I, like many, love Phyrexia. I grew up with Phyrexians being Magic's villains, and New Phyrexia was my favorite set in recent years. With that in mind, it should be no surprise that I have thought extensively about where the storyline for New Phyrexia is going. Here's what I've got. This is the prologue, but I have much more planned. I hope anyone who reads this enjoys it. Constructive feedback is always appreciated.
Koth rose to his feet unsteadily, looking around the mountainside on which he found himself. Though it pained him greatly, he had escaped by the only means he'd had at his disposal: planeswalking. He'd never 'walked like that before though. Usually a 'walk involved focus, concentration, and a destination. This had been like his spark reigniting; panic, fear, no destination, just a dire need to escape the fate which was bearing down upon him. Elspeth had already 'walked, he was sure of that. When the spellbomb had gone off, it had weakened the wall he'd erected. It only took the obliterators on the other side moments to carve through the thin layer of rock, and before the confrontation he'd noted that Elspeth was gone.
There had been no intention on his part to follow her. He needed to remain, to inspect the results of the spellbomb, and to eliminate any survivors. If he was lucky, all the praetors as well as Tezzeret would be dead. If he was unlucky, well, he was prepared to give up his life to ensure that they ended up that way. The first sign of trouble was the obliterators. In a one-on-one fight, he wasn't sure he could win against an obliterator. Every past confrontation he'd had with them had required assistance from Elspeth or from the mountains themselves. Seeing one lurching at him, the choice was obvious. Koth raised the floor below him into a column of stone, lifting himself out of the room and plugging the hole the spellbomb had made at the same time. Turning towards the throne, his optimism turned to cold horror. Seated upon it was Elesh Norn, with Jin-Gitaxias standing behind her left shoulder. Against the far wall slumped the massive figure of Vorinclex. His left massive, tooth-covered forearm was missing, and the jagged, bone-like plates around his head were broken off sharply near his neck. Koth was unsure if he was still alive. Tezzeret was nowhere to be seen. Unsurprising, he supposed. Tezzeret had struck him as too shrewd to stick around find out what intentions the new Father of Machines had for him. Or, as appeared to be the case, what the new Mother of Machines intended for him. That just left Koth, alone and clad in darksteel plate, to deal with the ascension. Reaching inside himself, he grasped for memories of the uncorrupted mountains, of the red sun at it's zenith, of rock and metal and fire. Mana flowed into him, and he shaped it into shards of rock and metal which he hurled at the new Mother of Machines and her apparent vizier. Though Gitaxias moved ever so slightly to the left, just a hair from his previous position at Norn's right side, it was the only indication either gave that they had even noticed his assault. Then the doors on either side of Elesh Norn, constructs of metal, flesh and porcelain (or bone, Koth couldn't be sure) so massive that Koth had failed to register them as doors at first, began to open. And for the first time since enacting the assassination plan, Koth felt uncertainty mixing with the sick feeling in his stomach.
From the door on Elesh Norn's right, a grinning monstrosity emerged. In spite of the warped, oversized jaw packed with razor-sharp teeth and the impossibly long talons on either hand, there was no mistaking Ezuri. Koth had never liked Ezuri, but they had fought together against the Phyrexians, and Ezuri had more than once appeared at a crucial moment to help rout the Phyrexians or to help evacuate survivors. Now spikes of metal jutted out from his back, had replaced his forearms, his hands, and everything from the waist down. A sickly green glow issued from his eyes, and from something implanted in his chest. Any vestige of the haughty former elf was gone, replaced by the handiwork of The Progress Engine. Seeing him this way was grotesque. From the other door strode another monstrosity. This one's right arm terminated at the wrist, and in place of a hand was a massive bone-porcelain blade on some kind of ball joint. The right fore arm had a row of porcelain shards which swept backward and appeared to be razor sharp. Both upper arms and shoulders were completely covered in the porcelain-bone material that Elesh Norn favored in her creations. The legs had been replaced by a second torso, perpendicular to the first, from which jutted 6 legs. Koth wasn't sure what creature it had come from originally, but it was bulbous and made of a black chitinous material, with shards of porcelain jutting out sharply near the joints and along the sides of the torso. The creature's head was covered in a bone-porcelain skullcap, but its face remained the same as it ever was. Looking back at Koth was the face of Jor Kadeen, once known as the Prevailer. Jor had been a friend, or as close to one as could be found in guerilla resistance groups spread across New Phyrexia. It had been months since any contact from Jor Kadeen or his guerilla cell had been received by anyone in the resistance. Now Koth knew why. As both former comrades began to close the distance between Koth and themselves, Koth's attention wandered back to Vorinclex. If the praetor was truly finished, it left only Jin-Gitaxias and Elesh Norn to kill. A leaderless Phyrexia would be a vulnerable Phyrexia. To accomplish that, Koth reminded himself, would be worth far more than just his life. He steeled himself, wracking his brain for spells which could be useful in clearing the champions from his path and killing the remaining praetors.
It was then that Ezuri made his move. Crossing the remainder of the hall impossibly fast, he lunged at Koth, seemingly intent on removing Koth's face. The galvanic blast which greeted him from Koth's fingertips was just a whisper of what it would once have been. It slowed Ezuri, dropping him briefly to the floor, but did not kill him. Koth had no time to consider a follow-up, for in that moment Jor Kadeen was upon him. The porcelain blade swung into Koth's midsection so fast that all he could see was its after-image. It clanged off of Koth's darksteel plate mail harmlessly, but Koth noted that the edge left behind a small line of glistening oil. As the mana of the mountains flowed through him, a hammer of magma and rock formed in Koth's hand. He swung it as hard as he could at Jor, only to see the hammer's head shorn off by Jor's blade. From his left, Koth heard a voice.
"Koth. Submit. There can be no victory for you here. Phyrexia is impressed with your fortitude. If you submit, you will be remade in the most glorious fashion. You will be a paladin for the Mother of Machines, the vanguard of her invasion forces.There is no other option. Those who do not submit will be consumed. Choose the glory of Phyrexia, Koth." The words were jarring. At first, Koth had filtered them out, focusing on avoiding Jor Kadeen's attacks and launching counter-attacks. But then he heard the words "invasion force", and his focus faltered. What could the Phyrexians possibly be planning to invade? They were trapped here on Phyrexia, without a means of traversing to other planes. Only Tezzeret had had that ability, and he had long since abandoned the plane for other pursuits. Hadn't he?
The kick came hard and fast. While parrying a blow from Jor Kadeen, Koth had been distracted by Ezuri's monologue. Before he could fully process it, Ezuri's foot crashed into his chest. The force of the blow sent Koth flying across the room and into the far wall. His head swam as he struggled to suck in the air which had been knocked out of him. Ezuri and Jor Kadeen crossed the distance in seconds, but to Koth's surprise they merely restrained his arms and legs. Then surprise melted into horror, as a new creature emerged from the right door behind Elesh Norn. Though nominally human in shape, the creature had undergone extensive alteration. At the end of each knee, half a dozen smaller legs erupted. Each appeared like a spider's leg, except for being longer than Koth's arm and constructed of the same black, chitinous material which composed Jor Kadeen's body and legs. The creature's upper legs were entirely wrapped in metal, as was the lower portion of the torso. The upper torso was covered in a chest plate of procelain, and each arm had been bifurcated at the elbow to allow a second arm to be added. And the horror was wearing Venser's face.
"You're dead," Koth croaked hoarsely. "I watched you give your life and your spark to Karn."
"You're only partially correct," responded the Venser-horror. Its lower jaw was bifurcated and had separated at the chin, opening to the right and left to reveal additional triangular teeth and a throat lined with the same triangular teeth.
"I was dead, you see," the horror continued,"and I did give up my spark. But this is Phyrexia, Koth. Death is not the end here. I'm sure I will die many more times in furtherance of the glory of Phyrexia. And they will revive me again, for one simple reason: I am opening the multiverse to the Mother of Machines. I am her favorite son. When Gitaxias found my body, he and the Mother of Machines rebuilt me. Imagine their surprise when they found confirmation of other worlds and a partially-finished schematic for a plane-traversing ship within my mind? The oil rebirthed many of the glories of Phyrexia, but not the planes-traversing ships. It was fate that I would be born amidst the fetid swamps that were Yawgmoth's final resting place. It was fate that I would create the ambulator, and begin my plans for a planeshifting ship shortly before you forced me to this plane. You may consider this my thanks. If not for you, my fate would have gone unfulfilled. I would still remain in Urborg, and that mad golem would still be seated on the throne, gibbering at his loyal subjects. Instead I gave him my old life, and my unneeded spark, and now I have been reborn in the glory of Phyrexia. The Mother of Machines and her Grand Architect have compleated me, and give me all I require to ensure the compleation of the ship so that the glory of Phyrexia may spread to new worlds. It is a great honor I have been given, but it is not so great as the honor that has been reserved for you. You are a master of killing, Koth. You have cut down so many Phyrexians that even we have lost count. Now you will kill for Phyrexia. The Grand Architect will rebuild you to the specifications of the Mother, and you will be her greatest champion: a knight of New Phyrexia, powerful beyond comprehension and utterly dedicated to spreading her glory to new planes. We hope that you will be able to retain your spark during compleation, but the Mother has graciously informed me that I will receive no punishment if you do not. After all, the spark will be less useful once the ships have been compleated." At this the Venser-horror paused, looking at both champions who restrained Koth. Though no words were spoken, Jor Kadeen's blade-arm lowered, the point aimed at the gap in the armor between Koth's torso and waist. Ezuri's left hand ceased joining his right in restraining Koth, and moved slowly towards Koth's throat. Once they gripped it firmly, Jor Kadeen lowered his sword-arm. "You've already seen the glorious compleation of your former comrades," Venser continued,"So you know that what I say is true. Will you submit, Koth? Or must we kill you in order for you to be reborn to glories of Phyrexia?" With that question, Ezuri's grip relaxed slightly.
"I will never submit," Koth croaked.
"Then we will simply kill you first, and then compleat you," Venser replied casually. "Ezuri, kill him for the Mother of Machines. Then bring the corpse and follow me to the Progress Engine. We have a laboratory ready for him." As soon as the words were spoken, the grip around Koth's neck tightened. Claws began to dig in to the back of his neck, and in that moment panic seized him. If he died here and now, it would be for nothing. Worse, it would allow Phyrexia's contagion to spread to countless worlds, and his face would be commanding the invasion forces. His head began to swim, but before darkness could claim him it happened. Every bit as violent as when his spark ignited, the 'walk flung him out of the throne room and across the Blind Eternities in the space of a moment. He reappeared on a mountainside, the air around him clear and crisp. He was well above the tree line on an unknown mountain on an unknown plane. There was no stink of Phyrexia, and without Ezuri's claws at his throat his head began to clear quickly in the cool air. Instinctively, he reached out to the mountain. It was uncorrupted and unknown to Koth, and it had been quite some time since he had tried to form a bond with such a place in order to access its mana. It was more difficult than he remembered, so he sat upon a large boulder to close his eyes and focus. He had just touched the molten essence of the mountain when he felt a rough poke at his ribs. Opening his eyes presented him with half a dozen spears pointed at him.
NOTES- As I said before, in this prologue, we begin the story of NPH where Uncharted Realms left off. I have tried to keep the story tied to the game, with references to actual cards where appropriate. I posit that the compleation of Ezuri occurs at the hands of The Progress Engine, making him loyal to/a product of Jin-Gitaxias (this is based off of information available now that Commander 2015 product has been released). I also take the opportunity to kill Vorinclex and put Jin-Gitaxias in the position of #2 in the Phyrexian hierarchy. Gitaxias is smart enough to know that Elesh Norn has toppled 2 other Praetors and certainly has the power to take over his territory as well. To prevent this, I assumed he would naturally place himself in a subservient (and likely subversive) position as advisor. I admit that Koth is immune to the contagion, and this fact is somewhat glossed over. However, we all know the Phyrexians to be tenacious and obsessed with solving the riddle of Melira's inoculation. As it has been strongly implied that the Phyrexians have her in their grasp, it isn't terribly unreasonable (IMHO) to make the logical leap that they have solved or are close to solving the problem of immunity to the contagion. In imagining characters, I tried to imagine what their card would look like. Noting that Ezuri was 2 color, I tried imagining a New Phyrexia where multicolor magic was increasing. Norn conquered Red and Black territories already, obviously. Hence it seemed reasonable that in compleating Jor Kadeen, that the nuisances of individuality and passion would be removed with his connection to red mana, and that his phyrexianized version would be Black/White. His lower half description is a nod to Sheoldred. Venser I reimagined as an Esper colored creature due to having been a U/W planeswalker who was then revived and phyrexianized (having lost his spark, he's a creature). And of course both Elesh Norn and Jin-Gitaxias have been changed by their power. The cards I imagine are:
[Ezuri, Claw of Progress]{UG}
Jor Kadeen, the Corrupted {BW}
Jin-Gitaxias, Grand Architect {UW}
Elesh Norn, Mother of Machines {WUBRG}
Venser Compleated {WUB}
The story will of course involve other characters, and I'll update here as it progresses. I haven't fully nailed down where Koth landed, but I'm 80/20 for Kamigawa/Vryn. Of course, I might have to use an unknown plane. If you read closely, you know why. If you didn't, go back and read again. Did you catch it? No? Then re-read it one more time, and remember this: it only took one drop of oil hitchhiking on Karn to begin the infection of Mirrodin. Ah darn, I gave it away.
You various mention Koth expecting Tezzeret and also assuming Tezzeret has left. Perhaps make Koth's expectation or understanding of Tezzeret more consistent.
From a storytelling perspective--or at least my perspective as a reader--I would suggest you remove the frame of your story. Jump right in with Koth escaping the obliterator and end it with the planeswalk. Had your flashback been shorter, I think the frame would work. As you have it now, I don't think the opening few lines occurring on another plane add anything. We can see Elspeth disappear in real time, and experience Koth's horror at the compleated resistance as well as his rush to 'walk away.
As far as Koth's new location, you could always create a new plane. Or never give it a name. If you want him to contaminate a plane, a new one may be best. Of course, would post-Mending 'walkers be able to carry glistening oil on them through the Blind Eternities? Karn's heartstone was leaking the oil, too, which made his voyages more damning. Returning to Koth, if he is to stay on a new plane, you can find a place that would either contrast or compliment Phyrexia--does the plane have a penchant for artifacts (like Kaladesh) or more nature-based? Do we get an oppressive empire (like Phyrexia) or something more democratic? This may help get Koth refocused, inspired, or enraged.
If you haven't checked out my Mirrodin fiction, I'd love some reactions or feedback. I had some of my own impulses on where the story could go after Quest for Karn--although if you're producing in this area, I have some ideas for a post-Origins story on Gideon to bring him from Bant to the Order of Heliud.
Keep writing!
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Dominian Scholar of the Old Guard, specializing in pre-revisionist (Armada comics) and revisionist (Brothers' War through Apocalypse)history
Thanks for the suggestions. I'll need to review and rewrite later, I suppose, to clarify Koth's thoughts on Tezzeret (the feeling of half-expecting him but being unsurprised that Tezzeret was shrewd enough to exit New Phyrexia rather than stay for the coronation) and possibly to redo the opening framing. Although, if I'm being honest, I'd rather expand it further than chop it down. Koth's experience in the throne room, particularly the witnessing of a compleated Venser and the revelation that he intends to rebuild the old Phyrexian tools for traversing the planes, is crucial to where the story is going in my mind. I think what I'll end up doing is extending the prologue significantly, then ending it with Koth's arrival on a new plane. Chapter 1 begins with Tezzeret's departure (I've started it already) and ends after Tezzeret's report to Bolas (Tezz will be back later on, the way I have it planned). Chapter 2 will take us back to Phyrexia, to meet some more of the characters who were compleated (are you curious what happened to Kemba?). Then in Chapter 3 I'll circle back to Koth, who did in fact carry a drop of the oil through the Blind Eternities (The Artifact cycle implied that the oil can survive the blind eternities, IIRC).
Oh, and it's Kamigawa. Koth landed in Kamigawa.
I'm comfortable with that for several reasons:
1) They're not likely to go back there anytime soon; players didn't like it, story-wise it's weirdly timed (seriously, I'm still sort of unclear just how far in the past the Kamigawa story is, and I read the whole thing and the backstory on the Umezawa's history with Bolas), and frankly they seem to prefer to return to planes that were wildly popular or broken (I'm looking at you, Mirrodin).
2) Kamigawa seems so remote and pure, it's practically begging to be invaded.
3) I'm a sucker for Japanese culture, and any opportunity to write some Oni and Nezumi seems worth it. Plus, compleated Nezumi!
Also, if they do go back, whatever. This is just fan-fic. It's not like WotC cares what it contains or like there's a mass of people reading it (and even if there were, I doubt they'd mistake it for cannon).
Again, thank you for the feedback, more is coming soon. I hope that when all is said and done this is enjoyable for those who read it and/or see the cards.
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Koth rose to his feet unsteadily, looking around the mountainside on which he found himself. Though it pained him greatly, he had escaped by the only means he'd had at his disposal: planeswalking. He'd never 'walked like that before though. Usually a 'walk involved focus, concentration, and a destination. This had been like his spark reigniting; panic, fear, no destination, just a dire need to escape the fate which was bearing down upon him. Elspeth had already 'walked, he was sure of that. When the spellbomb had gone off, it had weakened the wall he'd erected. It only took the obliterators on the other side moments to carve through the thin layer of rock, and before the confrontation he'd noted that Elspeth was gone.
There had been no intention on his part to follow her. He needed to remain, to inspect the results of the spellbomb, and to eliminate any survivors. If he was lucky, all the praetors as well as Tezzeret would be dead. If he was unlucky, well, he was prepared to give up his life to ensure that they ended up that way. The first sign of trouble was the obliterators. In a one-on-one fight, he wasn't sure he could win against an obliterator. Every past confrontation he'd had with them had required assistance from Elspeth or from the mountains themselves. Seeing one lurching at him, the choice was obvious. Koth raised the floor below him into a column of stone, lifting himself out of the room and plugging the hole the spellbomb had made at the same time. Turning towards the throne, his optimism turned to cold horror. Seated upon it was Elesh Norn, with Jin-Gitaxias standing behind her left shoulder. Against the far wall slumped the massive figure of Vorinclex. His left massive, tooth-covered forearm was missing, and the jagged, bone-like plates around his head were broken off sharply near his neck. Koth was unsure if he was still alive. Tezzeret was nowhere to be seen. Unsurprising, he supposed. Tezzeret had struck him as too shrewd to stick around find out what intentions the new Father of Machines had for him. Or, as appeared to be the case, what the new Mother of Machines intended for him. That just left Koth, alone and clad in darksteel plate, to deal with the ascension. Reaching inside himself, he grasped for memories of the uncorrupted mountains, of the red sun at it's zenith, of rock and metal and fire. Mana flowed into him, and he shaped it into shards of rock and metal which he hurled at the new Mother of Machines and her apparent vizier. Though Gitaxias moved ever so slightly to the left, just a hair from his previous position at Norn's right side, it was the only indication either gave that they had even noticed his assault. Then the doors on either side of Elesh Norn, constructs of metal, flesh and porcelain (or bone, Koth couldn't be sure) so massive that Koth had failed to register them as doors at first, began to open. And for the first time since enacting the assassination plan, Koth felt uncertainty mixing with the sick feeling in his stomach.
From the door on Elesh Norn's right, a grinning monstrosity emerged. In spite of the warped, oversized jaw packed with razor-sharp teeth and the impossibly long talons on either hand, there was no mistaking Ezuri. Koth had never liked Ezuri, but they had fought together against the Phyrexians, and Ezuri had more than once appeared at a crucial moment to help rout the Phyrexians or to help evacuate survivors. Now spikes of metal jutted out from his back, had replaced his forearms, his hands, and everything from the waist down. A sickly green glow issued from his eyes, and from something implanted in his chest. Any vestige of the haughty former elf was gone, replaced by the handiwork of The Progress Engine. Seeing him this way was grotesque. From the other door strode another monstrosity. This one's right arm terminated at the wrist, and in place of a hand was a massive bone-porcelain blade on some kind of ball joint. The right fore arm had a row of porcelain shards which swept backward and appeared to be razor sharp. Both upper arms and shoulders were completely covered in the porcelain-bone material that Elesh Norn favored in her creations. The legs had been replaced by a second torso, perpendicular to the first, from which jutted 6 legs. Koth wasn't sure what creature it had come from originally, but it was bulbous and made of a black chitinous material, with shards of porcelain jutting out sharply near the joints and along the sides of the torso. The creature's head was covered in a bone-porcelain skullcap, but its face remained the same as it ever was. Looking back at Koth was the face of Jor Kadeen, once known as the Prevailer. Jor had been a friend, or as close to one as could be found in guerilla resistance groups spread across New Phyrexia. It had been months since any contact from Jor Kadeen or his guerilla cell had been received by anyone in the resistance. Now Koth knew why. As both former comrades began to close the distance between Koth and themselves, Koth's attention wandered back to Vorinclex. If the praetor was truly finished, it left only Jin-Gitaxias and Elesh Norn to kill. A leaderless Phyrexia would be a vulnerable Phyrexia. To accomplish that, Koth reminded himself, would be worth far more than just his life. He steeled himself, wracking his brain for spells which could be useful in clearing the champions from his path and killing the remaining praetors.
It was then that Ezuri made his move. Crossing the remainder of the hall impossibly fast, he lunged at Koth, seemingly intent on removing Koth's face. The galvanic blast which greeted him from Koth's fingertips was just a whisper of what it would once have been. It slowed Ezuri, dropping him briefly to the floor, but did not kill him. Koth had no time to consider a follow-up, for in that moment Jor Kadeen was upon him. The porcelain blade swung into Koth's midsection so fast that all he could see was its after-image. It clanged off of Koth's darksteel plate mail harmlessly, but Koth noted that the edge left behind a small line of glistening oil. As the mana of the mountains flowed through him, a hammer of magma and rock formed in Koth's hand. He swung it as hard as he could at Jor, only to see the hammer's head shorn off by Jor's blade. From his left, Koth heard a voice.
"Koth. Submit. There can be no victory for you here. Phyrexia is impressed with your fortitude. If you submit, you will be remade in the most glorious fashion. You will be a paladin for the Mother of Machines, the vanguard of her invasion forces.There is no other option. Those who do not submit will be consumed. Choose the glory of Phyrexia, Koth." The words were jarring. At first, Koth had filtered them out, focusing on avoiding Jor Kadeen's attacks and launching counter-attacks. But then he heard the words "invasion force", and his focus faltered. What could the Phyrexians possibly be planning to invade? They were trapped here on Phyrexia, without a means of traversing to other planes. Only Tezzeret had had that ability, and he had long since abandoned the plane for other pursuits. Hadn't he?
The kick came hard and fast. While parrying a blow from Jor Kadeen, Koth had been distracted by Ezuri's monologue. Before he could fully process it, Ezuri's foot crashed into his chest. The force of the blow sent Koth flying across the room and into the far wall. His head swam as he struggled to suck in the air which had been knocked out of him. Ezuri and Jor Kadeen crossed the distance in seconds, but to Koth's surprise they merely restrained his arms and legs. Then surprise melted into horror, as a new creature emerged from the right door behind Elesh Norn. Though nominally human in shape, the creature had undergone extensive alteration. At the end of each knee, half a dozen smaller legs erupted. Each appeared like a spider's leg, except for being longer than Koth's arm and constructed of the same black, chitinous material which composed Jor Kadeen's body and legs. The creature's upper legs were entirely wrapped in metal, as was the lower portion of the torso. The upper torso was covered in a chest plate of procelain, and each arm had been bifurcated at the elbow to allow a second arm to be added. And the horror was wearing Venser's face.
"You're dead," Koth croaked hoarsely. "I watched you give your life and your spark to Karn."
"You're only partially correct," responded the Venser-horror. Its lower jaw was bifurcated and had separated at the chin, opening to the right and left to reveal additional triangular teeth and a throat lined with the same triangular teeth.
"I was dead, you see," the horror continued,"and I did give up my spark. But this is Phyrexia, Koth. Death is not the end here. I'm sure I will die many more times in furtherance of the glory of Phyrexia. And they will revive me again, for one simple reason: I am opening the multiverse to the Mother of Machines. I am her favorite son. When Gitaxias found my body, he and the Mother of Machines rebuilt me. Imagine their surprise when they found confirmation of other worlds and a partially-finished schematic for a plane-traversing ship within my mind? The oil rebirthed many of the glories of Phyrexia, but not the planes-traversing ships. It was fate that I would be born amidst the fetid swamps that were Yawgmoth's final resting place. It was fate that I would create the ambulator, and begin my plans for a planeshifting ship shortly before you forced me to this plane. You may consider this my thanks. If not for you, my fate would have gone unfulfilled. I would still remain in Urborg, and that mad golem would still be seated on the throne, gibbering at his loyal subjects. Instead I gave him my old life, and my unneeded spark, and now I have been reborn in the glory of Phyrexia. The Mother of Machines and her Grand Architect have compleated me, and give me all I require to ensure the compleation of the ship so that the glory of Phyrexia may spread to new worlds. It is a great honor I have been given, but it is not so great as the honor that has been reserved for you. You are a master of killing, Koth. You have cut down so many Phyrexians that even we have lost count. Now you will kill for Phyrexia. The Grand Architect will rebuild you to the specifications of the Mother, and you will be her greatest champion: a knight of New Phyrexia, powerful beyond comprehension and utterly dedicated to spreading her glory to new planes. We hope that you will be able to retain your spark during compleation, but the Mother has graciously informed me that I will receive no punishment if you do not. After all, the spark will be less useful once the ships have been compleated." At this the Venser-horror paused, looking at both champions who restrained Koth. Though no words were spoken, Jor Kadeen's blade-arm lowered, the point aimed at the gap in the armor between Koth's torso and waist. Ezuri's left hand ceased joining his right in restraining Koth, and moved slowly towards Koth's throat. Once they gripped it firmly, Jor Kadeen lowered his sword-arm. "You've already seen the glorious compleation of your former comrades," Venser continued,"So you know that what I say is true. Will you submit, Koth? Or must we kill you in order for you to be reborn to glories of Phyrexia?" With that question, Ezuri's grip relaxed slightly.
"I will never submit," Koth croaked.
"Then we will simply kill you first, and then compleat you," Venser replied casually. "Ezuri, kill him for the Mother of Machines. Then bring the corpse and follow me to the Progress Engine. We have a laboratory ready for him." As soon as the words were spoken, the grip around Koth's neck tightened. Claws began to dig in to the back of his neck, and in that moment panic seized him. If he died here and now, it would be for nothing. Worse, it would allow Phyrexia's contagion to spread to countless worlds, and his face would be commanding the invasion forces. His head began to swim, but before darkness could claim him it happened. Every bit as violent as when his spark ignited, the 'walk flung him out of the throne room and across the Blind Eternities in the space of a moment. He reappeared on a mountainside, the air around him clear and crisp. He was well above the tree line on an unknown mountain on an unknown plane. There was no stink of Phyrexia, and without Ezuri's claws at his throat his head began to clear quickly in the cool air. Instinctively, he reached out to the mountain. It was uncorrupted and unknown to Koth, and it had been quite some time since he had tried to form a bond with such a place in order to access its mana. It was more difficult than he remembered, so he sat upon a large boulder to close his eyes and focus. He had just touched the molten essence of the mountain when he felt a rough poke at his ribs. Opening his eyes presented him with half a dozen spears pointed at him.
NOTES- As I said before, in this prologue, we begin the story of NPH where Uncharted Realms left off. I have tried to keep the story tied to the game, with references to actual cards where appropriate. I posit that the compleation of Ezuri occurs at the hands of The Progress Engine, making him loyal to/a product of Jin-Gitaxias (this is based off of information available now that Commander 2015 product has been released). I also take the opportunity to kill Vorinclex and put Jin-Gitaxias in the position of #2 in the Phyrexian hierarchy. Gitaxias is smart enough to know that Elesh Norn has toppled 2 other Praetors and certainly has the power to take over his territory as well. To prevent this, I assumed he would naturally place himself in a subservient (and likely subversive) position as advisor. I admit that Koth is immune to the contagion, and this fact is somewhat glossed over. However, we all know the Phyrexians to be tenacious and obsessed with solving the riddle of Melira's inoculation. As it has been strongly implied that the Phyrexians have her in their grasp, it isn't terribly unreasonable (IMHO) to make the logical leap that they have solved or are close to solving the problem of immunity to the contagion. In imagining characters, I tried to imagine what their card would look like. Noting that Ezuri was 2 color, I tried imagining a New Phyrexia where multicolor magic was increasing. Norn conquered Red and Black territories already, obviously. Hence it seemed reasonable that in compleating Jor Kadeen, that the nuisances of individuality and passion would be removed with his connection to red mana, and that his phyrexianized version would be Black/White. His lower half description is a nod to Sheoldred. Venser I reimagined as an Esper colored creature due to having been a U/W planeswalker who was then revived and phyrexianized (having lost his spark, he's a creature). And of course both Elesh Norn and Jin-Gitaxias have been changed by their power. The cards I imagine are:
[Ezuri, Claw of Progress]{UG}
Jor Kadeen, the Corrupted {BW}
Jin-Gitaxias, Grand Architect {UW}
Elesh Norn, Mother of Machines {WUBRG}
Venser Compleated {WUB}
The story will of course involve other characters, and I'll update here as it progresses. I haven't fully nailed down where Koth landed, but I'm 80/20 for Kamigawa/Vryn. Of course, I might have to use an unknown plane. If you read closely, you know why. If you didn't, go back and read again. Did you catch it? No? Then re-read it one more time, and remember this: it only took one drop of oil hitchhiking on Karn to begin the infection of Mirrodin. Ah darn, I gave it away.
I enjoyed this opening.
You various mention Koth expecting Tezzeret and also assuming Tezzeret has left. Perhaps make Koth's expectation or understanding of Tezzeret more consistent.
From a storytelling perspective--or at least my perspective as a reader--I would suggest you remove the frame of your story. Jump right in with Koth escaping the obliterator and end it with the planeswalk. Had your flashback been shorter, I think the frame would work. As you have it now, I don't think the opening few lines occurring on another plane add anything. We can see Elspeth disappear in real time, and experience Koth's horror at the compleated resistance as well as his rush to 'walk away.
As far as Koth's new location, you could always create a new plane. Or never give it a name. If you want him to contaminate a plane, a new one may be best. Of course, would post-Mending 'walkers be able to carry glistening oil on them through the Blind Eternities? Karn's heartstone was leaking the oil, too, which made his voyages more damning. Returning to Koth, if he is to stay on a new plane, you can find a place that would either contrast or compliment Phyrexia--does the plane have a penchant for artifacts (like Kaladesh) or more nature-based? Do we get an oppressive empire (like Phyrexia) or something more democratic? This may help get Koth refocused, inspired, or enraged.
If you haven't checked out my Mirrodin fiction, I'd love some reactions or feedback. I had some of my own impulses on where the story could go after Quest for Karn--although if you're producing in this area, I have some ideas for a post-Origins story on Gideon to bring him from Bant to the Order of Heliud.
Keep writing!
Oh, and it's Kamigawa. Koth landed in Kamigawa.
I'm comfortable with that for several reasons:
1) They're not likely to go back there anytime soon; players didn't like it, story-wise it's weirdly timed (seriously, I'm still sort of unclear just how far in the past the Kamigawa story is, and I read the whole thing and the backstory on the Umezawa's history with Bolas), and frankly they seem to prefer to return to planes that were wildly popular or broken (I'm looking at you, Mirrodin).
2) Kamigawa seems so remote and pure, it's practically begging to be invaded.
3) I'm a sucker for Japanese culture, and any opportunity to write some Oni and Nezumi seems worth it. Plus, compleated Nezumi!
Also, if they do go back, whatever. This is just fan-fic. It's not like WotC cares what it contains or like there's a mass of people reading it (and even if there were, I doubt they'd mistake it for cannon).
Again, thank you for the feedback, more is coming soon. I hope that when all is said and done this is enjoyable for those who read it and/or see the cards.