This one was at the same time great and very difficult to write. Goblins are probably the funniest creatures in magic, and trying to capture that while also telling a story is pretty challenging. That said, I based my story upon the flavor text of one magic card, a classic of the old times. You can try to guess what card is it (piece of cake) and I will let the card in spoiler mode at the end of this story. Without further ado, let's get to it.
Royal Succession
Alrok sat in the rock throne, looking at his advisors.
“My king” said one of them, “we are out of coal. We need coal to warm the warrens at night or we will all freeze to death”.
Alrok looked around. No one was saying anything. He waited a little bit more. Everyone was staring at him, and that was when he realized they were the ones waiting for him to say something. Alrok was an idiot, of course. However, among goblins, that was pretty good. Idiots definitely are high in the Goblin Intelligence Scale, right above ‘complete dumb-ass’ and full two-levels over ‘might as well be a door’.
The Goblin King flapped his green ears and cleared his throat, then choked on his own spit as a consequence until finally recovering to say something. “Coal is rock that burns, we have plenty of rock, burn it”. There. Brilliant. He didn’t even know why the King needed advisors.
“It doesn’t work like that” said one of the advisors, slowly, as if unsure of himself. “I think” added the advisor to good measure. “Why not?” asked Alrok, hoping it wasn’t his time to answer things again. It would be hard to answer a question he had asked because he didn’t know the answer.
“Coal is special kind of rock” answered another of the advisors, maybe one of the smartest ones. He would fare at ‘slow’ in the Goblin Intelligence Scale. “Coal burns better”. The Goblin King scratched his head at that declaration, thinking that all rock was the same to him and that being King is hard and that he was hungry. That was when another goblin stepped in.
“We need coal, we capture coal monster, we get warm and happy”. That one was Loll, one of the newest advisors. Since Alrok didn’t have a better suggestion, he grunted in agreement, but first it occurred to him that Loll’s plan might have a crucial problem, and he couldn’t help but show his intelligence pointing out that problem in his following question: “How?”
Loll smiled.
Coal monsters were the coal golems, elemental manifestations of fierce mana concentrated in a place for too long. The goblins lived in mountaintops very close to active volcanos, where they spotted coal golems all the time. They didn’t know how to catch its attention though. Loll had a suggestion for that: “King is important, talk to the golem, bring it to us, we surprise it and attack it”. The plan worked, up to a point. Alrok wasn’t very convinced of the plan, but he went there and started to talk to the golems, giving them orders as a King should do. The golems didn’t notice him at first, but after a while they seemed to feel uncomfortable next to the small creature’s presence and moved towards him at impressive speed. Alrok saw that and forgot about his display of royalty. He just started running in the other direction, but tripped along the way and fell into an opening that led to the volcano’s maw. Poor Alrok.
Nevertheless, the golems got close enough to the goblins’ trap, involving throwing big rocks from high cliffs at them. With goblins, few problems can’t be solved by throwing rocks at things. In fact, if that doesn’t work it probably means the rocks you’re throwing aren’t big enough. Surprisingly or not, many golems fell to the rocks, and certainly many more goblins. They would lose balance when pushing the boulders down the cliff turning their war cries in ‘AIIEEE’ cries.
Goblin Shamans still dispute what Alrok could have done to make the golems uncomfortable. Maybe he offended the creatures with his imperative tone, maybe they didn’t like the color green, or maybe Alrok caught the golems on a bad day. The most likely reason, the elder Shamans agreed, was that Alrok just smelled really bad and the golems couldn’t take it anymore.
From that day forward, Loll was the new king. Yes, that is how it worked. If you are responsible for the previous King’s death you will become the new King. Loll considered himself a very capable King. He developed the system of riding bettles and created the honorable position of Ammunition Holder for all those goblins that attempted to murder him.
Time went by, and there was the need for a diplomatic meeting between Loll’s tribe and another goblin tribe. Unfortunately, goblins do not understand very well the concept of ‘diplomacy’, and they think of it as a fancy word that meant ‘talking before the smashing’. So, right after the meeting, there was war.
Goblin wars are not pretty things to see. There is a lot of blood spilled, bones fractured and limbs flying around. Different from other types of wars, goblin armies do not follow any organized position, and once they clashed on the battlefield the goblins don’t have a way to differentiate friend or foe, so they just attack everyone around. In the end the tribe who had more goblins left would win the war, but winning the war was not the point. The point was sending a message. The message? Goblins are still figuring it out.
In that war Loll was killed by Viddle, a goblin warrior that liked the shiny crown worn by the King, and therefore attacked him. Killing to steal something that another goblin possessed was one of the best reasons to kill among goblins. Even more so if the thing was shiny, then it would almost become an obligation. That day Viddle crowned himself as the new King.
Viddle quickly realized being a King had upsides besides wearing the shiny crown, even though much less significant ones. He had other goblins to follow his orders, and for a while that made him feel important, which in turn made him paranoid. He hired a Shaman, named Unkful, to make a special concoction that would make him invisible, so he would not be killed by any other goblin.
Little did Viddle know that Unkful wasn’t a very skilled Shaman, even for goblin standards, but he tried to put some effort in the potion. First he went to ask an elder Shaman what did ‘invisible’ mean, and the Shaman said it was everything that couldn’t be seen, such as the spider silk that always gets trapped in your eyes or that little pointy rock that you step on when walking in the warren.
Unkful understood, and after a while went right back after Viddle.
“Do you have my potion?” Asked the King, thinking that he would kill Unkful after taking the potion. He wanted only him to be invisible, and was afraid that if others took the potion they would be able to see him. After all, if a visible can see a visible, an invisible can see an invisible. “I do, but it has to be taken in two gulps” answered Unkful, retrieving a flask from a belt around his waist and giving it to the King, who immediately drunk everything. After that, he gave the King another flask to drink, and he drunk the whole thing as well.
“Is that it?” Asked the King, already reaching for his slab hammer, when he noticed Unkful running for pretty far away. Suddenly, his belly felt funny.
If there is one thing that goblins know almost as well as rocks, it is explosions. Even a limited Shaman such as Unkful knew what two liquids to mix to make a good, booming, explosion. Sure, he didn’t know how much liquid he would have to use or how far he would have to run to escape, so he went with ‘a lot of liquid’ and ‘as far as I can’. Then Viddle exploded in very tiny little bits. Unkful couldn’t see him anymore, and he bet no one else could. Success.
Unkful was the new King after that, a title that he took with some confusion, until it was explained to him that tiny little bits of goblin couldn’t reign over a tribe. So be it then. Not knowing exactly what a King was suppose to do, as most Goblin Kings don’t, Unkful kept experimenting with his potions until he developed something that he called ‘Hellion Repellent’. You see, one of the many reasons goblins died, and trust me, there are many, is due to accidental incursions into caves that are actually Hellion tunneling grounds.
To test his new invention, Unkful took his assistant, Blog, into a trip with him to a tunneling system full of Hellions. There they would both spend the night in one of the many caves, covered in the Hellion Repellent, that Unkful promised would revolutionize goblin survivability rates, which at that point were as low as their fertility rates were high. The plan was to pass a whole night without being eaten or smashed by Hellions, proving the efficacy of the repellent.
To everyone’s disbelief, the repellent seemed to be actually working. Night fell without Unkful or his assistant Blog, both covered in the stinky stuff, being eaten or even smashed. Blog started to feel cold though, and thought of lightning a fire to warm himself up. He grabbed two rocks (which for goblins were not only weapons, but also tools for most of their jobs) and started smashing them onto each other.
Unkful started to think it was not such a good idea to do that, but he wasn’t sure as to why. A sudden realization struck the King when a spark from the rocks accidentally reached his skin, immediately bursting it into flames due to the highly flammable nature of the Hellion Repellent. Blog, equally shocked, run the other way while his mentor screamed things between “AHH, IT BURNS!” and “AHH, BUT IT WORKS!”
When Blog reached his tribe and explained his story, he was crowned the new King. Blog was a simple goblin though, and he had few aspirations in life: he wanted to eat bugs, have a few kids (maybe twenty or twenty-two) and stay as far as possible from Hellion Repellent. To that end, Kingship was troublesome, since Kings were slayed all the time and being dead would certainly make his life plans harder to achieve.
Possibly in the brightest showing of this whole story, Blog devised a plan. He didn’t want to be King, but also didn’t want to die, so he would organize a sled competition and the first place would receive the title of King. The other goblins didn’t know if that was allowed, but they didn’t know if it was disallowed either, and everyone liked sleds, so they rolled with it.
On the fatidic day of the competition, Blog announced right before the competition began “this will work, and I will help if I have to”. Not a goblin of many words was Blog, but that declaration would be his undoing. You see, goblins aren’t good with many things, and if you make a list, punctuality would probably be the best thing in which the goblins are the worst. Since the competition was open to everyone until someone crossed the finish line, many goblins arrived afterwards and took a sled, even though they probably didn’t have any chances anymore. The last goblin to arrive was Numsgil, but there weren’t any more sleds for him.
Blog wouldn’t back down on his word though, so in the most stupid showing in this story, he declared “I will be your sled”.
It goes without saying Numsgil didn’t win the competition, but neither did Blog survive it. The sliding properties of the common goblin are still no match for the common sled, sadly. But since Numsgil was responsible for Blog’s death before someone else crossed the finished line, Numsgil was elected King. Since he was the King, he said that the competition was invalid to determine a new King. The goblins didn’t know if that was allowed, but they didn’t know if it was disallowed either. In the end, they let it be.
Needless to say, Numsgil wouldn’t be King for very long.
Would you like to read Commander stories? Check my latest stories, coming from Lorwyn and Innistrad: Ghoulcaller Gisa and Doran, The Siege Tower! If you like my writing, ask me to write something for your commander as well!
- For dialogue, be sure to add a comma within the quotation marks before adding a dialogue tag: Ex: "My King," said one of them,...
- The magical explanation of golems/elementals in this story is unnecessary; they're goblins and we don't need the mechanics of things.
- I know you are aiming for a casual tone, but the line "Yes, that is how it worked" felt too casual for me (same with "trust me" and "this whole story" later on).
- I was hoping that Unkful would accidentally poison Viddle, though the explosion was enjoyable!
Overall, this was a broad project, with so many goblin deaths and successions to cover.
Although, as I read, I had a suggestion if you ever felt up for a rewrite. Have you ever read or seen David Ives's ten-minute (or so) play "Variations on the Death of Trotsky"? In it, Trotsky dies in various vignettes. I wonder if we could do something similar here.
You'd establish some scene--a Goblin King on his throne, wearing a crown, surrounded by other goblins--and a conflict of some kind. Then, repeat the same scene with a very similar conflict each time and have the Goblin King die differently in each (some could be longer than others). Some phrases and sentences could be identical, but the king's name would change in each scene. This may add the humor we'd want in a goblin story without having to rely fully on tone--the structure would provide the humor.
Thoughts?
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Dominian Scholar of the Old Guard, specializing in pre-revisionist (Armada comics) and revisionist (Brothers' War through Apocalypse)history
- Hum, you mean that I should add the comma inside the quotation mark instead of outside?
- Yeah, in hindsight I suppose I could have skipped the explanation for the golems, but it was just a part of a line of text, so I'm not that sad about it.
- Thanks for saying that, it will help me in future casual-like stories. It is hard to strike the correct amount of "casualness", hehe.
- Heh, thanks!
Yeah, in the end of the story it was hard to not get too repetitive to be honest. I loved your idea actually! It seems really cool establishing one scene and then tweaking it to make new deaths. It seems like a great idea for a story, maybe I can draft something about it later (I have a project in my mind first, but stil haven't found the time to work on it). I think it would actually look better than this current story as it is, if done properly. Thank you for the feedback!
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I would not imagine myself to be a "funny" writer, and so my remarks regarding casualness come just as a reader. The line here is hard for me to ascertain.
If you work on an alternate version of this, I'd love to read it with slightly altered scenes.
As far as commas, here is some quick dialogue I whipped up as examples:
"Can we go any further?" he asked.
"I'm not sure," she replied, "but I'd rather not."
"We should go."
"Then lead the way," she acquiesced.
Also, I know it's lengthy, but I'd love your response to my Mirrodin work. I have plans for a post-Quest of Karn piece, but I may work on a story focusing on Gideon's time in Bant and his leap to joining the Order of Heliud instead.
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Dominian Scholar of the Old Guard, specializing in pre-revisionist (Armada comics) and revisionist (Brothers' War through Apocalypse)history
I was travelling and just got back home, I will read your work first, and then the also the works of others here as well. I will give you feedback at the end of this week at most!
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I felt on this by chance, and you got me a few smiles. Funny story written in a fluid and catchy style, well done
Thank you Avatar! Your feedback is appreciated
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I like this piece. It's funny and captures the idiocy of goblins pretty well. All in all, I think that your writing is sound and your style is good. A story like this is supposed to be a short story anyways, so good job. Zazdor does a good job of getting the grammar pieces, but other than that it looks good. I'll be reading your Innistrad piece later.
I like this piece. It's funny and captures the idiocy of goblins pretty well. All in all, I think that your writing is sound and your style is good. A story like this is supposed to be a short story anyways, so good job. Zazdor does a good job of getting the grammar pieces, but other than that it looks good. I'll be reading your Innistrad piece later.
Thank you for your feedback, I appreciate it. It is hard to write funny stories heh, at least I think it is harder than serious ones, because you have to find the right balance between 'stuffing a bunch of jokes' and 'telling a normal story'. I hope you like the Innistrad one as well, cheers.
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Funny story, i like it! Will you write other stories in future?
Hey, thanks for appreciating it =D
I wrote two other stories, you can see them in my signature! But so far this is the only one in comic vein, I may do other comics stories in the future.
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What a funny read. I've sometimes wondered with my best friend the whole backstory of Goblin King. Thanks for sharing that info. The links to the cards provided an experience I've always wanted from official stories. Images that break the text flow work well but the text should also use card links to make funny and interesting references to the world. I don't have that much to complain. I don't like the use of curse words unless they really fit the scene and I don't think "complete dumb-ass" was the correct choice of words for that particular instance. Also the word "fatidic" was really alien to me. Never heard of it. Is the correct translation fateful? If it is why not use it?
Hey man! Thanks! People really enjoyed the goblin story, haha, I think it is great, it makes me want to do other funny ones in the future. Yeah, linking the cards in this instance was easier for me because I did play a lot with goblins and I like their flavor, so it was easier to remember stuff from the top of my head. "Complete dumbass" might have been a poor choice, you're right, but nothing else came to mind, so I rolled with that. "Fatidic" does exist, and it is pretty similar to "fateful", yes. You might be right in the fact that I don't know how common it is english, so it may sound weird.
Anyway, thanks a lot for your feedback! If you like this one, give it a chance to the other ones
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Alrok sat in the rock throne, looking at his advisors.
“My king” said one of them, “we are out of coal. We need coal to warm the warrens at night or we will all freeze to death”.
Alrok looked around. No one was saying anything. He waited a little bit more. Everyone was staring at him, and that was when he realized they were the ones waiting for him to say something. Alrok was an idiot, of course. However, among goblins, that was pretty good. Idiots definitely are high in the Goblin Intelligence Scale, right above ‘complete dumb-ass’ and full two-levels over ‘might as well be a door’.
The Goblin King flapped his green ears and cleared his throat, then choked on his own spit as a consequence until finally recovering to say something. “Coal is rock that burns, we have plenty of rock, burn it”. There. Brilliant. He didn’t even know why the King needed advisors.
“It doesn’t work like that” said one of the advisors, slowly, as if unsure of himself. “I think” added the advisor to good measure. “Why not?” asked Alrok, hoping it wasn’t his time to answer things again. It would be hard to answer a question he had asked because he didn’t know the answer.
“Coal is special kind of rock” answered another of the advisors, maybe one of the smartest ones. He would fare at ‘slow’ in the Goblin Intelligence Scale. “Coal burns better”. The Goblin King scratched his head at that declaration, thinking that all rock was the same to him and that being King is hard and that he was hungry. That was when another goblin stepped in.
“We need coal, we capture coal monster, we get warm and happy”. That one was Loll, one of the newest advisors. Since Alrok didn’t have a better suggestion, he grunted in agreement, but first it occurred to him that Loll’s plan might have a crucial problem, and he couldn’t help but show his intelligence pointing out that problem in his following question: “How?”
Loll smiled.
Coal monsters were the coal golems, elemental manifestations of fierce mana concentrated in a place for too long. The goblins lived in mountaintops very close to active volcanos, where they spotted coal golems all the time. They didn’t know how to catch its attention though. Loll had a suggestion for that: “King is important, talk to the golem, bring it to us, we surprise it and attack it”. The plan worked, up to a point. Alrok wasn’t very convinced of the plan, but he went there and started to talk to the golems, giving them orders as a King should do. The golems didn’t notice him at first, but after a while they seemed to feel uncomfortable next to the small creature’s presence and moved towards him at impressive speed. Alrok saw that and forgot about his display of royalty. He just started running in the other direction, but tripped along the way and fell into an opening that led to the volcano’s maw. Poor Alrok.
Nevertheless, the golems got close enough to the goblins’ trap, involving throwing big rocks from high cliffs at them. With goblins, few problems can’t be solved by throwing rocks at things. In fact, if that doesn’t work it probably means the rocks you’re throwing aren’t big enough. Surprisingly or not, many golems fell to the rocks, and certainly many more goblins. They would lose balance when pushing the boulders down the cliff turning their war cries in ‘AIIEEE’ cries.
Goblin Shamans still dispute what Alrok could have done to make the golems uncomfortable. Maybe he offended the creatures with his imperative tone, maybe they didn’t like the color green, or maybe Alrok caught the golems on a bad day. The most likely reason, the elder Shamans agreed, was that Alrok just smelled really bad and the golems couldn’t take it anymore.
From that day forward, Loll was the new king. Yes, that is how it worked. If you are responsible for the previous King’s death you will become the new King. Loll considered himself a very capable King. He developed the system of riding bettles and created the honorable position of Ammunition Holder for all those goblins that attempted to murder him.
Time went by, and there was the need for a diplomatic meeting between Loll’s tribe and another goblin tribe. Unfortunately, goblins do not understand very well the concept of ‘diplomacy’, and they think of it as a fancy word that meant ‘talking before the smashing’. So, right after the meeting, there was war.
Goblin wars are not pretty things to see. There is a lot of blood spilled, bones fractured and limbs flying around. Different from other types of wars, goblin armies do not follow any organized position, and once they clashed on the battlefield the goblins don’t have a way to differentiate friend or foe, so they just attack everyone around. In the end the tribe who had more goblins left would win the war, but winning the war was not the point. The point was sending a message. The message? Goblins are still figuring it out.
In that war Loll was killed by Viddle, a goblin warrior that liked the shiny crown worn by the King, and therefore attacked him. Killing to steal something that another goblin possessed was one of the best reasons to kill among goblins. Even more so if the thing was shiny, then it would almost become an obligation. That day Viddle crowned himself as the new King.
Viddle quickly realized being a King had upsides besides wearing the shiny crown, even though much less significant ones. He had other goblins to follow his orders, and for a while that made him feel important, which in turn made him paranoid. He hired a Shaman, named Unkful, to make a special concoction that would make him invisible, so he would not be killed by any other goblin.
Little did Viddle know that Unkful wasn’t a very skilled Shaman, even for goblin standards, but he tried to put some effort in the potion. First he went to ask an elder Shaman what did ‘invisible’ mean, and the Shaman said it was everything that couldn’t be seen, such as the spider silk that always gets trapped in your eyes or that little pointy rock that you step on when walking in the warren.
Unkful understood, and after a while went right back after Viddle.
“Do you have my potion?” Asked the King, thinking that he would kill Unkful after taking the potion. He wanted only him to be invisible, and was afraid that if others took the potion they would be able to see him. After all, if a visible can see a visible, an invisible can see an invisible. “I do, but it has to be taken in two gulps” answered Unkful, retrieving a flask from a belt around his waist and giving it to the King, who immediately drunk everything. After that, he gave the King another flask to drink, and he drunk the whole thing as well.
“Is that it?” Asked the King, already reaching for his slab hammer, when he noticed Unkful running for pretty far away. Suddenly, his belly felt funny.
If there is one thing that goblins know almost as well as rocks, it is explosions. Even a limited Shaman such as Unkful knew what two liquids to mix to make a good, booming, explosion. Sure, he didn’t know how much liquid he would have to use or how far he would have to run to escape, so he went with ‘a lot of liquid’ and ‘as far as I can’. Then Viddle exploded in very tiny little bits. Unkful couldn’t see him anymore, and he bet no one else could. Success.
Unkful was the new King after that, a title that he took with some confusion, until it was explained to him that tiny little bits of goblin couldn’t reign over a tribe. So be it then. Not knowing exactly what a King was suppose to do, as most Goblin Kings don’t, Unkful kept experimenting with his potions until he developed something that he called ‘Hellion Repellent’. You see, one of the many reasons goblins died, and trust me, there are many, is due to accidental incursions into caves that are actually Hellion tunneling grounds.
To test his new invention, Unkful took his assistant, Blog, into a trip with him to a tunneling system full of Hellions. There they would both spend the night in one of the many caves, covered in the Hellion Repellent, that Unkful promised would revolutionize goblin survivability rates, which at that point were as low as their fertility rates were high. The plan was to pass a whole night without being eaten or smashed by Hellions, proving the efficacy of the repellent.
To everyone’s disbelief, the repellent seemed to be actually working. Night fell without Unkful or his assistant Blog, both covered in the stinky stuff, being eaten or even smashed. Blog started to feel cold though, and thought of lightning a fire to warm himself up. He grabbed two rocks (which for goblins were not only weapons, but also tools for most of their jobs) and started smashing them onto each other.
Unkful started to think it was not such a good idea to do that, but he wasn’t sure as to why. A sudden realization struck the King when a spark from the rocks accidentally reached his skin, immediately bursting it into flames due to the highly flammable nature of the Hellion Repellent. Blog, equally shocked, run the other way while his mentor screamed things between “AHH, IT BURNS!” and “AHH, BUT IT WORKS!”
When Blog reached his tribe and explained his story, he was crowned the new King. Blog was a simple goblin though, and he had few aspirations in life: he wanted to eat bugs, have a few kids (maybe twenty or twenty-two) and stay as far as possible from Hellion Repellent. To that end, Kingship was troublesome, since Kings were slayed all the time and being dead would certainly make his life plans harder to achieve.
Possibly in the brightest showing of this whole story, Blog devised a plan. He didn’t want to be King, but also didn’t want to die, so he would organize a sled competition and the first place would receive the title of King. The other goblins didn’t know if that was allowed, but they didn’t know if it was disallowed either, and everyone liked sleds, so they rolled with it.
On the fatidic day of the competition, Blog announced right before the competition began “this will work, and I will help if I have to”. Not a goblin of many words was Blog, but that declaration would be his undoing. You see, goblins aren’t good with many things, and if you make a list, punctuality would probably be the best thing in which the goblins are the worst. Since the competition was open to everyone until someone crossed the finish line, many goblins arrived afterwards and took a sled, even though they probably didn’t have any chances anymore. The last goblin to arrive was Numsgil, but there weren’t any more sleds for him.
Blog wouldn’t back down on his word though, so in the most stupid showing in this story, he declared “I will be your sled”.
It goes without saying Numsgil didn’t win the competition, but neither did Blog survive it. The sliding properties of the common goblin are still no match for the common sled, sadly. But since Numsgil was responsible for Blog’s death before someone else crossed the finished line, Numsgil was elected King. Since he was the King, he said that the competition was invalid to determine a new King. The goblins didn’t know if that was allowed, but they didn’t know if it was disallowed either. In the end, they let it be.
Needless to say, Numsgil wouldn’t be King for very long.
Check out the card that made this story possible:
Read my other stories as well (some ongoing):
Reaper King (a horror story), Kaalia of the Vast (an origin story), Sequels for Innistrad (Alternative sequels for Inn), Grey Areas (Odric's fanfic), Royal Succession (goblins),The Tracker's Message (eldrazi on Innistrad) and Ugin and his Eye (the end of OGW).
Various notes as I read:
- For dialogue, be sure to add a comma within the quotation marks before adding a dialogue tag: Ex: "My King," said one of them,...
- The magical explanation of golems/elementals in this story is unnecessary; they're goblins and we don't need the mechanics of things.
- I know you are aiming for a casual tone, but the line "Yes, that is how it worked" felt too casual for me (same with "trust me" and "this whole story" later on).
- I was hoping that Unkful would accidentally poison Viddle, though the explosion was enjoyable!
Overall, this was a broad project, with so many goblin deaths and successions to cover.
Although, as I read, I had a suggestion if you ever felt up for a rewrite. Have you ever read or seen David Ives's ten-minute (or so) play "Variations on the Death of Trotsky"? In it, Trotsky dies in various vignettes. I wonder if we could do something similar here.
You'd establish some scene--a Goblin King on his throne, wearing a crown, surrounded by other goblins--and a conflict of some kind. Then, repeat the same scene with a very similar conflict each time and have the Goblin King die differently in each (some could be longer than others). Some phrases and sentences could be identical, but the king's name would change in each scene. This may add the humor we'd want in a goblin story without having to rely fully on tone--the structure would provide the humor.
Thoughts?
- Hum, you mean that I should add the comma inside the quotation mark instead of outside?
- Yeah, in hindsight I suppose I could have skipped the explanation for the golems, but it was just a part of a line of text, so I'm not that sad about it.
- Thanks for saying that, it will help me in future casual-like stories. It is hard to strike the correct amount of "casualness", hehe.
- Heh, thanks!
Yeah, in the end of the story it was hard to not get too repetitive to be honest. I loved your idea actually! It seems really cool establishing one scene and then tweaking it to make new deaths. It seems like a great idea for a story, maybe I can draft something about it later (I have a project in my mind first, but stil haven't found the time to work on it). I think it would actually look better than this current story as it is, if done properly. Thank you for the feedback!
Read my other stories as well (some ongoing):
Reaper King (a horror story), Kaalia of the Vast (an origin story), Sequels for Innistrad (Alternative sequels for Inn), Grey Areas (Odric's fanfic), Royal Succession (goblins),The Tracker's Message (eldrazi on Innistrad) and Ugin and his Eye (the end of OGW).
If you work on an alternate version of this, I'd love to read it with slightly altered scenes.
As far as commas, here is some quick dialogue I whipped up as examples:
Also, I know it's lengthy, but I'd love your response to my Mirrodin work. I have plans for a post-Quest of Karn piece, but I may work on a story focusing on Gideon's time in Bant and his leap to joining the Order of Heliud instead.
I plan on reading it soon!
I was travelling and just got back home, I will read your work first, and then the also the works of others here as well. I will give you feedback at the end of this week at most!
Read my other stories as well (some ongoing):
Reaper King (a horror story), Kaalia of the Vast (an origin story), Sequels for Innistrad (Alternative sequels for Inn), Grey Areas (Odric's fanfic), Royal Succession (goblins),The Tracker's Message (eldrazi on Innistrad) and Ugin and his Eye (the end of OGW).
Thank you Avatar! Your feedback is appreciated
Read my other stories as well (some ongoing):
Reaper King (a horror story), Kaalia of the Vast (an origin story), Sequels for Innistrad (Alternative sequels for Inn), Grey Areas (Odric's fanfic), Royal Succession (goblins),The Tracker's Message (eldrazi on Innistrad) and Ugin and his Eye (the end of OGW).
UB Dralnu, Lich Lord
RBW [Primer]-Kaalia of the Vast
BUG [Primer]-Tasigur, the Golden Fang
GWU [Primer]-Arcades, the Strategist
WUB Primer-Aminatou, the Fateshifter
UBR Nicol Bolas, the Ravager
Read my other stories as well (some ongoing):
Reaper King (a horror story), Kaalia of the Vast (an origin story), Sequels for Innistrad (Alternative sequels for Inn), Grey Areas (Odric's fanfic), Royal Succession (goblins),The Tracker's Message (eldrazi on Innistrad) and Ugin and his Eye (the end of OGW).
Hey, thanks for appreciating it =D
I wrote two other stories, you can see them in my signature! But so far this is the only one in comic vein, I may do other comics stories in the future.
Read my other stories as well (some ongoing):
Reaper King (a horror story), Kaalia of the Vast (an origin story), Sequels for Innistrad (Alternative sequels for Inn), Grey Areas (Odric's fanfic), Royal Succession (goblins),The Tracker's Message (eldrazi on Innistrad) and Ugin and his Eye (the end of OGW).
Anyway, thanks a lot for your feedback! If you like this one, give it a chance to the other ones
Read my other stories as well (some ongoing):
Reaper King (a horror story), Kaalia of the Vast (an origin story), Sequels for Innistrad (Alternative sequels for Inn), Grey Areas (Odric's fanfic), Royal Succession (goblins),The Tracker's Message (eldrazi on Innistrad) and Ugin and his Eye (the end of OGW).