Gordon is standing in the middle of one of Victoria's busiest streets. People rush past him as if in fast-forward, while he remains fixed in the one spot, not being able to move. Not being able to move his feet, he looks up and sees that the sun is directly overhead. The light is blinding but at the same time it doesn't seem to damage his eyes. While Gordon is staring upwards, time slows back down to normal while at the same time, there is a sudden tremor. The ground shakes around him, people stop, shocked, and outdoor furniture and signs all around fall over. But in a matter of seconds, it has passed, and people carry back on with their lives, a little shocked but seeming not to care that much.
Gordon realises that he is dreaming at this point. While he wonders why he has not woken up yet and while remaining fixed to the spot, time speeds up again for him, a lot faster this time. The sun quickly sets in a manner of seconds and time slows back down to normal again. At this point, it seems to be late evening. The sun has nearly set and the sky is mostly dark except for a faint pink glow. Victoria's nightlife has emerged - restaurant-goers dine at outdoor tables and crowds of people line up outside nightclubs and bars. Then all of a sudden, it happens. There is another tremor - massive this time, ten times bigger than the last one. The ground cracks, lights go out, and buildings collapse in a manner of seconds. People are crushed by debris and the ones that remain alive run and scream, trying to escape from the destruction. Although Gordon remains seemingly unaffected by the earthquake, he wants desperately to run as well. Although he can't, because he's fixed to the spot. As he struggles to try and free himself from this state of paralysis, Gordon wakes up in his bed, his sheets drenched with sweat.
His heart pounding, and filled with relief, Gordon looks over at his bedside clock. It's 11:52 AM. It's a Saturday. It was only a dream.
"Hello! I've come to serenade you. I can't play guitar. I can't play this accordion either, but I thought it'd be less obvious."
Dylan Moran, Black Books
Standing up in a frenzy, Gordon begins cursing to himself, "damn, I meant to go to the gym this morning. How on earth is it already almost noon?!" Heart beating, body drenched in sweat and frantically confused, the journalist took a deep breath and moved to the large window in his loft, peering out to make sure everything was still normal.
Although Gordon's eyes were still adjusting to the light due to it being somewhat later in the day than he usually wakes up, as far as he could tell, everything was completely normal. Cars and people rushed past on the busy Victorian streets below.
"Hello! I've come to serenade you. I can't play guitar. I can't play this accordion either, but I thought it'd be less obvious."
Dylan Moran, Black Books
Now a little more settled, he stopped talking to himself and kept his (someone cynical) thoughts inside his head, too bad. I was hoping to see some chaos on this lovely morning. Even though it was later in the day, habit took over as he moved to his bedside table and picked up his moleskine, flipping through it to see if he had any plans for the day.
On today's page, his notebook contained the words:
9am - Gym
12:30 - Lunch w/ David, Fresco's
rift
With any chances of going to the gym this morning were obviously long gone, Gordon turned his attention to the second item. "Of course", he thought to himself, "how could I forget?". David was an old friend who had contributed quite a lot to Gordon's magazine. They had been meaning to catch up for a long time now.
Gordon had no idea what the last word was referring to.
"Hello! I've come to serenade you. I can't play guitar. I can't play this accordion either, but I thought it'd be less obvious."
Dylan Moran, Black Books
With the skills of a bachelor finely tuned, Gordon showered, shaved, dressed and was ready in a matter of minutes. He grabbed his keys, cell phone, iPod, moleskine, a pen and his camera, shoving them into a messenger bag and left the loft, hoping that traffic wasn't bad. Normally he opted to take public transit, enjoying the more environmentally friendly approach and indulging in his habit of people watching but today he was in a hurry and would drive.
Gordon was driving along a suburban road, approaching the centre of town. He was content, apart from the sun above his head being in his eyes a bit.
Then all of a sudden, the ground shook. Just like in his dream. Gordon ground the car to a halt as did all of the other motorists. Ornaments and furniture outside houses shook, but after a few seconds, it had passed. From the looks of it, other people were shocked but not majorly so. Gordon would not be that concerned either, had it not been for his dream - this tremor resembled the first part of it almost exactly.
"Hello! I've come to serenade you. I can't play guitar. I can't play this accordion either, but I thought it'd be less obvious."
Dylan Moran, Black Books
"Christ!" he yelled as he gripped his steering wheel. He quickly exited his car, hoping the other motorists around him would do the same so that he could talk about the events with someone else.
Although most people had driven off, there were a few confused and startled motorists standing around outside their cars. One of them, a middle-aged man, yelled to no one in particular, but in Gordon's general direction.
"Hello! I've come to serenade you. I can't play guitar. I can't play this accordion either, but I thought it'd be less obvious."
Dylan Moran, Black Books
It was probably unwise to sound like a crazy man and tell anyone about his dream at the time, so Gordon approached the yelling man professionally, "Hi, I'm a journalist with STB" he said as he pulled out his moleskine and a pen on reflex, "care to tell me your thoughts on what just happened"
"STB?" said the man, obviously unfamiliar with the magazine. "Um, I dunno, really. There was just that big tremor and I was terrified. Couldn't think straight. Could've been a lot worse though. Doesn't seem like much damage."
"Hello! I've come to serenade you. I can't play guitar. I can't play this accordion either, but I thought it'd be less obvious."
Dylan Moran, Black Books
Standard response thought Gordon, obviously hoping for an interesting story. "Thank you" he politely replied, pretending to jot down some notes before returning to his car. I hope David understands why I'm late.
Traffic was backed up a bit but it wasn't too unmanageable. Gordon arrived at the restaurant that he was supposed to meet David at ten to one. And sure enough, he was sitting out the front, at a table, sipping a latte. He was grinning.
"Gordon, lovely to see you again." he said, still grinning, extending his hand but not standing up.
"Hello! I've come to serenade you. I can't play guitar. I can't play this accordion either, but I thought it'd be less obvious."
Dylan Moran, Black Books
"Hello! I've come to serenade you. I can't play guitar. I can't play this accordion either, but I thought it'd be less obvious."
Dylan Moran, Black Books
"It's going well" Gordon replied, trying not to boast too much, "we just upped the print run and we're starting to make some really good money with it. Of course, a lot of that goes to offsetting paper usage and whatnot, but it's starting to make me a decent living. Anything new in your life?"
"Listen, I'll cut right to the point. I can get you an amazing interview. A friend of mine is working with the Canadian Scientific Institute. Sounds big, but it's a tiny little place. They're pretty top-secret, but I've pressured this guy - Jim, his name is - and he's agreed to allow you an interview. He's a big reader of STB, apparently."
"Hello! I've come to serenade you. I can't play guitar. I can't play this accordion either, but I thought it'd be less obvious."
Dylan Moran, Black Books
David chuckled at Gordon's choice of words and gave a fairly vague answer that didn't really answer Gordon's question.
"Some sort of earth drilling technology apparently. Alternative energy. But unlike anything anyone's seen before. It's pretty amazing stuff, or so he tells me."
"Hello! I've come to serenade you. I can't play guitar. I can't play this accordion either, but I thought it'd be less obvious."
Dylan Moran, Black Books
"Geothermal or a totally new source of energy?" inquired Gordon as the environmentalist in him giggled like a schoolgirl, "so where is he, and when can I meet him?"
"Totally new apparently. I really don't understand the science or anything, unfortunately. He's at the CSI offices, which is right in town, actually. On Bay Street. You can't miss it, it's a really bright, white building, about two stories. He'd be free for an interview at two o'clock today, if that gives you enough time and if you're not doing anything."
"Hello! I've come to serenade you. I can't play guitar. I can't play this accordion either, but I thought it'd be less obvious."
Dylan Moran, Black Books
Instinctively, Gordon opened his moleskine to check his schedule. Of course, it hadn't changed from when he read it in the morning and the only thing following his lunch with David was the word "rift". "Sounds great, David. Thanks again! I'll give you a call later and let you know how it goes, alright?"
"Allright. It was lovely seeing you. But I've got to be off - we should have had longer to talk, but all that disturbance this morning kind of held things up. You know the life of a socialite - rush, rush." he said, half facetiously. Gordon and him said their goodbyes, and David left. The time was one o'clock.
"Hello! I've come to serenade you. I can't play guitar. I can't play this accordion either, but I thought it'd be less obvious."
Dylan Moran, Black Books
Gordon left a tip on the table, though he had absentmindedly not ordered anything to eat or drink. He smiled to a cute girl on his way out, anxious to meet up with David's contact.
The girl smiled back at Gordon but continued on her way. It would probably take about twenty minutes to walk across town to the location that David gave him - possibly more if he drove, given that the streets were still quite congested and closed off in some places.
"Hello! I've come to serenade you. I can't play guitar. I can't play this accordion either, but I thought it'd be less obvious."
Dylan Moran, Black Books
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Gordon is standing in the middle of one of Victoria's busiest streets. People rush past him as if in fast-forward, while he remains fixed in the one spot, not being able to move. Not being able to move his feet, he looks up and sees that the sun is directly overhead. The light is blinding but at the same time it doesn't seem to damage his eyes. While Gordon is staring upwards, time slows back down to normal while at the same time, there is a sudden tremor. The ground shakes around him, people stop, shocked, and outdoor furniture and signs all around fall over. But in a matter of seconds, it has passed, and people carry back on with their lives, a little shocked but seeming not to care that much.
Gordon realises that he is dreaming at this point. While he wonders why he has not woken up yet and while remaining fixed to the spot, time speeds up again for him, a lot faster this time. The sun quickly sets in a manner of seconds and time slows back down to normal again. At this point, it seems to be late evening. The sun has nearly set and the sky is mostly dark except for a faint pink glow. Victoria's nightlife has emerged - restaurant-goers dine at outdoor tables and crowds of people line up outside nightclubs and bars. Then all of a sudden, it happens. There is another tremor - massive this time, ten times bigger than the last one. The ground cracks, lights go out, and buildings collapse in a manner of seconds. People are crushed by debris and the ones that remain alive run and scream, trying to escape from the destruction. Although Gordon remains seemingly unaffected by the earthquake, he wants desperately to run as well. Although he can't, because he's fixed to the spot. As he struggles to try and free himself from this state of paralysis, Gordon wakes up in his bed, his sheets drenched with sweat.
His heart pounding, and filled with relief, Gordon looks over at his bedside clock. It's 11:52 AM. It's a Saturday. It was only a dream.
spanglegluppet dot com
"Hello! I've come to serenade you. I can't play guitar. I can't play this accordion either, but I thought it'd be less obvious."
Dylan Moran, Black Books
[Left Play Designs][Coffeehouse][DeviantArt]
Winner MTGS Weekly Sig/Banner Contest
Weeks: 37/85/87/94/135/159/160/226
spanglegluppet dot com
"Hello! I've come to serenade you. I can't play guitar. I can't play this accordion either, but I thought it'd be less obvious."
Dylan Moran, Black Books
[Left Play Designs][Coffeehouse][DeviantArt]
Winner MTGS Weekly Sig/Banner Contest
Weeks: 37/85/87/94/135/159/160/226
9am - Gym
12:30 - Lunch w/ David, Fresco's
rift
With any chances of going to the gym this morning were obviously long gone, Gordon turned his attention to the second item. "Of course", he thought to himself, "how could I forget?". David was an old friend who had contributed quite a lot to Gordon's magazine. They had been meaning to catch up for a long time now.
Gordon had no idea what the last word was referring to.
spanglegluppet dot com
"Hello! I've come to serenade you. I can't play guitar. I can't play this accordion either, but I thought it'd be less obvious."
Dylan Moran, Black Books
[Left Play Designs][Coffeehouse][DeviantArt]
Winner MTGS Weekly Sig/Banner Contest
Weeks: 37/85/87/94/135/159/160/226
Then all of a sudden, the ground shook. Just like in his dream. Gordon ground the car to a halt as did all of the other motorists. Ornaments and furniture outside houses shook, but after a few seconds, it had passed. From the looks of it, other people were shocked but not majorly so. Gordon would not be that concerned either, had it not been for his dream - this tremor resembled the first part of it almost exactly.
spanglegluppet dot com
"Hello! I've come to serenade you. I can't play guitar. I can't play this accordion either, but I thought it'd be less obvious."
Dylan Moran, Black Books
[Left Play Designs][Coffeehouse][DeviantArt]
Winner MTGS Weekly Sig/Banner Contest
Weeks: 37/85/87/94/135/159/160/226
"Jesus Christ, what just happened there?"
spanglegluppet dot com
"Hello! I've come to serenade you. I can't play guitar. I can't play this accordion either, but I thought it'd be less obvious."
Dylan Moran, Black Books
[Left Play Designs][Coffeehouse][DeviantArt]
Winner MTGS Weekly Sig/Banner Contest
Weeks: 37/85/87/94/135/159/160/226
spanglegluppet dot com
"Hello! I've come to serenade you. I can't play guitar. I can't play this accordion either, but I thought it'd be less obvious."
Dylan Moran, Black Books
[Left Play Designs][Coffeehouse][DeviantArt]
Winner MTGS Weekly Sig/Banner Contest
Weeks: 37/85/87/94/135/159/160/226
"Gordon, lovely to see you again." he said, still grinning, extending his hand but not standing up.
spanglegluppet dot com
"Hello! I've come to serenade you. I can't play guitar. I can't play this accordion either, but I thought it'd be less obvious."
Dylan Moran, Black Books
[Left Play Designs][Coffeehouse][DeviantArt]
Winner MTGS Weekly Sig/Banner Contest
Weeks: 37/85/87/94/135/159/160/226
spanglegluppet dot com
"Hello! I've come to serenade you. I can't play guitar. I can't play this accordion either, but I thought it'd be less obvious."
Dylan Moran, Black Books
[Left Play Designs][Coffeehouse][DeviantArt]
Winner MTGS Weekly Sig/Banner Contest
Weeks: 37/85/87/94/135/159/160/226
"Listen, I'll cut right to the point. I can get you an amazing interview. A friend of mine is working with the Canadian Scientific Institute. Sounds big, but it's a tiny little place. They're pretty top-secret, but I've pressured this guy - Jim, his name is - and he's agreed to allow you an interview. He's a big reader of STB, apparently."
spanglegluppet dot com
"Hello! I've come to serenade you. I can't play guitar. I can't play this accordion either, but I thought it'd be less obvious."
Dylan Moran, Black Books
[Left Play Designs][Coffeehouse][DeviantArt]
Winner MTGS Weekly Sig/Banner Contest
Weeks: 37/85/87/94/135/159/160/226
"Some sort of earth drilling technology apparently. Alternative energy. But unlike anything anyone's seen before. It's pretty amazing stuff, or so he tells me."
spanglegluppet dot com
"Hello! I've come to serenade you. I can't play guitar. I can't play this accordion either, but I thought it'd be less obvious."
Dylan Moran, Black Books
[Left Play Designs][Coffeehouse][DeviantArt]
Winner MTGS Weekly Sig/Banner Contest
Weeks: 37/85/87/94/135/159/160/226
spanglegluppet dot com
"Hello! I've come to serenade you. I can't play guitar. I can't play this accordion either, but I thought it'd be less obvious."
Dylan Moran, Black Books
[Left Play Designs][Coffeehouse][DeviantArt]
Winner MTGS Weekly Sig/Banner Contest
Weeks: 37/85/87/94/135/159/160/226
spanglegluppet dot com
"Hello! I've come to serenade you. I can't play guitar. I can't play this accordion either, but I thought it'd be less obvious."
Dylan Moran, Black Books
[Left Play Designs][Coffeehouse][DeviantArt]
Winner MTGS Weekly Sig/Banner Contest
Weeks: 37/85/87/94/135/159/160/226
spanglegluppet dot com
"Hello! I've come to serenade you. I can't play guitar. I can't play this accordion either, but I thought it'd be less obvious."
Dylan Moran, Black Books