MTG Salvation

So one day, Ms. Jim was walking in the park near her local domicile, wondering what sort of Job she should look for. Her current job isn't terribly satisfying, after all. Soon, she stumbled upon a billboard with several help wanted ads.

This city is full of Crime and Corruption. The police won't do anything about it. We need a responsible citizen to beat up crooks. Apply after dark on the rooftops. Supply your own costume.

This message will self destruct in ten seconds. Omegacorp is about to launch their latest product, the Ideathray, which will allow them to take over the world. They must be stopped. Apply with a Walmart greeter. Use the codephrase "BRB, AFK, LOL".

Our band is super talented. All we need is someone to do all the cocaine and get all the groupies for us and spend huge chunks of our money on ridiculous things while on tour, we can't handle it. Its important to a rock bands rep, but we just aren't any good at these things. Apply at the Garage to your left.

We were gonna rob a bank, but none of us know how to really yell at people. You know, the "Get down, I'll totally shoot you, for real" type stuff. You get a cut of the cash if you can help us out on that end. Apply with the guy wearing a Balaclava on the bench.

PequitoJim considered all her options. What would she do?

PequitoJim had been waiting for something worthwhile to be posted on the billboards, she was always looking at them waiting.. for what she didn't know, but still had no choice but to keep looking always to be met with utter dissapointment.
This time was different, 4 posters, 4 opportunities to get out of the day to day picking up dog feces for the mayor and his poorly trained pooch.
She thought to herself "hmm crime fighter, maybe. ...Whats this secret.." the paper suddenly burst into flames. "Guess it was a secret", "rock Star, those days are over, though those days were some of the best i've had. Gunslinger, guns kill people"
This was it. Pequito Jim ran to the nearest cloak and dagger store to pick up a new get up. She had to be swift it was only 1 hour till dark time...

PJ arrived at the Local "Cloak N' Poke", with a few minutes to spare before closing. The owner was engaged in an argument with someone who she had seen around a couple times before, but didn't really know.

"This is about the best quality cloak you can find nowadays!" Screeched the hunchbacked owner, who sounded surprisingly shriveled and old.

"Naah, I bet I can get a better deal at the Scarf N' Stab" said the vaguely british sounding bald headed customer.

"Ha! the scarf N' Stab? What a joke, go ahead and buy one there if youre wanting something to whipe your butt with"

The owner looked rather pleased with himself but the customer, who Pequito now recognized as a Hooligan, was a bit upset.

"Now now, don't go disparagin' my uncles store like that young lady!"

Pequito Jim Had no patience for this hooligan. She held up her fists,"I don't care what crooks are you're family members. He robs people their money for inferior product! He's a snake! Now get out, or I'll make you!"

"Woah, woah! I didn't come here for no fight! Sheesh lady, don't have to take everything so personal!"

The Hooligan slowly backed out of the store and the owner locked the door behind him, turning around the Closed sign.

"Thank you, Ma'am, your willingness to beat people up won't go unappreciated around here. Did you come here for something, or just to kick out Hooligans?" asked the Shopkeep.

"Well, Getting rid of scum is soon to be my job, In fact because of that I'm looking for a cloak. A great one, one that says 'I'm a good guy, but don't be fooled I can kick butt.', Got anything like that?"

"Well, which one would you like?"

There were three capes available. one was Bright red with a Yellow "H" on it, presumably standing for Hero.

One was midnight black, and flowed all the way to her feet.

The third was blueish with purple polka dots for no apparent reason.

"I'll Take that one", PJ said, pointing to the beautiful blue cloak with polka dots. PJ Grabbed the cloak and slapped a coin purse on the counter. "This should more than cover it."
She dawned the cloak and headed out the door.

She had spent longer in the shop than intended,"Oh well time to head to Rooftops"
The only shingles store in town, was just down the way, "I hope I'm not too late"

PJ scurried to the rooftops, and looked around. It seemed like no one was there.

After waiting a while, PJ eventually got a bit depressed and began to leave, but just as she turned to go, she discovered a figure dressed in Black standing behind her. He spoke in a Throaty voice not unlike Christian Bales.

"The Purpwe of this Surty are Weady to Burwieve in Guuurd. ... You aahh hear fo the want ad, wight?"

"Um... yes, The ad. Thats what bought me here"

'I ahm BhatMhan. I Whant to brhing Gurd to Kihllheen, Thexhas. Ih Whill Cahll Yhou Rhobin."

When you hear Batman speak, it brings to mind http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w2yv8aT0UFc&feature=related

"Yes, Gurd, You mean good right? Um So, this is a little touchy, But when am I gonna get paid"

"Fhurst Whe mhust Chomplhete a Mhishuhn. A Mhishun to Brhing Gurd to the Surty."

Well, I say we go kidnap this Ghurd fellow, He sounds fantastic

" ...... Yhou are Fhreakhing Hilharihous. Fhollhow Mhe."

BhatMhan then leaps off the rooftop, and his cloak stiffens to allow him to glide safely to the ground. It was clear that PJ upset him slightly.

She knew that she could not jump of the rooftop and land as gracefully as batman did.. She looked around. She spotted a gutter drain leading down the side of the building. She jumps on that and slides down the side of wall amazingly. a couple who were on the ground level even ooohed and aaahhhhed at her spectacular display. She runs swiftly after batman, taunting him, "You know, for a super hero you don't run very fast"

It's spelled BhatMhan. We do not Plagiarize here.

"Iht's nhot how fhast yhou rhun on the ohutshide, bhut whehre yhou rhun to on the hinshide."

Did that make any sense? No? That's okay, because another person with a ridiculous accent shows up - The Puffin! (Google image Search it. It's okay!)

The Puffin is afat, stocky man with a conspicuous umbrella and top hat. He announces, "It is my villainous Scheme to take over GotHam (Pronounced Got Ham, as two seperate words, but its one word), and I'll do it with the Push of a Button!"

The Puffin busts a remote control out of his jacket with a single, large red button on it.

"Rhobhin", says BhatMhan, "How whill whe dhefheat him?"

Before BahtMhan could finish his sentence, Pequito Jim jumped into action. She ran towards puffin, she felt the rush of adrenaline coursing through her veins, then fear set in. "I have no weapon" Just then, she felt her cloak start to tighten around her neck.
"Whats going on" She was finding more and more difficult to breathe.
She stopped running and took off the cloak and realized why it was starting to choke her.
Her wonderfully polka dotted cloak was shrinking, no not shrinking, condensing. It was condensing itself into something.
A Sword. Her brooche had formed the hilt of the sword, which was still blue in color, but free of polka dots. In the center of the hilt was a red gem that she had not noticed earlier. She pushes it and out of the end of the sword a disc (the size of the polka dots) is projected. It hits a near by trash can and explodes on impact.

The Puffin is so shocked by this development that he drops the remote and his jaw both, one of which lands on the ground and shatters into several pieces. Fortunatly, it wasn't his Jaw.

"Ohh, Teh Noes! That was my Fix the economy button! It would have made everyone so grateful, they would have elected me mayor!"

The Puffin bursts into tears.

"there there, Let me just get that for you." Pequito Jim begins to pick up the pieces of the remote, "Umm Hello Old man, You just gonna stand over there or what, the mans in tears for goodness sake"

PequitoJim put all the pieces of the remote in her satchel, Intending to take them to the Magic fix it up shop, seriously thats what its called, you know how goblins can be. She was excited to hear of someone else being the mayor other than the one she had been working for for what seemed like ages, after all he is such a jerk!. She couldn't trust Puffin to be a mayor, or even trust that his economy fixing remote did what he claimed. But she would get it fixed either way, and with it, Set out on her new mission.... To Find a way less jerky Mayor for Khiillleenn or whatever the city is called Killeen gotham; tomatoe tomatoe (Lol I realize that saying doesn't work quite so well when written, but you get the point.. geeze stop beeing so judgey you judgey reader of words you)

Mayor Adam West IS a total jerk. And I totally forgot that I established we were in Killeen when Puffin tried to take over GotHam. Whoops!

"Lhet Mhe hhelp yhou whith that." Said BhatMhan. He snagged PJs satchel, and started running away! Was he seriously trying to steal the Magic Economy fixing button? Maybe! Find out next week, on the same Bhat time, same Bhat channel!

Nhanhanhanhanha.... Whatever

"REALLY BAHTMHAN? REALLY?!, Well poop" PequitoJim turns to Puffin, "So do you think a got the job?"

roll credits:cool2:

The Puffin says "Yes! I want your help to fix the Economy, and get me elected Mayor! And I'm going to do it using the IDeathray by Omegacorp!"

See what I did there? I'm combining loose plot threads. Get it? Because one of the jobs Ahh, no one cares.