hmmm..
Like freeform roleplaying? Try Darkness Befalls Us
Ryttare Kelasin Luna Orelinalei
@Mamelon: Not revulsion towards sex, specifically, but I didn't want a real relationship until I turned about 20. Now I find myself wishing I had some significant other, not for sex, but for companionship (ie, I am lonely). I never really felt I needed another person in my life like this until college. Most likely, it is a natural, hormonal thing - if humans weren't programmed to seek out other humans and, well, f***, we'd all be... not dead, but unborn. We are required to like sex as a condition of our existence at all. (Clarification - what I mean is that while we can choose to not have sex, all concious thought aside, our ancestors had to want to have sex, or our species never would have happened. We're free to choose not to now, but it's in our programming, so to speak.)
Meh, I can never get my point across when I want to. What I want to say is that the human brain is a mess due to all the natural forces at work on it. We're programmed to do things the biological way, when we live in un-biological-friendly conditions. If you feel like you want a relationship now, well, I'd say that's normal.
@Stepmania: I play stepmania, and have a fair number of songs for it. I've actually made my own steps for a few songs, too.
@Alacar:
But I agree. That was so stupid. We now know that she won't be appearing in any more Zelda games. At least if she does, it'll be stupid.
Well, time to turn in. GN, coffeehouse.
They also have a new song that is 25000 credits. Evil people at FFR
@stuff: Greatest. Avatar. Ever. Seriously.
EDIT: For all of you GHII fans, and those who would appreciate good guitaring, listen to Gemini at www.myspace.com/briankahanek
good stuff
Winner of Weekly Contest 46!
Of course. I wouldn't want to ask someone to share something unless they were comfortable with it.
Mhm, I understand this. I'm the same except I was in a serious relationshiop before, it just wasn't very physically intimate.
I can appreciate this. See, even though I have this nutty romantic side, I don't think I'm truly emotionally prepared for such a relationship, anyway. Most people need to learn to be okay by themselves before they can manage a very intimate relationship well, I think. It's so easy to get sucked into something because of overwhelming feelings, lose sense of boundaries, and end up helplessly attached to someone - either that, or become so taken over by the intensity of the experience that you have to pull away. This is alsy why I think it's not a bad idea to be friends first, then lovers.
Yeah, I know what you mean. I'm not sure I really count as a "guy," but I only think about sex every so often, maybe a few times a day (rather than once every two minutes or whatever it is people said it was). More on that later. Basically, you feel sexual responses in passing, but you're not exactly driving to have sex. Right?
I think I understand this, but I'm not sure. For me, there is a lot of internal conflict involved with sexuality. When I do get hormonal, and such, it's kind of miserable and confusing, because while it's a perfectly normal and neutral feeling, I get upset and angry because of it. I don't want to feel that way. I get angry at my body. It responds in ways that make me feel bad, to simplify. I'm not sure how to explain it.
An example, spoiled, for it may be too-much-information:
But, anyway, I understand your feeling of wanting to wait for the person who feels right. Someone you love and who loves you, that can make the event special. I want that, too.
Yeah, I think I get that. It seems like our race is just obsessed with sex. It's like a bottomless thirst, consuming and avaricious.
In fact, I've been doing some thinking and hunger seems to be a perfect analog to sexuality in my mind.
There are some dreams I've had in which I was very afraid of being eaten, or that somehow revolved around me being eaten up by some predator, and occasionally I notice this symbol being prevelant in my conscious mind. I don't really know how to describe the sensation of this fear, but I've come to realize that it is a very sexual symbol.
I heard a little story once about how when the gods first made humans, they loved them so much that they ate them. This is analogous to parents' love for their children, whom they not only cherish and protect, but they give of themselves. The infant world is like being merged with these greater, stronger beings, not dissimilar to being physically connected to the mother in the womb. There is some sentiment that this is very similar to sexual desire, the impetus to be utterly consumed in another person, to forgo boundaries and feel that closeness again.
It's poetic, but I think it's condign. I think that's sort of how I see sex. I'm afraid of what would happen if I had sex with someone, how I'd feel. I'm afraid of being drawn in and losing my already somewhat gossamer sense of identity - of being eaten, devoured.
Lately, every now and then, when I feel more comfortable with these kinds of thoughts, I recognize a deep feeling of wanting to be "eaten up," of wanting that depth of connection. It's a terrifying ambivalence, I feel like I'm being pulled both towards it and away from it.
This may contribute to how I often see mating and sexual interactions between people as being very predatory and aggressive, and my perception of this in turns contributes to my fear. On the one hand, I don't want to be someone's piece of meat. On the other, even with someone I deeply loved, I'm just not sure what would happen if I had sex with them. I see things as simple as kissing, touching, and hugging as big deals (I generally never let people touch me). Maybe I just have a heightened sense of proximity to people, I don't know.
Part of it, too, is that having sex has always seemed to be a kind of duty that people have to fulfill. To grow up, get married, reproduce. I recall in my childhood and especially adolescence feeling like I was basically just supposed to be a sperm-donor, like other boys, and that girls were being cultivated to be egg-incubators. I'm not being as expressive of it as I'd like, but it all seemed to be like this insidious, monstrous conspiracy to me, some planet-wide breeding program, in which you were wanted for your genetic material and little else. This perception has stayed with me for a long time, and has caused me to many times vow to myself "I'm never, ever having sex." Maybe I just didn't want to risk eventually being grouped in with the "sperm donors," so I'd avoid the whole process. Probably the worst part was having girls like me or be attracted to me (happened a few times), because I almost felt like they were inadverdently forcing me into this dance.
It's frustrating and it's painful, because I want to be able to feel close to people - and maybe have someone I've very close with - and yet I've always felt that extra layer of separation, that boundary I've raised, "Don't touch me, I'm not getting pulled into that." In the same way that some people feel after having sex that they've become part of something larger, an ancient tradition, I feel like I'd have been drafted into some kind of nightmarish game, an insensate web of unfettered lust and domination and robotic obligation that just tangles you up and never lets you go again.
How do I reconcile that? How am I supposed to let go of that? I want to be more relaxed about all this, but I feel like this fear and revulsion has become so automatic. I hate my body and am ashamed to let anyone near it or to even see it. I wish I could stop feeling that way, because it's not fair. Like it or not, my body is a part of me, and it's done nothing wrong, and doesn't deserve my disrespect. I feel guilty about it but it's just so difficult and grueling to accept.
I don't think you need to worry about being a virgin at 19. It's still pretty young, a lot of people are virgins well into college.
Ouch.
Yeah, I get that. That's kind of how I feel, too. Part of it is a little selfish - I miss having someone pay attention to me, ask me how I'm doing, what's on my mind, hug me when I'm upset, and so on. Part of it is a little more . . . I just wish I could have some more close relationships than I do, with more sharing and trust. I typically have few people I really trust, and I wish I could change that.
Yeah, you're right. I guess I just have a hard time accepting it.
All that I yearn for, for richer or poorer, is to be the peace that you feel.
All that I yearn for, for richer or poorer, is to fill your heart on my own.
Gaymers | Magic Coffeehouse | Little Jar of Mamelon | Natural 20
Obviously, my hormones still attack me, a lot. Sometimes I want to stay single, and sometimes my mind is telling me to pounce on someone :o. Thank God for self-control :p.
Personally, I don't feel thats selfish at all (and I wish I had more people like that in my life as well). To me, it feels like a basic human need to have someone to do all those things. If you only have 1 or 2 people that close to you, it feels wrong for some reason, it seems almost instinctive...
Personally Mamelon, I'd advise lowering the barriers a little. Set boundries at "no kissing or beyond" or something, and make sure anyone you do attempt to let in knows about that choice. Sorry though, I have no experience in those feelings, I've never felt very bad about my body before, plus I feel right in my inherent gender ;).
And concerning your spoilered question.. no, not really. But you're a unique case
Like freeform roleplaying? Try Darkness Befalls Us
Ryttare Kelasin Luna Orelinalei
Like freeform roleplaying? Try Darkness Befalls Us
Ryttare Kelasin Luna Orelinalei