In my opinion, you're only cheating when there's interaction - verbal, corporal, it doesn't matter.
I've had a girlfriend for the past 4 years, and I do look at porn every now and then. I see no problem with it. of course, I don't go around her telling that I saw this girl with the biggest tits ever or some such, but if she asked me whether I see it or not, I'd say 'ocasionally'. And I see no problem with that, as I'm sure she wouldn't (she actually agrees with the definition of 'cheating' above). Imagination is a powerful tool, and sometimes you can even get, uh, 'inspired' by porn to spice up your own sex life.
Of course, if you're at a point where you're thinking about fancy blondes with fake tits when you're having sex with your girfriend, or if you'd rather ******** watching porn than having sex with her, you've got some problems. But that's not porn's fault.
No, indeed that mains the one of the follwing things.
A:that your girlfriend is so ugly that you have to tape a steak to her head or else the dog won't even play with her.
B: she is dead.
C: youre a sick puppy, you need serieus help.
D: you are getting tired of your boring sex life and thus want to result to porn.
i personally think it is D, so go and tell your about your problem
i could be wrong though i am no marriage counscelor or something, yust trying to help.
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In this particular case, your good intentions were wasted. These people are without exception monumental *******s, and they deserve all the insulting you can muster.
For once I agree with you, Jedit. Anti-porn crusaders are the worst kind of idiot.
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I've had a girlfriend for the past 4 years, and I do look at porn every now and then. I see no problem with it. of course, I don't go around her telling that I saw this girl with the biggest tits ever or some such, but if she asked me whether I see it or not, I'd say 'ocasionally'. And I see no problem with that, as I'm sure she wouldn't (she actually agrees with the definition of 'cheating' above)
See thats the thing. He doesnt want to "make excuses" whenever he sees or watches pron. He wants to be honest to his gf about this whole ordeal and while your method works fine for you and your gf, it doesnt for him(zyrakris)
Quote from Volrath »
No, indeed that mains the one of the follwing things.
A:that your girlfriend is so ugly that you have to tape a steak to her head or else the dog won't even play with her.
B: she is dead.
C: youre a sick puppy, you need serieus help.
D: you are getting tired of your boring sex life and thus want to result to porn.
i personally think it is D, so go and tell your about your problem
i could be wrong though i am no marriage counscelor or something, yust trying to help.
...... what the ****? this is probably one of the most stupidest and ignorant things I've ever read(not meant in a flaming way):no:
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clergy en-vec read the flavor text prior to looking at the picture...much worse then boros guildmage
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i think this card is Freakin' awesome just imagine zoo with this even on the draw u flex "Nutz" any mana drawing the extra card u can pitch and turning up the gas on tempo and it still taps for mana easily a 3 of most likely a 4 of
Can somebody translate that please?
Quote from darkhammy »
Hang on, I need my gibber-to-english dictionary. Ah yes, here it is,
It doesn't really count as cheating if your girlfriend stars in the porno, but other than that, I would stick to my imagination*, or try quitting.
*of course, if the g/f isn't attractive, you've got a different problem entirely.
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Originally Posted by Green Arrow Yes I did, I wouldn't fully disagree with chronoplasam. Perhaps I do deserve toture. But who amongst us besides myself has what it takes to toture me?
Originally Posted by Highroller
Compared to what? I think compared to chocolate ice cream, women, unicorns, and kung fu, the state pretty much sucks.
No, indeed that mains the one of the follwing things.
A:that your girlfriend is so ugly that you have to tape a steak to her head or else the dog won't even play with her.
B: she is dead.
C: youre a sick puppy, you need serieus help.
D: you are getting tired of your boring sex life and thus want to result to porn.
i personally think it is D, so go and tell your about your problem
i could be wrong though i am no marriage counscelor or something, yust trying to help.
Way to read the developments in-thread
Quote from "Zyrakis" »
EXACTLY! It doesn't matter if I'm horny or not, because naked people > random TV. It's just convenient- and I feel like that even now, as it's 11pm and my parents have gone upstairs to sleep. The only thing really keeping me from hitting Google is the fact that my girlfriend and I just had a talk about this. I'm hoping that the convenience, and thus the problem, will go away if/when I live with my girlfriend.
Yay I was right! But also speaking from personal experience >_>
Also the problem won't completely go away... it's probably not 100% convenience. I'd expect you'd still get occaisional similar urges (assuming there will be a computer in-house), and I guess you'll have to listen to the other techniques for beating addiction given in-thread to try to deal with those.
Quote from "Rick Corgan" »
Of course, if you're at a point where you're thinking about fancy blondes with fake tits when you're having sex with your girfriend, or if you'd rather ******** watching porn than having sex with her, you've got some problems. But that's not porn's fault.
Aren't these more problems for his girlfriend than for him?
i think that you'll grow up insecure, and with so few experience of stories with other girls that everyone will be better than you.
That's right, you heard it first. Straight off the presses, the secret to becoming a superior human being!:
The more you sleep around, the better of a human being you are.
End of story.
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Originally Posted by Green Arrow Yes I did, I wouldn't fully disagree with chronoplasam. Perhaps I do deserve toture. But who amongst us besides myself has what it takes to toture me?
Originally Posted by Highroller
Compared to what? I think compared to chocolate ice cream, women, unicorns, and kung fu, the state pretty much sucks.
See thats the thing. He doesnt want to "make excuses" whenever he sees or watches pron. He wants to be honest to his gf about this whole ordeal and while your method works fine for you and your gf, it doesnt for him(zyrakris)
And how's that 'making excuses'? I'm all for honesty, but frankly, you don't need to go tell your girlfriend every time you watch porn or masturbate, or every time you see a hot girl on the street and it turns you on (if you think this doesn't happen to you, I'm sorry to inform you that you're lying to yourself).
It is okay and perfectly natural to feel sexual desire for women other than your girlfriend. Actually, if you don't, odds are there's something wrong with you. What can be avoided is a breach of trust, and in most relationships that is cheating by hooking up with someone else.
Quote from Turbovolver »
Aren't these more problems for his girlfriend than for him?
And how's that 'making excuses'? I'm all for honesty, but frankly, you don't need to go tell your girlfriend every time you watch porn or masturbate, or every time you see a hot girl on the street and it turns you on (if you think this doesn't happen to you, I'm sorry to inform you that you're lying to yourself).
It is okay and perfectly natural to feel sexual desire for women other than your girlfriend. Actually, if you don't, odds are there's something wrong with you. What can be avoided is a breach of trust, and in most relationships that is cheating by hooking up with someone else.
Good luck telling that to many girlfriends out there. I've encountered more than a few who wanted nothing less than absolute monogamy. Heart, eyes, imagination, hands, etc. A proposition I feel goes a few steps too far. Though, in a perfect world, more people would have come to the conclusion you suggest.
Quote from PlatedOrnithopter »
The more you sleep around, the better of a human being you are.
End of story.
I've been saying that for years. Whores are the best people.
or every time you see a hot girl on the street and it turns you on (if you think this doesn't happen to you, I'm sorry to inform you that you're lying to yourself).
What? Whenever I see a "hot girl" I just think "she's cute" and I might look at her more than just a random person. It takes more than that to turn me on, and I'm sure there are many others who are the same.
rick: very much true but as mikey said wimen doesnt want to heart that Most wimen have a need to belive that they are the only one and that you would never ever look at someone else. Now Im not saying to lie about but avoiding the subject and otherwise beeing good at talking you out of things does help
descent: I agree
thopter: I agree that fantasizing is important but it differs. sometimes its easier to just watch some porn, just to get it over with. but sometimes it can be better just to use the mind, etc. depends on the situation. But yeah as long as porn isnt an addiction to you how you look at porn/masturbate should not be restricted by anyone and you should be able to do whatever comes naturally to you.
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i would say have an intervention, like wat they do with alcoholics. but then i remembered that maybe its not a good thing for 20+ people to know ur addicted to porn;)
my advice-in the future, maybe dont ask the question u posed, or for help quitting on a messageboard for a game dominated by adolescent males
real advice-accept that porn is part of ur life, and as long as urcareful, no harm will come of it. WATCH PORN!:crazy:
just accept ir. i cant give any advice other than that. ;p
We live in a country were ~50% of the populace believe public schooling is a socialist conspiracy and that being called Einstein is an insult. We could try and fix it, but unfortunately the other 50% don't believe in euthanasia.
i would say have an intervention, like wat they do with alcoholics. but then i remembered that maybe its not a good thing for 20+ people to know ur addicted to porn;)
I don't think it's an intervention if you ask for it.
my advice-in the future, maybe dont ask the question u posed, or for help quitting on a messageboard for a game dominated by adolescent males
Why? I think he's gotten a good response thus far.
real advice-accept that porn is part of ur life, and as long as urcareful, no harm will come of it. WATCH PORN!:crazy:
But, apparently, harm will come of it since it'll likely put strain on his relationship. And I don't think "give in, watch porn" is good advice for someone who claims he's addicted to porn and wants to stop watching it. I actually think that's probably the worst advice someone could give.
Good luck telling that to many girlfriends out there. I've encountered more than a few who wanted nothing less than absolute monogamy. Heart, eyes, imagination, hands, etc. A proposition I feel goes a few steps too far. Though, in a perfect world, more people would have come to the conclusion you suggest.
This reminds me of something my mom used to say: "Just because I'm on a diet doesn't mean I can't look at the menu." At the time I was like 12, and thought this was awful - but really, it isn't.
In fact, people usually become more attracted to opposite sex (or same, depending) when they enter into a committed sexual relationship.
When I was with my last boyfriend, for the relatively brief time our relationship was healthy, he told me all the time if he found X person attractive, etc, and I usually did the same. I feel that that's a healthy aspect of a relationship. My brother does that a lot in his relationship, and since that began there have been a lot less problems with jealousy or hurt feelings.
It's very understandable to want your significant other to be attracted to you and only you - but their sexuality won't be reduced because of you, it will be expanded. But that doesn't have to be a bad thing. Your boyfriend/girlfriend still comes back to you, is enthralled with you the most, and has deeper feelings for you than most anyone else. I know what it's like, on both sides.
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But the rainbow is an image of hope for many reasons, as it is a brilliant sight coming out of oftimes dismal weather.
Only answering sporadically now, I'm interested in reading other threads than my own.
Quote from RickCorgan »
And how's that 'making excuses'? I'm all for honesty, but frankly, you don't need to go tell your girlfriend every time you watch porn or masturbate, or every time you see a hot girl on the street and it turns you on (if you think this doesn't happen to you, I'm sorry to inform you that you're lying to yourself).
It is okay and perfectly natural to feel sexual desire for women other than your girlfriend. Actually, if you don't, odds are there's something wrong with you. What can be avoided is a breach of trust, and in most relationships that is cheating by hooking up with someone else.
And I'm all for honesty too, when it comes to my girlfriend. I won't tell her about every hot girl I see and what I think of her, but I will tell her when I break her rules, and I will tell her when I disrepect her wishes. If not, not only do I grow to feel guilty, but it will reduce the integrity of the relationship. I'm not saying I don't feel sexual desire towards other women, and I'm not saying I don't think of other women at times, but I am saying that I don't want to lie or keep secrets from my girlfriend. She asked that early on of me, and I know you all have been debating and many of you have been seemingly outraged by this request not to look at porn, but to not lie or keep serious secrets is something that anyone should be able to understand. It's just.. trust.
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Getting the last word does not mean that you win the argument.
mamelon: I understand what you mean and for many relationships it might be healthy but some people are naturally more jealous then others and it may not work that well for them.
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I know you all have been debating and many of you have been seemingly outraged by this request not to look at porn, but to not lie or keep serious secrets is something that anyone should be able to understand. It's just.. trust.
Trust and honesty aren't just understandable, they're advisable. Especially if one wants a relationship to have any sort of staying power. I don't think anyone really has an issue with that (or at least I would hope not).
And for me, it's not the request that has me "outraged" (though I can't really say I feel that strongly on the issue), it's that she feels the need to impose rules (your words, not mine) on you at all. One person in a relationship exerting control over the other is just something I have a severe distaste for in general. Even moreso when the person on the receiving end makes excuses and tries to justify the other's actions. Situations like this just set off a warning light in my head.
mamelon: I understand what you mean and for many relationships it might be healthy but some people are naturally more jealous then others and it may not work that well for them.
I'm not saying some people aren't more jealous. I'm saying that being open about the fact that everyone is attracted to people, often just random people, can help ease that jealousy. It's not good to feel jealous. It hurts, and it's depressing. Situations that may stimulate jealousy can't be avoided forever. It'd be better if the jealousy could be coped with head on.
That said, you must have sensitivity. Always havesensitivity. If your boyfriend/girlfriend feels jealous when you comment on someone else's looks, don't say "Too bad, you need to be less jealous." My entire message is that you can't just do that, with anything. People don't just change, just like that.
Chances are, you're always going to feel at least marginal attraction to people (i.e. girls, boys) in general. If you pretend otherwise to your significant other, that's not only dishonest, it's potentially setting him/her up for a fall.
If the girlfriend/boyfriend just can't understand why you would ever even glance at someone other than her/him, then that's probably something to discuss. It'd be better to address it as something normal and neutral (if sometimes unsettling), and have it out in the open, rather than pretend it's not there and have it really upset your loved one when it does come up (i.e. letting yourself be flirted with when you don't think your SO is looking, something like that).
Quote from mikeyG »
And for me, it's not the request that has me "outraged" (though I can't really say I feel that strongly on the issue), it's that she feels the need to impose rules (your words, not mine) on you at all. One person in a relationship exerting control over the other is just something I have a severe distaste for in general. Even moreso when the person on the receiving end makes excuses and tries to justify the other's actions. Situations like this just set off a warning light in my head.
I have to admit, Zyrakis, I feel this, too. You said, "I tell her when I violate her rules." There is a "light" going off in my head, as well. Rules?
I see this a lot in heterosexual relationships, and it tends to get passed off as normal.
You may not think much of it, because you're eager to please her. But if she says "You need to stop looking at porn, cold turkey," and then demonstrate how intense her disappointment is at you when you "violate the rules," to make you feel guilty, that's manipulation. Many people manipulate others without realizing. If you feel you have to "answer to her," and you're desparately afraid of upsetting her to the point it makes you sick and you don't know what to do about it, then maybe she's not being as understanding as you think. Maybe she's putting on too much pressure.
No matter what her reasons are, if she's trying to manipulate you into doing something she wants, that's force, and believe it or not, can lead to a very abusive relationship.
Please, realize, I'm not saying you're relationship is emotionally abusive. I don't even know very much about your relationship, I'm just saying that some of the things you've said could be a sign.
Once again, you know best. If you start feeling like the relationship is a source of stress, or if meeting with your girlfriend makes you nervous or upset, don't ignore that. There may be another problem aside from the porn habit. But then again, if you're totally fine with the way things are going, then that's different. As I said, only you can know.
All that I yearn for, for richer or poorer, is to be the light that you see. All that I yearn for, for richer or poorer, is to be the peace that you feel. All that I yearn for, for richer or poorer, is to fill your heart on my own.
But the rainbow is an image of hope for many reasons, as it is a brilliant sight coming out of oftimes dismal weather.
In fact, people usually become more attracted to opposite sex (or same, depending) when they enter into a committed sexual relationship.
This is very very much true. "Law is greener on the other side" and all that stuff. Human nature, people.
Quote from Zyrakris »
And I'm all for honesty too, when it comes to my girlfriend. I won't tell her about every hot girl I see and what I think of her, but I will tell her when I break her rules, and I will tell her when I disrepect her wishes. If not, not only do I grow to feel guilty, but it will reduce the integrity of the relationship.
I encourage you to keep doing that - that's what I do. However, if I was dating a girl that had a clearly spoken problem with something like me seeing porn, the relationship probably wouldn't last. Please note that I'm by no means a porn addict; but such a behavior usually means the girl has a very big insecurity problem - and from personal experience, relationship with people like that tend to be hell.
I agree with you, Mikey, but that's one of the reasons why it's so hard to find a truly good girlfriend/boyfriend. Like I said, insecurity is an issue that can lend itself to various serious problems in a relationship, and wanting "absolute monogamy" to that point is a clear sign of insecurity (or puritanism, which personally I find just as bad).
Here's what I think: if I'm committed to someone, that definitely means I trust and respect her. And by that I mean I know she is human, has flaws, and can and will feel atracted to other guys - but still I know she won't try to interact sexually with these guys, or will do her best to avoid doing so (like I said, everyone has their flawed moments). Yes, I may be wrong in the end, but i'm also human.
Bottom line is: I haven't known a single person who didn't dislike the fact that their girl/boyfriends are attracted to other people. The difference is, some of them freak out about it, and some end up accepting it as a fact, and build the relationship based on trust rather than on lack thereof. Not surprisingly, the latter make for the best companions in my eyes.
Quote from turbovolver »
What? Whenever I see a "hot girl" I just think "she's cute" and I might look at her more than just a random person. It takes more than that to turn me on, and I'm sure there are many others who are the same.
I guess I used the wrong words. I should have said "whenever you see a pretty girl and feel physically attracted to her". Still, probably most girls wouldn't like the fact any better, so the point stands.
Quote from Mikey »
And for me, it's not the request that has me "outraged" (though I can't really say I feel that strongly on the issue), it's that she feels the need to impose rules (your words, not mine) on you at all. One person in a relationship exerting control over the other is just something I have a severe distaste for in general. Even moreso when the person on the receiving end makes excuses and tries to justify the other's actions. Situations like this just set off a warning light in my head.
I watch porn all the time. It's good stuff. I try to stop "manipulating" myself, but it's no use. Fortunately, I discovered that my g/f also looks at porn on her own time. I find this to be very arousing, and I tried to get her to watch some with me the other night, but she is a very shy girl, and gets embarassed easy.
In fact, when I saw porn sites on her google recent searches, I had to actually physically remove her from her computer room and lock the door so I could investigate further.
So in short, I like porn. My g/f likes porn. We have a very strong emotional bond, and this new revelation is now stengthening our "physical bond"
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I'm sticking by my guns here and am saying that her insecurity plays at least SOME PART, maybe not all, in the whole situation. Its not that she is a bad person, or a bad girlfriend, its just that she is at least a little insecure, and is reflecting them upon her boyfriend, which isn't good.
And, by the sounds of it, you are just really bored. You have said that you come home, and then just jump right on the computer and look at naked chicks. I think thats where the problem stems. If you have something to do, something to keep you occupied, you wouldn't be bored and have the time to look at all the porn. Spend more time with your girlfriend, join some kind of club, volunteer somewhere, get a job, play sports, go for a walk, go hang out with friends, just do something that doesn't involve you being bored alone with the computer, or whatever.
And when you do have those moments, and nothing good is on TV, pop in a movie. Go down to Bestbuy, buy some movies, or seasons of a good TV show, and watch them instead of 'random tv'. The trick is to keep your mind off of it, and the best way to do that is to keep your mind occupied doing something else.
Here's what I think: if I'm committed to someone, that definitely means I trust and respect her. And by that I mean I know she is human, has flaws, and can and will feel atracted to other guys - but still I know she won't try to interact sexually with these guys, or will do her best to avoid doing so (like I said, everyone has their flawed moments). Yes, I may be wrong in the end, but i'm also human.
I agree, except for one part. If I'm committed with someone, I will still find others attractive yes, but that is no reason to sometimes break down and cheat on my partner. If it comes to that point that I'm tempted so much by another person, I would need to re think just how much I care about the person I'm with. There is no good reason to cheat, and personally, I feel the whole 'I'm only human' excuse is kind of lame.
And for me, it's not the request that has me "outraged" (though I can't really say I feel that strongly on the issue), it's that she feels the need to impose rules (your words, not mine) on you at all. One person in a relationship exerting control over the other is just something I have a severe distaste for in general. Even moreso when the person on the receiving end makes excuses and tries to justify the other's actions. Situations like this just set off a warning light in my head.
Yeah, I agree with all of your sentiments on this, but I believe that if I had chosen to, I could set rules on her as well. But as I stated in my first post, I'm a very laidback, casual person. I don't set rules upon her because nothing she does really bothers me that much. I'd like to read through all of your posts, but all I've been able to do is skim. I have to set up another crappy shed in the backyard, so.. I'll be back later to read up, I guess.
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I was trying to be a little less inflammatory and douche-esque, for once.
Self-righteous tends to be more of an insult that "entitlement."
I've had a girlfriend for the past 4 years, and I do look at porn every now and then. I see no problem with it. of course, I don't go around her telling that I saw this girl with the biggest tits ever or some such, but if she asked me whether I see it or not, I'd say 'ocasionally'. And I see no problem with that, as I'm sure she wouldn't (she actually agrees with the definition of 'cheating' above). Imagination is a powerful tool, and sometimes you can even get, uh, 'inspired' by porn to spice up your own sex life.
Of course, if you're at a point where you're thinking about fancy blondes with fake tits when you're having sex with your girfriend, or if you'd rather ******** watching porn than having sex with her, you've got some problems. But that's not porn's fault.
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A:that your girlfriend is so ugly that you have to tape a steak to her head or else the dog won't even play with her.
B: she is dead.
C: youre a sick puppy, you need serieus help.
D: you are getting tired of your boring sex life and thus want to result to porn.
i personally think it is D, so go and tell your about your problem
i could be wrong though i am no marriage counscelor or something, yust trying to help.
“I once had an entire race killed just to listen to the rattling of their dried bones as I waded through them.”
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+1 postcount amirite?
For once I agree with you, Jedit. Anti-porn crusaders are the worst kind of idiot.
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Smite my back should I flee
Save my soul should I fall
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See thats the thing. He doesnt want to "make excuses" whenever he sees or watches pron. He wants to be honest to his gf about this whole ordeal and while your method works fine for you and your gf, it doesnt for him(zyrakris)
...... what the ****? this is probably one of the most stupidest and ignorant things I've ever read(not meant in a flaming way):no:
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*of course, if the g/f isn't attractive, you've got a different problem entirely.
now begins the thousand years of REIGN OF BLOOD!
Way to read the developments in-thread
Yay I was right! But also speaking from personal experience >_>
Also the problem won't completely go away... it's probably not 100% convenience. I'd expect you'd still get occaisional similar urges (assuming there will be a computer in-house), and I guess you'll have to listen to the other techniques for beating addiction given in-thread to try to deal with those.
Aren't these more problems for his girlfriend than for him?
That's right, you heard it first. Straight off the presses, the secret to becoming a superior human being!:
The more you sleep around, the better of a human being you are.
End of story.
now begins the thousand years of REIGN OF BLOOD!
It is okay and perfectly natural to feel sexual desire for women other than your girlfriend. Actually, if you don't, odds are there's something wrong with you. What can be avoided is a breach of trust, and in most relationships that is cheating by hooking up with someone else.
Heh, perhaps.
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Good luck telling that to many girlfriends out there. I've encountered more than a few who wanted nothing less than absolute monogamy. Heart, eyes, imagination, hands, etc. A proposition I feel goes a few steps too far. Though, in a perfect world, more people would have come to the conclusion you suggest.
I've been saying that for years. Whores are the best people.
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What? Whenever I see a "hot girl" I just think "she's cute" and I might look at her more than just a random person. It takes more than that to turn me on, and I'm sure there are many others who are the same.
descent: I agree
thopter: I agree that fantasizing is important but it differs. sometimes its easier to just watch some porn, just to get it over with. but sometimes it can be better just to use the mind, etc. depends on the situation. But yeah as long as porn isnt an addiction to you how you look at porn/masturbate should not be restricted by anyone and you should be able to do whatever comes naturally to you.
[thread=41221][my extendo sig][/thread] [thread=56664][moderator helpdesk][/thread] [Pen and Paper Inn]
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my advice-in the future, maybe dont ask the question u posed, or for help quitting on a messageboard for a game dominated by adolescent males
real advice-accept that porn is part of ur life, and as long as urcareful, no harm will come of it. WATCH PORN!:crazy:
just accept ir. i cant give any advice other than that. ;p
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I don't think it's an intervention if you ask for it.
Why? I think he's gotten a good response thus far.
But, apparently, harm will come of it since it'll likely put strain on his relationship. And I don't think "give in, watch porn" is good advice for someone who claims he's addicted to porn and wants to stop watching it. I actually think that's probably the worst advice someone could give.
Archatmos
Excellion
Fracture: Israfiel (WBR), Wujal (URG), Valedon (GUB), Amduat (BGW), Paladris (RWU)
Collision (Set Two of the Fracture Block)
Quest for the Forsaken (Set Two of the Excellion Block)
Katingal: Plane of Chains
This reminds me of something my mom used to say: "Just because I'm on a diet doesn't mean I can't look at the menu." At the time I was like 12, and thought this was awful - but really, it isn't.
In fact, people usually become more attracted to opposite sex (or same, depending) when they enter into a committed sexual relationship.
When I was with my last boyfriend, for the relatively brief time our relationship was healthy, he told me all the time if he found X person attractive, etc, and I usually did the same. I feel that that's a healthy aspect of a relationship. My brother does that a lot in his relationship, and since that began there have been a lot less problems with jealousy or hurt feelings.
It's very understandable to want your significant other to be attracted to you and only you - but their sexuality won't be reduced because of you, it will be expanded. But that doesn't have to be a bad thing. Your boyfriend/girlfriend still comes back to you, is enthralled with you the most, and has deeper feelings for you than most anyone else. I know what it's like, on both sides.
All that I yearn for, for richer or poorer, is to be the peace that you feel.
All that I yearn for, for richer or poorer, is to fill your heart on my own.
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And I'm all for honesty too, when it comes to my girlfriend. I won't tell her about every hot girl I see and what I think of her, but I will tell her when I break her rules, and I will tell her when I disrepect her wishes. If not, not only do I grow to feel guilty, but it will reduce the integrity of the relationship. I'm not saying I don't feel sexual desire towards other women, and I'm not saying I don't think of other women at times, but I am saying that I don't want to lie or keep secrets from my girlfriend. She asked that early on of me, and I know you all have been debating and many of you have been seemingly outraged by this request not to look at porn, but to not lie or keep serious secrets is something that anyone should be able to understand. It's just.. trust.
[thread=41221][my extendo sig][/thread] [thread=56664][moderator helpdesk][/thread] [Pen and Paper Inn]
Just add me on msn if you have any questions or just want to talk
Trust and honesty aren't just understandable, they're advisable. Especially if one wants a relationship to have any sort of staying power. I don't think anyone really has an issue with that (or at least I would hope not).
And for me, it's not the request that has me "outraged" (though I can't really say I feel that strongly on the issue), it's that she feels the need to impose rules (your words, not mine) on you at all. One person in a relationship exerting control over the other is just something I have a severe distaste for in general. Even moreso when the person on the receiving end makes excuses and tries to justify the other's actions. Situations like this just set off a warning light in my head.
Archatmos
Excellion
Fracture: Israfiel (WBR), Wujal (URG), Valedon (GUB), Amduat (BGW), Paladris (RWU)
Collision (Set Two of the Fracture Block)
Quest for the Forsaken (Set Two of the Excellion Block)
Katingal: Plane of Chains
I'm not saying some people aren't more jealous. I'm saying that being open about the fact that everyone is attracted to people, often just random people, can help ease that jealousy. It's not good to feel jealous. It hurts, and it's depressing. Situations that may stimulate jealousy can't be avoided forever. It'd be better if the jealousy could be coped with head on.
That said, you must have sensitivity. Always have sensitivity. If your boyfriend/girlfriend feels jealous when you comment on someone else's looks, don't say "Too bad, you need to be less jealous." My entire message is that you can't just do that, with anything. People don't just change, just like that.
Chances are, you're always going to feel at least marginal attraction to people (i.e. girls, boys) in general. If you pretend otherwise to your significant other, that's not only dishonest, it's potentially setting him/her up for a fall.
If the girlfriend/boyfriend just can't understand why you would ever even glance at someone other than her/him, then that's probably something to discuss. It'd be better to address it as something normal and neutral (if sometimes unsettling), and have it out in the open, rather than pretend it's not there and have it really upset your loved one when it does come up (i.e. letting yourself be flirted with when you don't think your SO is looking, something like that).
I have to admit, Zyrakis, I feel this, too. You said, "I tell her when I violate her rules." There is a "light" going off in my head, as well. Rules?
I see this a lot in heterosexual relationships, and it tends to get passed off as normal.
You may not think much of it, because you're eager to please her. But if she says "You need to stop looking at porn, cold turkey," and then demonstrate how intense her disappointment is at you when you "violate the rules," to make you feel guilty, that's manipulation. Many people manipulate others without realizing. If you feel you have to "answer to her," and you're desparately afraid of upsetting her to the point it makes you sick and you don't know what to do about it, then maybe she's not being as understanding as you think. Maybe she's putting on too much pressure.
No matter what her reasons are, if she's trying to manipulate you into doing something she wants, that's force, and believe it or not, can lead to a very abusive relationship.
Please, realize, I'm not saying you're relationship is emotionally abusive. I don't even know very much about your relationship, I'm just saying that some of the things you've said could be a sign.
Once again, you know best. If you start feeling like the relationship is a source of stress, or if meeting with your girlfriend makes you nervous or upset, don't ignore that. There may be another problem aside from the porn habit. But then again, if you're totally fine with the way things are going, then that's different. As I said, only you can know.
All that I yearn for, for richer or poorer, is to be the peace that you feel.
All that I yearn for, for richer or poorer, is to fill your heart on my own.
Gaymers | Magic Coffeehouse | Little Jar of Mamelon | Natural 20
I encourage you to keep doing that - that's what I do. However, if I was dating a girl that had a clearly spoken problem with something like me seeing porn, the relationship probably wouldn't last. Please note that I'm by no means a porn addict; but such a behavior usually means the girl has a very big insecurity problem - and from personal experience, relationship with people like that tend to be hell.
I agree with you, Mikey, but that's one of the reasons why it's so hard to find a truly good girlfriend/boyfriend. Like I said, insecurity is an issue that can lend itself to various serious problems in a relationship, and wanting "absolute monogamy" to that point is a clear sign of insecurity (or puritanism, which personally I find just as bad).
Here's what I think: if I'm committed to someone, that definitely means I trust and respect her. And by that I mean I know she is human, has flaws, and can and will feel atracted to other guys - but still I know she won't try to interact sexually with these guys, or will do her best to avoid doing so (like I said, everyone has their flawed moments). Yes, I may be wrong in the end, but i'm also human.
Bottom line is: I haven't known a single person who didn't dislike the fact that their girl/boyfriends are attracted to other people. The difference is, some of them freak out about it, and some end up accepting it as a fact, and build the relationship based on trust rather than on lack thereof. Not surprisingly, the latter make for the best companions in my eyes.
I guess I used the wrong words. I should have said "whenever you see a pretty girl and feel physically attracted to her". Still, probably most girls wouldn't like the fact any better, so the point stands.
I wholeheartedly agree.
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In fact, when I saw porn sites on her google recent searches, I had to actually physically remove her from her computer room and lock the door so I could investigate further.
So in short, I like porn. My g/f likes porn. We have a very strong emotional bond, and this new revelation is now stengthening our "physical bond"
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And, by the sounds of it, you are just really bored. You have said that you come home, and then just jump right on the computer and look at naked chicks. I think thats where the problem stems. If you have something to do, something to keep you occupied, you wouldn't be bored and have the time to look at all the porn. Spend more time with your girlfriend, join some kind of club, volunteer somewhere, get a job, play sports, go for a walk, go hang out with friends, just do something that doesn't involve you being bored alone with the computer, or whatever.
And when you do have those moments, and nothing good is on TV, pop in a movie. Go down to Bestbuy, buy some movies, or seasons of a good TV show, and watch them instead of 'random tv'. The trick is to keep your mind off of it, and the best way to do that is to keep your mind occupied doing something else.
I agree, except for one part. If I'm committed with someone, I will still find others attractive yes, but that is no reason to sometimes break down and cheat on my partner. If it comes to that point that I'm tempted so much by another person, I would need to re think just how much I care about the person I'm with. There is no good reason to cheat, and personally, I feel the whole 'I'm only human' excuse is kind of lame.
Yeah, I agree with all of your sentiments on this, but I believe that if I had chosen to, I could set rules on her as well. But as I stated in my first post, I'm a very laidback, casual person. I don't set rules upon her because nothing she does really bothers me that much. I'd like to read through all of your posts, but all I've been able to do is skim. I have to set up another crappy shed in the backyard, so.. I'll be back later to read up, I guess.