Everyone who has seen a really old Magic card knows how crazy the wording used to be (See: Guardian Beast, Animate Dead, Roc Hydra, etc...) and for some of us old farts, we really get a kick out of it. I thought a fun game might be re-wording new cards to have weird, old-style wording. For example:
Noble Hierarch G
Summon Hierarch
Until end of turn, if a creature you control attacks by itself, it gains +1/+1.
Taps to add either W, U, or G to mana pool.
0/1
So for this game, each poster has to reword the card from the last post before them and then choose a new card for the next person.
Stoke the Flames 2RR
Stoke deals 4 damage to any one target. You may tap creatures as though they were lands to play this card, with each creature producing mana of one of its colors. Creatures already tapped can't be used this way, but creatures with summoning sickness can. You can't tap more creatures than you need to play Stoke.
Angel's Grace W
Interrupt
No one can cast any spells or activate any abilities except to provide mana until this spell is finished. You cannot lose the game this turn and no other player can win this turn. If you suffer damage this turn that brings you to 0 or less life, you remain at 1 life instead.
Shambling Vent
Land
Comes into play tapped. Taps for either white or black mana. You can make Vents a 2/3 creature that counts as a white and black elemental for {1}{W}{B} that turn. Whenever Vents deals damage as a creature, you also gain that much life.
Emrakul, the Aeons Torn 15
Summon Legend
When Emrakul is being summoned, you gain another turn after this one.
Emrakul can't be countered when summoned.
Flying, protection from colored spells (this includes your spells)
When Emrakul attacks, defending player discards six permanents.
If Emrakul goes to your graveyard for any reason, shuffle your graveyard and library together into a new library.
15/15
Awww. He lost his extra turn.
I was sooo hoping for:
"When you play Emrakul, take an extra turn even if its countered. Emrakul can't be countered."
Next: Dig Through Time
Dig Through Time
Instant, 6UU
As you play Dig Through Time, you may remove cards in your graveyard from the game, returning them only when the game is over. Each card removed this way pays for {1} of this card's mana. Draw seven cards, but choose only two to put into your hand. Put the leftovers on the bottom of your library.
I also thought of putting "Your opponent loses next turn" on Emrakul if I had to reword her as a reference to the old version of Time Walk (the wording was changed because people realized it could be mistaken as "loses the game" (although she pretty much makes your opponent lose most of the time anyways). And I also thought of writing those abilities too, actually.
Rageform 2RR
Enchant top card of your library
Take the top card of your library and put it into play face down. Treat that card as a 2/2 creature that has just been summoned. You may look at the face-down card at any time and turn it face up by paying its mana cost if it's a creature. Rageform remains on that creature even after you do this. In combat, target creature deals damage twice. The first time it deals damage is dealt at the same time as creatures with first strike.
(Strangely enough, the double strike part was the hardest to do here. The rest, I took inspiration from Animate Dead and Illusionary Mask, but double strike didn't exist back then.)
Demonic Pact, I feel, would have been one of those ambiguous walls of text...so here it is!
Demonic Pact 2BB
Enchantment
During your upkeep, either draw two cards, force an opponent to discard two cards, opponent or target creature suffers 4 damage and you gain 4 life, or you lose the game. You can only pick each option once. Note the options used.
Punishing Fire
Instant, 1R
Punshing Fire deals 2 points of damage to any one target.
{R}: Put Punishing Fire into your hand. Use this ability only when target opponent successfully gains life and Punishing Fire is in your graveyard.
Benalish Commander 3W
Summon Soldier
The *s in the lower right are equal to the number of Soldiers you have in play, including this one. XWW: Set Benalish Commander aside with X counters on it. X cannot be zero. Play this only when you can play a sorcery. As long as this card is set aside, at the beginning of your turn, remove a counter and summon a Soldier, a 1/1 creature. Use counters to represent each Soldier, making sure to indicate when each Soldier is tapped. Treat each Soldier as though it were a white creature, except it is removed from the game entirely when it leaves play. When there are no counters left on this card, return this card to play. Treat it as though it had just been summoned, except it can attack this turn too.
*/*
Catacomb Sifter 1BG
Summon Sifter
Treat Sifter as if it was colorless (it does not count as an artifact).
Upon summoning, put a Scion token into play. Treat the Scion as 1/1 colorless creature with "Sacrifice: Add 1 colorless mana to your mana pool. This ability is played as an interrupt."
If Sifter or another creature you control dies, you can draw the top card of your library into your hand then put it on the top or bottom of your library.
2/3
Painter's Servant 2
Artifact Creature
Choose a color. All cards, regardless of whether or not they're in play, are that color. They retain their old color as well.
1/3
(Yes, this one actually got shorter than the proper text.)
Pith Driller 4
Summon Pith Driller
As an additional cost to summon driller, pay 2 life or 1 black mana.
Treat Pith Driller as a black creature.
Upon summoning, driller puts a -1/-1 counter on target creature. If this reduces
that creatures toughness to 0, it dies and can't be regenerated.
2/4
Vial of the Æther (Vial of the Æther's mana cost can be paid with 1 mana of any color)
Vial of the Æther was constructed by an Artificer, probably
When you are in the upkeep step, as soon as it starts, Vial of the Æther can get a counter that charges it.
If you turn Vial of the Æther sideways, you can do this: Count the mana symbols on a fighter guy inked cardboard cutout that you are holding, including the one with the number (add the number in this case), then count the number of counters charging it. If the number is the same, you can place it on your playmat for free.
2011: Best Mafia Performance (Individual) - Best Newcomer
2012: Best (False?) Role Claim - Worst Town Performance (Group) - Best Mafia Performance (Group) - Best SK Performance - Best Overall Player
2013: Best Non-SK Neutral Performance
2014: Best Town Performance (Individual) - Best Town Performance (Group) - Most Interesting Role - Best Game - Best Overall Player
2015: Worst Mafia Performance (Group) - Best Read
2016: Best Town Performance (Group) - Best Town Player - Best Overall Player
(Iso, I think you overdid it... old cards at least got mana costs and some type lines correct, usually.)
Dragonlord Silumgar 4UB
Summon Elder Dragon Legend
Flying
Any creature dealt damage by Silumgar is immediately destroyed after damage is dealt.
When Silumgar comes into play, take control of target creature. Lose control of the creature if you no longer control Silumgar. The creature cannot attack the turn you take control of it.
3/5
2011: Best Mafia Performance (Individual) - Best Newcomer
2012: Best (False?) Role Claim - Worst Town Performance (Group) - Best Mafia Performance (Group) - Best SK Performance - Best Overall Player
2013: Best Non-SK Neutral Performance
2014: Best Town Performance (Individual) - Best Town Performance (Group) - Most Interesting Role - Best Game - Best Overall Player
2015: Worst Mafia Performance (Group) - Best Read
2016: Best Town Performance (Group) - Best Town Player - Best Overall Player
Protean Hulk 5GG
Summon Hulk
When Protean Hulk is sent to the graveyard, take from your library any number of creatures with total combined casting cost 6 or less and put them into play. Treat them as though they were just summoned. Shuffle your library afterward.
6/6
Roil Spout 1WU
Sorcery
Put target creature on top of its owner's library. You may pay 3 as Roil Spout is being cast to have target land become a colorless creature with power and toughness 0/0; target retains all its original abilities. Put four +1/+1 counters on it.
Card: Noble Hierarch
Noble Hierarch G
Summon Hierarch
Until end of turn, if a creature you control attacks by itself, it gains +1/+1.
Taps to add either W, U, or G to mana pool.
0/1
So for this game, each poster has to reword the card from the last post before them and then choose a new card for the next person.
I'll start it off with: Stoke the Flames
Stoke deals 4 damage to any one target. You may tap creatures as though they were lands to play this card, with each creature producing mana of one of its colors. Creatures already tapped can't be used this way, but creatures with summoning sickness can. You can't tap more creatures than you need to play Stoke.
Next up: Angel's Grace
No longer staff here.
Interrupt
No one can cast any spells or activate any abilities except to provide mana until this spell is finished. You cannot lose the game this turn and no other player can win this turn. If you suffer damage this turn that brings you to 0 or less life, you remain at 1 life instead.
Next card:
Shambling Vent
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Land
Comes into play tapped. Taps for either white or black mana. You can make Vents a 2/3 creature that counts as a white and black elemental for {1}{W}{B} that turn. Whenever Vents deals damage as a creature, you also gain that much life.
Next Up:
Emrakul, the Aeons Torn
No longer staff here.
Summon Legend
When Emrakul is being summoned, you gain another turn after this one.
Emrakul can't be countered when summoned.
Flying, protection from colored spells (this includes your spells)
When Emrakul attacks, defending player discards six permanents.
If Emrakul goes to your graveyard for any reason, shuffle your graveyard and library together into a new library.
15/15
(holy crap that was a lot!)
Next: Dig Through Time
I was sooo hoping for:
"When you play Emrakul, take an extra turn even if its countered. Emrakul can't be countered."
Dig Through Time
Instant, 6UU
As you play Dig Through Time, you may remove cards in your graveyard from the game, returning them only when the game is over. Each card removed this way pays for {1} of this card's mana. Draw seven cards, but choose only two to put into your hand. Put the leftovers on the bottom of your library.
(I secretly love Aladdin's Lamp's original wording)
Next: Rageform
No longer staff here.
Rageform 2RR
Enchant top card of your library
Take the top card of your library and put it into play face down. Treat that card as a 2/2 creature that has just been summoned. You may look at the face-down card at any time and turn it face up by paying its mana cost if it's a creature. Rageform remains on that creature even after you do this. In combat, target creature deals damage twice. The first time it deals damage is dealt at the same time as creatures with first strike.
(Strangely enough, the double strike part was the hardest to do here. The rest, I took inspiration from Animate Dead and Illusionary Mask, but double strike didn't exist back then.)
Next card: Demonic Pact
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Demonic Pact, I feel, would have been one of those ambiguous walls of text...so here it is!
Demonic Pact 2BB
Enchantment
During your upkeep, either draw two cards, force an opponent to discard two cards, opponent or target creature suffers 4 damage and you gain 4 life, or you lose the game. You can only pick each option once. Note the options used.
Next: Punishing Fire
Instant, 1R
Punshing Fire deals 2 points of damage to any one target.
{R}: Put Punishing Fire into your hand. Use this ability only when target opponent successfully gains life and Punishing Fire is in your graveyard.
Next: Benalish Commander
No longer staff here.
Summon Soldier
The *s in the lower right are equal to the number of Soldiers you have in play, including this one.
XWW: Set Benalish Commander aside with X counters on it. X cannot be zero. Play this only when you can play a sorcery. As long as this card is set aside, at the beginning of your turn, remove a counter and summon a Soldier, a 1/1 creature. Use counters to represent each Soldier, making sure to indicate when each Soldier is tapped. Treat each Soldier as though it were a white creature, except it is removed from the game entirely when it leaves play. When there are no counters left on this card, return this card to play. Treat it as though it had just been summoned, except it can attack this turn too.
*/*
Next card: Catacomb Sifter
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Summon Sifter
Treat Sifter as if it was colorless (it does not count as an artifact).
Upon summoning, put a Scion token into play. Treat the Scion as 1/1 colorless creature with "Sacrifice: Add 1 colorless mana to your mana pool. This ability is played as an interrupt."
If Sifter or another creature you control dies, you can draw the top card of your library into your hand then put it on the top or bottom of your library.
2/3
Next card: Painter's Servant
Artifact Creature
Choose a color. All cards, regardless of whether or not they're in play, are that color. They retain their old color as well.
1/3
(Yes, this one actually got shorter than the proper text.)
Next: Pith Driller
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Summon Pith Driller
As an additional cost to summon driller, pay 2 life or 1 black mana.
Treat Pith Driller as a black creature.
Upon summoning, driller puts a -1/-1 counter on target creature. If this reduces
that creatures toughness to 0, it dies and can't be regenerated.
2/4
Next: Aether Vial
Vial of the Æther was constructed by an Artificer, probably
When you are in the upkeep step, as soon as it starts, Vial of the Æther can get a counter that charges it.
If you turn Vial of the Æther sideways, you can do this: Count the mana symbols on a fighter guy inked cardboard cutout that you are holding, including the one with the number (add the number in this case), then count the number of counters charging it. If the number is the same, you can place it on your playmat for free.
Next: Dragonlord Silumgar
{мы, тьма}
2012: Best (False?) Role Claim - Worst Town Performance (Group) - Best Mafia Performance (Group) - Best SK Performance - Best Overall Player
2013: Best Non-SK Neutral Performance
2014: Best Town Performance (Individual) - Best Town Performance (Group) - Most Interesting Role - Best Game - Best Overall Player
2015: Worst Mafia Performance (Group) - Best Read
2016: Best Town Performance (Group) - Best Town Player - Best Overall Player
Dragonlord Silumgar 4UB
Summon Elder Dragon Legend
Flying
Any creature dealt damage by Silumgar is immediately destroyed after damage is dealt.
When Silumgar comes into play, take control of target creature. Lose control of the creature if you no longer control Silumgar. The creature cannot attack the turn you take control of it.
3/5
Next card... Tarmogoyf.
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Summon Lhurgoyf
* is equal to the number of card types buried.
*/1+*
Next card: Protean Hulk
{мы, тьма}
2012: Best (False?) Role Claim - Worst Town Performance (Group) - Best Mafia Performance (Group) - Best SK Performance - Best Overall Player
2013: Best Non-SK Neutral Performance
2014: Best Town Performance (Individual) - Best Town Performance (Group) - Most Interesting Role - Best Game - Best Overall Player
2015: Worst Mafia Performance (Group) - Best Read
2016: Best Town Performance (Group) - Best Town Player - Best Overall Player
Summon Hulk
When Protean Hulk is sent to the graveyard, take from your library any number of creatures with total combined casting cost 6 or less and put them into play. Treat them as though they were just summoned. Shuffle your library afterward.
6/6
Next card: Roil Spout
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Sorcery
Put target creature on top of its owner's library. You may pay 3 as Roil Spout is being cast to have target land become a colorless creature with power and toughness 0/0; target retains all its original abilities. Put four +1/+1 counters on it.
Next: Griselbrand