MTG Salvation

Hello! I wrote this story in case of the possibility of a connection between Innistrad and the cosmic-inspired horrors that are the Eldrazi. I don't know if most people want or not this to happen, but I felt like writing it and sharing it with you folks. The idea is for this to be an introduction to the new upcoming block of Shadows Over Innistrad, and this would be the first Uncharted Realms story from the block.

Disclaimer: I will say that my knowledge of Innistrad lore is pretty limited and most of the information that I gathered from there was from the wiki page. Also, english is not my mother tongue, sorry if something sounds too odd.

The Tracker's Message

Somberwald. A forsaken place where death by chilling cold would be the most merciful thing that could happen to you. The woods here are dark and shadowy, a fitting place to hide both prey and predator. That night I could only hope to be the latter.

I had come this far to make a name of myself. Kessig was riddled with hunters, traps, wolves and their beastly counterparts, even after the angel came back. No game can be found there, no quarry can be slaughtered to be exposed as a trophy afterwards. It was a place of no glory and no rewards, a place where a tracker like me would never found his true prize.

But here, in the dark woods of Somberwald, reign of vampires and dryads, of monsters and legends, here I could find what I’ve been looking for. The Silver Stag.

I had heard the stories of a creature with a hide so bright that it would glimmer in the shimmering moonlight, reflecting the ever-changing pattern of its light. Its antlers were made of a white so pure that just by looking at it you would be invaded by a feeling of sacredness, humility and plenitude.

This is what I had travelled so far to kill.

The Stag hoofprints are told to be untraceable, and the only few times anyone got a glimpe of the mystical creature was during the coldest moment of the coldest night, when snow covered the ground in heavy layers, and the freezing air would bite your lungs with its deep fangs. I didn’t know if that night was the coldest one, but it sure would get into the contest.

I was covered in fur, with a scarf wrapped around my mouth and neck, breathing heavily as I forced myself to walk in the snow-covered landscape. The moon was hidden behind the thickest clouds and a hailstorm was a looming menace. I had seen the tracks of enormous grizzly bears, packs of wolves and graceful elks, but I had yet to find anything that could lead me to my hunt. I had yet to find a single trace of the Silver Stag.

I walked amongst maple and oak, hickory and birch, hearing every rustle of leaves and every crackling of branches. I knew I wasn’t alone in the darkness, I knew of the monsters roaming in the night, and still I pressed forward, because glory is even more sweeter if obtained despite the threat of crushing failure. Despite the threat of imminent death.

I know what you are thinking.

You think of me being as much of a monster as the cursed werewolves or bloodthirsty vampires. You think that because I set myself to kill something innocent and sacred. Something that was a symbol of beauty and, in these troubling times, a symbol of hope. You are wrong. I was a preserver of beauty, a worshipper of it. I knew that if no one found the Stag he would die in a forgotten place of these dark woods and his rotting corpse would feed the vermin of the earth. If I found it and killed it I could preserve that beauty for all people to see. I could preserve the hope.

Much I walked that night, taking care to cover my own tracks as best as possible lest I became the hunted, instead of the hunter. Much too I heard and much I saw, because the forest was alive around me, from the distant howling of wolves to the sight of the creeping giant spiders that set their own traps with woven silk. I was afraid, I second guessed myself and I shivered under the cold and the weight of my fears.

But it all paid out.

When the darkness was so thick that I felt I could reach it and grasp it just by extending my hand, one lonely cloud moved away in the sky, and the faint light of the moon found its path between the maze of leaves and shadows. That ray of moonlight illuminated a patch of land that was previously hidden, and there I found my prize. I had found the Silver Stag, but it wasn’t what I expected to be.

At first I could only distinguish the blood. The snow was painted crimson where the moon illuminated the ground, and the closer I got to that place, the clearer the picture became. The Stag was fixated in a tree, its carcass split open with the bowels hanging from its interiors. The head of the creature was trespassed right under the chin by some sort of dark, black stone I had never seen in any placed I had ever set foot before. The creature’s limbs had been removed and were placed in a weird, twisted position over its antlers. His magnificent silver pelt was tainted with blood, and the acrid smell of the decaying corpse invaded my nostrils. I felt disgusted.

If there ever was a scene that could define the word sacrilege, that had to be it. Something had captured that sacred being, killed it for some unfathomable reason and put it there, exposed to the elements, as a trophy for its sadistic whims. I was there trying to find the Stag, trying to kill it and make its image eternal, but that which was done unto him seemed unholy. It was incomprehensible, out-of-place. No Demon in Innistrad could have conceived such a deed, nor any monster that I knew. It didn’t belong here. But then, the more I stared at the scene, the more understandable it became. There was something there, something in the arrangement of the antlers, in the morbid sight of the exposed bones and purplish-red blood that touched my mind. It wasn’t a trophy, it was a message.

I looked around and moved myself in the small space I could find between the trees and I knew there was a pattern there. That dark, obsidian-like stone perforating the creature skull was very singular, as it was the arrangement of its limbs over the antlers. The blood in the snow, that at first seemed spilled, now looked carefully dropped, as if something had tried to write with it. The bowels were not hung, they were placed, placed in a very special way to complete the image, to deliver the message.

I lost sense of time, looking at that display that had seemed so profane, so obscene, and now I know that it was possibly the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. The cold was inconsequential, and I stayed there until almost losing all the warmth of my blood. At that point I had finally grasped the meaning of all this, and I had forgotten about my hunt, because there was only one thing left for me to do.

It was a long way back to my home city, to Gavony. Somehow I made it back without crossing with any creature that lurks in the shadows, probably because I was now a messenger, and fate would protect me. I walked the streets with a passionate fervor, and as soon as I found my house I went to tell my only brother, with whom I lived with, about the message. He should know it before everyone else, for he was blood of my blood. His reaction shocked me. He did not understand the message, said I wasn’t being myself, that he was afraid of the look in my eyes and the outlandish smile I had on my face. He kept saying I needed help, and that my description of the fixated Stag was one of the most hideous things he had ever heard.

Then it clicked on me. My brother didn’t understand the message because he was suppose to be part of it, not a mere receptacle of it. I managed to tranquilize him enough for us both to go to sleep, promising that tomorrow I would speak to the priest about my sinful feelings.

And then I waited until he fell asleep.

Now I am writing this to make the message clear to you. You should not be afraid of it, you should embrace it, because it is beautiful. I am a worshipper of beauty, a preserver of it, and I will send the message across the whole of Innistrad so everyone can appreciate it as I have. My brother is part of the message now. At first he didn’t understand it, then he screamed in the night until I muffled his mouth and used my hunter’s knife to clarify his thoughts. He tried to resist, but soon gave in to the blood loss, and now he is here, at my own home, being part of the message.

I couldn’t make the message as precise as the Stag had been. I didn’t have the black stone to complete it, but I reproduced it the best I could, even though it was hard to cut the limbs of my brother and arrange them in the correct position after fixating him to the wall. I felt like I did a pretty good job, specially with the bowels, but I knew it wasn’t yet clear. It couldn’t be without the stone. So I’m leaving this record here, for you, you that finds it, you that can understand the message.

It is simple, and it is beautiful:

Kozilek is coming.

- Last entry in the Journal of Tormad, the Tracker.

Quote from TerrorKingA »

Good read.

Your character didn't slip into madness so much as he dove headfirst into it. You were good, however, to not pretend that this was a sane person at the start of this story.

You captured the tone of Innistrad well. Apart from some minor things, it was pretty good. My major complaint it "Kozilek is coming." He shouldn't know the titan's name, or know fully what the message meant. Something like "The end is coming" or "The change is now" or some other vague message would've worked better.

Hah, when I finished writing that out I actually thought of that. I left it like this mainly because of story-spreading purposes: I suppose if you would write this in an Uncharted Realms you would want to let it clear that it was, in fact, the eldrazi coming. Maybe there was a better way to convey the message like you said letting it clear that is the eldrazi without mentioning any titan's name (that they don't even explain in Zendikar how people know about them).

Thanks for the feedback, it is really appreciated, specially from a true fan of lovecraft's work such as yourself.

Yeah this was solid, a fun nod to Lovecraft that was very in-tune with Innistrad's flavor and themes. I think him knowing Kozilek's name is ok. It's never been stated, but because everyone seems to call them the same things I feel like people just instinctively know the names of the titans. Kind of like how in some Lovecraft stories characters would find themselves possessing knowledge or understanding they never knew they had. All head cannon obviously, but it gets me through the inconsistency of every Tom, Dick, and Munda all knowing the true names of the three titans.

Quote from Kruphix7 »

Yeah this was solid, a fun nod to Lovecraft that was very in-tune with Innistrad's flavor and themes. I think him knowing Kozilek's name is ok. It's never been stated, but because everyone seems to call them the same things I feel like people just instinctively know the names of the titans. Kind of like how in some Lovecraft stories characters would find themselves possessing knowledge or understanding they never knew they had. All head cannon obviously, but it gets me through the inconsistency of every Tom, Dick, and Munda all knowing the true names of the three titans.

Thank you for the feedback! Really appreciate it. I will release today another story with a complete different tone since I'm trying to help this forum get a little more visibility, it will be on my signature in case it interests you

Ashiok,

I liked the concept here, with the hunt for the Stag being an attempt to preserve it. If the Eldrazi had specific plottings, killing the Stag may be a cool way to show that (or perhaps the Stag was found and sacrificed for Kozilek by another human inspired by the Eldrazi, rather than being killed by an Eldrazi).

Stylistically, some words read awkwardly or incorrectly ("reign," "invaded," and "trespassed" were three main culprits).

While I like the journal approach that mirrors Innistrad's few Gothic flavor pieces (as found in Dracula, Frankenstein, and Strange Case Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde), there was not a lot of movement or action to the piece. It was definitely a mood piece--which is absolutely fine.

I wonder what would happen to the story if it were told in third person point of view.

Nice work in inhabiting Innistrad with some horror. Also, based on the teaser for Shadows, I liked the snow references.

Thanks for the feedback Zazdor!

Yeah, I didn't like trespassed either, haha. I realized afterwards that it doesn't has the same general meaning in english that has in my tongue, which would be something like 'pierced'. Should have stuck with what is simple I suppose. As for the other words, I understood your point, makes sense, I will try to do better next time.

Yes, it definetly was more about setting a mood than showing any action, trying to mix a little bit of Ghotic with the Lovecraftian feeling. I chose to tell the story in first person because I think it would be more interesting, in the sense that you read a recounting of a story and, at the end, you realize the guy was just insane. The idea was to not let clear who had hunted the Stag, but I if I had to answer that I would say a worshipper of Kozilek would be cooler than an actual eldrazi, hehe. Thanks again!

Ah, with English not as your first language, the misplaced/misused/awkward words make perfect sense--and honestly, there is no better way to figure out how words work (in a native or second language) than to use them!

Sorry it took so long for me to respond to this. I had actually read it a long time ago but didn't leave my feedback, for some reason.

This is a great incorporation of Lovecraft and his style. The eeriness of the setting is pretty apparent to me and I appreciate that. There is a great sense of weird (classically defined) horror here that I appreciate. Overall, well done.

Here's a few things that stand out to me:

• "But it all paid out". Since the sentence is stand alone, it would be better if it read "But it all paid off." I know it's probably semantics to you, but the jarring out doesn't fit the style of narrative that you then go on to describe. I don't know if this will make sense to you, bu the texture of your words is consistent at some points and jarring at others and so recognizing how the words sound in conjunction to each other is important. As an idea of this, let's take this paragraph for a moment: "I walked amongst maple and oak, hickory and birch, hearing every rustle of leaves and every crackling of branches. I knew I wasn’t alone in the darkness, I knew of the monsters roaming in the night, and still I pressed forward, because glory is even more sweeter if obtained despite the threat of crushing failure. Despite the threat of imminent death." While the grammar is a separate issue, I like how the maple, oak, hickory and other words play out. Rustle and crackling are great words because they sound like the forest and are generally "quiet" words. Say "rustle" to yourself. Now say "catastrophic". Catastrophic sounds harsher, doesn't it? That's because of the way the word is structured itself with its consonants draws more attention. Anyways. The consonants flow together to create the idea of background forest noise to the reader with rustle and crackling. Try to preserve that "flow" as much as you can throughout your story is what I'm trying to get at. Ultimately it's a minor detail that could hinder your overall drive to write the story.
• I know that there are a ton of things that want to eat this tracker. Why didn't they? My thoughts are because whatever killed the Silver Stag left such a mark on the forest that even the predators (who would easily eat this tracker) are spooked. But that's just me as a reader and writer myself, filling in the gaps I perceive. Fill them in for me! I think it would be better if the sounds of the forest begin to die away as the tracker gets near the desecrated carcass of the Silver Stag. Like the silence before a storm, you want to jar your reader and make the cruel slaughter of the Stag that much more memorable.
• The tracker is certifiably insane at the end of the narrative. I think elaborating more on his descent into madness as he comes upon the Stag would be beneficial. There's a lot of detail that you can develop there, simultaneously adding to the mystery of the message while also showing the slip into madness, Lovecraftian style.

Well, that's all for now. One day I'll post my story up on these boards and hopefully get some commentary back as well, just not there yet haha.

Quote from benjameenbear »

Sorry it took so long for me to respond to this. I had actually read it a long time ago but didn't leave my feedback, for some reason.

This is a great incorporation of Lovecraft and his style. The eeriness of the setting is pretty apparent to me and I appreciate that. There is a great sense of weird (classically defined) horror here that I appreciate. Overall, well done.

Here's a few things that stand out to me:

• "But it all paid out". Since the sentence is stand alone, it would be better if it read "But it all paid off." I know it's probably semantics to you, but the jarring out doesn't fit the style of narrative that you then go on to describe. I don't know if this will make sense to you, bu the texture of your words is consistent at some points and jarring at others and so recognizing how the words sound in conjunction to each other is important. As an idea of this, let's take this paragraph for a moment: "I walked amongst maple and oak, hickory and birch, hearing every rustle of leaves and every crackling of branches. I knew I wasn’t alone in the darkness, I knew of the monsters roaming in the night, and still I pressed forward, because glory is even more sweeter if obtained despite the threat of crushing failure. Despite the threat of imminent death." While the grammar is a separate issue, I like how the maple, oak, hickory and other words play out. Rustle and crackling are great words because they sound like the forest and are generally "quiet" words. Say "rustle" to yourself. Now say "catastrophic". Catastrophic sounds harsher, doesn't it? That's because of the way the word is structured itself with its consonants draws more attention. Anyways. The consonants flow together to create the idea of background forest noise to the reader with rustle and crackling. Try to preserve that "flow" as much as you can throughout your story is what I'm trying to get at. Ultimately it's a minor detail that could hinder your overall drive to write the story.
• I know that there are a ton of things that want to eat this tracker. Why didn't they? My thoughts are because whatever killed the Silver Stag left such a mark on the forest that even the predators (who would easily eat this tracker) are spooked. But that's just me as a reader and writer myself, filling in the gaps I perceive. Fill them in for me! I think it would be better if the sounds of the forest begin to die away as the tracker gets near the desecrated carcass of the Silver Stag. Like the silence before a storm, you want to jar your reader and make the cruel slaughter of the Stag that much more memorable.
• The tracker is certifiably insane at the end of the narrative. I think elaborating more on his descent into madness as he comes upon the Stag would be beneficial. There's a lot of detail that you can develop there, simultaneously adding to the mystery of the message while also showing the slip into madness, Lovecraftian style.

Well, that's all for now. One day I'll post my story up on these boards and hopefully get some commentary back as well, just not there yet haha.

Thanks for the feedback man. And yes, I'm still learning things about style and what words go well with what other words to preserve the flow that you mentioned. Word collocation is certainly one of the hardest things to acquire when learning a new language, but I will keep reading and trying it!

Regarding your two other points:

- Honestly I didn't give much consideration to why the tracker wasn't attacked. You can just say he wasn't because he got lucky, or because as you said yourself, he was getting near a very dangerous spot, or because he instinctively knows how to avoid the danger. I do believe it is not necessary for me to answer every question, but I liked your suggestion of getting close to a place even the monsters and other creatures fear, and you make the sounds fade away.

- I didn't want to elaborate too much in that part when he met the stag because I wanted the reader to still doubt if the character was insane or not up until the ending where he kills his brother. To preserve that doubt, it was better to avoid being explicit.

I appreciate your feedback! And yeah, if you write your story I can read it. To be honest I'd like to read the stories of everyone here, but some people post huuuge chunks of text with multiple chapters and I don't have that much spare time lol.

Quote from Titancaller »

You set the mood of the story very well. Not every story needs an action sequence to be good. Unfortunately, I didn't feel satisfied when the story concluded. It was way too short. I know it was just a message and not a journal but still. Additional length would have done good for the story. Also the message "Kozilek is coming" came absolutely out of nowhere and I felt somewhat...betrayed by story ending with that note. If you hid a few clues in the story to hint the eldrazi I must have missed them (English isn't my prime language either) but still I didn't think the ending was satisfying enough. This wasn't so bad that I'd stop reading your stories altogether so don't worry. I'll read your next one tomorrow or the day after.

Hey man, thanks for your feedback. I'm sorry the ending wasn't exactly what you were hoping for, but I guess part of the reason for that is this story is becoming more out of focus than when it was original conceived.

To give you a little bit of context: I wrote this when we were in BFZ, sometime after we found out that Shadows Over Innistrad would be the next block, with no clue whatsoever of what would be in it. At this point we didn't know in BFZ where Kozilek or Emrakul were, just Ulamog. So I thought it would be fun to make a mix of the two ideas: eldritch monstrosities meeting ghotic horror world. I mentioned that when I initially wrote the story in the Storyline forum, but I guess I didn't give enough context here, so I'm sorry for that. Since Kozilek was the titan of distortion and bending the minds of people, this story would be a much more subtle introduction to the influence of the eldrazi, showing how a titan would first corrupt the minds of people before even setting foot in the world they were going to consume, akin to the Old Ones in the original Lovecraft's stories. That is the reason for the lack of obivous clues and hint such as 'wastes' landscapes and eldrazi spawn.

Anyway, I hope you like more the other ones! And thanks for your honesty, it is important to me so I can know what works and what doesn't.