So I've been facing a scary portion of my life. A year and a half ago I had an accident that caused a pretty serious TBI. From there I briefly lost the ability to fully talk and many other issues arose from it. After a suicide attempt a few months later brought on from the issues we found that I had multiple mental illnesses and they started to medicate me for it (though we also found out that I range between the top 90th and 98th percentile IQ wise, hooray for me!). So things continued issues, I had good moments in 2016, being published as an author, getting married, etc; but I also faced many challenges: almost dying to medication, learning to live with my mental illnesses heightened to extreme levels, etc. Things were hard but I was turning them around, working things out with work, doing writing more for income, stuff like that. Well recently, my speech has been slowly leaving me again, I have full non-verbal days and I have days where I stutter so bad I might as well be non-verbal. Most days now it is actually painful for me to talk, and my wife and I have faced the inevitable possibility of me going mute. I'm taking this well for the most part, I actually don't mind not being able to talk sometimes, but other times I just am afraid or cry uncontrollably because of it. I'm mainly posting this because I wanted to rant, I guess I could say I am looking for easy ways to play EDH while mute, but that is something I will learn over time I believe.
I think it hurts the most how customers at work look at me when I stutter; like I'm unintelligent, like I'm below them. And then when I have to pull out a pad and paper to communicate because of non-verbal days, it is even harder to see them look at me. It's like they feel sorry for me, like they patronize me... And then thinking of gaming, my new D&D character is mute as a kind of release for me, it is making me feel strong. I play EDH every week at my LGS, but the idea that I might have issues communicating is hard. Seeing the stress it is putting on my wife is breaking my heart because I don't want her to have to face issues like this or shoulder any of it.
Just visiting this part of the forum for the first time in a log time, seeing no replies to this makes me sad -1 for the community.
Having said that, I hope you have found a way to cope with your (potential) disabilities by now, both in and outside of magic. I have no knowledge whatsoever that might help you but I wish you all the best.
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I think that even worse than being born with a mental illness is getting one as an adult, since then you know full well what life was like without it. It's not easy, and you shouldn't be sorry for needing to vent.
There are a lot of things that any given person doesn't understand, and a lot of things it's not even reasonable for them to understand. If someone who doesn't know you makes assumptions based on your stutter or other flaws then it's because they simply don't understand you. You can look up any number of hilarious youtube 'elevator prank' videos that are funny because someone is faced with an utterly bizarre situation they have no context for. Those looks don't mean you're stupid or pitiable any more than it means a mathematician is stupid for occasionally making basic algebra errors, regardless of what people who haven't met that mathematician before might assume.
I've dealt with depression before when a loved one died. I was very much attached to them, or perhaps I just didn't have enough other friends, and so I was much worse off than the 'typical' when it came to grief (insofar as there is a 'typical' sort of grief). It's important to understand that your mind is a physical part of your body, and in that regard depression is a physical disease. It really does matter a lot what you eat, and I've found that when I'm feeling depressed it helps me a lot to drink tomato juice, for example.
I also attempted suicide, and while at some point you might convince yourself that it is a release or an escape, I promise that it is not. I don't want to challenge your religious beliefs or claim to know with certainty anything that happens after death. I do know that dying invariably involves your brain dying as well. I'm sure that, however much brain injury frightened you beforehand, you feel much worse about it now. Death is the most traumatic brain injury there is, and you have no guarantee that the end result will somehow be better.
I'm sorry if I come across as crass, but I feel it needs to be stated. It sounds like you're probably past that now, and I really hope that's the case, but you also shouldn't blame yourself or feel ashamed if you're not. It's good that you're finding ways to adjust to it. I've never been married, but shouldering your partner's burdens pretty much seems like it's right there in the job description. Sure, if you can easily resolve an issue yourself then go for it, but you really shouldn't stress out about needing help (and I know that's much easier said than done...) partly because stressing out is, itself, not helpful.
Best wishes, and try not to psyche yourself out about every little problem (not to say there aren't also a lot of big problems). It's easy to start doubting or second-guessing yourself for no good reason.
I'm sorry to hear about your accident, and it sounds like the way your customers and others in your life might perceive you really upsets you.It also sounds like you really love your wife and are concerned for her as you both have to learn to cope with your injury. Have either of you looked into a support group? It may help you in coping with your injury.
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